Allegedly, there exists photographic evidence purporting to show Jeremy Corbyn failing to insert his penis into the mouth of a dead pig at an event which he did not attend. It is well established that every great established organisation must have an obscene symbolic opposite which simultaneously establishes the value of the said organisation and provides a means for the individuals within the organisation to establish a form of writing which almost exclusively uses the words establish and organisation. But could there be a greater obscenity than requiring a human being to say out loud ‘god save our gracious queen’; a sentence containing no words that any thinking animal wouldn’t find moronic. Each one of the five words referring to non-existent objects and presupposing a non-existent threat from which to be saved. Is the threat logic?

Everyone who has been a member of an educational institution can attest to the hatred directed towards those who break the unwritten rules. The written rules may be freely broken but the unwritten ones automatically exclude you from the organisation. The individual who stays within the geographical location of such an organisation but openly rejects the unwritten constitution in favour of the necessarily absurd written constitution is a self proclaimed pariah. And despite my ironical Meanderings I am here arguing in favour of the ‘team-player’. I am arguing in favour of the popular male who correctly realises that obscene illogical dances are the real location of the organisations operation. An organisation being a means to provide a collection of individuals with the illusion ‘our’.

Consider the phrase ‘long term economic plan’. Given that George Osborne is an open champion of free markets, what would a long term economic plan look like for such a man? Economies are best managed by governments allowing them to manage themselves. The plan is therefore not do get involved in the economy. The plan is to have no plan. The plan is to repeatedly say long term economic plan. I have a long term health and fitness plan. The plan is to let the body make itself healthy because the use of the brain to regulate the actions of the body will always result in a detriment to the body. I am literally claiming that a fundamental difference between the two political cultures is that one side chooses to do the ridiculous and look at what people actually do and say and the other chooses the rational path and acts, thinks and speaks irrationally.

I am a classic weak man who seeks to ingratiate myself by being humiliated in the eyes of the (dare I say it) big other. My pathetic lower instincts will always chose as a friend the male who perfectly embodies the obscene unwritten rules than the horrible rational person who points out the contradictions inherent within them. That is why I have a long term plan to investigate the logic of self referential ironic loops using a light-touch hands off approach.

Your pretentious majesty,