The old bastard really knew how to walk into a sweet shop like a bastard. The misery guts walked in and said ‘I want the lot’. The owner, despite this becoming the best day of business in his life, was upset by this.

This misanthropic horror requested that all the sweets be put in a big pile in the middle of the street outside the shop. When they were all there he covered them in petrol and burnt every one of them. Then a little mouse who had been on his way to the sweet shop peeped out of the drain and saw this sick scene.

The mouse wept.

He went back and told his friends who conspired to seek revenge. They all stood on each others shoulders and got a nice Burberry mac to hide under. They walked up to the nasty old man and said:

“Listen you old bastard. We hate you. You have no sense of joy. You go around ruining fun for everyone and we are going to get you.”

Then the man looked up and saw a group of mice who had been collecting the molten candy that had dripped off from the fire. They had it in a massive bucket and dropped it all over his head. The man began to writhe and swear like an old bastard and the mice laughed at the horrible scene.

When the candy had solidified he himself had become a permanent and disfigured sweet. The mice were able to lick him a few times a day for a few months until his flesh started to rot and they had to throw him in a river.

Thanks for reading,