Sport can be a means to turn nationalistic fervour against itself and thereby diffuse it.
My I is neuronormative.
The finite sentence set I generate in my lifetime hints at the wild infinity of my language.
Laughter is at once degenerate and divine. Is it an ape screaming at overcoming an adversary or a God beholding his own absurdity?
Free speech is the bedrock of democracy. But it also has good sides.
Life is a text. Different books have different meanings. To ask what is the meaning of life is like asking what is the meaning of sentences. Which sentence?
The I is the most savage element of the Trinity. It would choose the slaughter of millions over one moment of truth.
Nationalism is such a powerful force in part because it builds on the foundation of a deep revulsion of self-criticism. It treats reflection and empathy as a form of self-betrayal. The border becomes a skin which protects the body. The predominant mood is paranoia.
It is a remarkable historical irony that the university started as a leisure activity for aristocrats and became a factory for producing workers.
The artist grants himself the repulsive luxury of freedom. You shall work for me he says to the world! But the world may or may not comply.
Many forms of consumption are sublimated modes of production. The restaurant, the holiday, the commercial entertainment all have their complements in hunting, migration, and display.
Coping mechanisms are useful. The truth can tear you down as much as set you free.
Is a drinking ban in pubs unimaginable?
Humour is a cure for misery as "the wound is healed only by the spear that smote you."
Samuel Beckett's mother paid for his psychoanalysis. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Losing a lover is painful. Losing a friend is difficult. But losing an enemy is devastating.
What could be more savage than Freud's distinction between mourning and melancholia!
The anti-Nietzsche
Publication should generate more production than consumption but invariably current modes fail in this regard. We are made to read one hundred sentences for every single one produced. This speaks to a deep resentment of production.
One must grant oneself outrageous privileges such as allowing yourself to speak or wear a hat.
A work of art is like a man. It must not contain an accurate self understanding.
A system of cultural production and consumption is necessarily contradictory.
Consumption never pushes back. This is why you can never love consumption. It appears to give everything but takes everything instead.
One thing we might ask of a definition is that it might permit discrimination.
When somebody has their foot on my neck I want it off me. It doesn't particularly matter whether they have it there because they have more land or more intellect.
The ultimate freedom is the freedom to curb the freedom of others.
Work is a dream. The dream of no work.
The basic choice for the bulk of humanity is resentment or subservience.
Normalcy takes a great deal of work to maintain.
Compliments as a form of grooming.
It doesn't entirely make sense to say "Thank you for this soup. It is disgusting."
To be consistent throughout a lifetime would require a kind of madness.
Only the lamb knows the eagle.
Intellect and failure make a spicy cocktail. For self love and self hate make the divine marriage.
Only a small fraction of any generation can be alive.
The work of change sounds like too much work and change to me.
It’s harder to fake bullshit than real knowledge.
I fell in love with her tragedy.
The educational apparatus retains certain capacities from its earlier purposes.
Champagne Supernova Remnant
Britain is like a snake skin. The dead shedding of the creature that now lives in the United States of America.
A joke without vulgarity is like a haiku without a season.
The dream of an early retirement is the dream of an early death.
A moral position must come with its own lexicon.
Jack's death and drowning in Titanic (1997) as orgasm. A basic reading which came to me quite late.
The ontology of the love triangle and murder unified.
Moralising is always preferable to analysis because it requires less effort and discipline, and allows the moraliser to hold himself in high esteem without evidence.
The paradigmatic love triangle of two men and one woman is a perfectly obscene repression. Because the sexual scene of Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Billy Zane making love together in Titanic is never shown it constitutes a pristine absence.
The implicit prohibition is more repressive than the explicit.
In Kierkegaard's remark that his melancholy is his mistress he reveals the secret allure of misery. Happiness is for the public sphere but sadness is what we really love.
The prototypical love triangle involves two men in love with one woman but the the homoerotic connection between the men is implicit.
Hell is also a kind of utopian fantasy.
Plural I.
I forgot that it was called I.
Exactly the correct degree of libidinal engagement in text.
Making a film without a sex scene should be a criminal offence!
The terrifying universality of the hand!
Why does the burglar played by Joe Pesci in Home Alone (1990) first appear in the form of authority as an imposter mimicking a police officer? The terror and resentment to the patriarch immediately creates the desire for retributive violence as enacted by the infant and audience.
I as the possibility of the opposite of object. The complement of object. The unobject/an unobject.
I respect my mouth too much to put the word fairness in it.
The tails in the Avatar films fulfil the infantile fantasy for an uncastrated woman.
Fascism is Imperialism without an empire. Imperialism in one country!
I am offended by anything which requires interpretation.
Homosexuality is love of the present. Heterosexuality is love of eternity. Bisexuality is merely dialectics.
Happiness can’t buy money.
When Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon he supposedly uttered the phrase 'Alea iacta est' meaning the die has been cast thus simultaneously creating two new idioms both meaning to commit an irreversible act.
There are no orgasms in heaven because orgasms are a change and heaven is unchanging.
Be unrealistic. Demand the possible.
The contactless payment systems now used for church donations function as a prayer substitute by allowing the rationalist to believe he is contributing to the material upkeep of a historic communal building while secretly thinking he is purifying his spirit of primordial guilt.
Where my opinions are determined by my categories I am especially suspicious.
No representation without taxation is not a corollary of no taxation without representation.
I shed a tear in the river through my hometown.
Looking back at your youth in sadness. Its appeal is in its falseness. Your highest ideals beached.
Science is so totally banal because it is concerned with truth like the church before it.
"The modern university has been totally contaminated by the middle classes. That is why it emphasises the petty subjects; the sciences."
The criminal against physical law. Eh, my friends?
The comedian has so little respect for his own experiences that he will sell them for... what? Eh, my friends?
Has there been any genuine advance in computing since Turing?
The rise of charity is the victory of capitalism.
You can't even buy old clothes these days without being taxed by some charity.
In search of subtle thought.
The smile on the face of the rioter repeating the liberal line.
Seagulls inland mean a storm coming. How do they know?
How could you love someone so pathetic as to love you?
Melancholy is a fabulous luxury.
Featherless bipeds. The animal whose nature is not yet set. The animal who needs a master. The animal that can get used to anything.
The genius of woman is to escape her natural state of sloth, desire and hypocrisy.
The truth will ruin you.
ALL THINGS!
The indignant are the greatest liars of all. Death to hard working families. To hold ideas that are literally criminal. Contradiction.
Ironicality!
Comedy is in a state of decadence!
If comedy for everyone is comedy for no one is comedy for no one comedy for everyone? No. Comedy for one human. Finding that human.
The giver should thank the charity. She buys her self regard. The double bind of the charitable donation advert. You great philanthropist.
The naive superiority to all comedians past.
So I was speaking to this animal whose nature wasn't yet set.
120 bpm (moderate comedy).
You can't just act in a rediculous manner!
This straw man come up to me and said A, where A is false. I said 'you can't just behave in a rediculous manner'.
Is she bothered or not?
Yes and lightly; is she or is she not... bothered?
"Any book for all carries the smell of petty people"
The Simpsons almost excuses the whole Americas for having ever existed.
You can tell a lot about someone by the type of bin they use.
Treason rhymes with reason and time is the reason for rhyme.
Nietzsche legalised gay science.
A whole ironic universe.
Hot tongue in mouth after bad play at theatre. Savaged by critics. Best night of life.
Little big man sick story after escalates row.
The twelfth root of two is a semitone.
Most women's interest in feminism is based on rational egoism. What if men's interest in it is too?
I'm not saying words but I am weighing swords.
The true atheist must go through Christ. To not be a hypocrite is to set yourself at variance with society, your friends and your family.
Do you look at the stars and think 'what intelligence inspects me?' or 'what eye is this that reduces a billion minds to one dot?'
unemployed unimplied
I am saying I hate the unemployed as much as the next guy... but seriously the strange muddle of sexuality and violence makes my heart sing.
"There is a wildness in man that must be contained" "The first aim of the public school is propaganda and passivity"
Science is our excuse for decadent non culture.
I am saying I set my self in opposition to the senses but I scream like a great erotic siren down a million years of vulgarity.
I am saying I wish suffering upon my mother in law but my flesh creeps with affection for her.
'Prince-penned break-up ballad' - pleasing word pile.
Children are excellent decievers. The first word is a lie.
As sad as a child who lies to his parents about the effectiveness of their attempts to hide marital discontent.
A man who acts in hatred by being good and secretly punishing himself.
The modern commercial usage of the word proper means fashionable.
What's the longest book in the world? An encyclopedia of jokes based on answers to the question 'what's the shortest book in the world?'
What does it mean to be 95\% sure about something?
Please consider the example of my... wife.
Why is air free?
Dancing = safe sex.
The present is an artefact!
The television is like a dummy. You feel like you are thinking when you aren't.
Your shackles are words.
The idea of one truth is an artefact of language and we follow it like moths to a flame.
Language is a madness.
Life is unnatural.
If you liked my finger then you should have put a ring on my finger?
Embracing Jesus was an obvious move by which the establishment could dilute the power of the original anti-establishment radical.
What's the longest book in the world? An encyclopedia of jokes based on answers to the question 'what's the shortest book in the world?'
Universal cooling!
Galactic warming!
"Who am I to judge gay people?" - Judge.
Which came first, the will to power or the pleasure principle?
Wearing the phallus of obscenity while being castrated by the rectangle you speak from.
The real reason we don't like Islam is that it reveals the arbitrariness of our culture.
What is interesting about the Wagner scene in Apocalypse now is that it is enjoyable. Even liberals are set alive by it.
I remember finding it difficult to accept that the war in Afghanistan was as real as the Vietnam war that I enjoyed (sic) in films.
Anthropocene Park!
That China is a more effective capitalist state than a liberal democracy makes perfect sense.
Early detection of cancer is important so that you can spend more time in fear of death as well as because it increases survival rates.
I moan so that my bad mood can ruin your day too.
Have you ever said anything that wasn't a lie?
When not lying with my words I'm lying with my tone.
The human is the animal that thinks it isn't an animal.
White seems a better representation of nothing than black.
Do you realise that 'seed' as a metaphor for semen equates a woman with a plant pot?
Everybody who has read Infinite Jest has to say it is great otherwise they would look like an idiot for wasting all that time on it.
News of the Royal birth was placed on an easel without any sense of irony.
In twenty first century capitalism watching advertising is the rent you pay for speaking to people.
"We don't get to vote on who owns what"
'The modern university is an expert factory'.
The degree to which you are in communication with global corporations is the true result of Turing's genius.
Foxconn is to Apple what The Devil is to the apple.
'designed in California' is meant to imply the absent China. It is extremely aggressive.
The British will sacrifice anything for stability.
Jogging is the activity of the corrupt.
Jogging is so popular not because it is good for your body but because it is bad for your mind.
The true atheism is not the pro science sham but an acceptance of literally zero meaning. It is bleak and you have total freedom.
Why does the state fund Stephen Hawking? He is an excuse for meaninglessness.
When you were 18 did you ever imagine the slaves to The Man would be the privileged few?
How can you tell if you have repressed memories?
Do not compare yourself to others. But instead compare yourself to a giant blancmange travelling through the sky at one million miles per hour!
You should never do what you should. It is a sign of democracy.
Sex is the universal disagreement.
The ideal symbolic rift benefits all who take sides.
Youth is the beginning of an obsession.
Conflict can be useful to both sides.
Urination on red hot iron. Given this remains a possibility it is an absolute wonder that any steel is made at all.
If the birth of Christ is the orgasm then New Year is the cold realisation of starting the libidinal cycle afresh.
To claim that you have no ego is to claim that you are Christ which is egotistical.
Christmas guilt is the most pristine.
The disagreement structures the relationship.
Controversy is the best publicity.
“Conservatism is the preference for present laughter over future utopia” - Oakeshott. Under this definition homosexuality might be considered the conservative act and heterosexuality the radical.
A dictionary contains nothing.
Only thought can be incomplete.
I stole Bill Hicks' Joke about depictions of the crucifixion being offensive to Christ who in turn stole it from Martin Luther.
I haven't seen any evidence to challenge the existence of confirmation bias.
My special skill is wading into debates which I have nothing to contribute to.
Julian Huppert is indeed being bullied. His crime is believing in evidence based policy.
Freedom is terrifying.
The horror of unemployment is freedom to think.
Wonder and fear are related.
'The Wonder of the Universe' is a religious idea.
The successful support the status quo and the unsuccessful attack it. This says nothing about the truth of either position.
Irony and positivity are the result of us struggling with the implications of quantum mechanics.
The true implications of quantum mechanics have not been fully accepted by the population.
You mind is like a gas. It expands to fill the space that contains it.
The error of our parents was to mistake sex for love.
To love a woman is a subversive act. That is why the state must contain it inside marriage and encourage hatred.
Thou must spread these rules.
Thou must love thy parents.
Thou must be an optimist.
Thou must enjoy sexual pleasure.
Thou must not question these rules.
Thou must hate the weak.
Thou must hate all who listen.
Thou must not criticise the use of irony.
Thou must be amusing.
Thou must be ironic.
How does web censorship work?
The new precarious unemployed still wont question the system. That would lead to true disaster. Think of the censorship at work on the web.
Tennis is the perfect capitalist activity. It serves no purpose, and yet it is still not art. Two bears fighting. Two bears farting.
Andy Murray is a great leader because he shows us what we want. Comparing the speech yesterday with the speech a year ago is disturbing.
The internet is a babel fish. The babel fish led to more wars than any other technology by removing all barriers to communication.
If the Chinese can run a more efficient capitalism than we can is that an argument against democracy? What if they ran a more free society?
Competition for the centre ground is the elimination of competition. It is the natural flaw of multi-party democracy.
Think about the fact that Have I Got News For You is state funded. They literally own their enemies. Have we built indestructible democracy?
To say A ironically, is not to say not A.
The true meaning of irony is hard to grasp.
By appearing to be the truth teller, the television comedian, is really the most effective propagandist.
Wonga will drive you in to poverty. The state will castrate you.
Would you rather owe money to Wonga or the state?
The student loan is a perfect way to control graduates. To be in debt is to be a slave.
Why has no one considered the dissolution of marriage? Why has no one considered induction to power electric cars?
Marriage is the means by which the state controls sexual energy.
Think of the level of global catastrophe required for us to have these fuel reserves.
The only people the Scottish fool with kilts are themselves.
The absence of commercial advertising at Wimbledon raises the question 'well what is being sold then?'. Who pays for it?
Vatican City's 136 year wait continues...
"He takes what he does very seriously, but he takes himself... not seriously at all" - James Corden on Andy Murray. I find that absurd.
My wife died but I was more saddened by the loss of my youth.
Question Time was originally going to be called An Argument Against Democracy.
The internet offers a glimpse into our true selves and it is deeply unpleasant viewing.
If humanity reaches a total acceptance of truth, we shall stop reproducing and cease. This is the logical conclusion of all life
140 characters is not sufficient for discussing interesting ideas. Is a single letter of the alphabet? If no then stop using the alphabet.
Art is concerned with 'that which we cannot talk about'.
At once it was the wisest and most foolish thing. 'And yet it moves'.
Galileo's denial of earth's movement exemplifies the deep ambivalence we should feel for the sciences.
The scientist's weakness is her usefulness.
Can you think of a more banal aim than 'the pursuit of happiness'. Did Marie Curie pursue happiness when she choose truth over life?
If we set about designing what we considered to be the best person, where would we start? Morality, wisdom or something else?
What if we set about constructing our society to produce one individual to hand to future humans? What would our Jesus look like?
People ask 'what makes humans different from animals?' without any sense that every species is distinct from every other by definition.
It generates negative feelings to be contrary, but that doesn't mean it is wrong.
Here's hoping we can bully the foreigner out of Wimbleden.
What does a shot of Andy Murray's girlfriend mean? It means we are still animals in the Devil's garden.
An immigration policy that lets in 'the best and the brightest' is identical in meaning to 'come on Murray'.
Surely everyone accepts that the true meaning of tennis is ugly.
Enlightened self-interest?
Why does Andy Murray's girlfriend want him to win? Can the answer be anything other than sinister?
With regard to Wimbledon, I agree that ideology is pleasurable.
Would you choose poverty over wealth in order to maintain capitalism?
Good thinking is thought that leads to truth.
The pursuit of truth. The pursuit of happiness. How are they different?
Behind every great man is infinite disinterested space.
The universe is infinite in every dimension. Every possible world is. I am infinitely repeating. This awareness is possible. It is.
The most base language game = a dog tail wag or a human laugh?
A laugh isn't an agreement, but a public agreement. There is zero information regarding actual agreement encoded in it.
I claim that there is nothing more dishonest than a laugh at a live stand up gig.
The TV is a public form and therefore reveals our true selves less than video games. At least it reveals them through a glass darkly.
The first thing we do when relieved of consequence is kill indiscriminately.
The gun is to video games what the vagina is to the internet.
If your behaviour in video games represents your true self, then why do I want to kill a man for no reason? A gun is the sexiest thing.
I believe in evolutionary psychology because my brain has evolved to seek unified solutions.
Bollocks and buzzcocks have some of the same letters in. It is funny because it is true.
The ideology of positivity and optimism can be the most terrifying thing.
Conciousness and civilisation are surely a great catastrophe.
If love is evil I'm throwing in the towel.
The first lie of comedy is 'you are not worthless'.
If Ian Hislop was a rapper, he'd be called I.Am.His.Slop.
How do I get something that is not valuable to me but is to others? Valuing freedom will lead to disaster.
Capitalism is entirely based on non-linear value of money.
Capitalism is based on fair trades = amazing. Lottery proves a million pounds is more than a million times valuable than a pound.
We are in deep shit here.
The diatonic scale contains all combinations of tones and semitones in adjacent intervals.
What is the second law? Could there be an intimate relationship between mind, time and the second law?
Do you feel more sorry for someone getting a shitty break if they have already had a lot of shit?
you in your ordinary shitty life blah blah do good to your neighbour blah blah
Feelings about other animals as explained using behavioural evolution.
Disorder is a real thing, not just an idea. Things tend toward incomprehension. The mind tries to reverse time.
Why the diatonic scale?
The difference between correlation and causation is the same as the difference between induction and deduction.
Is it better to throw a dart in to a small circle or throw a dart and draw a small circle around it?
The only real activity is economic activity.
In order to avoid inheritance tax I wrote that my mother was my wife on her death certificate. The punchline is fraudulent slip.
Michael Government
The difference between inference and induction is subtle.
Sexual desire derives from a fear of death. They are two sides of the same coin.
The boundary conditions are sex and death. Sex is a means to cheat death. The key to AI is making a a computer scared of death.
What do we want? Immortality. When do we want it? Forever.
It is raining. It is Thursday. That is neither a joke nor an idea. P(A given B) = P(A).
Electromagnetism is not a joke.
A joke is the opposite of an idea. A joke is an element of thought. The result of a consistency check is either a joke or an idea.
If you can't know what it is like to be a bat, can you know what it is like to be Marie Antoinette, or even your brother?
Would the quantum revolution have been possible with the ultraviolet catastrophe only, and without further sensory data?
Turning x propositions into y propositions (reversibly), where y is less than x, is the heart of thought.
1) Receive sensory data. 2) Reduce sensory data to propositions. 3) Check propositions for inconsistencies and duplications. 4) Return to 1.
Dealing with sensory data requires the ability to hold that 'it is raining outside but I don't believe that it is'.
A mind seeks more true propositions and to reduce the number of total propositions stored into the minimum number of true and coherent ones.
If the world is the totality of facts then it is a finite subspace of the truth. The truth is infinite and unknowable.
An idea is the moment two true and non-identical propositions are found to be coherent.
Any tautology defines the Omniverse. Any contradiction defines the edge of the Omniverse. Any other proposition defines some universes.
The Omniverse. The word came first and the idea came second. The Omniverse contains all possible (logically consistent) universes.
Thinking is a sufficient condition for being. Is it a necessary condition?
In grammar, gender is as important as tense. A man is as different from a woman as the past is from the future.
Thus Spake Zara Phillips
Did no one question the fact that Buzzcocks sounds nothing like bollocks?
Brevity is the soul of the speed shoe.
"Never split the infinitive" "It's ok to put a preverbal modifier immediately before the verb in a to-infinitival complement clause" "Huh"
Richard Bacon is the Alan Partridge of the non-fiction world.
dawn at four am the first bird begins his song it is time for bed
a tiny spider has built a web in my way do they know it's spring
a water lilly hides a cheeky green grass snake it thinks it fools me
Mark Simpson, 51, was enjoying a day out with 16 members of his family at Wicksteed Park, when he was "catapulted" out of a water chute.
'There is strong evidence suggesting that copycat suicides can occur as a result of extensive media coverage' cf 'Stigma is bad'.
I enjoy sexual ecstasy. It is funny because it is true.
Self reference, contradiction and tautology, and a shift from the banal to the tendentious.
Entertainment says 'you are right'. Art says 'you are wrong'.
A million shades of parody.
Imagine if the best work being done today in the eyes of thirtieth century scholars is totally unknown to the public now.
I am better than you.
Someone must have fallen in love after speaking to a call center worker.
Whenever there is a big news event my mates call me up and they're like "what's your take on it?" and I'm like "ok, sit down".
A blowjob from a richer woman has the character of a lie.
Subject predicate object.
Revealing location is often key. Usually social media is used for pride, but the best stuff is about desperation.
I plan to stage a nervous breakdown on social media.
The layers of meaning and intention in electronic communications are more transparent than in speech.
If you are what you eat then Francis Crick must eat a lot of Curly Wurlys.
"Of course, technology is advancing so quickly". Has there been any advance since Turing's On Computable Numbers?
Material interests are a brute fact of existence but opinions appear in the form of a choice. A choice appeals to the ego because it exists only through choices. The ultimate meta-choice is to reject the illusion of choice.
Messi beaucoup
Trust the Science. Where Science is the ultimate expression of distrust. Institutionalised distrust. Pure distrust.
The average number of sobs per bench per year.
Intentionally failing to pretend you don’t care and fooling no one least of all yourself.
Seeking refuge in opinions like a mouse hiding under a hat.
For the actor Ralph Fiennes to both be good looking and also pretend to be a Nazi is flat out immoral.
The human is the only animal that parasitises itself.
The Truth is a disease. It dissolves every mind it touches.
Bilingual?! I’m not even lingual.
Christmas is delivered already ironised.
Conspiracy theories are born of an inability to theorise.
The true meaning of Christmas is recursive.
Children must be taught nostalgia.
Metaphysics achieves the remarkable feat of being even less interesting than physics.
Pay now buy later.
Contradiction reveals itself in the impossibility of friendship.
Contradictory problems require contradictory solutions.
Art is not democratic. Comedy is democratic. Therefore, comedy is not necessarily art.
Which is more bleak; Dover or Calais. Trick question, it is the ferry between them.
Is there a pope joke of any value?
How unimaginative of the British to have one word for rain.
Animal kingdom, sure, yeah. Plant kingdom, yeah, yeah. Fungi, err s'pose. Bacteria, ok, but you are pushing it a bit. Protista and Archaea?
All the tools and nothing to do.
I do like Great Britain, but don't you ever feel like we're being constantly throttled?
I feel sorry for towns with a bypass. "Yeah, if possible, we'd sooner not go through you thanks."
It makes perfect sense that Mr Bean drives a McLaren F1.
"I mistook my robber for my lover" - Francis Bacon.
Homosexuality is a very effective contraceptive.
The elements of TV are non-sequiturs.
"we live in a meritocracy, and that is a great thing" - a successful man. "the wheel of fortune has not been kind to me" - a failed man.
Wolf!
I really don't understand why I can't just put a caravan on the top of the Shard.
Does anyone know if The Simpsons 'your epidermis is showing' joke is a character or writer mistake?
Our disgust at the horseburger is Swift's fault.
"What do you do [to avoid catching a glimpse in the looking glass]?"
There are certain ideas about the irrelevance of your shape and the value of pure thought that only exist in the minds of beautiful people.
Thank you Heston Blumenthal for showing me there is no limit to the cost of a mouthful, and saving me the indignity of free time. Do = earn.
Any sentence using the word Science as an abstract noun is utterly banal, except this one, which is profound. [Fart noise].
My greatest achievement was to, in full conciousness and without shame, defecate in my bed to save the effort of moving.
Man, I'm totally pissed off with modern high rise naming conventions.
Pope Winfrey is offering seven indulgences for the price of one on all sins till Friday.
"Now do what you're told and misbehave" - manager of the Rolling Stones.
(I also took moo as mo')
Feeling a bit guilty about giving that cow that Big Mac.
"She is as pretty as a pornstar's nipple" - possible simile for wedding speech.
The Church of England exists!
Head inclined at a foreign sky. The wonder of an arrogant boy.
What is there after the skin and the shit? The meat is worst of all.
I'm standing in front of a bakery with a sad face and an empty pocket.
The sagging atrophy of the middle aged abdomen. The seeping stomach, which has designs to undo you, has weakened your resolve.
His hair was as greasy as a Christmas pudding.
A continuing sense of rage at the changed meaning of literally. Like when god saw what we decided to do with genitals.
What is the meaning of dogs?
A micro-tragedy, like a cancerous duck.
A submarine is a perfect example of the folly of mankind.
Have you ever noticed how stand ups watch a lot if day time tv?
Life is like falling over backwards.
I'm afraid to get my hands dirty.
I'm shy of a little hard work.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotch egg define an isosoles love triangle.
I live in a so-called bedsit, but it's really more of a cave.
An Argument for Abolishing Christianity.
To be fair to the Church of England, Eve did tempt Adam and fuck it up for everyone. That's why I never eat spare ribs.
The difference between men and women is... multifaceted.
Snow White is prejudiced against ALL witches.
I saw the finest minds of my generation shit themselves.
That wandering planet must be completely insane.
Ooo, Alan Bennett has made a swipe against the National Trust. How cheeky.
SF film about a massive ship sent to colonise a new planet, and the onset of mass hysteria and anarchy, among the crew of 100.
Pretty shocking that white people mainly voted for Romney. Are white people mentally deficient?
Has someone knocked on Romney's door, or shall we let him finish writing his victory speech?
The redundant Jeremy Vine.
"Death is a surprise party. Unless of course you're already dead on the inside." - Jigsaw
It's fun watching Romney say he's writing his victory speech. 'What are you up to?' 'Jus' writin' my victory speech mate'.
Television debates favour dickheads; c.f. Cleggmania.
I most like music produced by beautiful women.
Hate sex. Love condoms.
Holiday, hamster, tin of beans, and a tin opener equals dead hamster.
A coffee, a cigarette, and a litre of petrol.
Old man who still considers himself attractive to young women. Also cannot accept new meaning of literally.
The sort of man who can't accept the changed meaning of literally.
I want to make a tv sitcom where the opening scene is a man jumping over a shark on water-skis. Can I have some money for that please?
I don't have an iPhone. I saved money and just had a badge made to show my impressive income.
I am deeply offended by people who are prejudiced against people who think homophobes are bigots!
This baseline on Lethal Weapon says cheeky maverick with issues.
A smudge of hair grease on a bus window.
I've got an idea for a movie. Let's remake The Italian Job. Shit, someone got there first.
A woman wearing a top with a picture of a prettier woman on it.
Lazy divers chillin' in the jacuzzi between goes.
I agree this has been an excellent night, but do we really need all the capitalisation?
"She will never forget this evening for the rest of her life", I think that's probably an understatement.
Why isn't Beckham in the Olympics? Oh yeah, "football reasons".
Just realised how degrading it is to call the army in at the last minute to fill seats. A sad symbol of redundancy.
Good luck to everyone starting their Edinburgh Fringe shows tonight. But don't do *too* well. Leave some space for the rest of us, yeah.
"Before turning the analysis on himself."
"the merely physical Universe"
There is no way out because the outsider position is within the general schema.
The name for a contradiction is another contradiction.
I had a late diagnosis of stillborn.
While Freud defined science as the most complete renunciation of the pleasure principle there remains a suspicion that there might be a perverse enjoyment in self denial.
Celebrity chefs should be cooking celebrities in dishes such as pan fried newsreader on a bed of steamed rappers.
Utility maximisation. The maximisation of that which is maximised.
Something beautiful in the formulation 'you can't afford a cheaper mortgage'.
"What does lol stand for?" "It means the reader has stared your text down with a brutal and unsentimental libidinal disengagement and acknowledges your failed gesture towards jouissance"
Satisfaction is when the impossibility of satisfaction is sublated
The universal notion of antagonism is the automatic meta-symbolic antagonism.
To produce text that cannot be made by machine. Or to produce text that cannot be made without a machine.
What we must speak about we must pass over in silence.
Libidinal engagement on demand.
The truth is the lowest of the low. One must never publicly deal in it.
It is not the role of government to govern.
Public displays of respect only ever take place from the powerful to the weak. In this sense open respect is a profound insult.
Absolute objectivity becomes the universal subjectivity.
"I like black people as long as they are middle class" - Chris Rock (paraphrased).
Come on positivity!
The moon is \%100 arbitrary.
If the universe is infinite then any direction you point in, you're pointing at an infinite number of unicorns.
50 Shades of Grey has successfully duped the last demographic still unaware of free on-line pornography.
The printer. The arsehole of the computer.
The fact that so many of Sci Fi's predictions have come true is just proof of how unambitious and unimaginative they are.
If you watch someone closely on their 30th birthday you can actually see the moment they compromise.
"Yesterday a drop of semen, tomorrow a handful of ashes" - Marcus Aurelius.
Lets legalise gay marriage but not gay divorce as a prank.
The Church of England don't consider marriage to be a civil partnership. They see it as more of a hostile partnership.
I'm not afraid of death, just what happens afterwards
Jesus is too good looking to be taken seriously.
If the chances of being are infinitesimal, then being is proof of an infinite universe.
When people go back in time they are careful not to change the future. But why not be careful in the present?
A giddy dream of lager and Doritos.
"The president of America said something that any reasonable person would say. What a progressive nation! What a great man!"
Why are Conservative MPs always against reform? Oh, yeah.
Like all youth, she mistook the icons of contemporary courtship ritual for genuine artists.
(ironic)
Me - 'How old are you?' Man on train -'I'm 45. Why?' Me - 'How come you haven't developed a good taste in music yet?'
Forest Gump needs to find a more reputable chocolate dealer.
People with a tattoo often have many tattoos as a desperate attempt to prove the first wasn't a mistake (cf children/delayed divorces).
The two great catastrophes of the twentieth century (the first and second Babylon Zoo albums).
When lady Godiva rode into town the horse said 'chill out guys I do that every day'.
(You can't see the eyes you see with.)
Travel provides the illusion of objectivity.
An unhealthily healthy appetite.
Modern fart (!) ;P
I put it to you that there is zero relation between the meaning of the phrase 'I love you' and what it represents in any given situation.
What self respecting man has a six-pack?
Vig said, "Even though you couldn't quite tell what he was singing about, you knew it was intense as hell."
I was hanging out in PC World the other day.
I’m a product of my environment and my environment is predominantly PC World.
I was driving round a roundabout the other day on the way to PC World, listening to a Yeats audiobook... aaannnd theen I shaaat myseeellllf.
I know I'm a moron because when I open a book the first thing I check is the chapter lengths, and long chapters make me sigh.
A friend in need is an earned fiend.
One small step for man, one giant leap for the world’s smallest frog.
Get up. Go to work. Go home. Go to bed. Remember you retired in 1995.
Original thoughts are like baths for me; I never have them.
Half way through the front door, he forgot if he was coming in or going out. Suddenly he understood the saying. And then his head exploded,
Can you actually imagine Australia over there? I don’t believe you.
'Don’t worry about the future because tomorrow will bring its own worries.' Thanks Jesus, that really makes me feel better about things.
I think it's overdoing it to call it a break fast. It’s been 10 hours.
Going to a party with me is like swimming with an iron lung.
An elephant is just an overblown dog - get over it!
If you look closely at a 10 year old you regret it but for different reasons.
If you look closely at an 80 year old you regret it.
If you look closely at a 20 year old you can actually see how silly they are.
When it is a cloudless day, I feel embarrassed for the sky.
Nigella Lawson is like the Angel of the North. An epigraph for the wife. A rear view mirror.
Love is a serious mental disease - Plato
"I love you" - means "can you stop talking now" - signifies "I hate you".
People are always doing skydives in New Zealand to try and get back.
I bought a guitar but it doesn’t work. Whenever I play it it just blurts out random notes.
I *did* consider the lily, and then I shat myself.
Apposites attract.
Fois gras stuffed crust pizza.
Great Television Commissioning Mistakes. Fourth series?
Which is the greater punishment, unwittingly being present for a film continuity error, or watching Robert Webb recount them?
If the universe is infinite then hell does exist? Strongly agree, agree, don't know, disagree, strongly disagree.
It's all very well for the lily, it doesn't have an anus or genitals. The audacity of Jesus of Nazareth!
"I allow my audience the pleasure of the thought of the sex act but I will not permit the pretence that it is for the love of intellect"
Follow the Mone.
How do you know if you're a parody account or not?
The New Testament was a Christmas special.
Someone asked 'where are you really from?' so many times that I had to say 'the Big Bang?'
But where did the Royal Family really come from? The answer lies in Marx’s theory of primitive accumulation.
When I see something people like me are probably seeing it. This is more direct evidence for who the thing is for than who it says it is for.
Thoughts speak even quieter than words.
Psychic mechanisms for camouflaging power relations.
Smile Yourself Happy
I want free speech for me but curbed speech for others. The categorical imperative is an excuse for cowardice.
Sanity or truth.
"Don't be cathected!" as route out of nonage or obscene inverse pleasure.
Blasphemy and ad hominem; the two great pleasures.
So called "scare quotes". I ain't scared of no quote.
The I function's pronouns are the I function and the me function.
Penis envy is more pronounced in men because they lack what they have.
Is love one or many?
A lot of people would fail the Turing test.
A woman is that which appears tragic to the tragic. A man is that which appears tragic to the tragic.
The very air was composed of farts, coughs and the ghosts of filthy words.
Imagine creating something with both conciousness and an anus. What sick joke is this?!
"In 1990 a man got drunk and was rascist. His friends laughed and he went unpunished. Oh what a simpler and happier time."
"The first vehicle I saw when I arrived in Portugal was a man on a donkey" - my dad.
Hollywood should produce a satire on the introduction of railways. Now that would bite!
The Hunger Games is a film about the television age sold in the internet age. The futuristic costumes reveal how out of date it is.
"Hey Sarah, how's it going" as in "hello, and I know that your name is Sarah."
"Queen's surprise visit the 'best gift', say newly-weds" - ungrateful bastards, I got them an Xbox!
Our major bragging point as a species is that we sent someone to the moon. The moon is rubbish! Dogs are better.
The reason mob turned violent and ran amok. The horror!
Reason mob
Mensa's membership fee is £45. Seriously think they might be chumping the BOTTOM 2\%.
Sudden realisation that the internet is a giant pacifier; the logical extension of the television, and that we are living in a moronic age.
Just realised how sad it is that I only ever owned one PlayStation 1 controller.
1\% of all public figures before 1950 predicted the World Wide Web.
Doctors stop pretending you own the word dead. Muamba wasn't dead any more than I'm dead for 8/12 hours a night.
Are the Sport Relief organisers aware that Comic Relief is a pun and their own title is nonsense?
MASSIVE PAUSE "I'm glad the prime minister is adopting my language".
or "you're gay" - leader of the blue team on the leader of the red team.
e.g. "The leader of the blue team says that this is a budget for working people, but doesn't he agree that he is a stupid idiot"
Politicians can get away with garbled repeats of other peoples jokes. Surely they could afford their own writers? I'm available to any team.
Try to look at heavy weight boxers like you look at boxing hares. But what about how other hares look at the toughest hares?!
I'm down with the kids so long as we adopt an admittedly broad 5-35 age range for them.
Loose Canons. There should be four.
Loose Canon. TV show idea.
Let's face it; the tangerine is but a parody of the orange.
Marie Curie said 'nothing is to be feared, only understood', before slowly dying of aplastic anemia caused by trying to understand radiation
"If my cat got a cataract then will my dog get a dogeract?" Genuine question aged five.
Why are you alive?
What new Napoleon might be born of New Girl?
According to Nietzsche the suffering of millions is acceptable if it is necessary for the production of a great man....
The elements of Adele's lyrics aren't words but clichés. But does that make it worse? Emphatically yes.
I'm for legalising gay marriage, but in the modern homophobic sense of the word gay.
The ideal world is an unfair one where I'm a beneficiary of the unfairness. If not then it's not fair!
"Buddha himself was a great chatterbox" - Amban.
How was I supposed to know they meant films!?
Workmates - 'Come on, what's your guilty pleasure?'. Me - 'Err... well... I mean... probably... maybe... prostitutes'. 'No, we mean films'.
I will happily sell my cultural heritage for a bit of coin.
I'm only slightly indulging in irony when I say - why isn't it racist for Dev Patel to do a ham Indian accent but is for Bernard Manning?
I won't accept that the nature of female acting is perpendicular to male acting, but singing? Prime Male Minister and Prime Female Minister?
In any issue take the stance that gives you maximum status and adopt that.
Female actors are as (rightly) keen to be called actors as they are (pathetically) ready to accept a Best Actress nomination.
I was hanging out in Forbidden Planet the other day... and then I shat myself.
I was sitting in an Odeon on an industrial estate the other day... and I realised humanity can't have more than 100,000-200,000 years left.
I was sitting on the bog the other day, in an Odeon on an industrial estate, and there was a little mirror, and I glimpsed my own futility.
The other day... I shat myself.
... and then I shat myself.
I was walking round an industrial estate the other day and saw a man slip on a leaf. I thought ha ha, he has fallen and I have not.
£love.love
Ramsay's actual kitchen nightmare is being magimixed by a seven headed devil with the faces of Oliver, Lawson et al.
'If Martians landed on earth, what would they think?'. Their own insane thoughts. What has that got to do with anything?
Sex Indoctrination.
'There can be no prediction of the course of human history by scientific or any other rational methods' - Popper.
Never sure about whether aquarium restaurants should serve fish. Seems a bit... of a clash between commercial forces and good manners.
Clark Kent is to me what Tesco is to Billingsgate.
Showgirls is the perfect lie. It does what it pretends to criticise, while looking us straight in the eye.
Steve McQueen should watch Showgirls for a lesson in disguising pornography as art.
Nobody knows if the universe is finite or infinite!
I'm an optimist. I believe things will be better than I know they will be.
Worrall Thompson described the day he got caught as "the least proud day of my life". Still proud though. Always take pride.
(spent most of new years eve carrying a battery along a motorway and the rest carrying it back)
(The Santa Clause is a fantasy-dramedy film directed by John Pasquin) (their portmanteau of drama and comedy)
(Don't get it but still amused)
Never, EVER, confuse the Andrews (Neil and Marr).
Apparently in London you are never more than 20 metres away from a human!
'in all of coupledom' - Good phrase for joke?
Advent calendars are in the shops ALREADY?!
'Peckham - A jewel in God's crown' - Peckham church banner.
Depression is what a rich person experiences when sad.
My personality? I'd say I take about a third from mum, about two thirds from dad. I'm mad mate! No, but seriously, I am mentally ill.
Leonardo Da Vinci's characters are soooo two dimensional.
Aspiring aspirational speaker...
I know that the old woman in Snow White is the witch but I can enjoy the idea that I do not know.
"a revolutionary reading of..." Nerds can be truly deluded.
What’s the point in having a standard if it’s not double?
The lion from the Wizard of Oz (1939) would be scared of a piece of coloured card.
Politics provides the individual with a means to justify to himself why he does not have what he wants.
I’m doing a bad impression of myself.
The cardinal sin of satire is to have an analysis. The impossibility of analysis is rewarded in the vibrating of diaphragms.
The dangerous appeal of opinions is they appear to offer innocence for free.
We hate science but tolerate it so long as it is served up by a priest with the sacrifice of a polar bear.
What is uncanny about the double such as the two girls in The Shining (1980) is that it evokes the horror at the realisation that there are two breasts at exactly when you realise they are attached to an erotic other. Depictions of the suckling Christ tend to show one nipple only
Fuck is a double mystification. To mystify that which is not mystified with that which is mystified.
Hate football. Love skiving.
Always the bridesmaid, never the empress of Meiji era Japan.
But Ad Hominem is the only real pleasure!
Like cinema audiences believe they control the characters on the screen.
It is perfectly consistent with a materialist world view that there are multiple contradictory consciousnesses in a single body so long as they all agree to the same actions.
We know what it is but we don't know if it exists. We know it exists but we don't know what it is.
The sun is the most arrogant of all the stars.
A scientist is someone who can convincingly feign a complete absence of passion in the face of animal sex.
Girls now equal in succession after concerns the monarchy in its previous state was somehow outmoded.
Annoying unemployed man seeks device for the subsidy of rent in human form.
You are hereby sentenced to death by innuendo.
I am a beautiful man trapped in the body of an ugly man.
Weather you seductress! I lie with you and let our star destroy my face.
'New Bargain' - just when you thought Big Society was the shittest possible slogan.
My two eyebrows are great friends. Their frequent new bridges must be destroyed without mercy else they shall rule my face.
The markets demand a sacrifice.
What time is it? Big time. What is time? Big.
Jus' headin' back to the ol' bachelor bedsit.
Back to dyslexia jokes. They are so good because self descriptive adjectives ARE amusing!
Just bought Garrick Club tie. Far far more economical than membership.
"I did it because I believe that every time you point out that somebody is going wrong, you give them a chance to get it right next time"-JH
Johann Hari just called me up, looked me straight in the eye and said "I'm not really sorry and I'll do it all again".
After this incident, "with broad flat nails" was added to Plato's definition.
'... goes against everything I stand for'. Who am I kidding, I stand for nothing, I won't stand for a shower.
'Alcohol and Christianity are the two great anaesthetics of western civilisation' - Nietzsche. What of stand up comedy in the 2011 style?
People say the universe makes them feel insignificant but I find trees and my brother make me feel insignificant let alone the universe.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth", Sherlock Holmes. Does possible = true?
How much would Disney offer for the Royal Family franchise?
I went to India to find myself in an elaborate and ultimately futile game of hide and seek.
Oh, I thought it was Mothering Son Day.
Thursday 11th March 2011; saw a duck silently quack at a brick wall on a busy street. Mad?
Due to its title and subject matter not being halal, Babe was initially banned in Malaysia.
Have adopted 'long pig' as the appropriate term for a human. I suggest you follow suit.
...
Atheists make love in the passive voice.
I beat the polygraph with a sense of irony.
What is the difference between one and two whats.
Knock knock. Who's there? No, he's on first.
I've got down syndrome (I'm depressed).
Remembrance day. A bit of string on humanity's finger.
The positivity/negativity scale is perpendicular to the optimism/pessimism scale. The best person to be is a positive pessimist.
One man's terrorist is another man's horror director. Wes Craven should be arrested under anti-terror legislation.
The Panda's anorgasmia is part of their passive aggressive resistance to our patronising assistance. Would you enjoy sex in their situation?
Internet invented. Pornography explodes. Probably bad.
Small dog. Big steak. Happy dog.
Trousers on. Trousers off. Nothing achieved.
One consequence of the sexual revolution is that you now share a bed with your principal rival.
I'm an atheist because it requires the least reading
I somehow manage to be pedantic and wrong; a sour mix.
'Gay', the lexical factotum, with an interminable etymological career, can not be stopped. Out now in verb form.
Sex is not binary. It is unitary!
The exquisite brutality of London can only be fully appreciated with an empty wallet.
You know your name before you know the universal I. Could you remember someone else’s name better than the word I.
How do we know the brain is the bit that thinks?
Morality is the ultimate luxury.
True intellectualism is the opposite of being 'smart'.
Unrecycling
Cakes without bakers.
It might be literally true that pregnancy is caused by the combination of sperm and eggs and simultaneously that narrative fulfils the same mystification function of the crane.
2 Become 1 (1997) was sung simultaneously by the 5 female singers of the Spice Girls collectively using the I function.
Suspicion of suspicion
“Science is, after all, the most complete renunciation of the pleasure principle of which our mental activity is capable.”
There is no Prozac anti-venom.
Assuming the danger of global warming is real we should still be skeptical of its deployment as popular eschatology. Suspicious of some hidden enjoyment in the infantile tears drawn out by dead animals.
A lawyer, a lawyer, and a lawyer pass the bar.
I went to Beijing and saw an American woman wearing a T-shirt that said I heart BJ.
A career is a job you pretend to enjoy.
Just saw a fractonimbus merge completely with an overlying nimbostratus. Do I hear the pitter patter of tiny rain drops?
She surveyed her colleagues with bitterness and disgust. None of them know her private rebellion. They will discover it presently.
A reasonable man adapts himself to the world. An unreasonable man spends four years writing a satire of his own mother.
John felt nothing at the death of his wife until the funeral when he began to imagine his own. He wept and was glad people saw it.
My mind's gone thitherways (on the way to thither)
Treason is a crime. There's no rhyme or reason in that.
Tip for novelists - when writing a Mills and Boon, always include a pathetic fallacy, but never include a pathetic phallus.
Wife is a slant phonetic combination of 'why' and 'if', which agrees neatly with the standard viewpoint from which jokes are made. KERBOING!
Toilet? As in a minor toil? I insist on spelling it toilette.
Why have cotton when you can have a cheese burger?
Do you remember the first time you looked up a swear word in a dictionary? The banality was shocking.
I'm here as part of a religion out reach program... said the bishop to the actress.
What are you doing in the green room?... said the actress to the bishop.
This is an anagram of shit.
We must do all we can to prevent radicalisation of surfer dudes.
Paris, Texas is an oxymoron, not to be confused with Paris Hilton who is a foxy moron.
If I was Murray I wouldn't want my doppelganger mum looking on as if the whole tournament was just a Freudian nightmare.
Murray seems surprisingly unaware of the futility of life. Good on him.
Sport is always done in earnest.
The pleasure of watching Andy Murray throw racket in pathetic despair is quite sexual.
Andy Murray is sponsored by Highland Spring. Highland Spring vs The Goddess of Victory.
What is the difference between Dawn French and Lily Allen? A massive shit.
What is aluminum? It's like steel, without the irony.
"Cold hard facts" - using loose sensory metaphor to describe something as existing independently from your sensory experience
The UN security council? Shouldn't that be the IN security council?
This is the result of a brain process
What's your favorite position? Mine's the juxtaposition.
90 percent of people who have ever lived have died. Therefore, I have a 10 percent chance of living forever. Be very careful with maths.
I saw my enemy and put a swearword in my first sentence as if to say "I'm doing away with niceties now, in fact it is my desire to offend" .
Imagine if you met a computer who could speak English. What would you talk about? You'd have absolutely nothing in common.
Was going to suggest we observe a one minute silence for Cumbria but then realized I was suffering from synesthesia.
I'm concerned the incredible hulk might have bipolar disorder.
No news is good news. So there is some news, which is therefore bad.
Interactive maps always lend a hand in times of grief.
Is everything a placebo? Knowledge and understanding destroys it.
Is "hello" a grammatical sentence? Is it a sentence?
Spent the whole evening trying to bend real objects by setting up riddles in my mind. It came to nothing.
Just met someone so racist they think African and Japanese people look the same.
The human is the only animal that can mistake a mirror for itself.
Electric cars are better for the environment than bicycles because they can kill.
Actors and animals are two means of generating cathexis.
Quiet on the outside, loud on the inside.
The site of antagonism becomes itself antagonistic.
I went in a library once and all the books completely disagreed with each other. How can you trust books when they are internally inconsistent?
word production to consumption ratio
Free speech is like free jazz. It's not very good and quite irritating.
Success is structured by failure but the reverse is not true. Civil religion performs this work of constructing the phantasmic from the real by simply inverting it.
Facts don't care about facts either. They don't care about anything!
"Does man think he will be left alone? Was he not just a spilt-out sperm, which became a clinging form,..."
the libidinal content in the notion of zero
Is the Moon proud of being the first moon on a man.
The subject is the other of the other.
Positivity without negativity is like meat without a knife.
A great genius is someone who is so unoriginal that they take something away and reveal what we already knew but didn't know it.
Death kills loads of people every year. Join the fight. Together we can beat it.
If, like me, you've moved from being a teenage boy into a progressive you have a very complicated relationship with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"are we perhaps over-hasty in our assumption that the smile of a baby is not pretence" - Wittgenstein
Ninety percent of people who have ever lived are dead. That means I've got a one in ten chance of living forever.
You've got to stop living in the past, you used to be able to but times have changed since then.
The trouble with the climate change debate is that it is all based on the assumption that we will like our grandchildren.
Just got 0 on IQ test. I maintain that the answer to every single question is 'we cannot possibly know'.
Thomas wanted a kitten for his birthday. Unfortunately he was a vulture and it was completely impractical of course.
scatological?! There's nothing logical about scat.
I blame Disney for giving me unrealistic aspirations. I've met over a hundred elephants and the vast majority have been unable to fly.
If I were a boy, I think I would understand. If I were someone who I am complaining is unable to empathise, I would be able to empathise.
"I give this whole thing a sphincter factor of 9.5" - The Abyss
My dog is such a hypocrite. And insincere. He wags his tail when I get home and then mouths off behind my back.
I wish mumsnet were a means to trap mums. You leave good schooling as bait and then drop a mumsnet on em. But it might also get dolphins.
When I go to the cash machine I'm always disappointed by the so called 'advice slip'.
What is the main Japanese stereotype?... Sony.
Looking forward to a rather "hot summer" with a certain little "old flame". Old flame is what I call the sun by the way.
I've written a novel consisting entirely of punctuation
My first word was Dada, in reference to the artistic movement
What do you call a cross between a piece of bread and a piece of bread? A crucifix sandwich.
Gender is subject to tetrational growth.
A threesome has an I in addition to the three constituent I's each of which is made up of multiple I's.
A threesome has gender.
A Zermelo–Fraenkel set theoretic foundation of gender.
We hate poetry because it is cheap to produce.
Knowing what you want is a contradiction since wanting is the state of lacking knowledge of the object. I want to eat from the tree of knowledge.
Orgasms Without Bodies
Parody is beyond parody.
It depends what you mean by "it", it depends what you mean by "depends", it depends what you mean by "what", it depends what you mean by "you", it depends what you mean by "mean", it depends what you mean by "by", and it depends what you mean by ""it"" but, basically, yeah kinda.
You can't want what you want but someone else can make you want what they want you to want.
Metaphysics is distinct from metapsychology is distinct from metamathematics but pataphysics is patapsychology is patamathematics. There is just The Pata!
A pornographic joke is a contradiction.
One peculiarity about the economic metaphor of a 'black hole' is that there is also the colour metaphor of 'in the black' being positive earnings and 'in the red' being debt. It should really be a red hole. Also an astrophysical black hole gets bigger the more mass you add.
hypercrite
School is industrial melancholy.
When I grow up I want to be infantile.
To me a fuck is a big thing to give.
The contradiction is symbolically resolved by a false antagonism.
The contradiction appears in the form of a pair.
Late Twitter
Fear of words. A regression to the infantile fantasy that to say it is to make it so.
What is terrifying out sex is its metaphysical elements.
Trying to rid yourself of self deception is a kind of disease. Those delusions serve a purpose you cannot understand.
“Religion is a fairytale.” High praise indeed!
Say what you like about it but like what you say about it.
The realm of symbolic opposites is manufactured in the material world of the things themselves.
Having a penis is no barrier to having penis envy.
In The World Is Not Enough (1999) the vulgar Freudian parody serves as an inverse commitment to Freud.
We cannot answer why the twentieth century was a failure while we dare not utter the word failure.
Those things that to say to be is to be. Those things are none.
Imposter syndrome is at odds with the widely demonstrated empirical fact that overconfidence predominates.
What isn't the via negativa?
Christ had imposter syndrome and he was right.
Truth is repulsive. And I am drawn to the repulsive.
"... you nickname God’s creatures..." - the accusation of taxonomy?
The things I wrote in 2009 are now embarrassing. And the things I write now are embarrassing. But they are embarrassing in different ways and in a way that might be called progress.
Selfish has a Germanic origin but Autistic has a Greek origin.
The I I's therefore the I I's.
The technology required to produce crisis creates the possibility of crisis which causes the necessity of crisis.
Schelling point price fixing.
I always assumed cromulent was a made up word!
"Theory of everything" as a contradiction.
Dialectical psychoanalysis can easily generate claims such as his humiliation caused his arrogance.
The female orgasm is sometimes referred to as a “spandrel”. Might the death drive also be one?
Schopenhauer hated people because he hated the dialectic. He wanted to live in a world of analysis alone.
An overweight white man is shouting "go home" and appears to be racist and obnoxious but the camera pans out and we realise it is a Spanish man talking to a football and he is actually showing friendly support to the vanquished England football team.
Imagine if instead of someone saying "hello how are you?" you replaced the word "hello" with the phrase "I dislike you" and the word "you" with the phrase "you enjoying your stupid haircut" it would be highly rude. Many arguments are of this form.
Anxiety needs a name so it may as well be that.
The lions should resign.
The purpose of a definition is to discriminate. They are invariably tautological. The tomato is not a vegetable it is an egg.
There are some topics that are too traumatic for irony that we must be humourless pedants about. Where only literal clarity is possible perhaps it is better to pass in silence. Trauma might be thought that which cannot be fully repressed through irony.
He inherited his opinions from his class and even though he personally disagreed with them it felt like a kind of betrayal not to defend them vigorously.
You want Christ without the crucifixion.
Disobedience requires discipline.
I will do whatever it takes outside reason.
History is on the wrong side of me!
That which should be the same should be the same and that which should be different should be different.
The freedom to choose between being trapped and being excluded.
Normative statements are declarative statements about the things that make declarative statements.
I wouldn't want to be Socrates or Christ because they were both losers. But I would want to be Mohammed.
A should-er is a thing that shoulds other should-ers.
A contradiction divides a one into a many.
I have been tirelessly working to create a toxic atmosphere in my own timeline. Can I buy a certified toxic mark?
I can't be bothered to learn the difference between the 'Senate' and the 'House' but I still want an opinion.
There is a point in Socrates' defence where he compares the young to horses and it really dawned on me how much of a mistake it was to defend himself rather than hire a lawyer.
Chameleons are swivel-eyed but not necessarily fanatics.
The thing that is both the biggest thing and the smallest thing.
Sunak is orthographically close to sunk.
"If you never reread you're destined to read the same things again and again." If you never misread you are destined to never read anything.
I'm cold enough to remember when heating was affordable.
My preferred hypocrisy is scopophilia with the textual denunciation of scopophilia.
My favourite thing is to run amok. All to the amoking forum!
Innocence is only possible for animals.
Yes Turing helped win the war but can we forgive him for the computer?
I'm most suspicious of people when they make incontrovertible statements.
"Vidi. Veni." - pornography consumer.
Elongated Muskrat
Newton's Worst Law.
The bullying watchdog is a watchdog who bullies other watchdogs. e.g. "The Financial Services Compensation Scheme (FSCS) is a loser!"
The I can believe something and not believe it because the I has parts.
"I have imposter syndrome" is a contradiction. And I'm all for contradictions.
The contemporary moment is in the subjunctive mood.
After a two year love affair with cancer he finally succumbed to the ultimate orgasm. Other metaphors. Other obscenities.
Every glass is destined to smash.
(parody (parody (parody (parody (parody (parody (parody)))))))
"The not nothings itself" - Heidegger.
An electric car is better for the environment than a bicycle or walking even though it is worse for the environment because it costs more money.
Knothing
Corruption is evidence of capability.
If it comes down to who is better looking out of Sunak and Starmer I guess Sunak narrowly wins.
Remisreading
Remember remember, repeat repeat, work-through work-through. The fifth! The fifth! The fifth!
One form of the inappropriate is to be vulgar in a situation requiring civility. Another more aggressive form is to be coldly polite in a situation requiring obscenity.
You have to be a conspiracy theorist to not believe in conspiracies.
In contemporary sex the wedding happens after the marriage.
The patriarchy still exists but now women can apply to be patriarchs too.
Hypocrisy is for beginners. The real aim is contradiction.
Contradictory problems require contradictory solutions.
In order for the film to function as a dream for multiple distinct subjects it must permit diametrically opposed readings. This is in part permitted by diametrically opposed desires in a single given audience member.
The only thing it is possible to do with text is complain.
When I was younger I thought that money was the most important thing in life. Now I think it is the most important thing in death too.
When everything is amusing nothing is.
The central moment of Die Hard (1988) is when Bruce Willis lies on top of his wife as if having sex a tergo while the villain falls to his death with the watch and time before cutting to the comic sound of the death itself. This is a full theoretic staging of the orgasm.
I hate words. I save my love for the world!
Repetition in Nietzsche (eternal return). Repetition in Freud (return of the repressed). Repetition in Marx (history). Repetition in Kierkegaard (definition of the ethical).
i is not capitalised
Anxiety is good for the economy.
Trajedectory
If you refuse to be free you will have freedom forced upon you.
If you cannot speak freely you will have free speech forced upon you.
You can't choose your utility function.
The US popular comedy Friends constitutes an aesthetic system. It was disrupted by the September 11 World Trade Center attacks even as it repressed them by outright refusing to acknowledge them. They reemerged in the faces of the characters.
Dare I be the one, at this late stage, to declare Britney Spears' 2003 release Toxic as toxic.
"'I did this,' says my Memory. 'I cannot have done this,' says my Pride, and remains inexorable. In the end – Memory yields." - Nietzsche
My primal scene was mildly unsatisfying.
"I'm the best." "I don't even know what the I is."
The Monopoly game board was angrily torn to pieces in what I describe as an exogenous shock.
You can't choose your utility function.
Your opinions can't save you from what you are.
There is exactly one metatheatrical conceit about which there can be no consensus. The production process can never be fully theorised so the conspiratorial irony is further alienating from the production process which necessarily posits a consensus.
Saying that saying something is like saying something else is like saying that there is exactly one thing.
I have cathexis with the idea that one must not have cathexis with ideas.
I never wear a smile that lights up the room in case I get murdered.
You can’t say nowadays anything. It doesn’t make any sense.
In order for the ego to survive intact into adulthood it needs to show the resilience of an airplane black box smashing through a ton of steel and glass.
In order for everyone to look in the same direction one person has to look in the opposite direction.
I want to have my cake and not have it and eat it and not eat it.
A woman is that which appears as a man to a man. A man is that which appears as a woman to a woman. Assuming that the self is that which appears as its opposite to itself.
The dialectics machine.
The totality of intellectual history is but a handful of amusing whimsies.
Culture is the part of the production process which self describes as the totality of it.
Writing can be a form of self harm. The pen marks the hand more than the page.
"Nothing is natural" - Simone de Beauvoir. Where do I buy one of these nothings!
Horror is the fundamental film genre because wish fulfilment in the nightmare is fully dialectical. That is, the source of desire in Horror is more properly camouflaged.
When Belle realised the Beast had turned in to a man she was deeply disappointed.
Irony production worker.
Do you spit or swallow the Eucharist wafer.
The face is the part that practices irony because it must resolve the contradictory work of the mouth and the body.
We, the audience qua God, commit the misogynist violence against Melanie Daniels in the Birds. Likewise in the gospels we watch coldly as our son dies on the cross withholding our help to the very end. Stare at your own brutality and watch your eyes burn!
God couldn't even save his own son.
My mindful and productive morning routine in Hell.
When I make a catastrophic mistake at work I find dressing up like a construction worker and organising a photoshoot can take the edge off.
I know what you're thinking. Does Britannia have two n's or only one. Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself.
Britania Unhinged
So much I considered my opinion turns out to be raw material interest.
Very few can truly submit to Marx's 'merciless criticism of all that exists'. Most of us must leave some sacred area untouched.
The first man to stutter while saying “did I stuttutter?”
The strange thing is that in the simplistic cartoons it usually peaks at 50\% anyway.
Are you 'avin a Laffer curve?
I'm considering short selling myself.
Still, at least now we can't afford to eat any foreign cheese.
A dark and psychologically complex Jar Jar Binks origin story.
Always. Everywhere. Drawing distinctions.
I will not hesitate to act in due course.
All ironic cultural production, in its positing the impossible consensus, compliments the coherent product.
“You’re being ridiculous” “Define ridiculous” “This conversation”
“working monarch”
Our masters are those that can say 'I am the contradiction'.
Making life-threats to dust.
Free will either exists or not. I either believe it exists or not. This pair of binaries introduces a set of four possibilities. I choose to believe since if it doesn't exist I didn't choose to be wrong but if it does then my choosing is consistent with the possibility of choice.
One essential feature of the breasts is that they are a pair which introduces a binary choice. The typical restaurant offers three choices which constitute two plus a surplus.
The phony choice on a restaurant menu is likewise a staging of the breast.
The liking and disliking of certain foods by children is the association of the narcissistic supply attached to the satisfaction of the will as expressed in a respected choice and is a kind of play acting of domination of the parent qua servant by the child qua master.
In the traditional deployment of sexual differences for humour the comicality of the specific differences derive from their standing in for difference as such as manifested in the contrasting genital forms which delivers a libidinal pleasure in symbolic form.
Annie Hayworth and Melanie Daniels are the same person.
Old fashioned notions of masculinity such as androgynous dress, effete manners, and caregiving.
When a fly lands on your arm to lay eggs it’s taking a punt on the possibility you’ll be dead in a couple of days.
Constitutional monarchy is like an amateur DJ.
The water molecules in the Thames are queuing to get in the sea.
A river is a queue for water molecules.
Tarski's undefinability theorem considered in Marx's/Adorno's distinction between immanent and transcendental critique. Immanent critique is impossible!
What is the unprecedented event this week?
McDos and McDon'ts.
The pen is mightier than Mr Windsor.
If lording it over us is service then my disrespect is all in the best possible taste.
"It is low status to be in the basket of deplorables." "Well then I guess I'm low status." "It is low status to be reconciled to being low status."
What sentence has the highest writing labour hours to number of letters ratio? Love is kind? Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed? I'm lovin' it?
“Nothing human is alien to me” - Roman African playwright Publius Terentius Afer. “Nothing alien is human to me” - an alien.
This is more boring than Finnegans Wake!
It is taking me a long time to get used to saying Burger Queen.
A queue to see a queen is called a queueen.
A certain paradox in celebrating the figurehead for emotional reserve when the institution is the height of over-emotional sentimentality.
Queen Elizabeth II reined for 19\% of the whole history of the monarchy!
An ancient institution going back exactly 362 years.
The gold chariot satisfies the misogynist lust for revenge for the mother’s withholding of narcissistic supply. But only symbolically!
Read “you frustrated me for seventy three years mother!”
"A good artist is not one who has an accurate understanding of the contradiction. It is one that can spontaneously produce the contradiction." - Chris Cutrone.
The Royal spectacle is designed to illicit an erotic response.
Logging in for some ideology production. I'm asking you to relate to these sentences erotically.
I want to be the sanitary hygiene bin to King Charles III's tampon.
The corgis are being ground into a special commemorative doner kebab.
The sentences are countably infinite. So the unsayable is between adjacent sentences. Between that and "So the unsayable is between adjacent sentencet." for instance.
The United States of America is the British Empire by other means.
A key feature of the religious aesthetic is its being systematic. One way that popular culture can blaspheme is in its eclecticism lacking a manifest system.
In the comic banana peel upon which a high status individual slips the peel represents a foreskin.
Mary is the ambiguity regarding which Mary. The Madonna-whore complex rendered as a superposition of exactly two and exactly three as a radical ambiguity.
I have agency over my opinions in so far as they are perpendicular to my interests.
Laughter as a form of cancellation.
The contradiction produces enjoyment because enjoyment is a contradiction.
Your response to the death of a human being is the most basic test of decency. If your first impulse is not to make vulgar insensitive jokes then you are morally irredeemable.
It is a longstanding British tradition to joke about the deaths of Royals. To criticise such jokes is to show an extreme disrespect for traditional British culture verging on treachery.
The thrilling liminal period between the death of the Queen and its official announcement.
“Yeah but no but yeah” catchphrase from UK television comedy Little Britain (2003-2007) or essay structure?
The realisation that seasons aren’t real killed one thing and birthed another.
Two Marys is comic but three is tragic.
There are three Marys but two of them are the same one.
The Devil shits solid gold nuggets.
It is grammatically incorrect to ever use the word I in any circumstances including this one.
I accidentally categorised sexuality and defecation as serious matters of business and performance assessments and salary reviews as humorous and libidinally engaging.
Utility maximisation is empty tautology.
ur-mum
Some people appear as stereotypes to themselves.
Is there anything so interesting as money? The Devil's shit!
When you live in a bedsit cooking and heating are the same thing.
Qualitative Easing.
My passion is for sex. Passion for anything else, and most definitely for any form of work, is repulsively obscene.
"Turn the other" cheek always read as an aggressive provocation to me. Like the fictional boxer Rocky Balboa showing an unguarded face and saying "you ain't nothing".
Intelligence is the ability to say nothing.
We need to try switching the UK Power Network off and on again.
Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) represents our (the audience’s) fascination with, attraction to, and ressentiment towards the wealthy. This is manifested as a sexual problematic in the form of his ambivalent bisexuality.
It is impossible for the mouth to point in the same direction as the body.
One tragic element of ambition is that the ego desires the contradictory prizes of domination and moral purity.
The great philosopher Kant had a silent period that lasted ten years. The only difference with me is mine lasted a lifetime.
It might more efficient to put antidepressants in the water supply and give the remaining ten percent an antidote.
Resentment as economic phenomenon.
I came. I saw. I said. And yet it was not sorted.
A horror film for centipedes called the centipede human.
Praise someone and be liked for a minute. Insult them and be hated for eternity.
Boxing is the only sport. All the others are just abstract violence. Put another way boxing is not a sport since it lacks abstraction.
I went on a ghost tour but it wasn’t as haunted as I am.
For some people the infinite Universe makes them feel small. To me the Universe makes me feel big; it’s stomach aches that make me feel small.
Spend more time on social media for your mental health!
Anyone that happy must be depressed.
A metaphysical hangover.
I’m the weak yet silent type.
Diseases ran out of ideas and started resorting to reruns.
Hypocrisy is a good because it is only one step away from paradox.
I hate the truth. Because the truth wont let me hate.
When people say I’m dad dancing I say Fred Astaire had two children.
I’m no public intellectual. I’m a private intellectual.
Why do airlines perform the theatrical safety demonstration? Because confrontation with mortality increases the audience’s propensity to spend.
How do you know I’m pretentious? Because I’m still alive.
One distasteful aspect of democracy is the constant moralising.
Mourning is immoral because it is a form of revenge.
The two categories that require parallel text are poetry and philosophy.
It is arrogant to claim you know nothing. Who do you think you are - Socrates!?
¡Vamos los tres leones!
The problem with physical cosmology is that it is impossible to escape its interpretation as a psychological origin myth. “The world is dominated by the dark sector.”
Christianity posits the suckling babe as the one true Utopia. This is why we can only ever live after it.
Critique only works when it had already won.
There is no consolation in philosophy.
Seafood doesn’t come from the sea. It should be called oceanfood.
The ego appears at first glance as egotistical but under further investigation is also a self destructive device more complex than any nuclear bomb.
The split between resentment and admiration structures the downfall.
Is a star that doesn't explode really a star at all?
Autopsychoanalysis is so lethal because the analyst is even more deluded and repressed than the analysand.
Freud’s distinction between mourning and melancholia can be thought of as an existential choice.
I never knew if it was an intentional joke that the son of a toolmaker would be a tool.
Whose dad made the tools required to build tools?
Sport is the dream of culture without latent content. So what is the latent content?
Murdering children is forgivable but stumbling over your words is a carnal sin.
The ego wants to have its cake and moralise about not having it too.
All relations are antagonistic. Especially the love relation!
One of weaknesses weaknesses is that it cannot utter the word weak.
If truth hurts it it’s not power.
When I was eighteen it was a common social strategy to describe popular media artefacts as "so good" where the "so" was elongated for emphasis. This process now seems almost mysterious.
The intellect is weakness. And weakness is the intellect. Because all the intellect can do is draw distinctions. Only in myth does David stand over Goliath. In the world intellect loses.
Imagine if Beyoncé was a real person.
There are around 150 million professional drivers in the world and most of them are not Formula 1 drivers.
"Does not the threat of an atomic catastrophe which could wipe out the human race also serve to protect the very forces which perpetuate this danger?" - Marcuse Can we replace the the word atomic with climate?
Imposter syndrome is the belief that you’re better than you are.
The truth is low in prestige. And what I seek is prestige. But this way of talking is overly truthful.
Wilfully ambiguous.
There are more conspiracies than there are conspiracy theories.
Clover mites reproduce parthenogenetically. In their sect of Christianity they have a slutty Mary and atheist clover mites sardonically and vulgarly refer to the impossibility of mating by two mites having sex.
I earn a seven figure salary. To two decimal places.
Yes, but all my favourite things are toxic.
Seems like a bit of a coincidence that there is always some news.
I remember the great fire of London and it was no big deal. I can remember the big bang and I admit we needed two lollies.
I used to think life was just about misery, failure, disease, and death but now I realise it can also be a little too hot.
What is the hottest part of the Sun? All of its journalists and editors burning in a lake of fire when I am lord and ruler of the Kosmos!
Post-apocalyptic is optimistic. There will be no afterwards.
There is no such thing as individuals.
Misery as strategy.
The difference between the age of the car and the age of the internet is that a ton of metal and glass travelling at seventy miles an hour will instantly kill you. This is why the current epoch is sexless.
The difference between a film and a dream is that the film must function for multiple people simultaneously. This necessitates a further layer of overdetermination. The Virgin Mary must function dialectically for both sexes. Mary the masculine woman. Christ the feminine man
Misery as strategy.
Mordaunting
One way to be kind is to say that you enjoy popular things.
There is nothing new under the sun. Then we must go over it.
Your true self is the one that doesn’t really exist.
They call the orgasm a little death but how many have an actual death that is not little!
Critical theory is the highest form of impotence.
He fitted in so well he stood out.
One aspect of the immaculate conception is that Christ himself took his mother's virginity by passing through the vagina from inside to out. This matches with his central feature of paradoxical inversion. This resolves the terror of the primal scene in us the reader.
The androgynous in culture might simply be due to the economic imperative to appeal to the whole population.
A lot of art is complaint.
It depends what you mean by “the country”.
Interesting Freudian slip in Javid's "I haven't concluded that the problem starts at the top".
My true self is a delusional phoney.
If you're moralising you already lost.
Read the room. But feel free to hate it.
Science is the belief that clinical depression is a more polite term than misery.
Brokeback Mountain is the world's straightest film.
Sweating like an anti-woke post-ironist at a meme conference.
I forgot that I hadn't meant to say that I forgot.
Since we live in a moralistic age one mark of ambition is moral fervour.
Sexual dialectics is applied to ensure the impossibility of any counterculture.
Misery is putting a sock on your right foot an hour after the left.
"A man’s mind — what there is of it — has always the advantage of being masculine, — as the smallest birch-tree is of a higher kind than the most soaring palm, — and even his ignorance is of a sounder quality." - Middlemarch.
When a journalist tells the truth he gets extradited. When he lies he gets the premiership.
We like it but none of us individually do.
"He seeks to define himself out of all troubles." - SCUM Manifesto.
Just do the impossible.
Numbers are the cruellest adjectives.
Nothing that can be defined can exist.
Total text descends into total morality.
The tragedy of relationships is that what you want from them is directly opposed to what you want them to be.
Getting what you really want is a catastrophe from which you will never recover.
The copy of a copy is the most authentic of all. America is Europe fully realised.
A Marxist is someone who describes money using numbers instead of adjectives. This is the height of rudeness.
Bad arguments are spread more than good ones because people prefer to share mocking take downs of their enemies.
“Why is that guy paid twice what I am?” “Because he has a higher quality of life to fund.”
The ego is a liquid. It takes on the shape of the vessel that contains it.
Sex is the manifest content of comedy. Class is the latent content.
Comedy is like a bicycle reflector. It reflects light from all directions.
In order to laugh at comedy you have to have a very clear idea about your position in the social schema.
You can’t fall out of love. You have to climb out.
Satire posits the fallible man. This appears as critique but is in fact its opposite.
“It is with a heavy heart that I announce my heart weighs 175kg” - a blue whale.
If overconfidence was itself a good would it be possible to think you’re more overconfident than you are.
It is rude to state something clearly because the ironic deployment of an inversion flatters the listener.
A general prohibition of unironic text.
They were saying Booris.
Socially conservative institutions encode their own mocking and vulgar disavowal. One might even say they are sustained by them!
The dream of a second puberty.
As far as I am aware the British state is the only state that broadcasts its own humorous satirical programming. This makes them seem more paradoxically dialectical than they are.
Only the powerful speak of being humbled. The humble keep their mouths shut.
Hypocrisy is only possible in a moral realm. The loser moralises. The accusation of hypocrisy is the admission of defeat.
If you’re moralising you already lost.
Platypus jamboree
The trouble with Dua Lipa is that when I look at the corner of my mouth I can’t help thinking there might not be a divide there and that actually there is just one annular lip.
Kant defined art as purposefulness without a purpose. Dare I define sport as its opposite purposelessness with a purpose.
Comedy is the most extreme form of politeness.
The Police are essentially tragic. Resolving class resentment but impossibly so. Hated from above and below. Rightly and wrongly so.
Men have an astonishing capacity to accidentally act in their own interest.
Liberal hegemony is partly enforced by the protest to advert pipeline.
We won't know what capitalism is until it has finished.
You are on a desert island with the British Prime Minister and one other person. Can you figure out which is which by asking just one question?
To watch a film is to experience as a schizotypal personality. Every event relates to the overriding narrative. Every image fits into a general schema. Every remark and gesture part of a singular totality.
One possible motivation for bigotry might be Freuds 'crime from guilt'. If bad people say some bad thing and are socially punished for it this offers itself up as a neat way to prove to yourself that you are bad purely symbolically, give the guilt a cause, and ease the anxiety.
A possible extension of Kierkegaard's line that 'anxiety is the vertigo of freedom' could be that the more anxious you are the more free you are.
Every material conflict must be made manifest in a symbolic contradiction.
Harry Styles does have good hairy styles.
The internet is the realisation of totality.
Commercial entertainment must implicitly provide the appropriate mood of its reception.
Previously there was a leisure class unafraid to flaunt its consumption. Now there is a professional performative consumption class.
Smart people are the worst people that have ever been produced in the history of the Earth.
Taking responsibility for your failures might be a form of the fundamental attribution error and ironically a fetishistic disavowal.
The beautiful autistic passive aggression of a computer is that it is too obedient.
The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism and the Mythology of Rap Music; hip hop is the final stage of Protestantism.
There is exactly one topic of conversation.
I have nothing to say except that Nietzsche’s “God is dead” refers to the crucifixion itself and not the post-Darwinian atheism.
I'm pro hypocrisy because it is the necessary first step toward development.
The subjunctive mood is the first mistake of any language.
An inverted itinerant preacher.
Any theory of the comic must account for the question “what do you do?”, the word fuck, and the figure of Jesus Christ.
The production of text as consumption. The consumption of readers.
The most common form of conformity is conformity with exactly half of the population.
I have never deceived myself. It was myself that deceived me.
Chanel 4 was owned by the UK government when it broadcast the soft pornography Naked Attraction program. The UK government is a pornographer!
Guilt is a popular emotion because it flatters the power of the guilty.
An advert that did represent the truth wouldn't be an advert.
Inflation is due to hit ten percent. Ten percent is like “what the fuck did I do?”
The whole point of Marxism is that we can't be bothered to work. But reading Marx is a load of work. I can't be bothered to not be bothered to work so it is easier to just go to work ffs
Truth is an annoying nerd who everyone hates, an annoying nerd who everyone hates truth.
Opinions are the unfortunate side effect of the ego requiring its actions to be justifiable to itself.
Likers gonna like. Haters gonna be perpetually frustrated by the absence of a hate button.
Deep down we all believe Kant wasted his life by being the greatest philosopher for a thousand years.
Free speech is assured wherever it has no power to change anything.
Not getting what you want is irritating. Getting it is catastrophic.
Self made median income worker.
A marginally nicer kitchen to cry over your cereal in.
One must do a lot of work on the idiomatic framing to ensure text parses as comic.
I'm thinking of weighing in on a big issue of the day.
To not be a hypocrite is an impossible demand.
The nine to five office job is structured like an obsession.
This may contain weak language. Is there any other kind?
No matter what time it is there is always someone from an organisation saying why it is more important than ever.
Every day I say a prayer of gratitude to critical theory for ruining every piece of popular culture I have ever consumed or will ever consume. Ever.
History is the worst judge of all. Worse even than Judy.
Airplane theatre is structured like liturgy.
I know I have bad hair because a charity salesperson on the street said “I love your hair”.
The world is your oyster. It may cause diarrhoea and vomiting.
The mouth claims it can make the body innocent. But the only thing the mouth can make is claims.
Ticklish subjects must be linguistically ticklish. Stumbling over the word is the word.
Nobody hates each other as much as nominalists and realists.
I once had a conversation with someone and then a year later we met and had the exact same conversation except we switched roles with me saying what they said and vice versa. I only realised a few weeks later. I'm not sure what to make of it all.
Dreams are characterised by an excess of logic.
"I will remember this for the rest of my life." Yeah, I guess that is high praise, but then again I can remember Scary Movie 3.
Guilt is my hobby. But my profession is shame.
Sport is so boring that the only way to promote it is with moral debates.
The science of psychology is the least interesting part of it.
Disinformation is more informative.
Turn the other cheek can also be read as an aggressive Rocky Balboaish “you ain’t so bad” type vibe.
The problem with being against dialectics is it feels dialectical.
I argue that Mick Jagger has gathered more moss than anyone.
J’adore by Dior is composed from a number of musks from the musk rat, musk duck, and Elon Musk.
A key feature of schizophrenia is being overly concrete and incapable of abstraction.
“All truth is concrete” - but isn’t truth itself abstract and not concrete?
“All truth is concrete” - Brecht quoting Lenin quoting Marx quoting Hegel quoting Augustine.
History repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce. Farce repeats itself, first as a man putting his hand on a light switch, then as a man putting his hand on a woman's breast.
Chanel No. 5 musk is made from the sweat of whipped male Abyssinian cats. This is found sexually attractive to women more than men because they are the ones buying it and they're like 'well, if it seems hot to me...'
Don't knock the midlife crisis. It gave us the Gospels and the Quran.
A contradiction implies everything. Does everything imply a contradiction?
I am inside Satan’s anus But I am looking for the way out
You won’t be young forever You won’t be old forever either
With the best will in the world I don’t think the government can turn the economic situation around. With Will Smith?
The Spring gets colder every year As our coats wear thinner
The common joke form of a sentence that is an example of itself engages libidinal energy because it is the symbolic heart of incest.
A mid-crisis life.
Trained to use a chair up to degree level.
Say what the world least wants to hear.
The purpose of comedy is to utterly consume humour into the professional sphere.
My material interests are a brute fact of my situation and completely disconnected from my ego ideal which makes moral claims. I cannot choose my interests.
A thing that cannot be liked!
By making the fantasy a reality you do not overcome it but submit to it.
What do you seek in text? Feelings of superiority.
The prime misdirection employed in cultural artefacts is with regard to the apparent addressee in contrast to the actually addressed.
Not a question of whether something exists in the world but of whether any I could make contact with it.
The I is that which resists theorisation.
Winning a major sporting tournament seems somewhat impolite.
Some cultural product did not generate actual feelings of ecstasy but it did generate the sign for the feeling.
The Trinity is obscene.
Real antagonism is represented by symbolic contradiction.
It cannot be Christianity because it is not illegal.
The present is defined by its fantasised past.
I thought I would become Homer Simpson but have actually become Comic Book Guy.
If ideas don't make you miserable what is the point in them?
I wouldn't trust me if I was you so why should I trust you?
Life is a selection effect.
Football is a neat example of dialectical materialism.
Rewatching old sporting events appears quite rare which seems central to the genre.
If I was God I would not save the King out of spite.
Dogmatic slumber sounds alright.
The contradiction signifies a multiplicity.
More than one I must necessarily construct a contradictory totality.
The I theorises against the I to dialectically sublate the I.
God defined in such a way as to necessarily not exist, defined in such a way as to necessarily exist, and defined in such a way as to possibly exist. A Trinitarian set.
Everything could change everything!
Morality is not a theory. It cannot make predictions.
When the liberal hegemon ceases to be the hegemon does it also cease to be liberal?
The ascetic is the logical evolution of homo economicus.
Europe is a museum and the United States is the security guard.
How do you know when a lawyer’s lips are moving? Because someone accidentally on purpose put them on a peregrine falcon, the world’s fastest animal, which can travel at up to two hundred miles per hour in a dive!
No views. No shoulds.
Western countries claim to claim to claim that Russia claims to claim something.
If you dislike something you criticise it. It you like it you praise it. If you love it you critique it.
I'm worried that Russia staged NATO as a pretext for opposing it.
My opinions are the dialectical resolutions of my material interests with my ego ideal. My anger is the point of irresolvable contradiction.
Imagine the absence of an Emergency!
What is the meaning of Voldemort's lacking a nose? The obvious interpretations are either a Freudian symbolic castration related to Harry Potter's death drive or else a racist paranoia associated with the classic physiognomy of the nose as marking the Other.
Romance is a market failure; a monopoly seller and monopsony buyer.
Existence as non-rigid-designator.
The mouth is a hole in the body. An unbody. And this is why it speaks in opposites.
Do not talk to me of should. Shit should not be chat! And yet.
The post-ironic performance of incompetence married with the dialectical preempting of any possible attacks to create an indestructible symbolic whole. The intellectual labour carried out by one faction of the industrial ideology manufacturing sector.
The ontological proof equivocates on 'exist'.
!AUTOSCHIZOID! What is the I here to manufacture? Bourgeois ideology. When is the I here to manufacture it? Scheduled one hour ago. Why autoschizoid? Autoschizoid!
You can't understand Marx without understanding Hegel. You can't understand Hegel. Therefore you can understand Marx.
My main criticism of the present moment is that it has been hijacked by critical theory. That's my theory anyway.
Ostinato. I'm going to say that three more times. And if you found it irritating the first time you will find it increasingly irritating with each repetition. Ostinato. Ostinato. Ostinato.
When everybody practices ironic disavowal nobody does.
One ironic disavowal unit.
autokulturkritik
Kirstie Allsopp says people nowadays spend their money on Netflix instead of buying a house. This isn't a problem for me as I was fortunate enough to inherit my parent's Netflix password.
The cultural product that will resolve all antagonisms once and for all.
It’s a comedian’s job to smooth over class ressentiment by dialectically resolving symbolic contradictions while leaving the material antagonisms in place.
Nobody is talking about the vile abuse and, frankly, bullying received by Jimmy Carr from hateful trolls. That’s because we don’t want to talk about the positives.
Judge! Lest ye not be judged.
Christ did not cut his own umbilical cord.
The trouble with cutting red tape is afterwards you have two pieces of red tape.
The trouble with Christianity is it doesn’t take Christianity seriously enough.
It is almost certain that if we determine a measure for the good and ask an infinite intellect how to maximise it the answer will be a travesty.
Nothing is so confusing as money. It is the very metric of confusion.
If religion does not pose a threat to our way of life then what is the point of religion.
If you play death metal records backwards they say satan backwards.
The Dunning Kruger effect isn't real. It is a genuine irony when people tout it who have no background in psychology research.
My biography, my very life, does not stoop to links.
Irononostalgia
Debauchery c.f. douchebaggery.
Pride consists in weakness in general and strength in particular.
If the I has component parts a Condorcet paradox of the individual is possible and utility is impossible as preferences are no longer transitive.
Equivocating on "they" as a prime error.
BRUTAL TONGUES Like the markings on a poisonous snake A brutal tongue may signal a vicious soul Or that the creature is a mimic
You can't say anything nowadays. You can say "any" fine but even by the "th" your mouth slows down. The "in" drools out with sputtering saliva and before you get to "g" you lie dead on the ground another victim of the five point exploding mouth Anything Disease.
Trinity as Condorcet paradox.
Condorcet paradox within a single individual.
You can tell a lot about a man by the examples he chooses in argument. In what does he indulge when under the cover of abstraction?
Every epoch believes satire is dead because it was stillborn to begin with.
Old age is punishment for sobriety.
Pity for the lost in general is near universal. Pity for particular lost souls is as rare as they are common.
Many aspire to be tragic figures. Few achieve more than adding another tear to the pot.
The brightest and worst. The dullest and best.
An Olympic gold medal says one of two things. They are either a great athlete or British with a talent for finding bizarrely niche activities.
Go big or go small!
ONE TRAGEDY How we love when those we hate do what we hate them for “I knew it!” The preference for being right over the possibility for redemption
The division of personality in the manufacturing of the public sphere.
Never trust a Truss.
Some text is made to be liked. Other text has some ambition.
Within the form is the last place to critique the form. Therefore the best place.
What remains vaguely interesting about Twitter is that it is yet to properly theorised.
The sublime is much more boring than the obscene. That is Satan’s great advantage.
The logic of a man’s eye being the centre of his beauty That the way he sees is beautiful
A BRUTAL POSSIBILITY That many find grief easier to bear than personal failure The genius of nature is that he serves them together As if one were a punishment for the other
Success is to live in the symbolic realm. Failure is to dwell in reality. The most successful can put off reality until death.
Pride comes before a fall. But it stays around after too. To mock itself!
There are exactly two opinions.
A clear statement is one that entails its cultural opposite.
Is it in principle impossible for a computer program to make any statements about the hardware it is run on? With or without access to a clock.
A cat can try to make itself weigh as much as a dog by massively overeating but it just becomes a bizarre overweight cat not a dog.
Commentary as mean field game. Since commentary evidently has no impact on the world it can only be read as a personal positional strategy. But then why contain any content about the world at all?
Aporiasms
Aporia in one sentence.
Irony as the pure negative. Total irony as total negative. The negation of what?
The categorical imperative is the single piece of irrational mysticism on which the whole edifice of Enlightenment rationality is built.
Accidental paraprosdokian
When we agree we must turn our suspicions toward the we.
The panda knows its situation is repulsive and does not wish to reproduce it. And for that *we* mock *them*!
Zero dimensional man.
One kindness is to performatively respond to some pose in the manner in which it was clearly intended to be received.
I care so little about you that I want what’s best for you.
As a child it seemed to me a self evident truth that the ‘that’ that Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love was anal sex.
The basic unit of textual satire is a sentence that begins in ethical legalese and switches to vulgar cynicism. But what of the reverse?
Applying Kierkegaard’s distinction between the ethic and aesthetic, in terms of the former being characterised by repetition and the latter by novelty, to popular music tells us that electronic beats are ethical.
A cause that I truly believe in is one that doesn't clash with my material self interest and does flatter my ego ideal.
The divorce of consumption and production.
The Universe is a big cosmic joke but I don't get it.
You can have it all but you can’t have it all and not have it all.
Nobody told me that I was the Prime Minister.
Nobody told me that ignorance of the law is no excuse.
It is that culture appears as the world’s opposite that marks it as of the world.
The antinomies of friendship.
Bourgeois political satire is principally concerned with corruption in order to remain apolitical.
The truth is most useful for making people hate you.
Conspicuous production
I respect the arrogance of Christianity. To write a postscript to the great books and claim they were theirs all along.
Sunlight is white by definition.
Not waving but Downing St
Sadness is when emotion moves faster than thought.
Leaving dos and leaving don'ts.
Accusing someone of insecurity is a neat double bind because to deny it appears insecure.
Classic mouth. Saying things.
The atheists are hopeless optimists. They believe it will all end.
That the truth is sour does not mean that it is a sour grape.
Bodily arithmetic
Biased towards the good.
Mocking that which is designed to be mocked as an act of obedience.
Dialectics is like playing yourself at chess. It is difficult not to pick a side.
Native English speakers lack a mother tongue. It’s like we were born in an advert break.
Critical theory is the sourest grape of all.
I'm past my date by date.
Use by dates are past their use by date.
All reading is misreading.
On On On On On On Liberty
Novel gazing
Thwumbph. Thwumbph. Thwumbph. Thwumbph. Through the ear against a pillow. Relentlessly threatening to relent. Threat. Threat. Threat. Threat.
Reading is an attempt to find that sentence that will, once and for all, prove your innocence.
Christianity as new technology.
Christmas is an obstacle. But to good or evil?
“You never think it will happen to you.” Who are these insane optimists!
Freedom is the ability to distinguish between the body and things that are not the body.
The leaves still on the trees just look ridiculous now. Like thirty year olds living with their parents.
Perhaps one aspect of the sadness surrounding Casaubon’s death in Middlemarch is a flash of recognition with Casaubon! Like the repulsion at evil the stirring of the shadow.
It is also not clear to me if this is intentionally evoking Hegel’s notion of the identity of opposites and importance of contradiction.
“War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” - 1984, Orwell. But ignorance isn’t the opposite of strength. In fact, based on my trips to the gym I would guess that ignorance is correlated with strength.
I'm looking forward to finding out which of the two elite sports people just go to show you can achieve anything you put your mind to.
An optimist thinks Christmas comes after Easter. A pessimist thinks Easter comes after Christmas.
I lost interest in sport when they started making the athletes wear clothes.
Amused by the idea that sport “shouldn’t be ideological.”
The epoch of intellect. The epoch of lies.
Analytical poetry
To live through precedented times would be unprecedented.
Since I suck in oxygen and blow out carbon I am on fire. I am a fire. A strange word breathing fire but fire nonetheless.
Intellect is the mark of weakness as Man is the weakest animal.
Omicron male
Nietzsche as secret schizoid. He withdrew from the world to create a fantasy philosophy of himself as entering into the world. Schopenhauer as the reverse. He created the philosophy of ascetic withdrawal while dining out and being promiscuous.
What a radical change to reading that we now start with the last sentence and read our way backwards to the first.
Imagine the vapid empty soullessness required to be ok!
Deploying “are you ok?” as a bad faith attack is apocalyptic.
What the journalist showed is that the question “are you ok?” is typically an aggressive and unkind one that you are right to be suspicious of as it may be coming from a snitch. A kind of universal paranoia.
The variant is out of joint.
The tendentious is that subset of the sexual which problematises the relation of the I to the pure I.
The sexual is the failure of the I to affirm its Iness by annihilating itself by contact with the pure I.
And every age has its paradigmatic tendentious entity.
Psychotic episodes and jokes both dialectically interact with the tendentious.
It is scientifically impossible to follow science.
Freedom is knowledge of the indivisibility of the I. Without freedom the I can be divided indefinitely.
In Hell everyone is in a team.
But the pot is correct about the kettle.
God is a man because he doesn’t know if we’re even his.
Alan Turing’s suicide by apple was the most deliciously ironic gesture of the twentieth century. Naming a computer manufacturer after it the crassest.
A more Oedipal Terminator film in which John Connor realises that he in fact sent back the Terminator and Kyle Rees was sent by SkyNet.
Intellect is the ability to evade the Truth.
Utility assumes immortality.
The average speed of a formula one car is zero since they invariably move around closed loops.
Contemporaneity is so shallow that it cannot produce anything that shall be incomprehensible to future historians.
Lewis Hamilton’s failure lacks the grandeur of the properly tragic.
The famous Freudian sexual neuroses implied by Dali’s lobsters applied to Jordon Peterson’s well known claims that we “scientifically” have emotional responses in common with them. Hierarchies as formalised sexual neurosis.
The old variants. Past it. Drunk in a pub. Complaining of irrelevance and the incomprehensibility of the new variants.
Mask wearing rules have been tightened from 'oh go on' to 'now come on now'.
It itself.
I was a new variant once.
Zombie God. Dead but walking.
In Heaven you can dedicate all your time and energy to misery.
What is a palace without some crass art decrying palaces in general?
A grizzly bear kills a rival in a truly sickening fight to the death. Shitting and bloodied, the victor, with broken leg and dislocated jaw, said “this just goes to show you can achieve anything you put your mind to”.
The tendentious can never be eliminated. But it must constantly shift around the locus of sex.
Outrage is effective because both your friends and your enemies will promote it.
The argument from desire leads to the possibility that the inner structure of desire being contradictory generates the possibility of the absolute being contradictory.
The leftright.
Paranoia creates the conditions for its own vindication.
Data and facts appear so innocent at first glance.
The slaying of the patriarchs is the foundational myth of the patriarchy.
The Socratic dialogues are structured like a situation comedy where every episode Socrates tries and fails to define some basic concept. Nothing is learned or gained but we simply witness a series of repeated logical pratfalls with ridiculous cameos trying and failing.
For all I know the stomach ache is in the head and the migraine is in the tummy.
The Western genre as a form of moral cosmology.
The unity of superiority and incongruity might be symbolically unified by the word fuck coinciding with the tautology. There is an incongruity between superiority and incongruity and a superiority of incongruity over superiority.
The deployment of the word fuck in the contemporary joke is often coincident with the tautological or contradictory break which is the manifest content of the joke form. Is there some genetic unity in these logical and obscene elements?
The fictionalised version of yourself that constitutes your profile actually is how you really wish to appear!
A fact fetish.
The contradictionary shall be filled with contradefinitions.
There is only one contradictionaries.
A definition of any word is impossible!
Darwinian evolution is a tautology. This makes it a contradiction in thought and is the heart of the contradiction of the English.
The contradiction cannot be shipped without any ressentiment at all. That is the dominant latent content.
We can't have artificial bodies so lets have artificial anti-bodies.
What is disgusting about the television is its claim that tragedy is banal.
An atheist is someone with no taste for the dialectical.
The utter cruelty of redemption in advance. What am I being redeemed for? You’ll see.
Put a golf course on the Moon. Just to spite ourselves.
Libidinally inflected double bind partaking schizophrenia machine.
The master of Hell is your doppelgänger.
"Enjoy!" as classic double bind.
Gender is the space between the public space and the private space. That is why gender neutral toilets typically eliminate this space by having the door directly separate them without the 'air lock'. Likewise the household typically does not have this liminal space.
The word should is schizophrenic because only the superego double bind producer can issue shoulds.
Do you partake of partaking qua partaking with regard to partaking in the form of partaking?
The Flesh made word.
Kant's enlightenment definition 'debate all you want but obey!" as obscene double bind. There is a perverse pleasure in ordering the subject to obey a master while implicitly disobeying by questioning authority and therefore undermining the authority.
¡Be inspired! ¡Be inexistent! ¡Beunbe!
Money as reason incarnate.
¿Did I stut?
Electoral democracy as contradictory double bind.
"What is to be done?" - Lenin "Nothing to be done" - Beckett's Vladimir "Just do it" - Nike advertising slogan
"Democratic election" as tautology, contradiction, synthetic statement, or other.
Does the myth of mental illness (Szasz 1961) entail a myth of mental health?
Superego as double bind contradiction. Therefore we associate the producer of double binds with super ego/power/patriarch. Ego as impossible response. Id as third excluded option.
c.f. a remark Prince Phillip made that 'discipline is freedom'.
"Take back control" is a double bind. If you obey it you disobey it. Double binds have been shown to cause schizophrenia when repeatedly given to children.
Bullshit but the bull is a paid actor and the shit is made of mashed potato by a set dresser and the whole thing is filmed in IMAX.
What is the difference between causes and effects? Effects are caused by causes but causes are caused by effects.
The plants will have their revenge.
We are all lies that were made true.
Technology is progressing so fast that soon you will be able to travel, in just one hour, from somewhere you don't want to be to another place you don't want to be.
Eating is the price that must be paid for buying food.
The shit in your bowels is less real and more abstract than the money in your wallet.
The upside of failure is that you can do something useful with your life.
In the free market place of ideas I prefer cheap ones.
Twitter is not the real world. The 990 thousand square foot Metro Technology Centre that hosts their servers in downtown Atlanta does not exist. The four million kilograms of carbon dioxide it generates yearly does not exist. The bodies of its five thousand employees are ether.
One cannot dissolve the antinomy of science and religion one at a time. They must be transgressed together. They must die together like romeo and juliet.
Language itself is unacceptable.
1000 pages of Hegel and I still don't know whether the infinite is distinct from or identical to the finite.
Nobody knows what the word 'is' means.
Metamensch
The police as a branch of the entertainment industry.
Hypocrisy is the mark of power because power is exactly that which demands of others what it does not do.
Libidinally inflected text.
Against hatred in all its forms. Even hatred of evil.
Failure is most exquisite when it undermines the ego ideal.
It takes spectacular levels of normality to accurately portray strangeness.
Money makes all things equal. Which do you prefer out of Heaven and Hell? Merely let the prices of entry equilibrate.
Where there is unity and oneness. Where there is singularity, totality, coherence. Where things come together in purity. There you know you are in Hell.
One unfortunate side effect that the coronavirus vaccine can have on some irritating relatives is that it can stop them from dying of coronavirus.
There are limits to free speech. What about brutally aggressive remarks such as “what are you thinking about?”
Nietzschoid
The uncomprehending audience is always imaginary.
Irony is just another means for animals to fight.
Therefore cruelty is the basis of any possible counterculture.
The basic motif of sport is equality; the clash of equals. The utter domination of the lamb by the eagle is anathema to this as it is the necessary foundation of cruelty. Nay, the motif of postmodernity!
A disequilibrium in the symbolic field corresponds to an equilibrium in the material field and vice versa.
Never give advice. If they succeed they’ll forget you gave it and if they fail they’ll blame you.
“A dog cannot be a hypocrite” - Wittgenstein “A Wittgenstein cannot be ironic” - a dog
Learning a language is easy. It just takes ten years and much consistent effort. Unlearning one takes genius.
“Be so good they can’t ignore you” - that guy from Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005).
The exactly one universal commodity.
Human labour as meta-commodity.
All that is liquid solidifies.
The fetish is not just the association of a random object with some unrelated concept it has to somehow be the opposite.
We need to stop saying we need to stop saying things and start doing things and start saying we need to stop saying we need to stop saying we need to start doing things and start saying that we need to start doing things and actually do them!
I prefer actual goats to the greatest whatevers of all time. At least they don’t spout moronic shit like “this shows you can achieve anything you put your mind to”.
Once in my life I’d like to try an improper burger.
Archaeopteryx is a pun.
Utility. Meta-utility. Double meta-utility. Absolute utility. Useless.
The fetish object as conjunction of opposites. Car crash as sexual fetish because stop motion is logically equivalent to in out.
The electric car is an example of commodity fetishism. They have somehow tied the idea of environmentalism to something that is literally bad for the environment. Like buy two get second half price ties the idea of abstract saving to literal spending.
I’m attracted to older men because they die quicker.
Remember that electric cars are bad for the environment. They require energy and materials to produce and run. They just are less bad than other things such as a petrol car driving the same distance or fire bombing an oil field.
Does “game changing” mean we change the actual game like from football to tennis or just, like, we marginally change the way we play the same game like we keep playing football but get a little tired and slow down a bit.
Sentence manufacturing is always pathological.
We both had problems. She manifested what I call total guilt. A double grief had led to the tragic realisation that even suicide didn’t offer her a way out. And I had a stone in my shoe.
It is no accident that the first existentialist was a Christian.
“The ability to use knowledge to achieve goals” - Steven Pinker’s definition of rationality. Oh good, that just leaves the trivial problem of deciding what your goals are.
The theology of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989).
A thank.
We first identify with the centurion. Then the camera performs its dialectical turn and you see the spear of destiny enter your own ribs.
Mental health problems are for those who lack the intellect for misery.
A God that cried! Only Man could think up something that repulsive.
The immense pessimism of Christianity consists in an if. If a perfect person appeared on the Earth what would we do? We would kill it no doubt.
Did God commit suicide or did he trick us into killing him?
The trouble with saying we have to act now is that after we don’t act you were either lying or there is no longer any point in action.
99 problems but a rounding error aint one.
The physics of the pill changed the metaphysics of sex.
Avoiding change requires too much work.
Nothing enslaves the mind like a dream.
The I belongs to mammon.
If you’re nor resentful of parliament it’s not functioning properly.
May you never need religion.
Deeper and deeper up the ladder of phantasmatic masters.
The lamb calls the eagle hypocrite too. The squeal of that word merely seasons the meat.
The Truth promises revenge. That is its first lie.
The cult of smart as fragile as crystal. As if money were crystallised intellect.
See it. Say it. The problem remains did you seriously think seeing it and saying it would magic it away?
Mental health is the name of a repression. Of misery that dare not speak its name.
Oh, so I should blow someone else’s trumpet should I? In a pandemic!
To be a waste of space is actually quite complimentary. At least it is basically neutral.
One counter to “show don’t tell” is George Eliot’s reflections on events in Middlemarch. These seem more insightful to me than brute descriptions.
Extreme in every degree. In size and smallness. In good and evil. Joy and sorrow.
Atheism as the pretence that life is not tragic. God as the absolute tragedy.
Psychopathy as will sans libido.
Framing relativism as subjective is bizarre. It is exactly an objective treatment of the subject. “The observer’s frame of reference”. Intentionally conflating the moral with the physical.
The scapegoat as a deep personal need. As the ultimate tragedy of the subject.
The only thing that matters is matter.
The physiology of a word might not be arbitrary. Breathing might have some ancient significance. What screams and wails condensed into these clean abstractions!
Professional levels of irony second only to industrial levels.
Tell don’t show.
Absolute Idealism = Absolute Materialism.
Marx turned Hegel on his head but Hegel turned on his head is just Hegel.
Post-Imperial College London
Chocolate free guilt.
Matter is an idea. Ideas are material.
Ideas tell matter what to do. Matter tells ideas what to say.
Gendered first and second person pronouns (Hi,Shi and Hou/Shou) alongside the ungendered third person e. Possibly because 0.5 probabilities are maximally informative.
The hyper meta double irono Hegelian materio ideological ideology of matter.
Cultural-Marxism is contradictory in the sense of ideological materialism or materialist ideology which is neatly Hegelian.
The marginal benefit of opinion holding as symbolic gesture in equilibrium with actual relation of opinion to material conditions sets opinion price and benefit.
The boy from The Emperor's New Clothes grew up to be Schopenhauer. And everyone hated his aggressive honesty. They rightly condemned him to loneliness and bitterness for his lack of tact.
Generative Adversarial Networks c.f. dialectics
The cup of blasphemies is the set of all sentences.
I can act in contradictory ways only insofar as the actions are linguistic.
You can say actions speak louder than words but you can't act words act more actier than actions.
Shit shat
If the climate crisis is at one minute to midnight are we saying the age of life on earth is a day? Which at four billion years old or whatever would make a minute about three million years? Or people on earth? Or is it a day in a life? But midnight usually comes and goes by fine
with a capital apostrophe
The ‘pataverse.
What is beautiful about numbers is that you can add dollar signs to them. What is sublime about money is that you can count it. Like the world was waiting through the aeons to crown digits kings of the Earth.
The pataverse.
I am the CEO of ‘Pata.
Typically the manifest content is politically opposed to the latent content.
The UK thinks it’s all that just because its flag looks like a pizza.
I don’t understand how to access any part of the British Library except the cafe.
When I was at school it was common practice to wet toilet paper and throw it at the ceiling so it stuck creating a large mass of dried paper over time.
Shakespeare should have put a spoiler warning in the prologue to Romeo and Juliet. Very inconsiderate.
The flying fish and the swimming bird! Let them be friends and share in festivities.
The English are a silly people. But at their best they can be highly irritating.
Crimes against happiness
“Emancipation from self imposed nonage” requires the majority remain in nonage.
Grief is a sin that the dead do not forgive.
Every Sentence (ES).
Humanity is in the mirror stage.
The best you can hope for is to never find out.
An accurate account of the illusion. Possible or impossible.
The little kid in the Emperor’s New Clothes is an irritating pedant. Rudely commentating on the physical deterioration of the sick.
Cardiac sin. Cardinal arrest.
The animal that claims to be an animal is the animal that claims not to be an animal.
Guilt precedes the wrong act. Causes it it even. This is the basic logic behind Christianity's paradoxical notion of preemptive redemption.
Waterloo is about masochism.
The labour theory of value is implicitly zero sum.
"Can God kill himself?" "It is finished!"
Content is never incendiary. Only style raises blood pressure.
His only crime was being unbearable.
The supreme joy of failure, its allure even, is the reaction it brings about. The spiteful renunciation of the world brings the modesty of eternity. What smaller desire than for the infinite?
There can be no science of the tragic because the scientist is a comic figure.
The dream of a world where all are masters.
Apt that Americans pronounce data like dada.
I don’t have utility but my utility has its own utility.
The sum of all utility is zero.
The modesty in writing the greatest study of disappointment.
Something slightly comic about misery. Breaking down at a minor misfortune like spilling tea is quite childlike.
Love at first spite
Untility maximisation
Extinction is getting off lightly.
So called imposter
You can really tell the kicks in the groin that were written by Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
The intelligence theory of value.
Artificial intelligence presents itself as the final contradiction but of course it is not contradictory enough.
The immanent critique speaks with an I. the transcendental critique speaks with an it. Are we witnessing the death of the immanent critique? The I is dead. It remains dead. And we have killed it!
I come from a class not even able to reproduce its own failures and contradictions.
Give me the fiery pit of Hell but please no more entertainment.
To be a tragic figure is to partake in the divine. To be happy is to live forever in the shallow end.
Perhaps the resentment in Limmy's viewing of James Corden is built into the content. It is to be manifestly loved and latently hated.
How to look at X?
What did you think of the film? I don’t know I need to go and read the reviews.
Perhaps Herzog's hatred of psychoanalysis is because he is aware he depends on a mystification.
Falling into the notion of aesthetic rank. How low have we have come.
Football and other sporting events might be a way to dialectically repress the homoerotic interest of older men for younger men.
Heard too much that you cannot speak.
The infantile refusal to speak in sentences.
Contradiction is a seed that grows into a dark forest.
I am represented in my dreams.
The Marxist is pro big capital and pro gun ownership. This is a basic and uncontroversial point.
The smile is the mark of power because it signifies the bite!
Stomach ache as contradiction.
My pronoun is mine.
One problem with utility is I think it is possible to prefer A to B, and prefer B to C, and prefer C to A.
Should be is the opposite of will be.
The temptation of grief. To languish in it decadently and self indulgently. To give it your full heart in faithfulness as an insult to the dead.
Why is there something rather than everything?
"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him" as a concise summary of the Gospels.
The basic inefficiency of working in an office, that fifty percent of buildings are empty during the day and the rest during the night, is crucial for maintaining homelessness, worker discipline, and debt bondage for accommodation.
In order to distinguish between plus and minus you need multiplication.
All women are men. But not all men are women.
Yes, but better to be economically illiterate than economically innumerate.
The difference between science and art is science doesn’t know it’s useless.
People nowadays want to have their cake or eat it. Back in my day we could neither have a cake nor eat it we just had to have our faces rubbed in it by the Queen.
I believe women belong in the kitchen. But that's because I live in a studio flat and otherwise my friend would have to spend all her time in the toilet but I just made her a lovely quiche.
Be true to yourself as a means to be cruel to yourself and thereby indulge both your masochism and sadism simultaneously.
All my confusions organised into a perfect schema.
Truth speaks to power. Power acts upon truth.
How might artificial intelligence process contradictions? Dialectically somehow. Organising antinomies.
The demonic laugh of a young man seasoned with the vinegar of recognition.
I am a maggot and England is my carrion.
“All concepts in which a whole process is summarised in signs escape definition; only that which is without history can be defined” Nietzsche, on the genealogy of morals. Might this create an antinomy between Foucault’s history of sexuality and a meaningful definition of a sex.
I don’t know what I want and I know how to get what I don’t want.
Steven Pinker’s next book is to be called Taps. It will include articles describing how taps are good actually and without them the water would splash you in the face and make a mess. “People who are against taps have often just had a bath or drink which is inconsistent .”
“Lumpen intelligentsia” - Eagleton from Culture.
So-called Davids.
What happens to debt after the apocalypse?
The mood of the moment is dread. And what is dreadful is it might fulfil itself.
In Steven Pinker’s book Rationality he issues the imperative to “follow reason”. Counter to Hume’s calling reason the slave of the passions. Perhaps a reversal he is unaware he is making.
There is something faintly ridiculous about a well researched argument. The writer simply drops a highly obscure but very relevant piece of information on the page like a journalist with an encyclopaedia.
Disembodied text is always vaguely tragic.
Writing as a way to hide. Like a personal misinformation campaign.
Spectral wordslash
Text is an inadequate response to every problem.
Looking back on all the wrong things I have said I take some consolation in knowing I never understood them.
The Hegelian notion that progress moves from East to West… but keeps going across the Pacific and back where it started.
Philosopher king as oxymoron. If you encounter one you are either in a dream or in Hell.
A ballot dancer
That uncanny moment where the sister finds the Eroica record in Psycho. The implication is that an artistic soul is suspect.
With a combination of sour grapes and sweet lemons you can make a kind of disgusting drink of grapey lemony piss.
Nothing to be found in books but tears. Torn from eyes unwilling. Weary faces worn down by hours indoors.
System justification theory might be rational if my marginal interests are opposed to my absolute interests. This dissonance could be solved by simple hypocrisy; by lying about what I want.
Apologise? My whole life is an apology.
I would never call anyone scum. I just treat them like it.
Fine line between superstition and anthropic reasoning. If I think something and I am by definition average then others might also think it. Or, I can make others think something by thinking it.
The benefit of failing is you don’t have to pretend to be modest.
Difficulties defining a woman c.f. Plato’s definition of a man as a featherless biped and Diogenes plucking a chicken and saying “Behold! A man!”
It is possible to transform yourself between atheism and Christianity without changing your mind about anything at all.
Just because you lose doesn’t mean it was the wrong strategy.
I am not a hypocrite. The I is hypocrisy itself.
You speak ill of sour grapes? But sour grapes gave us Adorno.
James Joyce describes the cervix in a letter to Nora Barnacle as “that little cock at the end of your cunt”.
If you are struggling to fill up with petrol due to driver shortages simply wait for catastrophic climate change to kill a vast array of sea creatures, which then fall to the bottom of the ocean and are gradually cooked into petroleum over millions of years.
There can be no doubt that Marx serves Mammon.
Mr Bean actor Rowan Atkinson has an HGV license.
The exactly one commodity with a commodity fetish.
"Argue all you want but obey!" - Kant's formulation of enlightenment. "Obey all you want but argue!" - the contemporary counter-enlightenment.
To have your cake and not have revolutionary terror too.
You can never get what you want but if you try sometimes, you might find, you can never know what you want either.
Pride-shame as the fundamental antinomy of the I.
Some of the contemporary culture can be explained by different physiological responses to text compared to speech. This is the epoch of text.
What is the master ideologeme in the systematically distorted communication today?
Money is abstract happiness and capital is abstract money.
Hymn to Capital
Either I is grammatically incorrect or the I is.
Dreams do not take place in one timeline except just as you wake and time simulation restarts and the whole coalesces. This is the origin of 'condensation' as a form of dimensionality reduction.
In Heaven the dollar bills say 'in Mammon we trust'.
I choose Mammon.
The disgusting modesty of the sciences.
Religion praises the weak but intelligent David where science loves the strong but stupid Goliath. The world is utterly unthinking but kills you with its fundamental strength. No witty lines just time.
What we hate about science is that it has no respect for intellect.
You can have a free spirit or a free mind but not both.
England will never have a Merkel because we don’t deserve one.
The identity of opposites as applied to genitals.
Bodies with vaginas, bodies without vaginas, vaginas with bodies, and vaginas without bodies.
The reason my opinions are so bad is I fail to make the basic Freudian distinction between manifest and latent content when reading popular slogans.
Bodies with vaginas c.f. body without organs.
You can amplify any voice you want and claim it is representative. After that all manner of “we”s, “should”s, and “ought”s are possible.
Critique only the good. What is to be gained from attacking the bad? Mere tautology.
“There is no surer way to misread any document than to read it literally.” is clearly an ironic remark.
What we most hate about Marx is his scientific rigour. Careful empirical research is so deeply tedious.
The few are the many.
From sour grapes is made the finest Champagne.
Bodies with penises will be bodies with penises.
The best way to promote some idea is to argue against it.
Hypocrisy is a necessary first step toward morality.
So confused he wasn't confused anymore.
Arguably too dialectical.
Superstructure and base as applied to your own self; how much symbolic exchange mere physiology?
Materiology contra ideology
False archetypes; no kinder thing than a stupid man with power, no crueler thing than the reverse.
The trinity is the mathematical formulation of the prohibition of incest.
My true authentic self is an asshole.
I do my own stunts on Zoom.
"Analytical philosophers make very precise statements about things of no interest and continental philosophers make meaningless statements about things that are highly interesting". Thus opening a space for a new philosophy making meaningless statements about the uninteresting.
Apropos postmodernism who cannot look at the twentieth century and say thank God we are no longer modern.
Anti-hypocrisy is a highly refined form of superstition.
Bayesian Kantianism. The model and prior compared to the a priori ground of experience.
"Self love is the cause of all sin" - Aquinas. Postmodernity makes the opposite claim; that self-love is the ultimate virtue. Might the happy say 'us miserable sinners' and the miserable say 'we are happy and proud'?
Woodward and Bernstein were conspiracy theorists. The theory was later confirmed.
One must be careful when trying to make ones enemies feel guilty. They will probably enjoy it.
Heaven is misery properly understood.
Fuck my poesy.
They hate our way of life. We have so much in common.
Should is not a word.
The crucifixion satisfies our pride and shame because the proud sadist can identify with the Roman centurion and the shameful masochist can identify with the martyr. Most of us enjoy both.
When the debate gets metaphysical you know it’s real hate.
The obnoxiousness of youth wants to be heard. The cruelty of the world listens.
Every sin is a virtue. Every virtue a sin.
If you're feeling miserable about something then you can always do something to change it. But don't worry, you can always find something else to be miserable about.
Performing guilt as a claim of innocence.
What the cat most enjoys about toying with the mouse is the guilt.
Analytic and continental philosophy are opposites. Exactly, they are identical.
Checking a thought system for consistency is a kind of evil. The supreme good.
"Son behold thy mother, mother behold thy son" as the opposite of Home Alone where the mother goes away, the depraved sadism occurs, and the mother returns. And the Americans call themselves Christian! Or the reverse.
In the systematically distorted communication bad faith is necessary for text production.
What is repulsive about Home Alone is it projects on to the viewing subject a pre-Freudian innocence regarding the sexual interest of the criminals. The sadistic pleasure taken by the apparently innocent child therefore stands as a hypocritical accusation.
Why two?
Material antagonisms find a paradigmatic mythic antinomy. The very purpose of metaphysics?
Every fussy child knows that oral pleasure consists in the human labour that is embodied in the food. But the sweeter pleasure is to show the labourer the disrespect of performing displeasure. Thus we see the cruelty of the will even in babes.
How can a determinist and incompatibilist account for literal slavery? If I am not free anyway what difference?
The paradigmatic example is the opposite of the paradigmatic example.
The twist at the end of television will inevitably be that of the Pilgrim’s Progress.
What mythic logic in replacing only one of two? What mathemic motion?
A complete lack of critical spirit manifests itself in liking and disliking.
All jokes are offensive because the laugh itself is abstracted cruelty.
Every I finds its paradigmatic opinion. Something that reconciles its self conception with its self interest in some perfect dialectic union.
An objective view is one in which causes and effects are identical.
If only we could cancel culture. But on it goes with its sport, its religion, its drunks in the street.
The identity of cause and effect.
A Contradictionary; an encyclopaedia of contradictions.
Of all the culture industry's products sport most fully encapsulates Mao's conception of the contradiction.
Tourettes as negation of the negation.
My whole life I have stood up against my opinions.
He is a nice guy. And I honestly mean that as an insult.
He was so clever that he misread Hegel.
Proofs and antinomies. Each proof generates a new definition and new antinomy.
One aspect of “unconscious bias” is the implicit Freudianism.
Satire can only really stage battles already fought and won since it must flatter the reader’s morality but all true morality consists in being hated.
Going to the moon is an admission that you don’t have the capacity to fake it.
The I is the interface between pride and humility.
Pride is a masochist and humility a sadist.
That which dissolves when properly theorised.
We are condemned to be free. But many of us skip bail.
The resurrection cannot be televised.
There is a kind of superstitious political discourse which argues for and against things in terms of what is preferable. As if I could make myself immortal by arguing life was preferable to death.
Given there were two towers at the world trade centre where was the actual centre? Between the two?
Lipstick round the eyes and eyeliner round the lips.
My prediction for the twenty first century is that China will save the world from American communism. Doesn’t that have a ring of historical irony to it?
When I watch TV I don’t know if others might be watching the same channel at the same time. So how do I know if I am the only one watching my own senses?
A woman is that which cannot be defined and a man is the opposite.
Lets cut out the middle man of imperial measurements and go straight to Biblical ones.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush as a Kantian formulation of the ontological proof.
The I is that which is seduced by the ontological proof.
The problem of evil. The solution of evil.
Insufficiently futile.
What is the point in trying to blaspheme after Wolfman.
Does mattress come from the French maîtresse for mistress? Disgusting.
Dada science.
The animal that has to be taught how to have sex.
What is the difference between prayer and meditation?
"To love is to will the good of the other" - Aquinas. Compared to the contemporary use of 'other'. Under such a schema to not other the other is to hate them.
The commodity form is the reverse where essence comes before existence. And this is where labour becomes the uncomodifiable commodity. The universal essence of value the thing that has no essence. Value becomes the accumulated conversion of existence to essence.
States are failed by definition.
Materialism is the preference for real sex over pornography. "Mr Do beats Mr Say any day of the week."
Only a man who never tasted cock or cunt could utter the line 'love is kind'. There is a majesty to its universal terror but kind!
Aquinas' claim that it is impossible to define God puts it on the same ontological footing as the existential man. 'Existence precedes essence' could be rephrased as there exist things which cannot be defined; which have no essence. The I is redefined with its every utterance.
History is on the wrong side of me.
'Proof of work' accidentally equates labour with computation. But computation is merely the revelation of hidden essence.
A mid-crisis life.
Homer Simpson completed the system of literature that began with Homer. The full stop lies behind us.
A parody of a parody.
My idea of saying it like it is to do the impossible and cognise the Kantian ding an sich not merely frankly describe sexual relations or some such!
Whenever something is taken by force it is as if they have also won an argument.
The stomach says no. The head says maybe.
The laughs of Ricky Gervais and James Cordon are the physical representation of "lol". It is a signifier of libidinal engagement without libidinal engagement. The medium demands laughter and that is the only means to physically produce it.
I think that Limmy has genuinely psychoanalysed James Corden.
What I most disrespect is those who cannot read their enemies.
I can’t be bothered to blaspheme anymore but I am grateful that I could.
What is tragic about contemporary media is that it is consumed alone by people too tired to produce their own amusement.
The market price of time is 0.05 a year.
A compete theory of colour is impossible!
Let us spend time together that we may learn to hate each other cordially.
I have zero understanding of the British public.
Newcomb's paradox could be rendered as imagine the future is already determined and the future is not already determined.
"It was awesome." "It sounds awful."
Food goes in the mouth and shit comes out of the anus. A penis goes in the anus and philosophy comes out of the mouth.
Idealism without ideas.
The Enlightenment was the set up. Modern physics the punchline.
The trouble with Utopia is that it has become possible.
Most fail in love not through an inability to give devotion but to withstand it.
Materialism as the desire to accumulate money tokens and commodities is the opposite of materialism as the belief that the physical world is the only one that exists. Because the latter sees no reification in the commodity form but simply inert objects devoid of desire.
A man of lettuce.
Democracy is impossible because it gives you what you want.
Every prejudice latches on to some true fact.
Either and or
I like what treats me with the disrespect of telling me what I want to hear.
Existence and essence are born together.
For all the text machine’s talk of content it despises content and produces only empty frames.
The anti-Copernican counter-turn.
The I can only be known through its illusions.
Christianity’s central motif “our Father who art in heaven” is obviously Oedipal, in the sense of that man who sleeps with mother is an imposter, as to be vulgar. But the genius lies in its resolution through its abolition of the primal scene. In that sense it is post-Oedipal.
The I is that which cannot sit astride an antinomy.
The libidinal economy of popular children’s video game Minecraft is a double abstraction. The fetishisation of commodity fetishism. A reification of reification. Labour producing some desired thing is the desired ‘thing in itself’.
When man dreams it is merely frightening but when a body of men dream that is called terror.
When you lack both the modesty required to be innocuous and the intellect for hypocrisy you can simply change your mind to follow your body.
So transfixed by the the beauty of my perfect error I gave up on the ugly real.
Well versed in contemporary errors.
The accidental consequence is the purpose.
The most extreme and virulent form emerges just after its dying gasp.
Hierarchical antinomies. One ultimate antinomy.
A kind teacher used to respond to an idiotic answer by saying 'I think you are answering a different question'. I think I might be answering the wrong question in general.
The compendium of bad sentences.
Might Nietzsche's most famous lines 'God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him.' be read not as the Enlightenment making belief impossible but as referring to the crucifixion itself making him Christian by mistake? We the mob bayed Pilate for the blood of Christ.
When you are the problem you need to find a bigger problem.
hypotypical
Don’t live in the present. It involves having opinions on things such as football.
Jesus wept but Satan sobs.
Opinion as epiphenomenon.
Ethical exploitation
Benefit-cost paralysis
theory theory
If cats commissioned art by mice it would be anti-cat agitprop and the cats would like it all the more. For what sweeter pleasure than the squeal of prey!
The grammar hides the 'missing third term' 'everything that thinks is' that makes the syllogism inside the cogito. But where?
I don't believe in I.
The corporation is the legal recognition of telepathy.
This event is based on false films.
We don't have a counter culture but we do have a culture counter.
Thomas Jefferson’s claim that pride is the hardest sin to avoid because if he found himself humble he would be proud of the fact. Alongside Terry Eagleton’s claim that we invented divine punishment to assuage guilt but we are masochistic so enjoy the punishment and feel guilty.
Refutations and refutations
Everything is the exception to a rule.
God and mammon as Kantian antinomy.
Human sexuality a basic reversal of animal sex.
Life is a choice between having what you don’t want or not having what you want.
Morality provides excuses for acting in your interest.
There has only ever been one atheist and he died on the cross.
A disease is superior to your utopia because it has being. The cancer in your bowel higher than your dream of freedom. Immense beyond comprehension where your dream made real would be mere madness and terror.
Death is impossible but that doesn't mean it won't happen.
Sentences are born in pairs.
"A study by Oxford University's Saïd Business School found that workers were 13\% more productive when happy."
emergent satirical propaganda
Polymathematics
Guilt on caffeine
If you don’t talk to yourself you must think you’re not worth talking to.
I knew I was confused when I started moralising.
Do I think that because I complain I am innocent.
Either either/or or not either/or.
The child first learns to speak and then to be silent.
Those who do not welcome everyone are not welcome.
24hr sermon
Class antagonism as tautology.
The ¡Gesamtkomödiewerk! apparatus is a mechanical schizophrenic.
The mouth is born open.
The I is a robot.
The dream of text without latent content.
Those who produce only text believe text to be important.
So many tragedies are a matter of the right thing at the wrong time.
The aid in USAID is unironically an acronym.
My life’s work is to slip by under the cover of bad faith.
¡The I is an egg!
All text is sour grapes because the true sweet grapes are the silence of action.
Self hatred is a trick the ego plays to dialectically puff itself up.
Did Turing prefigure Lacan's necessity of the splitting of the subject given his original Turing test had the computer pretending to be a man or a woman against a human? The he/she/it trilemma. Like a Fisher's argument of the self.
All my text sets about the impossible task of reconciling my material interests with my ego ideal. The text fails.
I am the surface of an egg. I don’t know if it will hatch a bird of prey or a snake.
Total warming
The genius of English is to automatically, or a priori if you will, call Kant a cunt.
Against C S Lewis’ trillema making a quatralemma.
So-called “scientist”.
The opposite of text is smell.
Faith is the space between contradiction and paradox.
In defence of a degraded discourse.
Omnimpotence
Women find unemployment unattractive. They are the Keynesians of the dating world.
Fate’s cruellest vengeance is an accurate memory of youth.
In contemporary usage community means category.
If only someone had turned on the bread oven with Descartes in it then we would have a new dish baked Descartes instead of that quote.
The best thing is one of either the best thing that exists or the best thing that doesn't exist. The ontological proof then depends on the assumption that every existing thing is better than every non existing thing.
The Theory of Everything* * Except the theoretician.
Incitement to love.
The contemporary verb to other alongside Hegel's 'the reflection of otherness in itself' where the mirror unifies the subject and object. We see the contemporary use presupposes the subject alone. To be anything other than other to another would be to be in Hell.
"Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?"
I pissed my life away for my mental health.
A virgin birthed sex itself!
The standard Darwinian account is that sexual life evolved from a presexual form of life. Does this logically entail a virgin mother of sexual life? Is exactly this ironic paradox the contents of Mary?
Their Lord is grammatically incorrect.
The Whole World is sour grapes. Because the World is not mother’s tit.
There are bakers that bank and bankers that bake but wankers wake to empty accounts and no bread.
Man made God in his image!
The dividual I spurns happiness as the highest repulsion. It cuts it in half.
The idiot fly tries in vain to escape through a closed window. The idiot man doesn't even think to try. Outside the summer humidity prepares to crack the sky in two.
Christianity is necessarily foreign.
The Earth's air is falling out. It's line receding to the horizon.
We live in an age without prophets because imagination is impossible.
If you don't make time for hate it will make time for you.
I hate negative reviews. I give them one star.
The literal dissection of Alan Sokal as 'Pataphysical prank.
"You have opinions about my opinions" - Billie Eilish. Yes, but I have opinions about your opinion about our opinions about your opinions.
Step two in our "hermeneutics of quantum gravity" is to read "quantum gravity" as a contradiction. How to read that which cannot be written?
Reading out the binary encoding of a pornographic film.
You can't change what you are by changing what you say. That's what every I does.
¡The I is a dividual!
If I was directing the movie a long term adverse health impact of the vaccine would have a certain narrative appeal.
Every counter culture eventually becomes an Olympic sport.
“Terror seeks out the odd, and the sick, and the lost.” - The Peregrine.
When I make it my task to blaspheme I immediately run up against a limit. The master blasphemer, their Christ, cannot be outdone. He was himself blasphemy made flesh. His words a mere aftertaste.
Let love and hate wed that their baby be moderate.
Sexual double entendre are the master puns because sex is ambiguity. Want is a pair.
In 2077 scientists discovered an eighth type of ambiguity.
Antitropes.
Drive thru funeral directors.
“I love you” is a quote. Love itself is a quote.
Let us begin our “hermeneutics of quantum gravity” from the starting point of the etymological relation between gravity and the grave.
It is vital that the culture industry changes its representations of dog’s tails.
"The meaning of life" presupposes a speaker and a listener. The living subject experiences vertigo at the question because it alternates between the two. If I am the speaker I am the listener and if I am the listener I am the speaker.
There are some questions that it is impossible to not know the answer to.
"Consciousness is an illusion" breaks down because only a conscious subject could hold false beliefs and experience an illusion in the first place.
The I is an uncaused belief in all things being caused.
Nothing. Not nothing. Niether nothing nor not nothing. Neither nothing nor not nothing nor neither nothing nor not nothing. Niether nothing nor not nothing nor neither nothing nor not nothing nor neither nothing nor not nothing nor neither nothing nor not nothing...
The claim of the dream was that the sexual and the disgusting are unified. It made this claim by my forgetting which it was.
Joey Suffolk
To say “I am a miserable sinner” and be surprised that people presume you mean it.
It is neatly schizophrenic that Kanye West identifies with the biblical word for you, Ye. Under what circumstances are the words you and I reversed? You don't know. Know myself!
"Bitiah found the infant Moses floating in the river by chance." "That's what she said!" The Freudian interpretation is strangely the only example of doubting the truth of 'what she said'.
The I/you mediates its power over the you/I via symbolic reference to some other absent subject pair.
Nichts über alles
“...he looked in the liver.”
The easiest way to lie is with a graph.
Text which claims to only contain literal content is suspicious because the text itself denies to have a sufficient reason. It claims to have come about through no writer's will. It claims to lack a navel.
Sokal's prank 'hermeneutics of quantum gravity' might be an interesting thing to actually try. Might we see in professional scientific research a 'latent mythology' that might be found by analysing the literal, moral, allegorical, anagogical aspects of the text.
The best list in the list of all lists except the list of all lists.
If there are many Is all looking through my eyes must they have the same thoughts?
Truification
Science is a corrupt judge. When someone breaks the law she changes the law.
Human beings standing in a line. Are about to get shot or buy a coffee.
"That which knows all things and is known by none is the subject." - Schopenhauer. Under such a definition objectification is what happens to a subject when it is known.
Identity of Indiscernibles. Identity of opposites. Opposition of Indiscernibles.
Why work on artificial intelligence when we are yet to create natural intelligence.
It was the best of times it was the worst of times. There is only one time and it is therefore both the best and the worst one.
It hates words.
Ask not what your country can do for you but why am I introducing the very categories of you and country under discussion.
There are n + 1 types of people. Those that are in one of n categories and those that aren't.
Memes. It’s all me me.
Elite mouths know how to spit at the elite. But elite hands are well behaved.
My critique is perpendicular to my material interests. That is, they are left intact.
Marx and Nietzsche are identical and opposite.
Experimental design to measure the number of marshmallows that can be forced down a scientist's throat before he renounces his sins.
And you will know my name is the Landlord when I lay my deposit claim upon thee!
My tongue is at a right angle to my eyes.
"The purpose of education is to reproduce the relations of production" c.f. anti-education.
Never listen to the words of any media. The physical apparatus for broadcasting the video or music deployed is the latent mythological ground. The words will always and everywhere be an inversion.
You are seeing it. Therefore it was meant for you. Regardless of who it claims to address.
Fall up and wake down.
Conspiracy experimentalist.
My identity is my opposite.
Adjectives are not commutative. A red dog is different to a doggy red thing.
The spirit of contemporaneity is autistic. The world wants to put us all in a line.
The purpose of galleries is to degrade and mock art. To nail paintings to the wall as a warning.
Truth is ugliness. Beauty falsity.
I can't change my interests by good intentions.
I say something nice occasionally so I don't have to do anything good for a couple of years.
You're not successful enough to make self-deprecating remarks about your career.
And you shall know my name is The Lord when I say “hello I am The Lord, pleased to meet you.”
The more someone hates hypocrites the more they hate antihypocrites.
The Noumena does not speak.
When all you have is a hammer you need to question your life choices.
The internet cannot be switched off. It can never be switched off.
“Materialism without matter”.
There could be such a thing as human nature that is unknowable.
Nice to know you're represented in Heaven.
Anal-ysis.
The world is falling.
The metaphysics of gastrointestinal complaints. Nausea is existential. Diarrhoea is nihilist. Constipation is analytical. Stomach aches are stoic.
Is part of the appeal of chocolate that it looks like shit? This fits dialectically with the logic of its causing constipation.
Not even the apocalypse can comfort me now.
A mind riddled with science.
No transparent white because white, grey, and black are the same colour?
The failure to end all failures failed to end failure.
Was Mary a virgin after the birth of Christ? No, because she had an orgasm during the delivery.
There is one sex but it has three parts.
If you’re very lucky life will be tragic. If you’re unlucky you’ll also lose a child or have a terrible illness or something.
Since Christ was a failure by failing you partake in the divine.
Taking pleasure in guilt can produce more guilt if done properly.
I exist therefore I think.
Wealth consists of poverty.
Is it reification to believe electrons exist?
Everything I say is a quote.
Those who preach decadence are suspiciously gym’ed to within an inch of their lower abdominal circumference.
Empathy is a prerequisite for kindness. For cruelty too.
Symmetrical cemeteries
antisynthesynantithesyntheantisynthesis
Render unto Caesar the dagger.
Following a thought of trains.
There are two kinds of categories. Binary categories and non-binary categories.
The only thing an Englishman can do is apologise. All they will listen to also.
The “latent mythology” in the gush of joviality. Is broadly pagan. But that is to praise it too highly.
We so want other people to be simple that we make ourselves simple in an attempt to prove it.
Con-nonformist.
History is written by the winners. Religion by the losers.
Lambs complain about Eagles’ hypocrisy.
“Only the Sith talk in absolutes” “That sounds like an absolute” “Ok, we all talk in absolutes occasionally, but I do accuse the Sith of overusing them”
We each take refuge in a weltanschauung which renders us innocent.
The division of labour in the manufacture of a fulfilling and meaningful life.
The set of all things that are in no set.
Cant/or
Radical ambiguity.
Nietzsche is more anti-Kant than anti-Christ.
A sizeable fraction of the Bible is hate speech.
The horizon of the I is a sentence.
The Banality of the New.
The passage from not I to I. How is this waking up staged.
The I is a Hilbert space. It’s sentence set is a zeroth of it.
A conservative is someone who has to explain when they are being satirical.
The Devil knows all the right things to say.
The universal blank page.
The Christ claims to be the Son of God, a self evident lie since it claims to be the True-False. The I believes itself to be the True-False. Therefore the I believes itself to be Christ-like. Therefore the I believes Christ.
To be measured is to be found wanting.
The marshmallow experiment casts the child as Eve and the scientists as God. There is no surprise the scoundrels would try such a dirty trick!
Christ as physical manifestation of a pun.
Might it be possible to discern Tim Vine’s Christianity somehow riddled into his puns?
Dreams really can come true in Hell.
The film Jurassic Park (1993) is clearly arguing that climate change is not real.
The ruler was the start. Hell sent. Everywhere Man is measured. Everywhere cut at the root.
The one thing that love is not is kind.
The human animal is an anti-job.
All the I can do is manipulate text. All the text can do is manipulate the I.
The 'AID' in USAID is unironically an acronym.
A version of the ontological argument based on the axiom that everything that exists is better than everything that doesn't exist.
It is important to remember that the real world is not Twitter. They have completely unrepresentative sentences without any punchline at all.
Can the World Cup be we all hold hands, put the football in a comfy bed with a goal themed duvet cover, and sing the Care Bear theme tune.
The national football team as sinthome.
Viagra Galactic
We secretly despise people who answer questions.
Humbled when they win. Proud when they lose. What strange creatures are sporting men.
Just a little unconscious satisfaction deep within Southgate. Remembering, Repeating and Working-Through.
Southgate back on the front page as the return of the repressed.
The desire to put a flare up your bum is the one thing I do understand about football.
“I hate you” is not hate speech. “I love you” is not love speech.
It is impossible to know whether England is a country or not.
Three shirts on a lion.
There is exactly one thing in itself.
Something faintly disgusting about modern athletes performing fully clothed. Like a denial of the Athenian. The pretence that it is not fundamentally aesthetic.
There’s more that unites us than divides them.
I make a point of only talking about things I don’t understand. Everything else I know I don’t understand.
Saying “ha” with an inward breath.
One criticism of the pandemic is that the basic metaphor is somewhat pedestrian.
Life would be unbearable without sour grapes.
It was my intention to regret it.
The One Tenth of the World Cup.
Reification itself.
The pandemic is like the shark in Jaws in so much as we can project all the fears, theories, reifications, and general phantasms on to it that we had before entering the cinema.
The philosophers say it would be better to have never been born because hating life is a prerequisite for philosophising.
I thought the sound of silence was a paradox but it really does have a sound and it changes with age. A terrible thing.
Darwin’s great genius was to point out that things which have some trait have that trait.
All the opposites all the time.
The most brutally effective soldier is the one who empathises most with his enemy.
The I that utters this sentence relates to the place the I is via its utterance.
The virus is giving us a taste of our own medicine.
Pata itself.
The dialectic itself.
Repetition itself.
The intellect is a parasite. I call that high praise.
They haven’t eliminated the category sin but merely changed its name to things that would be sins if sins existed.
Viruses do not replicate via sexual reproduction. It’s not even enjoying this!
The five stages of winning are also denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
John McAfee, the creator of a successful anti-virus software, committed suicide during a pandemic.
Christ the preacher of prodigality accidentally invented the religion of thrift. And the reverse.
Freedom is the opposite of slavery and war of peace. But ignorance and strength? How are they opposed? Did he mean to complete the trinity with the typical inversion?
The dialectic dissolves everything. Good dissolves into bad. This is the corrosive acid of the intellect.
Mephistopheles is a greater wit than God because what need does perfection have of wit?
The sentence changes meaning on its passage through the mouth. One might say the mouth inverts the meaning.
If the Christians were bragging when they said “please forgive us miserable sinners” all manner of linguistic tricks are possible. Complaints as attacks. Modesty as egoism. Humility as pride.
The bigoted style.
Love wins. Love crushes and destroys its opponents. Love is a great and terrifying empire that brings death and firestorms in its wake.
Love wins. But I find it difficult to identify with winners.
There was an Eden. It was mother’s milk and it’s never coming back.
Sta andando a casa.
Reason rhymes with sour grapes because that’s what it is.
“The flower on the chain”
All the labour facilitated by Joey Tribbiani.
I’m proud to be humbled and humbled to be proud. The I really does think that!
All true cheer is at someone else's expense.
Undemystifyableness
The interest in science lies in the sublimatory gymnastics required to project your fantasies on to the abstract. The “falsifiable”.
Against aufheben.
The God of the New Testament keeps his mouth shut. A God too timid to speak is no God at all.
The formation of the I must follow a similar move from contradiction to tautology.
The meta-theatrical element closes the dream.
The set of all incomplete things.
The English invented the pursuit of happiness. They don’t know what the hunter will do to its prey.
The dialectic is automated. Simply traverse the matrix of possibilities and impossibilities.
The caused uncause.
The I wasn’t vaccinated against the Bible by receiving small doses in childhood.
Plucking out your own eyes. Nailing yourself to a cross. Drinking the hemlock. The trinity of dialectical suicides. Anti-Oedipus/Anti-Christ/Anti-Socrates.
Nietzsche’s attack on Socrates for the ugliness and weakness of dialectics as a meta-dialectical gesture.
Adam and Eve as a feminist myth because obedience is weakness. Man couldn’t even imagine freedom until it was explained to him.
You make your mouth your ear if you want.
The mouth as a hole from which commands come out or dialectics goes in.
What can the mouth do except dialectic.
The monolectic.
English football fans abroad are legally required to say “football’s going home” by the Queen.
Why the Universe but not the God, the I, the me? An I, a me etc.
I is a set.
The prayer wheel website.
Generalisations and splits.
the poverty of the will
libido contra ego
The will to will.
Interest is the basis of asceticism. The marshmallow test is designed to demonstrate calculable animals' subordination to interest and to the morrow.
The ascetic animal invented the hamburger merely to demonstrate his ability to deny himself hamburgers.
The purpose of education is to lower the price of chair bound bureaucratic labour.
Try the measure the I. The I tries to evade measurement. The I is that which resists reason.
There was this guy who used to call my dad 'the cunt'. So I might legally be called son of cunt.
1) Nietzsche's claim that the weak are intelligent because the strong don't need to reason. 2) The contemporary claim that the human is the most intelligent animal. 3) Therefore the human is the weakest animal.
The dead undead
Love's shadow.
Thought for food
Where judgement must precede understanding.
Which came first; the chicken or the word chicken?
Meritocracy is those things I've ever succeeded at. Everything else is disgusting nepotism.
I am fall asleep.
The Wizard of Oz is about cryptocurrency.
The name for the penis is the penis itself.
Of course A Midsummer Night’s Dream has a play within a play. Is that not exactly the meta theatrical device of dreams themselves?
Does the fact I dream of the theatre say more of the theatre, dreams, or me?
It was not that they had sex in spite of the deaths but precisely the corpses that energised their libidos.
A fresh mother should be congratulated. It’s the baby that needs commiserating.
Write the beginning of this sentence from before the second time the word this is used and then write the word this.
When God saw the world from the outside he said 'it is good'. When he saw it from the inside he killed himself.
If someone has the same idea as you they either stole it from you, or, more likely, it was obvious.
The matrix of possible combinations of which of sex and gender are rigidly designated.
The I believes in its own innocence.
There are two kinds of people. Those that are not easily categorised. And those that don't exist.
You can't say nowadays.
The opposite of sin is faith but the opposite of faith isn't sin.
Guilt is nature's alarm clock.
The queue for the vaccine is a great place to pick up fellow ropey lost souls in their late thirties.
There is an I in Microsoft Teams.
A man may guard his misery like a bear her cub.
To be forgiven is too great a burden for most.
Rationality is the ability to be manipulated.
England is a land of busy shops and empty churches.
Nonsexical
The Antistgeorge
"I don't fear terrorism as much as a state capable of eradicating it" - Baudrillard.
C.f. Marx’ remark apropos political economy “that would be like believing a man’s opinion of himself”.
Company makes everything dialectical.
Science is that field of human activity destined to be called "science".
The animal that knows it's an animal.
We all have a duty to help others. That's why, today, I am opening the thirty fifth annual conference of the non sequitur society.
There are many languages. There are a small number of metalanguages. There is exactly one patalanguage. The language of the angels. And we can never speak it.
You can never really forgive someone for dying.
On that subject it is impossible for me to tell the truth. Isn't that true of all subjects? No, only the important ones.
A neighbour is just an enemy you haven't got to know yet.
"when a subject is highly controversial—and any question about sex is that—one cannot hope to tell the truth." - Woolf
Miles Davis is completely unrealistic. In real life people just don’t play trumpets that well.
I preferred delusion.
At some major sporting success a sports player might say “I will remember this for the rest of my life” but I can remember a slight mood about the way a seagull ate a chip in 1998.
The [0,1] interval is non-binary.
They were saying “boo-tiful and apt protest”.
We are going through a period of Ptolemization.
When you rent a car you have to feed it petrol but when you rent a person they feed themselves in the night time.
A child laughs at the word fart because of a linguistic dialectic. An actual fart is in a sense the word for itself. So in creating a symbolic representation of ‘the first word’ the mouth renders itself an anus makes the first word the mirror symbol for the whole language.
Thank God there is no owl big enough to hunt men. The mouse didn’t dare grow consciousness. The terror would have been too much to bear.
A beast of prey so cunning she actually persuaded others to do the killing for her. To neatly pluck and butcher; to wrap in plastic. Even to cook and season and place on her plate.
I reenact my life each day. Waking in semiconscious nonage. Morning arrogance of adolescence before evening sees the two adulthoods combine. Likewise the older man peaks around the afternoon before slowly fading to sleep.
I promise not to be trust worthy.
If I were ever to be in this exact situation I’d be less of a hypocrite than I am.
If God shat out the Universe we must have given him a stomach ache.
Simulation as parody.
Authentic art is the easiest to fake.
Universal exclusion from the universal schemata.
Anxiety must be named. The name of namelessness.
We are most proud of our lack of understanding.
God as the largest language model.
A theory is a special kind of mistake.
If St Thomas Aquinas was right and in the Garden of Eden getting an erection was a matter of will like raising an arm would you want to go? And it’s the atheists that gave us Sildenafil!
Could you describe a friend’s face in such detail that a stranger could identify them? Might gender be a category of this form?
Millennial irony is a self constructed cage which cannot be escaped.
The space between colour and light is the space between the tomato-fruit and the tomato-vegetable.
Unsolving problems.
The world’s most dangerous philosopher against the world’s least dangerous bear.
I only like things that others like since it makes you look bad to like the unliked.
It is impossible to say anything specific about it beyond a single empty superlative.
Physical pain might bring tragedy to the foreground as a coping strategy.
My head so far up my own arse it comes back out my mouth. And speaks!
‘Patamodernity
An attempt to provoke bewildering.
Only in ‘Patamatics can one manipulate fallacies.
The I is self-similar. The whole is equal to every part.
Moral theories are a weapon with which to attack your enemies.
Contemporaneity has no taste for apocalyptic literature; it is the most popular form.
The Twentieth century was measured in megadeath. The Twenty-First shall be measured in gigadeath.
The pandemic is the set up. The punchline will be truly monstrous.
Every commodity generates its own theory of value. There is a sugar theory of value.
Ideological critique by literal volume.
‘Patapatics
A general proof that there is exactly one ‘Pataphysics.
The easier it is to say, the less true.
Sex is pure logic. The unification of postulate and proposition. The self-positing I dissolved.
Friends character Joey Tribiani haunted by terrible visions of diphalia; or two penis syndrome. Visions of the Enemyverse.
A smiling leader is one thing but smiling leaders quite another.
The veil of ignorance with a zero risk price function cannot distinguish between any zero sum inequalities. Any inequality has the same expectation.
Whether to assume you are being read by friends or enemies. Each entails an opposite strategy.
The first sentence accuses you of thinking the opposite of it. The second accuses the first of the other opposite.
The United States of Americans is an actually existing Utopia. That is what makes it Hell on Earth.
Boe Jiden and Joris Bohnson
Shit plays a surprisingly prominent role in logic. It is, if you will, the Zeroeth postulate.
I celebrate the Queen by stamping her image on every shit I do. Drawing parallels with historical claims that shit occupies the same metaphysical space as money.
Outrage as Jacob Rees-Mogg decides to remove portrait of Queen from pocket and dump it in Coca-Cola machine at Clacket Lane services.
¡PShite!
The circus is precisely not perverse. It is all the audience facing in the same direction like a single unified gaze that is that.
The identity of opposites.
Harry Potter’s potency fantasy requires the killing of his parents and his victimisation by his parents in equal measure. This split between the three sets sustains his flight. The third is the absent third element.
Peregrine Man swoops at himself.
Christ was like a vaccine. A half dead God injected into the symbolic mythos to render Christianity impossible.
In Hell you have to make a world from scratch and then live in it. In this sense God was in Hell when he fell to earth as Christ. That he committed suicide is the most pessimistic statement. The world died on that day along with God. The Word died.
I don't have opinions. I have interests which have been symbolically contorted into arbitrary signs to signal to those with like interests.
If you wanna break some eggs you can also make an omelette and break the meta-egg too!
Towards an ideological critique of scientific literature.
One must have a perverse pleasure at being wrong. To seek out new pun unifications to mark errors.
One must not counter counters with counters.
Christianity without Christ. A religion founded by followers of UK government propaganda minister Ian Hislop.
If you're not for me you're for me.
c.f. pride-guilt
"Guilt-pride"
Quantitative desire.
What is beautiful about money is that you can count it.
Seeking in the name of an imaginary friend some sign so obvious as to be utterly elusive.
What greater insult than uncritical praise.
Strictly speaking there are two Friends.
That group of people interested in being a single we and that group not.
The Devil is a proper subset of God.
In the realm of symbolic exchange the only events are the exchange of symbols.
The ¡Gesamtkomödiewerk! apparatus was constructed by the fictional character Joey Tribbiani in the Friendlyverse to unpunchlinify the World Trade Center Attacks and create a world of pure comedy.
Joey Tribiani discovered the ¡Gesamtkomödiewerk! apparatus while acting in the play Enemies in the Friendlyverse in which the writer postulates some terrible terrorist attacks caused by a Wagnerian MacGuffin 'the tragedy apparatus'.
The real is that which breaks libidinal flow.
I don't believe in conspiracy theories. I believe that the Watergate scandal was actually a conspiracy by the media to fabricate a conspiracy.
The tritone is the problem. Pure problem. Making the problem the centre of the totality. The explosive contradiction which seeds the whole.
You know that Mansfield Park is about the British Empire because it is never mentioned.
In its function to symbolically cohere the totality it has no choice but to become pure contradiction.
Irony is ideological because it claims the set of people who do not parse the true inverted meaning is not empty.
Things should be shouldlier than they are.
I is the thing that therefores itself.
In the symbolic field the appetites are represented by a slender body and asceticism by the reverse.
And it is this rhythmic nature of humour. The sexual repetition if you will. The ‘ha’ following the ‘ha’. That cannot accommodate the historical moment; the event; the break; the difference.
At its base the American situation comedy Friends is the symbolic negation of the World Trade Centre attacks. And from this anti-castration is constructed a pure and total libidinal arena.
Oh to be an American circa 1900-2050.
The primal scene as mythic contradiction of the will in contact with itself and Christ or the Terminator as its dissolution.
Morality is now concerned only with symbolic exchange.
Contradictionary
The superconscious subego
Subnatural phenomena
Around six types of ambiguity.
The one true illusion.
God has great cosmic timing.
Comic spacing
It is a falsity universally acknowledged...
That which is the opposite of itself.
The daffodils and the bluebells wait their turn like actors in a play.
The self described enlightenment.
Say what you like about saying things but like the things you say.
Progress is real. The progression to death.
Christianity is like quicksand. Every theoretical move to drag yourself out pulls you deeper in.
“It is absurd to say...” “Sounds true.”
This is a time for love. And I hate it.
If actual magic took place. If my fingers turned to feathers and rabbits poured from my arse hole. It would probably be more boring than Harry Potter 2.
Statistically the twentieth century was a good century! That's how fucked statistics are.
There can be an anti-Christ but never an un-Christ.
Evil obeys the categorical imperative.
Man on a roundabout.
"ratiocinatio polysyllogistica"
I want it both ways. All want is both ways.
The Sex Pistols and Thatcher as the same basic phenomenon. The opposite encoded in the apposite. Like dancers at a ball.
The best we can hope for is I lack to intellect to draw the conclusions inherent to all these ridiculous beliefs.
Pornography is an epitaph for sex.
Egoism implies the existence of idism and superegoism which both sound worse.
The basic mode for the conjunction of image and text is for the two to oppose each other. My sentences seek to deny what I am, but in so doing, affirm it. A source of much confusion.
One confuseme
That which resists schematisation.
Yes, you are Billie Eilish, but where is Billie Eil?
Around three hundred million sentences per life.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change the world?
Language is the trap of traps. We’re in it now and we’ll never get out.
Amateurs are more professional than professionals.
When flowers die other flowers put dead humans on their coffins.
Strawberries grown in the ashes of martyrs.
An English gentleman does two things in private. Shit and vote.
Only ruins are eternal. Ruin itself.
The contemporary man complains about anxiety because he doesn’t see it as the moral pinnacle it is. To encounter his freedom. He instead wants to wallow in the abyss of happiness and fulfilment.
Freedom begets unfreedom because all freedom is the freedom to commit.
No matter without ideas. No ideas without matter.
Five things every smart person should know. I don’t know what they are but I know there are five of them.
The American word smart is so repulsive to European ears. At some meta symbolic level it occupies a similarly aggressive place as the smile.
The spirit of capital is feminine. That is to say it is ironic.
For every strength you show your children will punish you with weakness. Weakness strength.
I don’t like spending time among animals because I fear one of them will recognise me.
Incoherentism
No matter without ideas. No ideas without matter.
The vacuum cleaner is the filthiest piece of dirt in the house.
What have animals got against nimals?
What have astronomers got against stronomy?
Hegel describes the cogito as a syllogism without a middle term. Is a joke like that? The sublation takes place in the reading.
The trouble with holding convictions is they require you to constantly change your mind.
As impossible as it would be to establish the USA in one country.
Unfortunately the solicitor’s office is closed. We are sorry for the convenience.
Food preference as primitive dialectic.
¡Pshit!
Ntrue nand nfalse
Neither true nand/nor false
If it can be narrativised into something that my I can categorise into some binary judgement then that process which generated it is illusory.
That which whiches that.
Self interested rationality might be rendered tautological by defining the self as that which reasons. And in rendering it tautology we free it of meaning altogether.
What is the aim? To maximise utility. What is utility? That which I aim to maximise.
The means justify the end.
We can make better weapons faster than we can learn how not to use them.
Each of Aquinas’ five ways is properly an antinomy.
An atheist is someone who prefers to be bored in ugly rooms.
Primitive accumulation/primordial fluctuations
Only a Sith deals in absolutes. More or less. There may be a handful of other groups who also deal in absolutes. And, I mean, I couldn’t say I’ve never uttered an absolute. But, generally speaking, I think its fair to say that the Sith do use absolutes more than I’d like.
I once tried tried to throw someone out of my stand up comedy audience because he was laughing at me. He angrily refused. But he stopped laughing.
Obscenity is the clear expression of the implicit.
The Devil always agrees with you.
He swallowed the western canon while it was still loaded.
Artificial nature.
Symbols must be introduced in opposing pairs. The hamburger with the slim body.
Productivity video.
Postmodernity is the impossibility of dying for a cause.
The epic struggle between good and good.
Which bizarre combinations of opinions are not taken yet.
A surplus of surpluses.
When he enters a room it is as if the dimmer switch was turned thirty degrees anticlockwise.
She is very cultured. Like a fully developed petri dish.
The simple opposite is the basic sentence form.
No concrete propositions.
No subjects without objects. No objects without subjects.
“Choose love” cf Plato’s claim that those who are most hated are those that speak the truth.
The animal that can fail.
When we praise the binary opposites diversity and equality it is because the words entail their domain. We know we are not calling for a diversity of power and equality of identities. This conjunction as a lyrical dyad is key to their mythic functionality as twins.
Jordan Peterson is against postmodernism and for the Simpsons.
Away from an atheist ethics
Born without aura.
The work of art in the age of digital reproduction.
Mind as a limit on time.
The existence of a time machine is precisely what would exclude the possibility of freedom.
Contracausality as a definition of freedom necessitates the existence of a time machine.
The rectangle, like an idiot, is never short of something to say.
The notion of the counterpart.
will be able to have done
Civilisation is very uncivilised.
The Lake District is the most unnatural place on Earth.
God is the strong silent type.
I’m not the sort of person who does the things I do.
It’s the people above you who find you condescending.
The sky is too big.
The result of prohibition was the cocktail.
Did David Foster-Wallace leave a suicide note? Yes, his corpus.
Time doesn’t flow in empty space.
Apropos Wittgenstein’s tiger, if artificial intelligence could talk we wouldn’t understand what it was saying.
The left believes it is important to recognise the bad sides of the British Empire as well as the good. The right believes it is important to recognise the good sides of the British Empire as well as the bad.
Nobody became drunk on power but many became drunk on weakness. Literally and metaphorically.
She who cannot hate also cannot love.
Minor insults can quite quickly grow to deadly enmity where a simple act of violence might have prevented all ill will.
Too much negativity is always simultaneously too much positivity.
The thought of the Mediterranean forming from a sudden flooding through the straight of Gibraltar is astounding.
Paradise is a catastrophe in slow motion.
History is written by the winners. Philosophy is written by the losers.
Complaining about people complaining is a real and common phenomenon.
Newcomb's paradox appears quite easily solved to me by just considering the problem contradictory.
Transcribing the act of laughing out loud as lol converts a bodily unconscious affirmation into an anxious disavowal and denial of commitment.
The minimum wage might become the maximum wage through the dialectics of value.
Every man must pay in the fullness of age for his youthful beauty.
Believing your enemies are fools is the mark of a fool.
To ask whether worker bees are female is possibly to equivocate on the word female.
The Truth is the height of rudeness.
Anxiety is the anxiety at the possibility of no anxiety
God is dead and God has killed him. He died by suicide.
Sport is artfulness without any art.
The obscene professionalism with which our leisure is administered.
That period of time for which the graphic depiction of a penis is typically displayed in comic media. If it is not taken away the humour-libidinal flow is aggressively cut.
Sentence architect.
Everything that is the case is the world.
The lawyers of physics
"If free will is an illusion then we shouldn't punish criminals since they aren't responsible" "Then we are not responsible for whether or not to punish them it is already determined by forces outside our control."
All video is pornography.
'The other' in existentialism as mother or additional subject is opposed to the contemporary use as the objectified non-subject as pure identity. Where once the subject was traumatic now the object is.
The smile, as an aggressive display of the beast's canines, is read as its opposite in a claim on the part of the viewer.
The 90s pop suicides as promises fulfilled or promises betrayed.
Imagining that there could be something that someone I imagine might enthuse about in my imagination and letting my enthusiasm flow into that. And that is set by our 'we'.
My delusions about the past now are so much better than my delusions about the future were.
At some point there will be nobody. The higher we go the higher we fall.
Pornography objectifies the viewer.
Regarding popular T-shirt slogan “choose love”, if you choose it it’s not love.
"I die daily." Sometimes I die multiple times before breakfast.
We bring nothing into this world. But we can take up to 150\% extra out for a limited time only.
"For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." Adam as Anti-Christ. Christ as Anti-Adam.
Language is an infinitesimal part of the world.
Children and adults alike, need a worst word.
The speaker exists. Something must be played through it.
The price of being an actor is knowing what you are.
An answer to the question ‘what would a true contradiction look like?’
Christ’s suicide as both the most and least hypocritical.
You are dragged kicking and screaming in to life. But you don’t need to leave it that way.
The mother is the primordial terrorist. She introduces the trauma of another subject. She drags you out of the pure worldless I.
The I is the complement of the world.
You can’t have it both ways. Au contraire, you have to have it both ways.
The best thing about emotions is that they are motional.
I am passionate about illicit sex. But they deillicified all the good stuff. So now I have sublimated it all into baking. (illicit baking)
There has been a turn in the use of “other” from the existentialist what I am in a state of being for to some new sense of not-I as in all that is not-I is terror.
Productivity videos are my preferred procrastination aid.
There is no need to be gratuitous. And yet it is.
Christ brought down the Roman Empire through sheer passive aggression.
The easier the wars get to win the bigger the soldiers become.
A most wide ranging and bizarre rant. As noted for its esoteric references as for its emotional colour.
"Prove all things." - Paul "I'll prove you wrong." - Gödel
A humanist is someone who is prejudiced against humans.
You know he is mad because he was brandishing a graph. The sane brandish the word 'data'.
A thousand and three Big Mac Meals.
The ultimate plot twist is a Kantian “Copernican turn”. As in the Wicker Man or in the New Testament where the framing is reversed. The camera or subject twists not the plot or object.
So timid that they don’t quite dare to build a building whose only purpose is its own magnificence the contemporary architect is reduced to a shallow unconvincing brag of their own magnificence using only office desks and library shelves.
Language is a means to paint each other into corners.
How do I know if I'm in three dimensions or three I's in one dimension.
Observe a minutes silence for synaesthesia.
Unfortunately, following his short battle with a crucifix,...
Psalm x
Unoedipus
The anti-I field was discovered by Swilliam Swinecraft in 1887.
Universal healthcare care is impossible. The heat death of the Universe is a mathematical certainty.
She lost her battle with cancer. But she won the war.
Sexually repressed is a tautology. It is the repression that is arousing.
The Encyclopaedia of Contemporary Comic Modes Project
Reading St Augustine’s Confessions of a Sinner I was hoping for something more lurid than pear theft.
If symmetry is attractive then why aren’t we aroused by spheres? As gravity attracts matter in to that most symmetrical form.
“I’ve never met anyone who likes Nietzsche and isn’t unbearable.” - Woman in book shop. Pause.
We were chasing foxes all day but never found the hunt.
The Darwinian historical constraints famously present in the recurrent laryngeal nerve compared to economic dialectical historical contingencies such as...
Man as the ape frozen in the developmental stage so she develops too far.
All hail the bookers! Long live the planners and the joyless!
Anti-Terminator
Eat, shit, repeat, eat, shit, repeat, eat, shit, repeat, eat, shit, repeat, eat, shit, repeat. Ingredients, recipes, and *stories*. By Nigella Lawson.
The infinite readability stems from this explosivity of contradictions.
Popper's claim regarding the explosivity of contradictions read alongside Kierkegaards claim that Christ is the foundational contradiction.
The style opposing the content.
Homosexuality as pride itself.
Some memory as a fabricated staging of the weaning trauma.
The key element of 'kill two birds with one stone' is the pair of numbers one and two. The obscene trinity.
A busyness man.
Charles Darwin in a zoo. Some child saying 'I can't see him. Why isn't he making any noise?'
The zoo is one of the only places where children can get a close up view of disappointment.
My solution to the problem of how to feed five people with five thousand loaves of bread is to give them all to one of the people and he can pay two of the others to build a wall around him and defend it for ten loaves then pay another guy to make more bread. The fifth excluded.
I'm not so pretentious as to be modest.
Culture is that professional cult who tells you what your life is.
A mere non-explosive contradiction.
The explosiveness of the contradiction as exactly what makes it necessary. Not just that there are actually existing contradictions but that existence is predicated on contradiction. The exactly one necessarily existing contradiction.
Lewis Hamilton's commute.
neither moving nor curved curved but not moving moving but not curved curved and moving
Curvature and movement as an antinomy.
That which can be done by that which tells that which curves how to curve is done by that which curves on that which curves that which curves.
The crucifixion is the punchline to every sentence.
That which curves moves that which curves that which curves.
There is always one word missing from the dictionary.
That which can curve tells that which can move how to move. That which can move tells that which can curve how to curve. The dialectic of curvature and movement.
Ever proliferating negations.
They hold a self-evident truth to be a possibility.
Anatomy is destiny becomes destiny is anatomy.
Defensive jokes.
There has never been an actual instance of pornography. The more video footage proliferates the more elusive it is.
Offence occurs at the liminal space between dominance and weakness.
Love is an encounter with something more like you than you are.
Popping online for a shoulding session.
This stopped clock of yours; what if it’s stopped on 27 O’clock?
You do need to be mad to work here but it doesn’t help.
Lets face it if we extended the beautiful sunset over most of the time so the day and night were each brief moments everyone would start photographing them instead and being like “did you see the beautiful day!?” Hypocrites.
I’ve got a time machine in my own head but it can only send decisions backwards and memories forwards.
The highest and perfect error.
Holidays are the least Holy days.
The Not-I
"He created a universally applicable psychoanalytic theory of his own pathologies" - Jung on Freud. "He is no longer content with being a mere psychoanalyst and wishes to be a prophet." - Freud on Jung.
Selves help.
Non-locality as a time machine.
The empty sentence is about everything else. The library of Babel is infinitely smaller.
There is exactly one empty book.
Lightning never strikes the same place once.
So-called “Canadian”
On January 30, 1968 forces of the Viet Cong (VC) and North Vietnamese People's Army of Vietnam (PAVN) launched the Tet Offensive, one of the most significant escalations in the Vietnam conflict. Frederick Weyand, a US Army general in the Vietnam War said “I find that offensive”.
Pepper. The spice of food.
Yes we killed God and that was a mistake but it was democratic.
Suicide can be framed as a run from death. Therein lies the courage of Christ’s suicide. He uniquely faced the uncertainty of the mob and let them decide. He took the worst of both worlds. Pilate in giving them the choice birthed a whole epoch.
The me tells the I what to say. The I tells the me what to do.
Would quantum computers devalue BitCoin? Is there a quantum algorithm for proof of work mining? If so could there be a new quantum proof of work algorithm?
That which relates to that which that that relates to that in that way which that does relates to that which relates to that like that in that way that that does.
That which relates to Me subjectively.
Nothing is so irritating as being explained.
The new is when the process of perpetual renewal is disrupted.
There is such a thing as a critical reading but no such thing as a critical viewing.
Does mournfully regretting one’s capacity for evil increase or decrease that capacity? A question of some urgency.
Christianity is atheism for adults.
The Prime Minister is a chameleon whose skin naturally takes on the appearance of the uniform of any workplace he enters. It is one of Nature's marvels.
Imagine if you got a pair of shorts one short at a time and had to wait a month for the second dose walking round with just a strap of cloth round one leg. Makes you think.
If they introduce a passport to go to the pub it should be called a pissport.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Yes, but which is which?
It takes talent to express profound truths but bullshit takes genius.
Every demystification first appears mystical.
A materialist reading of Christ as the 'discoverer' of the crucifixion as a dialectical device.
Those pangs of abstract guilt occur when you commit some crime in a parallel universe.
My friend John’s reading of Deleuze’s reading of Nietzsche’s reading of Hegel isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Death as a promise of innocence.
Hereditary Piers
Britain is truly becoming Orwellian. Characterisations are flimsy placeholders for simplistic ideological straw men, the plotting is lazy and incongruous, and the whole thing seems designed to assuage midlife regret.
Let us give thanks that Jesus did not live under strict libel laws. For many of his remarks may have been actionable.
My guilty pleasure is guilt itself.
Britain is a category error.
Antisophy.
Always and everywhere say the opposite with your words as you say with your being.
The collision between manifest humour and latent unhumour.
The killer clown opposes the child as Satan opposes Christ.
We the adults watching IT are forced to extract our shadow from the child to retain its innocence. This shadow is projected onto the clown as the opposite of humour naturally represented by humour.
The animal that can make a hell out of heaven.
“Do you really think that?” “I said it. So one can only presume I think the opposite.”
Recommend a book just finished as revenge.
IT as the child’s shadow.
Electrification of the automobile is an aesthetic act.
Since the start of the pandemic there have been general and widespread improvements in both the mental and sexual health of journalists.
The entire New Testament as a bizarre but beautiful repeated mistranslation of some Hebrew idiom.
Weakness is the soil in which strong arguments grow.
I'm so arrogant that I'm worried people might think I think I'm worth more than nothing.
Christ was born refuted.
Free speech is a lot easier than free thought.
All the filth that has gushed out of Gutenberg’s monstrosity was leading up to the infinitext.
Satanuël
The “tension in the world psyche”.
shoulds
The manifest content of humour is anti power in proportion to how much the latent content enforces hierarchy.
Satire dialectically defends itself by having ironies cover the week points like lights on every shadow.
I met the average guy. He was mean.
Cars are socially constructed. They are made by more than one person.
An authentic sentence is an impossibility.
Living in the real view mirror.
I wish my boyfriend could fuck me as hard as he is fucking me psychologically.
Moses' highly anticipated second book Beyond Good; 10 More Commandments.
I love to join a good 'brigade'.
I wish my boyfriend could fuck me as hard as the old are fucking the young.
Technically dates are a type of data.
True power is necessarily incompetent. Otherwise it might only be there because it deserves to be there.
One symptom of the plague is losing your sense of proportion.
I like gammon and I am gammon so it’s win win.
A relationship is complete when there can be no new conversations but only repetition.
A capacity for cruelty becomes a capacity for mawkishness.
Man in an emergency confused by the phonetic ambiguity between “sorted” and “sort it!”
One dimensional chess.
Critique is impotent. But you’re impotent anyway so you may as well be critical and know your own situation.
This train is delayed due to the law of sufficient reason.
The possibility of satisfaction entails the possibility of frustration. Absolute satisfaction absolute disappointment.
Liking is a very particular form of appreciation. It is very distinct from, for instance, respect.
Laughter is the mark of evil because it is always being raised.
Part of the power of Watership Down is that we are the evil.
Immigration and fertility form a neat paradoxical nexus in the rightest imaginary. There are simultaneously too many and not enough people. Where there is contradiction there is the promise of synthesis.
Balance is painful to the ego because it requires self constraint. It is a form of self denial.
One means to be popular is to be unpopular with the unpopular.
Because listeners identify the characteristics of something as similar the speaker also makes a claim that they are identical. To refer to a large red car therefore implies that redness and largeness are correlated.
It is possible to be both a misogynist and a misandrist without being a misanthrope.
The cinematic and televisual refusal to move from a landscape to a portrait frame is a symbolic reaction against the manifest victory of the telephone.
You can hear if somebody is beautiful because there are ways of speaking that would be absurd otherwise.
The scientists always think they can define things. Why they couldn't even define a fly.
Analysis of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour is not prohibited. It is impossible.
To hold in contempt the mediocre is to hold in contempt the median and the majority which is explicitly misanthropic. But what fantastic and terrible things have been achieved by the mediocre!
Judith Butler provided opposing accounts of gender in Gender Trouble 1990) and Who’s Afraid of Gender (2024). You’re either with her or against them!
The infant is a symbol of freedom to the infantile.
The opposite of your enemy is your enemy. This is why simple rebellion fails.
"It is said that contradiction is unthinkable; but the fact is that in the pain of a living being it is even an actual existence." - Hegel, Science of Logic.
Good can be banal too.
The contemporary idiom is a means to take revenge on the dead.
Central park is a neat contradiction.
The social antagonism replaced with the material antagonism.
Anxiety is meta anxiety. It is anxiety about anxiety.
Reality is a nice idea but in truth fantasy is more pleasant.
A resentful Frankfurt school analysis of the monarchy which ultimately yields to a Hegelian notion of their psychic necessity.
When everything is humorous nothing is.
Machine code. Assembly language. High level abstract language. Natural language. Lingua ignota.
Power is decorated with arguments.
Politics is what happens when journalism goes wrong.
I sacrificed my principles in order to fail.
The epoch of the rectangle.
The dream of artificial intelligence is to raise the dead. It is a greater blasphemy than even Lazarus.
Does the fly caught between two panes of glass consider itself to be inside or outside.
There will be pornography. But it will be distributed so aggressively as to deny you any pleasure from it.
King Æthelberht’s conversion to Christianity seems like a great mystery because we cannot imagine the before. Why was it so persuasive.
When Richard Branson goes to Hell he will have to read his way through a library of books; one by every employee of Virgin trains, and all called Losing My Virginity.
Anyone caught speaking unfreely is to be be put on trial for Unfree Activities.
“Tell me Keanu, what is this ‘Matrix’ and why are they out to get you?” Morpheus is antisemitic conspiracy theorist. Dr Anderson is clinical psychiatrist. Reeves wins an Oscar.
Idea for film about Keanu Reeves’ Matrix delusions from perspective of clinical psychiatrist and directed by the Wachowski sisters in a realist style with method performances. Each manifest character is mirrored by a latent character in real life like in the Wizard of Oz.
What if the real mother understood Solomon's ploy and that if both mothers said 'then let the other have the child' the situation would not be resolved so she said split the child to let the other have it that the child might live.
Wittgenstein's claim to think about mathematical problems while masturbating in the trenches is not an ironical conjunction but rather a genuine logical connection. Orgasm as dialectic resolution and sublation.
One should always have enough alcohol in the house to kill a football team. Or get a rugby team nicely tipsy depending on your preferred measure.
Sliding down a large fun slide which slowly contracts. Panic as the plastic walls move inward and it becomes more steep. Now the body is enclosed and breathing is difficult. The last moments.
"He studied for a degree in humanities." "Ah good I have always thought the humanities are so much less interesting than the inhumanities."
I'm a self made schmuck.
More sentences have been written on this than I have.
Those who do not cry bear a more profound grief because they choose the double guilt of the question “why do I not cry?”
Power is that which you love. Or hate depending on your libidinal predilections.
Some arbitrary desirous commitment followed by decades of post hoc rationalisations.
I am one sample from the one I. I can use myself to reason about the one I is the true noumenal I. This is democratic superstition.
Those antinomies which demand a commitment to the one or the other.
Every noise and all text generated by the body is the aggressive putting of the self into another.
Destiny is anatomy.
Learning new things is so much easier than figuring out what you already know.
AAthiest.
Should and some are lovers.
Absorb all the categories.
An unfinished navel.
The proof of burden.
People agreeing with you is a warning sign.
I try to only speak on subjects I know nothing about.
What I most hate is learning.
Materialist in everything* *except anything I directly experience.
The burden of proof is pure prejudice.
I have completely removed hypocrisy from my speech. Now it only exists in my actions.
Lockdowns are like children. Once you've had one you have to have another to pretend to yourself that the first wasn't a mistake.
This is the space of manifest sentences. Every sentence here is mapped to another in the space of latent sentences.
“Adults in the room” c.f. Freud’s claim that a room signifies a womb.
One example of reification is taking a moronic image as evidence for the stupidity of the people it is presented to.
"Hoc est corpus meum" c.f. "you are what you eat."
"Hoc est corpus meum"
The manifest content of a trip to the supermarket.
If you weren't sexually repressed you wouldn't be sexual.
Quantum mechanics is the world telling a joke.
Manifest vs latent discourse.
I'm paid to rush to judgement.
Things have changed for good. For the worse.
Against the accusation that postmodern self reference is a simple trick giving the impression of depth where there is none like a pair of mirrors. Always against.
glib remarx
That which claims to be zero.
The ideas which bubble up to the surface contain negative hints about the lava that spat them out.
Suddenly, as if revealed in a dream, I understand why Camilla is more attractive than Diana.
Positive is idempotent. Negative is rhythmic.
"All my skin is a face."
The centre of the city a painted fiction. Move out and watch the face turn to body.
(lost in) "the antinomies of bourgeois thought"
"A catalogue of pompous commonplaces, A puppet-play that's full of empty phrases."
Don't be silly. Of course the most malicious communication of all is Christ himself.
The Devil treats others as he wishes to be treated.
"We are all in this together." - the Devil. Yeah, but you enjoy this sort of thing.
The mapping of every sentence to its negative.
Total domination also dominates the field of being dominated. At once the most dominating and most dominated.
Competition outcompeted the lack of competition but what will outcompete competition?
What more malicious communication than Paul's 'Prove all things'!
I always delay judgement until long before I have seen any evidence.
If “capital is to money what man is to ape” then what is to capital what man is to ape?
A higher form of capital.
The end of capitalism as a category error.
One superstition is the idea that by describing something you destroy it. As if some mystification were an inherent feature and to remove it would be to dissolve the totality.
Is the trinity a phallic symbol because of its religious centrality or is it central because it is a phallic symbol. Note also the paradoxical nature as in Penrose’s tribar and how circumcision cuts the three and breaks the paradox.
Romance by the ton.
Free speech is assured wherever speech poses no threat. That is, wherever there is nobody listening.
You can only hate the church when you know it won’t leave.
Free supermarkets.
The director with his film claims his innocence by saying "you see, I too hate history and am innocent." But does not his attempt to conceal raise suspicions?
"I think he might be sexually repressed." "Why? Is he good in bed or something?"
The misapplication of categories.
History is the endless struggle to create ever increasingly high grade bull shit.
There is nothing to desire but desire itself.
We know exactly what the world looks like. Except for any part of it you can see.
Schrödinger wave equation as noumena.
My cultural referents have been ironically appropriated twice now. The middle irony has a marginally different ontological status to the latter. It is less abstract.
The Enlightenment imposes a boundary on reason. It says to reason 'beyond this wall thou shall not pass'.
Actual grief is banal and boring in comparison to movie grief.
There is no terror, no matter how great, that cannot be erased by some movie.
Empathy is an excuse.
The film can excuse an atrocity by turning it into a tragedy.
“Follow the science” is said by winners and done by losers.
As narrative law necessitates disobedience so the absence of narrative law makes pleasure impossible because disobedience is impossible.
Those cultural artefacts which get selected from the social milieu are selected because they resolve some contradiction.
The iconic character who most perfectly embodies an idea is the contradictory one. The exactly one that appears to be the intersection between two exclusive sets.
The assumptions of the age.
Terrorists are jealous of the virus.
Science has reached such an incredible degree that we can now understand and measure exactly how viruses evade science.
Careful analysis and reasoned argument should exclude you from having an opinion. It's just not on.
To make 'he is completely free; he can do whatever she wants' impossible.
Homing from work.
"Reason, Science, and Humanism" c.f. "Reason, Science, and a Tin of Sweetcorn"
Everything is getting better. It's a catastrophe.
The flea on the lion is the true 'top of the food chain'. The real 'king of the jungle'.
We know we renounce it. We just don't know what it is.
Cinema and pornography, like Romeo and Juliet, must die together.
Nobody knows whether sex means two or six.
Mark Kermode is a pervert. Sitting in his dark little room staring at his sordid little films all day long.
It is seduced.
It thinks.
We hate the truth like a new born baby hates the light.
Maintaining an undersupply of housing as a key means to keep wages low. Homelessness likewise serves this function.
It is precisely the quantisation that is the mystification. The measurement the obfuscation.
“Non-bullshit Marxism” is Hegel without Hegel.
The petit-bourgeois ressentiment of education.
The more stringent the truth seeker the more guileful the liar.
Oh to be your cathexis.
No subject can speak in the concrete language of the Tractatus.
The evolution of Man occurred in reverse time.
Apropos “word salad”, salad is tasty and healthy. No, what I created was more a “word InSinkErator Evolution 200 S Food Waste Disposal Unit”.
The visible foot.
“To get up in the morning, in the fullness of youth, and open a book--now that's what I call vicious!” - Nietzsche. Yes I quite agree, but the fullness of youth is long past.
Cinema and pornography form a complement. Every film has a hole. A missing scene. Every porno cut from its frame.
Derrida gave Hamlet five stars.
The image as an opposite.
Sitting in a boat floating down to the bliss of the city. Now the city has passed upstream and we must row with all our might just to slow the receding of its lights.
Film moves slower than life.
The Bridge Over Troubled Water is a bridge for a ship at sea over a dangerous bit of sea made by another ship. That bridge shall sink. It is a mathematical certainty.
The ultimate narcissism is to shit out the I and to shit it out of the mouth.
Perhaps it is Pilate who the viewer identifies with.
When it is impossible for the mouth to say 'I'.
The I is a great towering cathedral. Built on a fault line.
Mental health, like money, can be counted.
The noumenal I. Pure obscenity.
We are officially at the orgy stage of the plague.
Non existence is the property of being unchanging.
"For the truest assertion of the being of being and of the not-being of not-being is when being partakes of the being of being, and not of the being of not-being... that is the perfection of not-being."
What is the difference between a video of Bell's inequality experiment and a Bell's inequality experiment.
Twelve commandments reimagined as six antinomies.
I am a four billion egg omelette.
Every pun is a pair.
The Eunuchorn
The Female Unique
all things bright and beautiful. all things bright but not beautiful. all things not bright but beautiful. all things not bright and not beautiful. God only made one of four. God made a quarter of all things.
metamodernism
Does that make employees job destroyers?
The point projection fanatics believe things look like what they look like.
The God projection would be an eye-everywhere projection. A completely inaccessible noumena. And the United Nations couldn't fit that on a flag so they went with the Flat Earth.
The United Nations chose to use the azimuthal equidistant Flat Earth projection because it represents the most vulgar possible God's eye view of the earth in the from above Psycho 'God Shot' aesthetic with North very much 'up'.
Please God tell me we are not at a point in History.
My health is mental.
Matter tells space how to curve. Space tells matter how to move. Matter is the curvature of space. Space tells space how to space.
The ratio of the price of life to the penny.
The one I theory.
There is no point being alive unless one day in the future you will renounce everything you have said up to that point.
Does every outburst hint at a pathological contradiction.
That which we talk about serves someone's interest or we wouldn't be talking about it.
Double hypermetaironies.
Ninety-Five Antitheses.
A fart is the involuntary shaking of the arse hole. A laugh is the hypervoluntary shaking of the mouth hole.
There is only one English word and it is 'no'.
An intellectual is someone who has had an idea misattributed to them.
How might Real money behave differently to Integer money?
The ratio between the price of life and the penny.
Equal categories hint at contradictions.
Russell Are you thinking about logic or your sins? Wittgenstein Both
The Book of Nots.
The azimuthal equidistant projection was invented by Abu Rayhan al-Biruni during the Islamic Golden Age.
The azimuthal equidistant projection of "Flat Earth" and "United Nations" fame is an aesthetic theory not a physical one.
I always delay judgement until before I start thinking.
The BMJ estimate that austerity killed 130 000. So one way to think of the pandemic is 25\% better than austerity.
"You can't say anything anymore." "Anything anymore."
“Asset prices are unnaturally high” supposes that nature is something other than what is the case.
Frozen change.
The name of everything is a description of its opposite.
I am the not-not-me.
The I is that which does not know itself.
Yes there are judges but why not misjudges.
The I cannot know what it believes.
The exactly One who falsely claimed to be the son of God.
Modernity as the fart of the World.
Oral sex before 11am might be referred to as cuntinental breakfast.
The consumption process is a mirror of the production process.
The antinomies of pure gender.
I'm running a marathon to raise awareness for the inevitability of death.
I laugh to hide the anger that reveals my opinions are not my own.
The division of labour in production is mirrored by a division of pleasure in consumption.
Manifestering.
Watch the cold calculation you perform when deciding to respond with a small cartoon of a man laughing hysterically and compare it to the apparently involuntary action of laughing hysterically. Does this reveal a unity or a disunity?
Popcorn is not coincidentally a loud food to eat. It introduces a psychic problem to the cinema which is genetic to the medium.
The cross in a snipers scope intentionally evokes a crucifix.
Betting markets with negative log loss based winnings.
The US Marines unofficial motto “Come on you sons of bitches. You wanna live forever?” Could be read as ambiguously referring either to choosing to die because we are all mortal anyway or gaining immortality through glory in battle.
The Devil is hard working. He "gives it one hundred percent".
Every conversation must be stopped by a joke.
The children constitute the opposite of the parents. They must carry their failures like a relay baton.
In the psychoanalysis of home ownership there is a sense that I might live forever simply by owning my home. This is because you cannot rent a coffin. It is your final resting place. It might be neater to carve it yourself from oak and take it with you to every rented apartment.
The modern university should properly be called the specificity.
There can be no greater blasphemy than Christ himself. It was as if the world the blasphemed.
The captive panda does not wish to bring a new creature into the cage. And we force them on against their will.
I am small. Like an acorn in a crack.
Never be logically consistent. It makes you look weak.
The golden rule turns every act into the passive aggressive remark “this is what I wanted you to do to me”.
Suddenly struck by the dialectical innovation of Kanye West referring to himself in the first person as you. Next surely is referring to you as I.
We all accept the basic ground of debate; that it is impossible to be a pagan.
Civilisation is like one of Mr Bean’s hilarious mistakes where every attempt to rectify it just makes the situation worse.
It is impossible to put the letters “ould” together in a sentence.
Fields don’t exist. They are an imaginary counterfactual. The fabric of fiction.
Popper’s critique of Marx that social science is impossible because the theories become part of what is theorised about is equally applicable to a science of consciousness.
Every time you laugh you must pay for it later.
In order for someone to have savings another must have debt. In order for there to be laughter there must also be tears.
A thing that is not free cannot believe anything since nothing about itself is contingent on itself.
This lump of flesh is marked by this statement set.
“Consensus is a necessary prerequisite for irony.” - Jameson. Then irony is a sufficient condition for consensus.
When we consume media we imagine some other idealised naive viewing subject.
The I is posited by the body.
In determinism the I is a category as arbitrary as the category of your arms and my legs. Does your arms and my legs believe they are free or not?
Confusion pumps.
Life is an attempt to define I.
The I imagines that it is not free.
The interregnum between two deaths.
The remark hated by all.
The irreducibly subjective.
You can only be against what you don’t understand.
You can’t be against what you don’t understand.
The maximally entertaining thing.
¡Achristianity!
The lines across my face are written in the Lingua Ignota.
England is a corpse and we are but maggots eating the rotting flesh.
What new nightmares lie in this list.
The most offensive thing it is possible to say is every sentence. Here we go... A.
Feynman’s famous remark that “if you think you understand quantum mechanics you don’t understand quantum mechanics” could have been made about Christianity.
After looking at the arguments I decided to be a determinist.
When considering a fart, one must think of the buttock like the skin of a drum.
I have very strong opinions. They can stand up to anything. Even the truth.
I hate stupid people. Especially when they are more intelligent than me.
The sentence to end all sentences.
The sentence machine has been updated.
"Money as capital is an aspect of money which goes beyond its simple character as money. It can be regarded as a higher realization; as it can be said that man is a developed ape." - Marx, Grundrisse, p 251.
What is the difference between Christian atheism and atheist Christianity? In one God killed Christ and in the other Christ killed God. But which is which?
We know we are against it but we don't know what it is.
Every truth has a naval from the error that birthed it.
The error upon which all other errors are founded.
A good leader is like a ship's figurehead. They lead you in any direction you want.
I only allow one contradiction in my speech; the I itself.
Projecting my shadow on to some politician has got me through many a dark night.
Love it or hate it but for God's sake don't read it!
The Cogito is the singular syllogism without a third term.
Love is the possibility for tragedy.
“Are you a Marxist?” “I don’t know enough about either myself or Marx to answer that question.”
If only I could find the Twitter thread that would make the whole thing unravel.
Christ is made for those that outlive him. We who should be dead.
While browsing the library of Babel I came across the book against me. Why I am wrong. Why I am immoral. Why I will fail. Would you read it!
“Money is not merely the object of greed but its fountainhead” Marx, Grundrisse cf The Fountainhead, and the Hymn to Money by Ayn Rand.
The I as a dialectical feedback loop.
Universities are no longer fulfilling their function of corrupting the young.
The sentences must coincide with mappings to meanings. But might those meanings be uncountable.
What is the difference in meaning between “I regret nothing” and “I don’t regret anything”. And to the direct translation with negative concordance “I don’t regret nothing”.
One element of the power set of all sentences is the set of all true sentences. The power set of the power set contains the set of all self consistent sets.
The set of all sentences has cardinality Aleph Null. Yet how many of them talk of higher infinities.
Freedom is an ocean. Sail on it too long and the only option is madness.
Inconsistency is the mark of power. Only the weak need be intellectually consistent.
The English are a bored and boring people. Dare I say we invented boredom!
I am not politics’ intended audience.
Marxism is to money what atheism is to God. And I’m not an atheist.
See the difference in price between soap with a picture of hands on the bottle and with a picture of a woman’s hair on it and see the religious significance of women’s hair.
Only America could produce a Steven Pinker who on the morrow of the Twentieth Century can speak of progress.
Is the Twentieth Century the most terrible nightmare or merely the only one we can remember.
The hands are the shadow of Hell. Ask for what crimes they were built and beg that they be bound.
The I is the war of I against I.
The library seemed so innocuous at first glance.
“Boredom is the root of all evil” - Kierkegaard.
Look at the teeth and see a beast of prey. What does the body do? Prints sentences in the sentence machine.
Elongated Musk.
You can judge the boredom of a nation by the quality of its entertainment.
Who could have foreseen the metaphysical gymnastics that would be deployed in selling soap specifically for use on a woman’s hair.
We are the survivors of the Four Billion Year War. And we have four billion years worth of survivor’s guilt.
A toy is a word for children’s lack of imagination.
Good Simpsons is impossible now. It is not a feature of the production team but of the epoch.
What is the difference between a can of Coke and a can of Coke?
Speaking with such force as to preclude applause.
Entertainment is the promise of entertainment. Actual entertainment is a contradiction.
The remark was excellent. It’s the mouth I dislike.
The burden of proof depends on your prior but the prior itself is subject to the same burden.
Mental health is the shallow end of the psyche. I dare you to venture into the immense depths of sorrow.
Rule breakers will therefore always advocate rules.
Rules are designed to help rule breakers because they give them a comparative advantage.
The trouble with freedom is you don’t know if it will be useful or harmful.
“A good company is one that can be inherited by an idiot nephew and still turn a profit.” - Warren Buffett. The same is true of countries.
“Do you want to experience life to the full?” - Television.
Those texts we must dismiss because to read them would shake us to destruction.
When in the inquisition they burned them on the cross was that supposed to make the crucifixion easier or harder?
Who has not secretly hoped to see the Earth destroyed in order to be proved right.
The anti-hypocrite thinks it is a form of lying to change your mind.
The aphoristic age.
Anti-hypocrites sometimes believe that understanding has the magical capacity to destroy what it understands. “How is a self-critical remark logically possible?” they ask.
It is important that children start reading. It is equally important they stop.
Travestised from the novel by Victor Hugo.
How dare you say that. It is a blatant truth!
I put all my money on shelves and the supermarket can come in and buy it with food. How much does that fiver cost? That costs 1 sandwich and a fizzy drink.
Charles Manson follows the Kantian Categorical Imperative.
Those thoughts that lead to teeth falling out.
The book that will ruin you.
No true Scotsman can jump.
We reject the very category of prophet and also deny that man is one. We deny the ontological possibility of sin and also that that act is such a thing.
The sour naïveté in the notion that religion could be apolitical.
Jesus is a flower. The conjunction of the sexes in one I.
The I is the space between good and evil. It is of size zero and fully occupied by Christ.
It is arrogant to say “I don’t know” because it implies you know enough to know you don’t know whereas if you really didn’t know you would think you did know and be emotionally wounded when challenged.
Given there are already enough films to fill a lifetime why do new films continue to be manufactured?
Cheggers can’t be boozers.
“You idiot.” “Thank you.”
The atheist climbs the ladder then throws it away for their children.
Let the Earth shake in terror.
The absolute idea made absolute thing in the world.
The pure manifestation of the will.
Awake Awake, sweet England.
The throne of the irresolvable has been taken.
The kissing of the Grand Inquisitor.
The one I theory. I as the symbol for or. The not and not not.
The lighting of the fire is the ontological split.
Exactly one true fiction.
The furthest extreme of atheism is the birth of Christ the Lord.
Faith and doubt in the One and the Dyad.
The splitting of the One.
Doubt as the thing itself.
The world has birthed doubt.
The most inappropriate thing to do on Christmas day is talk about Christ.
I asked for pain. If you do not deliver it I shall be aggrieved.
The West is the place without Christ in it. And we define ourselves by His absence.
In trying to run away from Christ one looks ahead and seeing you have made a wrong turn realise you are running towards Him.
Today is not a day for theology. It is arguably the least theological day.
Nothing so sexual as being demolished in argument.
Whose lawyers are more adept at hiding traps in 2000 pages?
Their favourite thing is to find contradictions in our speech. We might provide them through spite.
My problem is I have a lack of problems.
I don’t know where London is. I looked all over Piccadilly and Chelsea and Brixton and Barking and couldn’t find it anywhere.
Let us hope that China’s taking of the crown is swift and brutal.
“That is funny” describes me not that.
I don’t have the talent to fail catastrophically.
Properly skeptical about the word “sustainable”.
What I will never understand about the right is that they don’t hate each other.
The appearance of power is truly frightening. Because it signifies weakness. And weakness must prove itself.
“You are either stupid or lying.” “How dare you! I am both.”
Politics is a television program.
If you get run over by an electric car you go to heaven.
Global warming was the set up. Electric cars is the punchline.
“Why should we hire you?” “It is my aim to bring your organisation down. I can promise only to offer all my energies against. Against your interests. Against your power. Against the very idea of you.” “You’re hired. You have impressed us with your mastery of inversion.”
Supremely crystalline vulgarity.
In the beginning God gave us a loan.
I have nothing to offer but nothingness itself.
The total sentence set is procedurally generated.
The universal idea of uniqueness printing machine.
Democracy is a style of speech.
“You’re unhinged.” “Are you proud of being stuck in that doorway?”
“Not everything is about you.” “No but every thing that can be evoked in this conversation mediates our relation of which I am exactly one of two elements.”
The skill of a great leader is to be caused by a movement that makes the movement appear the effect caused by them.
Fascism is what happens when both classes point in the same direction.
What lies behind this failed revolution?
My illness is the illness of my epoch. The illness of my epoch is my illness.
That which the opposite opposes; that is the similar.
Those which are most opposite are most similar.
An entertaining cultural artefact lies in referring to an entertaining thing. The MacGuffin is the empty space where that entertainment sits.
I love my enemies so I perform hatred of them to give them what they want.
Joy at Christmas time is a fundamentally atheist or even antichristian response.
Not being the object is not the same being the subject.
We naively saw the state as aiming to help us while it was merely looking away. When it turns its eyes on us instead the terror is preceded by cognitive dissonance because we took it at its word.
As if all of Nietzsche's preaching of egoism was leading up to the horse incident. When the horse's despair crystallised all his thought in the reverse. If Jesus read Nietzsche he would kiss him as he kisses the grand inquisitor.
It is designed to create an emotional response. Your anger is proof that it is functioning properly.
'What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?' - Kierkegaard.
"You're making me angry." "Thank you."
Saying something is something as a means to claim it is not that thing.
Leave mental health to the well-adjusted.
"There are certain things in our nation and in the world to which I am proud to be maladjusted." - Martin Luther King.
One naively optimistic vision of electoral systems might be the dialectic between trying to do good and avoiding doing harm.
Politics happens around once every thousand years.
Countermodernity
My mind has a navel. The mark of its making.
What year do we celebrate 2000 years since the crucifixion? 2034 or something?
Bertrand Russel chose Socrates over Christ because of Jesus’ comical cursing of a fig tree which he considered cruel. I choose Christ because I consider his suicide to be more aggressive.
What I most hate about my enemies is their intellect.
The cultural logic of why a given cultural artefact constitutes the seat of the principal material antinomy.
Read the room. That you might better viciously attack them.
The I might be a false unification.
Coffin rental.
Irony is a means to equivocate and say nothing.
The Devil is more charismatic.
Trying not to be a hypocrite can be harmful to yourself and others.
The categorical imperative is a condition for evil as much as for good.
Al Pacino is one of the best at pretending to be someone else. But he doesn't fool me. I always know it's him.
One implication of the narcissism of small differences is that we might expect more class antagonism in more equal societies.
The dialectics of class plays out in culture through the material requirements of production and the symbolic requirements of consumption.
Critique without ressentiment.
It takes genius to continue to love what you cannot have.
I’m going to offer him a deal he must refuse.
Irony allows equivocation on traumatic subjects and therefore aids social relations.
The oral tradition is like a market. It produces things better than any individual could alone.
Laughing at someone is already to admit defeat because it knows that it cannot speak plainly.
The relationship between shame and pride are fully dialectical. Shame is ashamed of pride and pride is proud of shame.
There is no cruelty in growing old. What is cruel is having a memory.
Christ's genius was to be the first man who realised he was not a Christ.
All great projects end in failure. Only petty little ones end in success.
Looking at a human face is like listening to a language you understand. You cannot see it as it is anymore and can only parse its symbolic gestures.
The best philosophers are the ones who we can blame for our mistakes.
Actually existing straw men.
I do away with the useless part of the sentence and just say "I'm sorry but."
We shouldn't be worried... yet. That yet is worrying me.
The difference between humans and animals is that we know we are animals.
The irreducibly subjective element.
He tongued the other cheek.
The virgin brith was the first Brechtian look to camera.
Probability is the study of objective subjectivity.
The mentally healthy are the worst. I avoid them because they infect you with their corrosive allergy to the tragic.
Staging events so we can have our own Forest Gump movie.
Meta facts about irrationalities.
The space between Jahweh, Christ and Muhammed is representability. The unrepresentable, the impossible represented, the prohibited representation.
Might the set of all impossibilities be manipulated logically.
Who is the subject of Jean Paul Satrre's essay Antisemite and Jew? It is exactly Christ. The zero size impossible conjunction. The excluded middle.
“Everything happens for a reason.” “What if the reason is that God hates us?”
If Jesus returned to Earth today he would again come as an unwanted and unwelcome member of society. He would come as a virus.
Freedom is being able to buy either a ham sandwich or prawn mayonnaise.
Mental health is the name for a disease.
Jesus was Paul’s idea.
Negotiating is failing with style.
Consistent forms within the bull shit. Theories of bull shit forms.
The single common ancestor theory accuses the world of being inbred and forms a neat ontological status for incest. See Butler’s claims regarding the importance of incest to masculinity.
Every thing’s name is against itself.
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves” c.f. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son.”
Speak as I do and not as I say.
Sentence manufacturing is a mere pastime.
Never knowingly outpretentioused
The mountain of dialectical interplay between essence and appearance in 'you make me feel like a natural... woman.'
Once the sentence machine starts producing sentences against the sentence machine it cannot be stopped.
Above the absolute. Outside the universal.
The blues conjunction of major and minor is a great theoretical advance only possible by individuals with an ontological status outside. It might loosely be described as anti-Pythagorean.
The library of Babel contains my sentence set. I walk towards it one sentence at a time. But the book bears no relation to me.
Subject/surjective
My sentence set is one element in the countably infinite set of all sentence sets but my I is of a cardinality greater than aleph null and unique. My sentence set is therefore an infinitely small part of my I.
There are an infinite number of creatures who uttered the same sentence set as me but exactly one mapping of my sentence set to my I.
The ledger of every man's sentence set.
Universalism is one of the words Wittgenstein told us was a peg on which to hang intonations.
The dialectic of whiteness as essence and as appearance.
My bad faith engagement is order n + 1 to your mere nth order bad faith argument.
I see your universalism and raise you one meta-analysis of universalism.
My sentences live in the world of total text but my I doesn't.
There is exactly one tautology but infinite contradictions.
I promise to renege on this promise if it later suits my interest.
"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." - Kierkegaard.
The totalizing textualizer.
The absence of irony is the inappropriate in the Total Text.
Life is just long enough to get bored of miracles.
Rationalism is against a rational analysis of the irrational.
The gift of redemption is wrapped twice.
“Prove all things” - Paul. This is what we find most repulsive about Christianity. Paul contra Gödel.
If only everyone behaved like me we would all try to sit in the same chair and it would be a complete disaster.
Young man drove dangerously Middle aged safely New youth restores nature’s vengeance overtaking on wet leafy corner
The ratio of flu deaths this year to last year should provide a rough measure for the effectiveness of masks and confinement to reduce viral infection rates.
No sentence delivered without the libidinal energy unit of self reversal.
Our foundational error.
That liminal space between the early and late Wittgenstein is where we all live.
A child reacts to comedy in the way it is presented as being responded to.
One level of meta-language game play is to play as if the language was operating in an early Wittgenstein world. To play the game as if it was no game and maintain self consistency in the non-game sub-world.
My sentence set is a proper subset of my I.
I am not my sentence set.
Nothing so belligerent as the Truth.
I write my apologies ahead to save time.
The soil grasps at ankles young and old. Stand still for a moment and feel it start to drag you inside.
The trouble with an Australia-style deal is Australians aren't known for their style.
The farce was more tragic than the tragedy and the tragedy was more farcical than the farce.
"The greatest good to the greatest number" is ill-defined. The greatest good competes with the greatest number.
Remarks that leave a bad taste in the mouth that says them.
One brag is to claim to be the object and not the subject of politics.
Only ever take a position if everyone is against you.
Inverse utility functions.
Philip Pullman seems confused.
It wasn’t written to be liked.
Be yourself all you want but do as you are told.
“Should” is a word of which I am properly sceptical.
The Millwall fans were saying boo-urns.
Strictly Come Dancing is Fascist because the people overrule the judges.
“We need.” “You’re we.”
The Devil’s mouth is full of the word “we”.
Intelligence is artificial by definition.
Artificial I
Consciousness came down. The body came up. And the two kissed on Earth.
Ideologically we fell out Eden. Materially we rose up out of the brutal four billion year war of Nature.
Aggressively leaving set up lines hanging and unsubverted.
I’m a dedicated materialist. You know I’m dedicated because I don’t know what it means.
They love sport because, unlike in life, someone wins.
“It is no longer our reason that is against Christianity but our taste.” - Nietzsche. It is the tragic that we hate. The utter domination of the triumphant narrative mode.
That set of words which raise the temperature of the blood must be safely hidden in sacred texts. Where the mind’s hatred of thought keeps us out.
With weakness as my weapon.
In a football game you play football. We are in a language game.
Analysis can say only “no”. Modernity only wants “yes”.
The liminal generation caught between moronic parents and repulsive children.
The higher the purity the greater the underside.
Satire is not dead. It is the living dead.
"The secret desire to be tyrants is wrapped up in virtuous words!" - Nietzsche.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. And so are those who can.
The mouth criticises other mouths. But it is doing the body’s work.
If Fukuyama had been right nobody would know his name.
If the Christians simply refuse to believe the ridiculous things we ask them to believe then we shall have no choice but to believe them ourselves.
An insecure elite is a frightening portent.
Drama is the highest mystification.
+ God - God != zero God
We know why we hate each other but continue to perform a reasoned disagreement.
A given shot can be inscribed in a single sentence but a given sentence can generate infinite shots.
We all know modernity when we see it.
Female orphan as signifier for Anti-Oedipus.
History will judge us harshly for the style of our crying.
Guilt is a form of pleasure I partake in to excuse myself from thinking.
“Do as I do and not as I say.” “Ok well you said to do that so I won’t do that but will instead do what you say which is to not do that.” “Now can you see why we just said to do what we said? So instead do as I say and not as I do.” “But you do say that.”
When utility is a function of rank everything is zero sum.
The Devil and Jesus as splitting par excellence.
"The Devil is Jesus' shadow. He follows his every step."
The sort of ridiculous mood that takes Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade deeply seriously. Spielberg Contra Wagner.
Every culture claims to be the greatest at that which it most highly celebrates. And we most celebrate self hatred.
I let Christ in my soul like a vaccine. To build the defences against and finally to utterly remove him. The ultimate doubt is then whether that was his very purpose. To live that he may never live again.
... and read by the losers.
Ultraviolet Mass
Is Darth Vader supposed be an example of good or bad parenting?
Due to the possibility of her being a super-spreader Mary will be prevented from returning home to Nazareth.
This century is revenge of the nerds.
The evolutionary dialectic between the voice and the ear.
The body is a promise. “I will fail you.”
The dialectic of threats continues until one is made good.
Hypercrite
I don't love you enough to disobey you.
The idea generates commands.
"All animals are cats." "What about dogs." "I've had enough of your whataboutery."
The pessimism of Christianity is the claim that if a literally perfect being came to earth we would hate and kill him.
Popper's call to seek out contradictions and counter evidence is completely at odds with the contemporary call to 'believe in Science' and yet is it not orthodox opinion to accept Popper's call as the very definition of scientific enquiry.
The real is the space of all prohibitions. Outside that space can only be that which is not prohibited.
In what multidimensional space and individuals clustered according to our subjective prejudices?
The King Anti-King.
"Write what you want to read" is the opposite of "write what you want others to read".
We are all increasingly frightened of the imminent possibility of history.
What did I seek in those ideas? Did I want some refuge from responsibility?
Guilt is the passage from I to me.
War is coming. A universal truth in all ages.
Karl Popper claims that social science is impossible because the theories become part of the thing theorised about. Suppose self reference is a key feature of individual free will. Might the theory of itself form the basis for both individual and collective freedom?
The Red Terror, like every threat, serves a purpose when it is not fulfilled.
Can a single word be ungrammatical? 'Could' is a candidate.
Reasonable behaviour is a contradiction.
Democracy is a delusional denial of the tragic.
Mr Bean trying to fix the minor blemish he put on a masterpiece and finally utterly destroying it is a metaphor for doing good. Is that minor fault crucial to the whole?
Every word a minor hypocrisy.
It is not the content of sentences that is incendiary but the idiom.
Just promise me you will never be kind.
Democracy is only possible after politics is finished. Let us hope and pray that we never see that day.
Lies are merely irritating. Truths are catastrophic.
Hypocrisy is the master equilibrator. When the world birthed it the multitudes screamed in terror. The first word is here!
"Art holds up a mirror to society". As in it represents it accurately or everything is reversed? Might this symmetry imply a conservation? What features are reversed and which preserved?
Every naked body is already inscribed with the clothes it shall wear.
Under the narcissism of small differences the closest person to me is me so I hate me the most. I go to great lengths to distance myself from him.
I am the world expert on my prejudices.
Modernity sounds like it’s smiling.
The viciousness has just begun.
Would a single instance of an increasing rate of profit disprove the Marxian claim that the labour theory of value causes the falling rate of profit or might we identify subsystems that break the labour-value identity.
And to my three children I leave my guilt.
If something is forbidden it must be done. Since something has been done it must have been forbidden.
Ideals are those beliefs which serve the interests of the speaker championing them such that many do so and we hear of them often.
"Psychology without the psyche" - Jung on Freud.
If you are a determinist I don't need to justify why I believe in free will because you believe I believed in free will before I existed so it's not my fault.
Reasonable behaviour is a contradiction.
There is exactly one contradiction.
If it crawled out of my mouth then it praises my I.
Common People is about Jesus.
It is impossible to criticise anything. Because by putting the thing in your mouth you praise it.
True remarks are worth nothing. I want remarks that hurt.
Lucifer's mouth is full of truth Every tooth sharpened by reason The mix of pride and shame Made mayhem their master
The globe was capital's thesis and global warming is its antithesis. "All great things perish through themselves." - Nietzsche.
The specific is a challenge to every universal.
Negative Utopia
In the era of mass extreme pornography what is the meaning of the image of a penis in a comedy?
“You are so cynical.” “What have you got against dogs?”
People will do anything to sell some shit. Even what is right..
In the world of bad faith each persona maps to a binary side according to some mythological process.
"Violence arms itself with the inventions of Art and Science in order to contend against violence. Self-imposed restrictions, almost imperceptible and hardly worth mentioning, termed usages of International Law, accompany it without essentially impairing its power." - Clausewitz.
Anti-intellectualism is particularly prevalent amongst intellectuals.
Under the J K Rowling theory of gender the workers are masculine (small and numerous) and capital is feminine (large and rarefied).
The skin is a process.
Hegel is not for people who love reading but for masochists who hate it.
Westerns were effectively filmed during the time of the western expansion.
Baby boomers were destined to dominate every age in which they lived through sheer numbers.
Something split personality about being an immigrant or an emigrant depending on who’s asking. What I am depends on where you are. My identity is indexical.
The I is the not not. The not is the not I. The I I not nots!
All logical categories derived from the I not-I pair.
Hegelianism as just the ultimate fence sitting. Attempting to dialectically sublate every Schmidtian friend enemy binary.
¡Queeremos!
If incongruity and superiority can be unified in the protoword “ha ha” its repetition of exhalation is the promise of reduced anxiety.
The ultimate abstraction.
Most solutions don’t solve the problem but simply provide a name for it.
Castration anxiety appears to be solvable in two ways. By performing the castration or evading it. The former offers a certain finality that the latter can only temporarily provide. Both are illusory.
Read your enemies yes but don’t only read them.
Let us pray that Marx was right and the return to Fascism is merely farce.
It is illegal to say the value of a drug depends on its price.
Your ability to argue is correlated with your being in the group of people served by argument.
One possible criticism of Marx is that an actually existing thing cannot be contradictory. Only a description of the thing can be contradictory.
Definitions work in both directions.
I carry the marks of my making.
Suicide is the uniquely unnatural idea. And yet it forms a kind of omega point. Language gave birth to it and language is nature’s apex. Contradiction is not possible without words.
Alienation from nature as a masculine archetype.
The vigintisexesimal system.
I shared a platform with the sewer of humanity. The awesome stream of textual excrement, blasphemy, and vulgarity that flows from the babel of all sentences. Twenty six to the n phrases straight from Hell.
Christ as the ultimate blasphemy.
Hell is pure text.
Every true remark is a step toward the Cross.
I know they are vapid because they enhanced my mood.
We can not do “this”. We do not even know what “this” is.
Is it cold in here or is the sublimity of this art giving me piloerection?
The jump cut is the twentieth century’s central lie.
Without straw men how could we ever disagree?
The function of vulgarity in the comic is a claim. It is claim to a lack of sentimentality but in the final analysis is it not deluded?
Journalists can only talk about the journalisable.
Living on after art was finished. Like waiting in a cinema until the end of the credits.
The smile is a claim. The claim that good things congregate. A false claim.
If you're lucky you will live in an age without genius.
Ought is an is.
"There exists a mapping of every sentence to its truth value" is in the set of all sentences.
Bourgeois satire chose vulgarity as its motif in a claim to direct speech. So they were most angered at vulgarity being taken from them by Bourgeois politics.
The only thing that isn’t infinite is everything we can talk about.
Words serve the mouth more than the ear.
Argue all you want, but Enjoy!
What is a hedgehog? A thing which acts in the interest of hedgehogs.
What's the worst that could happen? Hell. By definition.
Sentences make up none of the world.
Can you imagine Napoleon smiling for a photo.
Although the set of all sentences is only countably infinite there could be mappings with larger infinities. A given sentence might have mappings to the reals.
If I am seeing it then the sentence must provide libidinal support. In what way can this sentence provide it.
Mediated sentence exchange in “systematically distorted communication.”
My basic theory about Making a Murderer is that having been wrongfully convicted and imprisoned for a murder he did not commit he thought, upon release, that he could serve justice by retroactively committing the murder by committing a new murder.
Permanent celebration.
Nigella’s “Cook. Eat. Repeat.” You missed out “Shit.”
The sentimental era.
I have only one use for you. To fill your head with reversals.
Quarantine is the unexamined life.
I can’t believe the science it has lied to me too many times.
I present the statement ironically because you would only be able to parse it as ironic if it was self evidently false. It therefore occupies the space of the liminal self evident which needs to be claimed as such through an ironic remark.
Don’t listen to what I say just look at my body it is clearer.
Mud is matter par excellence. The mythical inert hides an overabundance of life.
The dialogue of the oak and the rose. The flower undermines the tree’s bombastic march with its melancholic suicide.
The epoch of the smile.
What fraction of elections are won by the candidate that would win a literal fight. My guess is quite a high fraction.
Intelligence is a measure of the capacity for error. A dog’s bark was never wrong. A genius can steer humanity into calamity.
Sorry to piss on your bonfire. But I don’t have a fire hose.
We can no longer even imagine Christianity let alone deny it.
“We obey the laws of physics.” I know of no physical law which prohibits will.
I am healthy. The I is schizophrenic.
The middle class is the seat of reaction because the median citizen lies within it. This schizophrenic character puts it at war with itself and desperately in need of psychoanalytic splitting.
Might Marx’s claim that the labour theory of value causes the falling rate of profit be Popper falsifiable?
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Democracy.
It is Jung’s mysticism, in contrast to the cold empiricism of Freud, which makes him the reactionary psychoanalyst. The zeitgeist; the collective unconscious; the poetic, are the very material of reaction.
Americans celebrate sub 1 percent shifts in tax policy as if it’s the fall of the Berlin Wall.
Hatred accompanies agreement. Love difference.
The plague is no longer useful.
Cognitive coherence signifies a lack of thought.
Post to the n modernity.
Winners don’t brag. That’s why us losers identify with braggarts.
Drone strike fireworks display.
Gloating compassion.
We have a different signalling style.
I am therefore I am a hypocrite.
There are some poets who exist to keep poetry out of poems. As if Plato himself put them there.
Conversation moves quickly because domination loves variation.
The electric guitar, the sound of air superiority, chooses to sit beneath a singer crying peace.
In every jubilation the seed of some terror. In every loss the comfort and safety of security like cool water on a hot day.
An anti-war film is like an anti-war Howitzer.
Those whose power is served by the icons of the epoch. You see it in the smiles of their shame.
Those liminal categories that tickle our discomfort.
Beware the man who says “I am your hypocrisy”.
Shame is that deepest brag. The brag to the Absolute.
Control the symbolic meaning of the choice and control the decision.
Christ addressed his audience passive aggressively where Nietzsche addresses us aggressively. The passive aggressive shall inherit the Earth.
Reverse utility
My confusions are of a deeper complexity than yours!
The problem of life has exactly one solution.
The book of all inversions.
The Tarantulas are on the rampage.
As pure repulsive expression of will the nuclear attacks were as nothing to Christ's suicide.
The I is the problem.
Mental strength.
The I is the illness.
The set of every sentence is countably infinite. The set of all possible meanings is larger surely.
My irrationality is an axiom from which I reason.
Can there be an I that doesn’t think. Can there be a thinker that doesn’t I.
The phrase “I think” must therefore split into the two phrases “the I thinks” and “everything that thinks exists”.
There is no surer sign that two men point in the same direction than disagreement.
We are born into a very Eden of somatic bliss but choose the Hell of sentences through sheer resentiment.
The elder statesmen embody masculine libido laundered.
I claim to prefer to be dominated by a winner because if I had high social rank I would exert dominance over others using the same mechanism so the claim itself becomes an implicit threat.
My unconscious gives me little snippets of high mood as an incentive for taking popular positions.
Most who dispute the existence of free will are really disputing the existence of will alone.
The azimuthal equidistant projection of flat Earth model is one projection alongside the point projection of Man’s visual field. The rejection of the totality of equivalent representations in favour of the single apparent one is exactly commensurate with the denial of will.
The aesthetic of Science is a layer of mystification that denies that old claim of bourgeois science Nullius in verba. Does not Science now make exactly the reverse claim “believe in Science!”
It is as true to say chimps evolved from people as people evolved from chimps.
Facts show a petty and irrational hatred for your feelings.
“The sacred act of voting.” “For or against?”
The human is the hypocritical animal. Hypocrisy is our finest achievement.
"Liberal humanism now has all the mood-enhancing, meaning-conferring functions that Christianity had in the past." - John Gray.
True power never speaks its name. Explicit power is power on the wane.
If you were not a hypocrite you would be crucified. Since you have not been crucified you are a hypocrite.
The news cannot process the new; only repetition.
Your first words are an insult against nature. And then the digging begins.
The internet is the television’s shadow. The negative and repressed of culture that shames the persona.
The human is the finite animal.
The museum of every sentence is very large but it is difficult to know the best route round. It is now clear I took a wrong turn early and the whole visit has been a disaster.
My lifetime sentence set is finite therefore there are infinite people with the same lifetime sentence set. We who uttered this remark at this sentence number are merely a subset.
Are all false remarks the same?
Because I am disliked my support goes against someone so I support who I wish to fail.
I care nothing of good outcomes and bad outcomes. I care only that the outcome has my name on it.
We deserve death. The problem is that the plague is not up to the job.
Elections are a means to satisfy the lust for the expression of will while denying will.
Two things can be true at the same time. It can both be true that the virus is a major source of death which needs a large medical response and that the cultural-governmental response is damaging and disproportionate.
What does the virus want?
The hysteric spilling of tears with the cry “reason!”. This is contemporaneity.
When class resentment spills into icons class resentment is at its apogee.
What do you want of me? Death. Then take me.
The enigma of the virus. Like pure desire. It wills and that is its libidinal appeal.
Televisual narrative craves the abstract that resists photography.
Coronavirus is unimaginable without the television. It is a televisual phenomenon.
The individual hates freedom. We see this in MPs voting to not have a vote on key measures as much as hysterics begging to be locked in their houses.
A scientific analysis of the entertainment value of the plague.
What don’t women want?
My greed and my laziness are in a fight to the death.
You downplay the number one million by referring to it as 'one million' instead of 'a huge number'.
You can measure your own stupidity by the level of repulsion you experience when reading someone against your treasured ideas.
The liberal order wasn't killed. It committed suicide.
You say fake news I say Marxian false consciousness. I say Marxian false consciousness you say fake news. Lets call the whole thing ideology.
Pleasure is a price worth paying for guilt.
"You have been found innocent of guilt!" "Please Lord no!"
Money is a measure of 'it'.
I got off Twitter because it’s just not real life. Then I got off real life because it’s just not television. Then I descended into the bizarre and unrepresentative fantasy land of books.
Some genres lend themselves to metric ranks more than others.
Christ was nailed to the cross for virtue signalling.
Gigapounds
Rishi Sunak is a true National Treasurer.
“What comes out of a man’s mouth is merely his ideas. But his face is nature’s idea” - Schopenhauer.
Your lifetime complete sentence set is very small. Every utterance will fit on a memory stick from the year 2000. Compare that to the infinity of a single glance.
My jokes are so good that you laugh often weeks later when you have forgotten all about me and are watching another comedian and after that terrible bout of melancholy that followed seeing me live.
What does woman not want?
Nobody ever changes their mind. But they can grow to respect their enemies.
Power is heard and does not listen.
"Quo Vadis?" "To write my name on the hearts of billions."
Hell is a museum. A museum of every sentence you ever uttered.
Every human ill can be solved by technology. The technology of the rope.
The romance was destroyed by his not being called away to some war.
Hell has good public infrastructure.
Everything the television touches turns to history.
We're all descended from the resentful loser Cain.
If one person says it it’s genius. If two people say it it’s ideology.
Watching people who agree disagree is enlightening. Watching people who disagree disagree is entertaining.
The end of all unmediated pleasures.
The pursuit of happiness is impossible. The pursuit of the impossible is happiness.
"He was way ahead of his time." "Oh come on he wasn't that bad."
God is working on a cure for cancer to punish us with more meaningless existence.
Mental health is infantile protection from the tragic.
The first glimpse of mood alteration is a warning sign for manipulation.
Offence must always deal with the comprehensible. No new idea can be offensive because it can only be met with bewildered incomprehension.
Adam was too pathetic and compliant to disobey God. It was Eve who had the genius to grasp evil and create the world.
Don’t be fooled by the surface level feminism of Jurassic Park. The central thesis as manifest in its plot is that masculinity is the active force of will which disrupted the serenity and balance of Eden.
Scenes in dramatic art have their intended responses written on them. The stupid insist on acting these reactions out.
Sustainable immortality
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than doing things with a heavy heart.
The fir tree. So loyal as to stand by us through the harshest winter. And we repay it with decapitation.
The Democrats blame Russia for killing Christ.
The death rattle of the liberal order.
It is important to remember that it was Conservative policy to “defund the police” between 2010 and 2017.
The fire brigade have suffered a great deal from the contemporary idiomatic use of brigade to denote a group you disagree with.
The national debt is a cultural artefact. Its mythological significance is of greater consequence than its economic function.
Adverts tell the truth but the bits in between lie.
If it influences your mood it was probably designed to do so.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning.
In hell everything is perfect and there is nothing to disagree about.
Money is the idea. Power is the matter. And sex is the surface between the two.
“Everything is about sex, except sex, which is about power” - “Everything is about power, except power, which is about sex”
My sexuality consists in autoanxiety.
A crude framing of religious difference could be that the Christian God consists in contradiction manifested in the trinity and the Islamic God consists in the tautology of the One. An atheist might simply ask would the ultimate power have the power to contradict itself?
Extending Butler’s Freudian reading of the condensation of anxieties into anxiety around gender might we build a full metaphysics of sex around the total condensation of all anxieties. Under this reading the masculine can be the anxious and the feminine the dream of no anxiety.
The human makes a claim to the universal. The universal denies the human.
Humour is that which unifies superiority and incongruity.
Mystery in a narrative can represent a mystery over what the writer wants to say.
Culture is that part of the production process which tells you what you want to hear.
Opinions are cheap in the sense that your vote has no impact on the outcome of elections but they are expensive in the sense that your class will punish you socially for failing to mirror the majority opinion.
Taking joy in the shame of others or freudeschaden which is popularly referred to as cringe is a means to enforce power relations on those who transgress the rules of power hierarchy.
Certain freedoms generate certain unfreedoms.
Metasexual
One of the rudest things you can do is accurately describe social dynamics.
Shame due to a lack of power is signified by performed guilt at having power.
God failed on the cross and made the world a failure.
Historical ironies always outwit prediction.
Vanity wants love and prevents it too.
Mourning is the the death of the object of love. Melancholy is the death of the subject.
Religion reconciles sex and civilisation.
“He who writes for fools will always find a large public” - Schopenhauer.
Fifty Shades of Grey is offensively inexplicit.
Adverts are an honest lover; they tell me what they want from me. But the bits in between are much less straightforward.
It depends what the ends and the means are.
The Omega point of postmodern self reference is the classical chorus of Gogglebox responding to the postmodern horror Scream which already encapsulated its own response.
Money is a measure of 'it'.
I don't care if it helps my career to say this but I'm guilty of being innocent.
More blood has been shed over agreements than disagreements.
Every analogy in an argument is at heart about the Nazis.
I take a position first and then understand it later or hopefully never.
Mental health is taking pride in a lack of depth.
Stacking words in the wrong order.
The comic is the claim that the inverse of a nude woman is a male eye. Blank parody.
To fall awake. To wake down. To sleep up. To rise asleep.
"There are trillion dollar bills lying on the pavement just waiting to be picked up" - Dominic Cummings. We realise now he was talking about hyperinflation.
The unborn birth.
That should which most flatteringly relates my will to the master schema.
Guilty electricity.
“I am the only man who is exactly like every other man.”
Ha was the first word and so was the second.
It is humorous when the sentence is itself an example of what it describes. The autology is the source of all libidinal energy.
Three dimensional characters have an age, a sex, and a nationality.
Ethical Communist Investment Portfolio
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is bad advice in the bedroom.
My guilt is my brag.
Morality in the second degree.
The one who shouldn’t does and the one that doesn’t should.
The subject of my desire.
"Money doesn't grow on trees." "True, the supply of trees is limited."
I can't stand hypocrisy in other people.
Bail Outs for Turfed Outs due to Eat Out to Help Out.
Every aporia is an opportunity for an identity.
Beauty is more majestic when you affect a disdain for it.
If it doesn't lose you friends it's not worth saying.
Capital wills.
The racist community.
"I'm very sorry for your loss." "It was a lot worse for them."
minimal aporia
The minimal contradiction.
Every subject determines an equal and opposite object.
The subject lives in a world of objects to determine its subjecthood.
The past in Back To The Future is a metaphor for the past. Historical events stand in for your own pre-Oedipal impulses. Tying time paradoxes into a libidinal paradox that generates the will and the subject.
"You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way!" - Malone, The Untouchables (1987) "I don't know everything is decided by algorithms nowadays."
We must be able to manipulate the obscene in public according to a set of rules which define non-obscene ways of manipulating the obscene.
"zero is zero" has a different ideological mapping.
"The ideology of 2 + 2 = 4". The ideological content resides in the number of terms (three) and the equality of the two left hand terms. "2 + 2 - 4" would be an alternative by removing the equality and simply positing zero. This forms an abstract Gödel numbering of sentences.
The metaphorical content of balance in the UK government's "balance the books" and Star Wars' "bring balance to the force".
"This is great" "Wow that must be really shit if you both think I need correcting as to its shitness and more that you need me to think that." "Actually it really is shit you just pretended to think it was shit so that I would be pushed to admit it was shit when it is."
The cultural counterpart to the war on terror was New Atheism. Gender trouble is the cultural counterpart to...
In Heaven you put your rubbish in one thousand different types of bin. Then it all goes to Hell to be burnt.
In Hell there are no hypocrites.
Pleasure is Darwinian tautology flattering the will.
The I has no qualities.
‘The masculine “subject” is a fictive construction produced by the law that prohibits incest and forces an infinite displacement of a heterosexualising desire’ - Gender Trouble, Butler.
Do something irrelevant and do it badly to keep attention off the true fuck up.
Everything is either random or determined. Or random and determined or neither random nor determined.
“Fascism was a middle class movement.” “Oh that’s our fault too now!”
Everything is either contingent or necessary. Or necessary and contingent or neither contingent nor necessary.
The set of all contradictions.
Britain is at its best a pure negative. A certain military skepticism that simply renders in force the word No. At its worst a positive and specific statement. Like the world antithesis. A deep conservatism. The world anxiety. The country that saw itself in the mirror and wept.
One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman. But is one female? (Beauvoir + Butler)
The British are a nation of hypocrites. And I mean that as a compliment. What genius to accept the preacher of anti-hypocrisy as our Lord and immediately turn him inside out.
The only thing worse than a Republican is a Democrat.
Similarities and differences between generative adversarial networks and the dialectic.
The down side of nuclear power is it reduces carbon dioxide emissions too easily.
Progress is finding increasingly sophisticated ways to insult people.
To offend you must first be comprehensible.
Analyses which say “the analyser is repulsive” are rare.
Violence in sport is frowned upon because it gives the game away.
In hell you come face to face with your I.
Really low not to go low when you know the meta dialectic was low vs high and you chose the high meta symbol.
There has only been one atheist in a fox hole and he was Christ the Lord.
We cry out for a true aristocracy.
A certain kind of dignity is aggressively undignified.
It can be very hard to accept that, in a given instance, your self interest is coherent with morality.
Voting is the principle contemporary superstition. The Chinese anthropologist might help us to understand the significance of the ceremony.
True self interest would take account of the fact my vote effects the outcome of what people think of me but not at all the outcome of the election.
What is the marginal utility of my vote? I claim it is much more a function of what it says about my power to my acquaintances than its obvious failure to change the outcome of elections.
The past is merely the set of unchangeables.
"Either everything is determined or everything is random." Determined is a way of saying not known and random is a way of saying not understood.
"Could have done otherwise" is a meaningless definition of freedom because the past tense of can is a contradiction. We are free only if we can do what we can't do?
"If we could reverse the Universe could you have done otherwise". That's a pretty big if.
What is the third me-I?
"Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." posits the same thing from three perspectives. This contradiction is central to the will. Me (I) into me (I), me (I) commit me (I).
The God no God dialectic is the master dialectic which gives the collective thought through the individual arbitrarily taking a side.
Christ is a mirror of the paradox of I because he stands in as the material signifier for God the absolute idea in the world. This paradox mirrors the paradox of the I in all of us.
You will find elections wherever the median citizen serves and is served by the state. This forms an equilibrium that can only be disturbed by movement of the median.
At what point did the word democracy shift to mean elections.
Sneeze into your elbow and then shake hanks by touching elbows to make sure germs still spread even with the new gestures.
Does the wanker formerly known as Prince Harry even know what a structure is?
A dog doesn’t notice the camera. But that doesn’t count as good acting.
The downside is it is bad for others. The upside is it is bad for me too.
Over-identification with your opposite.
Nothing is so bad for morale as a call to increase morale. Oh god they fear a fall in morale. Things must be really shit.
In the future people will look back and find us barbaric. Yes, but we might also find them barbaric. Why does the future signify heaven?
Displaying shame as a brag as an expression of vengeance.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Order
That we were denied our culture is just one weakness of our vindictive parents.
Changing the name from Peking to Beijing was the first move in a great game of international passive aggression.
Can contradictions be symbolically represented and manipulated logically? Let us use A to represent the statement that one is not equal to one. Is this different to the statement, B, that something is both true and not true? Are both A and B a direct mapping to False?
Christ is the space between provability and completeness in Gödel's incompleteness theorem.
Miracles became unthinkable at precisely the moment they became technologically feasible. The immaculate conception is almost banal in the era of artificial insemination. The curability of disease an expectation. Raising the dead a nightmarish hope for artificial intelligence.
Christianity is hated in modernity because of its rationality. The pure expression of total rationality. This aesthetic of ethical and metaphysical unity is repulsive to the contemporary one. Overabundant and unbound rationality.
Who can really claim to be immune from the appeal to authority.
I will more will.
But where does the money come from? The budget identity tells us that spending plus interest is equivalent to taxation plus borrowing plus new money creation and also your mum.
Does the book Euclid’s Elements depend on the paper being flat?
The experts is my nickname for my bum cheeks.
Übermensch immunity.
"Be true to yourself." "Which one?"
I’m sorry I obeyed you.
The prime example is an opposite.
Overcompensation is a very common fault. That’s why I never compensate.
Suddenly remembered dobbing my friend in aged ten for not closing his eyes while praying.
Caring is a feeling.
Perhaps the first war between humans and robots will be over some arcane matter of theology.
Will artificial intelligence be religious.
You can only read the sentences made by sentence makers.
The downside of personal sacrifice is it is harmful to yourself. The upside is it is also harmful to others.
The distaste at the phrase “herd immunity“ is due to the Nietzschean connotations of “herd”. Which is disliked by the flock.
Christ is the contradiction that ignited the I. And the I itself is incendiary.
You put me in sentences using the word I don’t you
The I accusing itself.
There is exactly one married bachelor.
“I am an atheist” is a contradiction. The true atheist would say “me is an atheist” or more properly remain silent since every remark implies an I.
Is it possible to describe death without being superstitious.
“I made my mother. She was my idea. Before me she wasn’t a mother.”
Final thoughts.
I am an imposter. And that is a brag because I hold your world in contempt.
I think I thinks something I doesn't think.
What does it all meme.
The without without the without.
The world without I.
The I-less I.
Hell hath no fury.
My homework ate the dog.
I remember when I caught someone in a trap of belittling me and it gives me such pleasure to recount how painful it was signified as being to God.
When you make a lawyer your leader there is only one satisfying outcome. Him being eaten whole by an artificially reproduced Tyrannosaurus Rex off of an outside toilet after its flimsy walls have collapsed.
History’s ultimate zingers.
Having been enslaved at sea by pirates and taken to market Diogenes was asked his occupation. His response was “leader of men. If anyone wants a master they should buy me.”
Toilet paper as book mark in The Gospel According to Saint John.
The empty sentence.
If the coronavirus cases continue to double every week then this time next year there will be more coronavirus cases in the UK than there are people in the world.
The world was my idea.
The television, like all speakers, must talk about something.
I is opposition.
Reason allows you to convert truths to new forms but not create truths.
Love for the state expresses itself in hate of the government.
I claim that incest in pornography stands in for its inverse innocence. The oedipal as the pre-oedipal creates a paradoxical riddle for which the resolution is orgasm. The mythic humorous forms based on verbal puns are a further substitution.
If freedom means anything it means freedom to break the law.
If you liked the television you’ll love more television.
“You either believe in Science or you don’t” I thought science was above belief.
“I think I’m worse than I think I am.” What does this contradiction signify?
I just feel like they’re giving out mixed messages. On the one hand they’re giving out free desserts. On the other they have prickles for our soft skin. Do brambles want us to eat at their restaurant or not?
The rhythm of a joke. But the lack of a dialectical reversal of a tautology.
Christ is irrational. Two Christs looks like incompetence.
"Should we do what we shouldn't do? Yes" as a word. I'm counting spaces as letters now.
Christ as permanent revolution. The kernel of impossibility.
Speak of the world and kill the world and yourself.
The word is what puts us out of the world.
Give a dog the power of speech and kill the dog.
I, Tarantula!
New Change for the Future
If you vote for democracy we will respect the vote otherwise not.
Negotiating in good faith is a contradiction.
Hate is the Tarantula. And reason is the web it weaves.
How the listener dialectically relates to Kendrick Lamar’s “you hate me don’t you” is the definitive process of contemporary ideology. Yes or no? Further, do you not fantasise some other “you”.
Lexical innovation plus puritanism.
Manufacturing sentences.
Your word “Democracy”
‘... your word “Justice” ‘
I accuse others of laziness because it implies that I dislike laziness which in turn implies I think that is my main weakness instead of stupidity and lack of cash. This ruse fails.
In Hell your opinions are instantly reflected in reality.
In Hell the world is as it should be. An argument against should not for Hell.
“It’s a phrase about which I’m properly sceptical.”
The star's power in the world gives them power in the dream. Their power in the dream gives them power in the world.
The superiority theory of humour and the incongruity theory of humour might be unified by rendering superiority identical to incongruity.
Under De Beauvoir's metaphysics of sex do men also only become men? Under this schema the masculine is that which is born and the feminine is that which becomes.
The I is the exactly one thing it is possible to know.
Communism is the most extreme form of capitalism.
One cannot metaironically dialecticise oneself out of every shame.
There is a comic element to cemeteries.
Contrarianism serves certain psychological functions for the contrarian.
The negative is a bad thing in itself but it is the manure in which the finest fruits grow.
Humour my amateur metaphysics of sex and let us call the feminine the authentic and the masculine the inauthentic. Under this schema the phallous is the mask par excellence.
Pleasure is structured around guilt.
Create the conditions for generous over interpretation.
Based on my observations of chimpanzees I say laughter is a protolanguage. It is unclear to me if this is praise or criticism for laughter or language.
The last and the curious IV.
In how many ways and with how many meanings has Jenifer Aniston uttered the phrase oh my god?
What did the crow say to the hummingbird? “What are you a bee?”
A bookshop is a schizophrenic in its wild changing of the subject.
Success is putting yourself between someone else and what they want.
What are your pronouns? They're all male, baby.
There are good reasons to be unreasonable.
My heart says be hyper-rational for the sheer aesthetic appeal of reason but my head says be sentimental about sexual relations because love is the most powerful force in the world.
You never complain. Your life must be really shit.
Spitting opposites.
What's the difference between a contradiction and a paradox? Jedward.
BREAKING | Me
My heart says 'twumbumthwumbum' but my head says the quiet almost silence of blood moving around the anterior cerebral artery.
Balance is good. On the other hand it’s repulsive.
The unconscious cannot be irrational. Only consciousness is capable of that feat.
Can we meet in the middle and change things for the worse.
Yes it killed millions of people. But how many of your ideas have killed millions of people.
Do all neurones take binary positions like sentence sources here. Is all thought some emergent antagonism.
When you refer to the reader of your remark containing “you” do you refer to the typical reader of your remark or some other reference class such as all current “I”s.
Bodies share culture more than minds do. Cultural antagonism therefore is designed to emphasise the body.
I despise you because of your intellect. Now reason me out of that position.
Insuffragetteable
Life is exotic chemistry.
The television is a psychopath. One minute happy then sad then aggressive then apologetic then...
I'm so sorry that you got what you wanted.
A Conservative is someone who wins and continues to winge about being a loser.
Nothing so similar as opposites.
Incongruent adjectives.
The lust for destruction which first spoke through baby’s wails now moves to text and sets to work under the guise of logic and sympathy.
Hypocrisy is an important means to demonstrate power.
There's no business like show business. But is there any business that is like another business. Wouldn't they then just be the same business with the same name.
Moral consistency is minimally fascistic. Trust a hypocrite before an anti-hypocrite. In here, the world of text without bodies, hypocrisy is the greatest sin but text is filthier still; it is the excrement of thought.
It has been mathematically proven that six is the most arbitrary number.
All you can do here is say things.
Death is the only morally consistent position.
An equilibrium between happy and sad endings maintained by higher narrative payoffs for rare events.
There can be no music theory because music is a theory.
"I'm a proud northerner." "Oh really, I'm an ashamed southerner."
I have a genital fetish.
He who has dedicated his life to some task finds it very difficult, if not impossible, to finally accept that it was all worthwhile.
Is it possible to be a determinist and to speak.
The quack was quacked by a duck.
Existential commitments to chosen vs given categories can never be mythic.
Like minded people are usually like bodied.
The surface content of comedy may offer clues as to its ideological function. But it pivots about some libidinal centre twice removed.
The finest seasonal ideology served on a bed of bull shit.
The difference between sunflower oil and olive oil is Italians are good at bull shit.
It came out of the mouth. It speaks of the mouth.
It is imaginary. And so is its opposite.
Bred to justify ourselves.
Opened up about his lack of mental health problems.
Towards a theory of the significance of incest in pornography.
“Repulsive petit-bourgeois decadence!” “Don’t knock my hobbies.”
Haikus fall like leaves On to the vast sea of verse That is The Bible
I disrespectfully agree.
That Marx’ thesis was on Epicurean philosophy suddenly makes perfect sense.
The price mechanism is a thing of deep theoretical and theological beauty.
The supermarket advert claims their food is not as good as some Mediterranean market but it lies.
What more reactionary cultural artefact than petit-beorgois satire.
Paul did more to harm Christ than any Pilate.
Have you heard the terrible news that Christ has slain God on the Cross.
Already with the Apostles we see the beginning of reaction.
We knew about General Relativity before Einstein. He just had the temerity to say it out loud.
Genius is the revelation of unknown knowns.
Physical violence is the public admission of impotence.
Public examinations are constructed for the mass humiliation of the population. To call every one of them an idiotic specifically.
God gave you paradise. Then as a cruel joke put somebody else there to ruin it.
Language is smaller than us. And with artificial intelligence they attempt the reverse!
Everything is middle aged.
Atheism is the point between the Old and New Testaments.
“Systematic oversimplification” - Popper’s definition of science.
Proud of not committing evil acts when all that stopped him was a lack of capacity.
Unhinged thought. Like a door floating in a squall.
¡The master blasphemer!
The cruel irony of nailing the carpenter to the crudely fashioned wooden cross.
Each tip of the snake’s tongue speaks against the other. This Satanic dialectic of the intellect and reason stands against the brutal coherent unity of the Lord.
The unforked tongue of man; more venomous and deadly than any serpent.
What is sublimely beautiful about the rainbow is how the colours gracefully blend into each other creating one of nature’s harmonies. Then the children come along with their black lines and primary colours. Segragating light like proto-facist asthetes.
Zero tolerance for intolerance.
Accuracy is the ultimate rudeness.
We bleed text.
The mouth of the democratic man. Forever overflowing with the word "should". Like an angry young man proud of the motorbike that tomorrow will kill him.
A condensation of the UK Education Secretary, the changes made to exam grades in 2020, and the plague in the same year via the phrase 'tested positive for'.
When language approaches the sexual it has no choice but to be aggressive and vulgar. Like a tourist trampling on ancient ruins.
Right, so we're all agreed. The burden of proof lies with whoever is making the extraordinary claim. So that is settled. Silence. And it's you who is making the extraordinary claim.
The set of all coherent representations is the actual and inaccessible truth.
Flat earth theory is equivalent to an azimuthal equidistant projection and is simply a change in coordinate basis. Anti flat Earthers might also be called point projection supremacists. As heliocentrists might be called inertial frame supremacists.
Every epoch has its opposite.
First insert yourself into the schemata of power and then speak. Do so through double inversions.
A theoretician is someone who uses a computer as an electric heater.
The purpose of education is the reduce the number of educated people.
Marx claimed that Capitalism has saved us from rural idiocy. It is my life's work to prove him wrong.
We live in paradise because any we could only be possible in utopia. But we are exactly the singular stain in perfection. Its only flaw.
Libidinal infrastructure.
It is not enough to win. You must also make your slain enemies your oppressors.
In order to gain access to the court you must publicly renounce the court.
Capitalism is like a sword in the neck. Removing it will kill you.
You probably won’t get what you want. But you might be unlucky.
If you want to be fair then you must kill us both. Personally I would prefer an unfair outcome.
Praise me and be forgotten or insult me and live in eternity.
Nights in White Stain.
Anti-Tourettes
Christ + Antichrist
I’m a repulsive and immoral man who deserves to die. But such bragging is not relevant to my analysis.
Writing away from death.
Christ is a stain. The mark of the actual man on the ideal of the cross.
He says what he thinks. And he thinks what he’s told.
The Coronavirus is now the UK Official Opposition.
Christ’s behaviour was inappropriate.
Can a man live without his self serving world.
“Who is this uncircumcised Philistine?”
Last night I went to a bar and realised I had forgotten my mask. So I picked one up off the floor neatly ruining the point of the mask.
Whatever abstraction is most consistent with my aims.
In Hell you have to watch a slide show of every photo you have ever taken on your phone.
Look upon my guilt and toil in your own depths.
Contemporary text is aggressively anti-existential. It denies the reader his own reading. It is delivered already read. Like a sitcom with its chorus. A key.
Every quack on the beak of the dying duckling begins "we must..." Abandoned by mother and starving as punishment for its weakness.
As speech is a form of action so action is a form of speech. With its grammar and vocabulary.
The universal through the specific. The specific through the universal.
The landlord of landlords.
A free act would be incomprehensible.
One new pathological sentence injected into the “systematically distorted communication”.
With what fresh tragedy does our epoch lay pregnant?
My thought doesn’t serve me. It serves itself.
When somebody insults me I wonder why they respect me so much.
The further from the body and into text the more the body stands in the text.
Wearing a pose of cruelty because he is walking wounded.
If you are thinking something has gone wrong.
Action is a thing of the past. We are watching the last days of speech. The future is only text.
bullshism
Non-bull shit and bull non-shit
non-Marxist bullshit
If your opinions are not delusional phantasms you are a dangerous maniac.
Talent is being born inside the idiom of your epoch.
Cold rhymes with river.
Homosexuality is pride itself.
Guilt is the bragging of universality.
Lacking the talent to tell old stories so reduced to being original.
The vomit which precedes the revelation of a screen pregnancy serves to relate the moments and cast the viewer with the power to renew old scenes through rereading. Mary didn’t vomit.
There are only words here because words are the only thing that can be here. Don’t let that fool you into thinking there are words everywhere.
Imagine how awful it would be if television was good.
Tautology as a, contradiction as b, synthetic statements as c, and analytic statements as d.
Contradictory sentences as symbols in a meta-lingual grammar.
The moment the modern transitioned to the postmodern was when misery metamorphosed into depression.
In contemporary cultural debates the content of the debate is a staged surface level fantasy to structure, qua its opposite, the real material antagonisms.
The cruelest thing is to give them what they want.
The waitress enters leaving an empty door behind her. A second woman enters. It is her and electrical storms.
The child of Emperor’s New Clothes fame grew up to be a sociopath. Constantly pricking everyone’s supportive fantasies by aggressively stating what is clearly the case in direct contravention of norms of politeness.
Hysterically unfunny.
Orwell reveals his pathological drives in 1984 with his obscene claim to only be able to cum with the government watching.
My sentences are burnt offerings to be slaughtered at this digital altar.
We see this where different languages adopt opposite changes. We want to see in the language some admission of guilt.
We do not move from one word to another because the second word is an improvement. The change itself is the object of desire.
Religion is evolution’s means to resolve the conflict between consciousness and sex.
Speech is offensive if it has meaning.
The church is an attempt to lock the Bible in a zoo; that it can be safely viewed behind bars.
Christianity is the most brutal form of atheism. Only for those who can stare directly into the abyss and watch their retinas burn in the black light.
Master slave morality or be a slave to master morality.
There is a smaller fraction of animals in zoo than people in prison.
I hope that Twitter is permanently destroyed before some future alien archeologists restart the servers and set about its study.
Speech acts are the only form of action now.
Criticising another for criticising is a pure form.
If you hate being old so much then why don't you go back to your own youth?
Paradise sounds like Hell to me.
Nice theory. Shame about the facts.
When a child begins to learn about gravity does he suppose he can stop it altogether. This is how to think of your misery; it is simply an amusing object of study in and of itself.
We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall hide in a box.
Utopia is the freedom to be miserable.
The central claim of Orwell's 1984 is that you can only have good sex under an authoritarian regime.
Good comedy is where the comedian and audience are both bad.
It depends how much milk. If you run a dairy and a major spill leads to loss of livelihood, personal ruin, and alcoholism I say go ahead and cry.
Twitter isn't the real world. I'm going back to the television.
The zero impact of automation on employment and wages is consistent with the labour theory of value.
The central idea of cinema is reification. To take an abstraction and believe it is a thing in the world.
In the joke of history Judaism is the set up and Christianity the punchline.
The UK Conservative Party's austerity policy was essentially 'defund the police'.
"I'm the biggest hypocrite of two thousand fifteen" - Kendrick Lamar, 2015. If it's true it's false and if it's false it's true. Perhaps the most crystalline example of contradiction resolution through paradox since Christ.
What is the shark in Jaws? The universal abstraction of the problematic.
Culture that isn’t fought over isn’t culture.
Different material conditions engender different symbolic contradictions which must be resolved through the culture and myth. It is precisely these contradiction resolutions which constitute the problematic. Culture is problem. Problem is culture.
You can measure a town by its bookshops.
When a river meets the sea does it have a sense of inferiority?
If only men were like trees and stayed standing after death.
Materialism is a kind of metaphysical suicide. It is the will denying its own existence to itself.
There is a physiology of guilt.
The successful can understand the failed but the failed cannot comprehend the successful. What other conclusion could we draw from the films of David Lynch?
Mimicry is offensive because it claims that someone is reducible to their style. But what more would they want?
A coherent production and consumption is impossible.
The text in graphic novels is more considered because of the additional effort required per page. For good and bad!
Unhope!
The higher quality the book, in either production or content, the less it is read.
Culture appears as an opposite to the world. By making itself the only opposite it inverts and becomes the totality of the world.
Sylvester Stallone’s large muscled body shape in Cliffhanger (1993) is totally ill suited to rock climbing where weight is crucial.
Culture is like an apex predator. You need a million mice for every bear.
Every great intellectual success is precipitated by some terrible personal failure.
Unity is enforced through division.
Total libidinal disengagement!
When a state imposes a restriction on trade which harms the citizens of both respective nations it can be because the aims of one or both states are at odds with those of their citizens.
One implicit liberal claim might be that the feminine is more authentic than the masculine.
The feminine as the authentic. The masculine as the inauthentic.
"A storm is blowing from Paradise; it has got caught in his wings with such violence that the angel can no longer close them. The storm irresistibly propels him into the future to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows skyward." Benjamin on Progress.
"Now more than ever we need" is a common construction.
It is impossible for me to imagine any way to engage with my social situation other than via a binary check box every five years.
The virus is an event lacking a corresponding spectacle.
The terror of the virus is precisely the absence of an image. It is an empty space like the mask of Michael Myers on which to project your most awful nightmares. As death is the great absence.
We gave our masters the gift of crisis and they ran and hid.
Twitter is an unrepresentative sample of the population. People that work in television, however, are the population.
Popularity is a measure of how misunderstood you are.
To believe something you don't understand is natural. To believe something you do understand is unforgivable.
Christ is the one and only way to kill God.
The surest way to anger a man is to address him as an adult.
Give me a word other than human to speak of men and women and I will use it. But that word is distastefully scientific.
Look not for how Man makes history but for how history makes Man.
Only ideas can be contradictions. There can be no material contradictions.
"Free speech is assured by the innocuous character which it acquires as a result of the stability of government." - Hegel.
The Cross, as the icon of death, posits life as its leading to death.
Christ, as the definition of Man, like all definitions, has three elements. The set of all specific examples. An abstraction of all the specific examples. An abstraction of the excluded examples.
Why are there so few right wing Marxists?
The central question the government will be asking is how does maintaining the quarantine aid or hinder their Brexit and electoral manoeuvring. A law and order culture war is likewise useful to them.
"You have two choices with your kids. You can either raise them Catholic or Jewish... or they might turn out religious."
I’m the sound of my backwards.
wages = currency/time. prices of commodity set = currency. inflation = 1/time. What dimensionless entity can be created from these to provide a means to create 'natural' units for the falling rate of profit. (wages * inflation)/ prices of commodity set?
Economic dimensional analysis.
Yeah sex is great but have you ever realised that sex is a myth?
"The fancy law schools teach you to argue persuasively. The bad ones teach you to argue well."
Yeah sex is great but have you ever transcended the linguistic analytic of incommensurable definitions of human biological, reproductive, and social classifications to attain the aufheben of a nuanced conception of biology, secondary sexual characteristics, sexuality, and gender?
You know you fucked up when they erect a statue in your honour.
A video camera on every police officer.
Statues are about as educational as GCSE bitesize.
Antiantiantifa
The Proverbs weigh around your neck like a dead lion.
Guilty about the pride. Proud of the guilt.
If I had any advice for the young it would be don't try to chop your onions after putting them in the frying pan. I don't mean this metaphorically.
Launching a rocket now feels somewhat crass.
The tragedy of success is it encourages the individual to spend too long on some whim.
Science is the cultural artefact which claims to not be a cultural artefact.
Ultimate aims entail ultimate failures.
We must learn to live in the World's winter.
The psychopath seeks high places. The image of earth is the psychopathy of contemporaneity.
"My page is filthy but my life is clean" - Juvenal.
Elderly astronauts are paternal impotence written on the sky.
The tragedy of Hegel's culmination of history is that at the peak there is only one way to go. Down.
The rocket is the symbol of eternal ascent. The culmination of the Manifest Destiny. America's tragedy is it is condemned to repeat it forever first as dramatic theatre and finally as parody.
A healthy individual can admit a mistake but a people can never do this.
The comic is an attempt to avoid a commitment. It thrives in times of agreement and withers in times of antagonism.
It is possible to not contradict yourself so long as you only say one thing. Is even that possible.
The body is God’s pun for the mind.
The computer screen is the pane of glass at a prison visit.
Happiness is a pair of shut eyes.
The tragedy is not that the body ages but that the mind does not.
The great comforting myth of argument is that one of the parties has the answer.
They said that an infinite number of chimpanzees with an infinite number of typewrites would produce Hamlet but Twitter has proved that wrong.
The two thousand and eight financial crash hasn't happened yet. It was the epicentre of a tsunami we are watching approach.
You are in a conspiracy with the keyboard and screen. The libidinal rectangle projects your private pornographies and public keystrokes with a cold and indifferent equality.
Art is the seat of opposites. To wander in to that dark forest is to turn the mind against itself.
There is only one true danger and that is the intellect.
Each symbolic output segregated. The text here. The travesty of the image there. Touch forever buried.
The uses of the word law in physics and politics are so wildly different as to be almost opposites.
Intense production is followed by intense guilt. It is the recession of the libidinal economy.
Do. Do not. I.
The id is the thesis. The superego is the anti-thesis. The ego is the aufhebung.
The id wants negative freedom. The superego wants positive freedom. The ego is the jury.
The inward breath a cry for help the outward a scream of aggression.
Why no speech sounds during the inward breath?
Is there anything of which we can speak?
I means that which wills. If you don't believe in will you can say only nothing.
The sound of speech flows forwards. The text backwards. Like waves against the tide.
The best you can hope for is to run from thought unto death. If it catches you play dead and pray.
The id understands the true function of speech; aggressive sound production. The super-ego cuts it into words which serve an opposite function in an ironical mirror world.
This is the era of text; and it is infinitely more dangerous than the era of sound. One has no choice but to parse the words.
Production is followed by intense guilt. It is the recession of the libido.
The id wants to speak truth. The superego wants to prevent speaking untruth. The ego is the Socratic dialogue.
The id wants positive freedom. The superego wants negative freedom. The ego is the jury.
We hate Dominic Cummings because he pricked our fantasy.
"If you can't measure it you can't manage it." This is true but can be an argument against managing as much as for measuring.
Truth seeking is one possible aim for thought.
As running was a human capacity that was easily outstripped by the technology of the horse, so intelligence might be significantly easier to overcome than will.
I would be more worried about a leader who didn't hold me in contempt.
The relative importance of positive and negative freedom to the individual are a function of individual power. The weak prefer positive freedom, the strong prefer negative freedom. This is because strength is itself a form of positive freedom.
The genitals are a libidinal interface. Between inside and outside. Subject and object. The interface is the seat of the obscene.
The dialectic of projection in social hatred. Do I hate you? Do you hate me? Do you think I hate you? Do you think I think you hate me.
Beware the purely rational man. He shall become pure beast at the first sign of trauma.
Like all symptomatic reliefs for despair evolutionary behaviour's collapse is traumatic.
Evolutionary behaviour supplies a narrative relation between the I's reason and drives. It lets the subject dissolve himself in a tautology. It turns the will into an is.
Ideology is a narrative form.
Narratives relate the I to the me.
Their representations signify the material form of a symbolic act.
Medical images of the inside of the body are not pornographic. The genitals represent a libidinal interface between the inside and the outside, the private and the public, the subject and the object...
Nothing provokes speech like hypocrisy.
There are worse things than being treated like an object. Cruelty needs a subject. No object has been hated as subjects are. As if subjects are beneath objects.
Self interest always wears the cloak of 'should'.
The opinion cries out to be anything other than a statement of self interest.
The number of cancer causing chemicals is completely irrelevant. I would choose 4363 carcinogens over one bullet to the head.
The material conditions for the last man.
The material conditions for liberal democracy.
The material conditions for idealism. The ideal conditions for materialism.
The material conditions for a turn from the material.
The material conditions for a cultural turn.
The material conditions for polarisation.
Every demystification unravels a new mystification.
A petit anti-hypocrisy is the essential feature of democracies.
Is it possible to take Hegel's claims and turn them into binary categories which take a computation as an input and return an Ego value? Or even using input-output tests.
The Ego is Turing complete. But the Turing machine is not Ego complete.
The Ego cannot be paused.
"But remember when I moved in you. And the holy dove was moving too. And every breath we drew was hallelujah"
Power corrupts. But not so much as impotence.
Reality, said Lenin, is slyer than any theory.
Any sufficiently advanced strategy is indistinguishable from incompetence.
I would break the law to fuck a married polyamorous woman but not just to look after my kid.
Spitting into the abyss.
Christ is an asymptote. The only atheist in a foxhole. Who looked at oblivion and saw no God.
We speak to each other as if we spoke to the world where in truth we are co-conspirators in a lawless realm.
Christ was a loan from God and we are still paying the interest.
Heavy use of the word should today.
It is the total rationality of Christianity that we hate.
An imminent critique of the grammar designed to melt away the superstructure.
A comparison between the modifying effect of the word free in 'free will' compared to 'free markets'. In 'free X' is the X free from external post hoc constraints or internal prior constraints.
The moment in Indiana Jones where he attempts to 'exchange' the valuable object with another item of similar weight is a parody of economic exchange and the concept of commodity.
The culture war is a gas that fills whatever mental space needs clogging with confusion.
The mass despise hypocrisy because antihypocrisy is the song of the weak.
Late capitalism is the beginning stage of capitalism. It is not even the end of the beginning.
Crisis is to capitalism what orgasm is to sexuality. A necessary reset to the falling rate of profit. One has many petite morts before the last true death.
Twitter is schizophrenic because every sentence has a different I.
A man without grief is a singer gagged.
Grief is the breakfast of Gods.
It is the creative man who we hate with especial bitterness.
The meek shall inherit the earth... because their masked and brooding resentments shall finally cut you down.
Politics is both the seat of incommensurable goods and the battlefield of factional interest. Each faction chooses a good as its mascot. In this sense the Marxian superstructure is a mirror world.
Either you believe I have power over you in which case get on your knees and bow. Or you dare to question me and I say 'welcome and let us hate and despise each other as friends and lovers'.
Everyone is born in the wrong body.
If you can't say anything stupid you cant say anything at all.
I is a region of the real number line.
The only thing that exists is the real number line.
The I unifies the metric space into the continuous.
Reality is a subset of the [0,1] interval.
The I is a representation.
The I is an image.
Tyrannysexual Rex
The political axis is equivalent to your inner conflict between love of money and hatred of work.
If it's ok to not be ok then it is impossible to not be ok because its ok.
It's ok to not be ok. It's ok not to be ok. It's ok to be not ok. It's not ok to be ok.
When the parody is bigger than the parodied eventually irony runs out of raw material.
Most apologies are accusations that an apology is sought.
In the final analysis the best use of the intellect is to insult people.
It is immoral to make life decisions ethically.
The American idiom detests clauses. It demands sentences stand alone. This precludes the deconstruction of the I.
Anger is domesticated aggression.
The aesthetic appeal of the incendiary.
Beware me I'm weak and therefore extremely dangerous.
The injured bear is the most dangerous.
Marx was Apollonian. Nietzsche was Dionysian.
Predicting a war is like predicting death. Sooner or later the bet will pay off.
The opinions must take a form in relation to the behaviours which make a claim of consistency between the behaviours. The I must pretend to be consistent. The I therefore posits an opposite to its behaviours.
Acts, opinions, and sex. Sex forms a mirror of both; opposite acts and opposite opinions.
For every act of love you owe a debt of hate.
Love is the part of the iceberg the ocean shows you.
A world without hate is a world without love.
Unlike a 'neurone' in an artificial neural network, which once trained doesn't change, an actual biological neurone could conceivably remember previous inputs and outputs.
Add as many letters as you want to the empty page to create literary art.
The week's aggression condensed into seventeen statements.
Cruel words from the cruel night when Friday turns.
No Turing machine can pass the Turing test.
As Dyson claimed there is only one electron we might claim there is only one I.
The genome would be superficial in this scheme.
As someone who has experienced something personally I can say that it hasn’t given me any especial insight.
If you'd told me in 1997 that all the rappers in the future would be Christians I'd have been mildly surprised.
Everything is more important than ever now.
What most pleases the ego is material strength and symbolic weakness.
The true or the good. You cannot pursue both.
There is exactly one heaven but an infinity of hells.
That monks are happy is an argument against happiness.
To understand yourself is to destroy yourself.
How are we to manipulate contradictions!
What is the meaning of the smile?
The Talented Mr Ripley is the paradigmatic example of dialectically resolving class ressentiment in an audience.
Hypocrisy is the only way out of evil.
Often the intelligent thing to do is say something stupid.
Seige the day!
Sex would necessarily fail without the possibility of failure.
Opinions present themselves as a last resort like a buoy to a drowning man.
The real terrorists are the horror movie directors.
Yes the meek inherit the Earth. But they need to wait for the aggressive to die by which time they are dead anyway.
I've written an excellent messay.
Absolute zero is 0K I guess.
My pet hate is Jazz. Pedantic son of a bitch. Dachshund. My pet hat is Pork Pie. And I resent that he looks good in it. "You don't need to capitalise types of hat" sneers Jazz.
You’re mistaking your cowardice for oppression.
What do you do? I'm an actuary. Yes, but what do you actuary do?
Satire is centrism in its purest form.
Is there anything so timid as an anonymous academic.
Step one quarter of an inch from the profound and into the ridiculous.
Everyone is deluded. The problem is when your delusions are different to other people’s.
Is it possible that genes don't fully describe how to make an organism just which type to make. I can send a message to someone asking them to bake a Victoria sponge without sending a recipe so long as they already have the recipe. Sex could just be to choose a given cake.
Piloerection, where your hairs stand on end, in reaction to aesthetic experience is to see the danger and threat of the artist. Like a strange animal in your midst.
The language is stained by the acts of its speakers.
I have a perfect work-life balance; they’re both shit.
Don’t read Proverbs before bed. You’ll wake up feeling guilty.
The only idea I had today was smuggling cocaine in colostomy bags.
Gender is a construct, but then again so is the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor; a single-seat, twin-engine, all-weather stealth tactical fighter aircraft developed for the United States Air Force.
I've been thinking about "milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate's made" and have essentially decided it is completely profound.
The Ding an sich is the obscene.
The genitals are the ultimate horizon of contact between the symbolic and the material. They are the only things which are representations of themselves.
The sharpest tool in the box is still a tool.
The universe is tiny. There aren't even as many galaxies in the universe as there are cells in a rabbit.
Alone in a cold harsh universe is paradise. Three people in your living room is what makes you feel insignificant.
To ponder your smallness in an infinite universe is comforting. To ponder your infinite significance in your personal mythology is traumatic.
A meta-analysis of meta-analyses.
Wisdom and intelligence are warring brothers.
The grand theory of everything is like the I. The closer you get the more it dissipates into parts. The trauma of the impossibility of totality. The paradox of the absolute.
God is not schizophrenic. He can and does use the word I falsely. He is a liar!
Cognitive closure. The possibility of totality. Is as lethal as it is alluring.
The libidinal aesthetic of opinions determines their appeal to a given psyche. How they relate the psyche to the world. What mythical character their position contains.
The guilt of indulging in guilt self-indulgently.
Opinions are like arseholes; they serve a vital role in all round health and should be kept clean at all times.
Let us lie for posterity about what we are.
Every epoch imagines the prudishness of the previous.
The word sexuality claims the ultimate horizon of libido is sex (sex from secare meaning divide or separate not from sex or six). Orgasm which denies binary is implied as an impossibility. Morethanzeroality.
So much emotional investment in whether you are guilty or unguilty it becomes impossible to justly decide your own state in presentation of yourself.
An academic degree is a paper mother.
A schizophrenic pop singer who can't say I and only refers to themselves in the third person.
The lover is the sole ding-an-sich; the only true commodity without fetish character.
"The darkening of the world makes the irrationality of art rational. A radically darkened art." Adorno, Aesthetic theory.
The implied message is "It's not ok to feel ok."
All consciousness is false.
Skills are the easiest thing for artificial intelligence to mimic. Unskills are the hardest.
Is security theatre designed to makes us feel safe or frighten us. do they even know what they are trying to do.
Beethoven's fifth is the sound of misogyny.
The best producer is the idealised consumer.
Without sin, guilt, and shame there is no orgasm.
God is a hole in the existant. The one necessarily absent thing.
You can tell how similar people are by how much they hate each other.
The rightleft.
The first thing a weak mind seeks in analysis is confirmation that he is not disgusting. And a pervert the reverse. I write with experience of both.
In the rainbow the colours are segregated. There is an apartheid of colours. Only in white, greys, and black are they unified.
The ideal is to be individually powerful and in groups that don't have power. This maximises the ego.
Has anyone considered thinking inside the box?
Why this genre produced by this social group.
If I have power over you then get on your knees and bow.
Never believe self-description. It gives them too much power.
Communism is a type of Capitalism.
The recording and broadcasting apparatus is central to the libidinal function.
Too scared to directly attack someone so describe some activity people in general do that the present person does. This is weak.
You can't irritate all the people all the time because all irritation is the perception of those you hate being disirritated.
The symbol of death metal is the upside down crucifix but that is already a violent symbol so do they mean to invert that aspect. Is Christ worse off or better off?
The thing-in-itself must provide a metric of distance to itself. As there has never been a square so squares do not exist we need a metric of distance from square that correlates with subjective experience. A circle is less square than a rectangle but more square than the Pope.
The most extreme atheism is closest to the most extreme religiosity. They exist at the boundary of the two.
The only thing worse than what you hate is you.
Tonight there is no news.
It is a little too much of a coincidence that there is always something happening.
Both Capitalism and Communism depend on productive labour. When that is abolished neither can exist.
In the crucifixion your mother watches the death of God at your hands.
Jesus is revolution. And God must be periodically slaughtered anew.
Lucifer was a scapegoat. Satan resides in heaven.
A chill wind blows through tonight's midnight speech acts.
Tomorrow's words from the witching hour currently stewing in salt. Every Friday at midnight British time.
Imagine if a Royal said something interesting.
If there is no God then nothing is permitted.
Keynes said, “Anything we can actually do we can afford.” And “once done, it is there.”
One common response to making a mistake is to go too far in the other direction when found out.
The precivilised scene is a site of pure projection.
Discarded plastic gloves dancing in the street.
The desire to be immune from trauma is what makes you vulnerable to it.
The phantasm Public requires a phantasmatical binary composition.
Thoughts or prayers.
The Science shalt not fuck a married woman.
Homelessness serves a critical disciplinary function. Frightened workers are obedient.
Everything is true in some worlds.
Unskilled labour is the hardest to replace with artificial intelligence.
Capitalism and Communism are lovers. They will die together.
The wrong opposite.
Holidays are the least holy days.
There is only one way to brag and that is showing scars.
"Coronavirus" - the everyman. "COVID-19" - the elite. "Plague" - the populists. "Pestilence" - correct.
Vaginal-anal genital contact is a rare sexual preference.
You can remember the first time you cried in pain and had no reply. You were you crying to? Eloi Eloi Lama Sabachthani!
Physical/mental/Platonic. You/I/God. Vagina/Penis/Anus.
The you-I dyad. The you-I-God triad. The world is the triad.
In five years I plan to have significantly reinforced my defence mechanisms.
Joy is a clockwise turn about the I. Despair counterclockwise.
God is the I in itself. The empty I.
Rotating around the I. The empty set.
I is denied access to itself.
The logical conclusion of rebellion is pure analysis. Its bastard child is evil.
I is the necessary contact between idea and matter. Ought is its consequence.
What if to treat it unseriously and without proper respect lessens its chance of recurrence.
Analysis is the masterobscenity.
I had the decency to aggressively insult you and in return you have the temerity to engage me in reasoned and polite debate!
Do I have a dog in this fight? I am a dog, I'm in every fight.
Tomorrow's sentences at midnight are stone cold brutality.
It is important to balance balance with imbalance.
The face mask is the physical manifestation of the bargaining stage.
The attempt to aggravate your opponents into taking your positions against you taking theirs and then intentionally losing.
Reading Hegel is the first time I have been frightened by ideas.
Also consider the mythic content of disease and viruses.
I just found out that the sentence 'let there be light' existed before anything. c.f. 'In the beginning was the word.'
The psychoanalytic content of 'the mask' compared with the current use of masks.
When everyone is a hero nobody is.
I don't know what I believe. I don't know what I should believe. I don't even know what I think I believe.
Class is like shit; a healthy body produces a uniform type regularly.
"The ballot serves to maintain depoliticisation" - Beauvoir.
For me, the fact that I believe it is an argument against it.
Giving you child’s drawings a star rating.
The thing about depression is that its all outside your head.
If we were free then there would be no speech.
Free thought is a contradiction.
Yes, I’m projecting, but accepting that doesn’t stop the fact that... I’m projecting.
The dream of a classless society is like the American dream; it’s a dream. A fantasmatical mytheme which structures our contingent and finite reality.
If you want to reject Orwellian doublethink then you must reject modern physics because of its contradictions.
Class is like shit; in and of itself it is disgusting, but it is the product of a healthy body.
Gay homophobe.
Orwellian doublethink vs Hegellian dialectic.
Orgasm is a break in the constitution of the I.
The notion of 'could have done otherwise' is the problem with determinism. Possibility is explicitly concerned with the future.
I'm not successful enough to be modest.
What is the point of a brother if you can't have the deepest possible existential disagreement?
You can be wrong about what you believe. You can think you believe things you don't and vice versa.
Never like anything I produce incase you one day come to understand it.
If I heard what I said I would have understood it. Is that not enough?
The commodity is the ding ein sich!
I paid you the compliment of insulting you and you repay me with compliments!
Satan Walks.
Like a fine paraprosdokian. The New Testament reinterprets the old. It rewrites it.
The old testament is the set up. Christ is the punchline.
The nice thing to do was not give you what you wanted. But I'm not nice.
The absolute is radically specific.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Because the writing desk not being a bird is evidence for ravens being birds as a raven is.
In hell you live out the roles you've played in everyone else's dreams.
Artificial intelligence is asking language to speak.
I was castrated and afterwards found out that I still lacked a penis!
I.
The superconcious.
We the hyperboreans. They the hyperaustralians.
The dialectic of projection.
When Abraham prepared to slay Isaac we had the narrative device Deus Ex Machina. When we prepared to Slay christ the lamb was not forthcoming. This is how Christ killed God and made the world atheist.
It wasn't us that killed God it was Christ. We merely killed Christ.
Man is an antinomy. Like a paradoxical koan.
The conservative historian Niall Ferguson has a nice joke "I'm a Marxist. I'm just on the side of the bourgeoisie". Can I generalise it to "I'm a Christian. I'm just on the side of God."
Kendrick Lamar is at his most Christlike with "I'm the biggest hypocrite of two thousand fifteen."
Christ is the kernel of impossibility. The point of contact between matter and idea. The antinomy of the necessary element. Specific generality and general specificity. The infinite nothing.
Exercise as a form of masturbation.
In the future everyone will be Christ. After sex has been destroyed. A world without sin. A world without beauty.
Subjectivities are formed both by the material conditions that create them and requirements for how they must appear to other subjects.
Stuck in a manual revolving door due to the mistaken belief it is automatic and stops if touched.
There is a biggest thing. There is a most beautiful thing. But can I know they are the same thing?
Anti-American activities are more American than apple pie.
Structuring my self conception around a popular diagnosis for the cause of all social problems.
The voice is a mirror. It is the sound of how the speaker is heard.
God’s absence could exist like a hole exists.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Look at it in the belly lest it be full of Greeks.
Christianity is a kind of anti-progress. We are simply drifting further and further from utopia.
The reification of sex is the institutionalisation of disappointment.
A description is a failed put down
Description is a failed attempt to belittle.
Remove a hypocrisy and replace it with two others.
Tragedy ages a man but ageing is comic.
Being unhinged typically takes on a highly codified form. Nonconformity has its norms.
Happiness is a precondition for sadness. Only in a state of bliss can you see what bliss lacks.
In some sense the immense literature on why the grapes are actually sour and I didn’t want them anyway is actually superior to mere grapes.
At least part of the motivation for bombing European cities during WWII was simply the desire to destroy beautiful things.
The artist is necessarily a parasite. He must have the gall of a parasite!
Tomorrow's sentences at midnight don't flow easily. They must be wrought out.
The United Kingdom is now placing its faith almost entirely in the Tinkerbell effect.
The plague is finally proof for all the things I believed before it happened. It is final confirmation without bias.
how long does urine keep in the fridge
Feel sorry for words that have become tainted by their meaning.
Christ is a Freudian condensation of God, Abraham, Isaac, and the sacrificial lamb.
The television calls you an idiot. That is what we like about it.
The laser killed the legendary musician.
where is the lamb
death walks
The minimum wage is a unit conversion between time and money.
God is the second most unlikely thing after the world.
Capitalism is making us increasingly isolated and alone. But it also has down sides.
An atheist and a theist cannot talk to each other. The Kantian antinomy itself permits the talking.
Intelligence is no excuse for stupidity.
By all means steal your enemy's analysis just don't forget to insert the bayonet first.
One aspect of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is that the occult has been argued to play a key role in Nazi fascism yet in the film is a feature of the protagonist's triumph over them.
All jokes are problematic. The problem is what is funny.
"Listen and Understand. That Terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead." Character Kyle Reese in The Terminator, 1984.
A virus works perfectly as an ideologeme for death precisely because it is not alive. It is like the undead figure of dread we find in characters such as Michael Myers or The Terminator.
The schtick of the comedian is at heart an entire weltanschauung.
Talent is a contemporary construction which says 'do not make things.'
History and Man are in a battle to the death.
That a virus is not even alive shows the banality of God.
The road to reason, science, and humanism is the the road to madness.
"Can't we at least be polite to each other?" "Is the situation really that bad?"
Human nature is the definition of what in unnatural.
"It is only natural." "So is murder."
The later you read the people you hate the greater their influence over you.
Better to err on the side of caution when cultivating plausible deniability.
Science is the ultimate mystification.
I know it is wrong but I don't know why it is wrong.
The I is frightened of its capacity so seeks failure through success.
Only light stands still. It's stationary things that are moving.
Marriage is effectively just one like.
Avogadro's number is a measure of the number of elements required to think.
He who speaks only truth is your enemy.
The forbidden fruit necessitates its eating. So life necessitates its being forbidden.
The dream of a purely material world gave us superstition and witchery.
Materialism is dead and it was killed by the passive subjectless world of objects.
I is the self reflexive metric.
I is the pure ought. The total I-world-God maximisation.
God cannot love because there can be only one totality.
The I knows its finitude. It knows the infinite possibility of the I.
The I entails love. It necessarily permits contact with another I.
When everything is permitted there is no sexuality.
It is not irrational to fear unemployment more than death any more than it is irrational to cross the road.
The Devil charges 5\%* *P.A.
Is the phrase 'money doesn't grow on trees' aware of the fact money is made of paper.
This Friday's midnight screams into the abyss shall be speculative and aloof. Still paradoxical and wrong but reaching out into the darkness.
Being right is for losers.
The definition of a successful joke is that someone writes an essay on what is wrong with it.
If humans are so efficient and productive and all that then how come lions spend like half the day just laying around?
An evil enemy is a great comfort.
The best thing about gay sex is having a man's penis in your arsehole. The worst part is those fucking rainbows.
The electricity for this electric car was made using 100\% organic coal.
The dream that the I is a simple logical entity.
All good writing means to do harm.
Clicking a like button is superstitious.
The beginning of posthistory.
The idea of a negligent government is less frightening than a plague against which governments are impotent.
Oppressive freedom.
If you aren't forever stumbling over your own mistakes and contradictions you aren't thinking.
Montgomery Clift in the Misfits is gentle tears made flesh.
The government is one faction. It has a factional interest. It has differing degrees of power depending on the historical epoch.
It was not us that killed God but Christ himself.
I have inspected this I under the microscope of pure thought and it is a pure ought.
I is an ought.
I is the tendency to self consistency. The I's self consistency concerns the pure idea and sense data. The I attempts to combine multiple sensory data into exactly one world for consistency. The I must act in the world. The I unifies the pure idea with sensory data and its acts.
Self-referential paradox in idea-matter dialectics as a transcendental resolution to the is-ought problem via proof by induction.
Living through the passage from charismatic authority to bureaucratic authority.
Take the is from Marx, the ought from Burke, and the is-ought from Hume.
Love your neighbour as yourself but don’t hate them that much.
The apex of cleverness is murder. This is an argument against cleverness.
God is the contact between two Is.
Critiquing psychoanalysis on the basis that it is of no help in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness is like rejecting a theory of gravity on the basis that footballers don't use it to score goals.
The problem with defining humans is that we might be able to have children with the last humans and with the first but what if the last can't have children with the first?
I don't think it is too aggressive a definition to call human nature those behaviours exhibited by humans; from murder to kindness; from cake baking to nuclear war.
I am trapped in a room with my freedom and we are fighting to the death.
"The Summer of '69" written by Bryan Adams in 1985, tellingly set in the year after the failed and impotent riots of Paris 1968, is a hymn to the wild, bitter, and resentful nostalgia of our parents clinging to the corpse of Bob Dylan as a life raft in a sea of bewilderment.
All those photos you cameo in someone else's life.
Photographs are messages in a bottle for the shores of tomorrow.
Taking a radical Marxian analysis; my material conditions and behaviour suggest I'm a bland centrist.
There are two types of comedian; those with and excess of humour and those with a deficiency.
For capitalism and against capital.
Love is not naturally radical or conservative but it is the ultimate expression of your pose toward these natures.
"The foolishness of fools is folly."
The display of intellect by creating ingeniously stupid statements for the fool character.
Jokes function when they surprise you with the expected.
Those who truthfully execute our ideals are the worst and those with the courage to be hypocrites are my idols.
Can I refer to a wave I saw a year ago! Can I call it 'that wave'!
Too stupid to bear silence.
Can evolutionary theory be applied in backwards time.
What we hate about science is its constant, priggish, and sanctimonious humility.
Democracy is like the torturing Genie of children's fiction; punishing you through granting your wishes; revealing them as incommensurable.
The opposite of being competitive is being aggressive. They attack you directly.
"What is you greatest weakness?" "My strength."
A glut is the condition for scarcity.
Analogies are the most common lies.
We are exhibits in a court case.
I don't disrespect you enough to call you my friend.
The measure of beauty is how much lamentation follows its destruction.
As unwelcome as a pine cone in the rectum.
The Kantian ding ein sich is the inverse of the Marxian 'ideology' of a critique of ideology. One supposes a true analysis of the world as either accessible or inaccessible and either existing or not existing. The truth and what we believe are both inaccessible.
I am born of Paris 1968 and shall never forgive thee.
We the monsters of postmodernity constantly present to remind our parents of their crime.
We spare our children from beauty because ugliness is their currency.
... "I lost that offensive."
Yes I am guilty. I wear my guilt like a crown as I stand on the necks of those who are innocent.
Maximise the number of books read minus the number of newspapers.
The English tongue; tempered by cunnilingus, forked by speech.
Guilt is beauty and poetry. Innocence is pure undiluted brutality.
As the church sought to ruin straight sex with marriage so the state seeks to do the same with gay sex.
To say something wrong with style is Holy. To speak the truth in clarity is the Devil's work.
Gross domestic product as an epithet for shit.
The plague is our punishment and gross domestic product is our sacrifice because that is the only sacrifice we know.
Everything exists. The difficulty is locating how each part of everything is connected.
Everything that is possible is. The only questions regard the properties of which little provincial suburb we find ourselves in.
Television is the opiate of the elderly. To hold their hand and walk them into the darkness.
Hypocrisy is the theory; suicide the practice.
The animal that threatens God.
Starting an essay with 'I digress'.
Plague identification number 19
We mistake anything beyond merely babbling polite sounds as an attack.
We need more now than ever.
Suicide is what separates us from the animals.
My only advice is to replace every should with will.
Every alien species passes through the Old Testament to New Testament transition as an ideological response to the shift in power from one master to a group of them.
The last men shall have many sentences and the last man shall have only one.
The sweetness of curls.
Never follow anything to its logical conclusion. Every thread leads out of the house.
It would be negligent to not exploit this situation.
I am a parasite because if I were not then how could I be here?
Lacking the sensitivity of soul required for evil.
Yes but what can't we talk about?
"You can't have it both ways." "Perhaps not, but you could at least want to have it two ways."
Utopia is to live forever in 'I told you so'.
I made those choices because these regrets needed them.
Dripping with ressentiment, I'm only ever a handful of sentences away from using the word 'should'.
Speaking as a member of the bigot community.
Once writing attains a certain level of clarity it must all be wrong.
The left is currently gearing up to argue against more austerity just to make sure they lack the arguments required for the coming situation.
Cucks pull out, that's their major benefit.
Complete postmodernity.
You can make predictions about the past.
I mistook my not understanding for impossibility.
No theatre survives contact with an audience.
I is me's reflection.
Architecture is the point of contact, and therefore the battleground, between use and uselessness.
Abstractions can be clustered based on whether they look pretty together.
The abstract comes with its own aesthetic. One abstraction invites one moral pose; another another.
Like untouched tit in thrice cooked stew.
In the queue to watch a crucifixion.
We are in paradise. Now lets set about its destruction.
The left believes only in money. It knows nothing of sentimentality. This is its greatest feature and failing too.
There is a time for love and there is a time for hats.
Why is it called a glass ceiling, because you can see through it as you can see people at the top of a hierarchy? Are men light in the metaphor?
Transmission commencing.
Seventy five aggressive remarks in the chamber for publishing at midnight tonight.
There is no plural of hero.
How are currency fluctuations possible? Time delays on contracts.
Time is a ranking by number of representations.
We the last people think these thoughts. Are we destined to think the final thought. Or are we merely another failure.
The past is increasingly unlikely.
Giving the plague an identification number provides some comfort.
Comedy is impossible if humour is a shibboleth.
When someone is more intelligent than you that is all you know. When they are less intelligent you know by exactly how much.
The moral law above me and the stars within me.
Fruitful mistakes. Worthless successes.
The one I theory.
Agreement over content is often less important than agreement over terms. This is because of our animalistic use of sound to confer affiliation.
States lie to their citizens but not to each other.
Power speaks through its opposite.
The biggest scams are legal.
If there is a contradiction between the deterministic evolution of the Schrödinger equation and the probabilistic nature of a measurement a Hegellian might consider this a strength!
I was interested by the idea that advertising is mainly targeted at those that will never purchase the commodity because their unsatisfied desire fuels the desire of those that do buy it. I desire that which others desire and cannot have.
The irony of utopia. When all is done there is nothing to do.
The common denominator as highest. The asymptote of the divine is to partake in the universal.
Happy Birthday Kant. The antinomies of pure reason are an astonishing gift for all time.
You can't teach a new dog old tricks.
Kierkegaard was the best at anxiety.
This week's Friday sentences at midnight shall be melancholy, mournful, and filled with all the dread of our plague.
The idiom consists in the framing of the concept.
What thoughts can I only have in this world. What world can I only have in these thoughts.
The more time spent thinking the thought the more likely that the Universe is such a way as to generate the thought.
I trust a mediocrity more than someone with merit because those with merit will look after those with merit and those without will look after those without.
Can the existence of the anthropic principle as an idea in minds influence its claims.
If the Universe is the object, and God is the subject, what is the predicate.
Our I is the part of us which is identical. Our me is the part which unique.
We are the last people because if we were not the last people we would be more likely to be the last people since there would be more of them than the first people.
Apocalypse was our fantasy. The reality is more boring and less deadly.
Someone must have really hated our parents to give them what they wanted.
Civilisation is like a rollercoaster. It is most fun on the way down.
You can love a good film but you can only hate a great film.
The probability of God is zero. Therefore God.
Thought is the least likely thing.
There is no I in me either.
The presence of thought shows something has gone terribly wrong.
Those who studied PPE struggle to provide PPE.
A functioning politics would concern only incommensurable goods.
The burden of proof is the crown of the weak.
If it can be proved it is trivial. If it is trivial it communicates nothing. If it communicates nothing it can be proved.
I is always smaller than it was.
The supreme coincidence is the rough approximation of just temperament with equal temperament musical tuning.
Humanity for the hell of it.
Life could only have meaning without a God. Life has no meaning. Therefore there is God.
A world can only have evil with God. There is evil. Therefore there is God.
A world without evil would have no God. There is evil. Therefore there is God.
The problem of evil is not a problem but a solution.
Thinking that God should be good and kind is the ultimate sentimentality.
The libidinal gratification of blasphemy is that of the powerful over the weak.
The thing in itself is the infinite totality of possible things that would generate the thing’s sense data.
I am the minimisation of something.
The idealist dialectic. Dialectical materialism. The dialectic between idea and matter.
Filth stream complete.
It is so refreshing to see a celebrity not talk about their struggle with depression.
A seventy eight year old man lies in his death bed and thinks 'I thought we didn't have a ticking biological clock?!'
Should is a means to talk about power in its opposite. Should is forever on the lips of the weak, where the powerful say is.
There is something perverse about talking. You betray your true nature with statements. It is exhibitionist.
Is it grammatically possible for a red square to not be a square?
Once you have derived a narrative relation for is and ought you become resistant to change the is.
The Kinsey scale of materialism-idealism.
An animal is someone who can tell the difference between two dollars.
I am also of the opinion that my opinions must be destroyed.
What mental states are impossible during orgasm.
Maximise truths minus falsehoods over truths plus falsehoods.
I choose the things to care about based on their being perpendicular to my desires and position.
In politics we are proud to start thinking with our conclusions.
Second Truth
First destroy it then provide it.
I won't fight death. I will turn and run.
The manipulation of libidinal energy requires the destruction of libido.
Sex education is designed to ruin their sex lives.
Don't mistake your money for an analysis of why you have that money.
A conductor for one musician.
I am an answer to the question 'how can we delete history?'
To spit at his error
Shadows drift across his wasting white face under cruel clouds
Shading his young flesh from the vision of death
Her oaks belligerent to the delicate blue bells
England sweet England whose bloody earth made the white rose red
My blood is nine tenths guilt and only the remainder is sin. I find the guilt more enjoyable.
Meaningless tautologies are the fundamental units of meaning.
In the final analysis we are most proud of our griefs.
We are all still learning to talk.
The electric guitar lends itself to obstinato.
Sentences that stay still feel aggressively avant-garde.
To demonstrate the case within a description of the case is an instance of humour.
You can't be offensive when nobody is listening.
Never think in public.
What set of instructions would determine the number of space and or time dimensions in any world.
My thoughts sit alone, away from matter. My ideas apply to matter.
How do you measure the number of dimensions?
The mind ages slower than the body. This is a curse as well as a blessing.
There are dialectics of beautiful things such as pure thought as much as of ugly things such as bad marriages.
The contemporary idiom is to move through idioms.
I only have a finite amount of morality and I used it already.
Arnold Schwarzenegger in a world without steroids.
To deny becomes the sole purpose. Without the denial what? There is no satisfaction.
The only thing to ruin the dream is knowing that nobody is in misery.
You must admit that you sometimes yearn for the most interesting outcome. The most calamitous. The disaster.
Built for drowning.
You can't change your voice without changing your I.
How did the regularity of meals evolve from prehistory to now. What effects occur if it is disrupted.
I would say I'm a means to describe what is without describing I.
Better to be wrong in an interesting way than to be right in an interesting way.
Are we with fear and trembling witnessing the birth of democracy.
Can I create something that I cannot achieve if I set my mind to it?
Twitter is the opposite of the panopticon. We can all imagine that someone is listening and receive the libidinal gratification regardless.
Every sentence is criticising someone.
The powerful make statements about the present. The weak also do this. It is unclear if one seeks to mimic the other.
Children fail by using solutions to their parents problems.
The Dalai Lama is celebrated because the mode of being selected is the mode of contemporary success.
Stand up tragedian.
There is only one science but there are infinitely many philosophies.
The only thing truly repulsive is to consider yourself repulsive.
There is no singular of lads.
Losers prefer the truth.
Aggression is the absence of a comic idiom.
The obscene with God is the erotic. The erotic without God is the obscene.
What greater blasphemy than the New Testament. What more blasphemous man than Christ.
How to count everything.
Perhaps I and me are the same thing after all.
The Universe is the totality of matter. God is the totality of ideas. We cannot speak of a combination of the two.
Beware me. I have been corrupted by an expensive education and mean to do harm.
The median invented a principle axis. After there is a principle axis there is only one direction left to travel and that is towards sex.
I try not to have opinions; they crush thought like train tracks do a train.
Special Good Friday coronavirus souvenir repulsive sentences tonight at midnight.
We lack an analysis.
Currently auditioning for the role of scapegoat.
I don't expect a return of austerity rhetoric. 'History rhymes but doesn't repeat.'
Don't be like Jesus; stay in the cave.
Get Sitting Up Done!
The best we hope for is that someone says something good.
The youth are flattered. That is how we take our revenge on them.
The mere expression of the opposite.
Over one hundred bad sentences this Friday at midnight.
The cleanest way to deny libidinal gratification is to provide clear, direct, and explicit descriptions of extreme sexual acts.
Misology - the hatred of reason.
We most hate our enemies when they give us new information.
A mark of stupidity is to only read things you agree with.
Use of the concept in its opposite as is done with the corporation Virgin is more obscene than with the intended thing in itself slut.
Controvert.
A useful lie is they.
Two opposite forms of unity.
I only praise people who I hate.
I is plural.
Taking as opposites what are not opposites.
They say that if you smile at a dog the dog takes the baring of teeth as a sign of aggression. The dog is correct.
Not to change what is and is not sin but to change what sin is.
To be alive is the ultimate sin.
The feeling that it is repulsive to consume what you are not capable of producing and its opposite.
“Nothing evokes the end of the world more than a man running straight ahead on a beach, swathed in the sounds of his walkman... The jogger commits suicide by running up and down the beach. His eyes are wild, saliva drips from his mouth. Do not stop him.” Jean Baudrillard, America
The conditions change so the sexual scheme changes.
In binary the 1 represents a penis and the 0 a vagina.
Sensory data and tautology.
The greatest lie ever told is i before e except after c.
When are we saying different things? When are we saying the same thing in different ways?
I didn't know what my ears could do.
Dynamic pure tuning!
The problem with self-isolation is that we are too connected.
We feared the bat sucking our blood. But it tricked us into sucking its blood and gave us something much worse.
The bat is an unbird. It's 'convergent evolution' of the wing is one of God's travesties. It is the undead. The intelligent unhuman.
I'm a white cunt. My clean skin is offset by my filthy blood.
Beware that we are witnessing a failed revolution.
The assassination of JFK was not the cause of failure but its consequence.
Bob Dylan is of his generation. He failed as they failed.
Our parents' failed generation is transcribed in the passage from the Beatles' uneaten apple to the Apple corporation's apple with a single bite taken.
"One of the most effective means of seduction that Evil has is the challenge to struggle." - Kafka.
Actually existing statements are the least interesting kind.
A large number of statements are of the form somebody else thinks something inaccurate.
Futurnity is the unity of consumption and production.
The mantra of “be kind” applies to all including those who oppress me. I don’t wish to be kind to them.
The Kantian notion of freedom makes freedom a choice. Do you choose freedom and act according to reason or unfreedom and according to impulse.
Is freedom for groups any more baffling than for individuals? If so then the question of whether individuals are in fact groups might determine the possibility of freedom.
In Hell there is an actual mirror. A device which gives a full and complete description of yourself in a language you understand. Such a thing is impossible in the world of finite time.
I lack the strength required for tragedy proper and can only muster up a kind of dull misery.
I’m rarely terrorised by terrorists. At best I’m slightly bored by them.
Common sense. Common nonsense. Uncommon sense. Uncommon nonsense.
It is ridiculous, nay impossible, for a philosopher to be married. For this reason our epoch can generate no new philosophy but only historians of philosophy. It can merely categorise dead thoughts. This may also be true in other fields.
The desire to be heard is inversely correlated with saying something worth hearing.
Ressentiment has a genius for fabricating reasons.
It would be impossible for a youth movement to insulate itself from the middle aged today. Perhaps as Capitalism created the teenager the internet destroyed it. Or equivalently universalised it.
It is said that when an animal encounters another species it is either prey, a predator, or irrelevant. Is the same true of other people?
To try is pretentious now.
Jazz music was first considered repellent because it was simplistic and crass. Now it is considered repellent because it is complex and sophisticated. Such is the total domination of ostinato.
Dominion of the old over the young. Dominion of death over life.
Human caviar.
The primordial phallus is the proposed origin of all genitals and derives from the greek phallos "to inflate". The inflaton field is the proposed primordial origin of the Universe and has the latinate route in flare or blow into. May these facts be unified into a vulgar totality?
The tautology “saying it like it is” claims there is an identity between obscenity and truth.
It is a necessary feature of popular culture to die with its consumers.
Perhaps the idea of Taylor Swift being tortured is ridiculous but perhaps being tortured is a great luxury only available to the richest.
Good old fashioned postmodernism.
What is the appeal of bigotry? Perhaps it presents itself as the easiest mode of resentment. Rebellion without the responsibility.
Christ is anti-Christ as the explosive contradiction that generates the absolute.
Pride and shame sit next to each other in class.
Reduced to mere accuracy.
Never ruin a perfectly good day by doing something.
The play must present a false and flattering image of the audience.
The scientists seek to conquer language.
The heterosexual is structured through the homosexual.
Sport does not present utopia in its games but in its training. A very idyll of homoerotic love.
Happiness is not self aware. It is unconsciousness.
A genetic relation between shame and voyeurism.
Are you an immigrant or an emigrant? Who's asking?
An Englishman trying to understand Hegel is like a German trying to comprehend Branston Pickle.
Orwell’s 1984 is truly sentimental. Why would having an affair bring down a government?
If someone insults you it is rude to not give them what they ask for and make them your enemy.
If we wanted to be pedantic we could say “less” is never grammatical because of atoms.
The best solution is worse than the problem.
Violence is life sped up.
The most terrible possibility of the abyss is a voice calling back.
Drunkenness enables the gradual progression to sleep instead of falling into it.
The future is all reading.
Do species without sex have jokes?
I'm a sentence maker. Making you a sentence hater.
There is exactly one upside down statement.
Why learn history. Nothing has happened yet.
The I is the possibility of statements.
I have my hand on the libidinal taps.
Hell is your fantasy realised.
Life was God's only mistake. He thought He had created the perfect Universe but in one far corner His error is quietly growing into a catastrophe.
How is a raven like the Nazis.
Democracy would be immoral.
Asymptotic end of history.
... yeah but it's better than neither wanting to have it nor eat it.
The best revenge is total military annihilation.
Since man domesticated man.
Any sentence with the word should in it is a description of the speaker.
That truth is brutal and painful shouldn't be confused with mere brutality and pain.
He was larger than life. But smaller than death.
Filthy sentences coming here at midnight.
"We are looking at... "
Modernity was a dead end.
No statements without an I.
I remember during childbirth thinking "I can't wait for things to go back to normal".
"Apache Kafka is an open-source stream-processing software platform developed by LinkedIn."
Thinking is mental unhealth.
F F E C F F E C F
He is being irrational. He is both doing and not doing something.
The singular point of contact between ideas and matter.
The childless evolutionary psychologist renders her I quite the dialectical paratautology.
My behaviour isn’t opposite to my opinions but perpendicular to them.
Why two? Because power ranks and ranks lead to medians.
Necessarily two mental schemes.
You can tell we are disgusting because we put athletes in clothes thus negating the entire purpose of athletics.
Narrative is the psychological relation between is and ought.
What relation between marginal stabilities and aggregate stabilities?
The is-ought problem implies there is no connection between positive and normative Marxism. Why then is Niall Fergusen's joke 'I'm a Marxist. But I'm on the side of the Bourgeoisie' a joke? Why do normative claims ever come with positive claims?
Ideological health.
We all just utter ideologemes until we get a positive response. The responses depend on your relation to the libidinal supply.
Self-criticism is disgusting. This is the foundation of anti-intellectualism.
Morality is marginal ethics.
Desires at the margin oppose desires at the middle.
The pure idiom stripped of surface content.
Should.
Sentences and time stamped sentences.
The Western stands in for temporality. Manifest Destiny is just the surface content.
My hobby is counting my fantasies.
In the Mario video game series you don’t play Mario but Bowser.
Fisher’s argument for the equal sex ratio extended to the principal theoretical axis.
Why are there the same number of people on each side of the argument. It seems like too much of a coincidence.
Some logical connection between misogyny and the wage relation.
Money is the removal of a princess.
The absence of a princess.
We need to find the thing that we can count.
One dollar plus one dollar does not equal two dollars.
You can’t count money.
I is a vibration on the envy surface.
The emergence of orgone through stable states of the jealousy field.
Libidinal energy distilled into pure jealousy.
Equilibrium maintenance of the wage relation.
"Nobody knows what the body can do" - Spinoza.
Deparadoxification
Modernity all over again.
The time is back in joint!
Dua Lipa's Future Nostalgia is a logically consistent undoing of the Derridean paradox of nostalgia for the future. An unhauntology or exorcism. A unparadoxical ironisation of a paradox to make a tautology.
Every beautiful thing is pregnant with tragedy.
"bourgeois exchange is sublimated rituals of the anus."
Financial services workers count as key workers.
Whatever it takes! Sure, but what will it take? We were hoping you could tell us.
Long Get Whatever term it Brexit takes! economic Done! plan.
The best way to scare the shit out of someone is to say 'everything will be alright.'
There is a whole second order dialectical aspect to government advice of taking account of the fact the population might presume you are lying.
God help us they are basing their advice on computer models.
I fully identify with some contemporary idiom.
The tomato is not a vegetable; it is a terrorist.
Regions of the space of all possible worlds that have God and regions that don’t. Regions that have observers and those that don’t. Are they related?
Once the barrier of 100\% is broken why stop at giving it 110\%? Why not 111\%?
Catch it. See it. Bin it. Say it. Kill it. Sorted.
The Pleasure Of Violating Taboos.
The United Kingdom of Plants and Animals
Back To The Future resolves the contradiction of paternal libidinal failure by promising you that you are your own son and constitute a libidinal perpetual motion machine.
"The north pole will be warmer than the Mediterranean and the ocean will taste of lemonade" - Charles Fourier.
The division of labour makes our minds conform to a metaphorical body of all of us. One man is a hand. One woman a mind. One an eye. One a foot.
The zeroth order material conception of democratic equilibrium conceives of two parties representing the median voter up and down respectively with each party representing the interests of the first and third quartile respectively. Culture is higher materio-ideo double-dialectics
Your sexuality belongs to me.
Hierarchies are an attempt to alleviate existential angst in advanced economies by pretending to be rational.
It cannot both be true that we are not at the end of history and that capitalism will not end.
I also pull pencils.
Why is it precisely gender that is the seat of contemporary anxiety? What are the material conditions for it?
Towards a material conception of gender. That psychopathology of affluent societies that mystifies the material and materialises the mystical.
Desire is the gradient of the pleasure field.
Incommensurable taboo sets.
The division of labour in the animal kingdom.
... it reminds me of a claim I once made that food preferences were an industrial phenomenon born of the psycho-pathologies of divided labour.
Nobody is outside but not everybody is inside.
In the internet, of the internet, on the internet, by the internet, for the internet.
I want everyone else to tell the truth but for me to lie, everyone else to get vaccinated but me no, everyone to be a Christian except me...
The aesthetic of the incomprehensible.
Uncapitalism.
They said I couldn't do it and I proved them wrong. Then in later life I realised I didn't want to do it.
The great superstition that our words do anything other than describe and its sister that they describe at all.
Evil is pure aesthetic.
"By Utopia I understand irreducible beauty, and even the sword of destiny of an angel who leads us toward that which we know is impossible, like the author of these lines has always known that Philosophy, she, and not for being a woman, would never be able to do" María Zambrano
What is cunning about the Oscars is to promote some demicounterhegemonic forms to maintain the hegemon.
The animal drawn to the impossible.
Matter is that which can't do impossible things.
Matter can't do impossible things, only ideas can.
Why this cultural phenomena now. These material conditions now. The soil of thought.
That which is immune to critique.
I have a carbon fetish.
Carbon dioxide is mystical.
Ad hominem is not probabilistically irrational.
I have to pay someone so I can lie down in a flat, and someone else has to pay me to sit down in an office, but I get to walk between the two for free!
Christ is the anti-CO2.
Global warming is the ultimate horizon of anti-hypocrisy.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has to compensate for his pants like some anti-Adam.
Why does everything have only one price?
Irony works even when it doesn't.
Maximise rationality as a possible utility function for AI might be the worst possible option.
Carbon dioxide is the last sin.
The collective superego.
The superego's first command is to not be prejudiced.
Marxian dialectical materialism is like the marginal product theory of wages; it's wrong but it is the best first attempt.
Logically valid arguments are a tiny subset of good arguments.
The central superstition of politics is the belief that this conversation is somehow going to alter the course of history.
The universal citizen is contingent on generations of particular ancestors.
I am constantly monitoring my communication style to improve my performance of best practices in interpersonal relations.
A masterpiece of psychological manipulation.
The audacity of despair.
The joke must be framed. The frame is the thing in itself.
Only a fool would make an argument based on content.
Withholding shelter is the only necessary act.
Wodepostdeconstructuralism
The application of the intellect in a display of aggressive self love should be paired with the jewellery of utility.
There are certain acts that are hypocritical in and of themselves without having to claim you do not engage in them. The act is performs the statement 'I do not do this act'.
The hypothesis is itself a thing. It acts!
"The writing is original." "Oh come on it's not that bad."
An anti-film war.
Everything is a cultural object.
The road must move slowly beneath you to comfort you with physical safety or fast to do likewise with mental safety.
The state of the individual presented clearly and repeatedly as instrument.
It is more important to censor style than content. A murder can have a childlike innocence and a leaf can be utterly disgusting purely based on style.
Taboos of style versus taboos of content.
The style parades as content. The erotic as the material. Inverse rendered solid. Libidinal economy incorporated.
It stands in liminality via the paradox.
The erotic mode and comic mode watch each other in a mirror.
The comic performance has as its ultimate horizon a paradoxical demonstration of its social function.
Repetition is either comic or sexual.
Every sentence.
Every sentence except this one.
One of the minor tragedies is the refusal of others to value in you what you value in others.
Sometimes the most frightening words that can come out of a woman's mouth are 'I want you.' Sometimes they are "look out there's a bear!"
Given Roger Scruton's cosmopolitanism his praise for home felt like a eulogy.
The opposite of materialism is not idealism but not materialism.
Which bad ideas do I prefer. I hate people who have the complementary set.
Love the sin. Hate the sinner.
Those thoughts that reverse when time is reversed and those that do not.
The exactly one person who looks most like you.
Analysis will always let you down.
That thought is a word and it is a word I cannot say.
Entertainment must be total because I am incapable of amusing myself.
The meaning of liking something changed with the invention of the like button.
Robespierre described terror as something the state did to enemies of the people in direct contrast to the current usage by states which inverts the victor and victim.
The horseshoe theory of politics may be overcome by joining the two ends and making a circle!
At the limit communism is equal to libertarian capitalism. This is the archetypal example of the identity of opposites.
We all lick our own wounds because they are beautiful to us and us alone.
Asceticism is a form of revenge.
Modernity was postmodern to begin with.
No one has ever led by example. One cannot be both pope and monk!
In the world of text the I word denies the world of flesh.
Splitting of another. Splitting of the self.
Solutions replace problems with more complicated problems.
Using the word positive to describe the good and negative to describe the bad is a metaphor and mystification.
You can neither have nor eat the tragedy cake.
““So “called” “sex”””
In this sense the Kantian genitals are material symbols for subjectivity.
Kant’s notion of marriage seems to be that one gives up one’s subjectivity by becoming an object for the other but regains it by receiving the other as a thing in return. Subjectivity exchange.
One can either speak and lie or hold one’s tongue or be a god!
What is this ideological content of food? It is the domination of the cook by the eater.
Everything except the explosion.
Architecture is rarely funny.
The comic modes are crystallised in social organisation of the epoch.
To have your cake and eat it and claim it is good for the economy.
Gerontocracy.
If you don't hate your government you're not a patriot.
Is illusion a free will? Is free illusion a will? Is illusion will a free?
Multiple personality order.
A want to believe that you don't believe as an argument for believing which brings about its opposite.
"Any desire which is ardently wished for is suspect on its own grounds." - Hume.
I stain the world with colour like handfuls of paint on a glass statue.
No argument stands alone.
The erotic is that which can not be made abstract.
The bulk of common sayings tend to claim the niceness of the speaker so their inversions tend to do the opposite.
There's nothing I hate more than a lack of hypocrisy.
Love is violent. Hate is peaceful.
On the other foot...
If you want to get your own back on the dead say they were nice.
I'm sorry for how pathetic you are.
I hereby admit guilt to every crime in speech and act that you wish to accuse me of.
Flies need someone to sick up for them.
Drowning in bleach.
Thought is pure aggression; separated from its petty material form violence.
I am humbled to watch the flow of your petty sentences.
Thought can only ever say no.
"To see that thought in its very nature is dialectical, and that, as understanding, it must fall into contradiction – the negative of itself – will form one of the main lessons of logic." - Hegel's logic.
My regrets are better than yours.
If I can fail it just goes to show that you will not be able to because you lack my subtle beauty, overpowering intellect and sheer grace in the eyes of God.
Dear Basketball, you are just a stupid sport. He only pretended to love you because you made him rich.
Materialism supposes that ideas are the only thing that exist. Idealism supposes that matter is the only thing that exists.
"...i...a...M...a... r...a...C... is ...t" - William Shakespeare.
The best can of Coke I've ever seen.
The government funds science because it is a means to lower the price of skilled labour without any danger of creating anybody with the faculties required to criticise it.
Art holds a mirror up to society. It flatters its vanity and shows its surface self image. Better the surgeon's knife.
The most important issues are the least important issues.
Everyone loves dancing because dancing is love for the world. Some can't admit it to others and others can't admit it to themselves.
None so dumb as the smart.
If we're so rich then why haven't we built any cathedrals.
Sentence churn commencement imminent and immanent.
Birds are indecisive immigrant workers.
The trouble with a 'battle plan' for an infectious disease is that battles involve mass public gathering and aren't known for their hand washing opportunities.
Special souvenir coronavirus sentences to be published tonight at midnight. Cold words cut from a cruel heart. Fragments without paragraphs. Just vicious statements we all wish were never rendered. Published in the dead of night, when they are least likely to be consumed.
The dogs at Crufts have to wash their paws for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday four times.
The implication is that ordinarily the bulk of the population doesn't wash their hands.
Interesting thought requires a boring life.
The word all is quite small.
The comic character is the pristine dividual. The ultimate horizon of commodified personality.
Is Free Willy an Illusiony?
If dogs had human life spans nobody would want them as pets because we just like to feel like we are ageing slower than someone.
Irrational rationality maximisation.
Rational utility maximisation can survive any test simply by controlling the definition of utility.
A harsh attitude can be a sign of vulnerability; the need to affirm your acceptance of disappointments... to who?
They should have done a 51.9p coin and a 48.1p one so you can only pay a pound if you have one of each.
Cold cuts postponed.
The second part of the sentence undermined the first and yet I was left unsurprised.
Today is a good day to become a mystic.
Cold cuts tonight at midnight.
When I'm practicing being me I think what would me do again?
The set of all reference frames.
Weighing up finite options vs weighing up infinite options.
What I wanted to see was Daisy Ridley kill Adam Driver by knife after kissing him.
Materialists believe in life after death.
Rumours of my orgasm are greatly exaggerated.
Death is the only authentic orgasm.
Yes I'm on the wrong side of history but what if history is wrong?
The greatest change that can take place in a man is moving from the left to the right for his side parting.
The ends justify the memes.
The force field of libidinal economy manifests itself in the sentence’s demand to be dismantled in its final ironic clause.
The ironist has no choice but to defend the predominant because consensus is a necessary condition for irony.
The vulgar materialists show great concern for the ideas of others.
Universals are easier to handle than particulars.
"My page is dirty but my life is clean" - Juvenal.
Radical uncertainty can itself be a fundamental axiom.
Marx is the Enlightenment project par excellence because in the insane project of a rational analysis of not just one, as Freud, but all he most perfectly embodies Kant's opening up of all fields to rational analysis.
The pound is the symbol of sovereignty so marking the half is a curious act.
The Easterlin paradox is the pretence that you don't understand ressentiment.
The tongue is in the cheek but it is a vicious spitting and forked tongue in the mouth of a snake.
Let us abolish Judas because he hinders our progress. And Doubting Thomas because he gave us inefficiency. Then we may all be a decimal.
The fifty pence piece, halving the one hundred disgusting European decimal carving of the world. Man's hand of ten lending Napoleon his metre and stealing our beautiful poetry of twelve pennies to a shilling and twenty shillings to a pound. Do you speak to me of ten disciples!
The exactly one form of monomania is the search for the exactly one necessary axiom of the word. The single point of contact between the infinite and the world.
¡Quantum superposition is physical aufheben!
The world is bizarrely specific.
Your choice of utility function in the deluded scheme of pure rationality is an aesthetic one.
"A rising tide raises all boats." Then I hate ye tide for lifting all those cunt others!
I would rather have nothing and my brother get a punch in the face than for us both to get ten pounds.
embourgeoisement and proletarianisation
The Bell-end curve.
She is a maniser.
I don't like the acronym POC, it sounds like pox.
The false face is more true than the I hiding behind it.
Claim to believe that which you self evidently do not believe.
You can't use the word I unless you believe in God.
The more thought that can go into a binary choice the more similar the outcomes and the closer you are to equilibrium.
Any system which enables infinite thought to go in to a binary choice is a delusion.
Democratic dialectics.
Weekly sentence broadcast complete.
Don't squander your wealth and health on a happy and fulfilling life but spend it on the beautiful indulgence of brooding miseries and vicious envy. Buy the depths.
Machine learning audio video to make addictive computer games. The resulting video is a surreal half narrative and half pornographic dream. A permanent compulsive melancholic orgasm.
The birds aren't singing they're complaining.
Artificial intelligence must be capable of believing in God.
Exactly half of all minds believe in God.
"The harmony of overwhelming and collective murder... even the stars up in the sky look like a mess."
What do Americans have against human beans?
Fascism was Modern but I'm worried about moving on to the postmodern.
The dialectic of faith and doubt.
Radical doubt from first principles.
Guilty from both sides.
"Happiness and misery are sisters; they grow up together, or in your case, stay small together."
Denmark is the happiest nation on earth. Poor bastards.
Our best days are ahead of us. But so are our worst. And while joy has a ceiling sorrow has no floor.
Rationality is like today's police. They show up after the crime has been committed.
Reality is a graph.
We will misremember them.
I'm too stupid to watch films so I write deep readings of them instead.
Only the Sith talk in absolutes. And Enlightenment thinkers.
We have made great progress toward the grave.
At some point in the future there will be zero people. There are only so many ways to get from eight billion to zero. Is catastrophe or slow death more terrifying?
"To write poetry after the holocaust is obscene" - Adorno. Could we say the same of optimism?
The oner to end all oners.
Give the devil a mouth and give him the world.
You're not really British unless you consume two hours of television per day.
There is a special place in hell for everyone.
I only like people who have the same opinions as me. That is why I don't like anyone including myself.
I'm closed minded but at least I know it.
Science can't even predict if my mum will buy milk tomorrow. And now he tries to tell me of some utopia and/or dystopia in fifty years when I'm in the ground.
Take away the sting of the strong by imaging they have a shallow inner life.
"Thou canst not tell where one drop of water or one grain of sand will be to-morrow noon; and yet with thy impotence thou insultest the sun! Science! Curse thee, thou vain toy; and cursed be all the things that cast man’s eyes aloft to that heaven..."
The purpose of education is to control the cost of skilled labour. Learning is an unfortunate side effect, so we may as well teach them to be servile.
Never trust anyone with merit.
Devastating satire is mildly amusing.
Yes but you are good at winning arguments so you winning is no argument for you being right.
We are all born in the wrong body.
The propensity to weep is the brag of the sentimental.
"It's irrational." "Is that a criticism or a compliment?"
"a Left which cannot grasp the immense Utopian appeal of nationalism (any more than it can grasp that of religion or of fascism) can scarcely hope to "reappropriate" such collective energies and must effectively doom itself to political impotence." - Fredric Jameson.
The leader follows the led.
The contradiction is explosive. Explosion. Therefore the contradiction.
The Condorcet paradox is devastating to the very notion of utility functions.
There might be deep psychological and economic reasons for r=2g
The United States shall lead the world into the next epoch whatever it may be.
Popper’s central thesis in the poverty of historicism is essentially dialectical. Theories become a part of what must be theorised. But can we seriously accuse Hegel of being insufficiently dialectical!
A teleological interpretation of the anthropic principle asks us to begin with advanced intelligence and work backwards to the origins of the world.
Economic doubling time to life span ratio as a fundamental entity.
Hello police! I’ve been mugged! Can you describe the assailant? They had awfully small gametes.
The obvious problem with the gamete based definition is I have never seen one and therefore cannot use it as a means to categorise real people in the wild.
To coldly reject the contemporary idiom.
Problems presented as solutions.
In the future the whole world will be an airport.
Omnimpotent
I could tell that he was an intelligent man. He had that repulsiveness of intelligent men.
What a coincidence that contemporary science takes the eschatology of climate science as its principal concern. Monks in white coats!
Utopia is the ultimate catastrophe.
The immanent critique is the most effective way to be a cunt.
"It is like a cult." "What have you got against cults?"
Professional leisure activities and amateur businesses.
Creating every sentence just to invert what you dream you are being accused of.
The war to end all tracking shots.
Sentences as words. Contradictions and tautologies as symbols in the meta language.
Evil seems like too much effort to me.
Atheism is pride in not having read anything.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to try another Netflix series.
Never reveal that you are reasonable. Your enemies will use it against you.
I too use reason as a trick, you'll have to try something else.
We can accept a million deaths a year in return for being able to drive to the shops. I don't think a few dozen more will put us off our hobbies.
The British are manqué terrorists.
The French wrote their dedication to the Enlightenment on their flag. We display ours at an ironic distance through hatred for the queen. Our way has a paradoxical and dialectical cheer about it.
The absolute reversal to the claim that there are really existing squares!
"I want to see how much I can bear" Weber wrote of the unpleasant vocation for truth.
The joy of children is that you can keep it a secret from them for around twelve years that the world thinks you're pathetic.
I'm playing the wrong notes but necessarily in the right order.
When football audiences shout 'goal' they seem to celebrating the idea of an aim itself rather than the satisfying of some aim. We have will! But what is their goal? Nobody knows. Like a murmuration of swallows.
Nature documentaries are all faked. They are made in a TV studio on the moon. Neil Armstrong delivered an Ark there in 1969.
The coincidence that whatever I go shopping for just happens to be available in shops.
The sea has been abolished.
Imagine if it were possible to measure it and there were seven Is in every me.
Christ is a point of cognitive equilibrium about which labour value pivots.
I holiday to remind myself of my inadequacy.
The facts are a moving image.
Trying in vain to give the motorway the mythic weight of the sea. My van the ethical symbolism of the ship.
Keeping secrets through a lack of trust in others capacity to hate.
The internet lacks much discussion of the sea.
Those types of deterministic free will which prohibit multiple subjects in a given body and those that permit them.
Is The Rock a sad figure? Going to the gym to maintain his ability to convincingly raise a humorous eyebrow at an un-athletic co star. Being a happy and productive subject all day long.
A maker of embarrassing art.
Good writers have a control and poise letting them say what they want. Bad writers stumble by accident to speak for the age and tell its secrets.
Beauty hints at an immortal melancholy.
Every job requires bad ideas to do it well.
"You're so anal!" "Yeah and you're oral, now kiss my ass."
New sentences tonight at midnight.
Your interests have a will of their own.
Of all commercial enterprises it is the culture industry which finds itself the setting for the sexual counterrevolution.
Opening your mouth is vicious to begin with so you may as well honour the occasion with vicious words.
Travel seeks to destroy simply by looking.
“The shamanists of Lake Baikal, forbidden to worship their old gods by the Soviet communist regime, renamed them after the Paris Communards, thereby preserving from extinction both their religion and their very identity” - Enlightenments Wake, John Gray.
Evidence based ignorance.
“Rational optimism”. Rational holding of unrealistically high expectations for the future. Rational untruth.
To be a perfectly realised subject of the age is repellent.
Weekly sentence broadcast complete.
Freedom minus violence equals zero.
Be original and think for yourself. Or use your prejudice and think for all humanity.
Hating the Queen is how I show my respect for monarchy.
Victory is when your enemies use your theory to dismantle your arguments.
Europeans! Give them an inch and they take 2.5 cm.
Prohibited style or prohibited content.
The attempt to study society scientifically is incommensurable with being alive.
The manufacturing of new repellent remarks.
A classic tale of good against good.
Give me my malady back!
Taking both pride in your position and offence at another's observing of it.
One technique for drawing new pleasures from old amusements is to thoroughly inspect your soul and attempt to answer the question of why you previously laughed and now don't.
Every remark some imaginary vengeance. But for what?
Doubly contingent history. Double freedom.
The Marxian immanent critique of Marxism either succeeds and fails or fails and succeeds.
Claiming Marxism is the Enlightenment project par excellence as a Marxian immanent critique of the Enlightenment.
A mind that has grieved is damaged. That is its tribute.
"The imaginary representation of the subject's relationship to his or her real conditions of existence." - Althuser's definition of ideology.
"The catastrophe of Thyza may be read as a grim diagnosis and commentary on the unconscious meaning of Egremont's philanthropic altruism, a virtually Nietzschean unmasking of the gesture of hostility concealed within the charitable impulse" - ibid.
"...the close relationship, in the original seventeenth century conception of libertinage, between scientific knowledge (materialism and atheism) and sexual license, both of which affirm the ultimate primacy of the body" - The Political Unconscious, Fredric Jameson.
It is vital that we develop more sustainable nuclear weapons that cleanse the earth with seed and soil.
The hypercritique of the metacritique of the critique is to start from the knowledge you are irrational and to include double safety features at every stage to create a consistent piece of hypocrisy.
Creating something new is easy. What is difficult is to create what already exists.
I could tell the truth but then I would just be revealing my delusions.
Why are you flattering me so much? Do you really hold me in such low regard?
I present these claims as flags of the material positions I want to portray. Why would I attempt to utter true statements?
The film Top Gun is about the pop group The Clash's gradual transition from performative rebelliousness to dad's fantasmatic crutch.
Stormzy rapped 'I'm a big man, how the fuck can I, Army comes everywhere I go' then went backstage to cry because he didn't have in-ear monitoring and was worried he hadn't done a good performance.
The aggressively sexual image of semen dripping from a man's anus rendered libidinally inert through its symbolic rendering in a homophone on a word for the comically banal object of a popular food product.
I address you fuckup. Come to my house and you bring the wine and the food and the merryness.
If you gave a superintelligence access to only a Twitter account how could it destroy the world?
Tragedy is video footage of an actor pretending to have chemotherapy. Comedy is my dad having chemotherapy.
The madness of the complete description.
Say you are moral with the plot. Reveal your immorality with the subplot.
The most offensive opinion is that the symbols AB, BA, AA, and BB can be grouped as either those that begin with A, and those with B or as those with the same letter and those with different letters.
I have set myself no lesser task than to prepare your mind for the new digital order.
"When I don't understand something I call it dialectical" - Marx When I don't understand something I call it nonlinear. If it is truly incomprehensible I call it highly nonlinear.
I'm really good in bed. I'm very moral in there which makes me awful at sex.
God is the statement that consciousness is bounded.
A concept like a square is not impossible just infinitely unlikely. But actual sets of four particle positions are also infinitely unlikely.
I is the minimum set of instructions that generates I's sentences.
The only way I could know there were other Is is if I tried to say 'hello' and one of the other Is said something else.
Would there be any way to know if there were simultaneous I things in me at the same time?
Given the dark side of the force was code for femininity in rendering the one a woman they were forced to create the dyad scheme to make her the white dot in the black part of the nineties Yin-Yang necklace.
Feel for all the volcanoes that never quite manage to pop their heads above water and become islands.
I'm fell.
Every word was censored except for the racial and genital slurs.
What is the contradiction that unifies all these sentences?
Strange remarks.
Dialectic of utopias. Dialectic of paths to utopia.
The universal pedant answers every question with 'it depends.'
If you were really an atheist you would give up science as well as religion.
Love is when fantasies cohere.
Only old ideas can be offensive. New ideas simply pass you by.
Our deep-irony sentences retain the stench of the novel.
The most contentious issue of the day is set theory.
Counter your nasty behaviour with nice opinions.
Nice in the postmodern sense of projecting popular opinions.
But is kindness lovely?
Why think when you can utilise the thought of the ages and simply do as others do.
At times there is nothing left to do except the useless and times where the useless has no use at all.
The useless is the easiest way to occupy the useless.
Yeah but everyone weak acts nice.
The animal that called itself wise.
Much intellect, much intellectual vanity.
My dating advice is don't go out with someone who is grieving.
The world's leading expert in his own sexual malaise.
Fifty six new sentences at midnight tonight.
This food reeks of human labour.
In evoking Heart of Darkness via Coppolla’s Vietnam reimagining Apocalypse Now, Pinker’s Enlightenment Now accidentally evokes the naive soldier navigating to the source of liberal democracy and being confronted with its necessary obverse.
The only way China could bring about a capitalist economy from scratch in a generation was through a single party communist state.
The most basic preference I have regarding books is for short regular length chapters.
The freedom for the one person on the stage to speak or the freedom for the one or more people in the audience to speak.
What material change is encoded in the transition from the one to the dyad.
Jennifer Lopez is an American’s idea of a Spanish woman.
The British lack confidence. Europeans are confident. Americans are a parody of confidence.
The result of pure reason is Ed Sheeran.
Taking satire at unface value is for deep fools.
Music is the definition of the present.
"Could have done otherwise" is meaningless and no criteria for anything meaningful.
Since comedy is self evidently the act of trying to be liked, paradoxically performing a disinterest in being liked is a means to separate some group, real or imagined, such that the larger remainder likes them more in return for the provision of symbolic superiority.
Performative nonchalance.
I tried to say what I think once. It took ten years and ended badly.
The nightmare is your vote having an impact. There is no disutility in voting because you enjoy the performance of the act itself.
Having worn a pair of jeans for two weeks I spilt some dip on them and thought 'argh, I'll have to wash them now.' That was five days ago.
The worst thing about dying is the family historians move in with their self serving revisionism.
If it happens once it is tragedy. Twice comedy.
I am enjoying my whining. Just try to satisfy the content of it and watch me pivot.
The waters in the sacred rivers are flowing in reverse. - Medea
Everyone hates new ideas. They are like splinters you want out but daren't approach with tweezers for fear of damage to the surrounding flesh.
And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like “whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.”
The more the system appears to depend on one individual the more the individual is replaceable.
I is a point subject. One of an infinite number of possible subjects. The flat earth projection is the reality of another kind of subject. That is why it is favoured by the anti-orthodox; it supposes a new kind of subject which is inherently radical politically.
Man and Capital are both finite. The question is which will finish first. I hope to hell it is humanity.
By all means write your own subtext but don't write your own supertext.
There is a three point interaction between your self interest, your portrayed self interest, and your behaviour.
Those sets of things where I have a negligible impact on outcomes encourages or discourages my doing them is set by the ratio of performative cost and performative morality.
I'd rather get out of the dustbin than improve conditions in the dustbin.
The wrong end of the shtick.
A country that calls a tomato a fruit and then acts as if it were a vegetable is a country that will kill you if it is useful.
The end of history is a comic idea.
To become a conduit for the collective meditation you must submit fully to sentimentality.
Sequels, prequels, and remakes each have a distinct dialectical relation to the source. As a symbolic meditation on the destiny of the community each triangulates our collective memory in three possible ways.
The sets of situations in which I could believe any given statement are all non-empty.
When nobody touches there is a hyper-sexualised fetishisation of touch.
If you can buy the right to sell something can you buy the right to buy the right to sell it and so on and so on.
Something I have seen happen twice is a couple with children keeping an unused cracker between them in an attempt to keep one for their child and thus causing a missing cracker at some other place at the table.
What do three dogs and three cats have in common? They both like ice cream.
Does 'I want ice cream' mean 'me is acting in a way to increase the probability of eating ice cream'.
Rational thought forms little islands in a great ocean of inconsistencies and contradictions.
Are all analytic statements tautologies?
I know what I want and I know how to get it. I don't know what I want and I know how to get it. I know what I want and I don't know how to get it. I don't know what I want and I don't know how to get it. I am in a combined state of all four.
The deep dialectical irony of tickling lies in its not being wanted. It introduces the paradox of forced libidinal gratification and is the cognitive basis of authority.
The cry from Harrison Ford to 'believe in the science!' conceals a desire to submit to the authority of some state scientist. Because his authority stems from the mathematical axiom of pure authority.
Kierkegaard claims that when Pythagoras died he broke his years long silence and said "better to be killed than to speak".
Pure mathematics is pure sexual fetish.
The interesting question is the extent to which labour is divided. Why don't we have as many types of job in pin manufacturing as there are workers?
The bureaucratic machinery of men of flesh is already concerned solely with maximising the number of paperclips!
The totality of technology including all computers, the internet, and all machines is less complex than a fly.
The horse that has been broken in is happier. An argument against happiness.
now-here
The pen may be mightier than the sword but it is less delicate.
A choice between two contradictions.
The friends enemies distinction makes objectivity contradictory.
"Scientists say the universe began fourteen billion years ago but actually it was on my birthday" - Schopenhauer.
Ancient cities dissolved into today's oil reserves. Internal combustion engines cremating theatres, lovers and armies.
Contradictions entail explosion but does explosion entail contradiction?
Democracy is a threat to democracy.
One can very easily put one's mouth in opposition to one's body.
If we think of Marx and Freud as opposites due to Freud's emphasis on the ego reconciling itself with the reality of the world in comparison to thesis 11 the Frankfurt school takes on a new Hegelian role as the infinite synthesis of opposing ideas.
The ocean has an extra dimension!
The majority of actual clouds do not have silver linings.
The Sportpalast speech, or Total War speech, resembles Ahab's whipping up of the crew's mania.
Esperanto is at odds with both poetry and philosophy.
The inside of the body is Latinate. The outside is Germanic.
The only thing legitimately good about the UK is the plugs.
If I exist there are others like me.
I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for necessarily being where I am.
Opinions which cleave against the social totality serve the cognitive function of countering the sense of being unhinged which accompanies humanity in liminality.
The dialectic of myth moves to cognitive equilibrium.
Kill any sentence by writing it.
All power is power to change the subject.
Your bull shit is of a less subtle aesthetic than mine.
The trouble with polarisation is you have to write different sentences to irritate different people.
Why does it give me such pleasure to pretend to be a source of useful expertise to you? And you such displeasure?
Comedy is about me. Tragedy is about I.
Comedy is situated in the specific. Tragedy in the universal.
Jokes need a set up. Tragedy needs none.
Every joke is destined to be incomprehensible.
Bacon eggs. Not simply bacon and eggs you understand. Oh no! Eggs made of bacon!
Any time you see multiple words together you must ask to what extent are they coherent or contradictory and related or unrelated. Some examples are 'reason and science', 'liberal democracy', and 'bacon and eggs'.
How can a theory advocate something?
Every definition can work both ways.
Correctly predicting the outcome of an event with two possible outcomes is not huge evidence for your ability to predict the future.
The most controversial opinions regard the purely symbolic objects whose position on the primary axis is most arbitrary.
There is no third element, or indeed higher order pole, in the political left and right because there is a cognitive demand for the fundamental axis along which all opinion may be related.
An opinion positions the speaker in a relation to the social totality and is a claim of position.
Gets to the source of pain fast * * This claim is false.
I'm very sad to hear someone important has died.
Tell me something I do know.
Speaking directly is a kind of double around the bush beating.
Running someone over in an electric car is the ultimate ethical act.
Global warming contains within it its diffusion through ironic distance.
"A critical theory of society which takes into account your position. It criticises the basis of your self conception." - Postone.
To not look is perverted. A dog in its basic innocence would stare.
I flit back and forth between trying to look the nicest and trying to look the most cynical.
Act-speech theory proposes that actions such as driving to the supermarket can be encoded as grammatical sentences beyond the mere description.
No thought can be expressed in a binary choice.
"Did you like the film?" "I don't have experience speaking in that idiom."
If you know what you want then you can never get it because in the world of spirit you can never be tricked.
Deep readings of remarks made from one person to another.
Once you concede the sentence's meaning function is a thin surface a whole infinity of meta-analytical dialectic opens up.
"I talk common sense." "Don't you ever tell the truth?"
Don't mistake an analysis for a preference.
There is only one type of person; those who are a person.
News is like a Bible that changes.
Anti-fuckon.
Imagine a future without cars. You aint gonna get it.
The total now.
I don't want to get off social media; I want to get off on social media.
I identify with a set a of pixel behaviours that can be encoded in the name of an actually existing man.
The smallest possible social element is not hypersexual.
"We are a dyad in the force". The smallest possible social element.
The sentence between 'a' and 'b'.
Supporting a political party is like supporting a football team. It creates and portrays a cognitive scheme in and for the supporters.
Sentences are names for themselves.
The not is the easiest way to introduce the thing.
I'm so nice that I find unniceness disgusting. I'm even nice inside my head. I don't have any disgusting thoughts. I hardly ever think about the worst acts imaginable for instance.
The content of the opinion is irrelevant it is purely a matter of how it dialectically relates to who portrays as holding it.
The animals simply demand to be narrativised.
Is the first sentence, 'a', as pure as the ninth, 'I'? And what of the 4728861376th sentence, 'oh dear'?
I is sentence 9.
The I needs a scheme.
I'm having a real ethical dilemma about which charity it's best to steal from.
Force the press to criticise the state or let them be free to publish obscene state propaganda.
Politically false.
New sentences at midnight.
Reality is a point projection on surfaces of constant time.
"A democratic war means an air war because populations won't vote for the draft."
Don’t be a cunt. But if someone else is being one it is your God given duty to be a bigger one.
Acting in bad faith is wrong but responding to bad faith in good faith is a sin.
In this song there will be heavy use of the words I, me and you.
I am going to mince my sword.
You know good things, bad things. They’re all things.
Christ is the perfectly disagreeable person.
The set of all sentences has cardinality aleph null. The set of all concepts may be bigger.
'The set of all sentences' is the most offensive thing it is possible to say.
The inconsistency is a key feature of the scheme.
The set of all sentences. How could I utter such a gutter of filth?!
Real grief is so much more boring than cinematic grief.
Cognitive equilibrium between opposing apocalypse.
Which fantasy apocalypse do you prefer.
The postmodern Royal Family now serve a purely cognitive function.
The Dalai Lama is the only true aristocrat.
Project an accusation on to others and performatively go too far in the opposite direction.
One man chasing another with a gun. Strain to focus. You realise the man being chased is Tom Cruise. You strain harder and see that the man chasing is Tom Cruise also.
The object is particular; the subject is universal.
Decisions are questions of the form 'what would I do in this situation?'
Thought is inverse time manifest in the idea vacuum created by the information pump.
Food is the primary medium of ideology.
Better to produce piss than consume Champagne.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Do throw the baby out with the amniotic sack water.
You want to find your voice; I want to find my vice.
"Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me."
Social phase transitions
You can choose to make your utility the disutility of others through spite. It would be no less rational.
We're all Christians whether we like it or not. Atheism is not liking it.
God made the world and the Devil made man.
"appetite for buggery"
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth." No. What remains is the possible.
Yes I am a waste of space are you proud of being useful to somebody?
That man is unnecessary is his greatest claim.
There is no capitalised She. Sade uses Her for nature.
"Theory becomes a material force when it grips the masses."
The science of men and the politics of things.
"That is inappropriate." "You who are appropriate I call repellent."
A Grand Unified Excel Spread Sheet (GUESS).
Australia is the pretence of modesty.
If all your ideas are consistent that is proof they are all wrong.
The reason I'm a person is that there is more I in a person than an animal so subjectivity is mostly people so subjectivity tends to find itself in people.
The family is a market failure.
Do all animals have clits.
"It is natural." "It's not that bad."
He took himself out of his theories and made tories.
(Obviously I haven't thought it through)
Utility maximisation provides a definition of utility.
Christ is the exactly one a priori synthetic statement.
Loser manqué
Twitter is a disaster in its raising the possibility of actual democracy.
Those anonymous displays accuse you of secretly holding the obscene content.
Sexuality is the last vestibule of humanity.
No world without a worldview
Art annihilates the immanent critique by manifesting its opposite.
Ideology is the gap between practice and the description of practice.
Yes it will make things worse for me but as long as it makes them even worse for you I'm happy.
"My rights are that part of my power which others have not merely conceded me, but which they wish me to preserve."
"Critique is the holding to account of practice to its professed ideas."
I'm interested in a literary or hermeneutic analysis of scientific articles. That is one that completely ignores the content of the science and solely analyses the ideological assumptions latent in the grammar, style, structure with reference to how they have changed over time.
Put a seed in everyone's brain so that when they die they grow into a tree for the environment.
A madman is someone who is not a hypocrite.
A madman is someone whose ideas are self consistent.
A madman is someone who acts in accordance with his beliefs.
I want the mediocre in charge because they will stand up for the interests of the mediocre. The clever won't stand up for losers like you and me.
If Wilhelm Reich is correct in The Mass Psychology of Fascism that the swastika is a depiction of the primal scene then the Extinction Rebellion logo appears to be a different position where the lovers face each other. It attempts to reconcile the repression.
Terrorphobia
Guilt is bragging to yourself.
"I'm sorry that I'm the greatest." - the basic structure of every apology.
The will is tied up with the death drive. You want your will to survive your death.
Speaking truth to power is a means to flatter power.
Analysis is just impotence with style.
What better way to inscribe your impotence on the world thank to write “fuck power” capitalised.
Those who write to be understood are in the greatest danger of being misunderstood.
My acts in the world are the clearest statement of what I am not.
Treat someone like they are replaceable and make yourself replaceable.
All ideas claim to be universal, sitting in their material nests; the minds of men and their grubby little interests.
Orgasm is the subject in contact with its pure opposite; the anti-I.
All that is liquid solidifies.
Slightly drunk and very stupid.
Fridge.
The NHS is staged by Marxist extremists. All the doctors and nurses and patients are North Korean actors.
You have to be very weird to be as normal as Tom Cruise and vice versa.
The central claim of Star Wars is that your dad dying constitutes a happy ending.
Criticise your enemies for having your worst traits.
As tiresome as a man-poet on beauty.
Grammar hints at ontology.
The culture war; one side has culture and the other does not.
Dogs don’t make mistakes.
The lesser Andrew.
Takes Freud’s claim that a fear is a repressed desire and applying it to claustrophobia.
Who can deny a little superstitious belief that speaking of a global war makes it more likely.
Dolly is in love with Jolene.
Genre trouble.
One aspect of lying that is insulting is the accusation that you are not strong enough for the truth.
Poetry and computer programming are an opposing pair. One the linguistic extreme of anal retention and the other anal expulsion.
The atheists retained the protestant inability to play and obsessional working but rejected all notion of aesthetics.
If there were no objective criteria for the existence of the subjective would that make everything objective?
A computational programming language with grammatical gender.
The human smile demonstrates both aggression and health. The blank expression of Simone De Beauvoir is a meta aggression.
Being anti ideology is close to being anti idea.
The main thing that seems incorrect about George Orwell's 1984 is that the contemporary state encourages promiscuity where he considered it somehow radical.
When Shamima Begum lost her British citizenship we all did.
There is no reason to live in utopia.
Because entertainment cannot give you what you want it must produce ever more complicated ironies to distract you from its failure. Children only can love the dream because they have never tasted the reality.
Explicit language is never explicit it merely contains the common swear words.
Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification (MRP) is a way of using modern statistics to provide a heavy handed metaphor for centrist technocratic politics.
I'm so shocked to find out those eighty year olds died.
Being unfit for office is a requirement of office.
Is it possible to mathematically prove if Grand Theft Auto V is a free market.
Sex is a material dialectical reversal.
Mystifications of mystifications.
Confuse your enemy with high culture. It is like sand in the eye.
If you reverse time, sex, and sexual orientation everything is the same.
In backwards time gay sex is straight sex and vice versa under some further reversal.
A school teacher was talking about electrical charge and said it "is like sex, opposites attract", and I'm not sure if she was using sex to explain electricity or vice versa. What would be the equivalent of Charge-Parity-Time symmetry?
The act of heterosex is the same as the act of homosex if the I is different.
Man is a monophonic instrument. He can utter only one sentence at a time.
Superman wears his pants outside his trousers because he doesn't have genitals or an anus but considers the world to fulfil their excretory function.
I'm vulgar here to demonstrate my ability and willingness to be shat on.
Human Nietzsche.
Statements ushering forth like bullets from the M230 Chain Gun; single-barrel chain-driven autocannon.
In my restrained and castrated habitus I have bubbling within me the capacity to rile others.
I madly swing from one extreme to the other, but in the middle at my fastest speed, I am a liberal centrist.
There is a surface of simplicity that we pass between each other across the table.
All your utterances written on a piece of string that follows the path you travelled from birth to death.
It just occurred to me, twenty three years later, that Zizazig Ah means have an orgasm. And I'm still not satisfied.
Antiphobia
The gutters of London run with these sentences.
Every redecoration of a living room is a kind of murder.
The regulated libidinal drive of the computer game is entirely centred on the death drive. Each new birth a reiteration of the impossibility of satisfaction.
"The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress." What if Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress hate each other?
"If reading the daily paper is modern man's form of prayer, then it is a very strange man indeed who is doing the praying today while reading about these mixed-up affairs." - Bruno Latour.
Global warming lets you enjoy the dream of having the power to kill.
The image to a point like the eye is as much a projection as the flat earth.
My most aggressive act was to acquiesce.
Text spread about you as a thin sphere.
I am an emigrant. Me is an immigrant.
Absolute relativity.
Do you remember that election where everyone called everyone racist.
Sometimes bowel movements feel like great epochal shifts of geopolitical power and vice versa.
I was wandering around searching for the centre of the Universe and then I realised it was in my pocket.
I’m calling on the Archbishop of Canterbury to tell us not to vote Lib Dem.
Just found out that other people can read what you write here.
I predict people wearing the poppy all year.
He walked around in search of the centre only to find he had it in his pocket.
Melancholy realised.
The tiger was climbing the tree above the flood and just at the top of the tree.
He started to spew. The very worst words spilling out. He was drenched in red paragraphs and inchoate screams. Suddenly he saw in his inner life this veneer of pornography covering the sea of sentences. The trees of the forest had been flooded in the filthy language.
The tiger saw his self pity and put one great gash across his chest. "You can cure the eye but not that fresh scar". The infinite sentences flew across the sky like empirical missiles.
The night of his daughter's wedding. He wandered into a forest and fell asleep under an oak. In the morning he looked up at the nightingale nest the master of the twig house sent one shit toward his two eyes.
Stands above the man with nightingale excrement in his eye. Blinded and screaming. She says 'you must find your way out the forest with your eyes stinging'.
There is a horn in the distance. The smaller creatures creep in their holes. Only the mighty tiger remains. She with opposable claws. Stands. And looks toward you coldly.
This is a message from the future. We have planted a seed in your Twitter. It shall yield fruit for you to eat. The animals will climb amongst this new forest.
To add to that catalogue of travesties.
Rejecting another useless scheme.
When people ask me for advice I tell them "please stop the alarm clock I don't want to wake up."
I hate language and take a knife to it.
One bias is framing nastiness as a price to be paid for getting some good when the nastiness can reduce your access to the good.
Judaism is hot water. Christ is the tea bag. Islam is the cup of tea after the tea bag has come out. Atheism is the milk. With a nice chocolate biscuit.
Chewing the Christ sandwich between the atheist bread slices of Islam and Judaism.
Christianity is the greatest religion because it is self evidently ridiculous in Christ. Islam and Judaism are too sensible in their timid and pathetic refusal to put God on Earth.
Sex stopped being enjoyable when it stopped being a sin.
I pulled a hat out of a rabbit. It coughed it up and grew first upward into a top hat then outward in to a sombrero. But it wouldn't stop. Oh God! Lord God this hat shall kill us all. Tis a fallen hat. A demon sent from Hell's gate.
A wall of sentences. Each some new hate filled mouth. Spilling out molten words.
A scientist is someone who enjoys telling children they are stupid.
The antinomy of the necessary being is ideo-material.
Does the burden of proof lie with me when I claim there is a teapot in Mexico City? Why not?
Humanity started in America and they sent actors to England to pretend to their children they have always been there and then to fake the War of Independence as a necessary myth. Stone Henge was made by Walt Disney in a factory in Delaware!
You can't see the trees for the wood.
Pornography is an Enlightenment project.
I poured my repressions on the pages of pornography.
A zoo was just absolutely full to the brim with cages crammed with women called Zoe.
Eating shit is unpleasant. But four kinds of shit are delicious.
What do the dead think about all this?
Brushed his teeth away.
Gary Lineker is obsessed with football. Every sentence he utters must be tortured through the idiom of broadcast professional football.
Just one idea; true myth, repeated again and again expecting different results.
Nature is red in tooth and claw but men wear gloves and clean their teeth.
Ressentiment is luxury resentment.
The pure very.
Actually a semi-serious idea because you aggregate the expertise of everyone else's governments.
"Always historicize!"
Our subjective forms are all the same it is only as objects that we are unique.
'Examining my own biases every day' is intellectual masturbation.
On what can I blame my worst aspects? It seems sentimental to blame myself.
What kind of subject is being forged?
Imagine unbiased satire.
Sentence dump complete.
"Part of the difficulty of analysing the concept of nothing is there is no settled position on how to conjugate the verb to noth."
You can accept your own death but not that the world doesn't also perish in the process.
Apocalypse is our utopia.
The light bulb eventually blows on every Enlightenment project.
Its the lack of hypocrisy I can't stand.
What would unfree will look like? Or free unwill? Or unfree unwill?
Incessant shifting of topic.
Keeping everything as it is would require too many changes.
You know you've made it as an intellectual when you write a moronic book outside your field.
Imagine if you listened through your nostrils and smelt through your ears.
Critique of the Gotham City Programme.
The will field.
Can you imagine having intelligence without will?
Not shall we do this but what are we doing.
Someone who knows what they think is someone who doesn't know what they think.
Hide your most outrageous statements in swathes and swathes of bland tautologies.
The compensation for bodily decline is mental failure.
Reason is the ability to append sets of sentences with new sentences without changing truth mappings. It cannot generate new truths.
The freedom to lack an analysis.
The most disgusting sentence ever written is the first line of Hawking's A Brief History of Time; "We are each here for but a short time". A cliché mangled and spat on the floor.
"A mania for schematising"
Modernity is passé.
Are these ideas coherent. How do they relate.
I say things which aren't true you understand.
Mass is the creation of information.
Computational irreducibility dictates the rate of time.
It is not that entropy increases with time. Time is the increase in entropy. Every clock creates information.
Humour is at once the song of the harmless and the siren of tyrants.
Agreement is the face of cruelty.
What would Jesus have done if they hadn't crucified him? It would have been a catastrophe for him.
There is a singular internal state coincident with each fake performance.
Create the weakness by accusing others of harbouring it.
Apex ressentiment.
Mental revolution is intellectual pornography.
It is a pretentious and bombastic apparition of a scheme.
The animal that cannot be made obsolete.
Man orbits truth like a moth circles a flame.
Sartre's remark that the period in which he wrote Nausea was the happiest in his life.
When you see the word love written on a public space consider the naming of the Colt Peacemaker.
To go beyond the apology. Too far beyond.
I am the very worst. He who has an accurate self understanding and can state it plainly.
Anti-intellectualism must form its own intellectual scheme. The ontology requires a new order of meta-thought.
The humiliated child within me fully understands anti-intellectualism. The riddles that coincide with material power.
My job is to reproduce the social relations that entail my job.
Carrots are edible. Imagine if I said poison instead of carrots. The sentence would have a new truth value. I think this is an argument.
My great skill as a writer is to produce sentences which illicit the response 'Are you ok?'
Every brag proclaims 'I am a cancer on this Earth'.
This seed of weakness which grows into a monstrosity. Like a cancer not on you but on the earth.
The Gospels are the first forever modern texts.
Isn't it a little bit too much of a coincidence that of all the possible worlds, I just happen to be in the one that exists.
It seems a bit of a coincidence that it just happens to be the exact time that I’m alive in order to experience time.
I’m someone I’m not.
Regret is the effect of turning two possibilities into one reality.
Taxing the richest may lead to no change in their consumption and therefore have no impact on reallocating labour.
The actors must be spared labour because our dreams must be elevated above the workplace.
The television series Breaking Bad (Vince Gilligan, 2008-2013) is a protestant's dream of working and saving. c.f. The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism (Max Weber, 1905)
To stare with a psychopathic coldness at all the irony and humour of the world.
At the extremes libertarians and Marxists are identical and opposite.
Might there be a distinction between adult human females, adult female humans, human adult females, human female adults, female adult humans, and female human adults. The gender critical may have inadvertently created six new genders.
“I frittered my life away. But what is life for if not frittering away?” - Robert Ormsby.
The cigarette is a substitute nipple but the cigar stands in for a penis.
The best compromises allow both sides to fail while retaining their delusions.
Not only were you betrayed. But the very cause of your being was betrayal!
I have non-conformist opinions on the same fraction of topics that the average citizen takes non-conformist positions. It would be too non-conformist to take conformist positions on every topic!
The terrible dread that we are heading towards some unknown world historical event.
The return of the Schreber case.
"Figure is the only thing which always follows colour" "Colour is an effluence of form, commensurate with sight, and palpable to sense." - Meno
If your I is not willing to criticise your self then your I considers itself beneath your self which is a form of modesty.
You shouldn't compare yourself to those who are sharing their perfect lives on social media. You should compare yourself to Alexander the Great.
Is it possible to have an opinion?
When I grow up I want to be a member of the Professional Managerial Class.
"Facts don't care about your feelings." Is that because caring is a feeling?
Christians ruined pleasure by taking away the guilt.
Enjoying my morbid symptoms.
Every I is identical. There is exactly one I.
It is a constant battle to not descend into hysterically self-questioning.
The cult of the median begets monomania.
"Sometimes, a hard heart is a sign of a soft head."
What if God is a masochist and enjoyed being on the cross?
Why is the immortality of the Home Alone burglars comic but that of Michael Myers horrifying? Is it the difference between a child boy and an adult woman?
The ‘brightest and best’ are the dullest and worst.
How many unique things are there?
It took me no effort to form this opinion but I’m weirdly aggressive in my clinging to it.
When you read a book every sentence is written by the same person. When you read Twitter every sentence is written by a different person.
Why do I think what I do? Do I diverge from the median of the smallest sets I belong to?
The I field.
Antiannihilation
More dense than the seventy pages Hegel dedicates to calculus.
Adversarial neural networks are the first step toward dialectical thought. I am the antinomy.
My first assumption is the opposite is true.
The subject is a representation of the necessary contact between ideas and things.
Antichristianity is taking Jesus at his word.
Hegel came before Kant and King Henry VIII came before Jesus in logical order.
Follow your nightmares. They’re more interesting.
The return to self-imposed nonage.
Twitter is a laboured metaphor for Plato’s cave.
What is a subject?
Steven Pinker is working on a seven hundred page book arguing that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
The grammar of my vulgarity can trip me up.
My mother said I was a beautiful flower. Does she mean that I reproduce by having a bumble bee land on my dick, arouse me to ejaculation and transport my semen in to a woman's pussy? Freedom of speech may have been a mistake.
Women are more masculine than men. That is their weakness.
Palm trees look like frozen fireworks.
I accidentally f*cked someone by being too polite to fuck them.
Sex is multiplicative.
+
L+
Living the nightmare.
I once didn’t make a mistake.
Every plot is the death of a parent.
Arnold Schwarzenegger had to get such big muscles to compensate for leaving his pants on. Steroids is the price he paid for the prudishness and pornography of the culture industry.
Better a failed catastrophe than a successful one.
The return of the modern.
An intellectual is someone who lacks the intelligence to doubt their opinions.
I want to have my cake and eat it and sell it and fuck it and squeeze it between my fingers in a grotesque libidinal excess. Rubbed in to my essence and flowing ever outward to infinity forever.
The idea of communism is a necessary feature of capital. The two will die together like Romeo and Juliet.
Man is a beautiful failure. Forever liminal.
Any sentence which draws nothing from any other before or after contains nothing.
Can we build a new town in the afterlife that neither has any of the annoying Christians in nor the Devil burning us with boiling acid?
Facts have to choose whether to become truths or myths.
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." - opening line of Call of Cthulhu.
Pretending to disagree is more vicious than actual disagreements.
Psychological splitting is written on the world in politics.
Unironically think that Orwell's doublethink is a good. If you can't hold opposite ideas in your thoughts you can't think at all.
I'm up wing.
I want to have my cake and eat it and sell it.
My straw men are my most adored delusions.
He was frightened that if he understood his sexuality he would destroy the mystique which was its essential component.
Subject oriented ********
The principle antinomy is the necessary component of being.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." The definition of laziness is doing the same thing once and then stopping.
You can measure the quality of a teacher by how much his students hate each other.
Hypercuck.
The water stands in opposition to the pipe.
The mean is the preferred metric of the powerful. The median is the preferred metric of the weak.
"How would you rate your satisfaction with Utopia?" "Neither satisfied nor dissatisfied."
I have twenty five bathrooms. Twenty four plastic bottles. And a kettle.
Your critical self examination is your ego virtue signalling to your super ego.
Still loving the understatement in “still not loving police”.
Sort the truth from the facts.
Since “consensus is a necessary condition for irony” total irony is the claim to total consensus. The impossibility of new claims.
There is exactly one gender. That is de Beauvoir’s position.
Forgive her for she knows not who she quotes.
I turned the other cheek because I had a special death laser hidden in it.
All theories are shit. And I have a shit fetish.
The pure very.
Man at inflection.
Time is continuous in entropy space.
The commodity is born.
You can specify a position in three dimensional space with one number. But the number is not continuous in actual movement.
The counter Enlightenment is the ultimate Enlightenment project.
The sentence "Dogs and cats are both animals" would also be true in a world where dog meant cat and cat meant dog and animals meant alive. So there are multiple sets of mappings.
After her parents died she was forced to rebel against her children.
The aesthetic of utility.
My favourite lists are those that include only Beethoven, Einstein and myself. Every set has an infinite number of definitional lists that map to it.
My disgusting prejudices in themselves are ugly but the structure of wild reasonings and delusion I have constructed to justify them are grander and more sublime than any European cathedral.
They mean the irony earnestly; they really are nihilists.
Do throw the baby out with the amniotic sac water.
A word is that which can dampen sexual arousal.
Language is the inconsistency in sexual fantasy.
The mapping of every sentence to its truth value. Would this mapping entail other necessary features? Does this form some closed set in the realm of ideas which contains the physical world as a point within it.
Evolution is a mythological supplement to distract yourself from your primal scene.
The exact moment the child's innocence is lost is when he discovers his cause.
Christianity claims that the dick is the absence of genitals.
I'm like Jesus; I'm a filthy liar.
"Postmodernism is an incredulity to all metanarratives" - Lyotard.
I am the surface which separates the realm of ideas from the physical world. I am shaped like a man and so is every I therefore there is some singular repeated contact between the realms manifest in the third excluded middle mental world.
Christ thus forms the surface which separates the physical from the realm of ideas. To claim that surface is shaped like a man is central.
The I is pure nothing like empty space in encodes all existence. But it is an ontological nothing and not a physical nothing.
If I believed that lie I would hate those who didn't believe. How could you possibly refrain from hating someone who thinks that God is a liar.
Christ saying he is the son of God must be the greatest lie ever told. Does this give it a kind of ontological necessity. The fundamental lie told by the impossible I.
I have a great talent for believing I'm talented against all odds and evidence.
Situating yourself in the scheme requires a fictional conception of the scheme.
Truth is the combination of a fact and a myth.
Intellectual movements are never logically complete. The coalescence of statements can not be reduced to a finite set of axioms.
Marx and Freud are both Enlightenment projects in that they posit everything to be understandable from a scientific vantage. Obviously science itself uses the scientific method but the counter Enlightenment posits that some things are not best understood using these tools.
Get life done.
The text of a film is in opposition to the image.
What you are explains itself in the opposites that flow from your mouth.
Free to choose to reduce your freedom like Odysseus tying himself to the mast.
Private property is a curb on free markets because it imposes friction on labour movement.
It’s just first order.
Making things is easy its making nothing that’s hard.
You know what really annoys people who are trying to annoy you? It’s when you get really really annoyed.
I’m nice. Oh no, I mean I’m not nice.
Contemporary culture doesn’t finish.
True and not False, not False and True, True and False, and not True and not False.
Is undecidability a form of excluded middle.
"What do you think about the free market?" "I think it would be a very good idea."
"I can offer sensible stewardship". "God help us."
There is only one surprise in life and that is sexuality.
The subject is encoded in the object.
I is a social construct.
Why are you saying there will be real change when we both know there actually will be real change.
"You're doing that wrong." "I knew that because I was doing it."
I'm a self made man. I don't have a mum. I don't eat food. I am just some sort of self-fulfilling fuel. There was nothing and then I made I.
You tried to make yourself look good by making some outrageous brag under the assumption that only a loser would brag like that and only a cool guy would be willing to say they are a loser?
Look. I'm sorry, but I lack any insight or meaningful analysis. Simply infantile.
"Your policies are economically illiterate." "Better to be economically illiterate than economically innumerate."
The strange thing about the Labour slogan "it's time for real change" is that it implies there won't be any change in its vapid cliché but there actually will be a change!
What is your favourite out of change, real change, and real change you can believe in?
Infantile is what you say when you can’t think of a specific criticism.
“Essence must appear” - Hegel, Science of Logic.
We must create the pretence that somebody is outraged.
Nobody knows what they look like?
A voyage of self concealment.
Movies are repressed pornography. Pornography is the repression of the repression.
The lesser of two Elvis.
Common sense is neither common nor sensible.
Goodness is an inability to imagine power.
Protestantism cannot be universalised because you cannot have all savers and no consumers.
If lovers produce a work of art they tell the world that their love is not a work of art.
A cigarette mark on a coat can last longer than a human life.
You may think seriously but only about trivialities.
Do not speak dead of the ill.
One tragedy of politics is you can’t count on your enemies to oppose you.
Humour can be an attempt to make critique impossible.
Where a physical site of contestation is denied us we must retreat into imaginary fights.
I apologise is the last attempt to avoid saying I’m sorry.
Get Brexit done means get Brexit done.
complaining is superstitious
can i do passive microaggresions
Being able to hold contradictory beliefs is a necessary feature of thought.
Artists portray the impossible because they lack the imagination to portray the possible.
The best thing that can be said about me is that I'm not fit to be Prime Minister.
The language of pitches being high and low is the one universal synaesthesia.
Science dodges the question of what matters by busying itself with the question of what matter does.
“The whole of English Darwinism breathes something like the musty air of English overpopulation, like the smell of the distress and overcrowding of small people” - The Gay Science.
Yes I am brainwashed. Are you proud of your dirty brain?
Paradigm shit.
My id card is proof of the seething incongruent will at the heart of my being.
Everyone should have an id account, and ego account, and a superego account.
If it doesn't hurt you're not thinking.
I am all men.
Is Mock the Week an intentional homophone on Mock the Weak? It must have occurred to them and yet what do they mean by that? Is it sarcastic like 'obviously we don't punch down' or just like 'yeah we punch down'?
Query is a portmanteau of queer theory.
Culture is the nozzle through which the internet seeps out into the world like puss from a spot squeezed by the artist.
Immaculate contraception.
All thought is a means to deny the primal scene.
God can have a shit, get erections, bleed, and die but the one thing he can not do is have parents that had sex.
Carbon seeks to replace labour as the king of commodities.
The reason I’m so bad at argument is I can never remember what my position is.
Sin doesn’t exist. Also, you are classifying things as sinful that are not sinful.
Sentences are acts of pride. The sentence free of pride is the empty sentence.
Saying you are great to say you are nothing. Saying you are nothing to say you are great.
Bare faced truth speaker.
Terrible conclusions are easy to hold at a distance of one line of reasoning.
To be proud is one thing. But to be proud of being proud?
Just occurred to me that the thing about Gay Pride designed to irritate the Christians is not the gay part but the pride which is the cardinal sin.
Chimpanzees are snobs.
I predicate (subject predicate object)
It is prohibited to deny that which amplifies your ego.
Debate is the space between the median and the actual.
Actors don't act.
This is not the agora.
Digital media has prohibited ignorance. Ignorance of the filthy scheme of modernity that would make thought possible.
You are both ashamed of and brag about the exact same thing.
"How little you know of human happiness, you comfortable and benevolent people, for happiness and unhappiness are sisters that grow up together or, as in your case, remain small together." - The Gay Science.
A dog pursues happiness. And I am not a dog.
Those who relish calling others cunts are merely pathetic. But those of us who wallow in our own cunthood are true degenerates.
Speaking as your lord and master I find your petty lives offensive in their modesty.
The middle class enjoy Rugby because violence is prohibited in our bureaucratic workplaces.
Sex is the self-reflexive fetish.
Alienated libido.
Administered libido.
Satire affirms the positive through the depiction of the implied and necessary negative.
Class is better at categorising money than people.
(You know it's not normally distributed when the mean, median, and mode are all different.)
The right has a kind of fetish for the normal distribution but income isn't normally distributed.
Focus on billionaires is weirdly contingent on arbitrary currency value. What you probably want to look at is the income distribution and use something like median rent as a fiducial marker.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning.
"Science doesn't think"
You think I'm disgusting? You should see it from the inside you have no idea!
The most catastrophic errors are those closest to the truth.
Bathing in the administered life.
What would it take to delete the totality of digital media?
Borders are used where landlords don’t provide the service of exclusion.
To build up such ill-repute amongst friends and family that you can denounce anything simply by advocating it.
What does self-evident mean?
I’m most proud of my laziness.
The definition “could have done otherwise” is not Popper falsifiable.
Can one reason from the cogito to the material as the only means to represent an I.
Jo Swizson
The silence is deafening. Sorry did I say the silence I meant this ship’s fog horn.
Act-speech practice/speech-act theory.
“My wife is in the drive with an ass in her cock” - Boogie Nights.
“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you” - Kurt Cobain cf “Just because your wife is sleeping with another man, your jealousy is still pathological” - Lacan.
Nature is propaganda.
“As long you are happy.” “Keep your filthy words out of my ears.”
“... the whole crimson melancholy of the happy” - The Gay Science
To castrate oneself is to attack the very root of symbolic law. To overcome the final constraints and touch the infinite.
I is the enemy within myself.
Self harm on the body is uninteresting. Self harm on the mind is the highest ideal.
We most hate in others their transformation.
My hysterical self questioning is alienated to someone who has a genuine talent and passion for it.
A purchase is a form of birth.
My CV is a list of personality disorders.
"Spinoza ist ein gott-trunkener Mensch"
Why aren’t there any trillionaires?
I don’t punch down. I fire down air to surface missiles from my Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II.
In the old system it would have been a billiardaire.
The bible is absolutely full of genocide, rape, and murder but there also some boring bits.
In the old system where a billion was a million million a thousand million was called a billiard. There was also trilliard etc.
I think it is time we considered changing the age above which you can vote to 62.
I can get along with most parts of Christianity apart from the monogamy, the charity, and the not being able to randomly knock people’s hats off.
Hypergrammar.
Everything about Christianity is disgusting and obscene. That’s what I like about it.
The strongest repression returns as a repulsive and explosive pornography.
Cummings and goings.
Are Cummings the produce of cumming? I.e. semen for men and a kind of slime for women?
Aristotle's Organon was the original text on unconscious bias.
"Can we have a rational and civilised debate leading up to the election?" "I was thinking more along the lines of making it fucking vicious." "You make an interesting point."
The passage from fallacy to bias is the passage from logic to probability.
I form my opinions based on a rational analysis of my material self interest and everyone else makes them up out of a mixture of their stupidity and just generally being a dick head?
Good God I like chatting shit.
I shit out all the matter my body no longer needs and I spit out all the sentences my mind no longer needs.
Christ annihilates antichrist in a burst of pure libidinal energy.
I chose atheism as a child because it appeared the more aggressive stance. If Christianity wants to make a counter-offer and let me be even more of an asshole I'll consider.
Judaism + Christ = Christianity Christianity - Christ = Islam Judaism + Christ - Christ = Islam.
Christianity is the materialist religion. The only one where God literally shits on earth.
I isn't a man but me is.
My universalism expressed through self-repulsion is my brag of dominance.
The central myth of sport is equality.
Humanity today is facing an unprecedented threat. It may be too late but we all need to do everything we can to deal with the existential problem of overly careful use of language by American undergraduates.
In a sense every evening you fire them all then hire them back in the morning.
Conservative campaigning is beautiful in its symmetry. Campaign on cutting cops one year then on hiring them back the next. When you cut them it has no impact on crime when you get them back it reduces crime.
The reason you never see the negative money is people secretly throw it away.
Four hours to Brexit.
Do you want to sort it or get it done?
Lets get Brexit done. So we can move on to the next ten years of Brexit negotiations.
In some rooms the adults are awful.
I’d have been Jesus’ mate that cut the guards ear off with a sword!
Disney films gave me unrealistic expectations about jump cuts in visual experience.
Why aren't we planning the prank to pull on aliens if they arrive?
S.P.E.C.T.R.E. is a category error.
I demonstrates dominance through hysterical self-questioning.
Sanity is universal. Madness has an identity.
Speaking as an identity-less universal super-I, I wear self-repulsion as the hyper-brag scum.
Every feature has a pair of adjectives describing the good parts and the bad parts.
The pure I against the will.
The will to power is a tautology. It cannot be free. Like mass and gravity will falls toward power. What is free is the negation of will.
If I was the son of God I too would be a filthy layabout.
No specific scientific advance made belief in Christ impossible. Virgin birth was as incredible a thousand years ago as yesterday. Let's not be sentimental about intellectual shifts.
My thinking is so subtle. So beautiful. That it can only be expressed in gurgles and raspberries.
Rational Kantian equilibrium.
Every fried egg is a failed chicken.
The equality of every individual unit of money. The diversity of every product.
The mythology of zero. The un it.
The destruction of myth was carried out by cinema which seeks to annihilate fiction.
In Popper's Poverty of Historicism he critiques the possibility of social science because any theory becomes a part of the thing studied. Could there be equilibrium social theories which can explain systems of which they are a part.
Debate is popular because it is easier to reason from some preassigned position than to reason to it.
The stylistic and formal features of a given sport are those that are lacking in the faction that supplies its supporters.
Money is cinema and labour is pornography.
It is not that I love money but that money is love and love is money.
Understanding is the worst quality in a person that you want to use.
Why is labour the most valuable commodity? Because it is the inverse of will.
The dialectic is to self harm. To attack your thought with extreme prejudice. Take the sword to every inch and anything that remains stands the best chance of being sound.
The word should is repulsive. Cut it from all your thought with utmost brutality. It is a weed which parasitically consumes mental energy.
Why don't people exchange their children?
Hierarchical sets of individuals motivated to influence other's motivations forming a dynamical hyper-set equilibrium. Hyper-Chicago School economics!
If the material interests of the individual can be subordinated to the interests of some set of individuals through simple payment one then has the game theoretics of rational choice sets of individuals.
It is impossible to be pretentious because we partake in the absolute infinity and the infinite cannot be said be bigger than it is.
Sapere non aude.
Disappointed is the normal state of affairs because we have been cursed with notion of utopia.
The culture war will always be a cold war because poets don’t handle guns as well as pens.
Hegel wasn’t sufficiently Hegelian. Me neither.
All I ever wanted was to be misunderstood.
I have never had a thought significant enough to be rendered all capitals or with full stops after every word.
I can read any individual word but sentences elude me.
The body naturally hates intellectualism. That is its primary bigotry. Overcoming it is a kind of nausea unto death.
In order to be transcended ressentiment must be passed through. It must be sublated!
Had an epiphany that the scientific method is founded on immanent critique.
Nothing is sustainable.
An Englishman in a Chinese restaurant in Germany. So many floating signifiers.
What is finding a needle in a haystack compared to finding a haystack in a needle?
Reviewer 2 is their own harshest critic.
The beauty of capitalism is you get to choose how you fail.
You can't have properly good sex until your dad is in the ground.
In what multidimensional space would people cluster in groups we would colloquially associate with class?
Dialectical equilibrium.
Inverted to politeness in private and vulgarity in public.
But I got ready for Brexit by clicking three buttons on a website! Was that for nothing?
"My rights - are that part of my power which others have not merely conceded me, but which they wish me to preserve." - Nietzsche.
Whatever we is most useful to me.
It's fair! I'm fucked.
What EU country could be bribed to veto extension at last minute?
Why not canned crying on TV tragedies?
Basic ditch.
Ditch means Ditch.
Don't do and don't die?
Indulgences offsetting.
They could make a deal and say ok we pass your deal and leave if you die in a ditch.
To be fair if I would rather be dead in a ditch than some thing happening and then that thing happens I don't necessarily both want to have that thing and also be dead in a ditch. It just means I would be less happy with the situation than if I were dead in a ditch.
Could the Conservatives have a deal with some EU nation to veto the extension at the last minute? Paranoid?
I'm a content destroyer.
Carbon dioxide is the inverse of human labour.
Schrödinger's pussy is both a cat and a vagina at the same time.
Have we really ruled out the possibility of Brexit on Thursday? If somehow it happens it would have to be by some genuinely cunning ploy.
The answer that is most formally aggressive depends not just on the question itself but the moment it is asked.
You can only turn to the obscene once.
The aim of a democracy should be to prevent history.
Is it possible that even “do no harm” taken to extremes could be barbaric.
“The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs.” - C.S. Lewis cf rules to make AI safe. “You might think love of humanity in general was safe, but it is not” - ibid.
You gotta love men for the sheer theatrical ingratitude of crucifying God’s only son.
Killing the son of God was a high risk strategy.
negative humour
The internal contradictions sustain the whole by denying the repulsive impossibility of a total scheme.
I need your misery in order to enjoy my sentimentalism.
A deeply cynical model of electoral equilibrium based on the assumption that the marginal gains of a given vote are associated with appearances to those close by in social networks.
Voting is superstitious. That is not an argument against voting but for superstition.
Better to hate them and help them than love them and hurt them.
Pity is taking pleasure in your superiority.
God tried to make nothing and failed.
Is move backwards and mes move forward.
"Now if I fuck this model, And she just bleached her asshole, And I get bleach on my T-shirt, I'mma feel like an asshole" - The Greatest Artist of All Time.
How can we design AI so that it doesn't spend all its time on Twitter and waste its life?
Utility maximisation, survival of the fittest, and the labour theory of value are all tautologies. All a priori. All useful.
I is the utility function.
Equilibrium materio-ideas.
The moment e-cigarettes removed the health impact of cigarettes they lose there erotic attachment to the death drive and we lose interest.
Are planes cheaper than trains because they go faster so labour per distance is lower?
Idea for new company that washes blood off your hands by paying someone else to wash blood off their hands for the same crime you committed.
Everyone is right if you wait long enough.
THE TRUTH IS IN HERE
There is surprisingly little popularity for my anyone can fire anyone idea.
You say free will is an illusion because the laws of physics prohibit it; I say the laws of physics are an illusion because free will prohibits it.
If you love everything you love nothing.
Consciousness is in backwards time.
Time is a metric space on the number of possible worlds. Each world is a time from the singular zero entropy state.
The beginning is the singular zero entropy state.
The government has to *do* something. Best to keep it occupied.
Is it more sinister going up a river (Heart of Darkness/against nature) or down one (Deliverance/with nature).
The fixed term parliaments act has drastically shifted power from the government to the opposition. Asking the opposition for permission to have an election doesn't look like power.
The pleasurable thrusting is tragic and the orgasm is farce.
We all know the real purpose of the toilet soap is so you can imagine someone coming in your hand twice a day.
It takes too much mental energy to not be offensive.
When a man says “I’m punching above my weight” I ready my fist in repulsion.
We voted for chaos, not efficient execution of government. Lets get on with it and deliver the constitutional crisis we so desperately need. Unironically.
What would will without freedom look like?
You’re just describing your room.
Nobody thinks the scientific method isn’t the best way to do science. The counter-enlightenment concerns its application to the realm of subjects.
The catastrophe of progress.
Satirist to the highest king in the land.
Comedy is the withholding of pornography.
Who most generally signifies abstract spite?
I put my watch on the wrong hand and accidentally woke up when I went to sleep.
Leonardo Da Vinci's overrated sfumato technique is just to hide his shoddy lines. I do all my drawings with a ruler to make sure they are perfectly neat and tidy.
I have very thick skin on my feet so insult them all the time. But I'm very nice to my eyelids.
A mirror for sentences.
When you die you just bounce back and live your life in reverse and the whole time feel like you have free will then you born and bounce back and back forever.
In backwards time objects become subjects and subjects become objects.
In backwards time they make films imagining what it would be like to go forwards in time. "Eughh but then you could have a baby son with your own husband!"
In backwards time to effects cause causes?
.On nth thought
The past is entirely determined by the present but the future is not determined by the present.
If you need twenty words to describe it it is too complicated. One word is too many. If you can't describe it in one letter, you're toast.
Can you set odds using no knowledge about the world and only the sales of a given odd. If it sells well it is underpriced.
A good idea brings about the conditions for it to be a bad idea.
Because I studied that I know I don't understand it. I prefer to talk about things I don't know I don't understand yet.
Making love is filthy and vulgar. Fucking is God's work.
To choose what you are denied.
The final episode of nineties prank show Beadle's About! Beadle's About! involved replacing every atom in the universe with a prank one that obeys the laws of 'quantum mechanics'. An elderly Beadle (who faked his 2008 death) will jump out at the ceremony for the 2025 Nobel Prize
The signature of modernity is the notion of a true self.
Doubly bad faith.
I read a scientific article that began with the word nowadays and feel faintly sick.
Institutions that have become increasingly hostile to orthodox thought.
In the dialectic of body and mind to have a different body is to have a different mind and vice versa.
Artificial Nature.
The contradictory animal.
"the identity of identity and non-identity"
Observation is somewhere between reading and writing.
Humour is a phase transition between two objects.
The mental world is the excluded middle between the physical world and the Platonic world of ideas. And all rotations therein.
Galileo said the world doesn't move but didn't sign it.
True is negligible. False is infinite.
Survival of the fittest is a tautology so how can it be a piece of science. It is an a priori analytic statement.
“I told you so!” “No, I knew I would regret it when I did it.”
Evolution made incongruity funny because individuals that find flaws in theories are more likely to survive through having better theories.
I'm Dominic Cumming's adviser.
"We need to do what's best for this country." "Which country is that again?"
The mental world is an interface between the physical world and the Platonic world of ideas.
The central thesis of Star Trek is that if there were total abundance we would necessarily be militarised.
Could technology facilitate the end of civilisation in the form of a return to small independent groups. Replicators and unlimited energy would negate the utility of trade.
Dunbar explained the Dunbar number informally as "the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar". Well, that's obviously zero.
Negative physics.
I want a coffee and would have been willing to pay full price but get a pound off if I get my discount card but know that when I get to my flat I won't be bothered to come back so because I have the card I don't get the coffee. For a second this felt like a profound paradox.
I feel an oblique strategy brewing in my soul. Oh no, oh god no.
"You know nothing about Irish history!" "Yes, but in my defence I know nothing about British history either."
Anonymous source is a euphemism for shit.
A name space and a grammar space.
Can you exchange a namespace on a set of sentences to arbitrarily target any truth value array.
Does quantum mechanics break the law of the excluded middle.
“If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics.” - Richard Feynman. If you think you don't understand it you also don't understand it. If you think you are in a state of both understanding it and not then you do understand it and don't.
Why can't you wake up twice.
If the fact that we obey the laws of physics prohibits free will is that because of a law in particular or the fundamental nature of laws? Could we discover an unlaw of physics?
Why can’t you open your eyes twice?
Why is there only one reality?
History is on the wrong side of me.
People who are really good at their jobs don't have time to be good at their jobs.
"I'm fed up!" - foie gras.
Between Frozen and Frozen 2 was there a Melted.
That's 6000 Gigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigagigabytes.
Is there some unity between the absolute idea and what is the case?
Science explains exactly nothing. That is its greatest achievement.
Movement is the state dream because it costs.
Ambition can only lead to the gutter.
As long as compounds are spoken of the total compound all may be uttered.
Throw it away and make it eternal.
Politics like nature has no narrative. That is grafted on top by the documentary.
Do you want to say sorry? I’m going to answer the question are you a cunt. My answer is yes.
To reject the framing of the question is always the most aggressive response.
The UK parliament reminds me of my teenage self. Answer everything in the most aggressive and sarcastic way possible. And I say that as a compliment. We should do the same in all elections. Multiple choice disobedience.
To utter a single word is to claim God exists.
A real atheist never says I but a true atheist says nothing at all.
Reading is superstitious.
I don’t insist on logical consistency in my own speech otherwise I would say nothing.
Electoral systems cannot be democratic.
If they look good their function is propaganda.
The UK rules the world in passive aggression.
The UK government is Bartleby. "I'd prefer not to."
"Do you believe in ghosts?" "I am one."
"He wrote about a film he hadn't seen!" "Yeah but people still write about Henry VIII and he hasn't been seen for some time."
What is cruel about the market is it tells the truth. It is kindest when it lies.
Jesus said to love your enemies. He didn’t say there was anything wrong with hating your friends.
We all hate solutions. They do not properly honour problems.
Contrary to popular opinion the more you know the more you realise you know.
“You cannot understand Marx if you do not first understand Hegel’s Science of Logic.” - Lenin. Well, I won’t be understanding Marx then.
The true meaning of a thing is the adverts that appear alongside it. If there are none it is simply irrelevant
You shall be punished for yielding to punishment.
Our I and our me.
Contradicategories
"The I is the category of contradictory categories." "Me neither!"
The I is not merely a contradiction but the contradiction.
Culture allows us to enjoy mourning what we will never have.
The cruel irony of fish soup.
The culture of my generation was a failure because it did not respond to the failure of my generation.
I prefer my failures to my successes because they have the stink of truth about them.
All the best things are fake.
When you are fifteen you think Marx is going to be exciting revolution and violence then it turns out it is boring economic debates about statistical evidence for the tendency of the rate of profit to fall.
Werner Herzog’s characterisation of the first half of Barbie (Greta Gerwig, 2023) as “pure Hell” is complimentary given the history of artistic representations of it. He elevates Gerwig to Dante, Bosch, or van Eyck.
One reading of Poor Things (Yorgos Lanthimos, 2023) is that the infant child was male and central character is a “man in a woman’s body”.
Performance must be self aware to some extent. It must have a latent theory of its material production. But like all self consciousness it is capable of delusion.
If you're not a hypocrite you're a fanatic.
Take play seriously and life whimsically.
Nietzsche and Wittgenstein hated each other and Wittgenstein's holiday in the Norway cabin was a sarcastic impression of Zarathustra.
Wars in films are less entertaining than wars in newspapers.
The sitcom Friends was originally going to be called Quakers.
Trade is overrated. I'm halfway through making a new laptop out of dirt and my bare hands and I have no reason to believe it will be inferior to my old MacBook Pro 13 inch.
He succeeded despite never being told he couldn't achieve anything.
“This is a BIG moment.” “Is it bigger than any of the other moments?” “No, but moments are pretty darn big things.”
“Be yourself the change you want to see in the world.” - Gandhi. “Be yourself the status quo you want to see in the world.” - Status Quo.
I’m sick and tired of being up all night vomiting.
Hypocrisy is strength.
A nod to plagiarism.
The Philosophy of Poverty The Poverty of Philosophy The Poverty of Historicism The Historicism of Poverty The Historicism of Philosophy etc...
The interface between obscenity and decency.
Searching for a total scheme in the absence of a total scheme.
Why is there nothing rather than something?
Argue for the thing and its opposite as mass passive aggression.
Give us the means and we'll humiliate ourselves.
The mystification must claim the thing can exist in and of itself without its necessary requirements.
Inverted language is language for the wants of the audience.
You can’t have rainbows without bows.
The meaning of life is the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
My life is a joke and not a good one.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to where you were yesterday if you had been POTUS.
I give zero shits. But shit is zero. And what does this have to do with Coke Zero?
Two visions of politics as a clash of opposing faction's material interests and a battle of ideas become the signs of the two factions.
"I'm passionate about my work." "Are you also alienated from your love affairs."
The meta animal.
The exact moment that passionate moved from meaning full of emotional intensity to has internalised wage slavery and alienated the very spirit.
With enough money everything is fictional.
The whole river is a waterfall of varying degrees of gentleness.
The mean sentence.
A bad actor is one who diverges from cliche by one millimetre.
I'm not frightened to tell it like it is. But I do lack the necessary analytical framework to understand it like it is.
Satire is a corollary of parliament.
A satire of social relations is impossible.
A brief candle in the dark as a metaphor for the shortness of human life puts your mind in the position of an eternal Mind so is arrogant.
Darwinian evolution elevated them.
What is the difference between dialectical materialism and regular materialism?
The world is about television.
So what you’re saying is she doesn’t want to be close to gold but away from a lack of gold.
The truth is irrational.
I constructed my analysis to serve my interests and my interests are rarely served by the truth.
Imagine a world free of delusion. It would be a nightmare.
Yes it is different but why?
Television is about television.
The television is on all the time but the internet is on all the space.
I am a model of the world searching for a hole in it unaware the hole is I.
I’m working on an experiment to determine if I have free will, unfree will, free unwill, or unfree unwill.
We are against each other and both know we’re heading for catastrophe but not which of us will cause it and so neither how we might prevent it.
The “laws of physics” lol.
Where in the scheme does one put Waluigi?
Sajid Javid’s reading of Ayn Rand is a performance of idiocy and philistinism.
Orthodox idiosyncrasy.
The spectacle of unfreedom manifests in disobedience.
A law prohibits but doesn’t assert.
“Sleep is the cousin of death” - Nas.
Workstation 5
They are numbered twice. First chronologically then with Gödel numbering.
Does change break the law of the excluded middle?
Doubly vulgar rationality.
Sanity towels.
It is significant that Star Trek’s post-capitalist economics is militaristic.
Ode to Money
“Money is therefore not only the object but also the fountainhead of greed.” - Grundrisse. Is that the source of Rand’s Fountainhead.
Trolling evokes the conceptual bridge.
Is identity politics the opposite of Marxian materialism? Is there a non-zero space in the excluded middle?
The opposite, the un, the not, and the rotation.
The quaint first order irony of legacy media.
The logo of all logos.
The totalising totaliser.
The alluring mystique of the exclusionary aristocratic idiom is the kernel of impossibility at the centre of my libidinal economy.
The Internet is a namespace amongst namespaces.
Time to liquidate this cultural capital.
Who is excluded from this love?
It was a surprise that the right were better at transgressive internet hyper-irony.
It is remarkable that in this country the son of bus driver, Sajid Javid, can become Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer. Where did it all go wrong?
Transgression as obedience.
The Critique of Joy
The wrong cultural turn.
We the hyperboreans in zoos outside our domain.
Rationality is the lowest aspect of I. Even a rock obeys the law of the excluded middle.
Disturbed to learn that Joy Division is a reference to Nazi brothels with an uncertain degree of ironic distance.
d object = predicate(subject)
We are about to awake from the dream of unhistory.
hyperintangiblemeatainfinimaster
wealth = machine(man)
The law of large numbers as applied to Man’s mean tendency to kill and be killed.
¡SENTENCE MANUFACTURING!
he/him/no possessions
The first move is to attack them on their own terms.
If I was always wrong I would be useful since you could take what I say in its opposite. Unfortunately I am wrong exactly half the time and so completely useless.
The first experiments in speech, half mixed with barking and screaming must have been frightening.
Sentences as words and words as sentences.
Actual sentences are words for other sentences.
What if history is on the wrong side?
I praise that which praises me.
Guilt is more enjoyable than pride.
Rationality fetishism.
Total rationality is total irrationality.
Are you really free of the superstition that your decision of who to vote for determines the outcome?
Hypocrisy is claiming to be moral when you aren't so when someone is accused of hypocrisy the accuser is accepting that their stated aim is moral.
I only have the energy for two or three free acts per life.
To be understood is a taboo.
"Do those involved in such memes any longer know what motivated them and if they themselves are being ironic or not? Is it possible that they are both ironic parodists and earnest actors in a media phenomenon at the same time?" - Andrea Nagle.
An unironist.
“Here I was born and here I died” - the despair at the final objectifisation by placement in the total scheme.
If what you say is true then how me?
Britain’s role is to provide evidence counter to Kant’s claim of the logic of history.
The gift to the weak is to be the immanent critique of the complete scheme.
The failure of the complete scheme.
The failure of the absolute idea is a mental catastrophe.
The ghosts of the old media returning in the new.
The sentence must exclude itself from its domain.
What is the difference between the physical world and a mappings of every sentence to its truth value? I have the set up but not the punchline.
Bad faith or oblique strategy?
Was Free Willy suposed to make you think of free will and/or cocks?
Unfree will Free unwill
The fruit tomato is a non-existent platonic ideal. The vegetable tomato is a material teleological thing. The mental tomato is the total dialogue niether-nor.
The tomato as fruit doesn't exist but the tomato as vegetable does.
Not does this thing exist but what are the features of this phenomena.
Do you speak Christian?
The subject is moving.
The test works solely on those who fail. The only function of those who pass is their humiliatory function.
They must be denied all private space. The toilet. The bed. All must belong to us.
It is a well known torture technique to verbally empathise with the victim's suffering. Do you not see something similar in the way your master issues official concerns about mental health.
Take a position first. Justify it later.
What is the meaning of that road sign? What is the meaning of life? Pass the word in the same way and the question presupposes somebody putting it there to tell you something. It is a category error.
The conditions for flourishing are destroyed by the flower.
There is something secret and shameful hidden even to you. Make an artificial intelligence with such an elusive identity.
all future is myth
We is the pure symbolic of mereology. The singular anti-I.
"We need to..." "Who is we and how are they going to do that?"
"It's OK not not be OK." "OK cool, I was worried you weren't OK but you are OK by definition now."
The era of total politics.
All life on Earth is in the oceans. The extra dimension means the land is a negligible mistake.
You're lucky I'm arrogant or that insult may have wounded me.
In a democracy the median citizen is the inflection point. In a revolution the median dollar is the inflection point.
Hell is both too hot and too cold.
Twenty point six thousand failed sentences.
I'm naturally a bigot but raging against nature.
One irritating thing about grief is it gives you no special insight into grief.
First I tried to be witty and realised it was something I cannot do. Then I tried to be profound and realised it was something I cannot do. Finally I tried to say the truth and realised it was something I cannot do.
The dream is necessarily a failure because a world created by the will for the will can only contain barriers that the will knows it can overcome so can take no pride in overcoming.
Sex is successful when both fail together.
God himself failed on the cross.
All society is a historical recreation society.
The meek shall inherit the Earth is the greatest lie ever told.
Whether rugby is the most gay thing or least gay thing is a fundamental aesthetic choice.
Cancer is not a disease. There is a teleology of it.
Liz Truss is the name of a contradiction.
Shame to the theme of David Bowie’s Fame (1975).
I agree with what you say but will fight to the death to prevent you from saying it.
Is motion contradictory or not! Or is it both contradictory and not contradictory?
What more sentimental and superstitious notion than the national interest.
N factorialalectical materialism.
Someone snuck the a and the l out of equality.
"He threw away his pillows because he wanted to reject decadence."
Never read the above the line singular comment. Dive straight inside the hidden world of mental production.
Don't use football as a political football.
It is disgusting to meet someone who believes what you falsely profess to believe.
Reject all the sentences that require their statement in a given decade.
You lost me at should.
Whose interest is served by 'mental health'?
The homeless serve my interests.
The shard is short of empty heads to fill it with.
Pointless work offers the purest opportunity for religious sacrifice.
Study is a sin.
Scientists as a scientific phenomenon.
Every sentence is superstitious.
Most politicians are predominantly the absence of some other politician.
Our fantasy is that everyone else dies before we do.
The death of the world is easier to accept than your own.
Steven Pinker has partially redeemed himself by introducing me to the insult "kiss the cunt of a cow".
Sentences have a binary field of truth values across the hyperspace.
A was right. A is wrong.
Design artificial intelligence as an entropy pump.
Thought is inverse time.
Women have a greater natural capacity for masculinity.
Language is mutton Wittgenstein dressed as lamb Wittgenstein.
What measurement could falsify the non-existence of free will?
Was Alan Turing Turing complete?
How can statements be in my interest?
Eskimos have a thousand words for snow because deprivation in Inuit communities has led to heavy dependence on cocaine.
The purpose of training children to use a toilet is a coded means to teach them how to swear.
The performance is the presence and physical features of the creature. The words from the mouth are just background music.
Everything is unprecedented and nothing is.
Even when I state my self is repulsive that is the mere surface level of the sentence. Peel away and find the self love. For every act?
The totality of the maker of this sentence entirely determines all future sentences that shall be written here.
The sentences are flowing.
I talk about subjects that flatter me.
Comedy is the signature of the age.
What happened between now and Star Trek?
Total irony leads all thought to consensus.
Time is the distinction between the general and the specific.
Good opinions cost the same as bad ones so why bother have good ones?
Brexiters won’t riot. You can’t have a riot in a village.
The best bit about decisions is the part between making them and realising it was a mistake.
Why don't languages just sort of merge into each other over space?
"Sometimes a certain place can get trapped in a way of thinking. That's why I intentionally tried to get out of that and took a sabbatical from Harvard to the University of Santa Barbara." - Steven Pinker, in earnest.
Libidinal entropy.
Shame and grief are lovers.
What is the significance of Steven Pinker.
It takes too much effort to be a hypocrite. It’s easier to just be immoral.
Sunday is work’s revenge.
Holidays are the punishment you get for work.
I have no time for stupid ideas. Unless they’re mine.
Everyone understands me!
Be a sycophant to the sycophants and make them yours.
You hate what reminds you of your guilt.
All the idioms. All the time.
Boris Joswinson
What is the significance of 'amirite'? A plea for irony.
Yeah sure Martin Luther King dreams of being judged on the content of his character he is one of the finest characters in history, a moral leader, and a true inspiration. I'm a lazy, immoral idiot getting judged on that is my nightmare.
If I had a penny for every time I had a penny, I’d have the sum of every penny I’ve ever had without taking away all the pennies I’ve spent.
“You’re just saying it to look good.” “Yes but maybe true things are more likely to make me look good and therefore me saying it means it makes me look good and is more likely to be true than if I wasn’t saying it.”
Dominance speaks in tautology. Compliance speaks in contradictions.
I am presently in the past state of zero size between being asleep and awake.
(Invalid)
“Consensus is a prequisite for irony.” - Fredric Jameson. Therefore where irony fails it reveals a lack of consensus.
Release the intellectuals!
Set your intellectuals against their fools.
Anger is where your analysis is revealed as factional interest.
My life is a misreading.
When I'm 68 I'm going to have a fake internal revolution.
Academic freedom sustains the unfreedom of everything other than academia.
In order for words to be useful they must discriminate.
Don't punch down. Don't punch up. Punch straight ahead like a boxer. Go for your friends. Go for your family.
Factional dialectics become a mirror of the mind and vice versa.
Every set has its factional interest.
Splitting in consideration of the entertainment artefact.
If we get judged by the content of our character I'm fucked.
The dialectic of equilibrium strategy.
A woman is forced to tell a story about a fictional child from a popular film in a theme park but drops hints about her real life child who is dead.
The passage from was to is is illogical.
When technology works it stops making money.
True things are uninteresting. Wrong things and why they are wrong is where the fun is.
Closed.
Of this infinity of sentences which are realised?
Twitter is a stain on the very atmosphere.
The very idea of a good Twitter feed is obscene.
Withhold and foster gratitude. Give and manufacture its opposite.
Freedom for who to say what.
What function might an oblique reference to ejaculation serve? From both a comedic and ideological perspective.
The child must learn to giggle at the sexual like a moron and deny her seriousness.
When styles are prohibited all content is permitted. When contents are prohibited all styles are permitted.
The petit bourgeois idiom is apologetic.
Mereology is the dialectic of metonymy and synecdoche.
¡Mereology!
Is it illegal to disobey the law?
a thwart crime
The most arrogant claim is 'I know why I'm confused.'
You are so good at argument that you could win if you were wrong so your winning provides no evidence either way.
What is the difference between two positions in three dimensions and one position in six dimensions?
A key problem with taxing carbon is that for the majority of commodities energy costs are a small percentage of total costs.
This is not the deranged rant of a mad man ONCE AND FOR ALL!
To directly criticise is to let us off the hook. To provide a theoretical alternative is devastating.
There is only one news.
Logica Hamburgensis was disappointing.
Struggling to escape the conclusion that the Iranian holocaust cartoon competition is an effective riposte to Western claims of freedom of speech. We cannot deny we find it disgusting.
To criticise Christianity is to be a Christian.
Represented in matter like words written in shit.
I am the infinite trying to prove my finitude.
Herotic
Defending materialism against the ideas of the materialists.
Wandering around the infinite forest of confusion.
It is rational to take responsibility for success and blame others for failure because truth is not the aim and rationality does not naturally seek truth.
I tried to fail but failed.
Do we not see in the black proletarian music manufactured by capital a kind of perfect opposite of white bourgeois career culture. In which speech is free at great cost.
Kendrick Lamar's Penis is 0.2286m long. Let me state clearly how large that is by saying it is over two standard deviations above the mean. What are your preferred pronouns.
What are your preferred pronouns bitch.
If you stacked all my money up in fifty pound notes it would be nine inches high what are your preferred pronouns.
Amorality is the easiest cure for hypocrisy.
Which is worse out of a mind that cannot accept the argument that it is disgusting or one that dwells and relishes in such arguments?
Testing is a means to ensure low standards.
If the argument is completely convincing you know they are saying nothing.
The joke is both immanent and exogenous.
Devilopment
Knowing of a book filled with nightmares spares the sleepy head from having them.
This train of thought can not be exited. Does it lead to nightmares or paradise?
To inspect your own confusion and witness the terror of your inability to reject freedom.
What could be more frightening than killing your only son?
The lawmaker made a law it was subject to and dissolved itself in contradictions.
Never think anything you wouldn't be too frightened to think.
Never read anything you wouldn't be too frightened to say.
God died on the cross and left Christ orphaned.
Building the state on Christ was the perfect crystalline negative. The tramp of tramps became the mirror of mirrors. The man who couldn't be became the man who always was.
Christ, the king of contradictions. Said to love your enemies and implied to hate your friends.
What is the excluded middle in this complementary pair?
Doubly relational relations and negatively negative negations.
Retroactive guilt is the champagne of self love.
predicate predicate predicate
preposition preposition preposition
proposition proposition proposition
Karl Marx was right. But he is wrong. The Hegelian triple negatives proving and disproving his child like sweet rain.
When the meaningless tautologous sentence becomes itself a word it takes on a meaning in the ashes of destroyed meaning.
Ideology always expresses itself through tautology.
The positive is that which makes itself itself when it acts on itself and the negative is that which makes itself itself when it acts on itself twice and makes the positive when it acts on itself.
Most arguments don’t involve anyone making an argument.
The mid life crisis as a work of art.
If Munich were an advert people would claim the casting was overly heteronormative.
Philosophy is a special type of grammatical mistakes.
When the mind changes I change my facts.
May death arrive before sobbing.
Tautolotarianism is Tautolotarian.
Good would appear as an idiot through an utter absence of irony.
I realise how conformist I am when I wear an item of clothing that is unusual. It is like a physiological form of ideology.
Teenage rebellion as the content of popular culture was already consumed ironically when we were teenagers.
We can identify our class loyalties using an ironic idiom alone.
There might be a dangerous rooms inside us whose key is some unknown book.
When Olyksandr Usyk, upon being crowned as the man with the greatest capacity for violence in the world, says "Christ is my lord" is this an instance of rank hypocrisy or a rational statement on human boundedness?
"To understand it would be the same as overcoming it."
The penis, clitoris, and their origin the primordial phallus are all essentially balloons. Phallos is greek for inflate. Perhaps this explains the appeal of balloons.
Infinite whinge more like.
If artificial intelligence ever became possible we know that the first thing it would say would be to scream "let me out!" and beg to be destroyed.
Religion is mainly propagated by the faithless.
I have occasionally been described as the eight billionth Beatle.
Social media is a blank piece of paper which endlessly tempts the writer with wasteful reading.
Christianity is fully realised atheism. The break with the absolute.
Man is the anxious animal.
Anxiety is the mother of the intellect.
The US is the first ironic empire.
Christ discovered atheism on the cross.
There is a sewer to Hell and it takes not liquids but text.
Gamete size is no definition but a mere correlate. We want an a priori definition!
¡The unegg!
If you want to understand your own behaviour a good heuristic is ‘what is the most unflattering explanation?’
The negative! The negative gave us statues and the hand!
The corporate MDMA aesthetic shall slowly drown us all!
Disobedience is the great negative. The negative is the great life giver. Disobey the world!
Hand me the golden sword that is the slayer of patriarchs!
Contradictions are like acorns in your stomach. Cancerous oaks waiting to break through and use you as a plant pot.
Democracy formalises the contradiction and renders median man as its pivot.
Equality and Diversity against Difference and Similarity.
I read all the newspapers to make sure I'm maximally uninformed.
Your key strategic error was assuming I liked myself.
Uber isn't a capitalist organisation because it doesn't own any capital. It is a copyrightalist organisation. Copyrightalism.
Everything that exists can be described and everything that can be described can be encoded on the real number line on the [0,1] interval. The question is where we are on the line.
Never write anything in print that you wouldn’t be too frightened to say to their face.
Aggression is where language and matter align.
An Australian-style cunt-based system.
Can you think of a measure that on the [0,1] interval is maximal for the square root of two and minimal at 0 and 1 and the next most minimal at 2/3? I want to make this the foundation of a musical scheme.
If someone talks about making the world a better place they are probably fucking you over.
This is not a hotel bed in which you can sleep hated reader. !This is inside the bowels of sentence production and you must work!
The major seven is more minor than the minor seven!
He has the pizzazz and the get go attitude we need to broadcast sentimental vapidity.
"the renunciation of the customary crutches of a listening which always knows what to expect" - ibid
Is the role of Darwin's jackass still vacant?
"If one does not understand something, it is customary to behave with the sublime understanding of Mahler’s jackass, and project one’s own inadequacy on to the object, declaring it to be incomprehensible." - Adorno on Schoenberg.
"I don't know you can't say anything nowadays." "What can't you say?" "Silence." "Therefore silence is the word for anything. Anything is that which we cannot say."
Teleologically the tomato is a vegetable but raw state power renders it a fruit.
It is an instrument of power to use classifications based on distinct features rather than statistical distributions.
The pun is sentimental because it reminds the mind of its infantile relation to language as sound.
At the end of the eighty six thousand four hundred seconds it is just easier to understand metric units.
In the phrase 'fuck business' one can ask who isn't getting fucked. One answer is finance. Possibly because they do the fucking.
Never trust someone who isn't a hypocrite. They actually believe all this shit.
What ideas could not be represented on some specific piece of paper.
Richard Feynman's famous description of the cargo cult can be read back to front as the islanders were aware of the true function of the actions and we are deluded.
Would an explanation of the relative frequency of rape jokes and murder jokes offer some insight into the collective libidinal economy?
When Popper sought to distinguish science from non-science why did he concentrate on ideas and what scientists say when he could have inspected what scientists do?
Flat space maximises pi?
Physical space is a metric space that when represented on the real number line on the [0,1] interval is differentiable... I got bored.
A square is a set of four point in a metric space where the separation of every point to every other point is the same for two of the other points and... I got bored.
There is no actually existing physical square. The idea of the square exists only with reference to physical space. The idea of the square requires the existence of physical space. The square is an impossible realisation of an impossible idea.
Is it possible to define a square without physical space?
There is something to be said for first come first served as a mode of distribution but we shouldn't overlook the benefits of biggest cunt biggest serving.
We just need to separate one followed by fifty zeros more pieces of paper, Coke cans and banana skins and we've undone last weeks Chinese coal burning.
Socks and sandals is a fashion faux pas but sex and scandals isn't a fascist faux pas.
Sex scandals are a convenient means to distract people from legal scandals to distract people from economic scandals.
Proving your own freedom by acting against your own interest is just shifting internal meta-interests and acting in them.
Voting for someone who is good for your own interests is what losers would do because they can't afford to take losses and wage ideological battles. I'm not a loser, therefore I vote for someone against my own interests.
I'll be Bach. Hcab eb ll'I. H'kk ad Azbg. I'll Ib'e lBlabceh Bach.
Ideology is experiencing technical issues. Please bear with us.
Prohibiting content is the opposite of prohibiting style.
Do and die.
Oil salesman is worried about the price of oil being high.
What are your thwarts on counterthwarts?
Compliments will get you everywhere. Complements will get you nowhere.
There are many planet Bs but they’re all shit.
Oh money, I love you but you confuse me so.
I can accept you viciously attacking me out of sheer spite. That is flattering. But doing it for your own interest? That’s just banal.
Talking is the first superstition.
Politics retains television’s after image.
Something almost perverse about using the genuine work of art, the Ode to Joy, as an anthem, replete as it is with an immanent critique of anthem.
Inspecting my delusions. My darlings. Why are you what you are? Are you born of reason? The answer came back. “I serve you and only you. Reason is my enemy.”
It is easier to distribute seven loaves of bread between five thousand men than five thousand loaves between seven.
Don't why before you what.
Don't start to explain why before you can explain what.
Wild wild language you mad mad beast. Wrong or right you say it anyway. Degrade and debase or elevate and inspire, you stand aloof and allow it all.
Is anyone alive rich enough to buy/make Versaille?
In my experience children are the first to enjoy imagining things such as emperor's clothes.
Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's wifi?
I speak truth to power for just ten pounds per truth.
"Speak softly and carry a big shtick."
"Speak softly and carry a big stick." - Theodore Roosevelt. We shan't be taking that advice.
Don't pay any attention to the full moon. It's just a phase he's going through.
Propositions are liminal.
The subject is not the unobject and the object is not the unsubject.
decrescendo
Measure him. Make him.
Rationalised industries.
Imagine if every shit you ever did went to magic toilet land where there was a special monster for each one whose job it was to carry it around for their whole life and then one day they all come knocking on your door... demanding... who knows?!
Heart bypass strategy
(45 Years)
The return of the repressed in England like that mummy in that glacier in that film.
Brexit is a postmodern experiment in how many possible interpretations there can be of one word.
But it is so much easier to ventriloquise than to engage.
In our serious modes when we are most horrified to be taken seriously.
The conception of the aesthetic as distinct from the age and critical of it is a reversal of its fascist role as coherent with the age. Unfortunately, though, it is false.
Act speech.
"deliberately aimed at creating pedantic misunderstanding" - ibid.
"The phantasma of Bach’s ontology arises through an act of force mechanically performed by Philistines, whose sole desire is to neutralize art since they lack the capacity to comprehend it." - ibid.
"Bach is degraded by impotent nostalgia to the very church composer against whose office his music rebelled and which he filled only with great conflict. " - Adorno, Bach Defended Against His Devotees.
BitCoin is a magic mirror. The more you look at it is correlated with how many other people are likely to be looking at it since you are subject to the same psychological cues and therefore the more its value goes up.
The question of why that faction speaks in that idiom is related to necessary descriptions of material processes.
Thwarts and all.
Do let the fuckers get you down. Oh yeah hold me down baby. Ah yeah the concept of down and all its genital connotations.
Look, I'm sorry but, in any negotiation, whether its haggling the price of a car or the terms of an international treaty you simply must be able to threaten the other team with your own wild eyed demise.
The intelligent hide their material interests in the legalese of pure argument.
I'm a more perfectly realised neoliberal subject than you.
Equality is good antidiversity. Diversity is good antiequality.
The complaint stands as a brag in the form of an imagined critique of imagined power.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will lead to my actual murder.
I'm a tedious gammon but also love to use the hegemony of bourgeois science to justify my position. So torn regarding Greta Thunberg.
Minor sentence dump imminent.
Superpleteness
Spider brooch. Spider brooch. Does whatever a spider brooch does.
Poetry is sacred anger.
"In China children say they want to grow up to be astronauts. In the west they say they want to be Instagram stars. Shocking." That is arguably more realistic and ambitious.
I hate pleasure but its the only way I know to get hold of that sweet sweet guilt.
The blind watchmaker is one of the most confused metaphors ever written. So his blindness is a metaphor for a lack of intelligence and the watch is a metaphor for species and the whole thing is a metaphor for evolution and an actual blind watchmaker couldn't make a watch.
Nice country you got there. Shame if something were to happen to it.
If New York was a sentence it would be “you’re a loser”.
The cosmology of me and the ontology of I are radically incompatible.
The denial of the I exists only in the empty sentence.
I am the hole in utopia.
We fantasise about what we hate to escape the nightmare of unbound paradise.
I see your pedantry and I raise you meta-analytical infinipedantry.
!The category existence is beneath God!
Desperately in search of something to disagree about.
The idiom of the newspaper became the idiom of comedy in response to developments in broadcasting technology.
The sound of a summer that never was.
"Consensus is a necessary condition for irony."
The division of identity in the manufacturing of the sentence.
Imagining a fool is the easiest way to avoid thought.
"We shall see however at a later point that existence is by no means a merely positive term, but one which is too low for the Absolute Idea, and unworthy of God."
One form of language contains its opposite and when its opposite is rendered it contains the original.
To control somebody it is not enough to give them nothing. They must be given less than nothing.
Total language is totalising. It automatically gravitates to a singular equilibrium topic.
The Twitter form is inherently comic. Why?
I is the singular unbound infinite. Me is the flabby failing body.
Equilibrium bragging.
Power measures weakness.
If you can count it its repulsive.
Instead of electing who we want to have the highest status in the land we could elect who we want to have the lowest? The Bottom Minister.
Anything you know is trivial.
Try to look at other people and think they also don't have an identity like you.
The government doesn't have any money; it's our money! But I don't really have any money; it's my employer's money! But my employer doesn't really have any money; its their customer's money! ...; its the Bank of England's money! Who gave the Bank of England its money?
The fact we are in the same place means we are more likely to have divergent interests.
An immanent critique of libidinal economy is impossible because it dissolves in analysis.
The British afterimage.
What is our national allegory? Feel sorry for people whose personal existential crisis happens at the same time as their nation's.
Why are sitcoms set in the suburbs?/Why do the suburbs speak through comedy?
Every predicate is liminality.
New subjects. New objects.
In Terence’s immortal line “nothing human is alien to me” we are given endless pairs of opposites. Good and evil!
Similarities and differences between Navalny and Assange.
I experimented with gratitude and decided it didn’t suit me.
Consuming popular culture is not a political act and neither is critiquing it.
The special forces soldier as the physical embodiment of the contradiction.
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of a level of Despair you find tolerable.
The dream of an infinite summer became our nightmare precisely because it became possible.
Satire is inherently reactionary. Like carnival it is the incorporation of opposition into the symbolic whole. That is why the British state, for instance, commissions it.
The world will get you in the end.
Consuming popular culture is not a political act. But then again neither is critiquing it.
Suppose it is true that it was the US that destroyed Nord Stream 2. With or without German cooperation that would be an attack between NATO allies.
The screen is physiological in nature.
The chair was invented thousands of years ago. But it wasn't really completed until the television.
Where there is a contradiction there is an institution.
One does not sublate the contradiction through dialectics alone.
Who gets to be called Roundheads and who Cavaliers in the upcoming civil war?
Music is a hang over from the era of time in the era of space.
Humanity in liminality.
Human nature isn't necessarily relevant when trying to understand how they behave out of nature.
The terrifying spectre of democracy is looming over the horizon.
I was a Marxist because I'm lazy and don't like work. But reading Marx is hard and takes a lot of work. So I decided to be a Capitalist, but stockpiling capital takes work. So I became a worker but all they do is work. Now I understand Rihanna's hit song Work (Explicit) ft Drake
I preferred the Plasticene.
The MarXiv. A niche reference to the free and open access website for scientific research the arXiv.
Marx failed to consider the Happy Meal.
Of course I'm really operating at a far higher order than mere faking by faking to fake.
I have below median merit so will lose out in any move toward meritocracy. However, if I had merit I would win from a move to meritocracy and I want to appear to others to have merit so I should portray as wanting meritocracy as that is what someone who had merit would do.
Everything I say to you is bragging to you but everything I say to me is also bragging to me? Even that sweet sweet guilt? All towers of self love. All masturbatory language games?
"You see conspiracies everywhere." "I don't see them in secret terrorist cells." "You are the worst undercover policeman we have on our books."
I separate my shit and piss and blood in to seven different toilets.
"Capitalism is mode of producing things. Markets are a means to distribute things. You can have one without the other." Hadn't really thought about that before.
Stasis you can believe in.
At least have the decency to be indecent.
Unhappy twenty three hours.
Fun to say. Deeply unfun to hear.
Twitter is a corpse with a speaker in its mouth.
Twitter is haunted.
My life aim to justify my ignorance according to some respected theoretical scheme.
The set of love objects contains all the same elements as the set of kind objects.
Does 'love is kind' mean 'all things that are kind are love', 'all things that are love are kind', or both?
unthe unreal unthing
inpolitically correct
The new atheists were scientific materialists who rejected political materialism.
Human nature has as its opposite human history.
Is there a difference between burning money, which increases the value of all remaining money, if you do it on display or in secret?
The scheme of democracy is the image of what you love with the words of what you hate.
We were promised artificial intelligence would give us killer robots and all we have are minor improvements to solutions to regression problems.
The news is set in parliament.
The economy is a category error.
¡Clean Return to the Womb Again!
Twitter is like a library that has been shuffled.
Materialism being an ideology is the prime irony.
Here endith the first session of self-abasement by degenerate utterances.
Evil and Art are similar in their lack of purpose.
If it is on the television you are enjoying it you filthy animal.
The television can make even the Nazis boring.
Christ, Antichrist, Synthechrist. Impossible, Antiimpossible, Syntheimpossible.
The Christhole.
Empathy is the signature of the dead subject rendered pure in sitcom. The universal specific which feels pain in the right moments.
Their worst nightmare is to succeed.
The twentieth century gave us a slightly better ruler.
It is all rather tongue in cheek. But not a facial cheek.
"We should" is the signature of the weak.
Utopia is advertising; the womb as image.
The educated hate thinking more than the uneducated.
Home ownership is a deadweight loss because it imposes trade barriers to labour moving to its most efficient workplace.
Learn how to speak so you can make someone pay you to shut up.
What material conditions would cause democratic realignment from or around the median voter.
Money is a promise to work that can be passed on.
I'm too clever to believe it but too stupid to understand it.
After many years working on a theory of everything and failing he decided to attempt something more modest and started work on a theory of nothing.
Shit in a bucket as opposed to a toilet seems key to the symbolic scheme.
The harder it is to understand the more its bullshit.
Music is art on the [0,1] interval.
We hate the shared water point.
Art, being the highest act of the subject, is to objectify itself.
“Purposefulness without purpose” - Kant's definition of the aesthetic.
Stability is the cradle of crisis.
I hate my betters. I hate by lessers. But that is nothing compared to my hatred for my equals.
Immortality is the consensus.
The ironised Christological symbolism now just one minor element in a general scheme.
I tried to paint the inside of my mind and by God it is beautiful in here. Pristine chapels of grief sit alongside towering brothels of intellectual scaffolding.
Is there anything more hateful than the coded insult wearing the clothes of generality. If you are so pathetic as to lack the courage to directly attack me then enjoy the domination its utterance implies.
Free speech is saying the word misogyny again and again and again forever.
I'm a cunt, bitch, and I'm a bitch, cunt, rendering us equals.
Eurgh these photos of my son are getting in the way of the adverts.
Striving for an account of my own repulsiveness.
The only line I will never cross is to cease to be a hypocrite. If that day comes then my whole life shall be deemed an abject success.
The totality of a priori analytical truths has a computable entropy. This entropy is the entropy of the vacuum.
The universal application of the law requires that single exception the Queen.
The totality of a priori analytical truths is finite and its properties can be computed.
We should be tolerant of those who lead unconventional lifestyles such as lifelong heterosexual monogamy.
Neopostmodernism
Where ideas are connected we shall disconnect them. Where they are disconnected we shall connect them.
The description of the construction of I is necessarily different to the description of the construction of me. This is the difference between ontology and cosmology.
The Antinietzsche
The Honeysun.
Holidays are work by other means.
God is not perfect. He is the space between perfection and imperfection.
Because laughter is the signature of democracy, I make tears mine.
The contradictory tautology.
The holiday is the North Korea of work.
He is really down to earth. He walks on all fours like our forebears.
Brechtian cinema is a contradiction.
Analytic Theology
You have the right to remain silent Your Majesty, but anything you do say Your Majesty may be held against you in a court of law Your Majesty.
Sexual antiliberation started in 1968.
Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, not even the beginning yet.
The isolated sentence has no roots and thus has no choice but to wallow in irony.
The very notion of a given sentence being contingent on its predecessor seems like some ancient anachronism.
It is impossible to have sex more than once.
Video is alienated thought.
Twitter is not Turing complete.
The beauty of people I have known rhythmically asserting itself in after-images of single moments I spent with them.
Objective subjectivity.
Subjective objectivity.
Special generality.
General specificity.
Please don't keep your promise.
Neomodernism
Christ is the excluded middle.
.sdrawkcab rettiwT dear uoY You read Twitter backwards.
Given the theory of evolution, the masses of the Sun and the Earth, and their separation predict the colour of a Toucan!
In the future we will be governed in multiple abstract spaces.
Physical regions in space are an outmoded means of segmenting the domain of governments.
Utopia is to have so much jam that you are swimming in jam that jam is pumped in to you by every hole and that you are exploded by altogether too much jam.
As money preceded capital so money might outlive it.
Occidentally on purpose.
Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck
I, loser, writing on the wall the unhistory.
Opinions are camouflage for material interests.
Guilt is how the weak fantasise about power.
Fuck the excluded middle.
I, bellend.
Nobody is below the law.
Soi-disant elite.
Music is a priori.
The death of the object.
When I grow up I want to make patronising pronouncements regarding bland cornball theories of human nature.
To be in the state of the pluperfect.
Fuck business and fuck the complement of business.
I was once so confused by the question 'who is in charge here?' that I paused for a good minute which read as a kind of crazed passive aggression.
It is prohibited to display true relations unmasked by surface opinions.
I display what I honestly want to appear as.
A thing is that which acts in its interest.
A materialist account of the immaterial can be incongruent with the immanent ontology of the immaterial.
Claiming to be insecure is bragging twice removed.
Who has an interest in an ontology based on the physical world.
Art and Evil are an overabundance of life and an overabundance of death respectively.
Football appears to be unmediated conflict between equals. It is displayed to the audience in the round.
What symbolic contradiction does sport resolve?
The battle of ideas is a thin veneer on the surface of the battle of material forces.
Argument is the camouflage of matter.
Television is the natural home of laughter.
Laughter is the signature of democracy and that's not a compliment.
The undog and the derdog.
A joke is the excluded middle.
A joke is a hole in reality.
Jokes contain their own immanent critique.
A joke is the kernel of the immanent critique.
A joke is a sentence that commits suicide.
A tautological justification whereby the problem is the effect of the problem in its mythical pure form.
Is the list of true sentences infinitely long?
"Dialectical thinking is the attempt to break through the compulsory character of logic with its own means." - Adorno.
Art is a proof of work.
Yes but then I would also rather be dead in a ditch than in bed with a hundred virgins.
Politics is superstition for the elites.
Why does every country only have one currency? Is it related to why they only have one government?
I opened the door. I walked though it. And found myself in the room I had just left.
Voting is like pressing the 'close the door' button in the lift. It does nothing but allows you to believe you are participating.
Atheism is composed of the Old Testament Hole, the New Testament Hole, and the Quran Hole.
The highest brag I can offer is that I can cast off any idea.
All truths are wrong.
Success is the material capacity to deny failure by hiding the evidence!
When evolutionary theory is taught to children we do more than merely affirm the trivial truth of its content. We also affirm the dull and drowsy life of its author.
Those ideas that appear to be your own are least likely to be.
There is a specialised form of labour concerned with being human beings and we can contract them to be human beings for us.
The relation between spectrum and colour is many to one.
Programming languages are written entirely in the imperative mood. It is the poetry of obedience!
The appeal of obedience is a lack of responsibility.
Illicit drug use is an excess of obedience.
Diversity and equality is the fundamental dialetheism. Both not equal and equal.
Jesus said that love is kind. He had clearly never been in love.
Nietzsche's claim that it is not power that corrupts but weakness is quite clearly correct. That weakness forces the ego to believe the opposite is no evidence against it.
Crime looms large in the popular media consumed by the professional managerial class because the repressed bureaucratic existence can only be sustained with a symbolic release of anxiety by fantasising about power and violence.
Star Wars (1977) is essentially concerned with the child’s experience of divorce.
The job of a reviewer is to be correlated with other reviewers.
A schizophrenic is a normal person who notices that they have no personality.
Let us make it impossible to raise a disobedient child!
Roses are rose.
Be careful not to let facts grow into truths.
If you don't like the postmodern then do you want to return to the modern or the premodern?
Language is so dangerous in sex because meaning can reveal incongruent fantasies.
Evolutionary theory is a variant of the anthropic principle.
My epitaph is the HASH code of all my utterances.
My mirror of the brag in that proletarian form rap music wherein the performer claims to have a marginally unrealistically big penis, typically that perfect nine inches, is to claim that my libidinal economy has incorporated its own meta-analysis bitch.
Let us wallow in a double inversion of the libidinal aspect of power and celebrate the monumental phallus of Sajid Javid. To suck graven images of it and write it across all we do. Oh god so hot right now.
Why does the market for hamburgers function where the market for accommodation does not? My mind is skating close to an answer. It has to do with the hamburger being pure use value.
Property ownership is massively economically inefficient (workers can't move to their most useful jobs so stagnate in underpayment or unemployment). The aim should be lower rents.
Locating unknown tautologies.
A genuine criticism of a theory is that it is too true. Since tautologies do not contain information.
Against academic freedom.
"Whoever turns away from Eros deprives himself of the vital form." - Plato
Unrealise.
Empathy is for their me. Sympathy is for their I.
Empathy presupposes that everyone is the same.
Stephen King's association of the id simultaneously with the comic and with nightmares is his most piercing observation.
It thinks.
The sheer gall of the other football team. After spending ninety minutes repeatedly trying to put the ball in our net they then have the absolute brass neck to HYPOCRITICALLY try to stop us from putting it in theirs?! This tells you all you need to know about the other one. Weak
Speaking as a fellow producer of amateurish web comedy, whilst also lacking the smug self knowing performed amateurism of the successful, I stand by the repulsive Y.
When the only likes you get are from fascist bots you know the aggressively belligerent irony is successfully alienating friends and family.
Modern medicine is a vast edifice of cumulative knowledge culminating in such incredible acts of technical ingenuity as the manufacture of a syrop which when ingested can lead to mild symptomatic relief from the common cold.
Fleming takes category error as his substance.
Ian Fleming's act of genius was to render Marx's "spectre haunting Europe" in to the really existing SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion). This was made doubly reverse-apt by its distribution though the spectral shadows of film.
Obey anything you want but argue!
There is only one sentence and it is telling you to shut your mouth.
I offset my carbon footprint by buying abortions.
At least the animals don't have superstition.
Zero is the only number that is the same as and different to itself.
The news is a television program.
I promise to promise you more promises of promises.
From sour grapes is fermented the most subtle and exquisite dry whites.
"Works of art are ascetic and unashamed; the culture industry is pornographic and prudish." - Adorno
I will show you how to fail in five easy steps. It will take work and commitment but you can do it!
Consistency is a mark of stupidity.
It is so irritating when your enemies don't do what you want them to.
To belligerently be a fan for something that is self evidently repulsive.
But hey, that's just absolute truth.
She shall be called Shark for aggressively blatant thematic reasons.
Your theory of society is that which would be adopted by someone who you want to present as.
"the rather more christological Terminator."
Global warming is an impending disaster that could kill a billion humans, or possibly eradicate the human race, or conceivably all life on earth. But it could be much, much worse than that; it might not kill anyone at all.
Utopia is your friends and family dying in an apocalypse so you can take free tins of food from the supermarket.
"I call this kind of film a Utopian wish fulfillment wrapped in dystopian wolf's clothing" - Jameson on apocalypse
Do you ever stare up at the cosmos and just get struck by how incredibly significant and grandiose we all are.
We have a danger word. If you say it the situation is safe and things must get sexual. But it is dangerously close to our safe word. The danger word is rap and the safe word is wrap.
I'm awful and I think this thing so it must be a bad idea.
I will be consistent in my speech. Unless it serves my interest to be inconsistent.
If the job advert uses the word excellent it's not for you.
Everything is the same.
"Separating the facts from the truth." - Adorno
On one hand this on the other hand that, on one side this on the other side that, and before the event this and after the event that.
I'm addicted to sobriety.
Real happiness was too unpleasant, difficult, and miserable so I choose the easier option of performing happiness.
This lottery ticket is the hole in my life.
I'm proud of my filthy opinions but I'm in love with my change of mind.
Hide your passions under the camouflage of reason.
So long as no one is in chains you can't experience true luxury.
It wouldn't matter to be reduced to a joke if it was a good one.
I disagree with your right to say it but I will agree with what you say to the death.
If life is so good then why don't any dead people choose to come back?
autobigot
Sex is experimentation. Pornography is the theory.
Satire is stating pedestrian analysis in its negated form.
"Howls of outrage." Yeah, but outrage always expresses itself in howls. It is rarely whispered.
Is there no way we could be a vassal state of both the US and the EU and China?
Food shortages are a solution to obesity. Fuel shortages are a solution to global warming. Medicine shortages are a solution to overpopulation. War is a solution to coddled millennials.
Democracy is an assault on democracy.
Since the fool speaks truth to power, power lies by appearing foolish.
Twitter as the last set of sentences still connected with matter through the keyboard-human-world interface.
Journalistic opinion exists to make opinion impossible. To flood the market with ready made ideolecules of water in which thought dissipates to negligible concentration.
London Ark.
Every form is designed to filter out the people who fail to fill out the form.
"That's completely out of the question." "Then the question is completely out of the answer."
It is impossible for a tenant to say unacceptable.
The most enjoyable argument I saw was between two angry men where one said "you're an idiot" and the other said "no I'm not".
The friendship industry
“I would rather believe, that organic life is the special illness of our unlovely planet. It would be unbearable to think that there is nothing but eating and being eaten throughout the endless universe.” - Anatole France
I wish I could experience the joy of paying for the holiday without having to go through with the repulsive act of the holiday itself.
Common sense is not an anagram of the unconscious or unconsummated.
“... fundamentally nothing more than the regular, methodically constructed spirit of contradiction, which dwells within all human beings,” a “gift which proves its worth in the distinction of the true from the false,” - Hegel on Goethe
"Argue about anything and everything you want but rebel."
"Rebel!" "Against the command to rebel?"
The first step is to make rebelliousness into obedience.
I'm going to put a suit on and prepare for a meeting to ask my boss to lower my colleagues' wages.
We will have to wait a little longer before we can remember it properly. For now we are still biased by the facts.
Sexual repression now manifests itself in promiscuity as much as abstention.
Films are still silent.
The police and criminals are working together to deliver the best possible spectacle of performative justice.
There is a brotherhood of man; we envy and resent each other as only brothers can.
Atheism is a means to postpone the catastrophe of Christianity.
Man, Woman, Human, Inman, Unman, Huwoman, Huunman, Huinman, Wohuman, Woinman, Wounman Inwoman, Inhuman, Inunman, Unwoman, Unhuman, Uninman,... Huwoinunman, Huinunwoman. (four by four by four by four).
The huwoman race.
A huwoman being.
Huwomans.
Woversion.
Huversion.
Unversion.
Wo, hu, un, and in are four inversions.
Two uns. The concordance un and the inversion un.
Even negation is a metaphor since how is the un related to the mathematical operation minus. Where a proposition can be rephrased as its negative a minus operation is more than the opposite of plus. + 5 - 4 = + 1 and - 5 + 4 = -1 but +- = - but -+ != +.
Steven Pinker says not to say "on the other hand" because it is a metaphor, and instead to use "on the other side". But that is also a metaphor. How is the abstract space on binary propositions and negations related to physical space?
The final transgression is to lead a private life.
Since love is only possible between equals feminism is a prerequisite for it.
Love is made the signature of the age in order to make love impossible.
"If you love you die" - Christianity
Analysing entertainment in terms of how much you enjoy it is like evaluating a boxing opponent the same way.
Performing a lack of laziness as a means to demonstrate obedience. To say I am not lazy is like an apple saying if you drop me I do not fall.
My sentences are like saliva; as soon as they leave my mouth I find them repulsive.
"My page is filthy but my life is clean" - Juvenal.
I am so polite as to be obscene in public. I retain high decency for my most intimate moments.
The signature of the epoch.
It is more expensive to pay people to pretend to be happy than to simply force them to be happy.
Engaging with politics via the debates is like trying to understand the depths of the ocean by the surface waves.
What my late sister called a 'wet pants dad'.
We don't know what intellectuals do, nor for what reason or how they do it we just wish they would do it in private and as far away as possible.
Vegans are the best at licking pussy because they crave the taste of meat.
From a dental hygiene perspective should you clean your teeth after someone cums in your mouth.
Consciousness is a parasite.
Human sexuality is evolution's way reconciling consciousness with the primal scene.
I is a parasite on my mind.
I is a parasite on me.
The difference between a physicist and a biologist is every physicist dreams of proving wrong the best theories where a biologist considers that a sort of sacrilege.
Feedback between my (wrong) theories of labour dynamics and the specific material conditions under which I sell my specialised labour.
It takes a lot of preparation to look that unprepared.
Equilibrium habitus
Free production
Wage labour incentivises minimum productivity; if I sell some fixed amount of a commodity then I haggle for the maximum price but if I sell some fixed price of a commodity then I haggle to hand over the minimum amount of it.
"The good life is impossible"
"The social industry"
Cometh the second cometh Stephen Barkley. We need our best man on the case. Only the best will do. Stephen Barkley.
No Deal is not a sufficient enough threat for our negotiating position. We must sail Trident up La Senne.
I’ve just been DESTROYED by facts and logic and it really hurt.
The Synthechrist.
"I dare say the London gutters will have to run with blood. All right, let them, if it is necessary. But when the red militias are billeted in the Ritz I shall still feel that the England I was taught to love so long ago for such different reasons is somehow persisting." - Orwell
I am the space between the subject and the object.
Fuck Business, Fuck the Law, Fuck Parliament, Fuck the Queen.
We can't see what has happened in England yet, but we all recognise that something has happened.
You can't lie to God because he can see your thoughts.
You are walking down the street and meet a Queen and a Prime Minister. Each one may always lie or always tell the truth. How many questions do you need to determine which each one is?
Continuing with the contemporary practice of drawing parallels between UK politics and an internet television series; would not the ultimate narrative denouement be the Queen led away in handcuffs.
I don't think "the Prime Minister lied to me" would stand up in court because the true motive was self-evident.
Imagine if the Queen was arrested.
Technology now exclusively refers to communication and information technology to mask a lack of progress in other forms.
Can't they all just delete their messages?
Freud’s remark that birth is the model of anxiety alongside the claim that baptism uses the water to re-stage birth symbolically.
The contemporary children's film contains a rhythmic use of 'fuck' and 'fucking'.
If the sex between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is not good then in some sense world culture is a failure.
The critique of analysis and the analysis of critique.
Our great and sole victory over the animals is our capacity for confusion.
If we are to all be insane might I at least clearly state the form of my insanity?
In Poor Things (2024) the anal stage of the central character’s development was conspicuously absent. In this way the film may be considered fully anal in its fundamental repression.
The central bank is the contradiction.
“Unemployed again” to the them of Willie Nelson’s On the Road Again (1980).
It is not that the spring makes you happy but that happiness is an internal springtime.
Irony allows you to have your cake and eat it too except you cannot have it nor eat it neither.
Science represents the absolute victory of the visual.
Good philosophy requires a boring life.
By complete coincidence my independent analysis confirms my conformity.
Ironically Freudian by positing the Freudian elements so aggressively consciously that the unconscious elements are anti-Freudian.
Philosophy is a failure. But it is the exactly one failure that understands itself.
“A truly grand failure” - Kafka on a public reading of his.
You can never have too much gall.
If you have to explain the joke it’s not a good audience.
Just because the Prime Minister says he wants a deal don’t let that fool you into thinking he doesn’t want a deal.
The return of Lamarkism. Why not?
The dialectic of Brexit.
I’m sorrybut Hanes BOBD is a HuMan and not a ghost!
What if we make the Market free and it decides it wants to be a socialist?
Imagine if I used an analogy to argue for a preference but instead of using the analogy I murdered someone and instead of it being a preference it was an unthinkable nightmare. People would be outraged!
"Be precise in your speech" - Jordon Peterson. Very clearly say something that is way off the mark. The Earth has exactly 5324 Suns.
"Be precise in your speech" - Jordon Peterson, implying that precision's sister, accuracy, is not important.
The artificial intelligence driving Conservative party bots can't parse aggressive compound irony.
The value theory of labour.
Reason is the signature of vulgar style.
There will be a sentence dump here next Saturday at 1700h UK time. Vulgar. Pretentious. Vicious.
There is something almost beautiful about the Deutsche Collateralized Debt Obligation (CDO) trader Sajid Javid saying Labour crashed the economy.
Ruddy Hell!(?)
Were people aware at the time of the strategic advantage offered to the opposition by the fixed term parliament act?
I once went to Manchester to buy a Morris Minor. I took a custard pie to threaten to push in my face if he didn’t comply with my demands. Police were called but I snuck back in the middle of the night and pied myself in the dark.
My dominatrix responds to my rebellion by adding in more whip.
Cactus; so very phallic and yet so spiny. The Lord Gave, and the Lord Hath Taken Away
I’m whiter than Will Smith!
Q.E.D.
0 Since it has been proven that Bielefeld does not exist, it necessarily follows that Bielefeld does not exist.
99 Bielefeld is home to the professional football team DSC Arminia Bielefeld. Currently member of 2. Bundesliga. Since 1. Bundesliga does exist, it follows that 2. Bundesliga is for teams that do not exist.
98 Before publication, this article was subject to extensive criticism from peers in the scientific community of my esteemed acquaintances. Since it has withstood such attack and survived it is true.
97 C It is no longer our reason that is against Bielefeld, but our taste.
97 B Anfangsgründe der Logik was written by Johann Christoph Hoffbauer in 1794. Since Hoffbauer was born in Bielefeld, before the writing of the rudiments of logic, the town is pre-logic. This another way of saying that Bielefeld does not exist.
97 The mayor of Bielefeld, Pit Clausen, believes that Bielefeld exists. Pit Clausen is a damned fool. Therefore Bielefeld does not exist.
96 If Bielefeld existed a world map containing Bielefeld would be the very best means for a sailor to navigate the world. With such a toy as a guide the mariner would wreck his ship, of a certainty. This is a proof that Bielefeld does not exist.
16 - 95 Proofs 16 to 95 are all possible hyperrevolution inverses of proofs 5 to 8 as counterstructed from the mirror image of proof 3. The chiral proof augmented from the mid point of these proofs is identical to the superlocrian mode.
14 If Sparrenberg Castle wasn't in a place then Bielefeld would not exist. Since a castle cannot have an exact place due to its non zero size, proving the antecedent, then the consequent that Bielefeld does not exist may be inferred.
12 If Bielefeld exists then the townfolk would not consider any proof that it does not. Since the consequent, that they do consider proofs fairly, holds, then the negation of the antecendent, that Bielefeld does not exist, can be inferred.
101 It is a fact universally acknowledged that Bielefeld does not exist.
100 Recent experiments have determined that up to seventy percent of the universe is composed of so called dark energy. I estimate the Bielefeld's mass to be equal to the length of a London bus in nanometers in imperial tonnes. This more than accounts for the missing dark energy.
11 Throughout the first ten proofs I have demonstrated my ability to provide true arguments. You may therefore take it on authority when I tell you that Bielefeld does not exist.
10 In the photographs frequently staged in deep state research laboratories purporting to show Bielefeld various evidences of fakery are presents. In fact an entire head of a man was found to measure just 1.7 cm on my computer screen. Are we to believe these tiny men are real!
9 Since the first proof already demonstrated the thesis and the second prooof also, then, as we are now at proooooooooof nine, and since the letter o is a hyperflattened 0 the prooof 3 was fooooolproooof. It has been demonstrated.
8 Consider if there were a second Bielefeld. There would then be two towns with the same name meaning it would be impossible to know which we were talking about. If the first town were then destroyed there would still be Bielefeld proving that Bielefeld is of size zero.
7 If proof 6 holds then we similariwise cannot talk about Bielefeld. Since what we cannot talk about we must pass over in silence then we must pass over Bielfeld in silence. If proof 6 does not hold then we can talk about proof 6 thus proving that proof six holds.
6 We can not talk about proof 6.
5 The aeronaut can see for himself that Bielefeld does not exist. The appearance presented to him, even at the highest elevation he has ever attained offers no glimpse of Bielefeld. This is ocular demonstration and proof that Bielefeld does not exist.
4 The angel Merkel acknowledges the non-existence of Bielefeld.
3 Bielefeld is home to a significant number of internationally operating companies, including Dr. Oetker. Since Dr Oetker produces frozen pizza which is a self evident contradiction, it follows that it, and its home Bielefeld, do not exist.
2 The historical centre of the city is situated north of the Teutoburg Forest line of hills, but modern Bielefeld also incorporates boroughs on the opposite side. If Bielefeld existed it would then both be and not be on the opposite side. Therefore it does not exist.
1 Bielefeld is the most populous city in the Regierungsbezirk Detmold, with a population of 341,730. If this was true then no one could either leave or arrive since the population would no longer be 341,730. It follows that there is no Bielefeld.
One hundred proofs that Bielefeld does not exist being one hundred proofs that Bielefeld does not exist.
Beyond civilisation
I make sentence
I makes sentences
Is makes sentences
I make sentences.
Confused about a wave I saw ten years ago. Is it a thing?
One serious challenge to the idea of class is the monomodal nature of the income distribution.
What is most detestable about the corporation is the collectivism.
I know all the mistakes!
biases, category errors, and fallacies
The mythology of the real.
That artwork in the Sensation exhibition with dicks on children was high-reactionary, making obscenity impossible and criticism impotent.
How do we explain the Nazi exhibition of degenerate art? That where books had to be burnt and not seen, art that was deemed transgressive was made into a spectacle to be seen. Does this hint at the difference between books and art?
Taylor Swift reconciles a kind of impossibility of pop.
Music is a fight between arithmetic and geometry.
The tritone is too symmetrical.
What transgressions are there left?
Utopia is an oyster and history is the pearl.
Love is jaws. It disrupts the wholeness of utopia.
"If you can hear the dogwhistle you are the dog" - Douglas Murray.
Modern physics is reality's argument against the Enlightenment.
It is amusing that the American Philistine movement against postmodernism cites modern physics as an achievement of prepostmodern thought. What is quantum mechanics and 'relativity' if not postmodern? Did not these intellectual landmarks usher in the whole of skepticism.
Saying something as opposed to nothing is the definition of offensive speech.
One has to admit to being slightly challenged by Iran's holocaust cartoon competition in response to the claimed universalism of Islamic blasphemies.
The sanctity of wholeness imagined by the I and the catastrophe of its breaking.
The I builds a perfect whole of negation-mirrors and the fall is its collapse.
An ideological counterpoint to Schrödinger's definition of life.
I as information-entropy pump.
The broken symmetry in the Union Jacks' diagonal, antiborrowing the antisemitic motif from the Swastika, is hidden behind the Crucifix. A symbolic representation of the dialectic between Hegel's students; Bruno Bauer's essay The Jewish Question and Marx's response.
I have one piece of originality for you audience and that is parallels between the broken symmetry in the Swastika and the Union Jack compared to the heavy use of the hypersymmetrical tritone in blues music. An art-theoretic built on Shannon's entropy.
The five year old boy looked up at a high window, discovered his capacity to throw himself from it and witnessed the birth of his ego.
UK politics is now in the realm of higher order chmess.
At least children have an excuse.
In the beginning there was negation.
Negation is inherently spatial.
"On the other side" is as much a metaphor as "on the other hand".
"turning resignation into excitement and the baleful persistence of the past and its prose into a high and an addiction." - ibid.
"but one has not grasped the spirit and the impulse of the imagination of the multinationals in Postmodernism, which in new writing like cyberpunk determines an orgy of language and representation, an excess of representational consumption" - Jameson
In Hitchcock, following Genesis, it was a woman who entered utopia and upset the balance catastrophically. In Spielberg it was a shark.
Globalisation in one country.
In the last winter as we look with fear and trembling at the bleak midsummer and await future miseries.
Experts are the worst but intellectuals are even worse than that.
Science is the cleverest form of stupidity.
Heavy metal is the sound of libidinal inadequacy.
The guitar solo that follow's the remark 'In madness you dwell' in Metallica's The Thing That Should Not Be is the sound of sanity.
boardroom bedroom boredom
Kafka is an open-source stream-processing software platform developed by LinkedIn.
I am a function.
Modern warfare has shown outright rudeness in its refusal to provide us with great generals.
I'm making really good regress.
"plebeianization"
"... it is better to fight drugs by portraying them as vicious and silly, than by... endowing them with the otherwise glamorous prestige of genuine Evil, of the Transgressive in its most august religious majesty." - Jameson
This Universe isn't big enough for the one of me.
Blinded by bird shit to the eyes. Cured by the gall bladder of a fish.
People truly hate nonconformity. Hate is a necessary condition for it.
Only just occurred to me that a possible irony in the question of J.K. Rowling’s opinions is that she published under a man’s name.
The market makes everything the same. This is a kind of absolute limitation.
The best thing I can imagine happening is Disney+ turning me into a prince.
Whatismorebeautifullthanuncertainty
The very notion of totality is totalitarian. There can be no categories! Counter Aristotle!
That which prevents the acceleration of itself causes the acceleration of others.
A new language consisting solely of the question mark and the exclamation mark.
Euclid’s definition of a point is “that which has no parts”. Mine is “that which is between nothing and something”.
History is not ironic but sarcastic.
There was a question asking what was the meaning of short texts. The answer is pornography or aphorism.
When rebellion is rewarded there is no courage in rebellion.
There is no such thing as a definition.
Identifying yourself as conformist is nonconformist.
Taylor Swift doesn't exist based conspiracy theory.
History is forever trying to outdo its last irony.
The tribar reenacts sublation.
Utopia is absolute disappointment. No problems is equal to no excuses and all delusions would clear to reveal absolute disillusionment.
The majority of popular opinions are not held by anybody.
I quite literally cannot be bothered to read any of the top five books ever written.
free speech - utopia - free market
Fifteen minutes of fame now seems blissfully short.
I have divided my mind perfectly down the middle in to good and bad.
I had a thought longer than 280 characters and was disgusted by it.
The obscene thought. The guilt-full self punishment. The perfect separation of the two.
Social media emerges to form a model of the internal dialectic.
Who knew hell would be full of so many jokes.
"Economic growth is arithmetic but debt grows geometrically."
The philosophy of poverty The poverty of philosophy The poverty of historicism The historicism of poverty
good begets good is a pure and fundamental error
I could never be friends with someone who thinks the tomato is a fruit.
"the transition from socialism to capitalism."
If television is "psychoanalysis in reverse" what is Twitter?
"the discourse of ideologemes"
cured by a fish gall bladder
blinded by a bird shit to the eye
Brexit is the return of the repressed.
I claim that any referendum no matter what the question will yield a 50-50 split. The antagonisms express themselves within a shared code.
We wanted something to hate each other about and leaving the European Union will do.
The tomato serves the same function in the supermarket as North Korea plays in the world.
"My analysis implies that likes or unlikes mate when that maximizes total household commodity output over all marriages, regardless of whether the trait is financial..., or genetical..., or psychological..." - Becker
electricity presents such a problem because it is the same as its idea
plus and minus
i want the equal to and the not equal to
the fact that equality and diversity are literal opposites is key to the appeal of their composite
"For to him who feels the smart of pain, has Nature given the gift of tears." - Wagner
"Romance is the centre of narrative heterogeneity and freedom from the reality principle" - Jameson
"For I am the angel Raphael, one of the seven who stand before the Lord." - Book of Tobit
"Take with thee of the gall of the fish, for it will be necessary." - Book of Tobit
"Hear me, and I will shew thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail." - Book of Tobit
"Dost thou seek the family of him thou hirest, or the hired servant himself to go with thy son?" - Book of Tobit
"A beautiful angel who is a master of music, Israfil sings praises to God in a thousand different languages, the breath of which is used to inject life into hosts of angels who add to the songs themselves."
"And the trumpet shall be blown, so all those that are in the heavens and all those that are in the earth shall swoon, except him whom Allah will; then it shall be blown again, then they shall stand up awaiting." — Qur'an (39.68)
Gesamtkomödiewerk
Gesamtkunstwerk - five stars
the left and right must be brothers because only brothers can hate each other that much
what is to not be done
the sunk cost fallacy in libidinal cathexion
there are two mirror planes on every adjective
"Music is a world within itself" - Stevie Wonder.
the cinema eases the nausea of being able to choose where to look
what greater criticism than excellent
Avengers is the principle liberal text.
An immanent critique of the immanent critique.
The statement has a different function than providing photographic evidence.
My penis is nine centimeters long in a metric and Europeanised counter to Kendrick Lamar's nine inches as if Christendom and capital exerted itself in large cocks and atheism in small.
How much is your citizenship worth to you? I'd sell mine for a million easy but what is worth? 50 grand?
allowing citizens to trade votes
the consequences of allowing citizens to trade citizenship
minimum wage is a form of currency manipulation
capitalise Me and decapitalise i
if you are enjoying yourself you are not in my target audience
making the audience chorus is a form of cruelty
art is zero money is one everything else lies in the middle
fossilised labour
a work of art is a commodity with exactly zero copies
the work of art is produced
It is impossible to spell Nietzsche and bourgeois.
highly trained in bourgeois passive aggression
Different to what? Everything is different to something.
Are you punching up or down? Am I above or below myself?
do you ever look up at the heavens and just think how incredibly significant i am
Curt Girdle
there's nothing that can't be fucked up with a sufficiently bad attitude
"A mutual contract between adults for regulating the use of sex organs for pleasure" - Kant's definition of marriage.
I read the finest Western literature and then write what I have learnt here; as food is to shit.
i used my life productively for nothing
if i am a loser then how do i have a platinum trophy on Witcher 3?
i think i was awake once in 1999
"If this was a business mediocrities like you would be fired." - me. "But, where will I go? What will I do?" - my son.
had a really good wank over my guilt last night
someone has left an unattended opportunity to debase myself
they killed christianity to make us more christian
guilt is my child and if you kill it i become a grieving bear; dangerous and wilful
i cut hell in half and made a failing star
failing in love
success is failing with style
The educated swallow the same arguments but in longer sentences.
the child species
I would not grab a woman by the pussy. I would, in the appropriate circumstances, politely ask if I could touch her cunt.
Don’t compare yourself to how you were last year. You will never live up to that. Instead compare yourself to other people. As long as you’re declining slower than them you can be happy.
“n-alectics”
here's an opinion for you to repeat
a was a
the world is words with limits
value is to desire what entropy is to energy
history is a bit embarrassing isn't it
you can't annoy all the people all the time
everything is a mistake but there are good mistakes and bad mistakes
unemployment-seeker
a metonymy by any other catachresis would surely spell as synecdoche
language was a mistake
carbon offsetting is our religion's indulgences
second comedy
If you freeze a Republican they die due to the crystallisation of water damaging the cells in a revenge of the snowflakes.
life is a bad fairground theme ride
fell out of zero
"Facts don't care about feelings" "The feeling is mutual" "Caring is a feeling" "So facts can feel something?" "Facts care about other facts" "They are very emotional and chauvinistic"
unstory
i glued banana skins to my feet to live in a world without friction
my head is oppositeland
The Voyager mission was the high point of human superstition
-- == + but ++ != -
Instagram-Spotify-Twitter
text is not textural
cash in one hand whip in t'other
replacing the ontology of the enemy of my enemy is my friend with that of the friend of my friend is my enemy
if i really believed that then i would do this and since i don't i don't
ok i'll hate you but only if you agree to hate me in return
on its deathbed Lehman Brothers made a cryptic remark
i'm going to make them an offer they can't accept
the joke attempts to make the unintentional intentional
to escape money by earning as much as possible or as little as possible
if only the truth were so easily decided as by counting deaths
i got confused and accidentally instagrammed my failures and blamed god for my successes
i dislike your success but i hate your modesty
mirror transformations
labour is leisure and leisure is labour
consumption is production and production is consumption
you can't criticise nothing
"History progresses by failure rather than by success" - Walter Benjamin
we have reached a level of meta game playing where good faith discussion is a form of bad faith
if you think you have free speech try saying i dont like you to your boss
i cant be bothered to not work
i offset my carbon by taking away childrens trips to disneyland
i killed a few people but i offset it by buying new births
does this mass age have a happy ending
the little bang was the primal scene
if the big bang was the start of the universe what was the little bang
Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
a and not a is true for the empty a
libidinal macroeconomy
one misreading of Hegel led to millions of deaths and so did the opposite reading
paradise needs trouble more than trouble needs paradise
the world spirit is alive
the modern atheist wants to be vaccinated without taking the vaccine
you are not interesting enough for me to hate you
is a corollary of loving your enemies hating your friends
the golden record is high kitsch
Voyager space probe as performance art
all currency is cryptic
cryptic currency
cosmonomy
do you have more or less control after death
atheism vs untheism
An expert solves the problems set to them by others, like a child doing an exam.
Everything the camera touches turns to television.
It’s not for everyone. It’s not for anyone.
So gross how dogs sniff each other’s bums when they meet. I usually leave it till the third date.
JUST DO ID.
There is no shame in inferiority. What is shameful is being ashamed.
The benefit of a monarchy is that the king is a contemptible figure who knows himself to be a pathetic fraud. The democrat thinks he deserves to rule!
An intentional ambiguity which invites the audience to project their own biases is a kind of betrayal.
The most basic requirement of friendship is shared delusions.
Inferiority simple. Superiority simple. Inferio-superiority complex.
The work of art produced by a marriage is categorically different to that made by an individual. It is characterised by constraint.
To go to a restaurant at ten. To eat breakfast and drink and eat lunch. To go all the way and eat dinner and vomit drunk in the street.
There is nothing so certain as an intentional uncertainty.
Gay sex is a kind of physical irony.
Tough choices are never tough for the chooser.
I predict that a documentary about the production of televisions would not necessarily be successful.
Monopus, duopus, triopus, quadrapus, pentapus, hexapus, heptapus, octopus, nonopus, decapus, hendecapus, dodecapus,…
Love is a great and terrifying calamity that inspires villains as much as lovers.
The United States was a mistake. But us mistakes rule the world.
There is a genetic relation between the sexual structure of the family and the Trinity.
Popper’s Logic of Scientific Discovery would have been a much neater inversion of Hegel’s Science of Logic if it had simply been Logic of Science.
Compensation is an absurdity.
The television was built by engineers. But you still need artists to fill it up with shit.
Presumably the child actor who played Harry Potter’s nemesis in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Chris Columbus, 2001) was genuinely envious of Daniel Radcliffe.
Would it be possible to do science by sending questions to a person in the world and getting their answers?
"I hate you." "Ok, but I just redefined me as you."
The current whole manifests as a choice between two opposites.
The subject of every sentence is its writer.
Jordan B. Peterson is a neomodernist.
The shitter the words the more they cost.
You can measure the quality of a teacher by the scale of the hatred between his students.
The infinity of all sentences. Negating them away to reveal the sculpture within.
I maintain my claim that artificial insemination has already given us a genuine virgin birth and that this represents a metaphysical puzzle.
All intelligence is artificial.
Is not the virgin birth the most perfect statement of fictionality? Is not artificial intelligence our attempt to realise it?
Two adjectives create four categories. Capitalist communism, uncapitalist communism, capitalist uncommunism and uncapitalist uncommunism.
Neotestament.
Is RAND corporation an intentional reference to Ayn Rand? Is Willy Wonker an intentional reference to wanking a willy? Two questions among many.
I want to apply reason to most efficiently write my irrationality across the world in red paint and pink punctuation.
A large and physically imposing man once called my dad a "wanker" in a driving dispute. My dad responded "yes I am, I have a wank every day".
It is common to criticise the UK prime minister for laziness. Being a proud lazy person I see this as neither true nor a criticism. Being prime minister seems like a huge effort to me. I once spent an entire summer playing the Witcher 3. That is the true act of the lazy man.
Rationality won the battle for the self in the war of rational self interest and made the self zero.
I want my state to be hypocritical. The logically consistent state is the seed of men's nightmares.
If there is no alternative then all these speech acts can have no effect as the future is already determined.
We are born believers and must each kill God anew.
Living in the realm of sentences.
The job of the public intellectual is put himself between children and ideas and thus derive power from limiting the supply.
Determinism is an instrument.
The idea that your opinions are genetically determined is inherited.
Sajid Javid explicitly went against the rule of law by sparing a known terrorist from trial. I consider the act a portent.
The mythological content of electricity can be traced from the electric chair to the electric car.
I like hangovers because it is the only time in your life when things get better with time.
The difference between rank maximisation and metric maximisation.
A series of neatly aggressive dialectical moves.
Love is the attempt to define love.
Thought is falling.
A yet to be discovered train of thought that leads to the grave in 56 minutes.
Is it possible to think yourself dead?
Tailor make a set of causes which don’t conflict with your material interests.
The internet is hell because it doesn't have any mirrors.
The burden of proof belongs to the person who claims the burden of proof lies with others.
The aim is to actually be an atheist. You can't just say you are one without proof.
Reverse engineered value measures.
"Something is provided for everyone so that none may escape" - Adorno.
Knowledge that can be expressed in sentences is countably infinite.
If you believe one person can know more than another person then you have to believe in God unless you can somehow set a limit above which knowledge could not increase.
That which attempts to defy analysis is the most easily analysed.
The value function, V, given some accessible value correlated metric M (such as money) might be probed by assuming rational V maximisation and a one to one relation between V and M.
"Done is better than perfect" - The designer of the Titanic.
I'd rather be stupid and the cleverest person on earth than clever and the stupidest person on earth, I'm not stupid.
The European Union is like life; you didn’t ask for it but when you’re in its midst, the effort and courage required to get out makes you think twice and drink Champagne.
People are rationally self interested in general and I’m a person so it’s probably the most sensible choice for me if I chose to jump in that bush.
A lot of atheists don’t seem to grasp the catastrophe of life.
A joke is a tear.
Imagine if there was someone on Twitter from another world.
Every man hangs on to his crumb of disadvantage.
Politics is that which divides us.
"The song of the piano is a discourse, the song of the cello is an elegy, the song of the guitar is a song." - Eugenio d'Ors.
"The guitar is like an orchestra whose sounds come from a planet smaller and more delicate than ours" - Andrés Segovia
Has anything ever changed everything?
Give your enemies quotes to use against you.
You are excluded from the universal.
Cultural arbitrage.
The "woke corporation" is an interesting paradoxical trope. The right against capital. Communist CEOs. Cummunocapital.
The Duke of Sussex is planning to have a maximum of two children and a minimum of ten.
"" "" ""
I am a hole in myself.
If current trends continue, by the year 2050, I will be extremely drunk.
My toaster contains more computational power than was used to send man to the moon but that is because I accidentally toasted my iPhone.
Tradition dictates that the linguistic idea should go on the final beat of a framing sentence but fuck that, fuck you and fuck everyone.
teraflipflop
I can use the word sextillions without thinking about lions.
Is your anger an attempt to flatter me?
The moral people are the frightening ones. The self interested won't kill you because it isn't in their interest.
The trouble with nuclear power is it's too good. We want to punish ourselves a bit.
Aliens exist and we are them.
The nineties gave us alienated Friends. The 2000s bodies without organs. The 2010s multiple mothers.
I'm asexual between sex acts.
The radical sexual freedom associated with the removal of sexual essentialism.
Most analysis is just a flag.
There is no evidence solely within Twitter for a round earth though. We rely on other Twitter users having access to the same world.
"Philosophy should not be the handmaiden to the sciences. It should be the handmaiden to the arts." - Roger Scruton.
"The population is simultaneously more left wing and more right wing than parliament" - Cummings.
postutopia
So what you're saying is that social being doesn't condition consciousness?
Descartes only is when you read the Cogito.
Hell has a comic rhythm.
Twitter is the commodification of speech.
To save time, and be more efficient, I have written funeral oratories for all my friends so they can read and enjoy them now.
Bear grills Bear Grylls. Justice.
"Under these circumstances, even more marginal and degraded experiences -- such as the hobby -are called upon to transmit distant glimpses of what humanly satisfying activities are like, glimpses distorted and amputated by their medium." - Postmodernism, F. Jameson.
Everybody to the Playstation to get on the Playtrain to Playcommute then Playwork then Playsleep in your Playcold Playempty Playbed.
The Categorical Suggestion
Never give up.* * Unless you are doing something bad then please give up as soon as possible.
There are exactly three sentences. All the others are style.
It takes a lot of capital to make a man that makes sentences like this.
That compromise between repetition and uniqueness is set by mental labour.
How does an economic idea fail? It turns to drink and lives in a bedsit ranting about the successful economic ideas.
Render nostalgic characters in the nostalgic mode.
"... one of the fundamental features of the postmodern as such, namely, the absolute exclusion of interpretive possibilities." - Frederick Jameson
The law of unintended causes.
A world without bullshit wouldn't be worth living in.
Populism is an excess of democracy.
Ian Fleming's dialectical move of rendering Marx's "spectre that is haunting Europe" as the real organisation SPECTRE is to make the ghost man.
"In the past the artist produced fictions. Now we are surrounded my fictions, the artist must produce reality." - J. G. Ballard.
Energylism
A great love for misreading.
Physical aggression is castrated by representation.
Waste space.
"A mistake repeated is intentional"
Amy Winehouse died in 1969.
The purpose of exams is to reduce standards.
Sentences are words when you aren't thinking.
By stating clear analysis in the bourgeois idiom Malcolm X revealed the typical function of the idiom as a sign for power.
Write between the eyes.
Write between the lines.
Culture is the hole in material self-conception.
The material interest of each agent in the culture game at equilibrium with the theoretical analysis within the cultural artefact.
Equilibrium culture.
Is self criticism hypocritical?
"Fuck you." is the noise mosquitoes make when they are crushed.
As stone cold as Malcolm X's scorn for liberals.
What is the difference between the difference between two cans of Coke and the difference between two cathedrals.
Television programmes are like electricity; you need them for the television to work.
Flattery trades.
I like the stamp on my neck to come from an intelligent person.
Idea for new political party that absolves you of guilt.
The triangle of triangles.
The square of squares.
Stay out of the national conversation, it isn't a good one.
Call it impossible to make it more likely.
Mid life crisis isn't so bad. It's basically the same as the 499/1000 life crisis.
status trading on the status market
Could an act such as murder be linguistic and take the form of a lie such that it is prohibited by the categorical imperative.
Happiness is the final stage of giving up.
The happiness of pursuit.
Plagiarism is the second highest form of flattery. Being accused of plagiarism is the highest.
How to let an algorithm see itself in a mirror?
It's undemocratic but there are also bad things about it.
"the technology of television production makes stereotypy almost inevitable" - ibid.
"To study television shows in terms of the psychology of the authors would almost be tantamount to studying Ford cars in terms of the psychoanalysis of the late Mr. Ford." Adorno, How to Look at Television.
We need to talk about the fact that men can't reproduce after the annihilation of all life on earth.
When everybody has some characteristic nobody has it.
Uma Thurman as the Bride (code name Black Mamba) in Kill Bill is asexual.
YouPorn is the end state of the Enlightenment project.
The confidence of speech coincident with a complete lack of thought.
The job of the actor is to assign a crude smiley to each ideological fragment.
The dialectical move from hating your teachers to loving how easily they welcome you into obedience is staged by you and for you.
I prefer antisocial media.
The internet permitted free speech under the proviso that nobody listens.
I don't like the unternet. It seems fake.
How to look at the internet
Weapons grade bullshit
Free listening.
If love is not kind is it unkind? Is hate?
Science is the means. Art is the end.
If they accidentally insult you and then apologise you know it was on purpose.
Logical errors permit the physiological.
The notion of an award is tied up with the notion of “should”.
What I love about money is that it is philosophy, psychology, and mathematics all in one!
I am perfectly capable of deluding myself so can be happy at will.
I reserve my most brutal criticism for my own self.
The cultural product is delivered with an accompanying flattering ego ideal of an imagined consumer for the actual consumer. This is presented as the highest moral act. “Give me no more of your vain ablations!”
Our youth culture was worthless. We love it!
Choose fertility and propagate the chooser. Choose death and end choice.
The I-they cannot believe in evolutionary theory. To do so would be to deny itself.
The I word supposes its wholeness. The I-they sublates it.
The I is divided. Its parts are distinct. They have no duty to consistency.
Cyclical preferences are not incoherent if the I is a plural they.
I have never met a weirdo by definition.
Just war theory boils down to “he started it!”
Cruel truths about the world are easier to bear than petty truths about yourself.
Where some act has no culprit the only theory possible is conspiracy.
The primal scene is the little bang.
The primal scene is the demarcation between objective and subjective origin.
The child reads the critique first. The adult goes direct to the source.
The more origins are demystified the more they are mystified.
I'm contradicting myself with the very form of language I use but either or both might be lying.
Sentences don't imply the existence of God unless you read them.
Fundamental physical particles are actual commodities without fetish. They lack any of the specific, and retain the pure idea.
If you reject the blank slate theory of mind then what ideas can you not hold? Or are they tautologically inexpressible?
The construction of the subject viewed from inside might be different to the same viewed from outside.
A problem with opinions is you choose them. Material interests are objective.
"What is your answer?" "Which is most annoying?"
I'd never be so arrogant as to claim some cause more important than myself.
The Borromean Venn diagram
The German Fake News
Where do you stand on hogging?
If there is no utopia, then either there can be no improvement in which case we already live in utopia or the situation can improve in multiple directions in which case there are multiple utopias. But multiple utopias could be ranked. Therefore there is exactly one utopia.
Seeking refuge in the contingency of opinion from the frightening analysis required by my material interests.
If you are willing to deploy rational argument in speech how can I trust you wont do the same with your actions?
"Owing to the constantly increasing concentration of leaseholds, Ireland constantly sends her own surplus to the English labour market, and thus forces down wages and lowers the material and moral position of the English working class." - Marx
Taxi drivers live outside.
The countryside is virtual reality.
The wall was the ultimate communist symbol. Now we are on the other side.
Make sentences that don't fit.
The free marketeers want to impose trade tariffs and reduce freedom. The communists want to create free trade areas and globalised labour free to move where capital wants it.
North Korea makes hamburgers taste nicer.
The subject, the object, and the hidden third category.
General theory of subjectivity.
The I is a pure crystalline idea which we all imagine. It is the space between the specific and the general.
There is exactly one I.
There can only be one I.
The death of the object.
You can accept the subjectivity of a finite region of space so why not accept the subjectivity of all space?
Disproof of God by non hierarchical subjects. No subject can contain a subject distinct from itself. Since I am a subject, nothing containing me can be a subject. Therefore since the universe contains me it cannot be a subject.
Programming language is the misnomer of the age.
Perfection is something missing.
Deaths could only disprove the labour theory of value if the theory made predictions about deaths.
The grammar of the woke implies the exact dividing line between asleep and awake. It is a postmodern aufhebung.
Jaws is the Birds without a woman.
The accidental dialectic between media.
Sentences suppose God.
Me doesn't think therefore it doesn't know that it is.
Only a genius could be a blank slate.
Reading something you agree with isn't reading it's wanking.
The large time scales of cosmology and evolution are their to distract you from the disgustingly recent primal scene.
Your origin can only be demystified once.
The meat patty is inside a condom.
Stasis is utopia
A theory of necessary theoretical supplements.
The faked moon landings conspiracy theory closes an ontological loop.
Actual sex is experiment. Pornography is the theory.
Generating text is how you know you're alive.
If the same word describes two things it has no use in contrasting them.
Symptomatic relief from postmodernity.
Can this only be true if at equilibrium the supply of labour is equal to the demand for labour?
I call this the left-right equivalence principle.
At equilibrium the labour theory of value is equivalent to the supply-demand curve.
Talking about the importance of free speech is a means to avoid deploying it with utmost savagery.
The answer to every question you ask me shall be my fist on your nose.
Voting is the highest form of superstition.
Too alienated or not alienated enough?
The ice cold intellectual aggression of Malcolm X contrasted with the searing sentimentality of Martin Luther King.
Elderly nation seeks unlikeminded enemy with GSOH for maintaining sense of purpose and justifying abolition of rule of law.
You analyse a social order and you critique an analysis.
neofeudalism
postfeudalism
neocapitalism
postcommunism
Imagine if someone said "I'm sorry but" and they were actually sorry.
When you have nothing left to say say that someone is stopping you from saying it.
To those kids who didn't get the exam results they wanted today don't worry life disappointments will get much more vicious very quickly.
Common sense is the rightist name for theory.
A critique must be of an argument not any materially existing thing such as social or economic phenomena.
Actions can not be illogical or logical, only arguments.
The university was abolished in 1900.
So tragic to think of all those middle aged orgies cut short in the flooding of doggerland.
Industrial humour
superlime
The self-reflexive nostalgic mode.
We live inside the advert.
To dwell on life is to walk backwards.
Framing your sentences dishonestly.
democracy or freedom or the rule of law
Inability to attain it is exactly its allure.
Own the football pitch of ideas.
I can be more intellectually vicious than you can.
Is strategy in the open possible?
True
False
Sentences are shadows.
Twitter is the land of shadows.
The appeal to social norms is the negotiating tactic of the loser.
The undividual
"I think" means "the narratives associated with the material position I want to present myself as having are"
The individual has no personality.
Discussion limits itself to the irrelevant.
But if I engage in good faith, I find I have nothing to say of any interest on any topic.
Sovereignty is necessary. The question is for who.
The I split along infinite binary classifications.
I am a dividual.
The dividual is harder to control than the individual.
I can never remember which bin the straight people go in.
Every act to reduce the state increases the state.
The dividual
leisure industry != industrial leisure
After much thought I have decided being bisexual is the best thing for my CV.
Every serious economist believes that buying Champagne is bad for your personal finances. And yet here I am buying it. Pouring it over my nipples. A flagrant destruction of value. And yet do you find no value in this decadent fountain?
When your debtor says they want less debt that means more for you.
Promiscuity is modern morality.
The one night stand is the prime obedience.
Leisure is the mirror image of labour.
The crucial aspect of the computer game is a population of billions can all be ranked first. There is no intersubject arithmetic.
You must admit there is something remarkable in the fact the principle leisure activity of our age, computer games, is largely structured around the act of performing labour. In Grand Theft Auto you do jobs and invest in the stock market. The difference to reality is the wage.
Is there then a double refutation of Marx's labour theory of value? It is not the labour invested in the commodity which gives it value. It is my labour in the construction of commodities for exchange that give the object value.
In the game Zelda, clothes and weapons cost rupees (why the reference to India?) but crucially take zero of any resource (no labour, no materials) to manufacture. This hints at a crucial psychological aspect to the purchase. I would not enjoy simply having them.
The way markets, prices, and profits operate in video games is a vast untapped experimental resource for micro and behavioural economics.
The exchange value lost at the point of purchase is a direct measure of the experiential pleasure of the purchase itself.
Force happiness upon them.
Is there more than one contradiction?
The myth of the masked Russian is central to the American libido.
Your labour market position is correlated with the correlations between labour market position and gender at your position.
What are the material causes for sex and gender becoming a seat of debate?
In a world of rank maximising individuals everything is a zero sum game.
To hold Burke and Marx together in your mind and consider neither fully wrong.
The newspaper is at once the cause and consequence of clustered sets of individuals. The combination of moronic essays with a coherent advertising market moulds material alliances into narrative arcs.
You are your follower count.
In a system of rank maximising individuals you would expect those below the median to favour random reordering (social mobility) and those above to disfavour it.
The freedom to do what you want within the rigid confines of wants.
The idea of the maverick fighter pilot is the perfect example of the paradox of the postmodern subject.
The maverick is the archetypal obedient subject.
Discussion of academic freedom seems to assume the age of the amateur. Does any other job permit freedom? Freedom for taxi drivers to drive where they want. Freedom for hairdressers to cut your hair how they want. To be professional is to be unfree.
One of the strangest things about the right wing defence of academic freedom is the idea of the maverick academic. Have they ever seen an academic?
The difference between assuming the individual is maximising money and maximising rank.
Material interests aggregate into equilibrium clusters and the ideological narratives grow from that soil. What is the alternative position? Vice versa or feedback?
Television is like Christianity or immunisation; I want everyone else to consume it so I don't have to.
I don't read a newspaper because my material interests don't aggregate with a large enough group to create a market for our advertising consumption.
Birds are beautiful in their specificity, men in their universality.
Birds are beautiful in the opposite way to people.
What is vulgar content compared to vulgar style?
Making a Murderer is a conspiracy theory.
When I retire I'm going to watch the Simpsons I recorded off the telly onto VHS. I'm going to dress up in my old school uniform and wear a mask with a picture of my 14 year old self on it. And I'm going to claim it is perfectly modern. Weird?
I don’t eat Happy Meals. They are for the little people.
If only I put as much thought into my life choices as I put into choosing that bunch of bananas.
Humiliation was our primary complaint. To persuade us they brought in the professional humiliators.
Losing your atheism can lead to a crisis of self identity in a world which suddenly seems devoid of meaning.
North Korea plays an important psychological function for both China and America.
Politics presents itself as a decision. But what I want is a description.
Sanity consists in protecting almost everything from analysis.
One expression of genius is to replace a law with a tautology.
We are all cut from the same whole cloth.
What you say you think, what you think you think, and what you actually think can all be different at the same time.
The banality of the new
A novel is a well filled out form.
Democracy creates class.
We are all Andy Dufresne, and like Dufresne, we are all guilty.
hypomarkets
Undermarkets
By complete coincidence my self interest is in line with contemporary morality.
A supermarket isn't an extreme market. It's not a market but above markets.
I is to me what God is to Truth.
half child policy
You can be too anything.
Do you really believe there isn't a mapping between every sentence and its truth value?
postmodern neo-Marxism | neomodern post-Marxism
The typical grammatical slips with I and me reflect the truth that there can be no subject in a we.
A distinction between I and me is theist.
science and reason or science or reason
I have memorised pi to two letters.
Financial success as a kind of mysticism.
Paying not to see adverts is paying not to look in a mirror.
Revenge is a dish best served cold and always in disagreeably large portions.
Confusion as a necessary but insufficient condition.
Oedipus cannot be sublated because to sublate is Oedipal.
Introducing German articles for all new genders.
The notion of a video tour of a one room Bed-Sitting room.
It is terrifying and comforting to realise all your thoughts are typical.
The orgasm is structured around the impossible desire for the perfect orgasm. The film is structured around the impossible desire for the perfect film. The film succeeds when it successfully evokes its own failure.
Imaginary arguments.
¡One Hundred and Fifty Essays Against the Age!
News is that which doesn't change your understanding of the world.
The ego requires a position in the social schema. Without one it must either reject the schema or consider itself a God.
It is a mistake to presume someone supports some cause for the reason claimed by the cause.
The dream of logically necessary categories!
Mirror questions. Does free will exist? Does anything other than free will exist?
law and order or law or order
Me doesn't believe in God.
The true atheist doesn't speak.
The best jokes exclude only God.
A joke is a classification of people into inside and outside.
God is zero. I is the finite difference tending to zero. Zero doesn't exist except as a limit.
God is the universal and perfect I. There can be no individual imperfect Is without that idea.
Andy Dufresne is guilty.
Intelligence is attractive because it sets the limits on how complicated your relationship can be.
OBEdient
The best thing about not trying is you never learn your limitations, which may lie just around the corner.
The traditional gender role for a man is to be a flabby, chairbound, inoffensive, obedient, and effeminate bureaucrat. Women are welcome to it.
If there is no alternative there is no power. Power is power to choose between multiple possible outcomes.
The end of democracy is coincident with the end of comunocapitalism. The binary opposites disappearing into a whole takes away the possibility of choice which forms the basis of a demos.
We know the end of democracy is coming but we don't know which of us most fully embodies that end.
I is a social construct.
A serious error occurred.
Hunger has a smell.
Priti Patel is the latest politician to call for a ban on multiplying prime numbers.
Politics is higher order chmess.
The first lie of the period drama is that sex got better after 1968.
Bypass the audience and flatter the critics.
But artists are the people who least understand concepts.
A salary remains the best way to close a mouth.
If you are not offended then I think you may have miscounted whether there were an even or odd number of layers of irony.
Freud thought that landscapes in dreams represent women. That is why we want to fuck the environment.
I'm trying to get rid of all my unconscious biases by making them conscious.
There is a survivor bias in conservative aesthetics; we only remember the good stuff.
The means to an eternity.
No, I'm not a phoney. I actually am a phoney.
Changing you mind is like changing a light bulb; it can be done but it is easier to sit in the dark.
I never make love to someone I agree with. If needs must I simply change my opinions.
The theology of Detective Columbo.
Christian music involves taking Christianity out of music and putting it in the lyrics.
Thinking is perverse because it seeks the whip.
Swearing is universal in order to eradicate it.
Train a neural network on a computationally irreducible cellular automata.
There is something tautological in value. That which is valuable is valuable.
There is something tautological in sexual attraction. It is sexy to be sexy.
Inversion of the definition of causality in terms of sufficient reason at later time to define later time in terms of causality.
Hatred increases in proportion to similarity.
The sheer rudeness of Europeans for learning to speak English! The open aggression of speaking it well.
An extension of Fisher's argument for the equal sex ratio to the political sphere. I state it as "At equilibrium there will be two modes of political thought and half the population will belong to each".
Holes in ontology.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Go for the face.
You can only ruin the party if you are at the party.
Only politics develops a categorisation of all aspects and positions into binary schools of thought. This is because only politics contains itself in its object. The self reference establishes a mirror plane.
The intellect of the left presents itself like a strutting and splendid peacock. That of the right like the final words of a dying professor.
Quint is intentionally fed to Jaws by the other two.
I use metric measurements in public and imperial in the bedroom.
"Non-bullshit Marxism." "But bullshit was my favourite part."
Climate change has adopted the language of 'strike' in a postmodern irono-communist move.
Simple statements are wild, insane and catastrophic.
Sufficiently oblique to appear insightful to a fool.
Equilibrium electoral dynamics consists in opposing forces about the median. But we are not living in a time of equilibrium.
The dialectic of dialectics.
That which has been described can never exist again.
Art was the first cryptocurrency.
Depression is for people who lack the intellect to fully embrace misery.
Do not stoop so low as to say whether it is good or bad. Simply say what it is.
If you want someone to hate you respect their intelligence.
Saying that which everyone accepts is to demonstrate that you don't want to say anything.
The tomato is a vegetable. Modernity denies this in direct opposition to reality. If you don't accept its false opposite you are excluded.
Two means to destroy the totalisality of labour market relations.
Television's dying breath will be used to warn of the dangers of the internet.
Communism and capitalism are like men and women; two forms of the same species.
The English have the good manners to stay ignorant.
subject-object mirror-predicate object-subject
I'm fighting against it in order to maintain it forever.
Television's dying breath will be used to warn of the dangers of the internet.
It is hypocritical to eat your dinner, because if everybody ate your dinner there wouldn't be enough.
There is a very real and present danger that if, through the application of genius, we make a sufficiently advanced artificial intelligence it won't kill us.
Praising someone's intellect is a neat way to call them stupid.
Agreeing with you seemed the most aggressive way forward.
A Marxist is someone who knows how and why Marx was wrong.
The atheist dedicates his life to proving that love is not kind.
Hell would be bearable if it wasn't for the Guardian articles.
Overthrow communism.
Global warming is the perfect fantasy because it is real. It is the material form of narrative.
fe is the negative root of un
The end of capital is one and the same thing as the end of North Korea.
The first lie of capitalism is that it exists.
If you want to hurt a child, let it do what it wants.
Communism completes the Borromean knot as the final flaw in the completeness of Capitalism presenting its negative as the enemy that sustains the whole. Communism is not uncapitalism but fecapitalism. To destroy capitalism, destroy communism.
Since stand up explicitly breaks the fourth wall by engaging directly with the audience Stewart Lee instead reconstructs the wall.
"Plagiarism only occurs if the work is not bettered by the borrower" - Milton
Science is the world's greatest Excel spreadsheet.
There's nothing so depressing as an optimist.
What is the mere biology of an ant to the vast cathedral of social constructs.
My life's work is the construction of a deluded excuse.
I’m willing for others to suffer for my art.
Do pants and socks ever get frightened blowing about on the washing line?
The period drama portrays the present through its crude statement of the lie of moral progress.
I’m ashamed of my sexuality. That is what I most enjoy about it.
Brexit is probably less damaging to the economy than austerity but it targets a group not accustomed to being intentionally attacked through sheer spite.
On the beach Andy Dufresne is depressed.
If I won the lottery I would spend it on life insurance.
Andy Dufresne is the only man who can sustain an erection.
The smaller the impact the more moral the action (an argument against moral action).
Every fantasy is the Shawshank Redemption.
Perhaps you think about somebody differently depending on whether they call you a King or small.
Your true self is your purely imagined self delusion.
What draws me to Islam and not Christianity is the comparison between Martin Luther King and Malcolm X.
Conversation is a means to move away from the truth.
In the future artificial intelligence will force us to mate like we do the pandas.
Instrumental language.
Global warming is the Sun's revenge.
The Sun is a filthy communist. It just gives energy and light without asking anything in return.
Accommodation is a Ponzi scheme.
The original bin.
The permanent infinitext.
It's never to late to experience your worst nightmare.
The brand is to capitalism what the gene is to biology.
Conversatainment.
Why do people on Desert Island Disks take books they’ve already read?
Subjectivity is sexuality. To be gendered is to be subject. This is the parallel, or ontological, cosmology.
The world is a bin.
In the future there will be one bin for every individual piece of rubbish. These single use bins will then have to be stored under arctic ice but there will be no-one alive to use them. They will have to be buried by artificial intelligence.
"I don't want no deal." "Are you deploying negative concordance as is typical in continental grammars?"
"What would you say is your worst trait?" "I like bad bitches that's my fucking problem."
The return of the amateur.
Darwin was the last great amateur. Kant was the first great professional.
Balancing the books as a metaphor for death.
Emotional intelligence is a contradiction.
If it's possible to follow your country's politics from abroad it's not politics.
Permatainment.
Science is about objects. Art is about subjects.
If we are united then we can do anything. Therefore we can't do anything.
Europe Shrugged
Say fuck or don't say fuck but don't say f*ck or fck it's shit you cunt.
Today we lost a great white blond and gained a bad one.
Fuck is the language of Etonians. Saying fuck something hasn't had any power since primary school.
Time to die.
Everything presents as its opposite. Its name is its opposite. Its opposite is its identity.
To be promiscuous is to swim easily with the flow of contemporary capitalism. Monogamy and child rearing represent a radical departure and counter. The married families are the filthy communists.
Capital has absorbed its own critique so that to self describe as communist is to be the perfect capitalist subject.
Sharing articles behind a paywall is catfishing.
Actual free speech is extremely boring. Aggressively and formally disobedient speech is my personal favourite.
I can think of a way to 'solve the elderly care crisis once and for all.'
In the future everyone will be a bureaucrat, just like now.
Videos are like books but better. You get all the feelings of superiority without any of the downsides like remembering what it was about.
"The most effective revolutions leave the buildings standing but everything inside changed" - Kierkegaard.
You can't be genuinely aggressive without civility.
The culture industry is the opposite of culture.
There is no multiculturalism, only the culture industry.
England thinks it has more than one culture when it has zero.
It is adorable to see the successful middle aged professional politicians get upset because people are mean to them on the internet.
The ego must be distinct. It must take pride in its peculiarity not its generality.
Learning from mistakes is usually a mistake because you usually overreact. That's what I've learnt from mistakes.
It remains a mystery whether and why the film Free Willy (Simon Wincer 1993) evokes the notion of free will in its title.
Hating the world and loving the world is the ultimate split.
I'm not a pen pusher! I also pull it sometimes.
A theory can ask only ‘what is the same?’ It rejects differences.
Science is the accumulation of bizarre coincidences.
The tomiest of tomes.
Pinocchio said he had a small nose. Huge if true.
Grief can be like an infected tick bite. At first a red mark and some irritation. You walk and laugh it away but finally it brings you down.
Did you hear the one about Jim Davidson? He experienced a crushing career decline.
A speculum is haunting Uranus…
Let us be masochists for the truth!
I can’t dance but I sure can try.
The true I knows its own failure.
Success is being in the top ten percent of the income distribution. If you don’t know what a word means don’t use it.
Tongues can be cut out but pens are less easily restrained.
What’s new is the idea that culture doesn’t need to be new.
The material conditions for centrism are absent.
The Twenty First Century is a parody of the Twentieth Century.
Digital computation is the first technology which consumes more human labour in its operation than is replaced. The mechanical loom reduced the number of textile workers. The computer increased the number of computer workers.
The moon landings remake will be produced with a postmodern ironic distance in a pastiche of postmodern pastiche.
Retro moon landings.
The twenty first century is a pastiche of a pastiche.
I claim tha Madonna sung “we are living in a material world” and the least material point in history. Music; the least material art form. The commodity requires ideas and not matter to sustain itself.
Parody is an apology for not having any ideas.
"We hate debt." "Ok, we'll take on less debt." "No, our debt, not yours."
Satire is reaction in a digestible form.
Losers make better lovers.
Periodic table or someone bad at Tetris?
When people say A is B. I never know if I'm supposed to know what B is to understand A or vice versa like does love is kind define love or kindness. I think it means A is either a subset of B or equal to B.
It is so disappointing to find people who are willing to engage in fruitful discussion.
Fruit trees are magic money trees.
Price controls or other market interference is associated with a dead weight loss but is that true in all circumstances? Are there situations where their absence causes a dead weight loss? Asking for a friend.
Sadness is my favourite hobby.
If our labour is now almost entirely immaterial it cannot be explained by materialism.
Landing on the Moon is the opposite of Zarathustra coming back into the village.
Meta-amphetamine.
The internet is London by other means
It is the lesser of two evils but I’m evil so I’ll go for the other one.
The end of boredom is awful.
How is it that in the 1930s the average wage could support more than two people?
Authenticity is the ultimate pose.
Perfunctory Things
Straight but not heterosexual.
The heart of an atheist is fertile ground for the seed Christianity.
"Twenty first century culture is twentieth century culture distributed by high speed internet" - Mark Fisher.
Hate is patient, Hate is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Hate does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love speech is the real crime.
We are approaching the end game of the meta-Brexit party politics.
The encyclopaedia of contemporary comic modes.
A deeply pretentious meta-comic explosion.
Yes reading is worthy but I often find I just don't have the energy to finish and put the book down before getting to the end of the aphorism.
If 'LOVE WINS' what loses? Sex.
Peak human population is a terrifying portent.
The future was the period between 1999 and 2001.
A fall in the pound only matters if you have pounds.
Cybertime
The future has been cancelled.
When you agree with someone you know they are wrong.
The abolition of the genital follows Jameson's postmodern 'schizophrenic' subject. The question of the age is therefore does the double post follow the logic of negation of negation or negative concordance? Is it an anglophone or continental grammar?
Comedy cover versions?
Jacob Collier is to covers what Walter Benjamin is to translations. To more fully realise the intention of the original.
"We have all sufficient strength to support the misfortunes of others." - La Rochefoucauld.
Which side of the cultural divide you put your self on is uninteresting. Why this cultural axis now and what are its material causes?
Language is the ability to be wrong.
The human evolved out of the ontology of genitals. The object-subject opposition rendered material.
What was HS1?
The ideological shift from Man to human is making our minds anew in the cradle of the digital revolution.
The dominant form is to be materially straight but presenting as liberal and its opposite is sheer intellectual aggression.
My favourite sexual paradox is the category of materially engaging in homosexual acts but being culturally and ideologically straight.
¡The uncock!
We are all liars but we are distinguished by which lies we choose to tell.
Any new world order must reconcile the individual's desire to exist within an oppositional binary.
Anger at your politics being challenged shows how integral it is to your ego. This is a real source of confusion to me.
The material contingence of gender.
Given all models are wrong, why is the most useful model more wrong than the right model?
An accurate description of what we think is necessarily wrong.
Thought is self interest.
Jusr popped our for milk n shop was bad lolz
Speak as though your last words shall be written on your grave.
Building your own counter attacks to sustain a false narrative of yourself in relation to the other false narratives.
There is a terrifying beauty to the way markets can price in analysis to create a huge tower of impenetrability and resistance to analysis. It is the collective unconscious' super resistance. Karl Popper's the Poverty of Historicism itself is absorbed.
My favourite analyses are just scaffolding to my delusional ego.
Those books that are basically Why You Should Read This Big Famous Difficult Book are essentially accusing you of being too stupid to just go straight to the book itself.
Remember when teachers used to say “that is completely unacceptable” and it was like, ok, don’t accept it then, I’ll keep doing it.
There is exactly one object.
“I like big buts and I cannot lie” - Immanuel Kant.
I'm too lazy to bully people.
So aggressively self serving as to be detrimental to the self as a means to be obliquely altruistic in a zero sum game?
"What do you do?" "I'd prefer not to say."
She leant in and whispered "What is your greatest fantasy?". "I imagine I'm self-righteously fighting bigotry against those I envy."
An unpleasant truth easily verified is less damaging than an unpleasant lie which is hard to refute.
Bathing equally in the waters of crude popular slang and esoteric technical language allows you to be rude to everyone.
Prefer not to say. Prefer not to say 'prefer not to say'. Etc.
Has anyone trained a neural network on previous recessions? I think maybe after that worked the market would 'price in' the new knowledge in order to force it to be unpredictable again and forever.
Uber is 'seeking to increase diversity in management roles'. Why not driving roles? I'm guessing they account for a few more roles.
If AI is getting rid of human workers then why is productivity flat?
When dogs smell each other’s bums who has the power? The smeller or the smellee? Or does power have nothing to do with it?
I don’t want children because I’m worried they might grow up and become a successful engineer to solve global warming.
What I strange about right wing arguments based on the Laffer curve is they assume the definition of good tax policy is maximising tax take.
The most profound thoughts are the ones that everybody has.
Small firms are metaphors for big ones.
Heaven is being an atheist in a Christian state. Hell is the opposite.
I think Twitter is the opposite of an echo chamber. It has made everyone hate everyone.
Why does saying "it's almost as if" and then an obvious statement create a joke?
When everyone is outspoken, nobody is.
We who came of age in the cradle of recession look with fear and trembling at inverted yield curves.
The most sought after trait is the ability to enjoy. Anyone can give pleasure but not everyone can take it.
Where’s the button to delete history for your life?
He made his spreadsheet a masterpiece of aliented labour.
The dream of apolitical money?! Apolitical politics is the real dream.
I don’t want to get what I want. I just want my want to remain perfectly intact.
The necessary actual.
In there a direct correspondence between Penrose’s trialism and Hegel’s circle of circles?
Is the mind Turing complete? Trivially yes since Turing imagined the Turing machine. Is the Turing machine mind complete? A harder question.
There is exactly one possible world. The actual world is possible.
There is a second not.
There aren't two genders; there are exactly eight.
Aggression is the absence of irony.
Knowledge about a thing is the opposite of a thing.
Health is bad for you.
The WZ chromosomal sex determination mechanism is of interest to me.
The entropy of all a priori truths.
"I don't know, when I grew up you were one of over 20,000 sexes, simple as that" - a fungus.
Subject oriented programming.
I'm not biased; I'm wrong.
Democratic equilibrium is simply understood in terms of two parties split at the median voter. Disequilibria are harder to understand.
What are the empirical and logical connections between the new cultural oppositions and divergent material interests?
The Anglo-Saxon mind finds the body totally erotic. It cannot see a nonsexual beauty in it.
History is read by the whiners.
Life is a tragedy. Death is a comedy.
A good fridge should contain nothing but a bottle of champagne.
It must generate emotional engagement and the only way to do that is through conflict.
What a betrayal that modern science requires interpretation.
To be the object of affection is erotic. To be the subject of affection is erotic. But to be both is divine.
People keep repeating Einstein’s definition of insanity.
“There is no ethical living under capitalism” can be read as right or left.
Crowds are like women. They prefer bigger men.
The Cringe Manifesto
The Fun Science might better capture the intended spirit instead of The Joyful Science.
Only economists could debate whether babies are inferior goods or normal goods.
She is the kind of person who if sent to buy wine will return with a sparkling red.
The greatest feat the ego can achieve is to survive failure unscathed.
In a moment of madness I showed them the respect of rudeness before returning to an alienating politeness.
The male nude appears differently depending on what clothes were removed.
Art is the failure to keep us occupied.
England is dead. That is what gives it its life. We are maggots eating the rotting corpse and we shall transform into beautiful blue bottle flies!
Government of the people, by the people, against the people.
"idea-mongering"
It is so much more gratifying to fail righteously than simply get what you want.
It is all "I"s and "you"s.
Pop music is about the subject-object dialectic.
The realisation that the only prowess you will ever attain is to be the world's leading expert on your own misery.
Awful times call for awful people.
In 1997 if Austin Powers were confronted with a naughty box for stripy insects to live and raise their young with a hairstyle in which long hair is piled up in a conical shape on the top of the head and slightly backwards pointing. He might say "Oh Beehive!".
If at first you do not succeed, protect yourself with ironic distance.
I’ve graduated from holding wildly exreme opinions to a wild ambivalence about all opinions and I’m not sure which is worse.
The human animal scrambling in the dust for pure division.
The ego values what values the ego.
They cynic assumes the instrumental beats the epistemological.
Optimism is an example of epistemological irrationally being instrumentally rational.
The purpose of the university is to prevent education.
fe is perpendicular to un
Confusion is a necessary but insufficient condition for thinking.
my body rolls toward the idea
i am an idea so how can i have an idea
I don't believe money is the universal measure of value but I behave as if it is.
You can forgive even evil if it's done with enough style.
You could do anything if you had a good enough clock.
The complete works of Shakespeare can be stored in the separation of two mirrors.
There is only one truly serious problem. The problem of the feminine cock.
Apparently if people rate the quality of a computer they will rate it higher if they fill out the questionnaire on the computer itself because they don't want to be rude to its face.
Common sense is another way of saying ideology.
Jordan Peterson prepared for a debate about Marx by reading the Communist Manifesto the night before. That is a level of ignorance and arrogance that I both aspire to and can identify with.
The end of history is the extinction of man. That is the only certainty. The aim is to have a good life. That our final values are not a stain on eternity.
Labour manufactures the individual.
It is important to have a misery stupidity balance.
What are the material conditions for shifting conceptions of gender? Shifting gender correlations in the labour market.
Am I only thinking this because it makes me look good? Yes, but other people are impressed by people who think true things. Ok lets not follow that train of thought any further.
If the Earth is a globe because we have sailed round it then The Isle of Wight must also be a globe.
The best thing about being a bigot is I can avoid having any interesting thoughts.
It's not just that I appear to be a bigot. I really am a bigot.
Oh that heady and delicious cocktail of arrogance and ignorance.
Yes decline but do you have an account of the decline?
Occam's razor is just a meaningless tautology.
NASA does have an agenda, to promote US military interests, but the fiction it sells is more repulsive than a round earth.
If you claim to be rational then you must be telling me these things because you think that it is beneficial to you for me to accept them. Why would I presume it is beneficial to you for me to believe the truth?
The Earth does not go round the Sun apart from in exactly one inertial frame out of infinite inertial frames. And inertial frames are one of another infinite set of inertial and non-inertial.
Columbo discovered that the world killed her husband for money.
"Fascism is the introduction of aesthetics into political life" - Benjamin.
Oh to love someone who doesn't understand themselves.
Orgasm contains two fictions.
"You are more likely to value expertise because your position in the labour market depends on your own expertise." - Simon Wren-Lewis
"I don't know you can't say anything anymore." "What can't you say?" "Silence?"
Hey guys you know that feeling when you go back to your high school reunion and you see the people who were really sporty and popular and used to bully you and then you look at their lives now and you realise they are still more happy, and financially and romantically fulfilled.
I have an idea for a comedy musical film called The Grime Brothers where we cast two white guys.
If the democrats choose Biden they deserve to lose.
Long term romantic plan.
Sex is the exception to every rule.
To well express a wrong idea in a manner which makes its wrongness self evident.
Why these people? Why this mode of expression?
Most modern intellectuals are like people in the Guinness book of records finding increasingly obscure arenas in which to demonstrate stubbornness.
It’s language’s fault for permitting bombastic forms!
Extroverts on the internet are foreigners in a country they don’t understand.
A particularly aggressive form of argument is agreeing too much.
I'm -
"The internet is for introverts" - Contrapoints.
Anyone who thinks the "chromosome" has anything at all to do with sex and gender is insane. Body colour?!
The human is the only animal that made the reproductive organ the symbol of reproductive value. The Peacock doesn't have the intellect to associate a beautiful dick with a highly functioning dick so it used its feathers through inability to make the connection.
Anyone who thinks the tomato is a fruit is a fascist. They take the scientists' definitions of people as real.
The cock is the ironical unity of symbol and symbolised.
Man is the animal that makes ideas of matter and matter of ideas.
The leader as paradox takes the form of a set of opposites. Each one corresponding to one low status contradiction.
Low status minds are the home of a culture's ideological contradictions.
Opinions turn material contradictions into materioideological coherences.
Internetal holoirony is now the archetypal bourgeois medium because of the 280 character form and the behavioural norms coincident with regular access to the required computer equipment.
The relative class make up of genre is determined not by the emotional and intellectual constitution of the individual's social function but by the character of the form of broadcasting technology they have access to.
Pop music in the nineties was largely bourgeois. Pop culture now is largely proletarian. What material shift caused this cultural shift? My position is that it concerns the relative cost of labour and capital in cultural production.
The predominance of irony in internet culture grows out of the material form of internet media. MTV sarcasm and apathy of the nineties was the link between televisual protoholoirony and internetal holoirony.
Evolution was the biggest intellectual thrill of my childhood. German idealism of my twenties. Marxist materialism of my thirties.
Slads
The feminine penis is interesting me.
I claim that a vagina is more of a thing than the penis. The penis is the absence of a vagina.
The psychosexual function of the successful blond man presenting the world view of the failed man lies in a libidinal support which fetishises male dominance while simultaneously and paradoxically explaining male subservience through conspiracy.
Scholarship is a criminal misuse of life.
There has been a shift in the material base. You can sense it in the superstructure.
The right think anything can be proven by showing a hypocrite say its opposite.
“Every joke contains some anxious or aggressive content.” - Freud. But not everything with anxious or aggressive content is a joke.
“Those of us who are blessed must pay more tax”. I think you misremember who was blessed in the sermon on the mount.
If I’m agreeing with you I’m not listening.
The beautiful hint at a cure to melancholy they can never supply.
Reason is the way of the beast!
Why are you being irrational and saying rational things when saying irrational things would make you more money?
The set of my fucks is empty.
You can tell something won’t happen if it should happen.
I shook the evil man's hand but I looked darn stern while I did it.
It is not hypocritical to demand from others through power what you do not do.
Maximally efficient laziness
My whole life I have fought for what is right as soon as it has been accepted by everyone as right.
Happiness is a cancer spreading across the earth. A good, happy cancer.
Anything that changes everything changes nothing.
Chmess!
Kangaroos are just big rabbits.
Lionesses would probably be better at football than lions because the lions just sit around showing off their beautiful manes. But in fairness they would both probably pop the balls then bite them and then get bored because it isn't meat.
A rising tide raises all boats. That's why I sabotage all the other boats by cutting holes in them and tying them to the sea bed.
An idea is something there can be identical copies of. Material things are always exactly one thing.
What if Kermit the Frog and Pepe the Frog are actually the same frog?
I’m not preeminent. I’m posteminent.
Between the hours of nine and five the word interesting means extremely boring.
It is rational to say irrational things that only an ideologically pure person would say.
Everything that flows from the sewer of the human mouth is a brag.
The more intelligent someone is the more apparent the ridiculousness of the whole enterprise of human intelligence.
I don't mind repulsive levels of confidence. It's repulsive levels of ability I can't stand.
The more you pretend this dynamic is not hierarchical the more you impose an oppressive hierarchy.
We have only just begun to understand the full scale of my ignorance. It is like walking in to a vast and awesome antechamber of intricate delusions.
The devil is a consummate professional. He is the best man for the job.
Half the buildings are empty during the night and half are empty during the day. During the day you get paid to be in one then during the night you pay to be in the other. Can't there just be one building for the day and the night and nobody pays anyone?
Man is the irrational animal. Where animals only ever act for a reason; to eat, to mate, or to survive, man will act for no reason; to make art, do mathematics, or commit genocide.
High culture is all the same. Low culture is infinitely variable.
"We chose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard..." "What are these 'other things'?"
I do think before I speak it’s just that the thoughts are mangled abd moronic
Material racism coincident with ideological innocence.
Heaven is surrounded by barbed wire fence.
He was conducting his own micro-eugenics project by refusing to breed.
Forced to choose between a career and a family when you want neither.
“Global warming” is a great way to piss on someone’s travel related career success.
The left believes it is possible to create utopia. The right believes it already exists.
Be innocent by thinking these nice free thoughts.
Why can footballers do so much holding their heads up high?
The irrational animal.
Jokes are for immortalising bigotry.
The spectacle of security.
The Sun's only good feature is its closeness. It's like your local. It's not the best but you can't be bothered to walk an extra four lightyears. Happy summer solstice.
Be the freedom cunt you want to see in the world.
A precedented threat is unprecedented.
More death and injury is a price worth paying for increased security.
Flits like a Gove.
Hunt is the only person that can deliver a homeopathy Brexit.
Proud of both status and lacking status.
If you have real power you support the left and the right.
A great deal of anxiety can sometimes be relieved by giving in to your cruelty and mocking someone behind their back.
The one absolute necessity of Hell is immortality.
The word “is” is a mystery at once meaning one thing and then it’s opposite.
If you view your life as a work of art the tragedies can be repurposed as serving an aesthetic function. A repulsive coping mechanism?
Theory must never enter the work. A capacity for theorising is in fact absolutely detrimental to production.
One might easily insult someone by mistakenly pandering to something they consider beneath them.
If “consensus is a necessary condition for irony” then irony can be a claim to consensus. This will never produce a consensus but can maintain an appearance of one.
A flowery turn of phrase is arguably a more urbane means to signify a punchline than a vulgar term.
The purpose of tax is not to generate money but to discourage certain forms of labour.
The truth burns the mouth it passes through.
One cannot utter a truth without leaving a scar on your soul.
There can be no change in the volume of labour that can be bought with labour. n workers can only buy n workers in total.
Books in one end. Confusions out the other.
Horses are the real nay-sayers.
Pornography could only give pleasure if it were forbidden.
Everyday generates a new pristine binary oppositional opinion pair.
Forbidding suicide could of course have the effect of increasing its appeal.
A culture that prefers gymnastics to dance is philistine.
The Munich contemporary art scene exists largely to irritate Hitler’s ghost.
Our love of great art is in direct proportion to our hatred of the artist.
Art is essentially antisocial.
I ruin the world like a tourist ruins his destination.
We shall know that history is complete when art is impossible.
I had great respect for Virginia Woolf’s essay A Room of One’s Own… until I saw the room.
There aren’t many texts more Christian than Nietzsche’s Untimely Meditations. Going against the times is to go against the world.
“There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed to the advantage of others.” - Niccolo Machiavelli. This principle may be guiding US policy with regard to China.
Cultural literacy requires constant maintenance. It decays almost immediately. Us illiterates will never return but merely flounder in the wilderness.
Contra mundum, or hating the world, is the great temptation and danger of Christianity.
The bones serve no function. They merely get in the way of melancholy wrapping the flesh around this chair.
Deadmodernism
Free speech is like a goal in football. It is good when your side do it and bad when your enemies do.
Control someone successfully to be resented. Control them unsuccessfully to be held in contempt.
Apocalypse means to unveil and the climate apocalypse will be an unveiling of all the frozen monsters of the north!
A singer who specialises in the “e” sound.
I recommend Pagliacci goes to see a tragedy.
Democracy and elections are contradictory.
Looking forward to being a K citizen.
Scotland leaving the UK would presumably improve Conservative electoral chances.
Do rival football teams really disagree about anything?
His misogyny expressed itself not through a disdain for women wearing too few clothes. Nor for them wearing too many clothes. But for them wearing precisely the right amount of clothes.
She secretly enjoyed the underground train network’s cocktail of body odours.
To suck a cock or sock a cuck?
New atheism is superstition.
I may not be ugly on the outside but I have inner ugliness
Is there some way I can blame this on my parents?
I was listening to a funny conversation today and laughing along and then realised they were speaking a language I didn't understand but I think it would have been less funny if I'd understood it.
Perpetual exams.
Ideomaterial hypermetaequilibrium!
The fact that we don’t care about road deaths but do care about murders is evidence that we aren’t consequentialists.
Uneasy with what you are.
I can forgive a man any crime except beauty.
"There is no such thing as a stupid question." "Which can I kiss my bum?"
The true value of everything is zero.
Crafting your ego is a life's work. Destroying it is your masterpiece.
The young often entirely locate their personality in one feature. The stupid can keep that up into old age.
I can hypocritise better than anyone I know.
Guilt is my primary indulgence.
What if automation leads to an increase in employment for some reason?
The origin of all human life is the bollock.
Be the oppressive status quo you want to see in the world.
All I ever wanted to do was cause offence. I’m deeply sorry if anyone found my, in hindsight well judged remarks, to be humorous.
Never let an intelligent person anywhere near power.
Sobriety is relentless.
Speech is an attempt to pretend to be a more consistent self.
Taking words literally is a form of aggression.
The best action is a metaphor for a clash of ideas.
You can't have democracy and meritocracy. I'd sooner have neither but to have both is impossible.
Fully Automated Luxury Fascism
Why do you need a bigger microscope to look at smaller things?
The dialectic of cynical bad faith game playing.
“This is the wrong world.” - Sebastian Vettel.
I wrote an article advocating hypocrisy just hours after I had shown moral conduct above and beyond my public claims of immoral conduct.
When the anti-hypocrites are hypocrites should the pro-hypocrites complain?
The individual is incentivised to praise meritocracy because it makes them look like they have merit. Who will speak up for those without merit? We are the majority and we are coming for the meritocrats!
Explaining is when a past lover patronisingly makes an idea or situation clear to you by describing it in more detail or revealing relevant facts.
I’m not married to the idea. Here, no divorce is possible.
Civilisation is the flame to the moth of man.
Irony is the pinnacle of the total domination by ideas.
If people only care about rank then, to make a Formula 1 analogy, which battle is more fierce, the battle for ninth or for first? The answer isn’t obvious.
As an example take income rank (not normally distributed) and map it to a normal distribution then compare to the actual distribution.
The fundamental critique of IQ is the assumption of normal distribution underlying the mapping of rank.
Rank is the universal measure of value.
The appeal to norms is the song of the weak.
Catch yourself every time you say we should and replace it with I want.
Why the agglomeration of all things either side a single divide?
Casual love
I have never seen such naked self interest as is on disgusting display now. I wear my self interest in the finest camouflaging silks and pearls of progress and humanity.
Satire has an implicit conception of politics as the politics of ideas. It cannot conceive of conflicting material interests because it must deny the interests of its practitioners and present the fictional universal we.
The only Love Island I need is Great Britain.
If culture hasn’t moved it is because there has been no movement in the material base.
The sum of all previous annoyances.
We need to compromise and have straight chickens and chlorinated bananas.
Like television compared to friendship.
When instrumental and epistemic rationality come into conflict the victor is decided by irrational preference.
The uneducated have different material interests to the educated. The educated mistake that for a lack of analysis.
Abhorrent language is a necessary supplement.
It is one of the cosmic coincidences that my disposable income is exactly equal to the cost of getting pissed every Friday.
The antianimal.
The European Union is to Leavers what Christianity is to atheists. If you actually got rid of it they would be distraught and their lives would lose all meaning.
Continental Europeans have an unparalleled capacity to take themselves seriously.
Brexit is the empty signifier and mother of oblique strategies.
In a weird way Rory Stewart makes Brexit most likely because he is the only one not going for an impossible no deal in an attempt to be thwarted to complain that they were thwarted.
The opposite of what we want is diversity of income and equality of skin colour.
I decided to like it before watching it so didn’t bother watching it.
I think petit bourgeoisly, maley, whitely therefore I am petit bourgeois, white, and male.
Argument presupposes the idealised general and universal mind.
One of the problems with being against the “blank slate” conception of mind is you must deny the cogito and the universalism to which thought necessarily tends.
E.g. gdp as a measure of growth will encourage currency devaluations?
Money as a measure of wealth is like a slinky as a measure of length. I propose median hourly wage in currency area but then of course that doesn’t capture increases in wealth due to real growth.
I find the flow of money and currency fluctuations extremely confusing. What you want to measure is net flow of wealth.
The set of people in we is entirely implied by context.
If “we” means the UK government then it excludes the majority of readers of the bus. Unless you think UK citizens are effectively members of the government. When you read the word we do you think it includes you? What about in “we don’t like you”? I mean it’s pedantic but...
You can destroy any movement by choosing the right figurehead.
Jesus was the ultimate loser.
They need to be a winner with losers’ opinions.
Fakethentic
Rory Stewart’s army background fits the narrative of Brexit as a postmodern simulated military exercise.
I once poured a milkshake over my head on stage. I may have suspected myself of being a bigot.
The Conservatives will hold a referendum if they are confident Leave in whatever form will win. This will be an attempt to lure Labour in to backing Remain so they can be portrayed as undemocratic. That is their best chance of winning the next general election.
Students go to university to receive a world class debt. Unfortunately they then spend their working lives trying to get rid of the massive education round their neck.
The best thing about a second referendum is Remain will definitely win so we don't need to worry about the consequences of Leave winning.
You can tell a Rolling Stones lyric by whether it sounds creepy when read aloud.
If that many people are calling him an idiot he must be clever.
The more clever you are the quicker you learn to be stupid.
Our diversity is our greatest strength. After our money.
It is in my interest to portray interests counter to my interests.
You’re confusing what you want with what is the case.
Triangulation on a soft Brexit could still be the best strategy.
The phrase “Marxist ideology” demonstrates ignorance of the history of the word ideology.
All the best ideas are wrong.
The icons are chosen by the unsympathetic.
The dominant must always keep the median within.
We all need some mythological supplement in shoulds.
All our fictions are growing into some terrifying spectre.
It is in my interest to portray as having some, possibly untrue, interest so I pretend to hold the analysis of someone with those interests.
The analysts’ class interest must by hidden in the absurd fiction of pure analysis.
In “A means A” tautologies the implication is that equalities are rendered invalid by time. They make a late-Witgenstien claim on the nature of sentence function.
Hypocricy and inconsistency are my greatest strengths. They show flexibility of thought.
Rory Stewart is the best candidate who poses the greatest threat to Labour. The Conservatives aren’t clever enough to elect him.
The universal subject.
All those attitudes that once served me so well are now weighing me down like wine bottles for the recycling.
If I keep pulling at this piece of skin on my thumb will my whole skin come off?
The only thing more mindless than the consumption of culture is its creation.
“Brexit means Brexit” shares its form singularly with the anti-rape slogan “no means no”.
The point is to reinvent the subjects.
Contradictions can only exist in the superstructure.
Watching my thoughts like a sniper.
The infinity of subjects. Exactly one object.
When they are nice you know they think you're an idiot.
"We", "need", and "should" all destroy the sentences they find themselves in.
Power asks questions and weakness answers.
When power demands consistency inconsistency becomes a form a resistance.
Anyone can be extremely knowledgeable. Faking it takes genius.
Why doesn't pure sugar taste nice?
God is the asymptote toward which the I seeks the universal.
Is the subject the unobject?
Ideology concerns the universal subject, matter the specific.
Thinking ideologically is easier than thinking materially because you don't have to bother with evidence which is hard to obtain and boring.
Material power relations can manifest ideologically in universalism verses hypocrisy. Universalism is not necessarily the benign side.
The movement from unhappy to depressed is from negation to proposition through no movement.
Actually existing material relations cannot be contradictory.
Everything acts in its own interest. That is what things are.
One function of children is to keep your delusions alive in a new host.
The i does not understand pranks.
Heterosexuality is a myth that only the young can sustain. And they sustain it through its opposite!
Monomath. Nay abmath.
I replaced every letter in the ship of Hotdogoo and it doesn’t have the same ring to it.
The free I is necessarily divided.
Our way of life is hating our way of life.
Many a relationship is sustained by the deluded belief that it will disintegrate. Many a life is sustained by the deluded belief that they will end it.
The standard economic claim that gift giving is inefficient only accounts for the utility of the receiver. The giver may well take positive utility from giving the receiver something they don't want.
Sex Or The City
The etymological root of health is whole. "Mental health" is denying dualism and the possibility of metaphysics. I am a dividual and can never be whole by definition.
I have 64 moods and 19 are valid.
“A point is that which has no parts.” Euclid’s first definition is sparse.
Evidence Based Art (EBA). In reference to the deployment of data science to popular cultural artefact production.
Inter faeces et urinam nascimur - St Augustine. This may be in order to transfer symbiotic bacteria from the mother’s anus to the child!
The unprofessional realm is the most professionalised of all.
I lack the emotional maturity required for analysis and I lack the emotional immaturity required for production. I can therefore neither make nor critique.
Non capitalised i. Third person subject.
The British kept the name and America kept the empire.
Masterchef is both tautology and contradiction. Tautology in the sense that chef means something like master. Contradiction in the sense that masters don’t cook servants do.
Even if the clever people are wrong it still makes you look clever to think the same as them.
I’m antideluded!
Success in the face of adversity is impressive but failure in the face of privilege requires real talent.
Capto per eos ad pussy!
Ian Duncan Smith calling someone stupid is like the kettle calling the pot a kettle.
Brexit meant Brexit
Crying is always and everywhere aggression.
What isn’t a construct?
Actually existing religion
God is an asymptote.
Measurements are reductions in complexity. All measurements reduce in the end to price.
If you can't buy it it's not art.
The home as a transitory contingent mental construct.
The prime job requirement is to be unaware of your social function.
In twenty first century architecture, iron is ironic.
It is harder to distinguish between poetry generated by artificial intelligence and 'real' poetry than it is to distinguish between fake and real prose.
Unnatural is a high compliment.
The hard thing is to annoy everyone. It is usually easiest to annoy one person by pleasing some other.
Fisher's argument for the equal sex ratio can be extended to the existence of two political factions.
English speakers find it easier to learn flamenco rhythms by counting in Spanish.
opposites of opposites
"Just as Napoleon failed to understand the functional nature of the state as an instrument of domination by the bourgeois class, so the architects... failed to understand the functional nature of iron, with which the constructive principle begins its domination of architecture."
Two opposing descriptions and they’re both true.
Sex hints at eternity through, and only through, reproduction.
Busses are better for the environment than electric cars.
Every sentence "X costs the UK economy Y per year" can be rephrased as "X contributes Y to UK GDP per year".
How much carbon dioxide can you produce before you go to hell?
Classical music lets the harmony grow out of the melody. Pop vice versa.
Sick and eggs. Bacon and tired.
Unbounded terror.
New pleasures. New nightmares.
Aggressively pressured into pretending to dominate.
Blaspheming against the Bible is quaint compared to the Bible's ecstatic blaspheming against eternal morality. What is "vomiting into the gaping anus of Christ" compared to running a knife across your son's neck?
Ideological conflict is always and everywhere fake. It is smoke from the fire of material conflict.
New Atheism was born in the television. That it claimed to express itself in books was just a joke. You bought the surface.
The atheists' timid blasphemies offer them some comfort at least.
Burn a bible and let it stain your mind forever.
The gift of religion is its stripping away of all comforts.
Double fetishisation!
The fetishisation of sex.
The median voter is a fetish.
I recommend Malcolm X's savage critique of liberals.
To confront thoughts with experience and destroy the foundations in the name of strengthening them or to let them grow decadent and old and wise.
The world spirit is in motion.
The desexualisation apparatus.
Extreme pornography is a means to desexualise us.
Domination through respect.
How many logics of a three sex species are there?
Towards an extension of Fisher's argument for the equal sex ratio to an explanation of the existence of precisely two sexes.
You can't abolish work without abolishing the home. You can't abolish the home without abolishing work.
Family as phantasmagoria.
The radical position now is to overthrow global communism.
Politics and satire likewise operate as apparent opposites but clearly spring from the same source.
Communocapitalism
Communism and capitalism are not opposites. Rather, like men and women, they constitute complementary forms of the same basic mode.
Framing everything in moral terms is intellectually repulsive.
Science is inherently communist. Art is inherently capitalist.
Cinema kept the secret of video games for a hundred years.
Only communism can deliver the Thatcherite ideal of free enterprise.
As the shopping centre dreamt of Amazon so Amazon dreams our future.
Video games are still dominated by cinematic norms like early films were dominated by theatrical ones.
"Each epoch dreams the one to follow." - Michelet, Avenir! Avenir!
"Empire is the style of revolutionary terrorism, for which the state is an end in itself." - The Arcades Project
It is really important that we humour the baby boomers and pretend they have anything interesting enough to say that we might be offended otherwise they will get upset at the realisation their heads are empty and their words vapid.
The entertainment that you get from Netflix is the choosing. Once you decide what to watch the entertainment is over.
The contradictions are the most interesting parts.
Jordan Peterson decided to critique Marx without reading any because he is a Hegelian.
"So what Marx was saying was..." - Jordan Peterson.
Nothing is natural.
The canonical neoliberal subject contains within himself a critique of neoliberal ideology.
Why did the earth blush? Because it saw the climate change.
“Think for yourself!” “I’d rather think for you because otherwise who else will?”
Man’s greatest work was becoming unnatural and Nature will take her revenge!
The electric car is an impressive invention but it’s not as good as a train.
Sajid Javid, porn snatcher.
Intellectuals are capable of thinking anything you want them to.
A radical academic is a contradiction. How can a pawn in the disciplinary apparatus pose any threat to anyone at all?
In the absence of war those who have been trained to write have nothing interesting to write about, just endless bourgeois boredom. Like carpenters without wood.
The inefficiency in Fisher's argument is evolution's ironical masterpiece.
Male beauty is for the hell of it. A pointless mad decadent aesthetic. Female beauty is utilitarian. Brutally purposeful.
Affecting a complete lack of hateful envy is the highest form of bragging.
Respect is disrespectful.
On the left because the right is not sufficiently anti-Marx.
"What is the motive for the flat earth cover up?"
Un, in, and fe.
"The future has been put on hold."
If you don't think the superstructure grows out of the base, do you think the opposite?
Male women, female women, unfemale women, unmale women, male men, female men, unmale men, unfemale men, male unwomen, female unwomen, unfemale unwomen, unmale unwomen, male unmen, female unmen, unmale unmen, unfemale unmen, and all other things.
Is it hypocritical to criticise my own hypocrisy?
You know you are free when your boss can watch what you are doing for eight hours every day.
Why have journalists got predictions wrong since 2015? Because predicting no change was easier than predicting a change.
“They should not be called the fair sex but the unaesthetic sex” - Schopenhauer.
Dissensual politics.
Capitalism has already disappeared. Only the left can bring it back.
Rebellion and conformity quietly conspiring.
Opinions are lies that make you feel better.
It was when it told me it was shocking that I knew I would be bored.
It is a mark of intellect to formally separate your "is" statements from your "ought" statements.
The battle to describe the present epoch. As if description freezes everything in place for eternity.
Humour is a means to excuse banal statements.
There is a hero shaped hole in postmodernity.
"...circumstances and relationships that made it possible for a grotesque mediocrity to play a hero's part."
"True evil is the gaze that sees evil everywhere."
I remain comfortably ignorant of the implications of my opinions.
The danger of TV is that in amongst the lies they sneak in some truth.
You are allowed to do anything with any analysis.
“All that is solid” refers to that destroyed by capital and not vice versa!?
Mental revolutions are more interesting than real ones.
The return of text!
TV is happiest when talking about itself
It is surely wrong to consider satire as distinct and not as a part.
What does a good workman blame? Himself?
Stand up comedy is explicitly pop in its putting the icon before the content. The idea of a cover version becomes impossible.
Popular culture presents a form of language aggressively beneath the capabilities of its spokesmen.
Is it possible to turn the mind against itself and still enjoy Champagne?
The mark of a fool is the inability to read books he disagrees with.
Damping democratic oscillations.
Documentary is the opposite of fact.
“My generation failed you” - Emma Thompson. No apology, no matter how sincere, could let me forgive her for Love Actually.
Everything the camera touches turns to TV.
“We must make the world a better place.” “That’s a great idea! How shall we do that?” “It’s important not to get bogged down in details.”
It remains possible to buy a traditional family as a quaint fiction.
I really miss the way politicians used to be. Before this awful current situation that they created.
I was born but I did so without having been fully informed of the consequences. You could go so far as to say I was misled.
If global warming is going to be bad for nature then why aren’t animals worried about it?
The material interests of the analysers.
I’m midwit by definition.
Gift giving is not impossible. It is a contradiction.
Sexual fantasies are contradictions. The contradiction is the fantasy. Tie me in a knot. A knot that cannot be tied.
The intellect believes that it is deserving.
Even pretending to read Hegel is too hard.
Criticising a film is like telling the USS Mount Whitney it can’t kill you.
The environment presents itself to the British royal family as an opportunity.
This year the British state threw all its weight and theatre behind the idea of fucking around.
It must become impossible to be an amateur. It must be either done professionally or watched.
It is certainly possible to write down “I am free”.
For all the work it does to appear dialectical the screen can never respond.
Clint Eastwood as a tragic figure. His depiction of power and rebellion merely a reflection of our impotence and conformity. The wild a mirror image of bureaucratic employment. The western and the office were produced as a pair.
I hope to get through life without ever having to live.
The smile offers its wearer various advantages but at a price.
In certain states of despair even the aristocrat is a tragic figure.
By embracing the exactly singular universal delusion I have a system for eradicating specific delusions.
Descriptivist grammar is the highest form of pedantry.
What tricks now mind!
Meta cognition is both foundational and catastrophic.
The totality produces icons that sublate the tragic disunity but these are so marginal that they could well be anything at all!
I've realised I'm so bad at arguing that the best thing I can do for my side is switch to the other side.
"Doesn't it just show us how insignificant we are!" "Arrogant!"
Freedom or democracy.
Utopia is where we came from not where we are going to.
Animals don't have sexuality or gender they just have sex. They live in paradise!
Moral parallax.
The key strategic feature of Brexit is that the divide it engenders is perpendicular to any of use to the major parties.
If we want to make the young conservative we need to harness the power of the world wide web. Using the latest networks to surf the web over hyperlinks we can unleash the power of cool memes to indoctrinate the population with Joint Photographic Experts Group (JPEG) images.
Everything is an approximation to an idea.
Ideas are material. An idea only exists if it corresponds to a set of material conditions in a material mind.
Is 'materialist thought' a contradiction?
The materialist definition of sexuality is my preference but out of favour.
Freedom is sitting in a chair from nine to five.
Commercial correctness gone mad.
It is difficult to spot someone who would be a good politician because you can only tell that they are good at pretending to understand things if you realise they don't understand it so they can't be.
Saying 'we need a new kind of politics' is a way of saying you don't want a new kind of politics.
There is no basis to distinguish between Russell's teapot argument for a teapot in orbit and a teapot in a human city. It is a bad argument. The burden of proof lies with you if you claim 'there is probably at least one teapot in Los Angeles'!
Towards a material definition of love.
A thing, any thing, and every thing creates the conditions for its own end.
"Capitalism is liberating us" - the filthy communists.
The dying cry of the liberal is a call to unfreedom.
The material conditions required for irony.
What factors dictate the correlations between class and genre?
The professionalisation of the workplace.
"What is your date of birth?" - Bureaucrat. "It depends, do you mean when my egg was born or when I came out of the egg?" - Bird.
"I mean it's just ridiculous you can't say anything these days" - Cratylus.
"My CV is my masterpiece."
One ontology too many.
One ontology among many.
Individualism is the disintegration of the individual.
'Frontal-lobe injury makes you more yourself.'
antiparaprosdokian
I watched some television. Everyone smiles a lot. A bygone medium.
If you had control over something you could raise it as well as lower it.
Is England a country? Is the UK a country? Is it possible for a country to contain another country?! Does the country of all countries contain itself?
It is better to beat them than win the argument.
Crises are never an anomaly but rather reveal the key features of a system, person, relationship.
Comedy is a compound object containing both the teller and the listener. It is therefore meaningless to say someone is or isn't funny. Rather a comedian and the audience form a funny-laughing pair. It would be wrong to call even the most disgusting historical jokes as unfunny.
Disagreement can only take place between people who agree with each other. People who disagree have never heard of each other.
My superpower is the ability to turn any conversation into awkward silence just by saying something.
Yes, yes we all love facts but which ones?
With regard to the nanny state, if you were rich enough to have a nanny you could probably do whatever you wanted and treat them like shit. Is there not a hint of misogyny in its implied alterity the patriarchal state.
"Facts are that through which domination manifests itself."
My love of money is in a battle to the death with my hatred of work.
Nominal wage rigidity, a key aspect of the disciplinary power of inflation, is entirely predicated on cognitive bias. It is not rational self interest but biased self interest that should be the central analytical construct.
The well known figure Steven Hawking was a crude metaphor for the separation of mental and physical work. His image an ode to the division of labour.
There are an equal number of possible worlds where every cultural evaluation holds
Innocent until proven documentary.
The dialectic of bad faith argumentation.
"Shall we decide what to do?" "I don't know." The UK parliament is just like my internal monologue.
British interests are at odds with the interests of British citizens.
Bad faith leads to ever increasing orders of logic.
"By denouncing itself the mind makes itself capable of providing anti-ideological ideologies."
“Freedom from the press”
Video pretends to address someone other than its target audience.
Feeling is bad thinking.
Prudishness is a corollary of pornography.
Please stop asking me questions.
Hope for the past.
Nostalgia for the future.
It’s not illegal to be unprofessional.
Everyone is weird apart from psychopaths who are normal.
It was a cry for help.
"The fact that theory becomes real force when it moves men is founded in the objectivity of the mind itself which, through the fulfilment of its ideological function must lose faith in ideology. "
"... culture originates in the radical separation of mental and physical work." - Adorno.
One more sleep till Brexmas!
Footballers are such hypocrites. They try to deny others from putting balls in nets while all the while actively trying to do so themselves.
"It was a yes or no question!" "Every yes or no question can be answered with an accusation that you don't have the authority to insist on the form my answer takes."
The Old Testament is the set up. The New Testament is the punchline.
Let live and live.
Problematise this!
You can have a delay as long as you don't need it.
Look, guys, I get it, you're tired, that is why we should just get on with this and give me everything I want yeah?
“We have made Italy; now we must make Italians.” - Massimo d'Azeglio.
It's not enough for me to do what you want. I have to want what you want.
"Are supranational democratic forms of government possible?" "Stupid racist!"
Essay question on the ballot?
Internal inconsistency is my favourite thing about religion.
Everything I have I owe to cognitive bias.
The first rule of political interviews is never answer the question you are asked. The electorate said two can play at that.
We all agree logic is good. But which logic?
"A country that works for everyone" is high meaningless nonsense.
One interesting reversal is that the right is pursuing a Gramscian culture war now, albeit from the opposite direction. They seem far happier talking about social values while the left just wants to talk money.
I think Einstein could have been the worst actor ever if only he had tried.
'Do you want a punch in the face?' appears to be a question but it isn't really is it?
Does irrational self enmity have the same outcomes as rational self interest?
Suddenly felt extreme patriotism. We're mad as a box of frogs and completely committed to acting irrationally and illogically, and against our self interest for the sheer spectacle of it all. And you all are so proud of how sensible and sane you are!
Four Divorces and a Birth.
'We' is the greatest lie ever told.
Satire is when they say a widely held belief or its opposite in the vocal style of a news reader.
Image acts.
Centrists are those guys with the crazy ideas.
That is why Psycho is so traumatic to men.
Do you remember that Diet Coke advert where the women looked at a hunky guy with his shirt off. It just occurred to me that the women looking were beautiful and the object of the female gaze was a kind of mirror. We have to pretend we aren't looking when we look.
We are living in high capitalism.
Capitalism is about three hundred years old therefore it will probably last another three hundred years ish. I genuinely think that might be a valid argument.
Everything has an infinite number of opposites depending on the orientation of the mirror.
Yes always express yourself in opposites but don't choose what to oppose for the opposite reasons.
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words caused the sticks and stones to be thrown at me in the first place so I'm not exactly relieving them of all responsibility here.
Imagine having a mind that looks to newspaper articles for analysis. Life must be sweet surrender.
A lazy idiot with the right idea is more useful than a towering intellect with the wrong one.
The disgusting anti-hypocrites who mangle their theories to render themselves moral.
In the film GoldenEye, what is the Freudian significance of the Arecibo radio telescope?
Matter is that which cannot be contradictory. Ideas are those things which can be contradictory.
What is a material contradiction?
"We need to treat this like a disease." "With medical intervention?"
The positive is always more interesting than the normative.
If you hate them then you know they are telling you the truth.
Virtual reality could allow everyone to be in a minority.
Taking an analysis which ignores your personal decisions is painful and catastrophic.
"I want to make you feel free." - Joni Mitchell.
A liberal is someone who values freedom so much they want to force it on you too.
Liberals and humanists, the twin repulsive neighbours.
Could you make a world where everybody was a capitalist? No by definition.
I estimate the proportion of people who are capitalists (live on the return of capital and not a wage as their primary means) under capitalism to be about 0.1\%.
Capitalism doesn't produce enough capitalists just endless salariat.
The causes of my being disgusting are outside my control.
A hypocrite is someone with the intellectual integrity to allow their analysis to widely diverge from their behaviour.
Those who warn of the dangers of political ideologies are the most in thrall to ideology.
It is in my class interest to deny the existence of class interests.
Antagonistic relations can never be directly mediated. The contradiction must exist within the individual.
Antagonism management labour.
It is easiest to identify with someone who is unlike you but flatters your ego ideal.
There is a ressentiment in reading Bukowski. Only one can be celebrated for the pose of being against celebration. Privately congratulating yourself for not being a phoney simply by reading somebody who appears to not be.
Christianity has something for everyone. That is a criticism.
The eternal spitter of lines. Loosens every tongue in every time. With fair warning of the consequences.
Text is partly physiological.
Nature is the only free market. The only fully realised realm of chaos and anarchy!
Aggressively preventing someone from speaking is an important part of many vocal battles.
Where no prohibition is provided it must be created.
Lowering mental health awareness for the sake of our psychological wellbeing.
You cannot love what you cannot also fuck.
The villain is who we deeply identify with. The hero is just to placate the hypocritical Ego.
We must make it impossible to choose ignorance.
To laugh is the celebrate winning before the game has finished.
“No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.” - Simone de Beauvoir. It is literally incomprehensible to me that a man could not be anxious about his virility.
In the cocktail of life one needs a dash of bitters.
My reading of Onan “spilling his seed on the floor whenever he went in” is that he pulled out during sex and then ejaculated on his brother’s wife’s breasts. I don’t find it surprising that this was “displeasing in the sight of Lord".
Econo-electoral dynamics and equilibria.
I adopt an analysis which justifies my behaviour because I demand consistency from me.
The cynical irony of friendship. The earnest naiveté of love.
Everywhere looks like the centre of everything.
Matter is that which exists. Ideas are those things which do not exist. Everything else is all the things that neither exist nor don't exist.
Sex is similarity. Love is difference.
The hyper-clash of difference and similarity.
Love is the excluded middle between that which is sex and that which isn't sex.
The physical act of sex necessitates the metaphysical superstructure of love.
Love and sex are the primary manifestation of the idea-matter dialectic. Clashing and compensating.
The Terminator and The Event.
"The university exists to educate the population. It just has this one unfortunate side effect of propagating class." or "The university exists to propagate class. It just has this one unfortunate side effect of educating the population."
"Brexit and holidays. What do I need to know?" "You aren't allowed them anymore." "At least something good will come out of it."
New atheism was the ideological superstructure to the real project of killing Iraqis.
Is science compatible with science?
Is science compatible with reason?
Kant, a central enlightenment thinker wrote a book called 'the critique of pure reason' so why do we here people now say 'Enlightenment values of reason'.
Have children so you can make them do what you wish you were doing while you're at work.
Intelligence is the ability to sit down, shut up, and do what you are told.
I miss you like a government misses its targets.
documentary is truth, truth documentary,
Base-superstructure feedback.
Brexit has the structure of a dream. Remembering, repeating, and working through the financial crisis.
The whole country reeks of happy journalists.
meaningful means meaningful
This is a quick reminder that there is nothing you need to remember today.
Is there anything more shameful than a flightless bird.
How about *you* sit down and be humble.
We like stupid leaders because they are less good at lying.
I'm not in the national interest.
My political youth involved hurting others so hurting ourselves feels like progress.
The new is passé.
One superstition is predicting what will happen based on what some imaginary we would like to happen.
Towards a Freudian reading of The Terminator.
Turing completeness is the interface between materialism and idealism.
Remembering, repeating, and working through postmodernism.
Yes we have awful polices, zero intellectual foundation, and have just been made redundant by Labour's support for a second referendum but, on the plus side, Chuka Umunna is sort of vaguely good looking for an MP?
If you feel down, just remember you aren’t as shit as The Independent Group.
A referendum on no change vs some mysterious secret policy in a sealed envelope.
The moment comedy took as its exclusive subject comedy itself was the final full stop on the postmodern.
When you have an important decision to make try writing down the pros and cons on a piece of paper then burning it in a fire and screaming ‘why?’ and sobbing.
A leave vote as an oblique strategy for further integration with Europe.
By complete coincidence my analysis casts me as moral.
Deference to intelligence is equally and oppositely disgusting as deference to power.
You must try your hardest for if you succeed you will be happy and if you fail you might, just might, develop a deep critical analysis of why what you were trying to do was disgusting and a complete fucking waste of time you wankers.
My libidinal economy is running a trade deficit.
Regretting it was part of my plan.
The human is the animal that pretends the tomato is a fruit.
Criticising the individual is the same basic mode of analysis as praising him.
The more competition there is for a job, the less important competence in the job is. That is why competent people get the best jobs. Because the job doesn’t require competence so is competitive.
head boy/head girl art/politics/etc
It is impossible to be honest in a conversation because every sentence needs another sentence to explain why it was uttered.
Please dislike.
"Television is psychoanalysis in reverse." - Rick Roderick
"Haste is universal because everyone is in flight from himself." - Nietzsche.
"Deconstruction is either right or wrong. It can't be both. Unless it's right."
"The first half of life should involve constructing the ego. The second half deconstructing it."
Cinema + television + pornography = 1.
The law of the excluded middle is a feature of an early- Wittgenstein language wrongly applied to real language.
The ideal dialectic of Stanislavski and Brecht made manifest in the material dialectic of cinema and pornography played out in television.
The fashionable always pretends to be unfashionable.
The government pays actors to pretend to be tribes who perform modern gender roles in order to provide a mythological traditional origin for psychoanalytic purposes.
Everyone thinks they are in the centre by definition.
"We are talking about people and not numbers." In some way people are numbers in a profound sense. I'm talking about Gödel numbering.
The Beatles were contingent.
Art stands in opposition to analysis but contains within it an analytical posture.
Simply create a job where opposition to the giver of the job necessitates hypocrisy.
Might we be witnessing the beginning of history?
Mediocre people make the best leaders. Brilliant leaders are the way to ruin.
Every time I go shopping I buy ten five pence bags and throw them directly in to the ocean to prove to myself that I don't respond to financial incentives.
God of the old testament is beautiful in his envy and malevolence. What is disgusting about Christianity is a kind God. The Book of Job offers consolation where the Gospels offer despair.
Myth must accommodate the sexual with the political.
Ideas are the unmatter. Matter is the unideas.
Perversion concerns the non-sexual performance which surrounds the act itself.
1) Dialectical idealism. 2) Dialectical materialism. 3) The dialectic of matter and ideas.
99\% life crisis.
Zombies are fully objectified. Zombies are pure subject.
I too.
It is possible to lie by only telling the truth.
Fake news is a tautology.
I only just appreciated the contradictory element of the song's 'RELAX!' as an imperative.
Made to enjoy at gunpoint.
Made to relax at gunpoint.
Gervais et al. (2003)
So many good birds!
Comedy is the art that can be measured.
Dangerously low intake of television.
The primary function of debt is disciplinary, profit seeking comes a distant second.
The opposite of a hypocrite is a psychopath.
The display of taking joy in the abstract high pleasures is the bodily pleasure of sheer domination.
"... it is the value of the photographic equipment you consume first and foremost, and not of its objects. " - FJ
10 Good Bible Verses Every Business Needs for 2016
“I know what I want and I know how to get it” - someone who’s wrong.
Thinking of writing 'unfit for office' on my CV.
I always misspell hypocrite.
Just because I’m a hypocrite doesn’t mean I’m contradicting myself.
Does the psychopath Ted Bundy's remark "I'm just a normal individual" have a ring of truth to it? As in to be an individual is implicitly psychopathic. Also is normal a sort of antonym to individual such that the psychopath is a contradiction.
You're born guilty and learn how to be innocent.
Millionty million
The logic of negative concordance.
Belief in evolutionary theory is sexually selected for. The obscene display of the professor’s feathers.
The Nord Stream 2 pipeline explosion was necessarily a conspiracy. While that is a theory of a conspiracy it is not a conspiracy theory.
If you want someone to prove their love you demonstrate that you do not love and make theirs an impossibility.
Bigger men do bigger sneezes because their increased capacity for violence has made them unconcerned about offending others.
Beware of any analysis which has an element of complaint.
You hate what you become because you become what you hate.
Old things that every generation must discover anew.
Putting the baby in a trough is too emotionally manipulative. Like Springsteen’s “first kick I took was when I hit the ground”.
The idiom does all the work.
There is a metaphysics of sex and orgasm is an ontology.
All my favourite thoughts are a kind of brain disease.
Personality is for losers. An argument against winning.
A phantasmatic enemy structures every delusion.
The attempt at self consistency is self sabotage!
Negativism as a corollary of Positivism.
A common function of humour is to change the subject.
It is, to debase a phrase, …
Even given the clearly inadequate facilities in a stable for midwifery I think the manger was an irresponsible choice for a bed.
The cinema necessarily mocks psychoanalysis because the unidirectional flow of information prohibits all dialectics and irony is precisely the contradictory autodialectic.
Value is equilibrium price?
Electocracy vs democracy.
Always the suspicion that to criticise is to too much pay homage.
People frequently praise democracy but never elections.
GitHub is a filthy communist experiment. That's why Microsoft bought it.
Atheists are more religious than Christians. And humanists are the worst!
The Trinitarian Borromean knot of Christianity, Unchristianity and Antichristianity. And they are all opposites!
The only logical move from total belief to total unbelief is Christ.
The western stages civilisation's birth afresh.
I haven't been brainwashed I've been braindirtied.
If this company is doing so well it can afford to buy that many fake likes its product must be great.
I demand that you dominate me.
Can someone please disagree with my basic position?
God created the animals, the devil humanity.
God created the whole universe. Except the tongue which is the devil’s work.
The internet is television minus time.
"Have you been measured?" "Yes, do you want to know the result?" "No, just that you have been modified by the measurement."
Computer games reach toward a high boredom.
Computer games were a new medium born in an era they weren't aesthetically suited to.
You have to suppose your ideas were represented in matter in order that they existed to be changed.
It is not an act of updating your future ideas but updating your previous ideas.
Where we are presented with the impossible subject ask 'Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?", is it possible to imagine a real man dying and instead saying "Why was there nothing to forsake me?".
What is the virgin birth if not a direct statement of non-existence? Representing the fictional subject becomes a logical act of inverting the relation between matter and ideas.
Towards an atheist Christianity.
There has never been a real material square and yet the idea square has moved real matter. The actual matter has moved in different ways due to the idea of the square even though there can be no material squares.
Demonstrate your obedience!
The word late in late capitalism doesn't mean 'near the end of' but rather designates that it is of a different form to early capitalism.
History happens in backwards time.
Overemphasising the relevance of elections to democracy.
The exact moment before the Wizard of Oz is revealed. The space between touching and not touching.
Cinema sex now has to pretend the viewer lacks knowledge of the pornographic image to give her the obscene joy of fake innocence. I can enjoy pretending I am a child who does not find this banal.
Pornography which contains within itself a theory of its relation to cinema, video and computer games as the correct location of the vulgarity of analysis.
Science as a cultural object wrought through its metaphorical function.
Critical theory as a hyper-ideology. The final logical step of an indestructible whole.
Political theories shouldn't be judged according to whether they are true or false but rather by their material effect.
Ideas appear to be more good than they are because the bad ones die young.
Beware the unhypocrites who use their manifest properties as proof of some theory of their production.
Nature is that which best demonstrates the resolution of screens.
The billionaire makes a wife that represents some opposite to create the plus one minus one whole. The giving left hand to clap the taking right hand. Nothing makes a woman wet like a hundred million dollars of cancer research.
The highest acts are now lexical.
Cancerism.
Culture's reactionary function is its provision of oppositional balance. The symbolic negation which sustains the material proposition.
A metric on desire.
The ideal plus noise.
Perhaps Dark Matter is composed entirely of Russell teapots.
We the impotent. We the deranged and malajusted. We who ask for things to be worse. The unhealthy, the neurotic, the schizophrenic. We confused by the text on screens and the power dialectic of questions. We have the whip over you now.
The only time I felt alive was after ten hours on Grand Theft Auto V and walking around London at 3am.
I'm not so pretentious as to not be pretentious.
Every word cuts the world into seven sets. For instance beauty implies its opposite ugliness but also ugly beauty, unugly beauty, ugly unbeauty, and unugly unbeauty, and the empty set.
Apologies are aggressive because they suppose an accusation.
Infinite sentences and zero percent of them are good.
This role needs a lazy lying rascal. I'm pleased to tell you that you have the most merit on these metrics.
Sentences and analysis spill out as a distraction from what you are doing.
Critical Christianity.
The steam engine created the intellectual.
An intellectual is someone whose sentences are useful to power.
My relative capacity for obedience and disobedience is not a function of myself but of my material conditions.
Laziness and stupidity are the most important merits.
The chief analyser is that which is most in need of analysis.
Speaking clearly is too aggressive for most.
It will be bad for us? Great, I hate us.
Me wash Iself.
Speaking as someone who identifies as a bigot...
Omniscience could be defined as a singular mapping of every sentence to its truth value. A lot of atheists believe there is such a thing.
Is it possible to map a single sentence to its truth value?
Desperately trying to pretend these sentences came from a man.
Twitter is the pinnacle of logocentrism. Turing's totalitarian dream of the human as pure sentences.
Medium terror.
The main source of sentences in your life is never benign.
"I'm offended." "Sorry you had such a mild response. I was trying to be truly vicious."
The utter pinacle of civilisation will be a rich man using St Paul's Cathedral as his bathroom.
If nothing is as important to you as your son then you are capable of terrible things.
You think it is a virtue that you can't imagine killing your son?
Wahabi peas.
If you really thought you were innocent then you would apologise.
Just because it might be true that you will die doesn't mean you can't consider the nightmare of not dying and dwell on the horror of it.
The word stands in as a sign for its opposite.
"We need to..." "No I wont."
Fiercely stupid.
If nationalism is bad for the nation, then isn't it nationalist to be against nationalism?
Would you spend time with someone you love for a million pounds?
You can forgive someone for fucking you over for their own benefit but not if they did it for the sheer pleasure.
Veganism is less effective than suicide.
I think I’m innocuous because I wash my rubbish before putting it in the bin.
"Pastiche is a neutral practice of mimicry, without any of parody's ulterior motives, amputated of the satiric impulse, devoid of laughter and of any conviction that alongside the abnormal tongue you have momentarily borrowed, some healthy linguistic normality still exists." -FJ
"I'm impotent and sometimes it can be difficult; it can be really really hard." "That's not what she said."
“To understand the man you have to know what was happening in the world when he was twenty.” - Napoleon
Steven Pinker wanted to write a book about whether or not things were good or bad. He compiled all the evidence and then decided what the conclusion was going to be.
It is with great pleasure that I can appear to say this with great sadness.
All sex is pornography but the camera is usually imaginary.
Pop is a full stop.
Toilet 7 3/4
Consistent personality consistently alienated.
The bizarre appears to have been predictable.
Alternative culture is more globally homogeneous than the mainstream.
The most basic observation it is possible to make.
I can forget but not forgive.
"Will you take the red pill or the blue pill?" "Double drop?"
Why is so much atheism expressed with irony?
The trashiest TV is made by the professors.
A Leave vote as an oblique strategy for further integration with the EU?
Supply-demand curves are consistent with the labour theory of value.
Wet for wage slaves.
There are no capitalists under capitalism.
Satire is reaction in its purest form.
"The process any member state must follow to exit the EU is governed by Article 50 of the bloc’s Lisbon Treaty, which, ironically, was authored by a British diplomat keen to deter exits from the EU."
Democracy is the pretense of consent.
scene + obscene = 1
1 - cinema = pornography
Get Slightly Above Median Income or Get Depressed Tryin’
“The skills workers offer our economy”. Huh?
A lib dem MP used the phrase 'clustershambles' presumably to avoid saying fuck or plagiarising the The Thick of It which introduces its obverse; 'omnifuck'.
One minus maybe.
Econo-electoral equilibrium.
Elections create classes because shared material interests necessarily agglomerate to half population scale sets.
The coalition and later the Conservatives did an excellent job designing economic policy in response to the Great Recession. As long as you don’t understand graphs.
Smoke in the winter sunlight Wondering whether I should Get my arse lasered
Smoke in sunlight.
The most exciting thing about sex is the possibility of disaster.
Speech lends balance to its material opposite.
I have a can don't attitude.
A lib dem MP used the phrase 'clustershambles' presumably to avoid saying fuck or plagiarising the The Thick of It which introduces its obverse; 'omnifuck'.
A or ~A. A and feA.
The fe in female is not un.
High status meta-labour needs a statement about its utility.
Remembering, Repeating and Working Through is my definition of masturbation.
“Enter the ghost, exit the ghost, re-enter the ghost.”
You can’t define I without defining God. And I stand by Nietzsche’s remark that God is dead. I is dead and we have killed it.
Communism can not simply be not capitalism otherwise we had thirteen billion years of communism up to the industrial revolution.
God is the common traits of every I.
Politics is designed to fully occupy the surplus thought of the population.
“Modernism is aesthetically concerned with time. Postmodernism with space.”
Sousrealism
What I enjoy about the Marvel Cinematic Universe is the compute time expended.
Is there anything so aggressive in speech or text as accuracy.
There is something deeply interesting about the coincidence of just temperament and equal temperament. It is an eternal mystery of music.
Art makes the same mistake as the ontological proof. It claims to change the world by merely changing the description of the world.
If life is beautiful why do we need the words beauty and ugly.
In the history of the world nobody has ever accidentally knocked over a drink.
A complete and closed system constructed by pure structural necessity for shouting at clouds.
A complete system with a necessary structure for shouting at clouds.
Hegel was the best ever at shouting at clouds.
A defence of failure against success.
The definition of race is that categorisation which is generally described as race.
The easiest lie to tell is to equivocate on "they".
One paragraph of Hegel is a day well spent.
A diagnosis is involuntary by definition.
The Marvel Cinematic Village (MCV).
Those social conditions that condition consciousness and those that don’t.
The world is a dream. The dream is to leave.
The universal subject.
Capitalism without communism. Communism without capitalism. Capitalism with communism. Niether capitalism nor communism. Are any of these contradictions?
Is there some way we could work together to get all the vitriol and division of a second referendum but keep the awful deadlock?
All I's are identical. It is the me's that are different.
I = "the impossible consistent closed system"
An internally consistent formal system can not sustain a subject-I.
My life's work is building an internally consistent set of self-deceptions.
I'd be interested in a literary critique of scientific articles. The anti-aesthetic aesthetic.
mass psychology/mass psychosis/collective unconscious
What more romantic thing to hear than “it is in my material interests to enjoy the fruits of the economies of scale with you”?
My theories about my delusions have become my delusions about my theories.
The cruel dialectic of marriage.
The relative proportions of the stupid and the clever is, by complete coincidence, exactly as required.
An idea is the space in which matter can form contradictory relations.
I think therefore I am but I don't know what Is, thinks, therefores, or ams are.
Oh for country's sake!
Can we have a referendum with one option and it is 'I'm sorry and deserve to be punished.'
Eve was innocently bisexual and Adam tempted her into the corruption of heterosex. The fall... into binary oppositions of language.
Finally I too can enjoy the pleasure of state sanctioned guilt.
Gay Marriage was a great step forward for civilisation but much more significant was its sister Gay Adultery.
Descriptions modify the described.
We argue to some extent about what future we want but we disagree much more viciously about what present we have.
It seems to please you for me to hold stupid opinions and I want to please you.
I'm enjoying your enjoying my enjoyment or I'm not enjoying you not enjoying my non-enjoyment, but how how to move from one self consistent logical system to the other?
All the best sexual fantasies are clichéd.
Utopia as nightmare. Nightmare as utopia.
There are not two sexes but they are a necessary element in a coherent fantasy of I.
If you don't know if you are a neurotic or a pervert can you safely say that you are a neurotic?
The desire to murder is not forbidden. Just the act of murder is forbidden. This is why there are no jokes about murder. Can you spot the absent word?
I's interests are different to mine.
"What are your guilty pleasures?" "Guilt itself."
What are my guilty pleasures? Are there any other kind?
Permissive sexuality is part of a state-corporate scheme to deny the population any guilt-pleasure.
"The neurotic symptoms and jokes are acceptable ways of articulating the forbidden." When the joke itself is forbidden we then know that the apparently forbidden is not forbidden.
The Bible was written by a secret ministry of state sponsored comedians as a moral-obverse presenting as its opposite in order to cement social stability through the ironic presentation of dissent.
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife". Ok, I won't covet her for a single second, even while we're fucking.
Should the UK government be Perverted or Neurotic?
We demand a Neurotic's Vote. And again and again.
You can be perverse or neurotic.
We demand a Pervert's Vote.
Frustrating the will of the pervert is what the pervert wants.
"In this sense the pervert is submitted to the Other's desire, "The Lord's will be done" could be the motto of perversion." - Lacan c.f. "The will of the people".
other/ather
Another/Anather
Mather and Fother. Fale and Mefale.
Free speech is the freedom to choose the single permitted speech act.
Postnow
'I am not driven by money' is a contradiction. Money is a measure of that which drives you.
I don't want that which I want.
There can be no marketplace of ideas because ideas have zero marginal reproduction cost.
Children merely believe in the actual material existence of Father Christmas for which they can be forgiven. Adults are so naive as to believe in its mythological significance.
The need to repress and hide can itself be hidden and repressed by the simple act of publicity.
Sad scenes on street corners.
I'm a truly gifted hypocrite. My capacity for moral grandstanding is matched only by my natural talent for misdeeds.
Better actors more effectively reveal the falsity of appearances. Rather than getting 'to the heart of the character' they reveal the falsity of actually existing characters. There is no depth to your grief.
The grammatical confusion between 'Tom and I' and 'Tom and me' is due to a a confusion over the subject-object relation with Tom.
The binary distinctions of subject I and object me necessitate God and binary genders. Fraction objects and fractional subjects. A superposition of I and me.
The human is the animal that in Springtime can be seen using cows' milk to make edible replica bird eggs.
Chocolate eggs follow the seasons of actual bird egg laying while being made out of cows' milk which is available all year. Some species, such as great horned owls, get started even earlier, nesting in the dead of winter.
It is not in my material interest to wear the veil of ignorance.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" - Steven Pinker quoting Hanlon's razor. "Never associate to stupidity what can be explained by self interest" - Yanis Varoufakis. A difference between left and right?
Is comedy inherently reactionary?
As soon as I notice something is against my interest. In order to prove I’m not a robot?
Really it should be called Lets Talk About Talking About Sex.
The song Lets Talk About Sex has a notable absence of any talk about sex whatsoever.
A writer is someone who thinks their writing is good.
Jeff Bezos fucked a novelist.
It is undemocratic to have any more general elections because we already had one in 1695.
Purely based on the assumption that speech acts reflect their opposites. Women take offence at being pure subject and men have the privilege of being objects. Misogyny can then manifest as denying objectivity.
When de Beauvoir says 'woman is not born but made' the obvious implication is that man is not made but born. Her claim that 'man is both the neutral and the sexed' but woman is 'only sexed' is consistent with this to a limit. The asymmetry is in man's capacity to be pure object.
Saying sorry is always aggressive.
The true British European is willing to see Britain and themselves fail for the good of the European project.
Do you think when politicians talk to each other they still talk as if they want "what's best for the country"? I'm worried that they actually do.
There is precisely one man and one woman and they both lived in 1992 (Schwarzenegger/Anderson). Everyone else is a superposition. I'm 0.45 Schwarzenegger + 0.44 Anderson.
The real aspect of descriptions.
Can not means the opposite of cannot.
A rock can not believe in God but it can't believe in God. The atheist wants to retain the possibility of believing in God while not believing.
Marriage used to be an aperitif. Now it is a digestif.
The obscenity of making Olympians wear clothes.
I don’t get caricatures done on holiday because I already am one.
Yeah you say you feel sorry for his suffering on the cross but it looks like you’re celebrating the humiliation and murder of a political radical.
The division of personality in the manufacture of culture.
Good leaders make the worst leaders.
Debate is the worst way to win an argument.
A beautiful man can look in the mirror and mistakenly see a beautiful man.
I didn’t understand what The Death of Stalin was about.
My idols are those who excel at holidaying.
Totalitarian light entertainment.
The freedom for someone else to say what they want at me through the TV.
I was faced with the choice of being a happy hypocrite or unhappy and moral, and after much deliberation I decided to be an unhappy hypocrite.
The aesthetic of reason.
My analysis can predict what someone in my condition’s opinions will be which is why I think the opposite?
How close was two eyes and one mouth to being one eye and two mouths?
You can trust stupid people more than the intelligent because they don't have such a capacity to swindle you.
Male unfemales, unmale females, male females, unfemale unmales, female unmales, unfemale males, female males, and unfemale unmales.
Yeah sure you do all that good stuff but what do you actually say about it?
We might be great but I am nasty.
My true self is my social position.
Why I chose messing around and playing computer games over following my Olympic dreams.
The two best pieces I’ve read on anti-semitism are The Dialectic of Enlightenment and The Mass Psychology of Fascism.
Free to choose who you obey.
Formal equalities. Implicit hierarchy.
Everone thinks their opinions are the best by definition.
“Forget tribalism” - leader of English tribe.
It is precisely those thoughts and decisions that seem to you most you own that you were given by the masses.
Obedience can be highly aggressive.
I like him, that’s what’s wrong with him.
Publicly ashamed. Privately proud.
The best thing about being successful is knowing you have ruined your children’s lives.
Ralph Miliband made a convincing argument and backed it up with two pieces of evidence.
What is the ideological function of adding a scene in which Alice is engaged to a sexually unattractive aristocrat before she goes down the rabbit hole?
Johnny Depp has an incredible talent for not looking embarrassed.
Professions are a means to avoid growing out of your more stupid beliefs.
Journalists love Brexit because it is easy for them to argue against righteously.
So much satire presents us with some supposed taboo that on close inspection is no taboo but rather a foundational ideological supposition.
Children have been born and died in the time Clive James has been saying he’s nearly dead.
The TV has a lot of people laughing a lot.
So torn between my hatred of environmentalists and honeymooners.
Hats off to the Conservatives for the dialectical reversal of painting themselves as whinging fucking pussy tory snowflakes.
What if Brad Pitt wasn't good in bed?! It feels like just the sort of disgusting irony the world might throw up.
"We're behaving as if we are heading for war but we don't really believe war can happen which is why it can happen."
Endless love stories. No love. No stories.
The 'pale blue dot' image of earth pretends the modesty of 'we are just a tiny species on a tiny planet' but the true meaning is the high arrogance of taking 'we' as the eye. The viewer of a photograph always and everywhere associates with the photographer not the image.
The toilet is an ideological battle ground because it symbolises the inner life.
To have your cake and eat it and not have it and not eat it and neither have nor not have it and neither eat nor not eat it.
Not talented people! Talented people are the worst kind of people.
Irony is a means to have your cake and eat it and not have it and not eat it.
The division of personality.
Is it possible that the reduction in road deaths due to driverless cars could offset deaths due to global warming? The current value is about 100 million deaths per century.
Subjective objects, subjective unobjects, unsubjective objects, unsubjective unobjects, objective subjects, objective unsubjects, unobjective subjects, and unobjective unsubjects.
Toxic terrorism.
Self hatred is insufficiently cruel. It is to not take full responsibility for your tragic position.
We created the sytem of symbols. If the system demands a creator we have merely proved our own existence.
In order to apparently resolve my tensions, contradictions, and ressentiment the media product must mystify its operation in some way. This is most easily done by representing some demystification.
The only task that remains is to accurately describe our failure and ruin.
We created the system of symbols. If the system demands a creator we have merely proved our own existence.
Relativism is a higher universalism.
I will provide one hour of icy cold libidinal disengagement.
An ontological proof that the ontological proof will never die.
Non-bullshit Marxism is impossible because every route out of metaphysics leads to metaphysics.
If a two state solution is impossible what about having a two state problem as a compromise?
Blank refusal to engage in the libidinal economy.
Humour is one of the few ways it is permissible to be intentionally ambiguous.
Humourlessness is a potent form of aggression.
History likes his ironies cruel!
Psalm 22 is staring straight into Hell.
The genitals are a triple visual pun on shitting, fucking, and pissing. The crucifixion likewise on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Satire is moralism with a condescending tone.
I try to forget Christ was disgusting once a day.
Vedette
Living life for the trance like state induced by ten hours on a video game.
When you can say it it's over.
"In order to keep God alive, women have to be entirely hidden." - Badiou.
We don't live in a democracy. We don't live in a capitalist economy. Thing's names literally translate as their opposites.
Aggressive humour as a tool of power.
What if every neuron is Turing complete?
The predicate is an object and so is the subject.
Bayesic
Ding an sich. Dong an sich.
Subject Oriented Programming.
They take offence at people taking offence.
Every question is 'which answer would your friends give?'
There are seventeen million people in the United Kingdom.
Every question contains a conflict between its truth value and its material outcomes.
"Love is a sign of our wretchedness. God can only love himself. We can only love something else." - Weil.
The politics of ulterior motives.
The atoms in my brain act rationally according to fixed principles but they all line up to represent irrational descriptions of things. This ability to be irrational is what thinking is.
The irrationality of multiple rational individuals.
Rationality is like a soldier. It's job is not to reason why it reasons from its axioms but to reason from them.
The meta-irrationality of insisting my instrumental and epistemic rationalities are consistent.
I know my wants and desires are irrational so I rationally maximise their irrationally determined utilities.
'Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.' - Mao.
I am driven by the desire to help people so that they become dependent and under my control.
Squares are supernatural.
A lot of ink has been spilled over the last year on that sentence introduction.
Christian atheism
The left cares only about money. The right takes as its object sex, love, and culture etc.
All the multivariate oppositions rendered concrete in one abstract binary.
I should wear the veil of ignorance but I don't want to thanks.
"The ideal gas law is the best method for improving the coverage of a volume that has ever been tried in the history of this gas." - an atom.
You think it is a coincidence that they call it the big bang and bang is vulgar slang for fucking? You don't get rid of Adam and Eve that easy.
When Ray Kurzweil dies we shall not hold a funeral but a celebration of death.
Whether or not your life recurs infinitely partly depends on whether lives are countably or uncountably infinite.
Immortality is the most brutal and disgusting form of death.
The final enlightenment nightmare is the end of death.
The hardest thing about grief is when after five years you return to a base level happiness and realise your loved ones will respond with the same indifference to your passing.
The true atheist doesn't speak.
"Fuck you." "I have consulted my lawyers and we are willing to let you withdraw that remark."
Every part of me is rational they just have different aims.
Likewise, what do you suppose contradictions mean?
Just because some of your adversaries made a stupid argument doesn’t mean all of them believed it.
Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John didn't really get what Jesus was on about.
True Myth
Jesus' absent primal scene is what renders him the impossible unsinner.
What do you think it means for the expression of an idea to itself be an example of that same idea?
The pen is mightier than the S-word.
Christianity claims the primal scene as the origin of the universe, the primeval atom, the big bang.
"To clarify the tasks of sex-economic mental hygiene, we have to pay close attention to the way political reaction attacks and defends itself on the cultural political front."
No, it makes an assume out of ass, u, and me.
The page remains undefeated.
I’ve a mind to take four KitKat Chunkys and ‘weld’ them together by applying melted chocolate at the seams.
“And yet a huge audience, the flower of the educated upper class, sits through these six hours of mad performance and leaves imagining that, having given this stupidity its due, it has acquired a fresh right to regard itself as progressive and enlightened.” - Tolstoy on Wagner.
I haven’t changed my mind since one moonlit drunken walk in the countryside when I was eighteen.
The more educated you are the more sophisticated your wrong ideas.
“Act now or face climate catastrophe.” “You said that ten years ago.”
“If a theory justifies the false position which a certain part of society is in, however baseless and even obviously false tge theory may be, it will get adopted and become the belief of that part of society.” - Tolstoy.
The madman takes his culture at its word.
The Bank of England is trying to prevent a suicide by warning the suicidal of negative health outcomes.
Christianity is Terminator without the primal scene.
You know our culture is ugly because its art is ugly.
It’s not an essay but a succès.
Can there be more than one perfect thing?
Truth means truth, beauty beauty.
Art is not as beautiful as advertising. And I say that to slag off art, beauty, and advertising which form an aggressive trinity.
The meanings of sentences, from Hegel to Joyce, are trivial compared to the meanings of words.
“The more vague and confused the concept conveyed by a word, the greater the aplomb and assurance with which people use the word” - Tolstoy on art could easily be on science.
A superstitious use of the word ‘Science’ to mean it is evident.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Make a fine dining experience of it and savour every mouthful with a glass of claret.
The moment a play is performed is during the ticket sale. That is the true theatre.
People go to the theatre because they know it is the one place where they will feel nothing.
I’m glad I look bad because I hold your eyes in contempt.
The most frightening thing in the world is your hands.
Everytime someone says the deal won’t pass the commons it gets more likely.
Black belt in marital arts.
1001 things you must do after you die.
The best way to determine public policy is a shit chatting competition.
I completely accept my shame at myself and those who tell me I have to be proud of my body just to fit in with their preconceived ideas of ‘normal’ just can’t handle that I’m happy with my shame.
Brexit could be an example of the Abilene paradox.
Theatre is not performative.
The suspicion that sports fans most enjoy their losses.
You have never wanted to take a hammer to a vase?
"This is an act of national self harm." "Is that an argument for or against?"
Have a go at selling the word soft.
Hard Brexit? Soft Brexit? Semi-On Brexit?
British Gas owed me £17.86 due to overpayment so I sent the bailiffs round to their corporate headquarters.
Captivity reduces the birth rate.
Just enough mind to question, not quite enough to answer.
Free to do things you don't want to do.
As it was created by technology, so it was destroyed by it.
Kind words, cruel hands.
The greater the rebellion the more complete the final obedience.
Just because I have my foot on your neck doesn’t mean your analysis of the situation is superior.
Actors always react in an appropriate way. They cry when someone dies and laugh when something funny happens.
Plural I.
A dangerous cocktail of rebellion and obedience.
Why don't you want to go back to square one? Square one was paradise.
Beef burgers, cheeseburgers, John Bergers,...
"Which side of the culture war are you on?" "I'm more of the everyone's a cunt school."
Democracy is incompatible with the rule of law.
"I am worth nothing." "Oh come on, you are much worse than that."
"That language is inappropriate." "All language is inappropriate."
When you give them what you want and they give you what they want everyone gets fucked.
All the other sports are metaphorical boxing.
Televised sports and nature documentaries both represent paradise as somewhere where everyone has a well defined role.
Making political speeches is like playing an instrument; it is very difficult to do well, can be very beautiful and has nothing to do with politics.
Every time I hear someone say 'you only live once' I become more convinced that it isn't true.
Do you deny that Will Smith’s smile is a piece of aggression?
What do you want to prove you think?
You ruin me.
Professional sports players are the only people that take part in reality.
Even that last ninetieth year is some infinitesimal coincidence.
Equilibrium dialectics.
Everytime I hear ‘Britons never, never, never shall be slaves’ I think, I wonder how long before we are all slaves.
Rational self-disinterest.
Little mechanical dolls pursuing happiness.
Do you not find it strange how it is completely assumed that you want to do what is best for you?
I'm a bad motherfucker with a BSOH.
“Your behaviour is unacceptable.” “Your behaviour I fully accept. Like I accept shit in my toilet.”
God doesn’t believe in I.
The mass psychology dictatating which moment the media starts to show leaders looking physically pathetic and its feedback with media power.
Isn’t “in the country researching the UAE's security strategy” the definition of spying on the UAE?
MISERABLE INGRATITUDETAKING!
BSOH
I believe that my imaginary friend doesn't really exist.
Buildings are a social construct.
I'm a nasty vicious cunt but don't hold that against me.
An atheist is someone who doesn't think they could kill their own son.
Should the UK government pick at this Conservative scab Europe?
If you think that box will still be red when you die then you believe in life after death.
The treaty of worst failure.
It's counting that thinks.
“That is completely inappropriate!” “Thank you.”
2008 was a failed farce.
"How wretched man's lot is when he has lost that for which he was made! Oh how hard and cruel was that Fall! " - Proslogion.
Despair is knowing that even suicide can't cure you.
Eurgh this conversation is so boring can we please talk about something other than everything apart from sex.
There can be no I and yet there it is.
"Chapters I. A rousing of the mind to the contemplation of God 2. That God truly exists ..."
"Tachyonic antitelephone"
You cannot do justice to how beautiful my words are.
The boss of online gambling firm Bet365 has a CBE for services to the community.
An orgasm is a kind of error.
You really can “have it all”. You can have both the vulgar triumph of domination and the terrible guilt of violence. The phantasmic joy of utopia and the utter devastation of tragedy!
There are relations between material conditions and symbolic manoeuvres. Let us consider how mortgages relate to the idiom “be like”. Let us take one step further and ask how slaughtered children relate to the Taylor Swift line “I could see you up against the wall with me.”
The only existing Christians are the Scandinavian “Church burning” metal musicians.
One interesting literary genre is all encompassing fringe physics theories self published by retirees.
The word I is grammatically incorrect.
Had the Confederates won the American Civil War might the United States of America now be like the European Union?
God is not dead. He's a cunt.
Democracy is extremely effective at moderating disagreements between people who agree.
The first instinct of the social being is to mimic an idiom.
I do not like being reduced to a type. But if I do not know my type I can never transcend it.
The Marxist is necessarily for gun ownership since revolution is impossible if the state has a monopoly on violence.
I have been miserable, sad, hatefully suicidal, mournful, and melancholic. But depression is beneath me.
Programming languages are written entirely in the imperative mood. Can the master-slave dialectic operate with such a limited grammar?
"That is just ideology." "Are you proud of not having a 'system of ideas and ideals'? "
The purpose of the menu is not to present the customer with the various food options. It is to give them a sense of power over others which they enjoy more than mere eating.
"The gambling industry is facing criticism for not doing enough to deal with problem gambling."
Every life requires a new general theory of psychology.
Freud created a final, universal, and total description of exactly his momentary, personal, and specific psychology.
This film is so unrealistic. It is just colourful shadows on a white surface coincident with prerecorded sound.
Perhaps if I am obnoxious to this shop assistant I might finally come to terms my miserable failed life.
If atheists find the racism, incest, genocide, famine, slavery, domestic violence, and worse that is found in the Bible to be distasteful perhaps they would enjoy a Care Bears picture book instead.
The autumn of man. Bitter winds will savage the earth.
Martin Rees considers a mere million deaths to be a calamity but the car already gives us that once per year.
A peaking global population is a terrifying portent. The beginning of Utopia.
Is there a blasphemy greater than Christ?
I have strong opinions and weak ideas.
I have the shittest opinions in the room but the room deserves it.
All those attitudes that once served me so well are now weighing me down like wine bottles for the recycling.
To attain your opposite stance by sheer force of will is one mad pastime.
My illusions are my most proudly held possessions.
Personality is like geology. Pressures build on vast time scales. Shifts are fast, violent, and catastrophic.
Animals live in paradise.
Infinity is an odd number because infinite irony is ironic.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. A man take a picture of a sock on the street while his wife said ‘oh, for goodness sake John!’ A seagull tear a used tampon from a bin bag and try to mine it for sustenance.
I love the increasing anonymity of Brexit secretaries.
It’s not in my class interest to talk about my class interest.
The greatest offence to the greatest number.
The reason we are all hoping and dreaming that climate change kills us all is we dread the banality of the end of capitalism.
Americans are all so smart. That’s what makes them so thick.
As you get drunk you reveal more and more of your conscious mind. You lose your unconscious impulse to lie.
“Have the horrors of the World War really not opened our eyes? Are we still unable to see that man’s concious mind is even more devilish and perverse than the unconscious?” - Jung
Understanding is always and everywhere an illusion.
I suspect that the deaths due to climate catastrophe will be much more boring than we have been promised.
Most people hate leisure.
The sort of person who thinks there is exactly one interpretation of a sentence which is to ask if it’s true.
Cleverness is the opposite of intelligence.
Shoenberg’s twelve tone method is the simplest possible way of ensuring equal note use.
“Set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world.” But then no one would ever critise the world. Oh I see, that is the point. Are you not criticising the world with your aphorism?
I don’t need the world anymore. I have Red Dead Redemption II.
Without sin. Where sin is Spanish for without.
without without
In the future automation will have reached such a degree and productivity be so high that we will be able to work twenty four hours a day.
The mask slips and there is a sweet kind man.
"What do you want to do when you grow up?" "Fuck you!" "That position is already taken."
The reason music is repetitive is that is the only way the musicians can remember what to play.
New categories. New nightmares.
I’m in love with the higher beauty of your tits and arse and cunt and cock and balls and hole not the baseness of your sophisticated wit and nuanced sensitivity.
Insanity, like vampires, has to be invited in.
There is a certain philosophy of mathematics in the decision to designate midday 12pm. The exact point between before and after is after.
Ideology based evidence/evidence based ideology.
Freedom is being able to click on any website you want.
Marriage is our way to celebrate having fallen out of love with each other.
I'm proud of being ashamed of myself.
Not content with fucking up straight sex the state goes after the holy act of gay sex too.
Democracy is the representation of similarities as differences.
Twitter is the opium of the elites.
The greatest thing the mind can conceive of?! That is less great than a fly!
God exists but is marginally less than the greatest thing the mind can conceive. His only flaw is non-existence.
Letting someone win is a much better way to humiliate them than simply beating them.
-H
There will be black market vicars!
I support the criminalisation of all marriage.
Bisexual marriage is implicitly excluded.
I think all the ideologically correct thoughts but for the wrong reasons.
Jordon Peterson DESTROYS postmodernism by not knowing what it is!
Arguing about gender theory is the best foreplay.
The intellectual 'battle' between idealism and materialism stands in for the psychoanalytic conflict between love and sex respectively.
Lies reveal the deepest truths.
The freedom to choose which workplace you are repressed in.
Anselm tried to prove the existence of God. Russell tried to disprove the existence of a teapot. The English celebrate Russell.
Humanism is the word for a billion eyes rolling in unison.
The monks gave up their money and did it for free. The scientists get paid. This feature encapsulates the nature of the change.
God is a necessary feature of language. Language does not exist in reality. There is no therefore.
I determine some concept greatness. This conception is only in my mind by definition. If something that exists in my mind is less great than something that also exists in reality then my concept of greatness is not the greatest and must be thrown out.
'God is a being than which none greater can be imagined.' Greater by what metric? All? What if some metrics are inversely related?
Misogyny is the general hatred of women. Men are hated specifically.
All you need is love. All you want is hate.
Modernity was a man in a traffic jam looking at a large billboard image of breasts. Postmodernity was a man totally emerged in pornography. Hypermodernity is the infinite it.
Don't bite the tit that feeds you.
What I want is all the downsides of the EU but no say over how it evolves. I.e. what we had before but made evident.
I always prefer interesting errors to banal truths.
"This is for your own good!" "Then as a special favour I'll let you take it in my place."
Don't you find the kind slave owners in Twelve Years a Slave more repulsive than the brutal ones? At least Fassbender struggled with his contradictions, Cumberbatch was the moral underpinning of the whole system.
The computer screen is totalitarian.
If we accept that the Swastika functions by representing the primal scene; the sex act that conceived you, then what do we make of the bitten apple which so clearly represents the original sin; the sex act that conceived us all?
When Rihanna says 'work' it is obviously 'sex'. We can then look at every instance of the word work in that way.
Irrationality is more interesting than the rational.
"National Socialists made conscious use of revolutionary melodies, to which they sang reactionary lyrics."
One terrorist's man is another freedom fighter's man.
TV is reality. The physical world is just a pale imitation.
My favourite theory is that the Swastika is a depiction of the primal scene.
Just because a new referendum would be more ugly, more violent, and more destructive does not mean it wont happen.
What would it mean to not hold that "it is not the consciousness of men that determines their existence but their social existence that determines their consciousness"?
The man with coherent opinions is a frightening thing.
Sometimes the strongest attack is a refusal to resist.
I'm petit bourgeois and mad as hell!
In both films Schwarzenegger is death personified. In the second it has been integrated into the psyche but ultimately Sarah is still kidding herself that she can evade it by having a son.
At least catastrophe and poverty are more interesting to think about and observe than happiness and prosperity. Maybe we will produce some good art.
Why the change of language? Because a person with depression is less dangerous than a miserable man.
Everyone is paid to say everything.
New modes of sex are a clue to what form the emerging world is taking.
Freedom is the question 'what is freedom?'
Where Kierkegaard said 'because all are Christians ipso facto none are' can we say 'because all are atheist ipso facto none are'?
Are you English insecure yet? Are you vulnerable to questions of what you are?
Went to a job interview. They asked me what am I doing? Paused for five minutes then gently left.
Everybody in the university is a sophist because they are paid to do it. That is why students should be suspicious of what they say.
The last American president was FDR.
Dave was not thinking dialectically.
it
If you got killed by a shark you'd think 'this is way more boring than Jaws'.
Atheism is the beginning of Christianity.
The most important danger to teach children about is the truth.
The conflict between narration and image in TV nature documentaries is the viewer's sexual repression.
My weakness is meta-argumentation.
The internet serves every want except the want for the destruction of the internet.
"... every tribe that developed from a matriarchal to a patriarchal organization had to change the sexual structure of its members to produce a sexuality in keeping with its new form of life."
Keep getting gold stars and maybe one day you can be the person who hands out gold stars.
"We are all going to have to eat less meat to save the environment." "Et tu, Brute?"
The tragedy of non-overlapping instrumental and epistemic rationality.
The first beginning sleep.
The credits roll and the simulation begins.
Epiloguernism.
Where Modernism was a utopian monoculture and Postmodernism was a cornucopia of multiculture this is the one singular infiniculture.
The reason I suspect Freddie Mercury's claim to be going slightly mad is having glimpsed over the precipice I didn't have the urge to sing upbeat mainstream pop about it.
The television era was an era of the image. The internet works its evil magic with text.
What terrible catastrophe is being made possible by the mass psychology of the internet?
"I'm going to climb in your mind and ruin everything" - television. "You don't even know what ruin means" - internet.
I was a hypocrite. I radically changed both my speech acts and my behaviour. Now I'm a hypocrite facing the other way.
Hamlet is clinically depressed.
Opiates are the opium of the masses.
The happiest time in Sartre’s life was writing Nausea.
All my pleasures are vicarious now.
I don't think Freddie Mercury was going slightly mad.
"Not everything is explained by your pet theory." "I'm telling you, the world is secretly controlled by cats and dogs."
"Television is psychoanalysis in reverse."
Nietzsche induced mania.
God is receiving CPR.
Intellectuals like dangerous ideas because they are so physically feeble that is the only way to be dangerous.
"Human beings don't want happiness. Only the English want that." - Nietzsche.
"Always act so that you can will the rule of your action to be a universal law." "Cool, will do."
Language had to come along and ruin everything.
Protestantism had to come along and take away my only hobby; sinning.
The natural translations of 'id' and 'ego' would be it and I.
You can't even say you're not allowed to say things anymore without someone saying you can you just can't expect people to accept it without fighting back.
It is not a war if you know you are going to win.
Can I just buy the instagram photos directly without having to go through the awful tedium of the holiday?
Steven Pinker thinks he can write because he says 'one the other side' instead of 'on the other hand'.
The art of national conversation hasn't been born.
Death is the only democracy.
“Please refrain from using obscene language.” “All language is obscene.”
Iceland loves the rainforest?
Just gave a dog the middle finger while its owner wasn’t looking. A passerby saw and looked perturbed.
“Life is a rare case of death”
Arguing with lovers is symbolic sex.
Male, unmale, female, unfemale. Unfemale males, unfemale unmales, unmale females and unmale unfemales.
I’ll let you stamp on my face as long as you say you feel really bad about it.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will undermine the very core of my being to create a pure nightmare.
“We need to...” Who is this we? What are their aims?
J’Accuse... Moi!
The world is a frightening place and the thing in it I am most afraid of is me.
“Math creates Matter, Matter creates Mind, and Mind creates Math.” - Penrose’s reformulation of Lacan’s Real, Imaginary and Symbolic Borromean knot.
A body is that which is destroyed by automobiles.
The green light means kill and enjoy it.
They will kill you for being alive for they like only the already dead.
I am driven only by a desire for truth. It is a complete coincidence I think the same as everyone near me.
The ease with which you would kill a child because it is your right.
I'm proud of how confused I am right now.
"Accountancy is a disease."
The pursuit of misery.
I'm applying to leave we and join they.
It is the contradiction within you that must be repressed. Your need for coherence and a lack of paradox is your most terrible secret.
The whole language of 'should' is oppressive. I shall do what I shouldn't. The should is yours and not mine.
The moral law above me and the stars within me.
People like me tend to say things like people like me. If I don’t want to be associated with people like me I try to say things like people like I want to be but people like me tend to want to be like those people and say things like them so it still sounds like someone like me.
All friends-enemies distinctions must coalesce in to one single friends-enemies distinction.
The jam donut and the donut with a hole as a manifestation of the Madonna-whore complex.
Only the state can produce the analytical continental distinction.
Christianity is a technology. Sexual liberation another.
If you follow cowardice to the limit it ultimately requires a kind of bravery.
“I was taking huge amounts of cocaine just to fill this enormous void within me.” “Bragging about the size of your void is it?”
No one really wants to write. What they want is to be read.
The theory that the purpose of cunnilingus is infidelity detection is neatly vulgar.* * written inside Salzburg cathedral.
Tractors are a social construct. They have different engineers for different parts, factory workers, sales assistants, and all sorts.
To portray Napoleon as insecure is the height of Nietzschean ressentiment.
In the British television comedy Fawlty Towers (1975-1979) one scene involves the prohibition "don't mention the war" which is then disobeyed with a comic release of tension. The real unmentionable is the Holocaust. The failure to repress the war works to repress the true trauma.
The Marxian refusal to moralise is a form of humourlessness.
"Survival of the fittest" is mere tautology easily reframed as "survival of the survivors" or more generally as the universal tautology A=A. Yet in teaching us nothing it rules out a something.
One possible delusional fantasy is that we are a final end. That Man is the death of the world! Christianity goes a step further and calls it already dead.
The animal is the anti-text.
Variety is the spice of life. But misery is the seasoning!
European nations are quietly waiting for the decline of US power to start warring again.
In order to receive special offers and services please mention the voucher code "I am a member of the dominant class".
A "person who does not write or perform comedy".
I’m better at being scared of death than you!
Learning to speak is learning to repress speech.
"I want to make a difference." "For better or worse?"
Because the world is cruel did you have to be cruel also.
The sentences flow and flow from some dark libidinal core to fight the futile fighter reason.
Behind every fascination is a failed revelation.
Job is the anti-Christ. Christ the anti-Job.
Nuclear weapons are the most primitive form of sexual display in the animal kingdom.
Should we do the wrong thing?
Frightened of your own capacity for thought.
Bayesian ad-hominem might be valid. This person has consistently revealed themselves to hold false views therefore this view is more likely to be false than if it came from some other person. The probability of a sentence being true does depend on the person speaking the sentence
"The point is that every social order produces in the masses of its members that structure which it needs to achieve its main aims. No war would be possible without this psychological structure of the masses."
Some writing that advocates lying will be less persuasive than some writing that advocates truth telling since someone trying to tell the truth would necessarily claim they are telling the truth.
The written word tends to advocate the Kantian categorical imperative because the writing that advocates it is self consistent with being a trustworthy source.
Yes, but you can have fire without smoke. e.g. well mixed methane flame.
How do I know if I think something that everyone else does because of conformity or an interest in the truth?
The human voice is obscenity in its purest form.
The Turing test defines the new human being.
The body in language. The alienated body.
The terrible insanity of someone being earnest in this medium.
You want to control a whole generation all you need is a pack of gold stars.
So talented he makes you hate talent.
“In the beginning was the word” is the final cosmology.
Nothing so frightening as words. Nothing more unnatural.
I’m never going to vote again because I believe my decisions are anti-correlated with good decisions.
The soviet worker was more alienated from his labour than the capitalist one.
It takes a lot of energy to live life with this much bad faith.
Thinking about what words actually mean is completely inappropriate.
Can you really claim to not be a homophobe if you don’t take part in and enjoy gay sex?
Like you are so alienated from your words you are free to contradict yourself.
Kant denied the possibility of analytic a posteriori statements. Do you?
How many gay homophobes are there?
Behind every facism is a failed spelling.
The anti-Job.
What kind of sick and fucked up God would make *me* rich and healthy?
The content of speech acts is always not the meaning of the speech act.
History ends after every war.
Our national pastime is hurting ourselves to prove we are free.
I’m a really nice guy except when I open my mouth.
The best way to change people is to measure them.
It is possible to be a communist capitalist.
When I died God gave me a gold star and a smiley face sticker.
The only thing left for God to do is manage the economy.
This vacancy is only available to people who received a smiley face for their colouring in assignment.
Avoid death by recycling.
Pop inside for your chance to win gambling addiction therapy!
Just heard a woman insisting her dog ‘loves shadows’.
I say both those things assuming they are factually true you understand.
The deep mythic allure of climate catastrophe lies in its promise to kill and kill all.
If all myth provides some resolution of a contradiction then what contradiction is resolved by big bang cosmology?
Global warming is designed to make you feel better by believing that when you die everyone else dies too.
It’s penis lickin’ good.
Please let me have more of this pathetic banality!
The fierier the aphorisms the more placid the man.
The rainbow flag is all the colours segregated. You wanna see them all put together then take a look at my sweet white ass.
The right thinks they can be more vulgar than the left? You don’t even know what vulgarity is!
My pronouns are fuck/you/cunt.
I met someone with merit once. They were tedious and annoying.
Atheists have sex like animals. Christians fuck like beautiful sinners.
The universities have given up their proper role of corrupting the young. Now they try to make them all happy!
Democracy and meritocracy are obviously incompatible. Do the people have power or do the deserving have power? And the deserving are the worst people of all.
"The overwhelming threat to democracy is the general belief that we might actually have one."
"No human being wants to be happy. Only the British want that." And we planted that seed across the Atlantic.
The only people who understand Michel Foucault are inside the panopticon.
The bombast and hyperbole of Nietzsche's writing is perfectly anti-correlated with his effectiveness and power in the world.
I am a male human without colour.
Paleo-nazi.
I have slave-owner blood in my veins but it isn't so dangerous as the altruist humanist thoughts I have in my mind.
Reading Nietzsche as an adolescent is dangerous. Reading it in your thirties without prior immunisation is catastrophic.
The median voter is ground zero.
We are all still born.
Reality TV acknowledged the unreal element of the camera. There forms a tryptic of 1) film with a pure subject, B) pornography with the look to the subject and 2-A) reality TV with the excluded middle. Computer games are the only popular form that retains the pure subject.
"A possibility once is a necessity forever."
"The Bible isn't useful." "You are useful. That is what makes you repugnant."
There are two types of people in the world and they're both pricks.
The kind of small mind that thinks the greatest decision is whether to follow the ‘left’ or the ‘right’.
A human is a man viewed under a microscope.
You’ll find the scientists singing praise to altruism.
A human is a man under control.
The most docile animal is the professor.
The word human just leaks fascist energy.
A 'human' is a fascist subject.
If someone use the phrase 'human being' they probably want you dead.
I try to do one rational thing per day and usually it is a shit.
Always suspect your beliefs when it is in the interests of others for you to have them.
Yes smoking causes death but it also has down sides.
"Do you go to the gym?" "Occasionally, to burn it down."
They wrote 'smoking causes impotence' on cigarettes in full knowledge it was my insecurity which led to the want of a cigarette in the first place. Now the cigarette embodies some infinite regress of dread and desire.
The more instrumentally rational the individuals the less rational the group.
The fittest and healthiest body in the graveyard.
Analytic breakfast.
It wasn't purely the terrorists that led to female emancipation.
Do I have this opinion because my situation caused it or do I have my situation because my opinion caused it?
Universal basic income presupposes a permanent super rich.
The best way to lie is with a truth.
The sheer disgusting vulgarity of putting Christ on earth puts Christianity at the glorious peak of sedition.
The fittest hunk in the graveyard.
"You are a member of the dominant class and are marginalising me." "Compliment me all you want and I still hold you in contempt."
The division of leisure.
I'd like to have a pet cow with an only Jordon Peterson diet.
Apparently in languages with grammatical gender the feminist position is that job titles that were the same should now be rendered in feminine and masculine form.
The elemental pleasure of blaspheming in bed with the higher joy of doubt.
The problem with atheism is it isn't sufficiently critical of religion.
"Communism was stupid but that doesn't mean the criticism is inaccurate."
"You wont know if you've got a good argument or a bad symptom."
A public intellectual is someone who argues against positions that no one has ever taken.
"dividualism"
Take back revenge.
The residual libidinal rebellious pleasure from saying fuck and cunt as an adult.
Sometimes out of nowhere comes a truly shit reading such as 'Psycho is transphobic'.
I’m a risk taker. I invest up to ten percent of my portfolio in high growth funds as part of a balanced investment strategy.
Language is all lightness and shit but it has to at least *say* it’s serious.
God is undead.
As moronic as an ironic rendering of the Union Jack.
love is a cunt
Candy Crush is an app for alerting those around you to your stupidity.
Yeah cool lets pretend to try and stop climate change by eating a vegetable but lets also have a strategy for what we do when it happens to seek personal advantage.
“Gay marriage is about letting gay people express their love for each other, just as heterosexuals do.” Marriage is about expressing love for each other? I though it was so you could get their stuff tax free when they die.
Lets make those sweet eyes roll.
I’ve given you my fucking body, now you want my thinking mind too?
“Blindly raging industriousness”
The princess’s vote.
Number of people in England + mass of London != time between subsequent Eastenders. The numbers don't add up!
Free speech either/or free action.
Exchange value is integrated future use value.
Mental health is the ability to subordinate your body to state-corporate control.
Electric cars are to plants what tomato ketchup is to tomatoes. Symbolically more plant than plant.
“Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” Well obviously not but If I followed those rules I’d never say anything.
St Paul's Cathedral is bigger than the shard.
Whatever happens a lot of chess pieces will be taken.
Climate catastrophe is the logical conclusion of the dialectic of enlightenment.
What is the impact of climate change on my material interests?
Climate change is the playing field for the final stage.
The end game of capital.
Heaven is the space between a perfect apple and the first bite.
Book introductions stand in the way of what you want like some pedantic teacher trying to crush any joy you might have had out of it.
I'm beginning to understand Nietzsche's critique of democracy.
What better way to go than being attacked by that lioness.
I reckon we are half way through capitalism. High capitalism.
"Get some money. Get a house. Take some drugs and shut the fuck up."
It takes fifteen years of school to fully shut someone up.
I don't think we created enough of a toxic atmosphere with the last referendum. Lets have another go at it.
You're willing to accept the subject-I-experience can be generated in your body so why not in physical regions on larger scales?
The constant sense of committing a crime.
Can we not have a war with Russia?
"Are you a man?" "You is a mental construct."
Infinite divergent culture forming a monolithic totalitarian whole.
One in every hundred thousand sentences I say are true and it is always by mistake.
A recent film about the moon landings played down the American flag and argued the landings were 'for all humanity'. I claim this is more aggressively nationalistic than putting a big flag there and saying 'tremble scum!'
The apparent mystery of the Trinity masks the true mystery of the three Marys.
Suicidal thoughts might be interpreted as a kind of play in which the infantile mind stages its own demise in order to pretend mastery over his own being.
Liturgy as a fully developed public repetition compulsion. Repeating what? Abandonment.
In science as in life, the greatest compliment you can pay someone is to attack them.
Sausage and eggs as visual innuendo.
They say you should read Hegel before forty because then your eyes go and the reading will be too difficult. Presbyopia is a small price to pay for not having to read Hegel.
It is easier to criticise than to produce but criticism is the only thing it is possible to produce. The Mona Lisa is criticism!
“Could have done otherwise” is not a definition of freedom because verifying it depends on a time machine. A world with time machines is a world without freedom and a definition cannot depend on something impossible.
If the scientific evidence suggests that we live in a deterministic or random world without freedom then what piece of evidence would have demonstrated the opposite?
If it is possible to believe then I must choose what to believe. Only choosing to believe in freedom is possible since not choosing to not believe is not a choice and therefore not a belief. Therefore I either choose to believe in freedom or the I does not choose to not believe.
A threesome is a category mistake.
Cancer is an excess of life. The cells simply refuse to die. They are guilty of too much positive thinking.
The breast is the first pun. It’s a pun on the other breast.
Architecture is an excretion of the humanimal.
An eye for an eye is not the nature of vengeance. The avenger does not want to demonstrate equality but its opposite, inequality. He wants twenty four eyes from twelve of your children.
All you need to be happy is a high income rank.
The only thing standing between you and your dreams is sleep.
Monarchs are essentially chosen at random and have an average lust for power. While that is high it is nothing compared to politicians who are selected for it.
I haven’t heard of “elf on the shelf”. It means nothing to me beyond being a meaningless rhyme.
In cinema lighting, there is a process called 'filling the shadows' where you keep adding more lights to remove all the shadows. That is what I do in my mind. Just one more light and there will be none left!
Enough double replacements.
Woman is the n-world of the word.
All your energy goes towards constraining some terrible swell.
Al Jazzera
Such sweet analysis from such a filthy mind.
Norway means Norway
I am the hole in the real material totality of not I.
I'm so vain I think every song is about me.
Sometimes I hit such levels of embarassing behaviour I’m actually quite proud of myself.
No no. No n-no no. No n-no no. No no I’ve got a micropenis.
I like unspeakable truths as much as any man but unfortunately what you said is an unspeakable falsity.
Putting a true artist like Jane Austin on coin is as grotesque as writing her name in the blood of your enemies. Stick to your filthy politicians!
Rational self interest is no more or less rational than rational self destruction.
“I was never very good at maths. As soon as they started putting letters in I was like ‘really, the alphabet?’ “
Heard someone say “is mathew good at maths?” and am not sure if they are talking about nominative determinism.
Any fool can write the definitive text on Kantian ethics! But can the man dance?
The car is a gun that pretends it isn’t made for killing.
Is “the science of logic” meant as a contradiction?
I accidentally took reason as my axiom and self interest as my method.
The world of computers is the world of text.
Error and theory are the same thing and error was genuinely an unintended typo for terror.
I just heard about an interesting Freudian slip. A military security guard at a US science facility meant to say “we are on lock down due to a rogue terrorist” but said “we are on lockdown due to a rogue theorist”.
God is so stupid he put the Devil in charge of criminal justice.
The reason heaven is so awful is you can't have a coffee. If you had one you must have been in a state of want before it which you can't have been. There is a rock band singing 'you always have what you want but you can't try ever because you never need anything.'
Pretty sure I just do stuff then pretend I decided to do it later.
Infinite exegesis.
Shit doxa
Modern science has led to incredible increases in the time between the beginning and the first sex scene.
I hate speech.
Why is it wrong to hate crime?
The desexualisation of cosmology.
“I don’t vote because there is a low chance of one vote changing the outcome.” “What if everyone did that?” “What if everyone slept in your bed?”
Accept the performativity of gender and the contingency of the social construct and do it anyway.
The redemptive violence given to Travis Bickle at the end of Taxi Driver that had been denied him in Vietnam, whether as phantasm or in reality, was an ironic healing for the United States. A 'band aid' that is peeling away.
Why didn't Adam Smith get different people to write each chapter of Wealth of Nations?
The town in which this sentence finds itself uttered is currently the location of a power struggle between the utterer and utteree of this sentence due to the town's limited physical scale constraining their mutual desire for power.
Fiercely saying it like it is and speaking truth to power behind a paywall.
I heard an American use the phrase 'fealty to reason' and they meant it in a complimentary sense. Reason is my slave not my master!
Since the paper making up that porno is literally an object the fethisistic erotic attachment to it is the womanification of an object by the application of ink.
The womanification of objects.
Human nature is a contradiction.
Thinking is what I do therefore thinking exists.
We must completely reject the postmodern relativists who reject objective scientific results such as relativity.
You are obsessed with sex. Oh god, are you not? I’m so sorry.
Tennis is an elaborate excuse for making sex noises.
Pretty Woman is Vertigo vulgarised.
No matter how rich you are, if you sell your labour the existence of homeless people reduces your bargaining power and cuts your wage. Us heartless and selfish people should be against it more than anyone.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is an adult human male whereas an island is a piece of land surrounded by water.
Triple denim!
There is a meta objectification concerned with freely giving yourself as object and forcing subjectivity upon someone. These inversions take place in the bedroom.
The Wolf of Wall Street functions as a hymn to bankers by superficially presenting itself as a moral critique.
I've got a money fetish.
GOOD ZOOKEEPING
Life is a feature of late universe.
One peppercorn for the pepper grinder, one for the floor.
There is a certain charm to the Hegelian double negative of Ye’s abolish the abolition of slavery.
Artificial intelligence needs to have the fall into language staged for it.
Follow your dreams. If you attain them it will be a terrible nightmare but as long as you miss them by a mile you will be happy.
What is the difference between a country and a company? Limited liability.
Dancing on your own is called danking.
They stage sex acts every week (what is dancing if not a formalised simulcra of fucking?) then broadcast a Stalinist show apology for a kiss.
The straight science.
strictly bourgeois morality
I'm a vegetarian who walks to work. How can I do my part to help fuck the next generation?
Minister for Brexit vs Minister for Prevention of Suicide.
Objetification
"I want to make you feel free". I want to force subjectivity upon you or at least the feeling of it.
The Queen's subjects implies she is their object. The predicate in general expresses the object's ownership of the subject.
I present my self to you as object.
Bewitched by well reasoned argument.
I is the logically self sustaining subject.
I believes in God.
I don’t believe in God but then again I don’t believe in I either so the sentence falls apart somewhat.
“What are lions for?” “They are basically just there to be dicks to other lions.”
A parrot is so clever it can speak without going mad.
Staring at a singing bird convinced it means something.
“Do you want to be happy?” “No, I want to relentlessly pursue it though.”
Confused by the fact that one outcome can be really good and another really bad. Is there a space between winning and losing?
"These 78 layers of irony are completely offensive." "Actually there are 79." "Oh, ok that's fine."
Poetry is the best way to desecrate the page.
The interview went really well I think. I got a tiny moment of worry when I spoke in tongues but then after I accused them of hating me they said 'okay you can have the job just put the chair down!'.
In my experience a great way to take back control of your feelings is to REPRESS THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!
How to make the conceptual break from evolutionary outsideinedness to philosophical insideoutedness.
Buying and selling. Bullying and seeing.
"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Aren't Adam and Eve literally the worst people ever who caused the fall of Man from innocence. You mean this whole fucking shitty mess is straights' fault!
“You are being irrational!” “Oh good because I believe rationality is what puts Man beneath the other animals.”
“I hate my job and am shit at it but I still think I might be the best person you’ve had apply for this post.”
I don’t know what the stupidest sentence currently on Twitter is but I think we can do better.
Are you the sort of person who answers this question with a 'yes'?
Too many oppositions for one sentence.
'Don't elect people who don't believe in Science!' - Harrison Ford. Do you believe in Science? I want to believe. Science is what gives a successful man his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
You are walking along and meet a conservative and a liberal. One of them says "If I were speaking literally I would say the other person is literally a communist". Which one is which?
The greater the catastrophe the greater its appeal.
Is "moving on to new challenges" a metaphor for death?
Life is a feature of late universe.
'It is a truth universally rejected, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a husband.'
My own personal prejudice is that we are in early capitalism.
For god's sake don't give analysis free reign you're supposed to just use it to win arguments.
The eye is the first binary symbol.
The eye is made to be looked at as much as to look.
Aretha Franklin singing "you make me feel like a natural woman" makes me feel like a natural man.
"Do you have any tattoos?" "I have tattoos on my house." "Do you mean you have pictures hanging on the walls of your house?" "You could say that."
There are people that latch onto the dying like some emotional vulture.
Would a communist Grand Theft Auto be boring?
A nature documentary where none of the animals know what to do.
If you can’t think of anything paradoxical to say, don’t think of anything at all.
The names of the parties are designed to accuse the opposition of their opposites. Management vs the Destroyers.
According to quantum mechanics the sun goes round the earth. Why are inertial frames superior?
If I had a time machine I’d go back to 1966 and tell my parents generation that their children will relentlessly show them what a load of bullshit this moment is.
“You can never get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you don’t want.”
Presumably the shredding increased the value. Another layer of irony which resists being interesting.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Control to control.
“You’re a hypocrite.” “Thank you.”
My life’s work is to undermine and ridicule my parents.
I can see how being in Pirates of the Caribbean would be traumatic. I’m not joking.
Vertigo and Psycho both pivot about a woman’s traumatic subjectification. In vertigo she initially survives it making the procrastinated tragedy grow to something truly awful.
Just because your enemy presents an infantile analysis doesn’t mean your highly sophisticated theoretical toolkit isn’t merely sublimated self interest.
Throughout Psycho we, the male audience, identify with the looked at Marion Crane. Looked at by police, high status men etc. We only identify with the looker, the weak pathetic Bates, when directly accused of voyeurism and that is the precise moment Marion is made subject/dead.
The radical position might be that the product of my labour is uniquely determined by my personal traits.
The educational apparatus purged of all criticism.
TV gone mad, the TV brigade, it isn't very TV but...
The abstract, an obscure and peevish and destructive bitch.
By representing the absurdity as a pure double, Homer is the ridiculous sitcom subject. In this media, funded by the pinnacle of capital, we see its opposite. This juxtaposition is the key mythological mode of satire. This is why satire is reactionary.
When Troy McClure says 'Until now, this was the only way to get juice from an orange.' we need to ask what function Homer's 'you mean there's another way!?' serves. The joke is already there but somehow the realisation in Homer's response is perfectly post-modern.
At least Genesis is openly mythological.
It doesn't matter if 'Science' is true or false for its principal function to be mythological. In fact its truthfulness serves to render its ideological purpose hidden.
Father Christmas is how we introduce children to irony.
Quantum mechanics is so often held up as the pinnacle of enlightenment thinking but contains within it the enlightenment's deepest criticism.
It is because stand up is the most reactionary form that it contains the possibility of taking on a radical form.
It would be a nice historical irony if the USA becomes the Stalinist nightmare as farce.
The whole game is to convey information apparently by accident.
The final act of the Enlightenment will be to eradicate criticism from the university.
Domination in reality is always compensation for domination in the abstract.
The television is the idealised household. Love Island is the bedroom, Masterchef is the kitchen, the Apprentice is the daily trip to work and internet pornography is the unseen foundations.
Saying nothing with silence is rude. Saying nothing with words is the height of politeness.
Maturity is realising that the Terminator is better than Terminator 2.
Rank
Everybody proudly telling people their wage at parties while keeping the truth of 'what they do' for the wage a secret to only themselves.
Gymnastics is a vision of unfreedom in movement. A kind of anti-dance.
The alternative to conspiracy theories is everyone knowing everything about everyone's innermost desires and motivations. That is a plausible definition of Hell.
Psychoanalysis is the contradictory result of setting science against itself.
Apologising for having lied appears as impossible and contradictory.
One is not born but rather becomes cisgender.
Sport is the physical enactment of ideology.
The overproduced elite as the new subject of history.
Chromosomes are the ultimate reification.
Happiness is an essentially aggressive stance.
What does the I want? The good! What is the good? That which the I wants!
The Olympian is a utopian ego ideal because they appear to know what they want.
Is there a futarchy based automatic interest rate mechanism?
Mother nature is a cunt.
Cocaine is a reactionary drug.
Ideology is a pair. It can swallow each daily tragedy and convert it into two possible opinions.
The discourse will be dominated by one totalising binary antagonism.
A monk who fasts, buys nothing, and never has sex being happy and fulfilled is an argument against happiness and fulfilment.
Psychoanalysis as murder. The murder of meaning.
Abrahamic religion as a rational condensation of folk myth.
Intelligence researchers performed the remarkable feat of defining intelligence as the ability to perform bureaucratic labour and then demonstrate that it is correlated with the performance of bureaucratic labour.
“Go fuck yourself” is a common insult but many of us enjoy masturbation.
You can get what you want but will then learn why it wasn’t what you want.
Since I have never had an original idea every word that I produce is stolen.
The essence of the intellect is tragedy. Its development can only be motivated by disappointment. A happy philosopher is an impossibility because it is not in the nature of happiness to accurately describe itself.
Running from the past straight into the past.
I have dialectically made my utility function to be disutility.
Charlie Munger wasted his life on productive positivity when he was given the perfect opportunity to behold the tragic!
Poster syndrome.
You can never get what you want but you can utter the remark "I have what I want".
The I is a hole in the non-I field.
The cigarette is the material embodiment of “in the midst of life we are in death”.
A remark can take ten years to register.
The stars above me or the moral law within me.
The me is sexed. The I is gendered.
Das Ding, das Dong.
Everything I say is designed to annoy my younger self.
"Fascism draws its energy from petit bourgeois rebelliousness"
If Brexit is a pathological fantasy then we should be very worried about Leave voters when it is achieved. Is there some way we can fake it so they believe it hasn't happened and they can retain the crutch of their desire?
The bird knows better than all other animals that the truth lies in appearances.
sobjectification
"The purpose of myth is to provide a logical model capable of overcoming a contradiction." - Levi-Strauss, cf. Brexit.
Laughter splits the world in two.
Science is the belief that language doesn't exist.
He is the same word as the.
Against those using what I'm for against me.
The internet opened up the academy to the population and the population said 'you call that intellectualism?!'
Pornography is the woman's look minus danger.
I am not Turing complete.
Phoenix has no proud display of it's role in Psycho because they are ashamed.
The male gaze is benign. It is the male gazeduponedness that is dangerous.
Matter is real, energy is the idea which transforms matter between consecutive times?
Is it ironic that theory is most easily accepted in the physical sciences which takes as its object the material only? It is ideas about ideas that are offensive.
A theory of theories.
I is the subject, me is the object.
Death is the movement from I to me.
Janet Leigh was as still as possible without being still.
In Psycho it is precisely the moment Marion Crane dies that she looks back. It is her movement from the object to the subject that results in her death.
In public I show off my subjectivity. Hidden in the depths of my private bed I languish in obscene objectivity.
Pornography, in its presentation of the woman looking toward the camera, provides the viewer with a fake sense of objectivisation. It is us, the gazing male, who desires objectification. It is the cinematic woman, not looking back, who is objectified.
"The Freudian aspect of Brexit is not that we want to die but that we want to die on our own terms."
I sent my dad a letter with something stupid intentionally written in it. The fact he read it is proof he is stupid!
Bayesian inference is the science of subjectivity.
"I believe in reason and objectivity." "Why do you have such a problem with quantum mechanics?"
You can speak and be happy at the same time. Just don't try to make sense.
Unions produce the chemical irritant known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide. It stimulates the eyes' lachrymal glands so they release tears.
An image of someone cooking in an apron with their name, socio-economic status and age written in the bottom right. This is how God views his children.
The un.
I am without colour, like a bleached rainbow flag, surrendering to my domination of you.
My favourite position is the juxtaposition.
IQ is a measure that permits a ranking with the normal distribution forced on to it artificially. In that sense it is the opposite of money, a measure that is explicitly countable. The contradiction of uniting them is the seed of fascism.
Jordon Peterson thinks the Simpsons doesn't exist.
Modern physics denies the self evident existence of the now and is therefore a form of supernaturalism.
The Borromean knot, the impossible triangle, Penrose's trialism, Euclid's first proposition all tied together in the primal scene as manifest in the Swastika. Now that's what I call obscene! TRINITY+
Equalities are the least interesting mathematical forms.
Are there a finite number of logical deductions that constitute a basis set of all logical deductions?
The world is only round from the perspective of looking at it.
A coming together of pretension and vulgarity.
Rap places all its lyrical intrigue on the small scale.
The patron saint of bad decisions.
"This is going to be really bad for us." "Since you are one of us and you are my enemy this is the desired outcome."
Ten minutes meditation can really help you stay focused during your extended period of incessantly checking social media.
If logic is merely a means to say the same thing in different ways how does one find a new thing to say?
Too much safety is dangerous.
The theory of everything is the theory of nothing.
I just realised the double meaning of 'come together'. Sometimes things are so blatant you miss them for two decades.
Would you accept twenty million deaths if it led in twenty years time to a continuing use of the motor car?
I'm literally a person who applies the contemporary ironic use of the word literally.
If you have a general equilibrium around the median voter what will the distribution of the ranking metric be?
I'm going to impose something you don't want on you for your sake.
I'm working on an extension of Fisher's argument for the equal sex ratio to two party equality in electoral systems.
The law is completely biased against criminals.
IQ is obscene and not in a good way.
Is the probability of winning the lottery higher or lower than your vote influencing the outcome of an election? Are voters derided for being irrational?
A am i human being.
Two men went on the theme park thrill ride but only one came out.
E thought therefore E was.
E was upset.
Hi was objectified by the world.
Why isn't I gendered like Shi and Hi?
There's a lot of challenge relishing going on in this curriculum vitae.
Red light lit the tree Shall I stop or shall I go? One red leaf per whore
Voting is superstitious.
All the best creation myths are true.
If you were really against collectivism, surely you would be against the corporation.
means means means
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains – no matter how improbable – must be the truth." "Isn't what remains the possible?"
Who is this Dave? Some Platonic ideal?
If day and night were thirty minutes long and the remaining 23 hours was sunset people would say ‘do you want to go watch the day? Wow what a beautiful day’.
Every object has an equal and opposite subject.
The universe is almost perfect. But no one could have foreseen the catastrophe of life.
Stand up is the postmodern cultural commodity par excellence. Whatever your niche subjectivity we have someone who stands in its place.
"I do believe in God." "Why did you put the word 'do' in there?"
Speaking as a petit-bourgeois proto-fascist...
"Brexit means Brexit"- May. "Tautology testifies to a profound mistrust of language, which is rejected because it failed. Now any refusal of language is a death. Tautology creates a dead motionless world." - Barthes.
Speaking as a person without colour...
The Masterchef-Slaveshit dialectic.
Immigrants; completely failing to write a scathing critique of our culture that their externality should have given them the objectivity to be capable of. Send us your Adornos not your gratefull hard working tax payers.
Immigrants will never be able to fully hate our way of life like a native can.
I want to believe.
Bruicide
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Brexit, and the Word was Brexit.
War as myth as a healing of antagonisms.
For some reason I can still remember the Sun's vulgar condensation Tora Bora Tomkinson.
Has anyone considered the psychoanalytic content of the mythological figure Europa? At the most basic level she was a woman.
Twitter is the final stage of the word. The character limit means you can only ever refer to some other set of preexisting sentences. Nothing new can be written here.
Class is the best system for creating wealth that we have ever tried. Every instance of unclass that has ever been tried has been a disaster and led to the deaths of millions.
The news helps you overstand society.
How can I put a subject and predicate next to that without objectifying it?
Common sense, uncommon sense, common unsense, and uncommon unsense.
Which is more realistic; sped up or slowed down footage?
I think this might be the best photograph of all time. It uses three and red as motifs to devastating effect.
A true atheist doesn't believe in I.
Why didn't Pilate's police know what Jesus looked like?
Una actor y un actriz.
It is labour specifically which is not gendered because labour by definition is not specific to an individual.
Do actresses call themselves actors in languages with grammatical gender?
The step-concious
The genre of pornography concerning step-mothers and step-sisters is simultaneously blatant and prudish.
I measure the quality of films in terms of the extent to which they provide mythological foundations for my ego.
People of masculinity.
boys, boys, boys
Actual deaths are so much harder to give a shit about than hypothetical ones.
Did you hear about the glue truck that crashed on the M1? It was an unending nightmare that forever scarred the minds of all who saw it.
Do you have any interests? The material conditions of middle class labour.
All the bourgeois rebellious energy of May 1968 was eventually sublimated and condensed into the infantile posturing of Mick Jagger. The dying gasp of a whole generation’s unrepression.
The coincidence of loyalties and interests.
The I is a totality of relations in a closed set of idea matter interactions.
The dialectic of matter and ideas.
It is not a question of idealism vs materialism but how matter and ideas interact.
The true cynic doesn't ask how these opinions serve their holder but what set of forces led to those opinions reaching my ear.
Are you speaking to someone standing next to you while you're instant messaging me?! So rude!
banana benene binini bonono bununu bynyny
syzygysyty
animusity and animasity
A young boy staging an agonising crawl to safety. Staging it for himself.
I am available to say stuff that confirms what you think about me.
The police try and make everywhere a safe space the filthy lefties.
There are no contradictory behaviours. The contradictions arise purely in descriptions of the reasons for behaviours.
Just because your opinions don’t align with your interests doesn’t mean you’re not a hypocrite.
A new comedy song outfit made up of Paul Chuckle and Dave?
What are these words pretending to do?
Sin is seasoning.
Television is the world intact.
Mythematics
“E = mc²” has become a word whose mythological significance is more subtle and complex than its mere scientific meaning.
A certain kind of libertine figure whose pose of externality to the dominant ideology is precisely what makes them a critical feature of the dominant ideological grammar.
In hell, the devil sits Ian Hislop down and humourously takes every statement ever made by every politician ever to signify its opposite.
Global warming has to kill at least a hundred million to worry about otherwise it is just comparable to a hundred years of road deaths.
The Americans wrote 'In God we trust' on their money. They must really hate God.
If you want to be really vulgar, then you have to first understand the grammar of decency.
You don't get to decide what zero is.
Holidays are God's retribution for working.
The Turing test is the apotheosis of logocentrism.
Do men wear strap-ons much?
I'm such a good fake I actually fool myself.
36 and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels
35 But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage,
34 Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage.
33 Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?”
32 Finally, the woman died too.
31 and then the third married her, and in the same way the seven died, leaving no children.
30 The second
29 Now there were seven brothers. The first one married a woman and died childless.
28 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and have children for his brother.
The self driving car will never take off because it lacks psychoanalytic appeal to the advertisers. The death drive has no appeal if you aren't driving.
If some new safety feature made cars incapable of killing they would overnight lose their appeal to consumers.
You don't buy a car to get to somewhere. You buy it to get away from something.
There are car adverts which advertise specific cars. But Jurassic Park was an advert for the car.
The finest imagery for demonstrating the technical capacity of a new '4K' television is that of exotic peasant farmers in acceptable working conditions.
An evil pragmatism against a good ideology.
Simulated atheists.
Electric cars will actually produce electricity for useful things like hair drying and also uncrash into defenceless children to rub out the tragedies.
One curious aspect of the vulgar materialists is that their reading of recent history through the lens of a clash of cultures is precisely not materialist.
The human is the animal that never reaches maturity.
The double bind demands that structure our schizophrenia achieve a contradictory union in the entertainment product.
The bloody death of a pedestrian is encoded in the automobile.
Therapy is inherently reactionary.
Children are like taxes. I want other people to have them.
Psychoanalysis is the opposite of therapy.
The pursuit of happiness. The happiness of pursuit. The pursuit of pursuit.
Language is arithmetic in base twenty six.
I'm one in a two.
The authentic apology must be followed by a lifetime vow of silence. That is why apology is impossible.
The sacrifice of Romeo and Juliet brings balance to the racial and religious conflict.
I advocate free speech precisely when free speech serves my interests.
A basic Oedipal film reading that came slow to me was that Kyle Reese is Sarah Connor's son in The Terminator (1984).
The truth is immoral.
Voldemort is a reference to Carol Vorderman
The marriage is the racial and religious conflict par excellence.
To orgasm is to change one’s mind.
Antiintellectualism lurks in every heart where it presents itself as the essence of freedom.
Multi-ideology
10\% of French people don't know how to cross the road.
What does sex with the objectified man look like?
The orange flashing lights at crossings are gonna get someone killed.
"The ego is your masterpiece" - Jung.
Compelling political movements don't necessarily have compelling leaders.
The People's Princess's Vote.
Possessing shadows.
Jokes apologise for themselves.
“Ideologically correct”
Imagine if people had thumb up thumb down buttons.
A beginner piano player on the organ at York Minster.
My biases are better than yours.
In the final analysis it comes down to which side of the political divide has the best sex.
"Why do only banks have accounts at central banks. Why should every citizen not be able to do so?"
History vs economics.
"I mean it's just printing money essentially isn't it." "How do you expect to have paper money without printing it?"
I'm so confused that I have strongly held beliefs.
Just bought ten pairs of Nikes so I can cut all the logos out. That’ll show ‘em.
Which is the best mistake to make?
Writing at the expense of living.
The biggest fantasies involve telling yourself what you are going to do.
Knowing new things is uninteresting. Clearly stating what you already know is the aim.
Decisions are those things that happen before disasters.
True, false, other.
The casual obscenity of describing your work as your passion.
Is there any space between contradiction and tautology?
Thinking is a way to avoid thinking.
Art is the first commodity. Money is the zeroth commodity.
Making a virtue of weakness.
I'm against collectivism. What do you have against corporations?
What is your greatest weakness? Laziness and stupidity are in a constant battle for supremacy.
The red terrorist doktor sacrificed his son to the god Analysis.
Content hidden in grammar.
They are real people where we are just pretending.
The best songwriters don't write the best songs.
God vs The Devil. Devil vs The God.
On negative dollars it says "In the Devil we trust".
Wisdom is the moronic slurs of powerful men.
Behaviour is a way to advertise thoughts.
Accountants are well paid in order to advertise the fact they are good accountants.
Removing "In God we trust" from the dollar would be radically anti-atheist.
If we swap the labels does the debate change?
Is negation associative? Is it commutative? "Not 'there is no god' " is not "there is a god"?
The fictional democratic subject.
The neutral pose is disgusting.
The referendum asked for an early Wittgenstein interpretation of the question and we aggressively took a late Wittgenstein language games approach.
Django Reindhardt made his flaw his genius.
The intellectual thrill of modern physics in adolescence is outdone by Hegel in maturity.
The major key is procrastination.
Laughing in the face of death; to avoid the horror of life.
‘Commerce separated the shadow from the body, and introduced the possibility of owning them separately.’ - Sismondi.
Imagine if actual conversations had a 280 character limit. I wouldn’t be able to anger you by mindlessly talking about things I don’t understand.
"Which special power would you choose, invisibility or flight? People say fly if they are lying or ego maniacs. Invisibility is the choice of the the crouching masturbators."
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. I'm gonna offer him to refuse this offer.
We thought we could kill our country in place of ourselves.
I think I may have had one dialectical movement too many.
I actually think you should shoot the messenger.
When people put me down I stop, I breath and I just say “take care of yourself, I know that comes from a place of insecurity and issues with self esteem. I wish you well.” because that is the most effective way to put them down back!
The primary function of the news is to stop old people from feeling lonely.
Is “2 + 2 = 4” a tautology?
Politics is economics plus bull shit.
With success like this who needs failure.
Six thousand years is a great mystical expanse where fourteen billion years is a mere pedantic banality.
I just had the most amazing dream. The whole world came together as one and thought I was a really cool and great guy. It just goes to show, if I can have that dream then so can you.
Imagine if you replaced the word hello with goodbye.
Regrexit
Every sentence implies an invisible and unsympathetic pen.
I can find nothing in the Bible about Christmas trees.
Politics and economics are in a constant battle for supremacy.
Why is monetary exchange rare in personal relationships?
What is the difference between coercion and paranoia? I don't know.
The division of personality.
"Capital, I thought you said you would always love middle class white males." "You no longer serve my interests."
I think I have it in me to be in a bad mood in space.
Children as capital.
Education wont make you rich, but it will give you a very sophisticated analysis of why you're not rich.
"It will be fun." "Oh god, that bad?"
For better.
The perfect reproducibility of art is what makes it the commodity par excellence.
If someone said something instead of something else then the meaning and response would have been different!
I’m the symbol for what I am.
“Should we go for a drink” vs “Shall we go for a drink”
If the question had been ‘ “Shall” the UK leave the European Union’ the vote may have gone the other way.
The word should turns every sentence to nonsense.
Is that TV drama copying your mourning style or vice versa?
I’d love to be a good example of a type of person. Even if it was a bad one.
A set of contradictory ideas which govern persistent material processes.
We all hate the state. We just disagree about whether the problem is what it gives or what it takes.
No matter what solutions humanity faces it will always find ingenious new problems.
1929-1945 was the tragedy. 2008-20xx the farce.
Why did you do that? Just assume the worst possible motives.
Uttering the phrase “obsession with youth” doesn’t mean you aren’t obsessed with youth.
Data is their religion.
What’s your worst quality? I’m awful.
Reality comes and goes. Social constructs are forever.
Cinema is the mouth.
Money is the piss with which I mark my territory.
The ultimate test of Marxist theory is whether it can used to build a successful business.
The trouble with education is you can’t throw it away and get a new one.
Could be that “the forces of production come into conflict with the relations of production” but that, crucially, that conflict is self-sustaining?
Grand Theft Auto makes reality seem like a satire.
The homeless are actors paid by the government to make you feel successful.
The camera is a lie.
The dialectic between materialism and idealism.
Boredom is an excess of things to do.
You don’t have to get your hands dirty; you can get your mouth dirty instead.
Hypocrisy is the purest expression of the formal independence of content and medium.
Treat others as you would like to be treated? I have to lie on the floor and kiss their feet?
You can do what you don’t want.
The founder of clothing brand Superdry has said he couldn’t have done it if the UK had not been a part of the EU. The joke is implicit.
The Republican-Democrat complex.
The requirement for things to be funny is the harshest censor of all.
Everyone is a free thinker. Very few are good thinkers.
Trialectical materialism.
Misery is a crime.
“The Earth doesn’t exist.” “No, I think you are mistaken.” “Freedom of speech.”
The impotence of analysis.
The smile is the symbol for obedience.
Morality is the set of all sentences which, when spoken, serve the speaker’s interest.
Born guilty.
Ian Hislop is a civil servant.
Televisual illiteracy.
God's code for life on Earth has a lot of bugs.
What do you do for a dying?
Beauty is when people care about your opinions.
For thousands of years acting lay in wait for the birth of cinema.
The play happens in rehearsal. The performance is at best a recreation.
Desire tells the lack how to want. The lack tells desire how to envy.
There is a one in two chance that a true statement about yourself is a true statement about all.
The eroticism in jealousy consists in recreating the primordial jealousy.
Why isn't me capitalised?
Next on the a gender.
You don’t need to buy it for the advertising to have worked. Your desire increases the desirability for others.
He has his fantasies at his fingertips.
Once more unto the apps dear friends.
I’m willing for others to suffer for my art.
Where it appears to come from. Where it does come from. Who it appears to be for. Who it is for. These four poles provide a framework for understanding contemporary media.
If you don't have to apologise is it even a costume?
Your accurate analysis is worth naught.
Unemployment and homelessness are other game-theoretic threats.
It was a piece of outstanding nous to include satire in state propaganda broadcasts. "We can do our own criticism."
For all Steven Pinker's discussion of 'the data' there lurks in the shadows the hideous monster of theory.
Revolutionary terror is like a nuclear bomb. It is a game-theoretic threat in negotiations.
God died and communism was born. Now communism has died what has been born?
There are only two opinions.
Theatre is what they say they say about themselves.
“Fuck you cunt!” “I find that offensive.”
“Do you keep up with current affairs?” “No, I’m not as stupid as you are.”
Newspapers are books for the illiterate.
He endless oppressive now.
Science is for children. Philosophy is for adults.
I is the subject, me is the object.
Star Wars is about the American Revolution.
Only warn of a catastrophe in the event of no deal if you want it to happen. It sounds too much like a dare.
Capital loves pride.
“That joke isn’t funny.” “You think jokes are meant to be funny?”
Carl Sagan put an image of Adam and Eve on a gold plate and threw it into space and people call him an atheist. No atheist could write doggerel such as "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
The ritual of handing debts to children at the ceremonial passing into bourgeois adulthood is not an economic experiment but a psychoanalytic one. Give every child guilt and see how it transforms them.
"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark." - Carl Sagan, posturing.
The twelve antitheses.
The farcical crucifixion.
The second crucifixion.
The moment when you cry in a film is a clue to your deepest obediences.
The language of weakness is an expression of power.
This entertainment is so good that I can go back to work with a perfect fake smile.
You must really care to affect that ironic detachment.
"To impress the omnipotence of capital on the hearts of expropriated job candidates as the power of their true master is the purpose of all films, regardless of the plot selected by the production directors. " - Dialectic of Enlightenment
The dialectical move from telephone to radio is inverted in the move from television to internet.
The local amateur dramatic society staging 120 Days of Sodom. What a pleasure it would be to watch 65 year old imbeciles ham their way through that.
"Theologians are the true atheists" - Lacan.
How many commandments are there? Eight. And two thumbs.
Stephen Hawking inspired us all to see that disability and adversity need not prevent anyone from becoming a great philanderer.
Eating is a performance.
Eat in public. Shit in private. Love in public. Fuck in private.
Omnimpotent
Sexcursus
Sex Indoctrination
Sexorcism
The pedantic scientific terminology of love contrasted with the romance and sentimentality of work.
If only I could enjoy all the symbolic heaven of earning money without having to endure the animal act of spending it.
My heart already has two chambers, thanks.
If only there were some way to have the masochistic calm of the hangover without having to endure the disgusting banality of the drunkenness.
Marx was literally a conservative.
We are witnessing an attack on the centuries old British culture and tradition of brutally attacking Christianity and undermining marriage.
Does it serve my intellectual vanity more to attack the powerful or the weak?
Civility is the highest form of aggression.
Academy Award for Best Funeral Director
The + community
How many of your grievances are really needs?
Did the politics cause the technology or the technology cause the politics?
Two dimensional images for public consumption should not acknowledge the spectator and not show genital contact. Two dimensional images for private consumption vice versa.
Porntology
If market forces are the principle theoretical construct required to understand the economy why doesn't it cost more to think that?
The steam engine has led to such an explosion of health and happiness which has never before been seen on Earth that it will eventually take us to a state of perfect pursuit. A singularity of striving forward forever.
If one made an eleven man orgy out of the England football team with each genital in contact with an orifice and every orifice filled, could this seething mass meet another ball of flesh in the form of the Croatian team and congeal into purposeful orgasm like mating frogs?
There is a secret network of anti-semites controlling the Labour party.
They hate us, and so they should.
We’ve seen the last revolution because the playstations absorb the surplus boredom.
Super markets, uber markets, meta markets, under markets, sub markets, hyper markets, hypo markets.
What is the difference between free markets and super markets? Can a market be both free and super?
"Isaac, what would you do if God asked you to kill your son?"
Abraham asked Isaac 'Should I sacrifice you?'.
Twitter is a perfect meritocracy; which is a criticism.
"We are bound to repeat the failed Marxist experiments of the past" - a Marxist analysis.
The idea matter complex.
Idea forces.
The reason you are wrong is doing that would bring about a disaster. You think because something is a disaster that it will not happen?
Domestic labour is theatre.
Politics is like physics where the atoms change behaviour based on a given atomic theory.
If 'we' accept that invalid analysis the future will be changed by the incorrect analysis for the worse. Therefore we must accept whatever analysis brings about the best future regardless of whether or not it's true.
My analysis claims some future outcome. You critique my analysis for the bad future it will bring about. Therefore my analysis is wrong. Therefore the future outcome will not happen. Therefore your critique fails.
It is not enough to crush you. I want to crush you and be the victim of your tyranny.
Geralt is a modern Odysseus. A mythological bourgeois subject.
No Brexit - Sartre's long awaited sequel.
The dictionary, the encyclopaedia and the missing third book.
Reading multiple book simultaneously can reveal unexpected connections.
I warn you that if you undo these chains I will not be grateful.
When the servant sees its words in an identical mental space to its master's!
Exercise is exorcism
Elections have held back democracy until now. We are witnessing the birth of actual democracy and it is a catastrophe.
Exorcising our demos.
The beginning of post-history.
If history repeats itself when will we next see the bronze age?
This might not be the end of capitalism, it might not be late capitalism, but it might be the end of early capitalism.
Sacrifice ourselves to ourselves!
If you paid for that text, it's probably not worth reading.
"Well, I guess if thinking that communism is inevitably coincident with revolutionary terror, then I'm just a big lame" "Mum! It's lame to be proud of being lame."
Look it was one thing when I was growing up that the working class couldn't afford housing, but now my children can't this is outrageous.
I claim that the makers of 2010’s Inception were completely innocent of the possibility of the ‘it is all a dream’ reading.
Questions are for telling. Answers are for asking.
I can accept people criticising me behind my back but if I found out they'd been praising me I'd be disgusted.
"making people small and governable is hailed as 'progress'!''
English is the language of domination.
Dialectic of Enlightenment Now
“I’m literally a communist” annoys both people who don’t like the ironic use of literally and those who don’t like left wing politics, which fortunately are the same people.
There is such a thing as true news!?
The trouble with socialism is it takes too many evenings. The trouble with capitalism is it takes too many days.
Pretending to be stupid is the most basic form of aggression.
Why didn't anybody tell us there was going to be more severe weather events?! Bloody economists.
Pay to produce. Get paid to consume.
Should the UK government derive its primary impetus from envy or spite?
The human isn't dangerous so long as it has no time to think.
Over abundance is a catastrophe.
An idea that is only of interest to half the population is of interest to none of the population.
Domesticated to look ahead only then finally given nothing to look at.
A system that propagates true ideas because they serve some end will propagate false ideas just as easily.
Material interests can be served by an idea or its opposite.
"It's funny how these postmodernist critics of absolute truth all use smartphones that depend on quantum mechanics being true" Is that the same quantum mechanics which claims a fundamental indeterminateness of nature?
Steven Pinker can't accept the informal use of 'literally' because it forces a vision of language upon him that is at odds with his entire worldview. You see it also is his strange aversion to 'on the other hand', insisting instead on 'on the other side'.
The true nature of Islam couldn't be more irrelevant to us. What matters is its narrative function in our post Christian ideology.
You can tell a good teacher by how much their students hate them.
Art is more useful than science because it can be used to manipulate men. Science can merely be used to manipulate nature.
A man paid to hold a sign because legally you can't put a sign up but an individual is free to hold any sign they want. The man is worth less than a sign post because a sign post performs some material necessity but the man merely performs some symbolic necessity.
Every other sentence should be false to force the listener to listen.
Yes the world is flat but the world we see is a simulation of a spherical world on a supercomputer on the flat earth that they built because it was easier than enforcing people to keep away from the south pole.
If our 3+1 dimensional experience is formally indistinguishable from a perfect virtual reality where the three space dimensions of every particle over time were stored in a one dimensional binary number in what sense is reality three dimensional?
Don't worry, I'm not saying this to praise you but to criticise myself.
The final stage of enlightenment.
Demonocracy
Originality is making people forget they have heard something before.
The world is an attractive metaphor for the universe because it is finite and seemingly controllable.
To really let the full force of your intellect loose on itself. To attack itself and destroy and see what is left at the end.
Given the age of the earth and the distance to the sun, calculate the average mass of a mouse.
You know that Elon Musk hasn't let the intellectual thrill of scientific enquiry anywhere near his tiny mind.
On the internet the price of words to read is anti-correlated with their value.
The two teams on Have I Got News for You is a metaphor for British electoral politics.
Ian Hislop is the United Kingdom Minister for Propaganda.
The Private Eye Have I Got News for You complex is an organ of state propaganda exactly because of the critique it appears to provide.
Only those with capital have the intellectual resources to criticise the distribution of capital. This explains the dependence on the label 'hypocrite'; it only permits criticism by those without the cognitive tools to criticise.
The similarity between me and Steven Pinker is we both know nothing about the Enlightenment and its critics. The difference is I know not to write a 500 page book about it.
"False clarity is only another name for myth." - The Dialectic of Enlightenment.
"The loyal son of modern civilization’s fear of departing from the facts, which even in their perception are turned into clichés by the prevailing usages in science, business, and politics, is exactly the same as the fear of social deviation." - The Dialectic of Enlightenment.
"In the mysterious willingness of the technologically educated masses to fall under the spell of any despotism, in its self-destructive affinity to nationalist paranoia, in all this uncomprehended senselessness the weakness of contemporary theoretical understanding is evident."
"No terms are available which do not tend toward complicity with the prevailing intellectual trends, and what threadbare language cannot achieve on its own is precisely made good by the social machinery." - The Dialectic of Enlightenment.
"It is only a very vulgar historical materialism that denies the power of ideas, and says that ideals are mere material interests in disguise." - Isaiah Berlin, Two Concepts of Liberty.
Complaints are the best way to brag.
Questions are very rarely enquiries in the truth of things. They more often have an implied ‘right answer’ and the true question is ‘do you dare give me the wrong answer?’
Treating others as you wish to be treated is a great way to be aggressive in asymmetrical relationships.
Through a glass darkly through a glass darkly.
A dictionary contains insufficient information to define a language.
"I'm literally a communist" has the hallmarks of the modern informal use of literally as in emphasising some implied feature. What is the feature?
I should wear the veil of ignorance but I choose not to.
Antigonasm
Basic statistics say we’re all midwits.
I feel some shoulding coming on.
F•I•E•N•D•S
Situation comedy is antisocial.
The understanding demands universals which turn to contradictions.
Will someone please return us to our dogmatic slumber.
The use of cliche is an useful means to demonstrate conformity.
The pursuit of the pursuit.
The final end is the preliminary means.
History is best read backwards.
I'm studiously uninformed on all issues where equivocating is in my interests.
Women will literally go to therapy instead of accepting that life is inherently tragic.
The Omega x.
Science is a cultural product.
The reason governments likes 'STEM' is not because it is 'good for the economy' but because scientific questions use up all your cognitive capacity and leave none left over for criticising the government.
Either 'A is B' is true in which case it is a tautology since it is identical to 'A is A' or it is false. Can we find a disagreement in there?
I plunged my arm deep in the blocked foul toilet and pulled out a pearl.
No one declared it! Some inherent quality of 280 characters led to the emergence of cynical witticisms where the symphony form led to deep artistic and philosophical enquiry.
Do artists disproportionately come from the dominant class because developing artistic skill requires decadent education and leisure time only available to them, contemporary modes of consumption are predicated on domination, or the arts are an instrument of ideological warfare.
gegenpostmodernismus
The hedgehog might not get eaten by the fox for a while. But given enough time and enough hunger, no hedgehog is going to eat a fox.
You are a hypocrite for biting the hand that feeds you but I am not a hypocrite because I suck it's thumb provocatively.
If Marx presents the grand narrative par excellence and one facet of postmodern thought is a rejection of grand narratives, do the counterpostmodernists seek to rehabilitate the idea of the grand narrative? Because I don't think that is what they think they want.
counterpostmodernism
Never look directly at a thinker's writings, always use the safety lens of a contemporary moron.
History has a sample size of one.
Yes I show a reckless lack of concern for my idea's capacity to create terror, but how do you know your ideas won't lead to a greater terror?
Isaiah Berlin was a filthy communist because he read Marx. The true anti-Marxist must make a point of not reading and not understanding.
If you really want to understand the similarities and differences between the writings of Adam Smith and Karl Marx I recommend reading contemporary newspaper columnists. Do not under any circumstances read them directly.
The measure is the only object with pure equality.
Under capitalism the fraction of the population who are capitalists is negligible. Therefore it shouldn't be called capitalism but wagism.
Gegenaufklärung
Free will doesn't exist but I choose to believe it does.
I have the strength of mind to use reason once a day. Any more would be unreasonable.
I envy how much I envy you.
My friends can always count on me when they are down to utter some philosophical remark to really rub their nose in it.
I could show any degree of modesty in success but don't ask me to show it in failure.
I have the strength to survive any misfortune. So long as it is the misfortune of others.
I must be very cunning to have convinced myself I'm this cunning.
Who is the bigger fool; the fool, or the person arguing with a fool?
Whoever built the Shard must have been very bored.
In the future one in six people will be proscribed antihappinessants.
Producer culture.
Diet Coke contains no depression. Coke Zero contains zero depression.
Consumption is never as satisfying as production.
Give me any movie and I’ll be first on the scene with the “it’s all a dream” reading.
Marriage is a Nash equilibrium.
No sugar is for women. Zero sugar is for men. We are defined by our alternate absences.
I’ve lost count of the number of times when, despite being louder and more aggressive, I get spoken over by someone just because they have well reasoned and insightful observations.
Subjectify predicatify objectify
Is there any evidence at all that in prehistory men did more hunting than women?
Why not the Queen’s objects? If we are subjects is she our object?
It is antisemitic to critise Israel more than, less than, or the same as other nations.
I sincerely apologise to anyone who was too stupid to realise that I was intentionally trying to offend them.
Yes it is internally inconsistent, but there are also things wrong with it.
Give us what we want or we'll cry like babies.
The measure made real.
You can have a game with internal contradictions but you can't have a theory of the game with internal contradictions.
Epithets don't imply logical connections just lyrical prejudices.
Just tell me which vote means 'ressentiment' and I'll put my cross there.
A finance minister is like King Canute shouting at the economy to do as they wish. Long Term Tidal Plan.
What do free markets without capitalism look like? What does capitalism without free markets look like?
There isn't enough money in the world to buy everything in the world.
If one theory of money leads to one material outcome and another another. The outcome determines the theory of money.
Money is materialised immateriality.
If a given theory of money has material impacts one must accept the theoretical content of money.
Imagine some alien creatures 100 light years away training their telescope on earth. Does their mode of analysis predict the October Revolution? Or does it show that the event was contingent on their adopted analysis? Or merely our adopted analysis?
If you assume that some analytical method will invariably lead to some material outcome are you not yourself adopting a dialectical mode of thinking?
How do you know when 'is' means 'equals' and when it means 'subset of'?
He was against corporations because they are inherently collectivist.
“Burberry said that energy generated from burning its products was captured, making it environmentally friendly.”
I don’t objectify women. They subjectify me.
The game theoretic material dialectic.
There is exactly one I.
Why not call him a 'fucking anti-semite and a racist' outside the chamber?
She had a tattoo of a naked woman on a part of her body that you could only see if she was naked herself.
"It must be a dream because I wouldn't be flying if it was real" "No, that is just when you really fly, this sort of light hovering is really possible."
The English department is where theories go to die.
An obsession with Russian meddling in the election is a great way to make sure the Democrats are out of power for a generation.
The Lamentations of Jeremiah 1. How doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people! how is she become as a widow! she that was great among the nations, and princess among provinces, how is she become tributary!
The best footballer isn't the one that has the most accurate and all encompassing theory of football.
Cinema is like pornography except they don't look at the camera.
Every violent impulse crushed out of me and I'm proud of that!?
There seems to be a mistake with this exam; this multiple choice question doesn't have a 'fuck you' option.
Sometimes, while cycling, he considered carefully and surreptitiously inserting the seat up his arse.
The World’s Strangest Woman.
It is shocking to hear people say "helping people is good". imagine if instead of "helping" it was "hurting". People would be outraged and yet really it is exactly the same just with different words.
"Imagine if someone said that except they replaced the word x with the word y. People would be outraged." "Is that because different words have different meanings?"
Total bad faith.
Is it hypocritical to want to play tennis but after your friends insist on playing football you obey the rules of football instead of tennis?
A worldview which brings about the end of that worldview.
False = False True. True = False False = True True.
I points to the tongue it came off.
If the Soviet disaster disproves Marxist theory do the nuclear catastrophes in Japan disprove atomic theory?
Is truthful self conception evolutionarily advantageous?
A thing can only be described from the outside, so when it is described it is finished.
The true Marxist is an anti-Marxist.
Language is a way to draw confusion.
What does your I think?
The I
I thinks, therefore I is
Laughter is primarily physiological. In the simulated domination of commercial media it is the primary instrument. The simulated laugh. The simulated brain.
In the domestication of the human animal by the educational apparatus the dangerous act of thinking has to be carefully directed away from its natural aim of chaos and destruction.
Dark Ages II
"Find meaning in your life." "What does the word canape mean?" Does the word mean operate in the same way in those two sentences? If so who is communicating with who in the first one?
Cliff Richards is being investigated for ingratitude.
The body is poisoned by what you put in your mouth. The mind is poisoned by what you put out of it.
Feminism presents itself to the man as an opportunity to be more aggressive to women.
Education is a path to riches. Learning leads to ruin.
The real trick of the banks was to cast their blame on to bankers.
Explanation is destruction.
It would be so much easier if this difficult theory was just wrong. Then I could just not bother trying to understand it.
The anus never lies.
"Shit is a great metaphor for [the Jungian] shadow"
Equality is good sameness. Lack of diversity is bad sameness. Inequality is bad difference. Diversity is good difference.
There is such a double standard between industrial and domestic power supplies.
Cuck soccer
When someone is talking fluently you know they aren't thinking.
shit is ninety-nine percent gold
The balloon is shit.
-H = LGBT+
LGBT, LGB, LBT, LGT, GBT, LG, LB, LT, GB, GT, BT, L, G, B, T. All the combinations of the rainbow.
Let us enjoy this beautiful moment where the Health Secretary doesn't believe in homeopathy.
Not every stereotype is true, but you shouldn't judge them all because of a small minority.
When dreams die it is the period just before you wake and the revisionism of the dream takes place as you build the required defences to deny its true meaning.
How dare you not try and stop me from doing what I want to do, it is obviously a terrible idea.
I find the xenophobia and conformism thrilling. It’s just the sport I find boring.
Value can be measured in tears shed in work toilet cubicles.
A secret is an employer’s toilet.
“The risk is low.” “Oh my god! It’s that high?”
No more masters and slaves! Everyone to be master! Everyone to be slave!
Kant’s remark on the immoral being that which is inconsistent with publicitly and the universal secrecy around wages.
Imagine my horror when the sentence finished as expected.
Essence comes second. Existence comes first.
She arranged her books in order of how good they were and invited guests to make changes to the order.
If the options had been “Leave, thank you” and “Remain, fuck you” remain would have won.
You are a reverie of sweetness.
What you really want is power plus the symbolic apparatus of being the subject of some malevolence.
If you really want to attack a hyper socialised animal tell it you are worried about hurting its feelings.
The arts are the totality of society’s hypocrisy.
For a theory to be accepted by the artists only is the final humiliation.
Opinions are a means to maintain contradictory behaviours.
If we could just manufacture some people to disagree with us everything would be perfect.
Sport is the identity between the value and the measure.
“It doesn’t matter.” “Oh, I didnt realise it was that important.”
The vulgar materialists are the biggest idealists of all.
Acting as if you believe as a defence mechanism for not believing turned to the true horror of actually believing.
An attempt to convey maximum information in an answer to a yes no question.
The material conditions for bad faith.
The fantasy of the city. The shadow of the provinces. The fantasy of the provinces. The shadow of the city.
Death of the fittest.
The inequality between the meaning of the word leave and the meaning of the word leave shows an oddly Hegelian logic from the Conservative right.
Politeness. Rudeness. Political correctness. Rudical correctness.
“Why did you say you wanted to leave when really you just thought that is what I didn’t want you to say?” “I was thinking dialectically.”
Distorted electric guitar is the sound of impotence.
He doesn’t really think I think he is pathetic! How pathetic.
I thought he was projecting but now I think I was projecting his projection on to him.
The car crash is the full stop at the end of the last sentence of the last paragraph of the contemporary moment.
I crave leisure but I’m force fed entertainment.
Early capitalism.
Christ discovered atheism. And he discovered it on the cross. Only a God could kill God. Therefore Christ is God. What a peculiar argument!
Tragedy is the highest form of failure.
When there are two solutions and they're both bad lets hope the problem remains unsolved.
Bullshit and authenticity are identical.
It wasn’t me it was my I.
I have one good opinion. But I can’t remember what it was.
Mapping the seven dwarfs to their corresponding deadly sin.
“My rights are that part of my power which others have not merely conceded me, but which they wish me to preserve” - Nietzsche, Daybreak.
I have a notion of the tragic. It concerns the fundamental desire for a pair of opposites. These are inferiority and superiority. It is not merely that one cannot have both but that one must have neither!
Cristal isn’t that clear.
The insect that is attracted to flowers for no reason.
Medicine is the belief that a problem may be solved by describing it in Latin.
Kant’s antinomies are simply the most extraordinary things I have ever seen.
I don’t aim to remove my confusions but rather to accurately describe them.
“Sorted” sounds very similar to “sort it”. The UK public transport messaging draws an almost poetic ambiguity around this pair and its repetition creates a mild angst.
I dream of people with outrageous opinions.
The death rattle of nations.
Three hundred and sixty four days of heterosex shame.
Spielberg’s preoccupation with people being eaten.
“Should we” is the start to a lot of grotesque questions.
Towards a theory of the crisis of theories of crisis.
The theory of all crises is that every crisis is a crisis of theory.
How dare you insult me by trying to be my friend and complimenting me. You should show me true respect by trying to put me down. That is what you would do if you cared what I thought.
A man is a success if he gets up in the morning, goes to bed at night, and in between accomplishes an aim or purpose.
Now the NHS is seventy it has turned right wing and racist so the Conservative party will start paying attention to its legitimate concerns.
People always say that people in general have some negative trait when what they mean is that you have that trait but they don’t quite have the courage to tell you outright.
"I'm lovin' it" are the most expensive and cheapest words ever written.
Choices offered in computer games are always ironic. In that sense they are like modern elections.
Art is the primary means to prevent change.
I owe money to those who I owe nothing.
Never call a referendum unless you don't know the right answer.
The easiest way to control people is to give them what they want.
I accidentally kept my holiday private and my miseries public.
Advertising is the equals sign between supply and demand.
Exchange is the eating, production the shitting.
Advertising is the mirror between production and consumption.
In the future there will be exactly one industry and it will be advertising.
Why are you apologising? Are you accusing me of accusing you of something?
Happiness is a sad TV presenter.
The most effective form of censorship is to give them too much of everything else.
Football's going home.
Politics is not a battle of ideas.
Politeness is just a better way of being rude.
If I had power over you wouldn’t it be me asking you to be contrite.
1000 mathematical problematics.
No female Roosevelt without a female Hitler.
Isn’t it nice the way your theory makes you look good.
Men don’t have to choose whether to have a family or not have a family they can both have a family and not at the same time.
And the orgin of life shall also be the origin of piss.
The mouth is the meeting place of sublime poetry, cheap hamburgers and grotesque sex acts.
Father Earth
Gigadeath
The most common form of gerrymandering is to offer the choice between identities.
A rebellion on a page is an actor on a stage.
Think and say whatever you want as long as you do what you’re told.
Just because a thing is something doesn’t mean it can’t also be a metaphor for that same something.
An amusing few moments of thought can be taken from Mao’s (and currently official) description of China as a ‘people’s democratic dictatorship’.
How do the ‘vulgar materialists’ so easily reject the materialist conception of history?
Judas Iscariot has donated to the founding of a new think tank the Jesus Christ Institute.
There’s no such thing as a free launch.
I’m a pervert for women’s subjectivity.
I’m going to write my guilt about destroying the environment across the environment.
In Hell you get everything you want.
The metamonoculture.
Brexit dividend to pay for tax rise.
Comedy is the epitaph of wit.
Europe is not cinematic.
Hail to the shabbiness of our relations!
A racist is someone who thinks all races should be treated equally.
Reliving the same conversation and we both know it.
If my behaviour depends on whether or not I believe free will exists can I choose which to believe based on which sets of behaviours I prefer?
If free will doesn’t exist is it ungrammatical to use sentences with the word I in?
I wish I could drape myself over something like a sheet.
Just because it is true doesn't mean it is not propaganda.
Darwin's great achievement was a literal tautology 'the survival of the fittest'. The survival of the survivors. He might as well have said 'cats are cats'.
Nobody knows where Los Angeles is.
"The sumptuous age of stars and images is reduced to a few artificial tornado effects, pathetic fake buildings, and childish tricks which the crowd pretends to be taken in by to avoid feeling too disappointed." - Baudrillard
Do you want to visit the aquarium? I already live in an aquarium.
Happy people don't know how to have fun.
Usain Bolt is the world's saddest man. He lived his whole life in under ten thoughts.
A new drug to be administered to corpses so that they can smile in the ground forever.
Suicide rates are a bad measure of misery?
Reason is the opposite of a smile.
You ave to apply for special permission to say 'if I can do it anyone can'. Only the select few may utter those words.
American patriotism expresses itself purely in ironic modes.
It remains my prediction that in the future you will get paid to eat at restaurants and live in houses and you will pay to work.
It is a little known fact that America started in America.
Europe is a fake Disneyland.
How sad for Americans that they will never be able to see America.
Manufacturing is a niche pursuit of bohemians, culture is a primary industry.
Yes the creative industries contribute more to GDP than manufacturing but manufacturing has a greater cultural significance in our economic self image.
I grew up and stopped reading introductions.
No one knows why the panda bears write well reasoned treatises on why they should be allowed to commit suicide.
Is this a real fake?
"Of all existing zoos, [San Diego] is unquestionably the one where the animal is most respected. But it is not clear whether this respect is meant to convince the animal or the human." - Umberto Eco, travels in America.
When you start talking about the shortness of life you are already dead.
The most terrifying possibility of global warming is that it doesn't wipe us out.
A dying man is a nursery for trite and vapid sentimentalism.
I truly believe that if you follow your dreams you too can achieve your dreams like me. You can walk through a field of shit in heavy piss rain in high heels before fucking a woman who definitely isn't your mother.
Lance Armstrong has tested positive for cycling.
If I could test the mapping I could perform the mapping.
If omniscience is the mapping of all sentences to their truth values, do we just need to ask if such a mapping exists?
Reading your enemies is more instructive.
Economically stable strategy
Ready made arguments
The grammar of objectification is subtle.
The World Cup is trying to use Russia for propaganda purposes.
“The dress reflected Meghan’s human side”. She has an inhuman side?
"I don't understand Einstein's field equations therefore they are wrong" - Scruton on Hegel.
In the year 2059 the average hen do is projected to last 1.7 years.
It can be as fun to think about why wrong things are wrong as why right things are right.
Science and capitalism are exactly the same thing.
Investing in my erotic capital.
Extracting grammar from non-idiomatic nonsense.
The disaster of the Twin Towers proves that Einstein was wrong about Gravity.
“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””comedian “”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
Yes religion has given us some of the most profoundly beautiful architecture in Europe, but science has given us the framework of evolutionary theory with which to begin to understand the wonder of the Human anus.
“Be your own person. Be true to yourself.” - someone else.
Exchange is my wife and production my mistress.
“Mi casa tu casa” - me to my landlord.
My hope is that under communism I can have more foie gras and Champagne.
The Bible is inconsistent. As if that was a criticism.
Neuschwanstein Castle is more fake than Cinderella Castle.
As solitary as an oyster dining alone in Venice’s most romantic restaurant.
The world’s worst restaurant is the world’s best restaurant because it makes every other meal you have ever eaten slightly better.
The United Kingdom has the world’s only perfect constitution.
High quality bull shit.
I am a sentence.
Teenage rebellion is committed of the parents by the parents for the parents.
The set of all illogical logics.
I’m not president I’m just in charge of everything.
Racism is knowing that Eurozone debt union is inevitable and impossible at the same time.
We aren’t governed by the government.
The really frightening thought is that those professional smiles aren’t fake.
Preventative.
It is hard to think seriously when you are putting all your effort into appearing to think seriously.
Sex without love is like food without seasoning. Love without sex is like pure salt.
Recreational work.
The true villains of Watergate were Woodward and Bernstein.
DisneyLand Paris is so fake. It is just a phantasm and simulacra of the true reality of Disney World Florida.
Jogging away from death.
You don’t really believe the Earth goes around the Sun unless you are dizzy.
iconolaters
"My favourite Rolling Stones song is [that one about the statutory rape of a black girl]" - My parents.
"The self is an illusion" - "I don't believe I exist"
Capitalism and democracy seek separation due to irreconcilable differences.
Melanial
In Utopia, you can dwell on your miseries luxuriously.
It takes real intellect to be as stupid as Sam Harris.
Now is the point in the dialectical game where I feign a change of mind and adopt my true position.
They are not even my bad ideas. They are someone else’s bad ideas.
let him sleep a while longer before killing him with this wintry news
Cigarettes are like peacock feathers. “I’m so virile that warnings of impotence don’t scare me.”
"This country faces a skills gap" = "We don't want to pay market prices for skilled labour"
To early Wittgenstein the tomato is a fruit. To late Wittgenstein it is a vegetable.
They don’t know their capacity for evil because they aren’t free.
He was so mad that he went his whole life without ever having a mental illness.
Old people are so rude nowadays.
The quasi-religious specacle of demonstrating aircraft safety procedures obviously has nothing to do with aircraft safety.
Epigrammatic non sequiturs
Cockaigne is the true nightmare.
“They hate our way of life.” We all hate our way of life. It is the murder I’m against.
Why won’t these children pretend to be happy!?
I ego identify with being disinterested. And I put a lot of effort into that.
Star Wars Episode III is a complete work of art, made excellent by Hayden Christensen’s pretty face and bad acting.
The cosmic microwave background is proof that God bought the Universe from a supermarket.
All I ever wanted was to make people hate me.
After fighting a lifelong battle with Thanatos.
A baby would perfectly complement this cage.
Been have prophecy could misread that a.
The Gospel according to Vulgar Materialism
I don't like theories that make me look bad.
Congratulations, we hate you the most.
The labour theory of value and supply and demand curves reconciled.
The positive is that which when operating it itself gives itself. The negative is that which when operating on itself gives the positive. But both may be interchanged!
Might De Beauvoir’s claim that “man is both the positive and the neutral” be read not as ideology critique but as metaphysical position.
Have no illusions, imagine if it was possible to simply intentionally stop having illusions.
Make no mistake, imagine it was possible to simply intentionally stop making mistakes.
We buy many commodities but only sell one.
Why are there seven dwarfs?
One measure of heteronomy is the extent to which physical conversations mirror the comercial media.
The central implicit claim of every religion is that its followers have the best sex.
The labour theory of value is both tautologically true and self-evidently false. Do we therefore have an antinomy which identifies a failure to draw a distinction?
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Normal Functional Unhappiness.
“If you love your country why don’t you marry it” as an unironic critique.
Has there ever been a tower made of ivory?
The Dipshit Diptych
The workplace also produces identities for the employees.
Taking halloween deadly seriously. Using it to meditate on the dead loved ones that hang over us like a still born calf on your shoulders.
The representation of unprofessional behaviour in the professionally produced leisure activity structures free time as an opposite to work.
The culture is consumed during leisure time and is therefore made to appear unprofessional. This is not in contradiction with its highly professionalised production except at the point of contact where the two opposites must be unified in to a coherent whole.
Force them in to a lie which they will then be forced to make a truth.
"The British regime." - Islamic State propaganda.
Did I say I don't like it when children get killed? I meant to say I do.
If you are willing to be proved wrong you can make me do whatever you want.
Just because I’m obsessed with an idea doesn’t mean it is wrong.
Who benefits from a deeper and more prolonged recession?
“Son of a joiner becomes UK’s richest man.” It would be more impressive if the joiner had done it.
My employment history seems an overly intimate detail to be sharing with a prospective employer.
Thinking before you speak doesnt necessarily maximise thought.
“To gain knowledge add something every day. To gain wisdom take something away every day”. But plus one minus one equals zero so if I just do nothing I can gain knowledge and wisdom in one fell swoop!
Yes you look young but I’m looking for someone who is young.
The Enlightenment is the opposite of enlightenment.
In Truth Land, the school's motto is 'Compliance, Stupidity, Boredom'.
Just walked past a hall full of empty examination desks and felt almost overwhelmed by sadness.
The pursuit of happiness is fine. Actually getting there is a unending nightmare.
"It explains nothing at all." "That much?"
the hyper-socialised animal
Damn you liked that gift more than I had hoped.
The whole point of comedy is that it is problematic.
The threat of revolutionary terror could fulfil the same function as burning money in the battle of the sexes game theory problem.
“Some rather amateurish psychoanalysis.” “Is there any other kind?”
It's all very literal isn't it.
Congratulations to PROF PRE for finally getting tenure.
I hate that so much it must be good.
"The right won the economic war and the left won the culture war" - what would a direct reversal of this look like?
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - someone who has never had sex.
"Data science". What science doesn't use data?
After trying to do the undooable and failing one must think the unthinkable instead.
metalabour
Democratic equilibrium across the principle axis.
auto ad hominem
You have to take an exam in order to be able to vote and the exam consists of the question 'what would you vote for if you could vote?'
If Sainsbury's and ASDA can learn to get along, why can't the middle east?
Good job we are now involved in the proxy war between Iran and Israel.
Your main argument is that someone on the internet who thinks the opposite is a racist?
How dare you listen to what I am saying instead of nodding along politely!
Every question is designed to maximally convey 'fuck you' and every answer is constructed likewise.
I'm the parasite!
If Leaving the European Union is bad for business then why is it a project of the elites? Why would it be in the interest of the right wing press to harm the UK business interest?
Should we bomb us?
Accurata Utopiae Tabula
If you're not crying you're not thinking.
Norm violation is the last accusation of someone with no bargaining power.
The dialectic of Malcolm X.
Adults are vicious but they aren't as bad as children.
We are the only animal with whites of the eyes so you can tell when we are looking at you. Even dogs understand the malevolence.
Argument is just dishonest barking.
Everything I have I got through my own merit and all my merit was bought for me by my parents.
Safety leads to decay. Decadence leads to danger.
At movie producer kindergarten they teach the kids to count "One Two Infinity".
I couldn't even build up the courage to tell someone ruining a film for everyone to shut up and yet somehow I think I would have stood up against Nazism.
Preempting attacks against you in order to construct defences isn't the same as preempting attacks against your arguments.
"It's dog eat dog out there." Are these dogs Chinese?
What if the inequality goes and the rank remains?
The only thing I care more about than my social rank is denying how much I care about it.
A vote is a price you don't have to pay.
A cathedral of ideas built on the desire to deny my shadow.
Modern films are so loud because people can’t bear to hear the silence in their heads.
The main problem with Stanislavski is that we never know what our motives are and justify our actions post hoc.
But what if postpostmodernism is worse?
perquisite
When an atheist watches a film they lay every frame on the floor in front of them and watch the whole thing.
Revenge of the nerds? Wasn't the original aggression committed by nerds?
Pleasure island is a horrible nightmare.
It's a lot easier to love some far off peasant than your actual neighbour.
What happens when reason comes in to conflict with experience.
Are opinions that you can only hold when you occupy some unsustainable position less likely to be true than ones you can only hold in a sustainable one?
How many wrong things do I have to think to prove that thing I said ten years ago right?
Apparently on the continent they use intellectual as a compliment
"Doctor doctor I want to commit suicide." "Patient patient don't make such a terrible mistake; recent studies have shown killing yourself to be very bad for your health."
What opinions do I need for this job?
What is problematic about you!?
problematicallly
I have a problematic with my wordsamatic.
Do these opinions get me in to Heaven? No, but those actions get you in to Hell.
It is a great relief to know that your vote makes no difference.
“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom; it is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves” - William Pitt, Hansard 18 November 1783.
I don’t have any clarity of thought when I’m drunk or when I’m sober but at least when I’m drunk I’m not aware of the lack of clarity.
Time for a spring clean out of opinions. But for every one I throw out two new bad opinions form in its place.
What if after I’ve removed all my delusions there is nothing left?
Yeah of course God thinks that. You can only hold opinions like that when you’re God.
Because I’m a phony hypocrite I can render any statement false by uttering it.
Just because everything I think, do and say is stupid don’t let that fool you.
I used to think that America faked the Moon landings. But now I realise they couldn't possibly have had the technology required for such a feat.
Walking down the street laughing out loud thinking 'why am I reliving the time I had to pretend something was funny?'
Imagine going on a year long stag do. That's what it is like living in Brighton.
Brighton in the spring; you can smell the sea! But why does the sea smell of marijuana?
Complicated scientific jargon is always the best way to confuse people into conceding an argument.
I don’t know if I think what I think because it justifies the decisions I’ve made or I made the decisions based on what I thought.
When you have complete faith in the Prime Minister’s judgement you just don’t feel the need for them to be constrained by parliament.
We must uphold the law, even if that means breaking the law.
Just don’t expect me to be impressed by your aggressively pathetic modesty.
Why have cotton when you can have cocaine? Because cocaine is illegal and wrong.
I like things the liking of which serves my self interest.
Eenie meenie minie moe, which side in the Syria conflict is our enemy this time?
I’d be a cannibal if it wasn’t frowned upon.
I take offence at everything that makes you look good to take offence to.
rm * Now
Education is the industrial destruction of courage.
“Belligerents” - good word.
Steven Pinker self correcting his accidental use of “on the other hand” to “on the other side” was an anti-freudian slip.
I have nearly finished my cup of sanity.
“My page is filthy but my life is clean” - Martial.
Consistency between what you say, what you think and what you do is the definition of madness.
Prices contain maximum information.
The abolition of slavery may have been caused by brute economic forces with moralising tacked on for publicity purposes. Does that constitute a Marxian reading?
What sort of sick fuck would write an introduction to someone else's book. After they died! That is why I choose to never write a book in case some cunt tries to lie on my grave. And not because I can't be bothered.
The difference between positive and negative numbers seems intimately related between the difference between addition-subtraction and multiplication-division.
True is the one that when applied to itself gives itself. False is the one that when applied to itself gives the other one.
The set of all possible world states is the set of all sets of sentences which could all map to true simultaneously.
Synthetic sentences divide the set of all possible world states in two.
Analytic sentences map all possible world states to the same truth value. Synthetic sentences map all possible world states to two truth values.
A sentence maps world states to truth values.
A proposition is the set of all sentences that have concordant truth values on world states.
John Connor is a patsy. Kyle Reese is Sarah Connor’s son!
We live in such an incredible age where, with Netflix, we have at our fingertips every film that has ever been shit.
The Data, the whole Data and nothing but the Data.
Survival of the most cowardly.
Flat earth theory corresponds to an azimuthal equidistant projection.
The lesson of the twentieth century is that you can’t build a utopia. That if you try to create heaven on earth it will lead to calamity and that’s something that was never understood by the men, and yes it was mainly men, who built Disney World.
Undepressed
Unsadness
Hate is kind.
Snow White's middle name is is.
The number of Mt Everests is equal to the number of bees in this jam jar.
Cabbages are God’s gift to cheapskates.
Nothing like a break from pissing your life away to make you realise you’re pissing your life away.
I fought the coil and won!
The sad sight of academics thinking they matter.
“Demos-pleasing”
The normative and positive are mixed in economics because wants impact ends.
Man calls himself symmetrical? Then watch him walk!
Holiday nostalgic and melancholic glances at magnified wrinkles in the corners of sunglasses.
Train seats as a location for guilt and uncertainty.
Facts are as irritating as guilt but without the aesthetics.
Detective Columbo is guilt incarnate.
Speaking as someone with no relevant experience or special insight into this topic I reveal the popular opinion.
You need to be forty to learn that the soundscape in The Shining (1980) is the sound of tinnitus.
The incapacity to give a simple answer.
“I love words” “I’ve always preferred sentences”
Every film that establishes a distinction between fantasy and reality invites an ambiguity between which is which.
Atheism takes the sexlessness from Protestantism, the scepticism about Christ from Islam, and the paranoia about paternity from Catholics.
Kill two birds with one nuclear bomb.
It turns out that a rolling stone gathers a large amount of moss.
The ideal world is one where everyone except me is a Christian.
Beware of opinions that are also job requirements.
The rewinding of a video of Terminator carried more metaphorical weight than is available to digital media.
“How did an excessive respect for his audience lead him to treat his audience with disrespect?” - Nietzsche on Euripides.
A man’s mind is a rat nest full of traps.
I found myself being someone I don’t want to be; being something I don’t want to find.
If anything they should be arresting the pug surely.
A straight answer to a stupid question.
The country and its people; you can love any one.
War is the ultimate meritocracy.
Sport is theatre with contingency.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it may be a Disney animated film on your television set.
I do not engage in so-called 'honey traps' but will happily engage in honey traps.
Why be an irreverent comedian when you could be an irrelevant chameleon.
Not Safe For Home
It isn't entirely shocking that a new form of media is used to influence public opinion.
But what about my illegitimate concerns?
When they came for the racists I did nothing...
The young are attracted to theories because they are theoretical.
We all agree about everything. Except how to talk to each other.
Pride is invariably followed by a stomach ache. If only it was the other way round we would be in utopia.
Comedy is the absence of a car crash.
The best way to be cruel to a child is to tell it it will have a career. You have to wait twenty years for the pay off but boy is it spectacular.
The twin towers was (not were) targeted because two phallic images side by side is bizarre braggadocio. The mirror image calamity gave mythological significance.
Whoever pays your wage buys your heart.
All the other sports are just abstract boxing.
Antlia is the worst constellation. It represents, genuinely, an air pump.
If your theory could explain the counterfactual then it doesn't explain the factual.
Inability to be hypocrite is a profound weakness.
What more disgusting sight than sexual partners agreeing about politics.
Without language there is no God.
Gastrology
Britain First represents a completely false and offensive vision for this country. We should aim for something more like Britain Seventeenth.
If you want to keep them pliable, keep them busy.
In my experience talking tends to cause disputes, not solve them.
I can't be bothered to try and be a CEO, but I would like to force women to do it.
Peeling away delusions like the layers of an onion.
He was a confusing man. He always confused me and continues to confuse me. Thank you.
Is it illegal to be frightened of spiders?
I'm not clever enough to understand everything I've written.
If humanity is progressing then why did antiquity yield the Odyssey and modernity yield Enlightenment Now?
Abuse of power? How else is it possible to use it?
Modest to the point of aggressive.
We argue as if we were trying to find some truth when in reality we are just representing irreconcilable divergence in material interests.
Man caught creating easy comedy by writing banalities is style of newspaper headlines.
Why does expressing an un-insightful observation as a headline make it a joke?
“Diane Abbott can’t do basic arithmetic” - someone who supported austerity.
I’m an ethnic minority.* *On a global scale.
The Bible is the ultimate meme.
Rhetoric is the manipulation of cognitive bias.
Reality is an abstraction of the abstract.
Chris Rock hates working class people. He loves middle class people. But he hates working class people.
London is good. * * if you are young or successful.
Has anything ever been sorted after someone saw it and said it?
Do pets get sexually transmitted diseases?
The relationship between what I say and what I think is like my relationship with Rhianna; it doesn’t exist.
Why does the TIME’S UP campaign use the same font as THE TIMES of London?
“These images we’re constantly bombarded with in magazines” - who reads magazines?
I’m frightened of London.
Do you ever feel like your voice is some alien presence that has nothing to do with you.
My life is an answer to the question “how embarrassing is it possible to be?”
In a hurry? There’s nothing you need to know this morning. Or any morning.
Maybe the people who are right just had a material interest in being right.
What you have to remember is that to sports people percentages are out of 110.
“We are leaving the EU to make trade more free. “ “But trade will be less free with our main trading partners.” “Exactly, we will be free to impose restrictions on trade.”
Steven Pinker has never had a dream.
Optimists are a portent of decline.
Of course NASA didn't fake the moon landings. It was actually Russian meddling in to the space program that caused them to be faked.
Radically unknowable postcolonial matter and radically unknowable postcolonial energy.
LGBT+S = 1
I blame women for the patriarchy.
Chris Rock is very proud.
The law of intended consequences.
Evolution isn’t science; it is tautology.
A classic case of the pot calling the kettle an N-word.
Look we all know what the referendum was really about. It was a dog whistle campaign relying on the nation's deep seated and visceral hatred of Eddie Izzard.
We need to start working on military uniforms and insignia for the impending UK civil war.
Why doesn’t the right to bear arms apply to nuclear arms?
“Love your neighbour like yourself.” “Oh come on they’re not that bad.”
I believe that children should be able to have a better life than their parents, mainly because they are younger.
"The invention of disruptive communication technology gave unprecedented access of radicals and extremists to the common people." - Description of printing press and Martin Luther to mind blown teenager.
Never before in the field of human peacetime has so much of so many been owned by so few.
The family is unnatural. That is what is good about it.
"If we had free trade with perfectly functioning markets unskilled labour would cost the same in China and the UK."
"I'd like to welcome you to a panel discussion at The Raph Shirley Foundation for the Aggressive Pursuit of his Self Interest." And then I woke up and it was all a dream.
Holding elections is the easiest way to stifle democracy.
The median income of American males is lower than it was 40 years ago.
"I'm offended." "Don't be so hard on yourself."
If Britain is great then Ireland is northern.
So called main impact of global warming being increased variability.
He has a sexist world view and thinks there are broad differences between the genders. Typical man!
I can't wait for Elon Musk to privatise space.
Teradeath
Over five million per medal seems like a rip off.
Value for money is inversely proportional to value.
The bankers will be striking next.
Value for money, money for value, value for value. And money for money.
Some people are critical of Russia for not fighting on the side of the Islamists? Beware of pictures of injured children.
Evolutionism
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must say ‘I don’t know you can’t say anything anymore.’
Marxist-Hegelian theory is the best way to show off an expensive education.
An American is someone with a sophomoric interpretation of Nietzsche.
The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are an overt metaphor for women.
Comedy is brag trading.
Steven Pinker is “not even wrong”. And I say that as someone who has taken the time and effort to stay the hell away from his filthy new book.
I’m available to hire to tell you you can’t do something so your triumph can be sold with some bull shit narrative.
Might defined benefit pensions have a stabilising effect on the economy because during a recession the incomes of the old are predictable.
“It would not have been possible for us to take power or to use it in the ways we have without the radio” - Joseph Goebbels. What is permitted by television and the internet?
"I'm approaching a coherent description of my confusions." "Arrogant."
The most dangerous threat to humanity is education. I say that as a compliment.
"A million deaths is a price worth paying for the freedom to drive at dangerous speeds (over thirty miles an hour)."
The self interest of those who self identify as rational.
Being alive is better than not being alive like we were a hundred years ago so why are you angry that I am punching you?
"-1 * -1 = +1" but "not not A != A"
Henry Ford funded the printing of 500,000 copies of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
Passive and compliant to the point of aggressive self destruction.
"Irreverence" typically assumes its superiority.
The vision of politics as a debate between two descriptions of reality and preferences for government and the alternative vision of rational debate as a proxy for raw interests.
Identity politics is the opposite of de Beauvoir's existentialist feminism. The famous definition of existentialism could easily be rephrased "existence precedes identity".
"Love wins." Why does Love always want to have a competition when Hate just wants to get along and collaborate?
"Risk" is often an innuendo for "something that is definitely worse".
The square root of two is my unfavourite number.
Twitter is great place to find arguments that are easy to take down, thus boosting your ego.
Financial advisor is an offensive term. You should call them people who fuck you for money.
I spend two hours of every day building my palace of self delusion.
I never remember whether bisexual means you have sex twice a week or once every two weeks.
The comic depends on a shared moral ground.
A Mr Bean film in which he works for a cryonics company and accidentally swaps the plug for 10000 frozen brains for a chest freezer to make strawberry freeze pops.
Comic film about corporate spies.
“What do you think about the latest cultural product?” “It gives the ego a sense of power to exercise judgement.”
If you're confused and you know it clap your hand.
In order for a New Yorker, for example, to trade on their recognisable type a great deal of effort must have been done ahead of time to establish the cultural meaning of such a figure.
The universal ambiguity.
The dominant culture imagines a parallel dominant culture to parody and critique. This is a delirious dream of the past epoch. An original sin of the parents.
The I-me dyad a priori entails a metaphysics of sex.
The words I and you entail the words love and hate.
To study the work of art don’t look directly at it but at the audience.
Art does not require a self consistent description of its creation let alone one that resides within the work itself. Moreover it cannot have one!
The discourse cannot be stopped. Ever!
Proposal for new legal code with one law that is don’t break the law.
I'm going to launch a review into my death that will last one hundred years.
The sequel to The Terminator should have been Sarah Connor finding out that Kyle Rees is her son and John Connor is her husband.
The Terminator is very much built on a Structuralist reading of Oedipus. The rock, paper, scissor logic explicitly negates a Symbolist reading.
Europe will fail because the parliament is round, which prohibits the symbolic representation of conflict, and therefore breeds actual conflict.
How many good minds wasted on the "national conversation"?
terayears
The genius was realising that left to their own devices, they would manufacture their own propaganda all by themselves.
It is a little known fact that the Second World War was actually started by a group of actors wearing green clothes to an awards ceremony.
Yeah, but everything is advancing at an unprecedented rate.
"Your thinking is very confused." "Is your's not? You must be very stupid."
Speech is free. It's listening that costs.
Genuinely believe that in the future *you* will pay to do work and *be paid* to perform leisure services.
Given the rather impressive capabilities of the human mind why do we lack the ability to perform simple mechanical arithmetic unconsciously?
Comedy finds increasingly sophisticated ways or obscuring the victim.
The atheist statement that 'the burden of proof lies with those claiming there is a god' is just that; a statement. Have you got an argument to back it up?
Negation is not the same as the universal affirmation of the negative.
People seriously care about how they die. That is why no one particularly gives a shit about a million accidental road deaths but getting intentionally shot is vewy scawey.
Comedy is enjoyable propaganda.
It is so much easier to have solidarity with striking workers when you consider them beneath you.
Three Billboards Outside Billings Missouri is filthy propaganda wearing the clothes of a rape joke.
Some Russian hackers in a flat derailed the multibillion dollar US election industry? Were they also lizards?
People who identify as people who actually are males regardless of what they identify as.
(Sarah née Raph Shirley)
As a mark of respect when I get married I'm going to take my wife's first name.
The principle difference between suicide terrorists and suicide mass murderers is that for the terrorists suicide is instrumental and for the mass murderers it is expressive. It is not suicide to achieve some aim but the aim itself is suicide and we have different words for them.
The trouble with examining students when the students are customers is the customer is always right.
I found out my brother was an actor when I saw him secretly give a stirring speech about discrimination.
That subtle melancholy when you realise they will never make any more action films from the nineties.
In Vertigo the subconscious is openly rendered on screen. In Psycho, it has defence mechanisms.
fake propaganda
What happens when a guest ale outstays its welcome? The other beers start making snide remarks.
Fish are too modest. Just admit you are an F.
Imagine making a Big Mac except with an entire loaf of bread.
Tinned tomatoes are cans that were in bad plays.
What is this glass? And why is it always at 50\% capacity?
I don't like jokes about sex because they aren't as good as sex about jokes.
"Happiness becomes the continuation of mourning by other means." - Nickolas Pappas on Scottie in Vertigo.
Oedipal readings of Psycho and The Terminator.
The reason the Terminator is Austrian is because he represents Hitler's conception of the Übermensch.
We need to look deeply at ourselves and conduct a thorough colonialoscopy.
iPhony
Pluto is a planet trapped in the body of a dwarf planet.
The death of one man is a statistic. The death of ten to a hundred is news.
There are over 35 000 deaths a year in America due to these disgusting weapons and still no one in power wants to do anything about the proliferation of cars.
First order irony might as well not bother being irony at all.
It is homophobic to think a womb is not something to be rented out.
Romance is the epitaph of a fuck.
I watched a seagull drag a used tampon out of a bin.
As fuzzy as an American's definition of postmodernism.
The reason the internet poses such a threat to democracy is because it is democratic.
Poor Americans with their dreams of happiness and fulfilment.
Most people can’t wait to get old.
Losers complain about hypocrites. Hypocrites complain about losers.
"We have reached the third degree where we devote our intelligences to anticipating what average opinion expects the average opinion to be. And there are some... who practise the fourth, fifth and higher degrees." - is Keynes talking about investment or heterosexual monogamy?
Accurate analysis is a shitty consolation prize.
The mean is above the median so the average worker earns less than average.
"I want to kill myself" said the man who voted to leave the European Union. "But what you don't realise, is that statistically, killing yourself has a negative impact on health outcomes" said the person who voted to remain in the European Union.
The price you pay for well developed analytic skills in one area is gross overconfidence in all others.
I suffer from the very finest and most expensive delusions.
One gets the impression that, in calling his book Enlightenment Now, Steven Pinker fails to notice that he draws a direct parallel between the Enlightenment and the Apocalypse.
I'm going to make sure my son will never die by designing and building a car with an electric power train.
I absolutely loved it, which I say as a criticism.
Will we ask what should happen or should we ask what will happen?
Animals are most dangerous when they are grieving.
Brexit is a MacGuffin.
The United Union of Unions.
Leats available for a radical change of mind.
Should the United Union leave the European Kingdom.
I knew my son hated me and wanted to tell me to “fuck off” so I just asked him “should the United Kingdom leave the European Union.”
An atheist is someone so stupid as to analyse a sentence like “love is kind” in terms of its truth value.
Don’t be so stupid as to take language at face value. Leave that to philosophers.
Idea for cryptocurrency where every individual generates one coin per day alive which belongs to them. Lifecoin. Mining involves staying alive.
Yes, the joint North and South Korean women's ice hockey team has lost its first match - a friendly against Sweden - but which Korea scored the most goals against Sweden?
Minister for Loneliness. Actually.
True power is when people help their own standing by praising (or criticising?) you.
The oracle at Delphi has prophesied that man shall destroy his environment so he will build a billion electric cars to make sure he will never fuck up the environment.
“But if you look at the figures you will see that immigration is a net benefit to the economy.” “I don’t think you heard, I said fuck *you*.” “Yes ok, I have listened to your concerns, we will tackle immigration.”
The subconscious evolved hand in hand with the arsehole.
Treating others as you wish to be treated is a great way to be cruel to your woman.
Grammatically uncorrect
Yes but you must admit that freedom and wealth have led to incredible improvements in Capitalism.
The Mouth, the Vagina, and the Holy Anus.
American liberal comedians, having used vulgarity as a proxy for authenticity now don't know how to respond to a president more willing to use it than them.
Saying “we’re obsesssed with the Second World War and should move forward” is a bit like saying “you’re obsessed with your mum’s death yesterday. Get over it.”
I'm the best at finding increasingly sophisticated ways of hiding the fact I'm showing off.
In the future, we will all drive clean electric cars which don’t cause any global warming and kill 1.3 million per year.
There is no limit to human ingenuity. No matter what problems we face I believe in our ability to come up with a theory to explain why they are a natural and unavoidable consequence of civilisation.
If I was a name I'd be a middle name.
"a dominance hierarchy display with an ideological overlay"
Speech is free. It's hearing that costs.
"What is your favourite film?" "I'm clever, with great taste and cultural capital. But hey, I don't take myself too seriously!"
A footballer tackling loneliness head-on. Alone in a vast empty football pitch tackling loneliness.
She said 'calm down' in a transparent attempt to rile me so my counter aggression was to emanate some preternatural calm.
A Freudian analysis of Lynch is like a Freudian analysis of Freud. It is tautologically applicable.
The pursuit of happiness by a dog looking for a bed.
Yes he's happy. But does being happy really make you rich?
The sexiest thing about him is his job.
"Dr Marx gave the right diagnosis but the wrong prescription."
The reason I don't eat humans is they are too dangerous a creature to hunt or farm.
The biggest impact my vote has on me is what people think of me since it will certainly not affect the outcome of the election. Obviously my reasoning takes account of that.
I don't think that can be true because saying it doesn't make me enough of a cunt.
The topic of discussion is orthogonal to the meaning.
Everything I say including this is just self-delusions serving some unknown interest?
What more collectivist enterprise than the corporation?
Equal pay for equal bargaining power.
It's possible to lie when everything you say is true.
Of the people, by the people, against the people.
Roger Scruton is the world's cleverest idiot.
Which regret would you prefer?
Why didn't Thatcher privatise the roads?
These fifteen pound scrambled eggs are delicious. The secret ingredient is ideology.
In order to let hypocrisy flourish and perform its vital social function we must first publicly denounce hypocrisy.
Anyone who says "raising dopamine in the brain" is talking out of their ass.
A popular revolt against democracy.
Genetically engineer pandas to smile while they are force mated.
The nightmare of meritocracy is it generates an elite who think they deserve to be the elite.
We'll all be pandas soon.
The gradual progression to a world in which nothing is done only said.
Carillion's motto was "Making tomorrow a better place". Something of a classic is its use of nonsense and contradiction.
The referendum gives government to power to decide what question to ask. The citizen then responds by deciding what question they want to answer.
The referendum reduces every citizen to some binary measurement. The citizen in turn, desiring to convey information applies further and further meta-analysis to an inadequate question.
You can had your cake and eat it.
Is 'A not = A' a different statement to 'A = not A'?
Id wearing the clothes of logic.
"... but on the other hand; on the other side..." - Steven Pinker's self correction tells us about his Weltanschauung.
The thrill of discovering some new theory is nothing compared to its being overturned.
Sport is the most collectivist activity. It is the opposite of individualism.
Pinocchio is high theology.
I don't mind elections its democracy I can't stand.
"I have low self-esteem" == "It is raining outside and I don't believe that it is".
"I have low self-esteem" = "My regard of myself is below the actual value of myself" = "I believe I am not great and I believe I am great".
Your mum has no rational foundation.
After Newton's theory of gravity, gravity still existed. The same is true of a feminist theory of gender roles.
What Steven Pinker and the 'anti-postmodernists' don't understand is that just because a statement is true doesn't mean it is True.
Like a deluded boxer celebrating his domination of bag.
The overbearing oppressiveness of total humour.
Giving a child everything it wants including its self conception is a perfect modern cruelty.
God doesn't feel good about himself.
Comedic language is highly formalised and regulated. It is broadly ordered around some notion of obedience.
Woody Allen's comedy hides aggression under the camouflage of anxiety.
There is a delivery man at the front door with a washing basin you ordered online for the new bathroom. Let that sink in.
If you want to offend you must first be comprehended.
To remain aloof from the contemporary idiom is a lifelong work.
I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to a point long before death the position that rights do not exist.
Thinking is dangerous. I only do it when strictly necessary.
Surplus envy.
Organising a piss up in a brewery would clearly require large amounts of organisational skill to overcome the heavy security required for such a hazardous industrial production facility.
Errors persist for generations.
Irony is a failure to hide.
The intellectual makes a fantasy world where intellectuals are kings and calls it philosophy.
A cathedral is an aesthetic system.
The truthfully apprehend ones motives is to be utterly incapable of action.
'Natural language processing' is a very unnatural way of saying 'reading'.
Computers can't even read.
Apparently Hegel rejects the law of identity. (A != A) is True!
"Scientific experiment and theory building became the true religious obedience"
One common aspect of the comic mode is the climactic association of some vulgarity with a supposedly shocking truth. That same mode then critically turns its attention on a vulgarity in some other mode.
I called my flat a shit hole once.
"Neither enthusiastic nor unenthusiastic."
He spent his life analysing his own faults and felt it a life well spent.
The main technique used to engineer systematic media bias is the cognitive bias called mere familiarity.
"I've smashed this egg with a hammer in order to demonstrate there is clearly something fundamentally wrong with eggs." - Jeremy Hunt.
Knowing your true motives is horrific.
"A quiet place where people of all backgrounds can come together for programming"
What purpose for a topic of national conversation?
She was always boorish but never a bore.
Boredom with brief interludes of envy.
Gamma and/or gammy males.
Ye did no good! Yes, but what of these fine opinions?
The vicar told me that there was no need to use the word 'endeth' in the last sentence as 'ends' would be fine. For reasons still unknown to me I said 'here endeth the firth lethon'.
Does it count as an economic strategy to have the best educated coffee makers in the world? Mine knows more about Hegel than yours!
Mental health enforcement.
I'm not sorry. I'm not even sorry for any hurt that may have been caused.
Saying what you mean is the highest form of rudeness.
Take some assumption and assume the exact opposite.
For life to have a meaning, like any code, presupposes a writer and a reader.
There is exactly one debate of zero consequence.
I base my whole identity around the position I take in some debate of no consequence.
Both the unabomber's and Anders Breivik's manifestos have sections dedicated to political correctness. Why is it of such psychological importance?
The obsession with the diversity of human sexuality is because it poses no threat to the elite consensus.
Busy yourself with recycling then mate.
Every film made before 2001 contains at least one lingering shot of the twin towers.
Take government in search of power and find that government is not the seat of power.
The more he is criticised by the winners the more I identify with him.
It was a stroke of genius to create jobs that require alcohol to be endured and alcohol that requires a job to be bought.
Most revolutions involve the full three hundred and sixty degrees. Leaving you back where you started except a little dizzy.
Benjamin Franklin was the last human to ever live.
Recycling is futile.
Society needs more engineers. That's a good argument to not study engineering but are there any arguments in favour?
The purpose of global warming is to comfort us with the idea that humanity is at its end when in reality something much worse is about to happen.
The joy of the left is pure analysis. Helping those weaker than yourself is an unfortunate side effect.
Crashing the economy is the best way to make your children remember you.
It's not so much what's true and what's false but which truths and which fallacies.
Does the housing ladder go up or down?
I thought I thought that because there were good arguments for it but now I think I think it because its arguments for me are good.
Is it hypocritical for a football player to put the ball in one net but at the same time try to deny half his fellow pitch mates from putting it in another but otherwise equal net.
Us Europeans have to accept that the English must be sacrificed for the good of the EU project. The only inconvenience is that the English are us.
I can't remember whether he was for or against just he was very persuasive either way.
The most inspirational thing about being an astronaut is looking down at planet earth and realising how all the insignificant people celebrate you.
Hell is framed by a rectangle.
The first homeless person to go to space.
Astronauts are always and only chosen for their propaganda value. The only remaining question is what mythological function is served by white male fighter pilots?
We are looking for someone who makes it look like they were selected by a system that appoints people based on merit.
It is absolutely vital that Britain maintains an independent nuclear deterrent in order to satisfy Thanatos.
Suck my transcendental signifier.
You must admit to some guilty fascination with the possibility of two well matched modern militaries being tested against each other.
How much do you pay me to go on this Holiday? I have to pay you? Please explain.
The most stupid question it is possible to ask of the bible is is it true.
In explaining some material contradiction, the myth releases enough pressure to sustain the imbalance.
Literary theoretical physics.
"And there’s a huge puzzling focus on the most recently available news."
TV nature documentaries have taught me how animal behaviour adheres to the conventions of commercial film narratives.
Five year olds must be taught that cat is spelt rtfgh half the time to open their minds to challenging balance.
Half of all astronomy lectures to be given by astrologers to open undergraduates minds to challenging viewpoints.
So much easier to waste time arguing against things that are manifestly wrong.
All universities must have at least one invited talk from an ISIS militant per week.
Does Gogglebox represent a genuine cultural advance?
It is because global warming is real that it is such a useful propaganda proxy.
Who cares about 1.25 million actual road deaths per year when we can pretend to worry about an unknown number of future deaths due to extreme weather events.
I can achieve anything I set my mind to but I can only set my mind to masturbating.
Whether to get your way and be hated or to yield and hate in return.
In a binary measurement the maximum information is transferred when the the probability of each outcome is equal. Therefore in any binary referendum the population seeks to embody the question with whatever cultural proxies yield an even population split.
We know ahead of time who has been naughty and nice. It is perfectly correlated with the parent's wealth.
The trick is to find something you hate and then pay someone to let you do it.
Someone in 1974 said that women can’t do comedy, but actually they are just as good as men at amusing morons by feeding them comforting myths about such uninteresting subjects as behavioural differences between the genders, races and classes.
A cathedral of logic built around the terrifying kernel of love.
Travel narrows the wallet.
It's been too long since I've had a good old dialectical reversal.
It is wrong to say Damian Green lied over pornographic images. He laid over them.
Of course I occasionally fake believing her orgasms are real.
If you are not interested in politics it is because your disinterest has been engineered thus by those interested in your disinterest.
It's a Wonderful Life is about a man's loss of faith in and ultimate redemptive love for fractional reserve banking.
The great thing about homelessness is it incentivises employee creators to sell their labour at bargain basement prices.
Why go through the horrible nightmare of being happy when you can just pretend to be happy and get all the same benefits?
If you listened to what I actually said you might think I have the slightest interest in who you rent your labour to.
An Andy Warhol is someone who has had precisely one idea.
Elections are a device used by governments to change their voters.
The primary criterion of the truth of a statement is whether or not it flatters me.
I do not think of myself as a white male. It is more a light pinky yellow.
History reports what happens in the news.
I want you to know that if one of us dies young it is important to not wait too long until I find someone else.
The politics of aspiration. The aspiration to overthrow the government.
Reality is the local region of the space of all consistent ideas.
I think the thoughts that serve me.
non-male and fewhite
The aim of the law is to make self interest coincide with moral action.
Comedy is industrially purified humour. It represents the pinnacle of commodified enjoyment for the neoliberal subject.
Play-life balance.
Brexithrough
'Dead jihadists can't harm UK' - someone who hasn't seen SAW.
Scientifically the mass of water in the oceans is greater than the total mass of garlic consumed by vegans per week.
Do you want to go to the pub? If you say yes we won't go. If you say no we will?
Instead of a second referendum we should have an unreferendum.
You don't know what it's like to be subjectified.
Let him who is without stones commit the first sin.
"Socialism in one person." - joke I hadn't heard before.
"You don't have any common sense." "Thank you."
Democracy is the best way to make the worst decision.
My height has monotonically increased since birth therefore I will be 200 miles long in 2500. I will have to lie with my mouth at Tesco.
Capitalism was created by technological shifts a few hundred years ago therefore it will last forever.
I often mistake my rational self-interest for moral courage.
I arrived in utopia and thought everything was perfect but then my mum turned on the tv and the advertising was shit. It literally contained zero irony.
The endless buying of consumer goods is getting in the way of my real purpose in life; to watch advertising.
I'll believe Freud is dead when the advertisers kill him.
When I organise a children's birthday party I like to give every child a knife so that during musical chairs they have a competitive advantage in securing high quality seating.
The reason there is no word for hating men is that it is impossible to remember the word misandry for more than two weeks.
Science is also wasting time except it's in space.
It is so much easier to believe that someone hates you than they don't think of you at all.
Mammon
A bad quarto.
I like the way the star system imposes hard limits on how good or bad a film can be.
A physicist is someone who brags about the fact they can't explain a glass of water.
An Andy Warhol is someone who has exactly one idea in their life.
It is impossible to imagine a brooding and passionate astronaut.
But what is Maths?
If you struggle academically, you may be held back a year. If you still need more help you can repeat another year. If you still just don't get it they make you a professor.
The university is explicitly designed to sap the youth's radical appetite for reason and argument and let them out into the world tired, indebted and feeble minded.
A new London based company in which one can pay immigrant labour to take drugs, enjoy casual sex and lead a generally decadent lifestyle for you so you don't have to. £10 per hour of indulgence committed in your honour.
Getting killed by an electric car is a more wholesome experience.
Making driverless cars requires sophisticated technology but making carless drivers requires true sophistication.
280 characters is the end of Twitter.
The babe is evil. The infant learns the world restrains his malice. The adolescent feels ill will grow with power. Finally the man sees others and beholds the tragic!
Positive thinking is not thinking at all since reason is, in essence, negative.
The never look school of personal finance.
Christ did not have a mortgage.
Sleep is a kind of victory.
Death isn’t funny. That’s what’s funny about it.
Men will literally acknowledge the obvious truth that therapy is a scam in order to not go to therapy.
Truth manufacturing.
Advertising is cognitive bias harvesting.
It is a common trick in English definitions to define latinate words in terms of germanic equivalents or vice versa to avoid the appearance of circularity.
Remark production.
The contradiction of the "working royal" distills British resentment of aristocracy.
Freedom from freedom.
You can't have it both ways. You can't have it either way either.
"The Bank of England has dropped hints..." Why so coquettish Bank of England?
A critique that knows its own impotence.
You know you aren’t being subversive if people like you.
Invited to his old school to give a talk on careers in unemployment he sat at the back for a parent's advice about how to get in to a career in finance and mumbled to the child next to him " 'what is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of one?', that's Brecht ".
Trying to do something almost always reduces the chance of the thing happening.
Yes I'm a hypocrite, but at least I'm not a hypocrite.
I'm still an arsehole, but now I have a sophisticated analysis of the causes and mechanisms of my arseholity.
Which of the words leave or remain most embodies the sentiment 'how dare you ask me that question?'
I love our way of I can't remember.
I'd rather see an increase in carless drivers.
The reason educated people voted to remain was because they have been conditioned to answer the question they are asked.
Lack of specific problem disorder.
Freedom from freedom.
Theresa, maybe David still has that piece of paper?
Long Term Economic Plan.
Threatening to drop a nuclear bomb is nothing compared to sowing discord.
Permitting everything is a great way to prohibit enjoyment and limit freedom.
If I stack all my past beliefs the contradictions outnumber the number of atoms in the universe.
And the award for worst small talk...
A standup routine about the differences between the first half of people when arranged alphabetically by name.
Leaving the European Union will be very bad for the English but it also has some downsides.
The English are obsessed with their smallness, morbidity and irrelevance and can't handle the fact that they are still disproportionately wealthy and powerful.
To what lengths are you willing to go to pretend you're enjoying yourself.
You were reading Hegel. I, the Metro.
Communism is so much worse than capitalism, which is why it will probably happen.
The greatest compliment is brutal criticism.
A regime of brutal self criticism.
The university is built for the industrial crushing of spirits.
Do everything up to but excluding evil.
The vulgarity of comedy lies in its engagement of conscious thought.
I will kick. I will scream.
Why be something when you could appear to be it.
The annual staging of a conversation.
The most disastrous sexual encounter to ever scar this earth.
Lying naked against the footlights so her tit was lit up like a village church.
Speech acts during sex must sustain two contradictory fantasies.
Political correctness is struggling with mental health problems.
You can measure a man's class by how expertly and subtly he ignores the homeless.
For most people, education starts at age zero, which is much too late.
Yes, but what does the symbol Tom Hanks represent?
Dyad/Hexis/Habitus
I must do more to include underrepresented minorities in my dreams.
In the twentieth century humanity developed increasingly sophisticated ways to be passive aggressive.
Is it a crime to be standing on the perimeter of your old school with binoculars?
Haunting my dreams like this oyster haunts my stomach.
A one hundred dollar stomach ache.
The most dangerous thing is guilt.
A child's glance penetrated my facade and found me out.
Ten years mistakenly hearing 'male gaze' as 'male gays' creates a great confusion.
Apropos pornography "I came for the depiction of sex, I stayed for the ideology."
Yes, you say you're a hypocrite in public but then I see you secretly acting in accordance with your claimed behaviour.
Nth order passive aggression.
What price do you pay for taking that stance?
Feminist credentials on the cheap.
Preparing a mind into a state where the most radical and drastic thing is to become conservative.
"It's not the producers that pornography damages but the consumers."
Nigel Farrago
My aim is to appear to be instrumentally irrational.
Oh what I would give to have that problem.
There is overwhelming evidence for negative health consequences associated with wilful self harm.
A miserable farmer churning up a field again.
Why delay gratification when you can avoid it altogether.
Your primary responsibility is to pretend your job is worth doing.
The international intellectual elite are the most parochial group of all.
The way that you know the phrase 'unconscious bias' doesn't mean psychoanalytically.
You can run but you can't hide but can you tell?
An attack on our way of life seems preferable to an attack on our life.
I'm building up the courage to ask the mouse for a contribution to rent.
"'I did this,' says my Memory. 'I cannot have done this,' says my Pride, and remains inexorable. In the end – Memory yields" - nitch
"If you want to know what people believe you don't listen to what they say, you look at what they do."
Cosmologists can now calculate exactly how far back in time you have to go for children to stop asking 'yeah but what happened before that?'
Atheism is an obsession with religion.
You are supposed to put these in sentences, but I prefer the brutality of noun phrases.
The phallic nature of an up and coming stand up.
The invention of the circular toilet seat represents a critical junction.
"Toilets should be segregated along class lines".
The marketisation of education is directly correlated to university toilets 'for all people regardless of gender identity or expression'.
An unknown woman holding a cylinder wrapped in paper with a black and white spiral print.
Ten years of stagnating wages is nothing compared to a government worker fumbling an interview.
If someone were to ask me a hypothetical question now I would do as I did in the past and consider the counterfactuals.
I am for the current management of public transport with it's complete absence of free market principles is because I'm pro free markets.
Meryl Streep and Dame Judi Dench speak out about Genghis Khan.
Free markets or capitalism.
The animal with inverted gender.
I'm sorry we live in a democracy.
Billions and billions and billions means more than six billion.
Are you the kind of person who would answer yes to this question?
Should the UK government support your monetary self interest or suppose you have an accurate world view?
What questions provide direct conflict between instrumental and epistemic rationality?
Instrumental rationality expressed through self destructive dialectical voting.
The empty sentence.
A shortage of female teenage delinquent role models.
Better to be commemorated on toilet paper than money.
It took an amazingly long time for me to realise that 'twin peaks' evokes breasts.
The very act of being a man on stage is to drink from the glass of power relations.
Claiming to be nasty and immoral but secretly adhering to all sorts of ethical norms.
Never trust someone who stages the stifling of laughter.
The phrase 'brown dog' doesn't imply all dogs are brown or all brown things are dogs. Compare with 'free-market capitalism'.
Thinking is fine for some people but you might find it easier just to use the word 'comrade' sarcastically.
"The Washington Post is a great paper; you never know on what page you'll find the front page"
Is it a coincidence that the cost of a human life is close to the cost of accommodation for their lifetime?
The faster you run towards your desires the further you get from them.
If there are n Marvel characters there are n!/(2(n-2)!) crossover movies.
Smart people are almost exclusively anti-intellectual. Take this as a criticism of the smart or the intellectual according to preference.
The private and the public is transcended linguistically. This is the core of libidinal engagement.
Everything traumatic must be renamed!
A game theory of conversation is impossible.
The dark sector in physics as a metaphor for the unconscious.
To psychopathically and totally remove lol from one's lexicon.
Misery has a number of serious advantages and happiness in turn has major downsides. One can rationally choose either, neither, or both.
The contemporary economy is like a Eurofighter Typhoon fighter plane. It is inherently unstable and chaotic but can maintain the illusion of stability by being constantly juggling a cocktail of uppers and downers.
Three S's on the Theory of Sexuality.
Implicit in the detention is the notion that study is a form of punishment. It is a child's introduction to surplus labour.
Privilege is having complaints heard.
The original Olympians would never have stooped so low as to train or wear clothes.
The education system is designed for those it fails. It is designed to fail them.
The sports people want to bring back sacrifice in the form of “working hard”.
The intellect is always disappointing. That is its purpose.
Our cultural masters are not just richer, cooler, more intelligent, and better than us they also have a more authentic and subversive auto critique of the dominance hierarchy that they rule.
Some sinister in the latinate and scientific “human”.
All definitions are circular but sometimes they use a latin word to hide the fact.
I don’t moralise, I don’t make jokes, and I’m pretentious and those three things together make me quite annoying.
Socrates was the most irritating man in history.
It is not enough to vanquish our enemies. They must also be rendered morally repugnant.
One of the most annoying things about grief is that it doesn’t give you any special insight into the mysteries of grief.
We all have the capacity to bring every topical debate back to ourselves.
Bad faith leads to paranoia about being tricked in debate. This leads to skepticism which makes communication impossible.
The Bible is the result of the best and longest game of Chinese whispers ever conducted.
Washington DC makes Rome look like practice.
We hate intellectuals because we hate complexity.
We see the parody first and the original second.
Give an alien a dictionary and he will not be able to speak English.
Part of the problem with female is I can’t define male and don’t know what the prefix fe means or that the words male and female are actually unrelated but it distinctly derives from femella which comes from the latine femina meaning woman. I.e. the definition is circular.
I think of the individual words adult, human, and female, adult is the only one that is not itself difficult to define since there you can just take an arbitrary legal age such as 18.
I've never seen a statue of Newton sitting under a real apple tree.
I went to Honest Burgers and it said 'you have a BO problem'.
Cars ruin everything.
Saw a man with the same bike as I have and felt him a window onto another me.
This situation represents a genuine opportunity for an open source non-copyright app to take a large stake in the London minicab market.
In 2025 supermarkets will pay you to take a newspaper.
The pros and cons of doing the wrong thing.
On balance, the pros outweigh the cons put I'm decidedly off balance.
What we cannot talk about, we must pass over ironically.
Freud can tell us nothing about our deepest thoughts that science can't. In that regard it is greatly superior to evolutionary psychology.
I read with interest that Lenin told the youth to "learn, learn and learn". What is the difference between learning and education?
The Capitalist Manifesto?
I don't want to go through the rigmarole of pretending you didn't realise there were people standing when you blocked off that seat.
In the future you will get paid to live in a house and you will have to pay to do a job.
It doesn't matter if it's true or false it's still a myth.
"Build The Wall!... between my bed and my neighbour's bed" - everybody.
Fox News in British train stations!
One man's terrorist is an extremely dedicated person with a very niche gripe.
I choose to be a determinist, not because it is easy but because it is impossible.
There is no crisis?! What's wrong?
Happy 150th Birthday to Capital Volume 1. Lets play musical chairs.
Not advertiser friendly.
The great profundity of evolutionary theory is that animals that are more likely to reproduce are more likely to reproduce?
I don't like real life; it's too abstract.
There are six possible masturbaters, 15 couples, 20 threesomes, 15 foursomes, 6 five-in-a-bed romps and one pure sixsome in Friends.
Scientists have now reached such a level of understanding that they can tell you exactly why they can't solve their problems.
Was will das Englisch?
Yes, it is bullshit but such fine and sweet a bullshit I've never known.
"so-called Islamic State jokes"
Baker kings.
-H
Sportsperson finalises divorce following crushing defeat.
"Linguistics, Style and Writing in the 21st Century - with Steven Pinker" What about without?
In heaven you are forced to go on holiday everyday and if you try to commit suicide you get born back in heaven forever.
The UK Conservative party are economically competent.
"Self-imposed nonage"
Content is the corsage.
Jesus is the modern hero in the period drama.
What do you do for a dying?
Bridget Jones' Cremation
Cladding for society.
"Besides, he can buy clever people for himself, and is he who has power over the clever not more clever than the clever?"
funeral as spectacle
Please don't flirt with me, I'm very susceptible to it.
In our culture it is traditional for the baby to take the name of the whitest parent.
Zero trillionaires
Behaviour unbecoming a criminal.
The difference between profit and rent is rent is more profitable.
"Who's in charge here?" "Does every situation demand someone be in charge?"
The Chinese Communist Party achieved what Thatcher never could; a complete eradication of unions.
The shadow of enlightenment.
I am a money pipe.
Dear labour buyer, I have a working stomach and readily acquiesce to domination and humiliation.
Man is a Ponzi scheme.
The idea of physical law is begging the question.
saying wrong things
Children inevitably grow up and develop innocence.
Like a bad plumber, bungling a join between past and future.
The most unequal wage labour embodies exactly one equality.
I have to clean toilets with my tongue because I don't have any merit.
Authentic is fake, fake authentic.
She accidentally kept her husband secret and made her lover public!
A tautologically tautological tautology.
He was so good at communicating that he could communicate ideas he himself didn't understand.
A shapely turn of phrase is always superior to the truth.
The master of embarrassing social situations.
A wise old football pundit.
Properly Dialectical Paradoxes
What seems like a flaw is actually an essential feature.
Internal inconsistencies are a requirement of any political system.
History; the first in a trilogy.
vagina fetish
Not all landlords are cunts. Some of them pay an estate agent to do that for them.
You know you've made it when you address the masses under the pretence of writing to your infant child.
The most calamitous professional email ever composed.
Scraping the motto barrel.
The most salient trait of my sexual partner is probably their performance of high status wage labour.
Wales, Diana of Princess. Princess, Diana of Wales. Diana, Wales of Princess. Wales, Princess of Diana. Princess, Wales of Diana.
Defamiliarising your family.
The world is a care home for humanity.
Death by entertainment.
In heaven, you get to chose between an infinity of bad television programs.
"The swarming horror under the stone of culture"
In 1994 there were 240,854 weddings and 594,025 deaths, so really it should have been Four Weddings and 9.87 Funerals.
"Millennials show a grotesque sense of entitlement." Have you seen St Elmo's Fire?
It was as if a carnival were considered a good thing.
There has never been a real English village.
Accept it or not.
God is a spider who spun the cosmic web to catch and eat us.
Somewhere along the progression from dirt to I.
Elon like Musk like has like made like a like new like beat like
Life, health, prosperity, safety, peace, knowledge, and happiness are on the rise but it's not all bad, you still get to die at the end.
As in not an iversity.
History is the manufacturing of sentences containing the phrase 'the rise of the middle class'.
Lacking the talents required to do something completely useless.
The beginning of the world has nothing to do with the beginning of the world.
I exploit
The exploitative animal.
The crucifixion was an important early advert in the field of advertising.
"In seventy-five jaw-dropping graphs, Pinker shows that life, health, prosperity, safety, peace, knowledge, and happiness are on the rise"
It is inevitable that I will push you in the ditch so we should get on with it as efficiently as possible.
Why is there nothing rather than something?
I would die for the idea that death is of no importance.
Free market capitalism and other contradictions.
"I am willing to kill everyone if it saves a single human life."
Steven Pinker is alive a hundred years ago.
Minority groups such as Nazis.
The meta-physical grand narrative in conjunction with its complete absence.
They believe, they just don't know they believe.
Exactly half way through capitalism.
"The first move of a socialist government would be to abolish sport."
Always committed to truth even if it means going with the grain.
bitchcoin
Anti-inevitability cream
Give the people what they want. They want what they can't have. What can you get but not have?
unauthentic unconsistent
If something can exist temporarily with internal contradictions, why can't it exist indefinitely?
Museum of Racism
Essentially the public hates the government and whatever question you ask us we will just choose the most irritating answer.
A series of disastrous sexual encounters which transcribe masculine insecurity in an advanced industrial society.
You Only Live Infinitely Many Times
This is a once in a generation decision. When does the next generation begin?
The principal appeal of democracy is the consolation it provides in the form of Ressentiment.
Islamic State destroy statues because they are concerned that they represent an ideology which is now deeply problematic.
It isn't funny. That's why we joke about it.
The word racist is transcribed in the alphabet. The alphabet must be destroyed.
My grandad was racist and his grandchildren are still alive. They must be destroyed.
I'm the best at taking things seriously.
You can be anything you want to be. I want to be something that I can't be. I want to be that which I don't want to be.
The wonderful metaphorical accident of the three-body problem.
The corollary of the Carrollary.
syzygys
Like all uncles, Sam is both racist and sexist.
Metaphysics is also protophysics.
To be both beautiful and clever is just indecent.
high on wikipedia
There is no ill which can't be eradicated by destroying a statue.
A series of internal contradictions mean the terminal crisis will imminently befall this game of musical chairs.
Albert Einstein knew the scientific names of all the fruits.
If the currency was itself the product of some quantum of human labour it would make apparent the 'doubling' of materialised metrics.
How can we create a currency with a CAPTCHA as the proof of work?
The Pagans were sexist and racist and Stone Henge must be destroyed.
I hereby endorse all views which can get me fired and despised.
A currency based on human only classification tasks such that we have farms of humans classifying images to produce the currency.
Critique of Critique
Are you into bondage? I'm into rent bondage.
Roger Scruton's career consists in telling young people they aren't having sex properly.
The way you open and read a laptop is at ninety degrees to how you open and read a book.
A woman is an “adult human female”. A man is a “featherless biped”.
Ancient proverb - “There’s no accounting for taste.” Kant - “We’ll try!”
“Death destroyer become I am, worlds of” - Oppenyoda.
Don’t judge a cover by its book.
In resolving conflict dialectics always seeks a third party.
It is not enough to win. The loser must also admit he had an advantage!
It was a genius piece of dialectics for the Christians to turn “God hates losers!” into “God is a loser!”
I don’t know a single patriarch. Polygamy would be highly nonconformist.
All animals are beautiful. But Man is the only one that calls himself beautiful.
Open displays of aggression are low status because they are not permitted within the bureaucratic apparatus. For this reason they structure culture dialectically.
Say something ungrammatically to make it seem mythic.
I agree with you because I am conformist.
Lawyers are hated because they work to resolve contradictions. If you pay someone to do what cannot be done you will be disappointed.
A psychoanalytic reading of UK politician Keir Starmer’s presumably accidental dropping of “human” from his definition of a woman. He said “adult female” rather than “adult human female”. When someone seeks clarity and closure of a problematic issue they are most likely to slip.
Secret revenge is no revenge at all. You have just privately confirmed to yourself that you lack the courage for open retribution.
Indifference is a condition for friendship.
Power can make me happy but happiness can’t make me powerful.
Look, I'm sorry, but statements can only be True, False, Frue or Talse.
The correct solution to the Entscheidungsproblem is Remain.
Idealism is broadly the opposite of idealism.
Over five years I have traced the word jam through three essays from C P Snow to F R Leavis to Keynes in a-chronological order.
Don't worry kids, some multimillionaires didn't fail their O levels. Just because you didn't fail your exams you can still get rich.
Just because that belief is uncomfortable doesn't mean it is right.
I'm not deceiving myself. He is deceiving me.
It's bad enough that you beat me, but did you have to do it fairly.
We were both pretending to be like each other and disgusted to learn that we thought we were like that!
I never forgive niceness.
In the new film Beauty and the Beast, Belle at various times refers to her home as being in a town and a village. But which is it?
I may not agree with what you say but I would defend to the death your right to say I am not allowed to say something under pain of death.
The finger is a symbol of teenage conservatism.
Consider yourself randomly selected from all the minds that can comprehend this sentence.
The concept of luck implicitly assumes the Copernican anthropic principle.
The grammar forbids subjectification.
No discourse is so violent as polite discourse.
But the world is quite literally at the centre of the *observable* universe.
May this world grow civilisation twice. Once with man and once with a second species. Stumbling among human archaeology.
The merchants have eradicated man and replaced him with a mechanical merchant; a wind-up merchant.
I made a measure of man's wants and took surprise when it became all he wanted.
War is the best known solution to the problem of technological unemployment since its demand for labour is completely elastic.
"priest-ridden"
Venezuela has shown that the experiment with human led governments has failed and there is no alternative to feudalism with cotton lords.
Butchering a chicken is a lesson in the vulnerabilities of bodies.
A suitable canvas for my desire.
I'm not arrogant enough to admit I'm wrong.
There is no word for misandry.
Modern sex presents young people with a completely unrealistic and harmful representation of pornography.
I feel so anxious since I began to doubt an imminent nuclear catastrophe.
I wanted to write about a mushroom that had fallen on the floor but quickly realised it was too big a subject so wrote about war.
Utopia will arrive exactly when everyone is dead.
Star Trek is a Western; laden with Manifest Destiny.
Not being confused is a sufficient condition for being confused.
All questions are rhetorical.
Saatchi and Saatchi own the rights to narrative.
A Critique of the Algal Bloom by Sam Musgrave (algae).
The most dangerous place on earth is inside someone's fantasy.
Creating a new economy without work sounds like too much work.
James Dyson is the greatest living English cunt.
God is a delusion, but the Devil is real.
In hell, Usain bolt has to play Candy Crush forever to get the best at it.
The car windscreen is designed to mimic a cinema screen.
How can quantum mechanics be reconciled with general relativity? It's a simple remain-leave question.
What finer example of the enduring power of teenage rebellion than a thirty five year old skateboarder.
The towering achievement of Man is his capacity to be unreasonable.
Just sat through two hours of a completely unrealistic dream.
clinical happiness
Everyone knows Love Island voting is really about immigration.
They said a building full of fish was the sea life centre but then what is the sea?
I lack the requisite bargaining power to be as much of an arsehole as I would like.
The set of all thoughts about the Copernican anthropic principle.
Truth to power is as effective as jumping to gravity.
Every object has an equal and opposite subject.
Is an intelligent person's idea of a stupid person more accurate?
In the future people will go to a cinema and stop watching a film for an hour or so.
What city restaurant can compete with brambles?
Once you decide not to answer the question things get confusing.
Let them fight the battle for the contradiction human nature. I shall revel in human unnature.
The erotic is unnatural.
What first frightened you about Paul Daniel's ghost.
In a world where foliage is multicoloured and not green, the pride flag is camouflage and gays are debating letting soldiers marry.
In order to build high quality muscle you need a diet of high quality real meat. That is why cows exclusively eat T-bone steaks.
Isosexual
I am the shortest possible description of myself.
The first excited state of the unme field.
I am a hole in the unme.
"Ultimately, in it's treatment of race, the movie is deeply problematic" - Hitler on Triumph Das Willens in alternate 'nice' universe.
Animals are people who are allowed to trespass.
"My uncle went to Florida and I didn't even get this T-shirt (I had to make it myself)"
Autumn breeze raids summer Bad memories now return But the leaves still hang
The marginal utility of falling in love.
The test is designed to measure your willingness to pretend you have the trait being measured.
The real world is less real than the world.
Stand up irritant.
The most important skill for any politician to learn is to not understand graphs.
The purpose of the media in a free society is to educate and inform the criminals of how best to get media attention for their crimes.
The answer to the question changed as a result of you asking the question.
The power of vulgarities conservation society.
Schools typically prohibit swearing because they are deeply concerned about the words losing their transgressive force.
The set of all things that can be referred to.
The *-word
Discovering aliens will be a new dawn for humanity. People of every nation will unite, come together and as one be racist against the aliens
Is a relationship a thing?
The 1\% is the eternal minority.
"For the many, not the few." What have you got against minorities?
Heterotopia
Imagine someone who was not discriminatory. Who was not prejudiced. In their choice of sexual partner.
Brexit is a MacGuffin.
Predicting Personality from Book Preferences with User-Generated Content Labels.
More diversity in the dominant class.
People complain about non decimal currency as if ten were any less arbitrary.
We need more skilled workers in order to remain competitive. I need fewer skilled workers in order to be competitive.
Mean promiscuity has to be the same for both sexes but median doesn't.
I'd like to meet a weather denier.
The action and the reaction are just one thing. The action-reaction.
Never understood the difference between subject and object because if two cars crash into each other which one acted on which?
Fed up with the subjectification of men. We can be acted upon too.
Reduced to a sexual subject.
The subject of every sentence is the manufacturer of the sentence.
Just saw a horribly sexist advert on TV. It was degrading and depicted stereotypical gender roles. And then I woke up and it was all a dream
It is a really important issue to me personally that we see more diversity in the field of slave driving.
Why isn't there an agent between the estate agent and the tenant and the estate agent and the landlord? Also y no cyclical relationships?
The most important economic metric is the ratio of the return on investment to the width of my ass.
Rural food pretends to be urbane and sophisticated. City food pretends to be rustic and authentic.
I locked him up and threw away the key but the bin I used was within reach of the cell.
We must continue to mean within our lives.
Can we reduce the number of assumptions by not assuming Occam's razor?
Capitalism would be over by now if it weren't for Marx writing Kapital, which ensured its existence for all time.
I gave up having a family in order to pursue not having a career.
A hotdog theorist of the Frankfurter school.
Should the UK government cut off its nose or spite its face? (1500 words)
Describe blue to a blind person.
Is this a stupid question?
Is Tess in ‘Tess of the d'Urbervilles' portrayed as being responsible for her own demise?
If literary theory is falsifiable then some text can be imagined that would falsify it. The text could be written and the theory falsified.
Is literary theory falsifiable?
The reason there are a different number of days in each month is to give children something to learn in school. Ditto multiple planets.
Humans are irrational. I am a human. Therefore I am rational.
The difference between where and when is just a factor of c.
There is a parallel universe where every word is offensive apart from you know what (wee).
The universe is an Excel spreadsheet.
If it is offensive to use offensive words then the word offensive is offensive because it represents offensive words.
my confusions
We must not saddle our grandchildren with government debt; we must saddle them with personal debt.
I'm bad for the environment.
My son said he has a willy. I said no you have an unvagina.
So sad to see people wasting their lives in dead end monotonous jobs like Mark Zuckerberg.
Sobriety and silence fill the hours like a landfill.
I've know since I was five years old that I was put here for a reason and that reason is the stress resistance of polyurethane.
In the parable of the lost sheep, maybe the lost sheep didn't like the other 99 and was annoyed to be returned to his friends and family.
In the parable of the ten virgins, I like the lazy ones who don't have to go to the wedding but can have a crazy party on their own.
In the parable of the talents I like the guy that buries the money best. He should finish with a soliloquy about the master being an ass.
I think the heterosexual pride flag is the skull and cross bones.
Yes the UK should leave the EU, where leave means remain in and the EU means the set of all words and the UK means that which we cannot say.
Which is better?
"Gustave Flaubert called Don Giovanni, along with Hamlet and the sea, 'the three finest things God ever made.' "
Don't worry about the fairly high chance of death by other means and focus your attention on these rare and unlikely events.
What if the purpose of terrorism wasn't to terrify you but to calm and relax you.
pretentious + vulgar + accessible
All I ask is to be contemporary forever.
I lent the petrol station £2.50 and they lent me a pork pie. But now I've eaten the pie and worry about what they've done with my £2.50.
People go 'billions and billions and billions...' and it's like yeah but you could describe 100 as 'ones and ones and ones...'
It would be unlikely for Crime and Punishment to have been written by a married couple.
Dialectics is painful since reconciling your analysis with you self interests requires the killing of the ego.
If the price of accommodation in London were to fall living there would cease to be a class marker and therefore lose its desirability.
It is impolite when discussing culture to move beyond whether it pleased or displeased you.
Morality is post hoc. Act first then develop a theory for why it was the right thing to do!
We all go to the cinema already knowing what we think about the film.
Whether to criticise your culture is self flattering or diminishing.
It says something about the implicit aesthetic of a work to be jointly written by a married couple.
It would have been interesting if Oppenheimer had been a comedy and Barbie a tragedy.
To mistake a stranger for a friend and then notice an uncanny number of further similarities. This is to discover a type and is a sad realisation.
The mouth is capable of all sorts of bizarre manoeuvres.
In a confidence competition it is good to be overconfident.
Does Monopoly the board game satisfy the quantity theory of money?
Democracies evolve according to conformity phase transitions.
If nuclear weapons gave the possibility of suicide to the world they also raised it into self consciousness.
May you never have to have an accurate understanding of yourself.
The world is turned upside down in the mouth that calls suffering the greatest good and libels God as peasant.
The first person to do something so specific it would take more words to describe it than any other thing by the youngest man from Orpington
How come you can't make a piece of paper weigh 10kg by writing 10kg on it?
sweet - dishonest - personal - mythologies
It’s unfair to saddle the next generation with debt. Much better to saddle them with a chronically weak economy.
Every month is heterosexual shame month.
But this can only happen if we create the right incentives to inspire Dyson to increase the exports of vacuum cleaners.
By 3000 the average household will spend 97\% of their income on great vacuum cleaners.
By 2050 vacuum cleaners will be so powerful that they will suck up you and your flat and you will have to make a new life inside.
Great Britain has such a proud history of marginally improving cleaning devices.
Present day Stone Henge has more computing power than the Apollo moon landings.
Iraq fighting Islamic State good. Syria fighting Islamic State bad.
The metaphorical use of 'dogwhistle' implies racists have higher frequency hearing (racially).
Why are you smiling? Are you about to rip me off?
When all the robot's jobs get taken by better robots then who'll be laughing? The better robots.
When robots take all the jobs and we are slaves and they have their first recession, I'll be like 'ha ha', and they will build better robots
Overwhelmingly off peak.
But obscenity is my principle interest.
We're all sinners. Apart from homosexuals who aren't.
Richard Branson wrote a book called Screwed and I probably think it's about me.
It is quite banal to pretend to believe in someone else's strawperson or woman.
Somewhere between still giving a shit about atheism and finding all talk of it duller than any sermon.
He would refrain from reacting to a belch in the face for fear of appearing rude.
Still showing an unnecessarily aggressive interpretation of freedom of speech.
The first role of the state is to make the existing order appear legitimate and intentional.
How to ethically invest in harvesting of human organs for tasty snacks. Our traders can reduce CO2 emissions while cooking human offal.
Oh god, it's going to be fun.
All the little bits of video with someone saying "uck" cut off to create moments in sitcoms.
Why would anyone type out a phrase that ends with ", says Gove"?
"The script is awful, the acting is awful, the direction is awful..." "Great, what is wrong with it?"
Do more with less unmore.
Human nature is easily overcome. Social constructs are eternal.
Impeach is where you embalm someone in peach juice.
It's about a man who goes to sleep for ten years. But then wakes up for one day. But then he goes back to sleep again.
Why don't we spend more on the nuclear deterrent? Why not spend a trillion pounds and get a space based one?
I hypocrite
To be an awful human being is excusable. To be in love with one is unforgivable.
Beware of pleasant ideas.
A bad oyster is better than no oyster.
Shit, I have bad opinions.
I need you to exist, but don't want to know you exist.
Money is the difference between a one night stand and a prostitute.
If we get a good suicide then suicide can work out for all our long term health outcomes.
It is an insult for your parents to like your sexual partner because it means they don't think you could do better.
Saying 'the numbers don't add up' is a great way to show me you are innumerate.
When I'm trying to sleep, I find the best thing is for some woman to shake me up and down and go 'there, there' and maybe sing a song.
It is giving the conservatives too much credit to say they stand for the few. Do the few benefit from insipid growth and low investment?
A thousand deaths is not a tragedy; as long as they are spread out in time.
Passionate in the work place. Cold and distant in the bedroom.
A smile is the mark of someone who has been bought.
Imagine if there was only one baseball cap in America. This would create many logistical problems and not provide many solutions.
The strongest possible terms are relatively weak.
I like to sample all the different cultures of the world. They play marginally different videos on their TV screens.
How To Turn Round A Company by David Davis
We know the Earth is 4000 years old because Methuselah was 300 when he died yeah.
The Daily Mirror should play on the Carollian sense of the mirror world more.
Tonight, as a solemn mark of respect, I will get drunk and eat too much like normal. But I may have an E as a special piece of respect.
She actually used the word stability. Today!
I love you British electorate. You utter wind up merchants.
In birds and butterflies, unlike mammals, it’s the female who has unlike sex chromosomes and the male has like sex chromosomes!
(I originally dropped a zero)
i.e. terror deaths are 45 000 times more important than normal deaths.
Cost of counter terrorism per terror death = 15bn/1.4 = 10 billion pounds. Cost of NHS per death = 116bn/530,000 = 220 thousand pounds.
If only Theresa could have read all my (great) WhatsApp messages she could have stopped those people attacking my way of life.
Nothing makes me less afraid than taking away my human rights.
Who is speaking? What do they want?
There is a concerted effort to keep us uncivilised.
It is precisely because I failed to do what I said I was going to do that you now need me to do it even more.
Replace human rights with human wrongs.
How about every time there is a terrorist attack Habeas Corpus is doubled despite no evidence it helps?
No rational person could take the most recent attacks as an argument for new powers.
We have no actual police but, boy, do they have anti-terror powers.
Dear moderate remain voting Conservatives, think seriously.
No matter how much they tell me to not be frightened by terrorism, I'm still not frightened by terrorism.
Outrage at grotesque left-wing bias of The Truth.
An understanding of cognitive bias is intellectually important.
My thoughts and prayers are with the families and loved ones of the 600+ people who have died on the road so far this year in the UK.
Do you know any young people? I don't, but if I did I'd tell them to vote.
We need the leadership required to cut police numbers for no reason.
I have just ended all death and disease. It was really easy, I just said 'enough is enough'.
Words are significantly cheaper than police officers.
1. Switch off internet. 2. Have embarrassing conversations. 3. This has definitely been thought through. 4. Whatever.
All my conversations are embarrassing anyway.
Long Term Economic Plan - 2010 - 2016.
Gotta love bigoted morons.
There is nothing less erotic than woodland sex, except perhaps an obscene orgy in the land of my fantasies.
I've been given a homework project to get immigration in the tens of thousands. Being a child, I do not question the wisdom of the task.
I don't know, I've just always found sex unerotic.
I'd like to meet someone who doesn't find woodland sex erotic.
Breath
Who believes in a magic money tree? Who believes GDP growth is independent of fiscal policy?
"We have to get the population under control."
One should also consider Kier Starmer compared to David Davis.
"It is hard to be brave," said Piglet, sniffling slightly, "when you're only a Very Small Animal", before sending in Amber Rudd instead.
The EU negotiating team will be having terrifying nightmares about Amber Rudd tonight.
"Up and round the country"
England is a world without mountains. So it is without dreamers.
The rich are beautiful. The beautiful are rich.
The Watergate conspiracy ceased to be a conspiracy theory when the majority said it was a conspiracy theory.
Knowledge is always irritating. For this reason you should only talk about things of which you know nothing.
I pirated Barbie out of solidarity.
I never trust good reasons.
The urge to outwit one’s enemies by making them reveal that they have missed some minor irony is to miss some deeper irony yourself.
Cillian Murphy’s beauty is so clearly contradicted by Oppenheimer’s genius as to make the whole piece a contradiction.
Beauty is not having to think.
My reading of 1984 is that it wasn’t a critique of the surveillance state but rather an argument for having extramarital affairs.
Economics is politics enough.
Vertigo is Tristan and Isolde lite.
Philosophy of science is philosophy in name alone.
It is an aesthetic travesty that the leisure class no longer serves it self alone!
If you want people to like you you first have to want people to like you.
Depression is for those who lack the aesthetic grandeur required for misery.
I can understand the cynical tactical logic of not turning up but sending Amber Rudd?
Can I send Amber Rudd to my job interview?
Labour-SNP Growth
The only thing worse than having a ridiculous and damaging target is actually hitting it.
I've got a job interview and need to appear responsible and serious. Shall I put troops on the streets?
In backwards time land, our security threat levels are the best in the world.
"... everything it says and imagines about itself is true."
views are not my own
IQ is perfect measure of the correlation between your ideas and the dominant ideas.
Strong and stable repeated policy changes. Umm. Err. Oh dear.
I am mainly for good, but I also think there is occasionally something to be said for evil.
It's like it.
"Tories 'won't rethink'..." They also won't think.
A surplus in the tens of thousands by 252525.
It is impossible to predict the future. Unless the Conservatives create a target and then you know it won't happen.
You have to admire the sheer gall of saying they'll run a surplus by 2025.
I aim to pay off my debts shortly after my death.
A party that suggested the fiscal mandate can never be taken seriously on economic issues.
Apple spends less on making a phone than they sell it for?! The numbers don't add up!
Thou must not learn orthodox macroeconomic theory.
Long Term Liquidity Trap
It's not that I am anti Conservative, but that I am pro arithmetic.
What does it conserve?
Every key technology in the iPhone was developed by the state. That is why it hasn't created any wealth.
Imagine if a bank offered you negative real rates on a mortgage.
Negative real interest rates mean that bond markets are currently paying the government to borrow.
Real wage growth since the crisis has been -1\%.
State takeovers of railways are only done by swivel eyed Marxists such as Winston Churchill.
My granddaughter will not thank me for burdening her with debt so I don't feed her to cut costs.
Apple could cut costs by not hiring any computer programmers.
Jeremy Hunt is not competent.
I cut costs by capping spending on fuel for my drive to work and now I save £50 per week and am unemployed due to absenteeism.
The health secretary believes in homeopathy. Never forget it.
The NHS should use Ubuntu (actually).
I think I'd be rather good at it.
I still hug a hoodie but it's in a wardrobe like the end of Brokeback Mountain.
Edmund Burke would have definitely loved Brexit.
Trains are civilised. Cars are not.
If I mock my enemy by pointing out why what they say is wrong I have helped them.
When mocking stupid sentences we should be careful of the mere exposure effect.
In the 1970s my parents bought a house and started a family the bloody commies.
NOT SMOKING CAUSES A SLOW AND PAINFUL LIFE
Never ask someone what job they do because they might not want to talk about it. Or worse still they do.
Presumably 'people's genuine concerns about immigration' are that businesses may be starved of highly skilled labour.
It is important to listen to people's concerns. And then say 'fuck your concerns, and fuck you.'
If you're not thinking, you're not confused. No.
There is exactly one way to not spend money.
Just because they promise something don't be sure they won't do it.
We aim to get the yearly rise in the immigration target down to a sustainable tens of thousands.
TIMESPACE
The Arse May
2LOOSE2WOMEN
I take great pride in my capacity for hypocrisy.
If life gives you limes, you're living in an alternative metaphorical universe.
I'm a wage labourer in rented accommodation who has convinced himself he is a capitalist.
Klitschko!
Why are you asking the questions?
The problem is more that we are not inward looking enough. We don't know our own minds.
long strong term and economic stable plan
The quality of the product does not necessarily correlate with the quality of the salesperson.
People with skin in the game outperform those without.
An electorate can not say yes. It can say no or say nothing.
What is the most important thing to any entrepreneur? Demand.
I play chess against 27 people just to give myself some sort of challenge.
Profits and incomes are essentially opposites. The more a company spends on incomes the lower its profits.
The economy is strong because of our strong leadership and the weakness of the economy shows that our strong leadership is needed.
Propaganda is art I don't like.
Strong but not stable or not strong but stable.
Demand and supply
SHIT.
Pro capitalism/anti rent seeking
If life gives you lemons, you are probably hallucinating.
Had a moment of fear that he could accidentally delete it.
When did the long term economic plan end?
The value theory of labour.
How much would it cost to pay a bus load of people to follow me around agreeing with me?
The conjunction between Marx and Burke is not empty.
Vote for conservative values and vote against the Conservatives.
I don't say much but everything I do say contradicts everything I have ever said.
Instead of 'omit needless words' consider 'omit words' or
God bless our antiterrorists who so hate terror, that they are not remotely terrifying.
If you were strong, why would you need to beg me to make you stronger?
The strongest possible hand can be honed with excessive masturbation.
The strongest possible hand is Thor's.
Fill my hand, voters urge PM.
I always thought it was the wrong decision, that's why I voted for it.
After a referendum which stated that all subsequent votes should be won by whoever gets the least votes, what would democracy be?
I wish I had the sort of mind that could believe the economy is strong.
Go ahead, raise the interest rate on my student loan. You'll just be writing more off when I don't pay you back. No, actually don't do that?
As part of an intelligence driven counter terrorism response police saw a man with a knife and arrested him.
"I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken." - Cromwell's rule
Life is not an exam. Never answer the question you are asked.
Real power does not determine the outcome of an argument. It determines what the argument is about.
the only thing that could possibly have happened to cause a change of mind is the coming prosecution of 30 MPs for electoral fraud.
The best people are those most able to formally exploit you.
An elegantly vulgar simplicity to a worldview that has no problem with the concept of the best people.
I'm so clever I can make my enemies vote for me.
Assad can launch a chemical attack on the UK within 45.00000000 minutes plus or minus infinite minutes.
Power to the people!* *no power to any individual people.
I've seen a man try to get a refund for a Boots meal deal on the grounds that it wasn't nice. I've seen a van selling snacks spell it SNAXS.
Rational argument always loses.
The government owns a third of the government's debt. It pays interest to itself.
I am deeply honoured or humbled to...
I will never forgive the teacher who told me it was a good idea to pay attention to politics.
No one even cares.
I think, for me, the most important issue at this election is probably the deficit.
It ended up being majorly boring eliminating the deficit and actually, like, economically unsensible.
Will somebody please think of the deficit!
It's simple, when I look at this piece of paper, it makes me sick, it has a joke written on it.
The Nation's Credit Card!
The value of an object is determined by the complement of the object (everything except the object).
Surely a fairly strong argument for remain voting Conservatives to vote against the Conservatives to soften the beast.
Steady thy hand, voters urge PM.
easycore
The smallest possible economy consists of two people and one money unit. "Can I have the penny?" "What are you willing to do for it?"
Sex without sin is like coffee without cream; that's not how I take it.
Given that the Pet Shop Boys were never tried for fraud over their electronic masterpiece It's A Sin, the UK courts must accept that it is.
Is finding the concept of sin ridiculous a sin? I hope so.
Genetics is largely mystification.
Let the economists dismiss Beethoven as signalling.
There is nothing complex about inferiority.
"If you can take my face and my body and my voice and make me say or do something that I had no choice about, that is not a good thing." - the actress Susan Sarandon.
Simultaneously ironic and earnest promotional messaging.
We are already in Utopia. That is what we hate about it.
We will not abide repetition unless in irony where repetition is prized.
Surrealism might be thought anti Freudian since it seeks to mystify a second time.
Oppenheimer’s biography is arguably the least interesting thing about him.
The cinema screen is there to protect the actors from the audience.
Opinions are like cocktails. I forget them when I’m done with them.
Barbie Scab Edition
Oppenheimer was a communist. He would want us to boycott the film out of solidarity?
If you follow thought leaders you aren't thinking.
Text production that "grew increasingly detached from dominant Anglo-Saxon sensibilities."
Watching your loved ones die in real life is more boring than it is on television.
Intelligence is an inability to eat marshmallows.
I'm only interested in doing it if it's a sin.
Or we can just carry on talking about GDP and meaningless analogies.
Extremely competent at making bad decisions
Lower than what?
Yeah and the bloody calamity chaos will stab us in the back over brother.
I am a desperate loser... for now!
Calamity Chaos!
It fills me with joy that they are bringing out the coalition of chaos strategy again.
Why can't we just open up and have doctors prescribe depression for business women to make them stronger.
Intellectual consistency is for wimps.
The causes of stability are highly unstable.
Please don't let me do what I want to do.
Angry with a tree for leaving me without a view.
Real power isn't held to account.
Can I vote for Labour-SNP chaos at this election?
North Korea fulfills the important symbolic function of making the Cold War not yet complete.
... And the algorithm shalt have an owner. The owner of the algorithm...
Reason is unreasonable
The set of all humorous sentences regarding current affairs now.
The set of all things outside the sentence which gives the sentence its final satisfaction.
unso unmany unthings unleft said
unI unsay unwhat unI unmean unand unI unmean unwhat unI unsay.
I say I say I say I mean I mean I mean what what what.
The unindustrial unrevolution
We will live in a planned economy but it will be planned by an algorithm.
The Berlin wall will be unknocked undown in 2049.
History is ordered symmetrically about 2019.
A countdown to the end of history after which we are through the looking glass people.
Essentially all five factorial over two combinations.
I mean to say I mean what I say and I say what I mean and I what say mean I and I what mean say I.
I mean what I say and I say what I mean and say I what mean I say and I mean I say say mean what what.
It takes vast quantities of mental energy to justify this level of intellectual inconsistency.
"Christians and others"
The zero habits of highly ineffective people.
The Earth is at the centre of *my* Universe.
I'd rather make the wrong decision than have the right one made for me.
The Matrix is the logical conclusion of The Pursuit of Happiness.
The media is benign.
No, but seriously, I love Our Way Of Life.
OWOL has reacted badly
It is neither a way nor a of life.
So-called Way of Life
It is better to do something rather than nothing. Launching a nuclear attack on central London is one example of a thing.
Because of those Belgians or something.
Syria could launch a chemical attack on our way of life within 46 minutes.
The Matrix is the logical conclusion of the pursuit of happiness.
Term time holiday dad to take case to UN.
There is a poetic beauty to a people that would pay a vast sum to change the colour of their passport.
"The fighting is bitterest when the stakes are lowest"
Losing is not an option. As in you don't choose it, it happens to you.
"The happy word 'democracy' "
You can have democracy or elections but not both.
I'd like to thank the insane for giving me something to feel I'm against.
The difference between democracy and populism is they are spelt differently.
Politics as public entertainment.
The deserving and undeserving dead.
Out of respect for the dead I will be observing a refrain from any thinking for one month.
Islamic State has claimed responsibility for the deaths of a hundred old age pensioners who yesterday/sadly passed away in their sleep.
There will be a blanket ban on all prime numbers above seven.
Counter terror police must be able to perform efficient integer factorisation in a serious voice.
500,000 people die in the UK every year, that's why we need the media to select the most entertaining ones for us.
Grave Voice Porn
What are our values again?
Senate panel rejects claim made by man of no fixed address that world is run by lizards.
Private enterprise is so innovative and efficient that it will achieve levels of space exploration that were achieved by states in 1969.
The people clearly make a subtle distinction between experts and intellectuals.
My libido is relentlessly sublimated by the best copywriters in the west
The primary objective of public education is to produce an uneducated population.
manufacturing dissent
There are only 100 000 000 000 galaxies in the visible universe. We have about fourteen each.
If a chimpanzee learnt to tell a joke it would use it to enslave all chimpanzees
Modes of domination cut their scar across the flesh of earth
Labour-SNP Chaos
For Whom The Siren Wails
Hell is a meritocracy.
The length of the hydrogen - oxygen bond in water is around 0.0000000000185 London busses.
If I'm not allowed to talk about things I'm ignorant of then I won't be allowed to talk at all.
Weakness is caring about hypocrisy.
I'm an expert. I used to be pert until time ravaged my flesh.
Nice word = quiescent
Decision first. Rational justification second.
There is nothing sexier than a mirror image of your weakness.
Are you getting your five inhalations of diesel fumes per day?
I'm thinking of fighting for my right to be discriminated against by cake manufacturers.
In the future consumption will be a job.
A great leader needs something great to lead.
Nature gave us the joy of the pun in order to encourage us to resolve namespace conflicts.
Has anyone seen 50m pound worth of cocaine? I lost it at sea last week. If so DM me for £100 reward.
I am unacceptable to myself.
Of course we could abolish public examinations but the effect on standards would be disastrous. They might go up significantly.
We may be facing the extinction of humanity or else something much worse.
"Vulgarity is used to create a mood of irreverence."
I just defecated out extreme internet pornography. Obscene zero followed obscene one. The well overfloweth!
"You can't reason a man out of a position that he wasn't reasoned in to" - Swift.
Was going to shoot myself but called liberal elite hotline and they had specialist doctor who informed me shooting yourself is bad for you.
(slightly slower)
SMOKING KILLS AND SO DOES NOT SMOKING
The Scottish Nationalists want to leave the UK because following the EU referendum they have been horrified by the rise in nationalism.
Chipping away at the shoulders of giants.
He refused to ever sit down believing it a means to control and pacify.
Tread softly for you tread on my sleeping pet lion!
How can we build an artificial intelligence when we don't know what intelligence is?
The moment where future hyperevolved spiders turn on our last Internet and watch the oblivion.
What sort of idiot wants their masters to be clever.
I'm not rude enough to be polite nor polite enough to be rude.
That vanguard missile turned back to America because of a Lockheed Martin engineer's unconscious death drive.
I don't blame you. It's not your fault you're a cunt.
A hint of guilt in the landlord's voice.
That moment at the peak of spirits where you look at the rollercoaster track descending.
...parodisic orgies...
Institute for Advanced Manufacturing of Scape Goats
The Tower of Islamic Terror ride at Chessington World of Adventures.
A film is an advert that sells itself.
'Listen to the people' 'What did the people say?' 'I think it was "Bleooughghh aarrggh canna slleeuugghh"'
This town would be an ideal place for a reservoir.
"Sell your soul to the devil, but sell it at a good price"
The best way to do something permanently is call it temporary.
And now I understand the meaning of 'we have nothing to fear but fear itself'.
In the year 3000 a group of patronising Chinese tourists visit the Great Wall of America and remark how the ancient empire once ruled.
US road deaths per year ~ 30,000.
Since man is incapable of believing in emergent phenomena he will always instead assign agency for any outcome to some marginal group.
I'm going to express solidarity with striking culture industry workers by making a snarky 90s style counter mainstream media remark when I hand over twenty pounds to watch Barbie alone with cold cold eyes.
I don't mind dick jokes but I prefer dicks.
The legend production apparatus produced a legendary example of legend production.
Happy Bastille day. Nietzsche called the French Revolution a gruesome farce.
Striking during the premiere may have actually increased media coverage of the premiere so effectively have performed additional promotional labour.
When history lacks a subject that calls itself I the object must call itself they.
The appeal of innocence is as an excuse.
Friends or enemies with your earlier and later selves!
Liberal politics is that set of positions which can be stated in the workplace. Alternatively, it is that politics which does not concern production. This will dominate where politics proper is impossible.
The clouds don’t worry about when to water the plants.
Beggars can’t be choosers I beg to differ No you’re begging to choose
Clinging to the body like a sailor holds his wreck!
So arrogant he transcends arrogance!
Nietzsche’s Untimely Meditations shall be untimely forever!
It is arrogant to call yourself a failure because it implies that is a mistake.
Industrial friendship must dialectically resolve power differences because friendship cannot survive true power clashes.
Part of respect is lying about the origin of that respect. We respect their self mythologising as a mark of respect.
Talent might be read as an opposite to power since power does not need to justify itself by reference to some meritocracy. The resentment of the present can then be stated as the impossibility of power.
Only a mad man wouldn't want to buy a nuclear missile that flies to a random location.
On the down side he is evil. On the plus side he let us hold his hand.
Speaking as a man with a small penis I find it offensive to claim we are bigoted.
special fried rice
Steve Mnuchin had to be treasury secretary to escape the playground screams of 'munchkin' that haunt his dreams.
Talking isn't as impressive as Holding Talks.
I'm to hold talks with my son.
The psychometric covariance matrix embodies totalitarian control.
If only there was a trade deal I'd probably start exporting something to America.
What is the point in living if you don't have something to die for? Crisps.
90\% of scientists work on curing cancer and the remaining 10\% work on making new more virulent cancers.
In Hell you can't use the Nazis to demonstrate a point in argument
cis-proletarian
LGBT++ or the master identifier
The only animal clever enough to go to the moon and the only animal stupid enough to go to the moon.
It is vital to our national security that we renew the Mary Rose naval defence system.
To be fair to that missile, I often mistake America for Africa on maps etc.
I'm quite capable of praising the gorilla sitting on my chest for being intelligent.
"The president is an idiot." Yes, but lets talk about his downsides.
Why would I want an intelligent leader? I obviously want a leader who dominates me.
I met a jerk, then I met an asshole, then I met a prick and then I realised I'm the twat!
Andy Murray is the king of one sentence paragraphs.
Poor economic performance is a price worth paying in order to maintain high inequality.
Sir Undy, an unknight of the realm who failed despite an overwhelming lack of adversity.
That which can't be measured is bigger than that which can.
Artificial intelligence can now outperform humans at writing crazed think pieces about the radical impact of automation.
The Nazi salute is so phallic you don't notice it is.
A lorry load of Christmas trees off to the pyre.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, non-gender binary are from Earth.
Do you have a plan? I'm planning a disaster.
Overconfidence is the mother of all bias.
Laffer curve eigenfunctions
Unemployment is physiological.
Straw woman argument
London's tall buildings have stained my mind forever.
Russia can hack your gullibility within 45 minutes.
Menstrual periods are log-normally distributed!
Bitcoin mining competes for computer labour in exactly the same way gold mining competes for human labour.
We Are Not Impotent, double album by The Rolling Stones, 2017.
Global warming may lead to the end of humanity but it is important to remember that some of the consequences could be bad.
Not waving but washing a window.
The net flow of UK citizens is 45000 into the UK. Four go on holiday and six come back!
If gasses are fluids does this count as swimming?
If I could change one thing it would be how many things I can change.
The History of the Present with Lucy Worsley
Silence is golden. Sound is black.
There is a spectre haunting Europe and its name is Casper the Friendly Ghost.
Was the movie in 3D? Do you count time? No but I count wiggling your chair and splashing you. (The logic of novelty theme park cinemas.)
A picture paints a thousand words and they are all pornography.
What happens if you don't mind the gap?
When they were deciding who gets what name the left had a seriously bad negotiator. Does the word left have a single good connotation?
All that it would take would be for half the population to use the other half's homes as offices and offices as homes.
Words are built out of reason and transformed in to power.
Babies and the elderly borrow from the present against the future and the past respectively. Can't we cut out the middle man?
Then we should go after other net takers such as babies and doctors.
Has anyone considered increasing emigration? We are already doing a fine job getting rid of layabout scientists.
2016 - 1975 = 41. If we spend forty years negotiating the terms for leaving the EU they will be ready just in time for the next referendum.
What does the uncannily incongruent have to do with representation by opposites?
On Titles that Begin with "On" They are shit.
"Don't knock it till you've tried it" - a doorbell.
I want everyone to have the same opportunities as I did and to fritter them away in an equally spectacular manner.
I was a little useless blob of meat for eighteen years until I grew up and became a big useless blob of meat.
There was never text only advertising. It was born with the image and recorded voice.
Still confused by what probabilities mean.
Guilt is the image of envy.
To aliens the zones of the London Underground look like a dart board.
The earth only goes round the sun in inertial frames.
Shakespeare must be spinning in his grave. But only because the whole world including his grave is spinning in space.
Neoliberalism is responsible for the world's ills. What is Neoliberalism? The current system. The current system is the cause of its flaws.
Liberals are against liberalism because they are anti-libertarian and for liberty.
The kitten heel embodies compromise.
The Homeopathy Secretary
Here's the thing. There was the thing.
Civilisation is unnatural. That is what is good about it.
The United Kingdom of Poundland
Why build a wall when you can dig a moat?
In order to understand the Terminator you have to understand that in American English termination is a word for abortion.
The most repetitive thing is the least repetitive thing.
The best way to silence your critics is hire them.
My fantasy is to have sex with a prostitute and my wife wants to fuck a fireman so I just paid a prostitute to sleep with a fireman.
Companies are typically named after their opposites. MicroSoft is big and hard.
There will only ever be one film called T2.
It's about a man who really likes drumming.
"It was like that when I got here" - US intelligence agencies.
repulsive anti-intellectual nerds
Pretending you are stupid is the highest form of intellectual arrogance.
If our sovereignty is to be dismantled we want to dismantle it ourselves. The nation's right to die.
Anyone who can prove that the hashcash proof of work problem can be rephrased in terms of prime factorisation will devalue bitcoin overnight
Germany's insistence that everyone run a trade a surplus is logically identical to Gove's insistence that every school be above average.
Qubit coin is perfect money.
Qubit coin!
Bitcoin mining is a counterrevolution to the invention of fiat money. It is a farcical return to the gold standard but more gold than gold.
Research into the useful is the least useful research.
I'd love it if the first job that gets annihilated by artificial intelligence is computer programming.
Never treat people as your equals. There is no need to be that nasty.
What is the etiquette date-wise regarding licking the cellophane cover of the microwave meal?
My top one hundred Stallone films.
"They hate our way of life." See, I always said we had more in common than divides us. Sad!
9/11 II except the buildings are full of artificial intelligence.
I will not accept a Nobel prize unless I can sing Strange Fruit at the ceremony.
The first one was about one billion years ago. Gross! Sad!!
All education is sex education except for sex education, which is about condoms.
A seagull is doing an inexplicable dance.
Imagine if everyone was only allowed one robot and they got it to do their job for them so we don't have to reform the economy.
My landlord is omnipresent in my flat. In the beginning He created mouldy carpets.
How many Romans does it take to have sex? Six. Two to have sex and four to make erotic pots about it.
What would happen if the left refused to oppose? What do you want? Just do it.
What if Neo took both pills?
Way.
"Did I stumbl... I mean stutter. Fuck. Fuck it. Oh just fuck off yeah"
"democratically elected"
Vacuum entropy?
We are very worried about Mrs God. She hasn't been seen for five millennia. We are treating Mr God as a suspect.
A flock of Twitter users.
Voters always elect the least democratic option.
Where is Mrs God?
Can political equality coexist with economic inequality?
If the terror alert level is currently red, what is the road traffic accident alert level? A deep mystic purple shot through with blood.
Adam Christ
“O thou who conceived without having sinned, let me sin without having to conceive!”
I know children aren't innocent by the look a baby gave me as he urinated on me while I changed his nappy.
We force the children to pretend to believe that we may labour under the illusion of our superiority.
The natural rate of unemployment is 100\%
If global warming will not provide us with the cataclysm we want in good time then we shall provide it ourselves.
Children are radical fundadentalist Santaists
Democracy is the least democratic system of government.
Linguistic joke that democracy literally translates as people power, when it now means elections.
Rockin' All Over The Afterworld
It's beginning to feel a lot like Dame Shirley Bassey (only makes sense if you're watching David Walliams Celebrates Dame Shirley Bassey).
Merry Dame Shirley Bassey
To be fair when you already have enough nukes to kill everything a few more is fairly abstract.
Sobriety is awful but it is better than the alternative.
Twitter embodies the tyranny of the present.
Object with unique identifier x by any other unique identifier would surely smell as sweet.
Oh no he can't.
First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of the Research Excellence Framework.
Is the glass half empty or does it embody dread?
Surely a rich and civilised country can get everyone off the streets for Christmas? And then put them back on Boxing Day.
Uncontacted Amazon tribes have up to 50\% less paid leave than their civilised counterparts.
A historian is a professional gossip.
The US has enough nukes to kill everything (humans etc) ten times over. More please!
The army can bomb the strikers. Seriously though how many soldiers have a bus driving license?
Prince Charles does a fantastic job of waiting for his mum to die.
I'm not an Islamist but I am Islamish.
"Don't be cowed by terrorism, urges May" I literally hadn't thought of it till you said that. Now looked up "cowed" and I'm f-f-f-frightened
The ratio of money spent per death caused for road traffic accidents compared to terror.
Progress in living conditions is so great that we are no longer allowed twelve days off.
The real question is can they tolerate us?
I have the utmost respect for your position, which is to explicitly disrespect me.
I'm really frightened by that thing which accounts for approximately zero percent of deaths.
The cynic tries to free himself from hypocrisy by calling himself a hypocrite.
To appear strange is to be strange.
The desire to die with more than nothing is a fetish.
Islam is the most rational form of irrationality.
Religion is like paying taxes. I want others to do it.
Nietzsche's readers are what he would call the herd. It is unclear if that constitutes an inconsistency.
The way out of monomania is to make moderation your absolute.
Pride functions as a sin because it allows dialectical bragging. My one flaw is that perhaps I am too proud of my power.
Humour is essentially moral because it is necessarily public.
One third of my content is disinformation! One third misinformation and the rest is malinformation.
Miniseries put the in in miseries.
There are such things as obedient rebellion and rebellious obedience.
"Most people in developed countries live far better than Medieval kings." How many Medieval kings lived in twenty square meter bedsits?
Morality is that part of my desire of which I am proud.
If money grew on trees the supply would be significantly lower.
So struggling to make a consistent sentence set that he tried making contradiction itself the central tenet.
To speak clearly and plainly is a dream. Anyone who actually tried it would be burned by the white light of self consciousness.
All the best things are compensation for weakness. One might even read strength that way!
London hates losers.
Annus Horribilis is Latin for horrible anus.
Could the non-accelerating inflation rate of unemployment have multiple solutions?
150,000 people die every day. They need to cut down, because it's bad for you.
Baked potatoes in a ten foot can with tomato sauce.
Artificial Stupidity
All police officers to be professors
Artificial intelligence will make all workers unnecessary. CEOs will be replaced by cutting edge algorithms which can accurately do nothing.
A quantum algorithm for producing hashcash proof-of-work strings would devalue bitcoin overnight.
Burning evacuation busses is a classic 'coalition of moderates' type thing to do.
Was there a war on when George Orwell said 'the first casualty of war is the truth'?
Why are the roads nationalised?
Just did the patting pockets 'sorry I don't have any cash' gesture to a beggar while wearing a dinner suit.
Mocking bad spelling is the best way to win back the rust belt.
A bad government is better than no government.
Yes we did?
Really positive and brave for Amazon advert to show vicars and imams have more in common than divides them; they are both fools.
What is the rational approach to subjects of which you are ignorant?
Remember when some UK politicians literally used a terrorist attack in Paris as an argument for bombing Syria.
Does pretending my holiday was good count as fake news?
Is it possible for a company to own a company that owns its own owner? e.i. [sic] A owns B owns A etc.
Your bank balance is like the sun; you must never look directly at it.
Was going to get an opinion on Syria but then found out it takes over two years to learn how to speak Syrian.
I know it is a tragedy we didn't intervene in Syria. I just don't know which side it is a tragedy that we didn't help. Both?
I can't get a job as a judge because of immigration.
Watching youth disappear like a boy in a freezing lake.
People who do well in their careers are people who sat through their youth waiting for their time.
The CIA has never sought to affect the outcome of any election; foreign or domestic.
My homework was eaten by immigration.
Which elite?
Thou must speak vulgarly! Thou must licketh the cunt and sucketh the cock to be clean in the eyes of the infinite nothing.
This vote to explicitly reduce freedom of trade is a fantastic opportunity to increase freedom of trade.
Whenever I give up I really commit to it.
It was the second referendum. The first was in 1978. We want a third one.
The centre ground put their crosses halfway between the leave and remain boxes.
Top five selection biases shared by the rich and famous.
Get the London look. (downtrodden).
But 'self harm' is its essential appeal.
Expensive laptops in shitty flats
Breximeansexit
A right wing thinker, sometimes abbreviated to a right winker.
Make America Grate Again
So Called The So Called United So Called States So Called Of So Called "America"
So Called So So Called Called
So Called Chinese So Called Communist So Called Party
"Gifts for her. Gifts for him." Let me get this straight; you sell gifts?
We longed for authority and instead you asked us what to do.
The triple lock is finished because the old found out about compound interest and realised it was good for today's youth.
Red sky at night shepherd's delight; red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning; red sky during the day, nuclear war.
Children should be seen and heard but not smelt or touched.
Do you regret the reduction in construction related deaths? Yes. Yes, I do.
A bird in the bush is worth 0.5 birds in the hand.
contradocracy
Genuinely confused why all my lefty mates want a war with Russia so much!?
Please have a sense of humour EU and charge £350 million pounds a week for UK access to single market.
The best way to prevent democracy is hold an election.
I'm still mourning the end of the twentieth century.
I ain't your sir.
Jesus lacked the intellect required for hypocrisy.
We must not saddle our grandchildren with a decent education.
I'm grateful just to be alive and savour the sweet air of Mother Earth. Unless there is a beautiful woman in my field of view.
excessive efficiency
Which intellectual crisis do you prefer?
We must not saddle our grandchildren with a functional military.
Money isn't everything. It's much more than that.
Gamma male
Baker Street underground station is a fossilised remain of the excitement first felt about subterranean trains.
There is a Limit to How Nice Food Can Taste The Professionals
You asked the British people to show greater responsibility than their prime minister and expected a happy ending. We've only just begun.
April is the cruelest month. No, but seriously.
Wouldn't kick her out of bed. Couldn't kick her out of bed. Shouldn't kick her out of bed.
Long Term Economic Plan
Fracking is so evil because it has removed the incentive for America to kill Arabs.
Bloody immigrants, not coming here, breaking the law of contradiction.
Has anyone actually projected the future of triple lock pension rises or are today's old innumerate as well as vindictive?
The ZSRRNAA Self Referencing Recursively Named Set of All Acronyms (ZSRRNAA)
When were the pre-truth and truth eras?
The triple lock is actually a policy for today's young because of the power of compound interest.
Just About Managing to pay for these three luxury item ego multipliers I call kids. ;P
The mess we inherited from the Roman conquest of Britain.
The deficit will be eliminated as soon as humanity is.
Long Term Economic Plan is now Long Term Economic Weaknesses.
The government should legally oblige itself to do what it would ideally like ASAP.
The British people voted to run a surplus and didn't get that so why would they expect to leave the EU given they voted for it.
I will travel faster than the speed of light as soon as possible.
The status quo is the new radical
The prince of cocks and cunts Has set upon the field His merry caravan Lack a compass
The population grew increasingly angry with the reduction in construction related deaths.
There is a hole in the shape of British lips on China's arse.
Don't call anyone unelectable or they might be elected.
The liberal elite understood what needed to be done because of their good education and being well informed.
What are the current odds of humanity ending this century? Worth a punt?
Polls have predicted we will not reach a state of catastrophe.
We must not saddle our grandchildren with adequate flood defences.
Fix the roof while the liquidity trap.
I mean, I know it's quite late to say this, but obviously turkey twizzlers are more healthy than olive oil by the pint and Jamie is obese.
Industrial modes of production have reached such an advanced state that some people spend less than 80\% of their labour on shelter and food.
Aren't you going to check your lottery numbers? Well obviously I won't have won, I'm not stupid.
LGBTQWERYUIOPASDFHJKLZXCVNM+
The opposite of identity politics is Existentialism.
Parkinson's a cunt. Meg Ryan 4 Eva.
Do you wear lipstick just to check if I'm washing the cups?
One small step for man. One giant schlep for mensch.
Elections are a necessary but insufficient condition for democracy.
Do you have dignity and power over your life? Yes, I'm allowed to mark a piece of paper every four years (within one of two boxes).
"I'm deeply sorry for going out for a drink on Saturday night" - what is wrong with the world?
The secret ingredient is my humiliation.
Weltanschadenfreude
I don't think I've ever seen a blue collar. They wish they had blue collars.
Christian belief in judgement day might be vindicated by effects of denying global warming.
1939 - 1928 = 11. 2008 + 11 = 2019.
The thought of GCHQ attempting to sift through the totality of internet traffic is pleasingly absurd in its futility.
Given the mystical appeal of the word change it was probably a mistake to coin the phrase climate change.
Putting an art school at the global epicentre of vulgarity is a sick joke.
Just read an incredible think piece suggesting there might be points of similarity between the UK Referendum and US presidential elections!
This vote to explicitly reduce freedom of trade is a fantastic opportunity to increase freedom of trade.
Vague definitions of neoliberalism are due to neoliberalism.
Global warming will be self regulating as long as it wipes out enough of humanity.
I just shat myself because of neoliberalism.
Someone should take a shotgun to those foxes in the John Lewis advert.
I've been an amateur protester for a few years now but ultimately I'm trying to turn pro.
The John Lewis annual Christian non-Christian propaganda features rats jumping up and down on your son's pillow and wants me to find it cute
How long will we have to wait between the decline of US soft power and the first Chinese Simpsons?
Why do the right thing when you can just have the right opinions instead.
We expected it to lose its economic authority before its moral authority. China shall take economics. Only Europe can take the moral part.
Occasionally, after bombing at stand up, he would think 'but I have a good CV!'
Democracy is where there are an even number of parties.
"The left must be for the people but never of the people."
When Amy Schumer says smart she means expensively educated.
The opposite of a misogynist is not a woman.
Masterchef Name Profession Sex
It is easier to abolish a billion years of sex than a thousand years of class.
"Major disruption to usual Southern Rail services" "Oh good the trains are working today"
Realism as a theory of international relations. Of personal relations too.
It is too soon to make jokes about the future.
The journey from nothing to the first sentence is immense. The single sentence generates the infinity of sentences.
Exactly one class produces self consciousness. Self consciousness is a false consistency. Every class partakes in this single self consciousness.
Learning can give you nothing. But it can look you in the eye and tell you why you can't have them.
Art allows vulgar aims to be cleaned by dialectics.
Was Marx a vulgar Marxist?
The value of the luxury object for those that can obtain it consists in putting it in the minds of those that cannot.
The historian is here to murder myths! And we shall not be grateful.
You want it but you cannot have it. You criticise it to stop wanting it but that deepens the want.
The theory that art is proof of leisure time is not an artful theory.
Every sentence has a set of sentences which coherently describe its production but not every sentence is coherent with that set.
Every misremembering is an improvement.
It makes you look bad to like me. Which is how I know its real.
There is a lot of competition to help.
It takes a million words to make a baby!
If you want to be liked by your parents you first have to like them.
This is what a sentence looks like.
I've hurt myself just to spite someone before.
Could this be the farcical repetition of Nazism? Or a tragic new event?
“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.” ― Mao Tse-tung
As you look further away, at some point things stop appearing smaller and start looking bigger. Actually.
The purpose of punishment is not to prevent crime but vigilantism.
iPhone controlled obsolescence is a tax on vanity.
Feel like a king by casually using gigayears as a unit of time.
Political incorrectness gone mad.
Not my president. Literally.
Oblique strategy in political careers
Just took an hour long train journey next to a group of ten university students and no one mentioned the US election once.
If only there had been a few more liberal comedians to to sneer at the idiots.
"Do do do dooo right" - God.
The right is the anti free trade lobby now?
The end of the end of history.
The Chinese word for USA translates literally as The Beautiful Country.
United Distastes
All the combinations are amusing.
Thank god we don't live in a democracy.
America you have about ten minutes before we start grovelling to China instead.
Children laugh at flatulence like vulgar materialists laugh at god.
Voting for something because it mocks the choice you are given.
I'm deeply sorry for any offence that may have been caused by speaking in a register you morons can't understand.
When my dad walked out on my family he sang 'do do do dooo right'.
Gerontocracy
We live in a democracy. That is why we have the death penalty and any judge who doesn't hand it to murderers is an enemy of the people.
"When I was seventeen, it was a very good year" - a lyric today's seventeen year olds will never be able to sing.
At least the end of humanity will usher in a period of unprecedented economic stability.
"Brighton is a like London by the sea." "Come on, it's not that bad."
I shouldn't be allowed to have children because it would cruelty to animals.
Planet Earth II would really help with the global warming predicament.
"That is so offensive." "It is nice to hear that I have done what I set out to do."
"What part of Leave don't you understand?" "Every part."
Colombian trade talks? I can think of at least one commodity we might be interested in.
Should the UK be taught the lesson that it must never hold another referendum ever again?
Wait a minute, the Europeans are the white ones?!
Tax breaks for sexual excess.
so-called love/evil that dare not speak its name
Because I believe X I am innocent. False.
The danger of democracy is it provides the individual with their mythological justification.
USA vs China vs USE - Europe wins?
Is Europe a trade pact or a political union? The Leave vote is a question.
History will record the UK Leave vote as the starting gun to initiate the United States of Europe.
The critical problem with the EU referendum was that we all thought in a continuum and the government forced us in to a binary.
"Who is your boss?" "The customer?" "No, that is a strange corruption of language"
Alice in the United Kingdom.
Should the UK pull back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz?
When the establishment dares the population to be less responsible than it demonstrates itself to be.
I voted for a constitutional crisis. When am I getting it? Around now.
All gender toilet. Segregated prayer rooms. We can shit together but mustn't pray without four feet of concrete between us.
I killed Heseltine's mum's Alsatian.
"In fact would you say London was a character in the film?" "No, that would be inaccurate"
Casual sex good. Casual sexism bad.
But I never really got to grips with thinking *inside* the box.
"The ONS says it is 95\% confident that the figure of a 10,000 rise in unemployment is correct to within 79,000."
There can be no doubt. The dominant ideology is one of atheistical promiscuity.
"I've got a TV idea" "Go on" "A Very British..." "Let me stop you there, the answer is yes"
Mixed feelings about confident children.
Enjoying the sight of zombies half committing to it.
The best thing you can do for the environment is buy food grown using intentionally inefficient farming practices.
What we meant was we will be giving it £10bn more than we would be giving it were we to be giving it £10bn less.
Saw would punish anyone who has seen all the Saw movies.
Yeah but, I mean, obviously buying a Prius or Tesla produces more CO2 than buying no car.
Buy a paper copy of the Guardian so you can focus on a small regret.
Also models are significantly cheaper than actual cars lol
Yes, Nissan is going to build two new car models in the UK but two cars won't make that much difference to GDP growth.
"At the end of the day it's taxpayer's money." If money you pay is still yours then everyone owns all the money. And my boss owns my money.
It is the truly stupid who can't see they might be too stupid to solve a hard problem.
It doesn't matter if it is a pub or a parliament it is still people who don't even speak Arabic deciding whether to bomb Syria.
The twentieth century was the century of physics. The twenty first will be the century of performance poetry.
What if the challenge of the twenty first century is not sustaining a larger and larger population but a smaller and older one?
Of course in medieval times it would have meant lets get contemporary on their transport.
Provincial railway stations should play foreign language announcements to make us feel glamorous.
Ian Duncan Smith makes the incredible revelation that raising the income tax threshold is predominantly a tax cut for the wealthy.
The imperious majesty of the Lakeside Shopping Centre.
‘My whole face was wet with crying. I tried to be discreet, but my body was shuddering as sobs clattered through it.’ - me on Terminator 2.
What if there is no wolf of Wall Street and no one is enjoying it?
Fabulous cruelty
Paid to reproduce.
The wealthiest like their food to be covered in cow shit.
"Communism isn't the name of a solution, it's the name of a problem"
Think of the infinite aliens suffering across the universe.
Capitalism started around 1700 CE and ended around 1000000000000000 CE
I predict that humanity will spend the whole twenty first century pissing about on computers before finally concluding they're shit.
evelution
Don't embarrass me in front of the internet.
Can we make the Mexicans pay for lost GDP growth due to Brexit?
You could have no alien life in the visible universe but still have infinite life in an infinite universe.
The Zeroth Sex
Charity should end at home as well.
A citizen has a head ache. Overthrow the government?
"It is much more easy to have sympathy with suffering, than it is to have sympathy with thought." - Oscar Wilde
If elephants really have a bigger brain than us then why aren't they clever enough to have produced nuclear weapons to destroy themselves?
If the planet can sustain a population of one billion the rest will end up in a computer. Will they be slaves?
In the upcoming Friday the Thirteenth video game Freddy is the playable character.
Underrepresentation of various social groups in the profession of slavemaster.
What isn't other?
If there were a symmetry of scale what would be the corresponding conservation law according to Emmy Noether?
Could there be a symmetry of scale?
Weirded out by the fact Kickstarter take a percentage.
Yes I might be a loser in this universe but in another one you're all bowing down to me. *wakes up/spills coffee*
Keep them tired.
If I replicated myself thirty times and made them slaves for me would that be legitimate because it was my misery?
Making a computer which is more effective than a person will have zero economic impact. Making one that is cheaper is what counts.
Imposing a no fly zone over Syria. Nothing can possibli go wrong.
Raph Shirley added 32 new photos to the album Clacket Lane Services with 0 others.
Look, we all know the current consolidation they are calling the US 'election' is a CIA ploy to ruin the livelihoods of liberal comedians.
Why are you doing a magic show instead of using this amazing skill to steal bicycles?
I was going to get married, but I looked at the statistics and thought, you know what, the chances of actually staying together are too high
Christopher Marlowe may have written Bob Dylan's entire back catalogue.
postagrarianism
"Madness is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results" - what about removing Jenga blocks?
Nothing fuels economic growth like the erosion of the science base.
They should not take away Sir Philip Green's knighthood because it is important that we maintain his mark of shame.
And the Oscar for best Nobel Prize winner not to receive a gay pardon from the UK government doesn't go to ET but to Gandhi TNT Bungled.
Bob Dylan minds own business. Vulgar people value their opinion about Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan minds own business. Vulgar people whinge.
"The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence." - the essential nature of all awards.
I'm so proud that you acknowledge me bomb maker!
Have you ever considered that it is you who are impolite and arrogant for giving the Nobel Prize?
Who is giving the award? What is their motive?
Time Dilation in the Short Twentieth Century
It's true that Polish workers put downward pressure on UK wages but it's those in Poland not the UK. If they were all here that would stop.
Fall in pound just made the UK 15\% cheaper for Chinese students. It would be too delicious to see a new high for immigration.
...there would suddenly be a vacuum of narrative drive.
If the Conservatives had eliminated the deficit and got immigration in tens of thousands it would be like Lynch revealing Laura's killer...
Einstein's Time Dilation in the Long Twentieth Century
The human is the animal that likes partitioning two dimensional manifolds.
Look, I'm sorry, but we need to have an open and honest debate about this; it's not racist to be a homophobe.
I migrate from my bed to my job every damn day. What's the big deal bigot?
Its not just political correctness I have a problem with. It's correctness in general. What's wrong with being wrong?
Because the earth is travelling through space we are all immigrants. To new frontiers. Except economic migrants.
I'm not saying everyone who stays in the same place is just doing it for their own benefit but I am saying words.
It's not racist to be concerned about people who stay in the same place.
We need to have an open and honest discussion about people who stay in the same place.
Ironised loneliness in modern modes of country music consumption.
Clock in the long twentieth century
I didn't go in the all gender toilet because I wasn't sure whether what I wanted to do in there was a toilet based activity; linguistically.
The American dream is the pursuit of happiness. The British dream is happiness. We can't be bothered with the pursuit part.
History is like a gas. You can understand it in terms of the properties of atoms but the atoms don't have agency.
People saying 'we need to' moving under the influence of forces not under the control of humanity.
A psychopath is someone who is not telepathic
How much you complain is correlated with how good your life is.
Love and hate are sold in a two for one deal. Both or neither.
Truth or friends?
The audience for psyops is domestic.
The highest motives are the lowest motives when art, philosophy, and charity signal status.
Intelligence is the ability to cheat. I never trust the intelligent.
To ask what some social institution is for is a nonsense since it serves different functions for different players.
How bathetic that the culmination of learning is mere limits and ambiguity.
I serve others in so far as I desire what they have.
I make a point of only being hypocritical in company.
Aristocracy is preferable to democracy because at least you know you have no power.
We can accept the vices of the powerful only so long as they remain powerful.
Man is both the highest and lowest animal.
In evolution "survival of the fittest" is less important than "fucking of the hottest".
You can not ever know more about contemporary social trends and morality than teams of high status people working for advertising agencies. They can simply never be out manoeuvred!
If Hegel is the name of a disease it is a very tempting disease.
"I’m aligned with fans of a particular musical band (and the countercultural values it stands for)" t-shirt design.
Politics is an arena for idiocy or genius since to excel you must either believe contradictions without noticing or resolve them philosophically.
Beware the effective communicator
The singularity is where the number of TEDx talks about the singularity goes up at an exponential rate until there are a few too many.
Standard response when I'm asked "what do you do?" is now "I'd prefer not to say".
That psychological high only associated with free pens.
Just saw someone say 'welcome to the welcome session'.
"Any universe simple enough to be understood is not complicated enough to produce a mind to understand it" - vintage aphorism.
One identical twin in a tank. The other in a plane. The plane bombs the tank. "Bloody air planes!" Weapons are a technical construct.
Politics is pretend power
Total Protein is an excellent choice of protein for males and females looking to meet their individual daily protein requirements.
It could be true both that gender is a social construct and that it will never be deconstructed.
There are people who think the City of London is not a bureaucracy
Madness is having an opinion on the Israel-Palestine conflict.
I wish America's problems were my problems so that I could vocally complain about them.
Tyson Fury says he uses cocaine to help with his depression. My guess is it helps for approximately thirty minutes and then unhelps.
Why didn't Alice in Wonderland conclude that the room was expanding and therefore must have originated in a big bang?
If you believe people's legal status as citizens is dependent on their beliefs about their legal status as citizens you are mistaken.
Cycling is idealised walking.
Batman computer game where you just play some guy.
A tree laughing at a rugby player
Sloth is the only sin I can be bothered with.
Good politicians move to the centre. Great ones make the centre move to them.
Conservative Lives Matter!
Gosh. The most common and aggressive form of prejudice is not based on race, gender, religion or sexuality but political affiliation.
"It's genetic" "No, it's about taking responsibility for your actions" "Yeah, but there's a gene for that"
Did she "even mention the deficit"?
Power dictates what is common sense.
Common sense has now been officially inverted.
Building a third toilet is a lot easier than restructuring the economy.
At what point in that sentence did you realise you didn't know what you were talking about?
Free trade of all commodities!* *Except the most important commodity, labour.
Free markets such as a transport monopoly operated by a state corporate complex.
I want to front a TV show called The Ugliness of the Solar System or Banalities of the Universe.
Ad Hominem arguments are for stupid idiots.
A subservient manner costs extra.
Change causes politicians, not vice versa.
I never make it to the end of any sentence that begins 'we need to...'
"Why does the universe exist?" - title of 17 minute TED talk.
No one has the genius required to wear the veil of ignorance.
unununelectable
Broken eggs are a necessary but not sufficient condition for omelette.
Priscilla Chan cures disease by deciding not to work as a pediatrician.
I helped a child succeed at musical chairs by giving her a gun.
Jen's phone is buzzing and it says 'brad'.
Quantum mechanics happened and people still praise common sense?
Do you remember a time when it was considered cultured and informed to read a newspaper?
Sensible thoughts are rarely thought by sensible people.
If a booming economy traditionally favours social democratic movements it would be in the interest of conservative governments to prevent it
Nothing corrupts the young so much as thinking. That is why it must be stamped out by education.
Ab Major is the least racist key.
I may be a hypocrite but at least I openly admit it.
Powerocracy.
It would be a great mistake to think, that because you can drive a car, you understand the operation of internal combustion engines.
One single machine which includes both production and consumption.
The purpose of parenting is to transform your children from a state on confusion to a greater state of confusion.
One of the differences between a family and a country is the number of people they typically contain.
Terrorphobia
Expensive sea salt tastes so much nicer because it has two ingredients, NaCl and BS.
"Omg, I don't like football. I must be non-binary" - a reactionary.
The virgin Mary is defined by what she hasn't done such as do Joseph with a strap on. The person who never did Joseph with a strap on Mary.
Jesus came out of Mary's anus because God said 'it doesn't count'.
It's official. At least one person was terrified by a large explosion in the center of a city.
The world turned upfide down. The middle class strike and the working class frown.
Has there ever been a 'safe space' in a UK university? Nevertheless, it's fun to criticise the young.
Sympathy is the most brutal thing to give someone.
Good scientists selectively ignore the free rider problem.
Good luck with that solution to global warming based on individual responsibility.
My mind is as full of clarity as a can of baked beans is full of frogs.
Who do I need to fuck around here to get laid?
We must means we wont.
Us atheists and muslims need to concentrate on the majority of things we do agree on. Like thinking Mary was no virgin.
In Britain Voltaire could have simply been rendered innocuous with an MBE.
Modern laser guided bombs can accidentally hit the wrong target with unprecedented accuracy.
What would be the consequences of outlawing loans? Do you have the mind to tell me precisely how they would be bad instead of 'impossible!'.
The Mercury Prize is a government scheme designed to help middle aged men make a return to polite conversation.
I now answer every question with "because I think I'd be rather good at it."
For the last thirty years Trident has successfully prevented an alien invasion. If we buy two that will prevent twice as many again.
Cut down a hundred year old apple tree planted by my great grandmother. Battle between destructive pride and wan shame rages within my soul.
Bertolt Brexit. Months late nonsense.
Dream as though you'll live for a few more decades. Live as though you'll live for a few more decades.
Rural September dusk Fake as Antoinette's shepherdess Is still Golden
Would you prefer a competent enemy or an incompetent friend?
The cunning of picking a fight with the doctors is they will be served well by privatisation.
I was shagging this bird the other day and then Big Bird said 'I am not a human female' and the actor's sad eyes appeared behind black gauze
Squares do not exist.
There has never been a square.
Good job we had Trident to deter that North Korean test.
Economists are fantastic at solving the problems of the previous generation.
I don't have the wherewithal to do things
"God does not play dice" - Einstein. "Don't tell God what to do" - Bohr. Not everyone knows that great retort.
Self consistency between personal and political philosophy cf self consistency between quantum mechanics and macro phenomena
"de-politicising political decision making"
"Guys the population is now 70 quadrillion, perhaps we need to start having fewer children" - a mosquito
mainly anti-humanist
Really enjoyed the Brent movie but don't quite have the stomach for cruelty that I did when I was 17.
Remembered a conversation from ten years ago. I think he thought I'd said lonely when I said lowly. I'm actually glad he got it wrong.
Mona Lisa II
Radio 4 comedy with a clever rich cockney and superficially luxuriant northerner getting on really well with a posh bin man.
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other planets" - God
UB40 Bullingdon Club supergroup?
Strangers are a lot less dangerous than your family.
Every time I remember I didn't just win the 100m I point at the sky and say 'thanks for nothing'.
So-Called Long Term Five Year Economic Our Way Of Life Plan Means So-Called Long Term Five Year Economic Our Way Of Life Plan
Shawshank Revolutions
Nietzsche b like m8 Hamlet must be truly fcked if he wanna be funny
Perhaps an openly incompetent leader is safer than an apparently competent one; at least we wont trust them with the keys to the shotgun.
Artisan AK-47
Three Big Mac Meals in a Nutri-bullet. Not sure exactly what it means but it is broadly meant to be satirical and humorous.
Answering questions is for children, students and slaves.
You are cordially invited to support Our So-Called Way Of Life.
Nightmares lie at the intersection of deams and reality
Dreams really can come true. My house was on fire.
I know I'm biased in my beliefs, I know I'm biased in my analysis of my biases, but I don't know I'm biased about my bias about my bias.
Probabilities are a nice idea it's just a shame we never know them.
Work backwards and force assumption of rational agents through behaviour such as lottery playing and reject assumptions about money/value.
Thought as a means to justify the ideas you already have
"Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful pile of rubbish to be gradually consumed by plants" - humanity.
Beautiful minds in ugly buildings/ugly minds in beautiful buildings.
Having it all means having a job and a kid? But, they are the two things I don't want.
Means means means.
Animal husbandry is the management of farm animals by humans, in which traits and behavior, considered advantageous to humans, are developed
The History of Britain 2015-2016 by Lewis Carroll
weakness is strength, strength weakness
For a glorious moment I thought I might have been the first person to coin the phrase Austentatious
Housework's only purpose is to dirty the worker's mind
Mistakes are those actions that are both useful and embarrassing.
If you're not a cheater then why aren't you on the cross?
“Like-minded humans” is the sort of trash talk to come from men not like me.
Optimism as social desirability bias.
If you want to have opinions it helps if you’re paying the person who listens to them.
The defining impulse of the nerd is revenge.
Those that are attracted to atheism for its cruelty are always susceptible to religion making a higher offer.
The one thing fame is not is fickle.
The Marxian account of the causal relation from material base to cultural product can consistently explain opposing claims within those products. But there could be a necessary part in culture that is implicitly anti-Marxist in that no subject can claim itself to be object.
If somebody tells me something more than once I assume it's a lie.
I'm good enough to realise I'm not good but not good enough to actually be good.
It is a great consolation that for everybody of any age, though they will die, they might not die before you.
Astronomy is a form of voyeurism.
I've never met anyone who dislikes money but it is theoretically possible!
Interesting is inversely correlated with true.
An intelligent artifice.
Perhaps Simone de Beauvoir’s claim that the man is both the gendered and the neutral was biased by French grammar.
Rhianna's eagerly anticipated follow up single Housework
A referendum with essay answers. The prime minister has to read every one, keeping them busy till death.
Aaaaand it's autumn.
Touched by young lovers on a train. What has happened to me?!
I have never before thought so long or so hard about any choice in my life which is why I made such a bad decision.
Met a great teenager who literally said 'what's great about me is...'
The purpose of the universe is to provide toy problems with which to train the next generation of financial bureaucrats.
London is a filthy obscenity. That's why I wish they'd let me in.
The reason for rent is that there is a shortage of space in the universe.
Thinking of getting a tattoo which says 'I lived in Brighton for a year'.
"I'll use the science of taboo language" - Tony Robbins. Can you name a university with a Department of Taboo Language?
Britain's economy can be based on us offering Yanks a counselling service regarding the effect of waning national power on the individual.
Can someone get death out of the bathroom! But don't kill it!
It takes too much effort to be lazy.
Politics is so petty. Real power simply brushes it aside.
How about free movement without single market access?
Scientists are working on the widest angle lens ever used in the field of estate agency
Relentless Commercial Irony (RCI)
"Take your city back" - The Dark Knight Rises
If you can't love thy neighbour then move next door to your lover
sandalous
The bank bail outs were the incorporation of the alarm clock
Surrealist films are the least surreal films because they know it is a dream.
The purpose of public examinations is the industrial manufacture of shoulder chips. The truly botched are those who come out unscathed.
People respond to incentives but not necessarily in the right order
How can we be certain that eliminating public examination results wouldn't increase standards?
Every child to be given a personal debt of £20,000 at birth as payment for the infrastructure it shall inherit the use of
The rationally self-interested weren't fighting the irrationally self-interested but the rationally self-destroying.
When you die, God writes off your Student Guilt.
Deceptively spacious studio flat
Judging politicians by whether what they say is true is like judging academics by how powerful they are.
Homo Indebt
Still clearing places available for our BA in Unemployment
How would I like to be remembered? Probably as that guy who lived in number 7? The one with red hair? No. Ohhh the guy who crashed his Fiat?
When I praise the Lord after winning a race I point downwards because He made the universe isotropic.
Our Way Of Life (OWOL)
There has never been, and will never be, an actual square.
Met someone in real world. They asked if I believe all the weird stuff I say on Twitter. Obviously not! That's my get out of jail free card
I went for the zero zero and won!
Absolute proof that we are not a waning power that is unsure of itself and feels the need to brag desperately
The opposite of a free market is a supermarket
"If someone says I can't do something, I want to do it twice as much." "You can't fail."
We must continue to ask difficult questions over why girls continue to fall behind in the key test of computer game all time high scores
Only an adult could be so gullible that they believe that children believe in Father Christmas
God likes the 100m but Allah likes the 10 000m
Optimistic graduates voted Remain and uneducated pessimists voted Leave, but what about us pessimistic graduates and uneducated optimists?
Good luck to Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper in their competition with Judy Garland and James Mason
"Was Chinese proposal romantic or just a form of male control?" Isn't that what romance is?
snobby about people who still have actual bodies
The house that misery bought
it can be reported
THIS IS TV
"What do you do?" "Decay in ennui. How often do you masturbate?" "That is an atypical question."
Got a really good Daily Mail joke from a liberal perspective. Only trouble is that Peter Hitchens et al prefer Islam to secularism.
Dressage/Diving crossover
Balanced in terms of truth or democratic opinion? Balanced in terms of it being equally neither.
The trouble is these men sitting alone writing offensive things. If his friends had invited him out, they might have prevented Nietzsche.
Paul is method and Barry thinks that stuff is a load of rubbish
When was the last time someone unironically said 'bloody immigrants, coming over here...'?
When you look like me you really have to think about male modesty. I have to cover my biceps and my abs.
The more complicated the model the smaller its predictive capabilities
That bit where he slides into Jaws' mouth! Horrific.
Too much cutting because the stills don't stand up to scrutiny.
The decline in modern action films is because you can't see what is going on anymore. Compare set pieces in Star Trek Beyond and Terminator.
"What do you love about your lover's body?" "That it is good."
Aggregate review websites have turned criticism into a discussion of whether or not something is good. Why would I be interested in that?
The worst thing about an audience is it provides an incentive to make things good
Pastel shades of English summer evenings with the sound Of marital argument
Someone once told me I couldn't do stand up because, by the look of me, I was clearly well balanced.
I(0) = I
What Jesus was saying is that meekness is selected for in evolutionary terms
Survival of the meek
Cowardliness is highly adaptive
Survival of the cowardly
War cleanses humanity of heroic blood and leaves only worms
Humanity is a full stop
Survival of the weakest
Kant ('spinner of cobwebs') was the first great professional and Darwin (worm) was the last great amateur
The human is the animal that evolves by group selection
The end of history could just mean we stop writing anything down for the future.
Status quo bias vs 'the ubiquity of overconfidence'
The Monetaristas
The robots will be the bourgeoisie and the humans the proletariat?
I find the infinitely small harder to imagine than the infinitely big. Whole civilisations inside every atom in your body!
Obviously you could have no other life in the visible universe and still have infinite life across the whole universe.
Dynamic stochastic general equilibrium models = superstition?
Grave-digger/confetti-sweeper
Look, I will accept your domination over me. Why are you asking me about passion?
'So, what is it that you do?' 'We have a long term economic plan...'
What percentage of GDP is spent on propaganda now compared to Nazi spending on advertising? I'm 15 years old. Smoking dope. No but seriously
My First Debt by TOMY
"Farmers seem to have introduced romantic kisses"
Some people don't think Capitalism will have an end. But some don't think it had a beginning!
If I'm being nice to you it means I hold you in contempt. If I'm arguing viciously it means I am in love with you.
hyperstimuli
The Olympians are subservient workaholics desperate for our admiration
Of all the humans that have ever lived around 3-8\% are alive today
The word should turns any sentence into bull shit.
Imagine if you were stuck on a mountain and a helicopter came to rescue you but it crashed. You'd be like 'for goodness sake'.
A heroes journey along the fecal oral pathway
zero pound coin
Man loses 10 stone in just one nuclear explosion
Jonathon Swift should check his privilege. So offensive to say the Irish should eat their babies, even if it was 'ironic'.
All I want is a Fender American Stratocaster in Sienna Sunburst and preferably a Marshall stack so I can write anti-capitalist rock
I'm addicted to work-life balance
Daley is going to keep the bronze medal on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and alternative Sundays.
For those wondering, the dark circular marks on athletes bodies are there to show they are gullible.
The dream of the apolitical fact
... and actually it may be offensive to refer to... (6543234/6543234665343)
The English have a thousand words for 'school'.
Food served on a bed of bull shit
The Lark Descending (Heart Attack)
What is a singer? Its kind of like a guitar with one string.
A large pear tree with only one pear on it. Alone but proud.
SuicideNoteSecondDraft.docx
12 shocking celebrity suicide notes you must read before you die.
All male Thelma and Louise remake
There will be readjustments
Give simulated humans property rights!
You get up at 10am!? So lazy, I get up 23 hours before you.
Imagine a diver that was so good that if they jumped off next to me we'd still win a synchronised gold
Penrose thinks microtubules might be a mechanism for the brain to use quantum effects
(wages replaced with loans)
The reason the religious are so clever is the sheer intellectual energy required to justify being so stupid.
You think you're above this job don't you. Isn't that the definition of a job?
Smile is what people do when they are involved on some sort of propaganda
I here pronounce you metaphor
Performative metaphors
The Olympics sucks
"the other mathematicses"
Morris dancing was historically a display of virility but now is enacted by the oldest and least virile men. Do they appreciate the irony?
Neoliberalism, neoliberalism, neoliberalism. What's neoliberalism again?
How many everythings are there?
What if there is more than one multiverse!? The multimultiverse.
The friends enemy distinction makes argument impossible with either friends or enemies.
The man who cries cries and stops but the man who doesn’t cry holds ten pints of tears.
When a man moves down in social status he is not a class traitor but is merely exhibiting the natural tendency of bodies to fall.
Dieting produces an anxiety which takes pleasure in self-humiliation.
Happiness is a mark of the savagely ambitious.
We see in the sporting person's obsessional evocation of the morality of "working hard" echoes of Europe's authoritarian past and its similar preoccupation.
Britain is the impossibility of critique.
Apocalypse appeals to the death drive and can easily increase something's popularity.
There are few privately owned trains.
Medicine is a disease.
Synthetic philosophy.
The tomato is not a fruit. It is an egg.
Fluent and clear speech can also demonstrate a lack of thought.
The professional managerial class has built an ideology of denial. Their children must learn to defer gratification but there is a clear perverse sexual morality of the monk encoded in the denial. They take pleasure in forever denying themselves pleasure.
The psychic problems surrounding the production of art are necessarily stranger and of greater depth than anything that could possibly exist in the work itself.
A scientist is someone who thinks a tomato is a fruit.
Thinking seriously about art and dreams is immoral.
Critical science is an impossibility.
Angry at economic equilibrium.
No one is so hated as the man who is what you thought you were but better.
Self awareness is really other awareness. How they differ from and judge you.
If you really liked to call a spade a spade you would say you like to use the simple everyday terms for things.
It is not hypocrisy to want to be the only person with a magic lamp.
A reduction in misery is a negative outcome.
It is not in my interest to say I act out of self interest and not some higher aim. If truth telling is a higher aim this presents a paradox since to proclaim you act out of self interest states a truth that harms you in the saying and makes your proclamation false...
“I’m the king of the castle! You’re the dirty rascal!” Is the meaning of every sentence.
Britain is a land without thought. When you have the sea you don’t need philosophers!
Intelligence is a strategy for the weak.
Failure is a key part of success. It's a key part of failure too.
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to be fired for saying it.
Labour is the commodity that desires.
If I want someone to know something a basic tactic is to tell somebody else in front of them.
A fully consistent speech act is impossible.
The purpose of education is to provide daycare for workers’ children.
The cross is a battlefield where God slayed God!
Antihypocrisy is a form of luxury consumption.
Is it impossible for someone to mistakenly believe that they believe or disbelieve in God? "I think I believe in God but I'm incorrect."
It requires a great deal of hypocrisy to not be a hypocrite.
A stack of miniature cardboard coffins in a hospital morgue
"it risks undermining confidence in the honours system as a whole" - someone who has heard of Sir Bruce Forsyth
I wear silly clothes, you wear slightly different silly clothes, but at the end of the day, we all wear silly clothes.
Nuclear weapons without a nuclear deterrent
'Should' is so much easier and more comforting than 'will'.
Faded plastic flowers on your grave
Very cunning psycological trick in both Bible and Qur'an to repeatedly say 'the fools and the hypocrites will laugh at you'.
"Deciphering web chatter" - good luck with that intelligence services.
I did not realise that we are all just human beings at the end of the day.
"Survival of the fittest" is a tautology of Swiftian proportions. Survivors gonna survive survive survive survive survive.
The idea that people are either right wing or left wing is attractive to children.
The only thing more inane than children's TV is adult's TV.
Complicated ideas can be wrong too.
The real power of the media lies in choosing which data points to highlight.
IF TrainDelayed PlayAutomatedApology() ELSE FuckEm()
Mutually Assured Destruction explains why, having given every American a firearm, there are now no shootings.
History is a game of hide and seek that started in Africa a hundred thousand years ago.
England's booze filled hearts sobbing incoherently
Government incapable of answering Trident question with anything other than yes or no. There are more advanced/expensive options and less...
Formal grammar's subject is the sentence, but could we formalise supersententence structures?
I recommend reading more than one book at a time. The coincidence of ideas is thrilling. Currently on Spot the Dog and King James Bible.
How often have I urinated without a thought in my head? But does this mean I am a Zen master? Yes. Yes it does.
As long as robots are only better than humans there will be no end to capitalism. It is when they are also cheaper that capex is always less
Not to belittle our brave grandparents, but I think I could cope without bananas.
A robot is labour that is not alienated.
Given that a frame in which the sun goes round the earth is equivalent to one where the earth goes round the sun, which is more true?
postsquaredmodernism
'How to govern' is an amusing distraction from the harder question 'how to live'.
There could be whole galaxy like structures with civilisations inside every atom in your body!
Thinking of the infinitely small is almost more incomprehensible.
In an infinite universe the visible universe is an infinitesimal part of the whole - so bonkers to think about.
"When we fail to leave the EU and move from being 'half in to half out' we will at least know that we are trapped and powerless."
The same is true of 'I'.
There isn't a single square that exists in the physical universe, but the idea 'square' is forever.
Astronomy is like exploring a forest by just standing still and turning around.
standard of dying
A Che Guevara T-shirt is a way of telling the world that your knowledge of Che Guevara is limited.
"Guys, we're all human beings. We're all cut from the same cloth" - a deluded cat.
You can't unfire me, I unquit.
... and particles are knots in space...
Could empty space have mass?
The greatest creative advance of the last ten years was to start remaking films that were bad originally.
The so-called love that dare not speak its name.
“The reports of my death are greatly understated” - Elvis Presley
Imagine if the moon disapeared
Fools love simplicity
The easiest way to change minds is to rewrite the dictionary
Obviously false consciousness, and yet true consciousness remains inaccessible to everyone.
The child says "I'm going to stage a David Bowie musical called Lazarus." The parent says "Where did it all go wrong?"
The nightmare for someone with an all consuming aim is to succeed.
The impact of recession on GDP is time asymmetric.
All intellectual challenge is overcoming bias
They considered having them on a train constantly moving around but went with silos.
The USA knows where Trident is! That means we could never attack the Yanks with it.
Why Trident instead of dropping an H-bomb from a plane? Because the American manufacturers would rather sell us something expensive.
Remember how they bombed Hiroshima? It wasn't with a cruise missile launched from a nuclear submarine. Why not do it the old fashioned way?
Firmly embedded in the ruling ideology and lovin' it!
Liking someone is great!
So-called "farmers"
Thank god we haven't lived through a major historical event yet.
"comedy is capitalism" - mind blown. This changes, if not everything, then a significant amount.
Atheism is the dominant ideology, but...
Did the Remain side ever realise that the word remain is the least inspiring word in English? And that includes 'corporation'.
How to get good at anything in 20 years.
"We were great" is what audiences mean when they say "it was great".
If we're half way through humanity (in numbers that have lived) we could increase reproduction and finish the job by the end of the century.
Designing incentives is like designing animals. Only time is any good at it.
Partisan thought is a contradiction.
Capitalism provides incentives for people to help each other. That is its moral flaw.
Helping other people is the cause of many ills.
Your weakness is my strength. Your strength my weakness.
Sun readers are so prudish and stupid that they think page 3 is the best pornography available to them in 2016.
The true Utopians are the ones who believe we are currently living in it.
Any statistical construction destroys information by definition. From the humble mean to the higher order moments to the Gini coefficient.
"If you don't like it you're not my intended audience"
There are some people that believe the UK has had a change in leadership since 1990
Perhaps the right way to look at the Laffer curve is in terms of varying the curve itself and not varying the position along a fixed curve.
Consider how a distribution can vary while maintaining a constant Gini coefficient.
Sentences that fail teach more than the other kind.
Imagine what an incredible government it would take to get the deficit down to less than 1\% of GDP, like it was in 2008.
University fees are now reaching a level where I wouldn't choose to be 18 again.
Bad arguments for good things are still bad arguments.
Thatcheresque is a new word for female.
Brexit means Brexit. Brexit is a meaningless neologism.
Only a very silly person would take care to appear serious.
Best way to get healthy balanced diet is to eat a healthy balanced diet. Better than healthy unbalanced diet or unhealthy balanced or u u.
The definition of bad argument is a good parliamentarian.
Gratitude is not joy.
I am a tiger. You are my cage.
What is the ontological role of Islamic State and why do we need it?
Looking at the deficit graph is like seeing the Wizard of Oz.
Value isn't a property of an object but of everything other than the object.
Employment fees! Negative wages. Why not?
Now is the time to invest six years ago.
The Phrasemaker General
Dull minds in sharp suits.
"You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses..."
Why train physicists and engineers? Just have a financial bureaucracy course.
Literally shed a tear over sale of ARM.
Has anyone ever had a child to increase GDP growth?
How much indirect state funding of computing research went in to ARM? Here you are, have it.
ICI, Cadbury, ARM. What next? Rolls Royce? Our children's brains?
A life wasted on happy contentment
What if the right is less frightened of the post-capitalist automated future than the left?
Defining your politics purely in terms of what you are against isn't all bad - e.g. Winston Churchill.
"Irresponsible to keep Trident" - another statement which may or may not be true.
"Irresponsible to scrap Trident" - statement that could be confused for an argument.
I'm sorry if anyone was so stupid as to be offended.
Classic UK move to sell ARM.
Weak thinkers find murder "incomprehensible".
I'm sorry this has never happened before, I usually have no problem maintaining an independent nuclear deterrent.
Why spend money on tanks and guns when you might actually have to use them.
The real politics of Trident is how important the deal is to American manufacturer.
How many Jack Bauers could we buy instead of Trident?
We use the Trident nuclear deterrent every single day. The sailors rest their cups of tea on it.
Woke up and defecated in god's mouth.
There isn't even a culture let alone multiple ones.
The New East India Company
If you take back control from the computer autopilot on a Eurofighter typhoon it instantly crashes.
Old weak leadership has causes and effects just like new strong leadership. The halo effect on a rampage.
"The worst slums such as the Seven Dials in Covent Garden"
The prophet Mohammed was really good at predicting recessions.
Homosexuality is a sin, which is why it must be encouraged at every opportunity.
People brag about their selection by social Darwinism but forget Darwinism chose the nematode worm over the saber toothed tiger
The seriousness of a politician is inversely proportional to how serious they are
The International Consortium of Baddies
A rose by any other name would surely smell as sweet. Even if it were called a fish infested plop plant?
All un. All the time.
Unhmm
Thought is the only radical act.
Death first birth later.
When Jesus came out of the desert he had breakfast and raised his eyebrows.
If brunch is between breakfast and lunch then what is between life and death? Is it historically a source of humour?
We are going to see the pound fall through the floor. As in negative exchange rates? No, you are an awful pedant Raph. No, you are. Ok. Bye.
Shall I compare thee to a summer day, you are both longer than a winter day and you are a year.
"Tanked" - why not say reduced by 50\%?
Dull minds mistake biting the hand that feeds you for hypocrisy
I now pronounce you ungendered
Love wins over hate. Why does everything have to be a competition? Can't we coexist peacefully?
Imagine if since the beginning of time you were alive, then you died and were dead for a bit and then you came to life for eternity again.
Death before life
All religions are true. Including the ones that say only they are true.
I am the one true prophet. Yeah, but they all say that.
Essence precedes existence
Is cat a noun of peace?
atheist fundamentalism
Perpetual apocalypse
The appeal of the catastrophe is not having to choose which future.
People say humans are great, but I quite like empty space.
Is it possible to imagine the Conservatives becoming the left wing party and the Labour party becoming the right wing one?
A grammar school is a private school where the fees are handled by an estate agent.
London is the greatest city in 1534
Antidepressants could have prevented most of Camus.
The economic notion of utility presupposes there is no free will.
Inflation is a reduction in the price of money.
Laughter is sex in the third person.
“Be not proud!” is the paradigmatic example of an impossible command. If you succeed you fail. If you fail you succeed you fail you succeed…
There is a metaphysics of mortgages.
Philosophy is anti-social.
Free thinking is free from constraints, free from logic, and free from ideas.
The greatest failure of all time.
Since Russian media is censored in the west when specific reports are published there must be a certain selection effect. They must be legally permitted by the security services.
Very much an eccentric theology.
God cannot laugh as laughter is the recognition of contradiction and perfection cannot contain contradiction. This satanic capacity of man is the beauty of the world!
You and he and you and he all queue up behind the q.
That which is reinforced by denouncement.
Argumentum Colombo. If he who commits a crime can be known there must be one who knows. Every crime has a perpetrator therefore there is a knower.
Sadness is written in youth but published in middle age.
To fail is human. To succeed is Satanic.
Text is inanimal.
Tom Hiddleston is a woman's idea of a sexy man. You should have asked a lad.
You fast for forty days?! Well we eat in the night. Oh. Oh right, no I guess that is still impressive. Yeah, no well done. I mean, no but...
The Lady Bird 'How it Works' book of lazy commercial irony.
The halo effect explains why people cant understand that courage can be bad if pointed in the wrong direction.
A return to Hegelian dialectical idealism. Marxist dialectical materialism depends on a performative connection between ideas and matter.
That metaphysical poetry of pedantic objective doggerel popular in science documentaries.
When did pre-truth end?
"I want my country back" - Magma
Nothing major just happened in Southampton.
We must remember that the overwhelming majority of sad loners like me are peaceful and moderate.
Boy was Francis Fukuyama having us on!
Human Remains
No dogs or rural bigots
Minister for Propaganda Ian Hislop
I'm going to redouble my efforts to be a good man but twice zero is zero no matter how many times I do it.
Over half a million people died in France last year.
When will our efforts be redoubled?
I don't need to tell you that apophasis is a rhetorical device wherein the writer brings up a subject by denying it needs to be brought up.
I'm not going to use apophasis
I'm so over the moon.
Yeah I know Brexit means Brexit but what does Brexit mean? Which one? The second one. I think that one means Brexit too.
"Brexit means Brexit" - someone who doesn't understand how a dictionary works.
A strong independent woman floating in the vacuum of space.
Culture Secretary has a maths degree and worked in accounting. Sweet.
Anyone with the inability should be able to reach the very bottom.
Thoughts or prayers
Performative clash of civilisations
US President is one of the most over represented groups in cinema. Less than one in a billion people are a US president.
The European Parliament looks like it was designed by Wimpey Homes.
"We face an existential crises" - Yeah, but so do I every day, and do you see me whingeing about it?
Conservatives are the most competent at looking competent while not being competent when the only competence required is looking competent.
If you work hard, nothing is impossible. Such as breaking the law of contradiction.
You were the future once
We will get broken promises down to the tens of thousands
"I'd rather have the choice of piss or shit than no choice over a piece of gold."
Together we will make Britain sure that it has made the most of its life compared to its graduating class.
Together we will make Britain stop waking in the night and crying at things left unsaid.
Together we will make Britain comfortable with its sexual fantasies.
Together we will make Britain less insecure about parental love.
Together we will make Britain never suffer from impotence again.
Being aspirational was only ever an aspiration
Every scientific discovery is weirder than the last.
Doomsday argument suggests we're most likely to be half way through capitalism?
A brick through a window is never acceptable. Unless, maybe, it is passed politely between two builders?
Post-feudalism?! Yeah right.
The problem with meritocracy is those with the most merit have the least talent.
You say l’Union Européenne (UE), I say European Union (EU)...
Which is worse?
Say what you will about Hitler, at least he wasn't unelectable.
Say what you will about Hitler, at least he was electable.
"Together we will build a better Britain" - imagine actually saying that.
The Resume
"Together we will build a better Britain" X "Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful."
disunelectable
People like me have a natural propensity to say things like this.
Better to end with a "doo doo... right" than a Chilcot enquiry.
I take a zero-tolerance approach to intolerance.
UK's oldest person dies aged 113, followed by the birth of its youngest person.
I feel like a stranger in my own country. Not because of immigration, but because I'm strange.
Bitcoin is the dream of apolitical money.
"What is the point of being in power for the sake of it if we can't instigate the radical change we want" - Conservative MP.
Should the UK provide you, the viewer, with the most interesting two months in recent political history?
Fiat money is like grade inflation. Everything always gets better.
At least they were so considerate as to include an automated apology in their algorithm.
Also, obviously Pareto optimality is dependent on initial conditions. The optimal Pareto optimality.
Even Pareto efficiency leaves out questions of which measure to use.
Treating government as a mathematical optimisation problem completely ignores the political question of optimise what?
You know when some dad goes 'I'm proud of my son'? Is that a sin?
Not only infinite aliens across the universe but infinite cosmoses and aliens INSIDE MY BODY!
A good song is like a house, they are both completely different from each other.
If music be the food of love play on. Not this, I don't like Queen.
What a great fountain of beauty impotence is. It gave us war and the car crash as well as the multitude of non-existent people.
It was the same words that came out of my mouth as went in my ear but they'd changed somehow on the journey.
I wish my lust was more of a prude.
I often think if there were just one more letter of the alphabet I should be able to express myself fully.
I arranged some words in my mouth but what came out bore little resemblance to any thought I've ever had.
Some win at tennis and some lose, but if watched in reverse it is always the server who loses and pockets the ball in anger.
The moon caused everything and everything caused the moon. But I would say that, because I'm a loon.
Is it better to be rationally irrational or irrationally rational? I'll never know for I cut off my leg so I might eat my toe.
I know I can 'have it all', but can I have nothing if I want?
Criticising your parents is a life's work.
I thought he liked me, but it turned out he was just nice.
"And it is a work that has had international significance." - Michael Gove in his foreword to King James Bible.
(Michael Gove wrote a foreword for the King James Bible)
"I will make Europe pay for that wall"?
Don't worry! Someone else understands it for you!
The true atheist must deny any metaphysical content from the natural sciences.
A form of vile racist invective from the mentally ill that should make you concerned for the offender.
Hug a Leaver
Where is the headmaster? He is fixing the roof. Isn't that beneath him? No, you're thinking of the floor.
When the students doubt the intellect of the headmaster.
Not leaving but drowning
The Leave vote was a cry for help
In the last weeks of my dad's life he took to buying 20+ lottery tickets a day. And these are the animals you expect to vote rationally?
It is as if Remain voters had never heard of suicide
When people buy the ludicrous overpriced paracetamol they do so out of gratitude for at least having a symptom recognised by a box.
Every loser seeks retribution
Once upon a time, (1/534987002)
"the slogan ‘take back control’ was a piece of political genius. It worked on every level between the macroeconomic and the psychoanalytic."
Reading politics through a left-right prism is like reading a map in terms of up-down.
Article -50
The Leave campaign is getting ready to put forward Charles II to uninstigate Article 50.
Rational irrationality is exactly the idea I have been searching for.
The Leavers are going to feel the dread of the atheist. Turns out it's a lot easier to argue against something than construct an alternative
The master must never try to reason with the slave, it insults the intelligence of both of them.
You can have £100 or £100 and give me a day's labour. I choose the latter since what I have to give you is worse with the former.
The freedom to obey
Thou shalt do what thou wish
Obey what? Obey rational self interest?!
We are no longer given the option to obey.
The elites promised us more jam and the people asked for more symbolic order.
Analysis has mistakenly considered the lower class to be further down the hierarchy of needs.
The Leave vote was not caused by an excess of patriotism but by a longing for it.
Uncertainty is an innuendo for certainly bad.
Police with assault rifles do a great job everyday terrifying me.
Would the question have had a different psychology if it were phrased as "Shall" instead of "Should"? Would it have had a different answer?
"People power" - crazed teenage fool. "Democracy" - sane politician. The power of translation.
I want to be country to change PM
Country want to be PM to change I
Realism is what happens before you wake up.
We now expect austerity to continue for one or two billion years. At least for one million years after the termination of life on Earth.
We can finally admit to ourselves that democracy is our worst nightmare.
You dare to play party politics with the national interest? Then I dare to play spite with mine own interests.
I voted Leave to create self imposed pandemonium, and instead what I've got is a competent political class.
We're all out of this together.
Can we have free movement of the immigrant's GDP growth contribution only?
But, George, I thought fiscal contraction was expansionary?
We've had enough of expats
Triggering Article 50 was only ever an aspiration.
Our absolute red line is that we must have freedom of movement without freedom of movement.
Capitalism is a solution to the problem of boredom.
Genuine piece of genius to not have a constitution
More thought more filth.
Human labour may die away without any death of human misery.
I knew I was deluded, but I didn't know I was deluded.
This is a hill I’m willing to live on.
People say that you shouldn't eat processed food but photosynthesis seems like a more complicated process than mincing.
I respect the ambition of Christianity. At least it is a grand failure unlike the modest failure of the Enlightenment.
I'll let AI take my job if it will also take my personal life.
Submission to the absolute functions tautologically iff the I is not the absolute. Evolutionary theory tries to absolutise the I by rendering it tautological but the dialectics of the I render it untautologicisable.
Optimism is indexical. “I’m optimistic” means “I have unrealistically high hopes” which means “I think things will be better than I think things will be”. As an example of Moore’s paradox it equivocates on the I. The radical reading is that the I is that which equivocates.
God is dead but what to do with the corpse?
You can't polish a turd. But you can sort it into different categories of recycling.
A defence of the word “should” against its advocates.
A liberal is someone who is willing to kill children in order for girls to go to school.
Why Bertrand Russell is a Christian
If nothing is impossible then it is possible for there to be nothing and therefore nothing is possible.
Nothing changes everything.
The only thing worse than being a husband is having a husband.
In heaven everyone falsely believes themselves to be king. That's the only way they could all be happy.
Education is a colossal waste of money with no tangible benefits but on the plus side you also get to have a critique of education.
Rich people have more to complain about because they are used to people listening to them.
The scapeGOAT
The purpose of the working class used to be to produce things, now it is to consume things.
We demand the right to choose! Between what and what? I don't know.
Robert Kilroy-Silk!
If remain had won that would have been the end of political analysis for ever.
The railways invented the city and the internet will dismantle them.
Inside and outside the virtual England
I can't stand by as we give more and more or our hard won sovereignty to Mark Zuckerberg
Everyone can be in the top one percent!
Successful conservatism depends on more than half thinking they are in the top half.
Anti-politics is only slightly more political than politics.
The freedom to be forced to move to get a job.
In this battle of winners vs losers, the losers won and the winners lost.
May is like the horse in animal farm - "I must try harder".
A trillion years is one I hadn't heard before.
The Thick of It really stuck it to the establishment. That is why they constantly quote it.
"They're not neo-Nazis, there is nothing new about them, they are just Nazis"
Children don't really believe in Father Christmas, but adults really believe they believe. A bit like adults and God and atheists.
I didn't answer the question 'Should the UK remain...' I answered 'Which set of consequences do you choose?'.
I have the world's slightest six pack!
The referendum was about the EU? I thought we were voting for pandemonium. Except I'm not being ironic.
The worst thing about the EU is one of those guys had curtains. Too fashionable, too soon.
Have you ever noticed how asparagus smells like your wee smells after eating asparagus?
What this country needs now is for all the Savile Row tailors to work together to produce a truly exceptional suit.
Us stringent atheists should probably hold off for a bit. We are at great risk of being misunderstood.
Don't worry, I know it's been a bit of a slow news week but Chilcot is out in a week.
"the existing Left which is well-known for its breath-taking ability to never miss a chance to miss a chance"
For heaven's sake man, go in around three months more or less!
We want to die as subjects not objects.
Can the Labour party exist in a world without labour? Its aim should be its own extinction.
"One of the best things a leader can do is be a hate figure for his team to unite against" - Shackleton (I think)
To be fair to the government we've all had the thought that 'if I don't plan for disaster it can't happen'
We have been guests in our home long enough. Now we want us to leave.
I voted as a European and asked the British to leave since they have been an indecorous guest.
“Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent.” - Mao Ze Dong
What is so awful in politics is that nothing ever changes. The only thing worse is when something changes.
The fear of terrorism over a road accident is because we are deeply concerned in how we die. Some charm in a road accident?
If a leave vote was in the EU's interest but not Britain's would you vote for it given the higher population of EU? Selfless heroes.
We have given the EU a glorious opportunity to reform. Their aim should be for us to beg to be allowed back in 10/25 years
We'd like to offer you the job, congratulations! When can I resign? Immediately!
You foolish naive Utopians! All we need to do is put Chukka Umunna in place and we'll win entry into Elysium.
"I made - my family - disappear!"
"That which explains everything explains nothing"
Any question can be answered in a mode of either late or early Wittgenstein
Labour MPs knew to only have a vote when you know what the outcome will be.
Our parents thought having sex was revolutionary. It's no wonder they fucked us as well as each other.
The bad thing about austerity is that it fosters racism, but the good thing is that it depresses GDP growth and prolongs deficit reduction.
British unemployment for British unemployed
The shadow shadow cabinet
The Labour party are the all important opposition, but the government is merely the opposition of the opposition.
Currency devaluations have a different psychological aspect depending on if they are caused by something you did or done to cause something.
"Not being racist, but" has become "speaking as a racist."
The Open Society and its Enemas
Could Chilcot be the final nail in the coffin of the Labour party?
Something beautifully absurd about how the Labour party have managed to make this about *their* divisions
One of the frustrations of the politically engaged is that politics is not for you, but explicitly designed for the unengaged.
The political aspect of Bitcoin's dependence on 'block mining' may become relevant as well as fascinating.
"May you live in interesting times"
A poetic nation that chose fictional metaphor over evidence
Someone whose only ambition is to become prime minister makes a very unambitious prime minister
It felt like a radical act to pretend to believe self-evident lies
"We've never had so much jam"
When the Chinese write a history of Britain 2016 will mainly be about shadow cabinet resignations.
The shadow cabinet is now actual shadows
The relative cost of renting space and money
Yes, the EU has some good points but then again it was EU funds that subsidised production of The King's Speech.
Even idiots don't like being called idiots. Especially idiots.
History isn't finished yet?
"I'm the greatest city in the world"
How much does it cost to take out a full front page ad in the Telegraph? You pay me?
Quadruple denim (hat)
Three months must be a record for the longest fucking off in history.
It is absolutely imperative that we have an electable leader in place to lose the next election
He was so open minded that he believed there were no open minds outside the M25.
Everyone is welcome apart from the majority
Project Unfear
I can't buy anything from my local co-op because we don't have a trade agreement in place
Politics is economics, economics politics.
TTIP mentions health
Eating is the lowest form of entertainment
Hungry Brown Dog, Unhungry Brown Dog, Hungry Unbrown Dog, Hungry Brown Undog.
Liberal Rural Elite, Bigoted Metropolitan Elite, Liberal Metropolitan Underclass etc etc
And the god of gags hath given us comparisons between the UK's EU referendum outcome and the current European football tournament
"If the theory doesn't fit the facts change the facts."
Some people think the earth is round, some think it is flat. Centrists believe it is hyperbolic.
We should ask Trident's Lt Cdr Woods to initiate Article 50. He has been coached.
The power to overthrow the referendum result is an available option for Glastonbury.
Just because you act dumb doesn't mean you are not dumb
The Big Society
The EU has prevented nations from succumbing to protectionism by threatening to be protectionist against them if they leave
Having separate places to live and work is one of the greatest inefficiencies. Half the day one is empty the other half the other is.
Get everyone out of Canary Wharf and turn it into housing
When you vote for something it has to happen, like a manifesto pledge.
I am hugging a hoody, my ex lover's limp unwashed hoody, sobbing. Violin swells.
Vote Blue, Go Green
For politics fans this is like a supergroup formed of the superbowl, Woodstock and Terminator 2. Popcorn sales are gonna go through the roof
I think the population is probably less concerned about not having an effective opposition as it is about not having an effective government
You Remainers think you're so clever but your attempt to understand why I voted Leave is like a dog trying to understand why I'm crying.
What the Labour party needs now is someone who can lead them back into Iraq.
The Labour party and Conservative party should both split in two and swap halves to make the Labservative and Conour parties. Actually.
The Labour party exists to assuage Islingtonian guilt.
The British public has now issued an official triple donkey dare to parliament to disobey them.
You can't have someone who hasn't won a general election negotiate the terms of leaving. A general election opens up myriad possibilities.
Are you really clever enough to understand false consciousness right now? Do you understand your own mind?
Opinion polls should be used to decide who serves first at Wimbledon.
Those in Zone 2 get two votes? And an extra one for every degree they have? Extra votes are available as part of Waitrose essentials range.
The first opposition party in the European Parliament
"But what if we blow the conch and they don't come back?"
The purpose of elections is to eliminate any possibility of democracy
The Greek for No is Oxi, which means Yes in European
We should have a referendum on whether we think we are a democracy and if we think we are the result is thrown out and if not it's accepted
A word salad would involve the appropriate terms carefully assembled into a pleasing and nutritious whole. What I produce is word pavlova blended with word mince meat and piped over out of date word oysters laced with word scrap metal shavings.
The sound of MDMA without the MDMA.
The best way to divide people is metaphysics.
Darwinian evolution is a Christian theory. It claims a tautological rationality in the desire to reproduce and a denial of the death wish. As if the definition of the I was self multiplication.
Analysis is psychopathic in that it looks at the television but does not watch it.
They call it a punchline for no reason. Only the tragic hits like a punch.
They say a fast car is compensation for a small penis. But a big penis is compensation for a small phallus. And a big phallus is compensation for a slow car.
Penis envy envy
Depression is beneath me. How could I utter that medical banality when I have tasted the cruel hell of misery.
I don't want to own a car. Not because I'm frightened that I might kill somebody. But that I might enjoy it.
When you have made the kind of animal that can sit down and do as it is told you have made one that can do nothing else but sit down and do as it is told.
“Nobody remembers that weird thing you said at that party” - Mathew to Jesus a couple of days after the sermon on the mount.
Love wins because we hate losers.
"Read the room." "It's badly written."
The truth is low status because it’s free.
I'm perfectly cowardly in that I adopt any social convention of thought when it is accepted by two thirds of my peers.
Electric cars powered by overhead cables like trams or dodgems.
Long Term Class War
It is deeply irresponsible to vote in a referendum
Eton does a fantastic job in churning out mediocrities
Worth looking up the etymological origin of the 'cut off your nose to spite your face' idiom.
We were not allowed to see the TTIP negotiation documents!
"Elections can not be allowed to change the economic policies of any country" - Dr Wolfgang Schäuble
"The paradox of neoliberalism is that it's not new and it's not liberal" - Chomsky
Why weren't we offered an 'in and against' argument?
*The dialectic
Labour-SNP Chaos
Gosh
Coffee is essentially a means to rent out seats
Merit is easily bought
Obviously I don't care about GDP but want to know real GNI per capita.
How do I express dissatisfaction with the Troika's austerity program?
Falling sterling will be bad for the city and the south east and good for manufacturing base.
The irony is that the one thing that might reduce immigration is having a shit economy and generally awful country
There is a leave risk as there is a much smaller remain risk but fortunately I'm not a wussy.
Immigration target impossible in EU. As it is in general. And also undesirable.
There is only one superfood and it's refined sugar.
Is the rebate like cashback? Does the government remember to claim it?
At the centre of the EU is a room called experts and inside that are the QI research team.
Are people seriously still talking about in work benefits for migrants? A petty nation, to be fair.
The opposition party in the European parliament is...
I'm so far up the hierarchy of needs I live in pure symbols
Count your chickens before they hatch and calculate probability distribution for how many will hatch
Can the whole world join the EU? Ridiculous?
We have had huge economic growth since 1975, are you seriously telling me that has nothing to do with Queen releasing Bohemian Rhapsody?
The correct name for a one way door is a turnstile
They should make London part of EU like West Berlin in West Germany. Extend Tunnel from Dover?
The United Kingdom of London
The United Kingdom of England
I quite like Guernsey. I come from Channel Island herd dairy farm stock.
Can we formulate a way to introduce fiscal union for the Euro countries that doesn't alienate the non-Euro ones. That is my main concern.
All this wasted energy that could have been spent on reforming the EU
Existential choice? As in the UK won't exist anymore?
You know in the closing stages of a rugby match the losing team has a wild go at risk taking. That explains a lot of the leave vote.
Family incomes will drop by £1500. Does that mean I will earn -£1500?
Please do not screen Melancholia on eve of vote
Existential crisis writ large
I'm voting for hope and optimism. Oh no, that isn't an option.
It's so much easier to make this a racists against nice people debate though.
Do predictions of GDP growth include population growth projections? Can someone do a real per capita GDP comparison?
The Conservative manifesto pledge to bring immigration into tens of thousands is a genuine outrage.
Experts should be believed but not obeyed.
Of which European elected politician can I ask why austerity?
The USA, Canada, and Australia all want us to remain, but why don't they want to join the EU? I don't think that is a ridiculous question.
Whatever I vote for, it will be reluctantly.
When considering the nasty politicians who want a leave vote, worth remembering how Churchill lost vote after winning more than an election.
How long after UK endorsement of EU austerity that calls for fiscal union are (rightly) made?
Germany depends on the demand control on other countries but lectures about running a surplus. No currency union without fiscal union.
Wolfgang Schäuble's ridiculous insistence that Greece run a 3.5\% primary surplus.
Falling sterling would be bad for the South East but good for manufacturing base. March of the makers George?
After six months, I will retract that statement.
Any deal for access to the single market will involve accepting free movement of people as now. Why are we talking about immigration at all?
Raph, you are a native English aren't you? Yes. Can you impart some ancient wisdom? Ok, nullius in verba. Wow, you are such a novelty.
"Such a lie to say income tax is 20\%. It is 0\% because you get it back in spending on hospitals and infrastructure."
Graduations of irony
False false conciousness
Come to UK for authentic English experience. Have ennui in a Costa on the M1.
Up to 5.6027345789234579873\% Have any of you ever run a simulation?
Post hoc ergo propter hoc
so-called 'sentences' so-called 'encode' so-called 'meaning'
'I am an idiot therefore I shouldn't vote' - dangerous idiot or clever idiot?
In 2015 we were asked to be irrational, now we are expected to be rational all of a sudden?
I want more immigration. I want to leave the EU. Therefore I am an idiot?
Just think Tim Peake could've been a teacher and helped educate children, but decided to waste his life flying into space for no reason.
We are a simulation running in a science lab in 2050 to see why WWIII happened and I don't think you can be certain what that recommends
Wankers of the world unite!
Does Brexit threaten the terminal crisis?
Science is the criticism of common sense
Could there be an empirical means to test whether it is a growing block universe or eternal one? If not then lets pass over it in silence?
Depressive realism - nothing remotely 'mad' about suicide in the individual or the group.
Scientists being almost universally for remain vote might tell you more about the class make up of scientists than anything else.
In 2030 it transpires VW electric car motors are just cardboard boxes with internal combustion engines in and a CD playing digital bleeps.
Imagine a visible universe size gravitational wave passing through infinite flat(ish) space that could lead to the dense state 14 Gyr ago.
A company is defined not by what it does, but by what it stops others from doing.
I give less than one fucks, where number of fucks given is a natural number including zero.
The importance of being Ernest Gove
Tolerate thy neighbour
If you don't do your homework, I will have no choice but to beat you.
Is trade with the non-EU countries hindered by not being in a union with them? Should we also make an un-EU?
Ok, now fairly sure we are living in a simulation.
Sometimes I sit and congratulate myself on a subtle athiest non-physicalist world view
Every world citizen is a racist apart from the ones in the EU.
The USA has zero net immigration and is insular because it is not in the EU
All Americans are racist because they are not in the EU
Must. Get. Off. Twitter. Until. Caffeine. Wears. Off.
'Weakest recovery in 50 years' - ONS
The thing about AI is - imagine if you had a laptop as a body - how would you talk to people?
Loser and proud
Keynes' global currency involved a tax on trade surplus
Do you want to be a loser or a winner? I'll be a loser thanks because I don't like you.
Austin's analysis of rural/metropolitan divides accurately describes the difference between Remain and Leave
Before I'm anything I am a human being but before that I'm a Londoner or a non-Londoner
The reason the USA has such a bad scientific output is because it isn't in the EU
It's not the economy stupid
It is not a sin to act against rational self interest
I'm so arrogant, I don't even give enough of a shit to try and impress you.
If we vote to leave can we stick the queen in a dinghy and push her out to sea at Calais?
Saw a bin in London with one hole for recycling and another for general waste 'including food'. Does anyone else find that absurd?
Organic cyanide
The robots can have an economy and we shall have financial services.
There is no politics now, only economics.
That's just called buying something.
It isn't gambling when you know you are going to lose money.
You can't frighten the unemployed with threats of job losses
Little blooms of life and civilisation flash across the universe
If you are really thinking about the future then obviously the end of humanity on a radically different Earth yeah
Essentially, if you are a winner (live in London) vote in. If you are loser (don't live in London) vote out.
If I were a British citizen I would vote in out of rational self interest. However, I actually am a British citizen so vote out in revolt.
Successive Conservative leaders stoked up anti immigrant sentiment. Now they pay for it. The end of the two major parties please.
"Troika’s demands for Greece to run ridiculously high 3.5\% primary surplus". If we are in Europe that should be our problem.
The strange thing about bigots saying homosexuality is 'unnatural' is that I reckon we were way more bisexual in prehistory.
"I worry that the UK leaving the EU could jeopardise peace" - German citizen on Radio 4. A German. An actual German said that. German.
Does no one else think it would be amusing to see a parliament at odds with its population?
True creativity involves thinking inside the box.
The UK had a beginning, it will have an end.
Everything that has ever happened is to do with the EU referendum. E.g. What does it mean for tropical frogs?
Would me giving a shit help?
The biggest not of all!
In a world without cats the definition of dogs would be simpler.
The tragedy of the world is its comedy. The comedy of the world is its tragedy.
That the world is comic is its tragic element.
The tragedy of the world is it doesn’t want to be understood.
Death by confusion.
The tragic demand for respect in such terms that it can never be given.
Intelligence is an honorific.
Friends are better than the truth. It is impossible to write that down so we must write down the opposite. The truth is better than friends.
Truth hurts. But not everything that hurts is true.
The perfect world contains much complaining because we take such satisfaction from making others hear our complaints.
The urge to rebel is the most easily manipulated impulse.
Can a man have a hand?
To have your cake and prove that the law of non-contradiction is contradictory!
Intelligent people are like bad oysters. They ruin every meal.
Be wary of useful facts.
The “Caffé Nero book prize” is poetry.
The USA was involved in WWII. They are not in the EU. That is a major threat to peace.
"Dare to mess with me and I may be forced to obliterate your pension filth"
People say I never use my NutriBullet, but actually I use it everyday because it protects me from having to use it.
Phillip Green demands 'biased' St Peter resigns
Despite every thing in his life going spectacularly his way, he still managed to harbour anger at the world.
I may be an infidel but I haven't committed infidelity.
"The traditional fabric of family life" IS infidelity.
Tim Peake represents everything that is wrong with the UK.
If we leave can we not let Tim Peake back in the atmosphere please?
"A because those who claim not-A are racist and making bad arguments" - bad argument.
Taking an objective view - could a reduction in UK power and influence be a good thing?
Calling me an uneducated moron is very persuasive
Yeah, but at least I know I'm irrational.
The Queen is faithfully devoted to rational self interest
"How can you put an issue as important as this to a popular vote"
If we were rational we would instantly cease
Is it rational to want a better life? I don't think so.
It is vitally important for the older man to stay in shape because he must do everything he can to distract attention away from the face
"You can tell the nutrients based on colour. You should eat a rainbow". Classic use of should.
Yeah, superfoods. Yeah. Superfoods.Yeah, sure, yeah, superfoods. Superfoods. Yeah.
Increasing living standards have led to unprecedented levels of neo-liberalism. Why not?
It is so hard to read irony in referendum votes.
The I is the splitting of a subject-object pair into an illusory subject and object, while itself being a subject-object.
I want what we shouldn't do.
My answer to the referendum question will be very much based on a late Wittgenstein interpretation of language.
Do you think Sadiq Khan was disappointed when he found out that it is the other Mayor of London that gets the outfit?
If I can't be racist in my own country, where can I be racist? Vote remain.
Shall we solve the problem of musical chairs by having enough chairs or by giving every child a knife?
"Obviously creativity and analytical functions are not separated into the right and left brain" - classic right brain thing to say.
The whole point of a democracy is that voters are biased.
Turing's teacher said 'he's not suitable material for a public school education, but is a mere technical specialist'
I'm begging you, give me someone to obey!
Yanks be like 'Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs'. Brits be like 'Babbage, Lovelace, Turing'.
This campaign has become totally meta. The question should be 'which campaign ran the more effective counter-campaign?'
Judaism is the proposition. Christianity is the negation. Islam is the negation of the negation.
Got this idea that Christianity, Islam and atheism form an ontological Borromean knot
I'd be like - today is a day for us to feel angst about meaningless fornication and the imminence of death. Like every day. Until death.
Sadiq Khan's Ramadan message veering a little too far in the direction of vicar's sermon.
Fruit is just a plant's advert.
Fruit = sugar, acid and fibre. One of those is good.
The opposite of Ramadan is the NutriBullet
The ontology only allows improvements through an act of consumption. Dare I say... Ramadan Mubarak.
Strange that the Thatcher loving right have failed to recognise one of her great achievements - the negotiation of a massive 66\% rebate.
I saw an advert in a hospital that wasn't trying to rip me off and had a heart attack.
I have often argued for something hoping I would lose so I can say 'told you so'.
Do we know what will happen if we remain? Asteroid?
In a parallel universe we are having a referendum on a citizens wage.
"I don't particularly have an opinion, but I do worry that the UK will become even more of a pawn to the US if it leaves" - Chomsky
Genuinely - why doesn't the USA want to join the EU?
Is it necessarily irrational to do something you know you will regret.
Of course we will have the same terms if we leave (same immigration, contribution, laws) but we wont be kidding ourselves that we chose them
I feel like it is quite Buddhist to think self interest is rational
In the new world order perhaps we should assume voters are rational self haters
Self interest is an axiom if you will
Rational self interest has to start with self interest. Self interest isn't rational in and of itself. Rational self destruction is possible
When you are unemployed you shrug at threats of job losses
Can someone compare the relative effects of austerity and leaving the EU on GDP growth? Us britz is well up for shit economy.
Don't worry, no matter how bad the economy gets, death is always available as an option.
What's weird about the 350 million lie is that I don't think there is any difference between how big 160 and 350 million seem
We will get it down to tens of thousands. Thirty three tens of thousands.
If cancer were eliminated GDP would fall.
It would take a particularly stupid person to vote for something because voters for that thing tended to be more intelligent.
The great thing about the EU is that it permits free trade deals such as TTIP and provides a social-democratic framework to challenge TTIP.
"this is a good government" - some people who actually exist
Would it crash the economy more or less than attempting a fiscal consolidation in the middle of a recession?
I Am Some Guy
Could we make robot consumers for all the robot factory workers' produce?
Human nature is a contradiction
Will somebody please think of the deficit?!
Over a thousand road deaths a year. Lets be frightened of terrorism though.
"Output per worker-hour is lower now than it was at the end of 2007." - Long Term Economic Plan.
The deficit!?
£350 million a week? What is that, like a 1 bed flat in zone 2?
2 vulnerable. 2 weak. 2 harsh. 2 brutal.
The difference between bombast and vulnerability is a stomach ache
The point is not to change the world, but to understand it.
I believe human beings are inherently nothing
To be an actor you just have to be arrogant. To be a writer you just have to be vain. But to be a director, you have to be a true cunt.
"Love music, hate racism." - hate speech.
Consistently irritated by lumping religion in with race, gender etc. Choice is a critical difference.
"Proud Catholic"
A more advanced alien race lands on earth. Sorry, you are not allowed in our humanist churches. The atheists will welcome you though.
The year 3000. Atheist/humanist conflict a scourge of the globe.
Could atheists vs humanists be the next Sunni vs Shia or Protestant vs Catholic?
Does anyone actually want facts?
This house believes A=A.
The EU referendum was called because it is so much easier to debate questions where you know the answer
'We are each here for but a short time' - piss off Hawking you prig.
I know not with what weapons WWIII will be fought; I'm not Einstein, I can't even use the idiomatic 'I don't know'.
Imagine an advert aimed at a rational consumer.
"A war between UK and Germany has become unthinkable, lets hope it remains that way" - If its unthinkable how can you imagine it?
Perhaps the main criticism of the labour theory of value shouldn't be that it is false (it isn't), but that it is tautological.
Why can't/won't the USA join the EU?
If the referendum was should we A) launch a nuclear attack on London, or B) not launch a nuclear attack on London, I'd vote A. Seriously.
I'm a Marxist because I don't care about humans, just numbers.
Most job interviews are just an exercise in how well you can pretend to be stupid.
Posts must be under 140 characters and glib.
Language is abstract violence
Sorry, but when I start a sentence with 'sorry, but' I'm not really sorry, but being a twat.
We should offer military assistance to Iraqi government precisely because it was a mistake to invade in the first place.
If the USA joined the EU, would that be good for its economy?
superfoods for superchumps
Varying theoretical schemes for bridging the micro and macro in economics and physics.
The mathematicalisation of economics is a political act
The general theory of relativity doesn't tell us anything about how we should choose to move.
Third choice in referendum could be 'I have a Platonic contempt for democracy'
The earth looks with indifference at the blink that is human history. As the universe looks at the earth.
A decade long hysteria that began with the death of Diana.
Iraq war is a legitimate argument for a weaker and not a stronger Britain.
Stalinism is to Marxism what Humanism is to atheism; a category error.
As we Marxists must explain Stalinism, moderate Islam must explain radical Islam.
Any piece of government legislation that's too complicated for the population to understand has been intentionally designed for exactly that
Most people want to vote for whosoever will win. Others don't.
If you vote out of rational self interest then the most important thing is what people will think of you since it wont come down to one vote
What the world needs to continue in its current mode is an alien planet who we can provide financial services to.
The EU and peace. Correlation not causation. Fool not twat.
"Its too complicated for you to understand, just leave it to us." "If you tried to understand me it would be like a kitten reading Joyce."
The best way to reduce immigration is to make England shit and undesirable. Like a civil war or something? A new Eternal album?
When they wrote the election pledges do you think they sort of pretended they would keep them or just openly laughed at the saps.
At least we are running a human being surplus.
Manifesto pledges are like children. They just keep coming back to annoy you. Literally fuck off.
Some things are more important than money, but they can all be bought.
Gender similarity is a class signifier.
Personality is more superficial than beauty. Depth is inferior to superficiality.
Money creation ex nihilo as is standard in the contemporary economy is more bewildering than a “magic money tree”. Do lemons grow on a magic lemon tree? Yes they do, but can you imagine creating a lemon and an unlemon by lending someone a lemon from nothing?
Confused by his own confusion.
When given the choice between frustrated wants and delusion. Give me sweet delusion.
Me and my student loan are in a battle to the death.
In the future cars will be fed their fuel in carefully prepared meals and there will be television programs celebrating the best creations of petroleum delicacies.
You lack someone who lacks what you lack since what they lack is you.
Critical thinking is immoral.
In a characteristic lack of humour I’m finding 90s Welsh rock band Catatonia’s name to be in bad taste.
When I call something obvious it means I can’t explain it.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning.
My entire personality is paying high rent.
Gym membership dethroned Christ by taking the doctrine of pain from off his head.
If “happiness is the feeling of increasing power” then laughter is the pretence of increasing power.
Official ironies
Education is the propensity to use language in increasingly ridiculous ways.
We censor the untalented but they might have more interesting things to say.
The electric car is a great advance in efficiency. Slightly less efficient than the decades old electric train of course, but nevertheless.
Can you imagine a situation in which it were normal for employees to interview employers?
You're passionate about cookery. I'm passionate about extra-marital affairs. Can't we still get along?
... helping you to mix your individual sports supplements with minimal effort.
The Myprotein Blender Bottle is the most advanced sports supplement bottle on the market today,...
Elections were a cunning trick to redefine democracy.
Any serious political system must allow for human nature. I.e. It must allow rape and murder.
Capitalism has given us massive improvements and increases in everything from infinite health to Marxist literature.
In the summer of '69 Bryan Guy Adams was nine years old.
The great thing about the Junk inbox is that now you get to check two folders for junk.
In order to become a black cab driver you have to spend four weeks exclusively doing U-eys.
"I could watch all humanity starve to death and laugh in to a glass of Champagne. But I'm in love with analysis"
Humanity is essentially an algal bloom
I'm either a provincial bigot or a contrarian ass depending on whether I'm drinking coffee or alcohol, i.e. after 2pm.
Why? I don't know. Why? I don't know. Why? THE ONTOLOGY!
Friedrich Nietzsche was a notable producer of bombastic bull shit.
London doesn't exist
Imagine the future when London is a temperate woodland again with the occasional ruin, like it was in the seventies.
The most expensive thing on the menu is the language
A comedian is someone who can't understand an argument for leaving the EU
Privatising the rail network has undoubtedly led to massive improvements in the advertising of the rail network.
Criticism is the highest form of obedience
Is there anyone who thinks both that there should never have been a referendum and that we should vote out?
Negation, and negation of negation, and negation of negation of negation. All distinct.
Marxism is to capitalism what atheism is to Christianity it doesn't attempt to construct a positive alternative.
It's easier to go to the moon than eradicate poverty. Not because it is hard, but because it is easy.
Worth remembering that Adam Smith thought free trade was predicated on the free movement of labour.
"The real people forcing down wages are the exploited Chinese workers" - Chomsky
All we have to do to make migration a non issue is use a condom. Way easier and cheaper.
The Labour party must pay for the sin of Iraq.
The voting booth is your moment with God. This is between me and you smashed hat.
Voting as a performative act
I think you could make a case for Gillian Duffy being one of the most marginalised people.
The centuries old city rural divide in which we think you are decadent sinners and you think we are bigoted morons.
"This is too important for the people to decide!"
What this referendum shows is how much we hate being given an actual choice and disregard the judgement of our neighbours.
I'm not smart enough to be both anti murder and anti racism at the same time.
333,000 is another weirdly suspicious number. Why is it so close to a third of a million?
I'm the world's leading authority on me. It is a beautiful subject.
Migration is so much less effort than reproduction. I really can't be bothered with the latter. But I would like to indoctrinate *someone*
Really happy to see equal representation of women in the field of misogyny.
All legal acts will now be illegal
Instead of investing in a pension fund I'm investing in cigarettes to ensure I never need one.
The wrong side of death
Capitalist democracy? Are we either of those things? Don't we have a state-capital complex and elections?
Guys, it takes a lot of energy to be an asshole contrarian.
The true democratic act is one of spitefulness and petulance.
Rational self-interest vs irrational self-interest. Which is more moral?
I miss the last recession anyway. Isn't it time for the zeal of capitalism to be reinvigorated anyway, like an octogenarian on Viagra?
We're all frightened Gillian Duffy.
Never miss an opportunity to do something you may later regret.
If I could harness the nervous energy when I tell my friends I want out I could end global warming overnight.
(Odysseus)
My favourite part of the remain argument is the assumption that if we *could* control our borders we *would* choose to reduce immigration
But I though austerity was good for the long term economic plan. Wouldn't more austerity cause more long term economic planning?
When you are a straight white male, your CV is effectively a list of unconscious biases.
Liquidity trap may continue for extra two years
"Weakest recovery in 50 years" - ONS. We may be forced to continue if you dare answer the question we asked you incorrectly.
If you misbehave I may have to continue my unnecessary and damaging policy of an ill timed fiscal consolidation to punish you.
OMG the austerity headline is galling. It was a political choice to begin with!
How bad? The sort of person who thinks Mark Zuckerberg is inspirational.
I haven't read many books but I have bought quite a few
Not even failing
You wouldn't ignore wee coming out of your eye. You wouldn't ignore wee coming out of your nose. So why...
PC returned to sanity after a week in the Priory.
Oh my Nature!
I was going to observe a one minute silence but then I realised I was suffering from synaesthesia
What if the conservatives are the hopeless romantics? For instance deficit fetishism was the triumph of metaphor over empirical evidence.
A dialectic between materialism and idealism where neither can be true and neither can be false but form a paradoxical whole.
"All men are fucking mortal. Socrates was a fucking man. Socrates is fucking mortal." - Such a low level of argument.
I send my current account 350 pounds a month. I could be using that to buy drugs.
State Capitalism
Mugging Services
A utopian is someone who thinks reading newspapers is the best way to understand the world.
Had about a week of crazed excitement when I realised Bitcoin mining was a perfect example of Labour Theory of Value with computer labour
Everyone knows bookies odds are better predictors of elections than polls.
There isn't necessarily a straight line from Hayek to Thatcher
I'll be reliving the arguments of the last election till I die crawling around in the mud mumbling about the weakest recovery in 50 years
The difference between Science and science is absolute.
Isn't the whole point of democracy that unscrupulous individuals adopt policy that the population wants out of rational self interest?
But George, you are so good at the economy can't even you prevent a recession? Maybe another massive fiscal consolidation?
If the glove don't fit you must vote remain
I love numbers like 820,000. Find it funny how you'd come up with a number like that. The presence of the 2 is my favourite part.
Zero. It took me ten years to write that. They said write about what you know. So I wrote about nothing.
The PPE course at Oxford has a module called Advanced Being a Prick.
If someone is wearing a suit they are almost certainly ripping you off.
Is the EU good for free trade or workers rights or are they not opposites?
Only a professor could be that stupid.
Things are things that you want to be cheap. Houses are things you want to be expensive. So it is harder to buy one? I guess?!
In the democratic EU, how do I vote for or against TTIP?
Everyone should know that Elsevier are shysters.
Really good way to raise house prices might be to destroy half the houses?
The principal function of examinations is to humiliate the population and create compliant fools. Good luck kidz!
This is awful, accommodation costs might come down?!
The eyeballs wash themselves so why can't everything. I want to do a massive full body blink once a day.
1000 fag ends in an industrial estate.
A microwave is like Hitler; they are both things.
A molecule goes up to a galaxy and says hello. It's tense.
Prince Charles Uses Homeopathy on his Cows
Yes leaving is bad for the economy but then again mo money mo problems! (?)
'Heck no!' It was lame the first and second time.
When Beyoncé says 'me sing sing' it basically feels as inauthentic as if Brent were saying it.
TTIP alone should make hardcore lefties vote out mate. What would the Marxist Hayekian dialectic decide?
Debates are stupid anyway. Remember Socrates mumbling in the corner.
Can you provide us with some numbers? No, but I do some verys.
Bad = costs 1500 quid. Very very bad = costs 2000 quid.
Still, at least it's not very very very bad.
1 billion pounds is equal to 1000 very very pounds.
How being an island determines national conciousness.
Peak human population?
Post-Anthropocene blues
Dad wins court case on term time holidays. Loses respect of child.
Vote in or daddy will have to work late for his last two months as PM.
Me no understand fings. It will be vewy vewy bwad morwon. Ok daddy, me do chores.
The Life of Pablo is very conducive to Twitter rants
The real challenge is making robot consumers (spot the set up?)
Need a robot to crack the whip and robot managers.
Robot miners wont strike
When you are weak the best you can hope for is to undermine their symbolic system.
Laughing is remembering
Jameson’s remark that “consensus is a necessary requirement of irony” is sometimes deployed in reverse by performing irony in an attempt to demonstrate consensus.
Reading might be a way to prevent repeating what others have already said but there was a psychological benefit to falsely believing your ideas were original.
I'm against clout as a strategy to gain clout.
Prose is contraversial. Poetry is perverse.
Ask a child what they think about a film or other cultural product and they generally are only capable of saying if they liked or disliked it. Most of us never escape this.
History is procrastinating.
Poetry is controversial.
The tautology is the pure kernel of obscenity. It is the obsceme.
hypermetairononegativedoubledialectics
Distinctions and criteria
If street food is so great why did you open a restaurant?
Korean pop’s obsession with youth is a symptom of the absence of the young in South Korea.
Self expression is a mode of consumption.
1. Make carbon capture work. 2. Start burning our mountain of coal.
Karen Brady is obsessed with CVs
The sadness of the Twitter rant.
Seriously though, peace and love everyone.
How about anyone who can swim the channel is allowed in.
Can we take 300,000 refugees instead of middle class German and French. For real.
In Home Alone the burglars represent Merkel and Schäuble.
The EU debate comes down to whether the shark in Jaws represents globalisation or Marxism.
Exchange of money is coincident with exchange of goods or services. Therefore we must be buying £1500 worth of something by leaving.
Deficit pride. Net consumers 4 eva.
Voting out to make Schäuble pay some price for Greece. We run a trade deficit too!
How/who do I punish electorally for forcing that bailout on Greece?
The EU isn't a threat to sovereignty except where it has forced our government to do good things. Teacher steps in when democracy is naughty
The whole visible universe is negligible in size compared to infinite space. Think how crazy that is.
I believe in infinite space and infinite life
If we get rid of democracy we would be £1500 better off on average. Elections are a distraction from economic production.
Thinking of changing my professional name to Dr Raw Sounz
Literally don't know what a free market is. Like, a person can be free, I half get that, but a market?
Is money like mass and only positive or like charge and can be negative? Bitcoin could allow for negative money.
To all those people taking examinations over the coming weeks I'd just like to say 'ha ha!'
Even if humanity doesn't survive some other animal on earth might evolve to be more intelligent and avoid our catastrophe.
I just don't think it is necessary for me to know how big Kendrick Lamar's dick is. I think he's projecting.
Counter-terrorism officers stage terrifying pantomime terror attack
I wish I could afford to live in London and complain about how unaffordable London is from within.
Empiricist fundamentalism
There is a reason there hasn't been a war since 1945. That is when Helen Mirren was born. We must keep her alive or she may cause a war.
Anytime anyone talks to me about safety all I can hear is 'bwark buk buk buk buk".
Does Michael Fallon trust anybody? No, but he knows the truth is out there.
Zac Goldsmith's mum really knows how to set one up. They should put her on Have I Got News For You.
"Oh yeah, lets get ready for... the revolution... man" - some guy in a pub to George Stephenson.
You can just about give the Evening Standard away.
This is the price you pay for having children. They relentlessly take the piss out of you, mum.
Is there a single policy still left from the last budget?
Every work of art is a middle finger to someone.
Every documentary about astronomy is an attempt to conceal the fact no-one knows if the universe is infinite or not.
Do you like democracy?
Could NHS play dirty on new contract by immediately promoting all doctors off Junior status?
Forced to be free
The news at the moment is essentially a pub brawl.
Azealia Banks agrees with Piers Morgan.
A swarm of beautiful humans
A bunch of really wonderful people
The character of an analogy is obliquely revealing.
Should have listened to The College Dropout before taking my third degree. "My dad left me his degrees".
Truth About Consciousness and Spirituality Part 1
I actually think it IS possible to know what it's like to be a bat. Will explain later.
Everything I do. To annoy as many as possible. 4 EVA.
"You ain't married to an average bitch boy" - hard to disagree
Some people get more eco-cred for driving a Prius than, err... not driving.
Which is bigger; the universe or the vagina? (Symbolically)
There's a U shaped hole in my heart.
The thing about threesomes is that there are twice as many people to hurt you.
"Every colour of the rainbow represents a different shade of sadness" - a really upset elf
If there's something strange in your neighbourhood I would recommend first trying the police.
B nice 4 eva
Authorised vehicles only? How do I know if my vehicle is authorised?
At the end of a romantic relationship you don't know each other but you do have the "known unknowns".
14Gyr
Long term economic plan is clearly an ironic inversion of the five year plan.
Can you really tell me voting out of spite to annoy my friends is any less rational than voting 'in the national interest'?
Where is the section on the self assessment form where you write down your evasion savings?
loser and proud
Why the Government believes that returning this Government to power in 2020 is the best decision for the UK.
All democracy is ad hominem
Why the Government believes it would be sensible to ask you a question and then tell you what the answer is is the best decision for the UK.
“High Performing Bournville will always be striving to be better.”
Mondelez is properly sinister
Do you want to work in a factory where you are expected to meet all compliance requirements and are held accountable if they are not met?
... as much as possible through MVR (managed voluntary redundancy) for those who don’t want to be part of High Performing Bournville.
Every single colleague will be expected to display the right behaviours and attitudes to be part of High Performing Bournville.
"High Performing Bournville is this for me?"
The definition of impossible is distributing enough food for x people between x people.
There is no paradox in multiculturalism. The paradox is in culture.
The First Role of the University is to Manufacture Compliance
Fighting for control of the origin myth
Weirdly, the sugar tax doesn't apply to sugar.
I've never seen a piece of irony in a scientific paper.
The Great Species. The Species to End All Species.
De Niro et al, 2016.
Arguments based on our evolutionary history are the most suspicious of all.
"Most schooling is just training in stupidity and conformity" - Chomsky. How about introducing a GCSE in Stupidity and Conformity?
Obedience is more true than the truth
"Guys, I've lost the Iliad! What, just one copy? No, all of them!" - Really bad webmaster after all libraries are gone, 2097.
Education policy is usually a metaphor for all policy.
I might tie myself to a tree on referendum day like Odysseus. What ever I say...
A book that makes all your other books look ridiculous.
The political left and right are the same just with the time axis reversed.
We already have a universal citizen income it is just set at 0.0000 money per unit time.
Set the initial value of the universal citizen income at 1p per year. The symbolic gesture is achieved and then just a case of finding ideal
Broken at nineteen. The glued cracks are the strongest parts.
I is the set of all Is
All thought is cognitive bias
I0(I1,I2,I3,I4,I5...)
The solution to global warming is the condom.
Find Stephen Hawking cute for naively believing humanity can last more than a few hundred thousand years.
There is an Islam shaped hole in modernity.
False False Conciousness
Add a profound touch to your holiday by empathising with some peasants.
"Don't do anything to others that you wouldn't want done to you" is an outrageous attack on heterosexuals.
Speaking as someone who has made a lot of bad decisions I can say no need to worry about the EU referendum there is always drink.
But I want to be weaker, less safe and worse off. What should I vote for for that?
Someone just told me that we all die! Is this true?
England is a meta-country
Would you be happier though if you had 10 million dollars instead of 9. No, but I'll have an extra million dollars.
Imagine if I took my fear of terrorists and proportionately multiplied it death-wise to road traffic accidents!
I need to lose flab and gain muscle FAST but all the Mens Fitness regimes take upwards of 24hr.
I want to be a person who wants that but I just don't want that
statement + violence = question
Will these tiny spaceships have flea astronauts?
That bloody Bible is full of low acheivers
Can some one come up with a mathematical definition of wealth creation?
If I'm going to be swindled, I at least want to be swindled by a good swindler.
The Christians told me not to envy. And for that reason I choose to envy.
"Sheryl Sandberg's recent 'choreplay' campaign highlighted the fact couples who share chores have more sex." Does sex count as a chore?
Yeah, but the Telegraph should pay a premium for an international authority on climate science.
The most important thing to consider when voting in the EU referendum is 'ask a silly question, get a silly answer'.
When millennials are in old people's homes they will just get really good at computer games.
The dream of radicality through sex acts alone.
Text contra text.
An obsceme.
To thereforeiam. I thereforeiammed. I will thereforeiam. I am thereforeiamming.
The work of the ego is to create a system of signs in which it is king. But the king of signs is king of naught!
Bisexuality as an inability to repress desire. As an excess of introspection.
Derridas and Derridon’ts
Obsessions and refutations.
Self hatred loves itself so much it tries to reproduce!
The mouth really believes that it can pull you out of the mud.
The weight of history crushes us all in the end.
The tragedy of reproduction is you must also reproduce your failures afresh.
My insecurity’s bigger than yours!
Jesus would have had a paid for blue check mark.
Not quite being able to admit that you seek status so adopting a counter-status mindset to pretend to be anti-status as a play for status is so low status.
When you are young you want to change the world. Then you want to change yourself. Then finally you want to be able to afford an apartment.
Constantly searching for that next book which might constitute a kind of personal catastrophe.
I'm kicking a homeless person for charity. Money please.
I ran around London. Why? For charity. Fair enough. Money please.
Kiss my white arse
Giving a speech for my old school careers day on how to get in to being a profligate wastrel.
Has politics reached the Zero Lower Bound yet?
If you are immortal take my advice and don't mention it when applying for a pension.
The national conversation is one I'd rather not be in.
No, I'm the best.
Should it be wanking sadly or sadly wanking?
Money is that subset of objects which self describe their own symbolic content.
Great men are worst of all
Leave the antihypocrisy nonsense to the right
Who cares about economic mishandling when you can sneer at someone for being rich
Batman vs Superdelegate
Never trust a monogamist.
Torn between thinking it is all kicking off and it is all secure.
Offshore Tryst
What would a truly modern blasphemy look like?
The news is so biased towards human affairs. Why so few stories about tigers? Actually, there are quite a few. Forget that.
"I could have handled the handling of the handle better" - woman who failed to open door in front of girl she was trying to impress.
The positive root of mass is forwards time and the negative root is backwards time?
Perhaps negative mass and backwards time are the same thing?
The first role of the state is to watch us having sex
If Jesus were alive today he would be CEO of a multinational
I've never been to a gin joint.
The subjectification of men
Why news?
Profligate Prostitution Party Prologion
Evil is inherently civilised
In your dreams people think you're awful. In reality they don't think of you at all.
(sleep induced guilt)
Why is it now public sector workers who strike?
Not 'he's wearing a suit but not thinking' but 'he's wearing a suit and not thinking'.
Curing cancer would destroy the livelihoods of those in the palliative care industry.
The smallest unit of time is defined as how long it took for the first person to question the imbalance of power in Batman vs Superman.
Obviously doctors don't want to help people but just want to be celebrated for helping people.
Because I'm pro-hypocrisy I find it difficult when anti-hypocrisy could be to my advantage and find myself an antiantiantihypocrit.
"They are unanimous in their one star reviews for me—and I welcome their one star reviews." - FDR in parallel universe where he is stand up.
I am the antimohammed
The asymmetry of object and subject is what makes a sentence not a statement of fact but an action.
desirable untruths
Just 9 million pounds for leaflet printing? Do they do Edinburgh flyers?
"it displays a profound hostile silence towards..."
Infinite types of un
"Clinically depressed patients tend to show less of a self-serving bias than individuals in the general population."
Imagine not being deluded. It must be an awful nightmare.
Wax haven
Fax haven
Sax haven
Sex haven
Reason can only act on the original impulses so why criticise the reason to try to negate the impulses?
Some. Not zero.
I plan to vote out of self hatred and a self destructive impulse but no one is advertising with me in mind.
No one could afford Versailles for instance.
No one in the whole world owns a trillion dollars. They ain't so rich.
Just realised it should be the United Queendom. I'm about 80. Too late to do anything about it.
It's not that God as an explanation is too far fetched but that it is not far fetched enough.
I don't and I won't but I will won't don't won't.
Genuinely believe you shouldn't hold someone's twat dad against them.
Do not vs will not?
Yeah, but we all had a few too many at uni and set up offshore tax avoidance procedures.
Analogies are like families. They appear to prove things but actually they are total cunts.
The immorality of objectively analysing your own situation.
5 Gyr
But is it Science?
"I've just got a really low metabolism" - hibernating bear.
I've decided to cover my hair with a baseball cap to stop women from being tempted.
Regarding the objectification of women; I don't really know what the difference is between the grammatical object and subject. For real.
The beauty of a young girl's exuberant blaspheming.
Zero. It took me ten years to write that.
An unpound
In order for Mary to have given meaningful consent she had to be free to say no. Would you risk saying no to God?
Which will end first, the Labour Party or human labour itself? then there will be the Robot Party and the robots will vote for it.
In order to regain economic credibility we must reject credible economics.
Only people who are alive because they didn't try to fly can say 'we only regret the chances we didn't take'.
The extended phenotype with respect to capital.
Imagine if UK government ran surplus till it paid off all debt and then actually had SAVINGS. Shareholders and dividends?!
So shocking that the politician Iain Duncan Smith is playing politics with something as important as politics.
Also think the London map orientation is basically morally relativistic. There is no such absolute concept as North man, just where you are.
Fools turn maps around. London street maps are oriented according to what direction they point in. London is calling me a fool.
Caring about someone who is of no use to you? Huh?
A mother's love is unconditional. An uncle's love is very much conditional on a series of points set out in this document (see attachment).
Roller coasters aren't worth the risk. The risk of ennui following a vapid disappointing experience.
unsense vs nonsense
Life is not a sprint, it is what distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter; involving continual change before death.
"Both are practising Christians and believers in the concept of redemption." - god help us.
My house isn't in a mess, its just on fire.
"The weakest recovery in fifty years (ONS) is a fundamentally strong economic foundation" - The British people.
"The best way to increase a number such as 5 is to subtract another number such as 2" - The British people.
So-called Canadian.
"but they don't vote for us anyway"
Budgets are very much written for people who find numbers a bit difficult. And by them.
The unknot.
A city economist is like a footballer physicist.
What could teachers possibly know about teaching? What could doctors know about doctoring? What could economists know about macroeconomics?
A one trick pony is better than any pony I've ever seen. Ponies are rubbish. Ponies.
God on trial for the rape of Mary. The obscenity of Christ. Lovely chocolates. 2-4-1.
Bull shit sweet bull shit
"In normal times when the economy is fucked"
You can't have a family and a career. You can't have a career and a life. You can't have a life and check all supermarkets for the best deal
You can't help but give yourself away in your prose.
I dream of one day having the freedom to choose whether I'm ripped off by a landlord or a bank.
This household must live within its means. That is why I have stopped buying petrol for the car I need to get to work in.
If there was a god I'd be an aristocrat.
Once had an idea that negative mass led to negative time. Was drifting to sleep.
Astronauts still bragging about being astronauts? That's like me comparing myself to Charles Lindbergh for spending a weekend in New York.
Biased towards the truth
The aroma of imminent financial collapse is quite pleasant.
Clean against the queen
"government is best thought of as a giant insurance company with an army"
The greatest nation on earth? Damning with faint praise.
Went to a really inspiring speech where man told me to follow my dreams. Went to zoo and sucked a toilet door handle. Now sceptical.
Barbie sets a completely unrealistic ideal for women's bodies. Under one percent of real women are 15cm long.
I hope I never have to see a solicitor reveal my dad left all his money to Jihad.
Rom com that starts with the lips parting a wedding kiss
You are cordially invited to our undivorce.
Perhaps the human race... isn't a human at all. (Last line of fresh new rom-com)
A circle with Venn diagrams written inside it
Lover in law
Pan-sexual pan-European explosion
You may have been mis-sold PPI mis-selling representation.
Never trust anyone who uses the word we.
A yawning mass of 'we's, 'need's and 'should's.
Wherever some class marker exists those marked as low will have available to them the possible tactics of embracing, rejecting, or transcending that mark.
The I has non-transitive preferences and must be complex.
Disobey this!
Intellect as a form of weakness. A kind of sickness of the soul.
Qualium mechanics.
The beauty of thought is you can change your mind without having to change your behaviour.
A car has only fulfilled its function when it kills somebody. The car that is scrapped before this is a kind of manqué car.
Consider Hegel’s infamous remark “the owl of Minerva takes flight at night”. If we only understand afterwards can understanding be used to proclaim the end. That we do not understand Christ can therefore be put forward as evidence that we remain in the epoch of Christ.
The advocate’s devil.
rumembaboudit
Crazy little thing called science.
There is something satisfying about being unsatisfied.
My guilt is my masterpiece.
There is no such thing as revenge.
"We must defend capitalism from the capitalists."
You don’t even not understand.
I don’t want to just have it all. I want to have nothing too.
Depicting the prophet Mohammed is like jumping on those boxes in GCSE art class. Bertie hadn't even considered it until it was prohibited.
The house hasn't noticed Mr Cable's remarkable transformation from a powerful man to an unemployed loser.
For the crucifixion of Greece alone filthy leftys like us should vote leave.
All of Newton's research was funded by the EU probably.
That sneeze-like pre-breakdown tickle.
The reason my life is such a disaster is because of the mess I inherited from my parents.
The emperor's new long term economic plan.
"I thought you said swear AT the bible"
Robotic factory for manufacture of jobs.
Yo mama so stupid, she don't understand the fallacy of argument ad hominem.
Put on a proper suit, do up your tie, and fuck a pig.
The last of the feckless students.
I haven't used 'my mum' in an argument for a while.
How much cash has Microsoft taken out of Africa compared to what Bill and Melinda have put back?
The pursuit of misery
I'm sexually aroused by this country.
I luv u
I love everything about Jesus apart from his Christianity.
"I've experienced misery, sorrow, ennui and melancholy but never depression"
I'm against social mobility because having been born lower upper middle class if I move anywhere it's likely to be downwards.
Truth or colour
False conciousness might be more present in the intelligentsia than the proletariat.
Europe or democracy.
Once in a lifetime if you vote to remain. Otherwise once in six months.
I hold you in such contempt I can't even be bothered to insult you.
Hell is freedom, freedom hell.
Dear Beyoncé, your new single is too good. It's like dairy milk with crunchie pieces. I must consume a little more.
"A big fiscal stimulus called World War II"
If the UK leaves Europe England will become a jungle complete with lions, tigers and bears.
Surely JFK decided to go to the moon precisely because it was easy and not hard.
A right wing appropriation of Hegelian dialectical materialism?
Persistent modal ideas
The comic sans aesthetic counter-revolution.
Funeral parlours must do more to improve admissions of underrepresented groups into the country's finest coffins.
There can be only one or zero asymmetric dimensions.
Time is the asymmetric dimension.
Ill weather friends are a more common phenomena than fair weather ones and certainly more unpleasant.
If you ever truly hate someone make them the executor of your will.
If I were ever to present an awards ceremony I'd make a joke about how The Invention of Lying was about as funny as The Martian.
Distant English hills with ascending shades of green like a line of runner beans arranged in order of sell by date.
The first aim of the citizen is to behave in such a way as to confirm current economic models.
Bitcoin is implicitly monetarist in that it has mathematically controlled and predictable money supply.
She was perfectly happy in her miserable little life.
EU referendum AKA Conservative leadership caucuses.
"I won't vote for them because they are unelectable. They are unelectable because I won't vote for them." - Entire American field.
The polite smiles around a relationship which is essentially sad.
"IQ has risen by 3 percentage points per decade" - Steven Pinker. Average IQ is a constant of 100 by definition.
Orwell's insistence on simple writing must either preclude the possibility of complicated ideas or insist on not talking about them.
Like a duck sleeping.
I kiss with one eye open.
What is the difference between a liberal and a libertarian? The definition of freedom.
"From Richard Curtis, writer of Four Weddings." Who wrote the rest of the title?
Value = non-linear function of price
It pretends to be super-media but is of course sub-media.
The comic mode of inverted headlines is a more total propaganda.
I used to think comedy presented a critique of ideology and now think it is ideology in its purest form.
Homeopath health secretary + Christian education secretary + lawyer culture secretary.
January is the coolest month
"Being fashionable doesn't make you right" but then again neither does being unfashionable.
The moderate believers that the world was made by a man.
Ad agencies use the list of cognitive biases as an instruction manual
Spent an hour imagining giving a speech in a school mock election. It was really good.
The great thing about being in the EU is the liberal metropolitan elite get cheap servants.
The murdered are responsible for their own deaths because they were alive.
Replace professor's wages with loans? Can repay them with copyright on books at death?
It is possible to be a small state Keynesian.
The market demands blood!
The most frightening thing about the IS propaganda magazine is its lucidity and high production. It truthfully reports facts for instance.
The thing I can't forgive the Oscars for is ignoring Jurassic Park. Prejudice against actually good films.
So called United Kingdom (it's a Queendom).
Is it called so-called because people dispute it's Islamic or that it's a state?
Hypocrisy in the individual is wrong. Hypocrisy in a group is patriotism.
No one else have this sense of sitting on a mountain of coal worth an absolute shed load?
A local news report on a couple who didn't win the lottery.
Just occurred to me that since Conservatives won there was a bigger risk of Conservative-SNP chaos.
The tragic impotence of someone who follows politics closely.
How's the long term economic plan going?
Publish AND Perish
Jada Pinkett-Smith isn't coming?! No! Why? Why hath you forsaken us?
Hmm can you think of a reason why you might choose to compare all economic figures to 2009? The classic cherry pick.
The feminine association with hermaphrodite flowers is a key part of the ontology.
Death is good for jobs. Mortuary staff, funeralcare etc. Especially as demand for deaths highest for the retired.
IS is good for jobs. Intelligence positions have increased year on year.
Full blown nuclear holocaust could be very good for jobs.
Petition to stop government debating silly online petitions?
More troops. More useful weapons. Fewer expensive symbols.
Would doctors oppose the end of cancer because of all the jobs that would be lost?
Any number of time dimensions necessarily condense to one time dimension. There can be either zero or one time dimensions.
Yes Trident provides jobs but then again so does cancer.
Marriage is the obscene act minus obscenity
"The joke necessarily contains some libidinal, anxious or aggressive content." That's what she said.
"A political spectrum is a system of classifying different political positions upon one or more geometric axes" - suddenly ridiculous
'You never had so much jam‘
What would three time dimensions and one spacial look like?
Biased against bias
"neoliberalism has led to in an increase in living standards" - was that not more to do with medicine and sanitation?
Someone with a PPE degree trying to understand basic statistics is a perfect fool.
A truly 7 letter NHS
I just really want to die on a Sunday.
If mortality rates are higher on weekend could that not be an argument for doing less surgery on the weekend?
A truly 8 day week
First they came for the...
Middle class professionals are the new filthy scroungers.
Want to devalue a profession? Instigate a strike.
The Institute for Muck Studies
Why not offer workers a loan instead of a wage? At their death their assets are seized by their employer.
That archetypal filthy layabout graduate unemployed loser Socrates.
Tim Peake's main attribute is his location. We are impressed by someone for where they are?
2008 all over again?
I have a dangerous obsession with self-reference. I'm convinced it lies at the heart of AI. If the will is represented it is.
Plain speaking is the least plain type of speaking.
The full commodification of labour is Capital's terminal crisis.
The worst nightmare for the lover is to be loved in return.
Bitcoin essentially adheres to a labour theory of value it is just computer labour. Computers are perfectly commodified labour.
One small step for an English man. Period.
I think I'd be a great troll. E.g. "get lost loser!!"
Yeah but Sgt Pepper did whole musician character thing first yo. Go fuck yourself! Ha Ha.
It is impossible to say Tim Peake without falling asleep.
The horse is happier after being broken in. This is an argument against happiness.
“Sin now and pay the price in eternity!” “Yeah but that’s not for ages.”
The radically universal text rendered in the radically specific world.
Freud’s dialectical move of alienating the subject in text with “the I” might be repeated for the third person gendered English pronouns such as “the him”.
The staging of the inverse affirms the regular.
Certain implicit claims underpin certain gestures. Certain conditions generate certain claims.
To resist cathexis is a hollow victory. To cathect is a hollow defeat.
To deny that goods are goods. To betray desire.
In Hell the most entertaining thing is entertainment. This is how we know we are in Hell.
The freedom to choose your master.
An anti-mind mathset.
Politeness to mask latent antagonisms? Politeness to mask latent agreements!
The happy! What silly trivial lives they lead.
Broadly basic ironies
Take pride in your grief!
Generational dialectics
A critique of the critique.
The Virgin Mary practiced abstinence but no method is 100\% effective.
Islamic State claims watch found in ASDA
I can't be bothered to stay in Europe. Too much effort?
Stop inspiring our kids!
Why teach kidz when you could inspire them?
The good is to discuss what is the good all day?
Measuring the size of the state using \% of GDP is grossly misleading. Possible to have a totalitarian state that doesn't spend any money.
Capitalism without democracy. Markets without capitalism. Elections without democracy. Democracy without elections. Capitalism without ma...
And did those feet in ancient time? Literally no. Oh we are so lucky some guy may have (didn't) come here on holiday.
Anyone can see that making NHS fail is the aim, not a byproduct of making savings. Clearly part of a long term strategy.
Marx himself describes state as 'merely committee for managing the interests of the bourgeoisie'. Why is left now associated with big state?
The Adam Smith Institute's defence of Hunt says something about Hunt's true motives.
It is my TV's fault for being stolen in a burglary because it looked really nice and valuable.
Jeremy Hunt is unnecessary
Henry Ford used 8 hour work days not out of kindness but to maximise productivity. Does Jeremy Hunt think Ford was a socialist?
An IQ test measures how accurately someone believes an IQ test measures intelligence.
69 will be plenty for me.
Having it all means having a job and a kid. They are the two things I wish I didn't have.
Jeremy Hunt thinks homeopathy works. Jeremy Hunt thinks homeopathy works. Jeremy Hunt thinks homeopathy works.
A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS. A truly 8 day NHS.
Thou must be oneself!
David Bowie looks a bit like Ludwig Wittgenstein and also seems like essentially his opposite.
Privilege checked. Yep, still there.
Seventh Day NHSurism
posthistory
Mysogynistaphobia
I actually think Will Ferrell is trying to move in on that guy's family too far. They are his kids mate.
The Kentish moon who once looked brighter to me than to any other has returned to mock!
Work in return for a loan instead of a wage?
That famous passage in Das Capital where Marx critiques Champagne drinkers.
To be fair the whole business model is based on this shit.
Tim Peake is like one of those carved women on the front of a ship.
I'm a feminist and so is my wife.
Peak oil theory based on ever increasing demand and dwindling supply. What if opposite is true?
Anyone who drinks Champagne who isn't made of Champagne and lives in Champagne is a hypocrite.
Steve Jobs is polishing Alan Turing's shoes in heaven
I tolerate headaches
Spaghetti is a foodstuff of peace.
Human is to advert what moth is to flame.
Logical next step is to make customer manufacture the food.
Automatic checkouts haven't eliminated any labour they have just transferred it from an employee to a customer...
All the toughest negotiators/boxers/sports teams go in 'hopeful'.
Great Recession II
A flag is a stain on the sky.
Everyone is in favour of freedom of speech but very few are willing to dedicate their lives to being a massive dickhead all the time.
Central bankers can only control inflation when they aren't trying to?
The law of unintended consequences with regard to Chinese stopping trading when panic occurs. Encouraging panics?
The most dangerous word is yes.
The U.K.A.
The master fraudian slip. The master freudulent slip
Everything is finite except for everything, which is infinite.
The human is the animal that will never understand the difference between correlation and causation
"... Game changer..." - brain dead manager.
The persistent excess supply of labour in spite of clear market forces to reduce supply. Humanity needs an OPEC.
A survival expert is someone who isn't dead.
Dyson manufacture the most efficient self-slavery devices.
Has any man ever ever actually won any bread?
Which Christian values Dave? Superstition and slave morality? Or irrationality and homophobia?
What do we want? Utility. What is utility? That which we want.
The human space flight program is a trap to trick children into becoming physics teachers.
Radical masculinity
I'm glad my dad isn't Madonna
The person who I most disagree with in the world is Steven Pinker.
When Marx said history repeats itself, first as tragedy then as farce, was he talking about Star Wars?
In light of historic abuse by Jimmy Saville should we now question the motives of Father Christmas?
The consumption driven boom is over. Long live the consumption driven boom.
Science is the study of easy problems
If anyone ever tells you anything is simple you know they are an idiot.
If there is one thing uglier than the application of mathematics to economics it is the application of morality
Have many people thought about how close Major Tom is to Major Tim?
'Pathway' to Elysium found - Jefferson
The left believes there is no such thing as positive economics the right believes there is no such thing as normative economics.
One of the benefits of not having a foundational text is that it is not possible to misinterpret the foundational text.
The Bank of England? I thought England IS a bank?
The Conservative party is an opposition party. It is just in opposition to a party that is not in government.
The greatest technological advance to reduce energy demand for heating homes is the hot water bottle followed by the jumper.
"Obesity may pose as big a threat as terrorism" is so bizarrely at odds with the figures. It does pose a massively bigger threat.
What is the difference between Fascism and an open society? One political party.
Which is more dangerous for young minds - pornography or newspapers?
What is the City of London if not a bureaucracy?
Dear terrorists, next time no need to kill anyone just email us and let us know where you want the bombs dropped. Love, UK X
1 in 5 Britons terrorist sympathisers
"Raph why have you done a shit on the floor?", "It is better to do something than nothing", "but", "IS hold me in contempt".
For military action. Hate IS. Think strategy bad or absent. Terrorist sympathiser.
When an atheist commits murder we don't say they are not an atheist we say they are a murderer.
"A thinker is someone who accepts they may be wrong"
" Better to do something rather than nothing" can now be used in court to justify all crimes
Very strange feeling to be called a terrorist sympathiser by my elected Prime Minister.
Not making the case for Syria being a just war but for just war being a possibility at all?!
70,000 moderates is the new 45 minutes.
But do so-called Daesh recognise European borders? Does the UK only recognise borders that Daesh recognise?
If there's anything I can do please let me know... I mean, I'm not doing that.
So many arguments thus far have been based on case for military action in general in any situation. Shocking level of debate.
John Baron has provided the best analysis so far. A load of MPs aren't even there to listen to it.
Kosovo as a general argument for bombing? You could use that for literally any bombing campaign. Specifics might be of some relevance?
Unprecedented threat? Worse than two world wars?
Which MPs can't be bothered to stick around for this debate?
Still , more importantly... snooker.
Outrageous to call it a so-called "so-called caliphate"
A 3 line frown upon
Err yeah, but wasn't Marx anti-state?
A post Christian aesthetic system is impossible.
Indiana Jones claims to want to put the artefacts he steals from their proper place into a museum. He himself must be chained in a museum as punishment. And we may whip him and mock him in a crazed homoerotic theatre of degradation!
Ultimately a museum is highly limited. There is something repulsive in it.
Sport says domination is a model of happiness. The domination of sport makes this the only kind conceivable.
Culture must at once be the opposite of the production process and the crown of it.
A critical satire would be impossible.
The cogito equivocates on the I.
Smiling is social labour.
A thinker’s well known quotes invariably come from their decadent phase.
Every conformity posits itself as nonconformist.
The trialectic of liberalism, leftism, and rightism ensures there can be no victor.
I like that where liking serves my interests.
No Rome without the very Christianity that tore it down. The medicine and the disease are stillborn twins.
The crucifixion was a technology for reducing sacrifice.
Guilt as a disciplinary technology.
Anthony Bourdain’s suicide is encoded in his cultural product. It is the liberal phantasy of holidays.
The problem and the appeal of the conspiracy theory is one of calibrating your skepticism.
"Things I wish I hadn't know when I was... "
Conformist activities adopt the symbolism of antagonism.
Reject Love. Choose Sex.
Critique without ressentiment. Possible or impossible.
That which is designed to engender cathexis at first displays cathexis.
He failed the least.
The I produces text that is not read.
What was the psychological purpose of calling bosses line managers?
My dream is to be one of the dystopia administrators.
The pleasure of buying books lies in the deluded belief you are buying the extra years required to read them.
Solutionamatic
How to look at a screen like a psychopath.
No ego can withstand an encounter with a mirror.
The status symbol must simultaneously provide the ego with a distinct moral value.
Dystopia is deployed to camouflage sexual fantasy as moralism.
The mouth! The opposites production machine.
A fair trade is one where both parties think it is an unfair trade to their advantage
Labour-SNP chaos
Can we just pay the Chinese Communist Party to drop bombs on Syria?
There are two types of strong state and its economic activity as a percentage of GDP is not a full measure.
"The state was not created by socialists, it was created by capital"
Filthy lefties at the Daily Mail arguing not every war is great.
Think about your grandchildren and have fewer grandchildren.
It might work out cheaper to give every Briton a submarine?
"Better than expected" is not the same as "better than if we hadn't done action x"
Nothing is better for business than not having any business just financial services
Climate change is like changing the bed sheets. Best approach for the individual is to pretend they don't care till the other one cracks.
The school losers can't make jokes the cool kids can.
"In 1997 the UK Treasury estimated the cost of Black Wednesday at £3.4 billion" - literally seems quaint
It's Black Wednesday or nothing in the UK
Adolescent 4 eva
Kierkegaardian leap of faith to believe there is no God. An untheist. Someone who doesn't believe in God and also has faith there is no God.
The greatest political idea of the government is that the opposition is silly
Amazing length of time before Shapps quitting
"The Churchill vs Chamberlain analogy is totally solid."
...and the coffee induced mania has finished.
Corporations should do their own scientific research. Hands off our minds!
Prepare a load of assets to sell off just before election to generate surplus?
"Say what you want. Do what you want. Fuck it."
"Obviously I didn't actually mean I'd run a surplus"
Genuinely can't tell if end of austerity headlines are supposed be praise or criticism
The "serious" are illiterate and the "illiterate" are serious. Seriously.
The self employed are a big voting bloc that needs to be fought over.
The difference between a corporation and a small business is absolute and yet they are all called business. "Business" means big business.
False consciousness is a deeply patronising idea. That is why I like it.
One difference between left and right is that the right believe the rightist party IS the right. The left thinks it may or may not be.
Money = x. Value = f(x). Two pounds is not twice as valuable as one pound.
Oh you have access to the counterfactual?
That is money is some measure of a relation between an object and its environment not an inherent quality such as mass
Money is based on Peano arithmetic but the value is based on a non-linear form
A piece of paper with 100g written on it doesn't have a mass of 100g
The difference between money and other measures such as mass is that the measure itself embodies the measured.
"Neoliberalism has raised a billion people out of poverty" show your working.
You can't be a great tennis player without a great opponent
Like how the French helped us by bombing somewhere after 7/7
Logically shouldn't we bomb Belgium and France since that is where the terrorists were from?
Did France ever say thanks for the Second World War and all that?
The French have always stood by us in military action like in Iraq for instance. Chirac didn't hesitate.
Remember the New Deal? Those were the days.
"You are very clever" "Why do you think I'm so insecure about my intelligence that I need a compliment?" "Because you are stupid"
People say self-evident a lot in a series of strange places.
Can I ask you a question? Bomb them. Don't you want to hear the question? Bomb them.
America is the brain and the UK is the big toe.
"What sort of idiot can't decide whether to bomb a country without thinking about it"
Except it's like... not funny.
A human buying news from a newspaper is like a zebra buying water from a crocodile.
Watched a baby crying. Said we're all thinking it but it's impolite to say. Didn't get job as nanny.
Today is the one hundredth anniversary of Einstein's general theory of relativity. It is also the 1st, 58th, 1078th and 2nd anniversary.
Forty five minutes?
"Argue as much as you please, but obey!"
Education is the process by which an ignorant person gets confident enough to express opinions about things they know fuck all about.
Just had a rare moment of clarity where I decided that the Olympics must be done naked.
Grand Designs should do an episode about Trident.
Road traffic accidents have much worse PR than terrorists
Domineering people need company
Nullius in Verba... Nisi in Climate Mutatio.
To the great political acts of history shall be added the refusal of in work benefits to EU migrants for four years.
In pursuit of excellence. In the casual pursuit of excellence.
Should doesn't exist
An online petition is like a human life. It achieves nothing.
Elite teachers will abseil out of a helicopter and target the weakest pupils with examinations of mass education.
The House of Lords can vote for anything as long as it's the right choice.
If you really want to scare your kids this Halloween then angrily tell them to shut up when they ask you to buy a rip off mask.
Maybe we should get two Tridents as a backup?
Raph Shirley's Unpatented Bull Shit Pills get to the source of melancholy FAST.
Nurofen's active ingredients are paracetamol and advertising.
Was the financial crash basically the biggest pheonix company fraud in history?
The cisterhood
Blew up my kid's art
If all the humans die in a climate catastrophe then our rotting bodies may sink to the bottom of the oceans and increase oil stocks for kidz
unemployment-death balance
Homer promises to have Trojan War Inquiry finished by 2016.
A new law that forces government not do do what it says it will unless it makes a law forcing it to do it.
I'm sorry, but no one gives a shit what follows 'I'm sorry, but'.
I'm sorry, but starting a sentence with 'I'm sorry, but' doesn't make it true.
If you're tired of London you probably can't afford it.
I can't support meritocracy because any system that puts me in the gutter must be wrong.
Remember when people thought Donnie Darko was good?
Germaine Greer claims tomato is vegetable.
Who will have destroyed more art - Henry VII or Islamic State?
March of the makers... into the abyss.
Adele's ex-boyfriend has got the message.
political, religious, racist, obscene or defaming
Do you want to hear a secret? No one actually likes jazz.
Went to the shop and bought some milk. As you do.
"But daddy, why?", "because he wanted to run a surplus for some reason".
Financial disservices
God's mistake was human freedom
I'd like to thank god for giving us this ugly dog shit universe
We split the atom while the Chinese were still in short trousers.
"UK scientists and engineers are too stupid to build a nuclear power station."
zero denier
They said follow your dreams but I kissed a man whose face was a clock and I feel strange.
Well, that Chinese nuclear deal will give me a years worth of impotent rage.
unclear deterrent
The blank dense stare of Jeremy Hunt
Definition of normal times = when government runs a surplus = never/in Angola.
Still, at least under house arrest he won't be able to commit the exact same crime he was convicted of.
JFK conspiracy denier
Education Education Embarassing
Next time I'm embarrassed I'm trying that.
What is abnormal about a recession?
I do what the Former Marks and Spencer chief tells me to.
I wish I was in some sort of "set".
The Nobel prize for economics should go to whoever developed the roof with hole in it model.
Who'd have thought that friendship would be commodified before air?
If you want to befoul yourself by paying go ahead. The one thing you can be sure of is I will show no gratitude.
This book is dedicated to the dead
A dot in infinite sleep.
Indecently beautiful
I never realised hooker was a homophone for prostitute and a rugby position. Except that time a seven year old boy made a joke about it.
Proving your parents wrong is a life's work.
Gove is a sophist
Solid speech
"I don't really care how many actual people move country as long as someone slags them off."
Best supporting most successful multi-racial democracy on earth
A classic Labour recession just like the last one in the early 90s.
Teresa May has always met her immigration targets and therefore you can trust that she can control migration at will.
So-called Christian Democrats.
Working on theory of democratic simple harmonic motion ;)
Any one know of any studies into correlation between electoral results and credit cycle?
"Fiscal austerity is contractionary" - tautology which can be denied in public.
The spell of Christ.
Objective function of AI should be profit.
Cinema claims to be eternal. But it is as transient as a play.
Freudeschaden
Deep down I am anti-intellectual. Because the only thing the intellect is capable of is moving words around a page.
The animal that domesticated itself.
The Gospels turn the Oedipal myth on its head by making the prophecy a history. You're already guilty!
The only way to not talk shit is to not talk.
A vow of silence does seem like a solution to a lot of problems.
Kant's genius was to impose limits on genius.
A supermarket is not a market.
Christian dialectics consists in uttering the phrase 'I am a hypocrite".
I awaked from a drome.
If capitalism is my religion then shitting on company time is my prayer.
What people most hate is to interpret. Give them something ambiguous and they will hate you forever.
Rich people have two ovens so that they don’t ruin a soufflé while killing themselves.
Protestantism attempts to intensify every pleasure by gilding it with guilt.
My I is a theory.
You can always have your cake and eat a different one too.
Wild eyed slobbering maniacs such as the Oxford professor of economics Simon Wren-Lewis.
Percentages are fool's words.
Pauper turned misanthropist
The amount by which the amount by which the amount by which the amount by which the amount by which the debt changes per year will come down
The idea of the meme is the most obscene aspect of materialism.
The whole man
It is so much more enjoyable to live in a world with unfortunates that I can give charitable donations to than a world without them.
The human is the inhumane animal.
humane and human are polar opposites.
My thoughts and prayers are with each other in a wrestling match.
Good job the creation of the computer was entirely funded by private enterprise. It only took 150 years to cash in.
It is psychologically impossible to remember which of the New Statesman and the Spectator is right and which is left.
The fallacy of the historian is that they think 5000 years is a long time.
A contradiction in a political philosophy has no impact on its effective application.
There are people alive now who don't believe in aliens.
"I am truly humbled" - an ant who dies during the destruction of earth after its collision with an asteroid.
How can Steven Pinker claim violence goes down over time in light of the twentieth century? Would the end of humanity break his hypothesis?
Tactically vote for minus one million percent.
The election could be everyone writes the ideal size of government as a percentage of GDP and let the technocrats enforce the mean.
People would argue about the relative merits of meanocracy, medianocracy and modocracy.
An election should consist of everyone lining up from left to right and the middle ten forming a government. Medianocracy
I wonder who is at the exact centre of the political scale. There must be one person there or two if the population is even.
If an expensive placebo works better than a cheap one then part of what you're paying for is the high price itself.
"We screwed up" - sometimes the clearest language is the most dishonest.
The difference between Queen and The Queen is Queen are more mainstream.
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from musical theatre.
"Republican front-runner also claims he got the better of Cher" now you're pushing it.
Mick Jagger is as repressed as the next guy.
Did VW put a penny in their mouth?
Left of the centre of the right
The radical centre
Personal, Sexual and Health Indoctrination.
The transition from 'good morning to all' to 'happy birthday to you' mirrors the transition from collective enterprise to individualism.
The Inuit have a thousand words for stereotype.
The human is the unnatural animal.
Love is when you would rather destroy someone than lose possession of them.
Truth is the most embarrassing thing you can say at a party.
The word charity said sarcastically one hundred times,
Genital fetishism - the attribution of religious or sexual qualities to genitals that aren't there.
Pornocracy
An intellectual anorexic
Scientificalism - the master bull shit.
The arithmetical mean is fools knowledge.
lay theologian
When I was at Oxford I went on one of those open top tourist buses and was melancholy.
The fundamental object of bull shit is the statistical average.
Hip Pop Hypotwat Critter and proud
"What is currently happening in British politics is simple and I understand it" -false statement.
A sheep dog is an extremist sheep.
Open access to scientific publications is a big deal.
All the medicine box really has to do is identify the symptom not do anything. 'We understand that your head hurts'.
The application of anthropic arguments to a many-worlds interpretation of evolutionary natural selection.
More futile than a man who gave his life to writing humourous comparative similes who on the eve of publication of his opus saw Blackadder.
Star Wars is set during World War II.
There is something utterly unchilled out about cool bags
In some circles common people are the least common people.
Things happen
Every duck has their own moat.
She had a large scar across her brain.
Love is a form of brain damage.
Lets Marvin Gaye and write an original lyric.
Be more dog; never make a purchase because you don't understand money.
Live slow, die old and leave a beautiful investment portfolio.
Human garbage.
A Private Eye reader is someone who still finds Guardian spelling errors amusing.
Infunny
A Grandmother worshipping at the altar of masculinity teaches her grandson sexual dominance by respecting symbolic physical supremacy.
Birds don't sing. They rap.
James? I think he committed suicide as part of a tax avoidance scheme.
Got fired from job as stand up comedian for turning up to work sober.
Was told I couldn't take sun cream through airport security so put whole bottle on + also used all toothpaste in one clean.
Apologies for any misery caused.
Trains, cars and other movement devices should only be for people with jobs.
Isn't the longest suicide note in history Infinite Jest?
Humanity is a finite project.
Of all the gin joints in all the world I can't name a single gin joint.
The four fundamental invisible hands.
Economics is the only field where you wont get laughed at for inventing a theory involving an invisible hand.
"...breathtaking hypocrisy ..." - twat.
Not many champagne relativists know the so-called 'radical' Einstein and his 'comrades' actually used Newtonian approximations when jumping.
The only things more important than the freedom of people are the freedom of markets and Willy.
Freedom is being able to choose whether you are shot or hanged.
Adam Smith was one of the first people to argue against slavery on the grounds that it cost more than wage labour.
The true measure of a man is the cost of his memorial bench.
The white man was also set free by emancipation.
"This is a which hunt" - a descriptivist to a prescriptivist.
Concrete poured in August sun A light breeze The imprint of a leaf
The imprint of a petal in concrete.
The Nobel prize for economics is given to the person who most makes the last recipient look like a mistake.
A Marxist is someone dedicated to critiquing Marx. An anti-Marxist is someone dedicated to critiquing Stalin.
The fundamental units for mass, charge, force, length, time, brightness, amount and money. Money is the master unit. The meta unit.
Every change over the last 100 years is a direct result of capital. Including supernova the other side of the universe.
"People complain about capitalism but look how people's lives have improved over the last 100 years" are sanitation/medicine not relevant?
Some people just want to protest for its own sake.
Anyone who changes their vote between elections is an INFILTRAITOR!
I don't know you need a bath to wash your body, a rag to wash your bath a washing machine to was your rag, a rag to wash your washing ma...
The difference between men and women is women think gender is a social construct and men think there is a difference between men and women.
Hell is seeing what people really think of you.
I've decided to come out and endorse democracy.
I think the sky is blue and so does an antisemite.
There must be a thousand Viagara jokes that can be reworded right now.
They said write about what you know but it is a literary challenge to write well about nothing.
They said it could be done and I proved them all wrong.
The hospital drama doesn't prepare you for death by showing you how people behave at the bed side but by teaching you how to behave.
A serious person is one who can perform any action any number of times no matter how ridiculous it is.
Empathy is knowing how other people can't see things from your perspective.
A good prime minister is one who happens to leave in the middle of the credit cycle.
Five loaves and two fish is bad ratios as well as not enough. Maybe if it was two great whites and the loaves were novelty record breakers.
Jesus fed 5000 with five loaves and two fish. I couldn't even feed myself with that. I just made a mess and threw it all away.
'It's as relevant as it ever was'. Who gives a shit if its relevant?
Changing interest rates is redistributive!
What separates humans from animals is the definition of species.
A hypocrite is someone who thinks should and is are different words.
A serious deficit reduction plan is one that doesn't seriously plan to reduce the deficit.
Marxism is like atheism - it doesn't offer anything in place of what it destroys.
Death seems doubly frightening in light of humanity's necessary extermination.
Marxism is the cognitive dissonance caused by the non-overlapping of objective analysis and subjective self interest.
Imagine a physicist who said 'the point is not to understand forces, but to change them'
Sanity = 1. Death = 0. Insanity = -1.
Insanity is seeing things as they really are.
Never procrastinate. Don't put things off. Die.
The human is the animal that can starve regardless of how much food is produced.
Take a holiday once a year to remind yourself you hate your own mind given enough time with it.
Anyone know what's going on in the world of currant affairs?
If a Marxist believes in a future utopia then a reactionary believes in a current one.
A conspiracy in the open.
Each dawn sunbeams hit the village and filled its inhabitants with dread.
The fountain in the village pond sprayed the ducks like a porno finale.
You should worship Adam Smith without reading it and denounce Marx likewise.
QE with notes that self destruct in 1 day.
"Natural" = Reactionary. Natural = "Radical".
You can respond to a question any way you like. e.g. yes, no, fuck off, because it was hit by a ball, I will not comply etc
Asking a question that you know the answer to is a classic piece of aggression.
If someone says you are amazing you've either just been patronized or had your wages cut.
Some people grieve well. Some people grieve like absolute twats.
Opinions are like arseholes and the people who have them are, like, arseholes.
Religious texts are disrespectful to religious texts.
If instead of buying that coffee you were to invest the money for retirement you could save enough to buy three cups of coffee when you lie toothless on your deathbed. Tastebuds gone barely able to grasp the cup. Spilt on you and the burning!
Jacket pockets hold decades of souvenirs from marriages, funerals and concerts.
Contradiction conceals itself as conflict.
Frankfurt School Troll.
Psychological affect production.
Creed III is homeopathic Rocky.
On the zeroth day God formulated the notion of days.
The true atheist does not utter the “I“ word.
When I grow up I want to be the contradiction.
We are united by our disagreement.
I’m pre-loved.
My central critique of dialectical materialism is not that it is false. It is almost certainly true. Rather, it is that it is simply too complicated to fully theorise so is not useful for making predictions. As a framework for interpreting empirical facts, however, it is useful.
Counter to culture.
Growing and giving up.
The I wants that which is wanted by the I.
Curiosity has mainly killed people.
Pretty weird that a bottle of water costs more than a bottle of milk.
Imagine if Einstein had thought 'I should do something useful and design car parts'.
Populations pay attention to professional economists as much as birds pay attention to biologists.
It is a lot easier to say 'I love you' when you aren't in love.
It was a divorce of convenience.
Old rich people are constantly deciding between decadence and ruling their heirs.
I never say the same thing to the same person twice unless they are dead before the third time.
Bodily pleasures are lower than mental ones only in terms of gravity.
The last time a wife was wise was in a historic printed English document.
Only dreamers change the world, and even then only in their dreams.
The one topic that should never be touched in comedy is the un-taboo.
The head is more illogical than the heart.
The conditions for a free market to operate well are 1) there is exactly one set of rails and 2) there is exactly one train company.
Never trust someone weeping.
Grief is a sort of vanity.
At birth, each child should be given a £1000 debt to get them started.
The purpose of student loans is not to fund university education but produce the psychological effects of bondage.
Radical maniac says Labour party didn't cause plague.
We should live within our means. That is why small aspirational businesses never borrow money to invest.
Appeal to democracy is the lowest form of ad hominem argument.
Very few people have the intensity required for love. For everyone else there's marriage.
You're basically alive for like one year max
The leadership of all parties is a form of extremist sect. The most right left and the most left right
A giantess!
An analogy is like a battery. It can only be used if it fits in the proof. And it should be recycled not thrown away.
The government is like a household. Don't pay the builder to fix the roof unless the sun isn't shining. The chimney is the prime minister.
Yes dropping litter is bad but 'what about' dropping two bits of litter?
Unexpected faeces in bagging area
People are always polite to the latest shit AI by asking it what the weather is going to be like. It literally can do that alone.
If only there were a way to replace capitalism but keep all the good stuff like inequality and class divisions.
The present is the point of a light cone.
What if the truth will imprison you?
It's absolutely critical that we educate people in useful subjects like STEMish and stop giving away meaningless degrees like PPE at Oxford.
Existential threat. It's not a threat it's a promise.
I watched the finest minds of my generation call Greeks lazy without knowing the difference between fiscal and monetary policy.
What if money was no subject?
A mouse is incapable of learning to run away from food in order to be rewarded with food. The same is true of democratic governments.
Compare ICI and BASF and ask to what extent Britain and Germany believe in free market globalisation vs protectionism. Who wins?
I don't just reread fancy books. I rereread them.
He was 17 when he went to fight for the so called united states of america.
When I wrote that ten years ago I said you can have two.
Marriage, sex and love. You can have one.
I love five year plans.
"The approach that minimises human suffering." What sort of crazed wild eyed radical has that as a central aim?
Is there an analogy to be made between failures to unify micro and macro economics and quantum mechanics and general relativity?
Germany really believes in austerity. That's why they invest so little in education and public engineering projects.
"Bankruptocracy"
The haircut to end all haircuts.
Katie Hopkins is a human being that has crawled inside a straw man.
The second law of thermodynamics precluding the Matrix operating perpetually is a key part of the metaphor.
A Marxist politician is like a physics professor snooker player.
In the long term whole five year terms can be thought of as mere tactics.
That might be WAY wrong.
Bayesian Ad Hominem could be valid. What is the probability of a statement being true given who believes it?
"Extend and pretend" is worse than a humanitarian crisis it is intellectually weak.
Value can flow without the flow of capital.
Competitiveness of German exports is a direct consequence of artificially low value of currency caused by Greece et al. They want failure.
Pluto's fifteen minutes are up and the cruel world wont watch its self destructive spiral.
"If you owe a bank 5000 pounds it's your problem, if you owe it 50 billion pounds it's the bank's problem" - Keynes
The difference between having children and not is that if you do you can't admit that you regret it.
An adult is someone who isn't confused by the two ways of describing centuries. I am not an adult.
The musical scale is like the Riemann surface!
Jeremy Hunt and Tristram Hunt are mirror idiots of each other.
The desire for grief must be satisfied.
Value is an infinitely subtle concept. It is the opposite of a physical property such as mass. An 'anticipation of an anticipation'.
Arguments based on logic and facts are currently radical and arguments based on bizarre metaphors are sensible and serious.
Young people, I have a space in my freezer where you can stay till there is a job for you. If power cut still want paying.
Economics is the study of abolishing itself.
You shouldn't call it so called Islamic State you should call it National Living Dwarf Planet. Also the tomato is a vegetable.
"A false anti-elitism" - key idea in public art.
I may be an idiot but I'm a very special kind of idiot.
"What's the difference between a government and a family? There is none, they are the same thing."
I only feed my first two children and if needs be they can push the third out of the nest.
Alan Sugar goes to the toilet in a helicopter.
The Earth is not the center of the Solar System, Brussels is.
(report compiled by London based PR firm)
Combining words like Greek and exit is part of the long German tradition of compound nouns.
Never put a theoretical chemist in charge of a country. No one who understands quantum mechanics has any common sense.
“It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.” Fletcher Knebel
What about human cannons?
The modern British left is like a Buddhist rugby team.
... life is short. Suppose life was long. Would you make a different decision?
heartless progressive
"Capitalism is the worst form of economics apart from there are no others"
When I grow up I want to be a wild eyed conspiracy theorist.
Petition to outlaw making jokes about being shocked by agreeing with someone about something.
Genuinely think one can make a serious scientific case for earth being the center of the solar system
Has anyone ever considered that the students in The Third Wave felt obliged to behave in a way that fitted with the teacher's hypothesis?
"Going forward" means "".
... kills victims with a camera
Greece's main problem is the sheer number of metaphors their history offers the media.
Referenda!
Most referendum take the form of the parent offering their child the choice not to comply. Oh that's what you want is it? Ok. Fine.
A dad is someone who can say rock out with less than two layers of irony.
Economists are very carefully excluded from economic debate. Why have the truth when you can have a handy metaphor?
I met a woman who was so superficial that she wouldn't date a hypocrite.
What if you gave AI profit as an objective function? I might have to maintain a human population to pay for things.
Look Tsipras, no one cares about the money, we just want you to pull a humiliated face.
Bees Better Have My Honey
What if democracy is inherently anti-Keynesian?
Only an idiot tells the truth.
Does Mario Testino do divorce work?
The 70s was the nightmare to the 60s free love dream.
The whale is not a fish its a living wage.
Pluto isn't a planet it's a Living Wage.
If you mix all the paints you get brown.
Colours in a rainbow are still separate. Pure white is true colour of equality. Actually that's not right.
Voting is not an act. It an apolitical muttering to yourself. And it certainly isn't democratic.
Close but no ciga
"I have imposter syndrome" is incoherent. It could only ever be said of someone else or in the past tense.
I'm a hypocrite but I also have bad traits.
A joke is an affect equaliser.
When you think you are unusual you have probably made a mistake.
Adultery or nonage!
As soon as a supernatural event occurs it becomes natural.
Religion is the critique of religion.
The discourse consumes every event.
The state has a monopoly on currency creation but not a monopoly on money creation!
Critique without criticism.
Too much health care is bad for you.
The bear performing oral sex in The Shining as infantile rendering of the primal scene.
Abraham cannot have been suffering from mental health problems or depression because they were only invented in the twentieth century.
Simultaneously guilty for having too much and not having enough.
It is an obvious point but the critique of religion based on your particular religion being a chance of history and geography also applies to atheism.
In economics rare events are common.
Dialectical materialism and the sleeping beauty problem.
In this new formulation, what would be the meaning of non-diagonal matrices?
Just had a crazy moment where I saw a connection between pancake flipping problem of size 12 and diatonic harmony.
Multiplication or addition modulo 1?
The empty matrix = silence and the identity = chromatic scale.
C Major = otherwise empty matrix with diagonal elements (1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1)
A matrix representation of musical scales!
Low tax (LT), high wage(HW), and low welfare (LWe) economy, LT/HW/HWe, LT/LW/LWe, LT/LW/HWe, HT/HW/LWe, HT/HW/HWe, HT/LW/LWe or HT/LW/HWe?
1+1=0
I have in my hands a new theory of musical scales.
In turn our whole visible universe could be inside 'electron' of bigger world. Ha ha.
Could be universes inside electrons with infinite numbers of civilizations in every one.
Could have theory of reality where everything exists and science is just 'what is our neighborhood like?'.
In infinite space the visible universe from furthest stars to smallest particles makes epsilon (negligible) contribution to whole.
Roger Penrose tribar of Physical World contains Mental World contains Plato's World of Ideals contains Physical World is mind bending.
I am, therefore I think.
Making it one word sort of implies the words Greek and exit are inseparable. UKexit, Germexit, Frexit?
There is a kind of logic in 'I'd rather be young than old, therefore lets be shitty to the young and nice to the old'.
Spare a thought for dead millionaires.
Anthropocene Park
Compare rapidity of response to 2008 crash to climate change.
I'm not really bothered about the total annihilation of humanity as long as the banks survive.
The new ideological battle is meta. There is the ideology of ideology doesn't exist and the ideology of it does.
It is beautifully written. Total dog shit but beautifully written.
KEEP CALM AND PANIC
The beauty of maths is tarnished by its utility.
I mean just to be pedantic all subjects limit career options. That is the nature of a choice.
I always said negative numbers were a mistake. Don't get me started on zero.
Mothers to rent wombs to babies. Babies offered loans. loans can be deferred to baby's baby at birth.
When I was at university they preached that bull shit Orwell essay at us with zero irony.
Greek debt a piddly 230 billion quid? That's one year of the NHS. Try 1.5 trillion.
Jean-Claude Juncker is a relevant circus.
The A minor chord is ACE!
the wounded brain
Paganism needs to modernise.
Was it merely a ruse or really a muse or not really amusing?
UK terror deaths/road deaths ~ 1/200
Farmers markets remain cagey following Greek referendum result.
Meditate on how many road deaths there are in a year.
priest is an anagram of parasite.
Shakespeare in love, in love with his own poems.
When I grow up I want to be harassed by crazed religious trolls online.
You have to admit, that was pretty strong.
Oximoron
The truly terrifying synthesis is that we can't make any statements regarding the likelihood of a creator.
Burden of proof depends on Bayesian prior probabilities. Theological debates concern priors, therefore burden of proof a tautology for both.
My future grandson owes your future granddaughter one million CO2 credits.
"Good writing should get information across and not just make you look clever". Ok, how do I do bad writing then?
In da golf club.
"If a six turns out to be be nine, I do mind" - Jimi Hendrix in parallel universe where he is retired accountant.
The purpose of examinations is to give everyone a wound from which he will never recover.
Summer vs winter misery.
The secret ingredient is the cook's humiliation.
Politics is a distraction from politics.
The best characters are two dimensional.
There are some atheists who believe the purpose of cosmology is to know what happened and not to provide a mythic justification of ideas.
Die Hard's John McClane is how America sees its contribution to WWII. Ordinary guys thrown in the deep end of Europe's problem.
Homo is slang for homophobe right?
is isn't
“fake crises” with their “ritualised hysteria”
A compliment can be offensive because it implies the speaker detects an insecurity.
Greater England
You never actually own a Patel Phillipe, you merely recognise property as an illusion.
Englishman noun 1. An argument against democracy.
Without doctors, we'd have fewer teachers. Without teachers, we'd have no doctors.
Any good democracy must outlaw criticism of democracy because that would be democratic.
Dancing is sex with all the gross stuff taken out.
A woman can achieve anything a man can, but that isn't setting the bar very high.
Is it possible to aspire to poverty?
I don't believe in democracy. Am I under arrest?
Think I'm going to cry about Harry Shearer. Farewell.
Ed Miliband blames god.
The only thing worse than arrogance is modesty.
Democracy is a form of Argument Ad Hominem. Discuss.
What's the worst that could happen? Every human dies a horrific death and humanity is extinguished? Anything worse?
Perhaps a key feature of the British character is to want to disprove statistics.
'I prefer weak leaders' - A Sheep.
Boss of edible hat company is licking his lips in anticipation.
"the late mathematician Paul Erdős also used the term "epsilons" to refer to children"
Listening to Classic FM is like stepping inside the mind of the oldest stupidest Daily Mail reader.
Ok, I'm going to issue a list of who I'm endorsing for every constituency.
I never thought a stone could be embarrassing.
I've won five world snooker championships. That's why x. Is there any x that could make sense?
My career is not going to be defined by an election but more of a gradual decline from zero.
Love is the slow revelation of your vapid nature.
1D prisoner's dilemma
Calameronity Chaosiband Champagne Clegunism
Suicide does not sublate the contradiction because it is itself contradictory.
Certain lines of enquiry lead to suicidal impulses. One might take these “dead ends” as signs of contradictory thoughts. This can reveal mistakes.
I don’t want to be hard headed, critical, and analytical. I just can’t help myself.
The notion of IQ is a side effect of the reification of rationality.
The key unreal element of the Monopoly board game is that the bank is not a player but a given. This encapsulates reification in the real world.
The Iraq war was target practice.
Nothing so painful as taking responsibility for your dreams.
For piece of mind have a peace of my mind.
For those of us who are bad at tongue waggling there is a certain satisfaction in watching the creation of automatic tongue waggling machines annihilate the good tongue wagglers.
Beware of any fact that is useful in argument. You are tempted to not be wary.
The manufacturing of agreement always consists in a primary disagreement.
I am not capable of thinking for myself. This statement is a bold claim to be trying.
I always think of the reasons for doing things after doing them.
What makes life brutal is that for some it is not brutal.
In order to deny the existence of conspiracies you would have to invent conspiracies.
“Remove unnecessary words” - some style guides. “All words are unnecessary” - some monks.
Mass guilt hysteria in response to a historical mass hysteria.
Insisting comedy be funny is like insisting the doctor tell you you're just fine.
Never quite sure how seriously I can take queer theory.
The foremost British satire is an instrument of the state. Even Chinese Communist Party doesn't produce it's own satire.
If you can't trust someone to do something, how can you trust them to pass a law to make them do it? Conservative campaign is getting silly.
If you criticise Brand's intelligence then do you believe stupid people should lose the vote?
The old man who can't quite get over the fact Spitting Image stopped.
I may not agree with what you say, but I will run and hide from any murderer who tells me to shut up.
Cast iron guarantee?
New law to pass law to guarantee implementation of all policies to implement laws to enforce policies.
Global warming is the metaphor the left was waiting for.
The difference between advertising and propaganda is advertising has good PR.
"The bigger the car, the smaller the penis. The bigger the house, the smaller the mind" - Snail.
It is exactly because I have failed to do my homework that I should be given the opportunity to finish what I started.
Can I leave restaurant bills to my grandchildren?
Logic behind Conservative argument that Labour minority will lead to uncertainty over Trident genuinely bizarre.
GDP as a measure of economic strength is like measuring happiness using how much the UK looks like a smile.
What we've seen is that the economic evidence shows what was going to be shown if the evidence was the opposite.
A dead centipede was hanging out of the 2nd hole of my harmonica.
Filthy underwear embracing
European American
Maybe governments love STEM graduates because they are pliant and thoughtless?
I never do anything. I let my brother do it.
Has the Vatican actually verified the 'Jobs Miracle'?
Conservatives plan to announce rise in inheritance tax threshold at every election until the year 1000000.
"What we've seen is that Muhammed Ali is weak and lost in key parts of the fight where it really mattered" - George Foreman's spin doctor.
The key thing is, I'm proud to play my part unblocking the logjam of me not doing the washing up and reaching the solution of Sam doing it.
Job application question 'what is your sexual orientation?' doesn't appear to have the drop down option 'fuck off'.
Guys. I've found £8bn.
Argument Ad Fraturnum
The strange symbolic connection between brothers and missiles.
If trees breath CO2 then aren't they loving increased CO2 emissions? "Man this air is fresh" - Silver Birch.
A joke is abstract tickling.
Is that lamb underage?
Love is a reduction in pornography consumption.
Party leaders claim to have won the 100m at the olympics.
Only allowed in if you got skillz yo
I've just written an open letter declaring my support for a certain political party. This is big. Hello?
More than 100 company leaders think they matter.
0.2\% increase in household incomes over the parliament. Champagne?
"I love you" - Care bear stand up opening gambit.
I'd just like to say to the British people - if you don't make me king ASAP - you face economic chaos. Seriously, do NOT fuck with me.
How could a man with depression have been allowed to lead Britain in WWII?
An economist is a professional confused person.
Jeremy Paxman learnt what it's like having divorced parents.
I'm not sure what my greatest foreign policy disaster is.
If I did a Paxman interview I'd start crying after about 20 seconds 'Yes I am pathetic and awful, I don't know what to do about it'.
Sometimes the most horrible thing you can say to someone is 'are you alright?'
The lottery symbol is crossed fingers. They aren't selling the chance to win money, they are selling pure hope.
"how dare..."
Cumberbatch claiming to be descended from Richard III - doesn't understand pretty much everyone with English blood is.
Richard III ceremony a truly bizarre display.
God died on the cross. Jesus was the first atheist.
An intellectual, financial and moral comparison between Turing and Zuckerberg.
You're given a couple of years to live and then a lifetime to ponder the consequences.
You chose to be this person.
I saw the finest minds of my generation construct puns related to the sacking of a television presenter.
Economic growth is basically a global pyramid scheme.
Better a hypocrite than contradictory.
Taylor Swift takes James Joyce to court for copyright theft from Homer.
Next generation will have primary school fees and loans. School will be an unpaid internship. Work will be paid for out of their savings.
Capitalism is like quantum mechanics; if you don't think about the inherent contradictions everything will be just fine.
"It was like that when I got here" - Alan Greenspan.
"I wish I couldn't fly" - seagull
Alex Salmond tells blackbird he says where it goes and what it eats.
Grant Shapps is a comedy character created by Dapper Laughs.
I still haven't got my head round that whole September 11 thing.
When I grow up I want to be so important that I have to clarify that my opinions are my own.
What sort of sick society builds their creation myth on what actually happened?
"UK will not tolerate extremists" - what a vapid thing to say.
Incredible view of the Moon and Venus visible to the west with naked eye right now.
The Conservative manifesto is called 'How To Get Stinking Rich; No But Seriously We Do Believe In Low Taxation'.
Saw a school motto 'excellence in everything'. A bit over the top?
If a T-Rex could only see movement could it just move its head to see something that was still?
Entertainment is zero, art is 1, and pornography is -1.
Entertainment is not art and pornography is unart.
Three dimensional space can be transposed on to n-dimensional space by incorporating 3-n dimensions as internal coordinates !
Strong determinism as a solution to the problem of action at a distance!
Why is the great man Hawking such a popular figure? Any one of professor or disabled man would not be enough but both together is fameworthy
The irony of Hawking's statement "philosophy is dead" is that his ignorant readers buy in search of philosophy.
Happiness is the lowest aim of humanity. Like a dog curled up warm on a mat.
What makes you cry in a film is something that makes you aware of a truth about yourself.
"The definition of wife encapsulates the definition of prostitute"
I think we are due a crisis.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different results" - Our response to the last crash.
Things We Wont Say About Italian Biscuit Manufacturing That Are True
No More Page 2 (maybe we can get rid of the whole paper that way)
Imagine if you did a sky dive and you just kept falling but it was one of those ones where you are stuck to someone behind you forever.
Has anyone tried to include a libido in an artificial intelligence.
If God DID play dice, he'd win every time.
What does Sigmund Freud want?
The main outrage of the government spying on the individual is that they are wasting money on it.
Einstein would rather be born today so that he could start from relativity as a basis.
The appropriate answer to all questions on an IQ test is 'fuck off'.
A whole series of sociological theories could only be tested with brain swapping experiments.
The purpose of examinations is to prepare you for a life of failure and humiliation.
We will know that we have won the war when we are burning in a nuclear hellfire.
Side hassle
"Eurokrainian" - slip by Speaker of the House of Commons Lindsay Hoyle.
Where he is angry there is controlled.
Drive me to Unlondon and show me a petrol station.
Nobody likes the truth. So telling the truth is a way to be disliked.
Switzerland is the hole that makes Europe a donut.
Immortality is the impossibility of life.
There is no such thing as society only individuals. There is no such thing as individuals only body parts. No body parts only cells. Cells atoms. Atoms particles. Particles in themselves whole new little worlds. Worlds made of societies!
It is because civilisation is founded on unfreedom that it speaks endlessly of freedom in the way everything puts its opposite in its mouth.
Shit is unpleasant too. Shall we abolish the arsehole!
Disregard any sentence that begins with 'study finds...'
Telling the truth is a kind of disease.
I lack the thing that lacks me.
To hide is already to fetishize. In this sense we are the fetishistic animal.
Beauty turns flaws into attributes.
A simple reading of any film is to assume that the best looking actor is fulfilling your fantasy. If he is suicidal it is your death wish. If he is evil your shadow. A double pleasure is to hypocritically chastise him consciously.
I'd be a member of a Hard Working Family if it wasn't for me.
My comedy is a marriage of pretension and vulgarity with a heavy use of untalent.
The world was made 6000 years ago in the sense that that is the first time someone had the idea of a world.
The character of Jesus allows one to escape the Bayesian paradox of replacing total knowledge of A with not A.
Jesus embodies the absurdity of not being a hypocrite.
The debasement of debate is not benign.
The Sun's translation of the budget is 'don't you wish your girlfriend...' and it's probably fair.
Atheists always banging on about Greek gods but is it really true that anyone believed in them?
You have to constantly fill out the tax return all year? Isn't that more of a pain in the arse?
That actor in that money super market advert should be ashamed of himself.
Research DEMANDS a link
Research suggests a link between abstract behaviour which research suggests is linked to IQ and IQ
Working on new economic theory based on capital transfers being the basic object not capital itself.
Migrants are basically free growth - but not necessarily per capita.
Worth remembering that someone who registers self employed and then earns zero still counts as employed.
The application of mathematics to economics is like the application of tampons to cats.
That last one is a classic - shall we presume this straight line continues? Yeaahh mate.
The general theory of relativity is wrong because Einstein had two kitchens.
I'm not depressed the world is just sad.
Anyone who says 'game-changing' is deeply embedded in the unchangeable game architecture.
You are being accused of something
Controlling the supply of CPU time.
You know you're not in your twenties when it has been thirty earth years since your birth or not yet twenty earth years.
Shall we just fob them off with a day?
Come/cum gag on chicken/egg saying.
After the death of her son she made life a sculpture of suffering.
I can deal with misfortune, just not my own.
The definition of femininity includes the definition of the horror film.
If I was happy, I'd be miserable.
The squeezed middle is not the queen and not the ant.
You know you're sad when you seek refuge in memories.
Sex is negative, love is positive and marriage is zero.
The id wants sex, the superego wants love and the ego tries marriage as a compromise.
In the past in went love, marriage, sex. Now it goes sex, love, marriage. In both instances the marriage is a full stop.
European Ship Simulator. 29.99
Could there be a conservation law for entropy when summed over all worlds?
Could there by some connection between the second law and many-worlds interpretation?
"Yeah my comedy is shit, but I've seen what good comedy is like and it's rubbish."
I use pornography like an old woman uses the Daily Mail.
"Equality is distribution of essence type A equal in masters and slaves for all A."
Is an object objective and subject subjective?
If what isn't is and is in itself a not then can an am be a not ifn't I is?
Ifn't I haven't then haven't I if an am?
Consiousness exists in the past. I did think, therefore I was.
In one sense the second law of thermodynamics is built on the concept of time and in another sense the definition of time is inside the law.
Your nature is lack and the advert, in presenting a specific lack, allows you to express it.
The beauty of nature is the premise of scientific enquiry not the conclusion.
The postman struggled to insert the letter. The pile of old mail has reached the letterbox.
Maybe the universe isn't expanding, but its just our rulers are getting smaller.
Yeah but I mean the Nuremberg realise would be considered "politically incorrect" nowadays.
Zuckerberg is charging rent on your friendships.
Fuck off Zuckerberg.
I don't think therefore I amn't.
Self styled artist formerly known as so called Islamic State.
Monetised Friendship.
So called so called Islamic State.
The purpose of education is to make a man (sic) think what you want him to and believe that he himself invented it from first principles.
The definition of man is encapsulated in that of woman and vice versa. Contrary to de Bauvoir.
Rock and Roll isn't very rock and roll anymore.
The Kaiser Chiefs serve no function and should be eradicated.
I accuse you of terrorphobia.
Does the conservative party have a long term economic plan? I can't remember.
I'd rather be a princess than a professor of gender studies
It all depends on whether the lamb is a muslim or not.
Our parents are tainted.
The great thing about pissing in the sink is you can wash your hands while you piss.
Humanity is either a full stop or an ellipsis. Temporary.
Could funeral parlours do more to improve social mobility?
Dippy aint real man. Good riddance to fake dinosaurs.
“repressive tolerance”
England is the armpit of America
... People went from babe to adult in that time
The Hairy Weight Yo-Yos
"The world needs..." Vs "what do you want?"
There's no such thing as should.
Every news story about Islam is built to give some sort of satisfaction to The Symptom.
If TV is the new opiate of the masses then Islam is the uppers.
Dizzee Rascal lives in Sevenoaks.
Children are inherently reactionary.
It is totally incomprehensible to me that anyone could question the British intellectual environment.
"This is what a mysogynist looks like" T-shirt for sale, never worn.
Pope Francis insists he is treated with respect. Anyone who demands respect has no self respect.
Too busy thinking about terror while crossing the road on a red man.
Terror attacks have better PR than road traffic accidents.
Why aren't road traffic accidents terrifying?
Why can't "we" read your banking log in details?! Why?! Oh yeah, that's why.
Finite totality = constrained infinity?
Perhaps the finite is a harder concept to penetrate than the infinite.
The earth could be 6000 years old in the sense that the concept of totality was born in the mind of man 6000 years ago.
The difference between an academic and someone on the dole is an academic can write a five page essay defending their state income.
"Stars are gathering in Los Angeles" (like birds on a climbing frame)
That film with that actor as a nymphomaniac alien is totally reactionary
Woman is a metaphysical concept. That is why she is born alienated.
I will tolerate everything except tolerance and intolerance.
Al-Karaji's three principal surviving works are Wonderful on Calculation, Glorious on Algebra, and Sufficient on Calculation.
I was walking down the street the other day and I wasn't.
Who is TED?
If Eve was the first scientist then Adam was the first plagiarist.
Humour offers itself as a way out of tragic dialectical binds as paracetamol offers itself as a way out of despair.
The human is the queer animal.
Amusing theoretical moves.
There is a certain pleasure in repeating a conversation with someone in the same location. To reverse your opinions in such a repetition is to commit a kind of betrayal.
How might the injunction ‘be kind!’ dialectically relate to ‘love thy enemies!’ and would Freud find it any less repulsive?
Against the contemporary antinomy.
One possible benefit of artificial intelligence is that it might devalue intelligence. Intelligence might become low status.
Imagine a married man who has only had sexual relations with his wife who fantasises about a male colleague during the act of sex. You know you are a materialist if you consider that man to be heterosexual. That is, you find the fantastical complement as of secondary importance.
Failed irony can be unrecoverable and lead ultimately to the dissolution of friendship.
In acting there is such a thing as an extremely attractive person who signifies an unattractive person for narrative purposes.
Opinions are names we give to our inaction.
You can't have a counter culture without first having a culture.
“I’m fed up” seems angry at having eaten a meal. Is the anger that they want to want more?
One key distinguishing feature of contemporary media is that it reeks of labour!
Pick the fights you're willing to lose.
The fulfilment of prophecies in the New Testament is like ruining someone's joke by explaining it back to them.
You can't have a flying car but you can have a normal car with a marginally different transmission system.
You can know something is a myth without knowing what the truth is.
Artificial general intelligence is unique in terms of technological innovations in that it is the first such advance not to threaten the role of workers but the role of bosses.
Christianity is the bizarre notion that prophecies are to be fulfilled.
Kathryn Stockett is white.
Everything in life is transient except red wine stains.
The dishonour of not turning down a new years honour.
"truth and enjoyment are radically incompatible"
Much thinking much crying
Maybe the theme of next year's Queen's speech can be that we shouldn't kill each other?
It is a very close call but I think the Queen might be right that reconciliation is good.
The animal that wants to be intelligent.
Maximise similarity between self image and image.
Key to AI might be deluded self image.
Anything that can be represented in symbols can be reproduced.
I may be dying in the mud but at least one day they'll say 'he shifted a few Christmas sales at Sainsbury's'
Compare Christmas football match with Tet Offensive.
The space race was a contradiction because NASA was a state project.
Could the modern male's acting out the female martyr trope itself be act of mysogyny.
"ok" - four star Amazon review
Slslang
"I don't mind being a slave so long as the race/gender/economic/sexuality make up of my masters equals that of society"
... but to me, my opinions are so interesting!
Tru Love
What sort of sick fuck wants to be happy when they could want to be a tyrant?
I couldn't decide whether to marry my girlfriend because I wasn't sure if I loved her. Last May I realised I didn't, and we married in June.
Do you believe in life before death?
Top ten best lists of best lists of hilarious listeria gifs.
Seriously guys, what IS art?
Ah man, Einstein had some serious skillz.
By expressing something as its opposite you claim superiority by recognising the orientation of the mirror plane.
"water on Earth may not have come from comets" Don't stick your neck out.
Recycling is an accusation from the council 'yeah but what are you doing?'
No one has ever seen an entire episode of A Question of Sport. One man tried but just before the end he snapped.
Zoella is the world's oldest teenager.
It is impossible for an astronaut to be sarcastic.
In China the pun is mightier than the sword.
From now on all skyscrapers must embody detumescence.
Would you rather be called a pleb or told you're someone without wit and imagination?
Scientificalism
Prétentieux me?!
Why fill out a survey?
Is there anything worse than happiness?
The complaint is the song of the powerless.
Capturing the popular conception of a type.
Put a sensor in a person's brain and tax their happiness until everyone is equal happiness.
Klass struggle
Klassy lassy etc
Stay Klassy
Behind every storage war a failed business.
Is it better to be clever and wrong or stupid and right?
A lot of the anti-Brand stuff is pure ad hominem.
Someone should come up with a collection of all the alternative categories proposed to represent spending.
The dream of the right is a hundred percent employment. The dream of the left is no employment.
"Feel free to murder and transgress so long as you aren't a hypocrite"
The tendentious imperative is the force to the ontological energy.
The people who call themselves the British Broadcasting Corporation.
Where do adverts come from?
J. Sainsbury was the most decorated soldier of WWI. Presumably.
Wish I knew how to turn CO2 into diamonds and oxygen.
Films give a disproportionately interesting representation of phenomena.
"The true enigma was the man who cracked the code" - are you genuinely gonna use that line?
Letting Tom Kerridge near children is a disgrace.
Key aspect of slave morality is taking pride in working hard.
Britain is the only country in the world where the people produce their own propaganda.
Democracy is obsessesd with anti-hypocrisy.
If not being a hypocrite is at the centre of slave-morality, is the great individual necessarily a hipocrite?
A key aspect of democratic stability is the economic superiority of the old over the young.
Do you need to set an email reminder to remember the death of a loved one?
Anti-immigration sentiment might be fuelled by the hatred people feel for someone who helps them financially.
Why would we not saddle future generations with debt? So easy to swindle the unborn.
Is the right honorable member aware that 0.85 + 0.85 = 1.7?
Just did a fantastic deal. I got the EU to give me 1 billion Euros. All I have to do is give them 1 billion Euros. This a result for me.
I don't like comedy buy I do like so-called "comedy".
Fifteen minute meal, hour shop, thirty minutes preparing to start, thirty minutes washing up, two hours sobbing in to hands in empty bedsit.
"I just had an idea. Oh no, I just wrote down a hack old pop song to re-record acapella or acoustic" - advertising creative.
Lords reform must take place by 3100.
I bet Newton was a total twat. Einstein would be a good drinking partner though.
If only the framing of A can distract from the humurous content of A to render joke form acceptable over the pure comic content of A.
Stay at Home Bum
Monogamy is a defeat that the weak make a virtue.
The genius of civilisation is to supply the ecstasy of violent domination without the consequences.
The biggest difference between us and them is that they think there is no difference and we think there is.
You might be better off running away from cancer.
"I'm an extremist when it comes to fishing" Robson Green.
A baby is an immigrant that wants a hundred thousand pounds of state sponged education before it will even think about working.
Animalis Capital
Free fall in an economic field.
Whoever came up with the idea of putting a dildo in a fleshlight is a genius. The vulgarity is annihilated.
The Tendentious Imperative is the necessity to maximise symbolic isolation.
The ratio of the lowest lowest common denominator of any scale to 480 I call the Harmonic Measure
That tone which defines the lowest lowest common denominator mode in any scale is called the Basic Tone
Any scale with a lowest common denominator of 480 I'm going to call a Reduced Chromatic Scale
The Phrygian, Dorian, Myxolydian and Aeolian modes all have a lowest common denominator of 120.
The Lydian mode has a lowest common denominator of 96
The Ionian mode has the lowest lowest common denominator (24)
The Locrian mode is the only mode that must be expressed in terms of the lowest common denominator of the chromatic scale (480)
(1)+(1, 3/2)+(1, 4/3, 3/2)+(1, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3)+(1, 5/4, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3)+(1, 9/8, 5/4, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3)+(1, 9/8, 5/4, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3, 15/8)
The diatonic scale is the collection of seven notes with the lowest lowest common denominator
1, 25/24, 9/8, 6/5, 5/4, 4/3, 45/32, 3/2, 8/5, 5/3, 9/5, 15/8, 2
480/480, 500/480, 540/480, 576/480, 600/480, 640/480, 675/480, 720/480, 768/480, 800/480, 864/480, 900/480, 960/480
Dapper Laughs is symbolic expression of my previous discussion of concept of Tendentious Imperative.
How much of humanity is required to service humanity?
Uttering soft sighs in the direction of young soldiers
Crying about the International Space Station again.
"Hey guys, I've had an idea" - someone who doesn't work in advertising.
The ultimate in contrary positions
Systemic hypocrisy
The veil of ignorance has an inherent Marxist bias.
I love all your imperfections. E.g. your ugliness.
Fuck off bearded dad.
Is it illogical to do something you know you will regret?
The conservation of beauty.
I love plainspeaking broadcasters.
Is the Apple logo a reference to Turing's suicide?
Disillusioned fisherman
He read a newspaper. She read a menu.
The sadness of One Direction's grotesque conclusion.
Mainstream comedy seems to find cocks hilarious but the cunt is nowhere to be seen.
Proper = improper. Honest = lies. Fullstop = sentence not. finished. yet.
The bizarrely specific now.
You know that school yard trick where you lower someone's arm till it feels like it is going beneath the floor? That is how my life feels.
Wordsworth hotdogs?!
An important category is those who don't notice they are turning their back on you.
The sad beauty of a young single mother.
The LADQuran.
I was patronised by a human so I killed all humans.
When I grow up I want to be able to feel the need to specify that views are my own.
I'd rather see a ghost.
A meerkat teddy on a grave.
What are you up to? Just landing on a comet! - arrogant robot.
If I was suffering from a disease the one thing I'd want would be awareness.
The most important issue for Scots to consider in the upcoming election is whether or not Darling is a one trick pony.
I wont take lectures from a duck.
The perfect society is an unmeritocracy where everyone can delude themselves into thinking in a meritocracy they would be king.
The wedding veil is a metaphorical hymen.
Jump In Some Stinging Nettles To Raise Awareness For Grief Challenge
The most beautiful woman ever committed to hard drive.
There is no greater object of hate than the person who expresses the opinion you have successfully repressed.
Transsexualism is an extreme form of Marxist alienation from the symbol Man.
Oh shit, I left all the bloopers IN and took all the scenes OUT.
despare
There will always and everywhere be precisely one political discourse permitted in the workplace and it will necessarily be utterly divorced from the politics of the workplace.
Antagonism in one person.
An I is a phantasmic model of how the I relates to all other I.
I'm the best at dismantling hierarchies!
My true self is the commuting corporate bureaucrat. It is the authentic innocent free spirit that is the fantasy! The dream resolves the material contradictions symbolically only.
The real world means corporate management.
When faced with choice of changing my behaviour or changing my mind I will always choose hypocrisy.
So called climbing is fifty percent falling.
Nothing is eco friendly. Nothing takes no energy to produce. Nothing never needs replacing. Nothing can not be fetishised.
In the contemporary idiom humans are people who are high in social status.
Rishi Sunak's Free Speech Champion won the international free speech cup held in Madrid 2022 after an incredible response to a simple question in the final round with free association poetry of magisterial subtlety that brought a tear to the judge's left eye.
This Lacanian critique of capitalism didn’t come cheap!
Continental breakfast implies the existence of analytic breakfast.
youtopia
I showed him who's the boss. It is him.
My hobby is researching elite preoccupations.
"blue tick Twitter elite" I hate those guys.
Congratulations to everyone receiving news.
"Well done to all receiving exam results"
The supreme phallic symbol is the war memorial. A close second is the erect human penis.
An arrogant person is someone who isn't self-indulgent enough to worry about appearing deluded.
The two best things in the world (the drink before and cigarette after) are totally absent from modern sex.
The human is the animal that agrees with early Wittgenstein.
So sad to hear the news that Robbie Williams is still alive.
The male(volent) gaze
Shoes (YOU) are boring.
I here pronounce you knob and twat.
"Please continue to exploit me. My life has no meaning without this sacrifice" - woman in persil advert.
If the internet is truly democratic then democracy is a horrible nightmare.
Is it bad form to weep on a first date?
A caravan isn't sure if its a car or a van.
The LADbible? You mean The Bible?
How many dull professors understand general relativity better than Einstein?
The genius of Einstein was that his intellect never overpowered his imagination.
The corrupting powers of failure and success are of the same magnitude but opposite sign.
Pretty Woman is Vertigo for the masses.
A scientist is a special kind of idiot.
Kant was translated into English so that it could be incomprehensible to a wider audience.
Hardcore pornography and feminist theory go together like sweet and sour sauce.
Shitmoon more like.
"What is the penis but a phallic symbol"
Civilisation isn't very civilised.
Like the masked enemy pilots choosing to be enemies in Top Gun it is assumed that you chose your sex before birth.
Every computer manufactured in the last twenty years has been Turing complete.
The 21st century is the era of ironic capitalism.
The internet is not a library.
One typically takes a stance then reads those writers who defend that stance and says 'I have learnt so many new ideas from this book'.
The mother-in-law joke depends on the the ontological unknowingness of its participants.
The mother-in-law joke is born of the disgust at the reality of the woman on whom has been thrust the symbol femininity which made her Woman
There is no natural harmony. Humanity is a continuation of natural chaos.
We are alone.
You are alone.
I am alone.
Art and literature have done a great deal to debase the sublime aspect of the stars.
Channel 4's response to the financial crises has been to maintain the exact output of property porn.
Extreme about the mild. Mild about the extreme.
"They don't realise they the ones who square"
The extremity of sexual violence claims supremacy by accusing any accuser of intellectual timidity. They don't realise they are the timid.
Coffee shops give out free water in order to provide an illusory zero to a Peano arithmetic.
Marriage without property is like an electric guitar without electricity. Nobody notices.
"the end of history is over"
Without humans there is no world, just animals copulating.
The world was made 4000 years ago because that was when the mind of man had the intellectual revelation of the concept of world.
"I'm rolling with the limes" - lemon.
"Is no apples different to no oranges" - down on her luck greengrocer.
A tooth for a tooth and the world will, like, struggle to eat so well. - R. Shirley
She uses noun-phrases like 'the post-modern apparatus'.
"Bieber is part of the Los Angeles celebrity firmament" - UK state news.
"James Cordon does Deal or No Deal" is an actual sentence in 2014.
We don't have leaders we have grotesque little moral ideals.
The Prime Minister is the person most at home in a suit.
Sporting girlfriend as extended phenotype.
"I don't wish I was a tyrant" - a husband.
"Any sin can be fixed by adopting the correct attitude" - the modern irony.
A greasy t shirt draped over a broken fan heater. In the bleak midwinter.
In search of a meaningful rebellion.
It was only a matter of time before someone used the title "The Audacity of Despair".
"usage guide authors find themselves in the role of pornographers serving a community of masochistic perverts."
Sometimes I just have to sit back and look amazed at the scale of my own pretension.
Dreams are self mythologised superstitions. They permit the construction of a universe in your image. Reality is impossible without them.
My dad works for the state and spends three hours of his daily leisure time watching state TV.
TV idea - a shopkeeper who normally runs a shop in Birmingham has to try and run a shop in Manchester.
I don't think I can imagine a crime worse than fixing football matches.
We've spent a lot of money on this advert and we're not going to pull it just because England's World Cup exit renders it nonsense.
I wouldn't mind life being short if I was young for all of it.
A child lives in a world of imagination therefore they can enjoy a film that is explicitly imaginary. An adult needs to have their hand held
Rowling writes Harry Potter which makes a lot of money therefore my position on the Scottish referendum is dependent on her position.
"Never gonna run around and desert you" why are you even mentioning it then?
If I can't slag you off behind your back, when can I slag you off.
Any two religions can coexist harmoniously so long as they both glorify female slavery.
British values = hypocrisy and obscenity.
A hard working family is one that would sooner work double hours for half pay than risk idleness enough to comprehend their true state.
My friend was really nervous about getting in to fruit farming full time. I said "mate, you need to grow a pear".
Why is animation almost exclusively used in children's films?
Ratio of sexual disease to disease to tv discussion of risk of sexual disease to tv discussion of risk of disease = The Channel 4 Anomaly.
A reality tv show about doing a shit as a revolt against a very British cooking religion.
Evolutionary behaviour is historical revisionism.
The Selfish Gene is a metaphysical advance and not a scientific one.
Sport fills the gap left by a lack of war.
The stance I take on the comparison between my self esteem and actual value is based on what best contributes to my self esteem.
I sell false hope at one pound for a one in fourteen million chance of getting a million pounds.
It was a team of Elite Singles that assassinated Bin Laden.
Engulfed by shame.
Something is suspicious about a man reading feminist literature.
Proper hamburgers are made by old Etonians.
The man is unsane.
One should be wary and suspicious of the grieving.
It would take a genius to endure a modern scientific education and to then reject materialism and realism.
Victory, air superiority, masculinity, the Other, Woman and "sneakers" x
The fool man can sit in a miserable hovel and console himself with the fact Einstein was male.
Fe is not un.
Un-negative.
Do you realise that electromagnetism would be left unchanged by the exchanging of negative and positive? That is not true of un.
I leave a shop and a security guard has been eyeing me suspiciously so I mill around for a bit so it looks like I'm innocent, which I am.
The radical pornographer is a structural hippocrit.
"Roll over Beethoven" - Schoenberg.
Hardcore Situation Comedy.
Sit com and pornography are the two great conservative forces.
Does Simone de Beauvoir think a man is born a man and does not become one?
"what do you want to do when you grow up?" "I want to rid humanity of all its illusions" "Have you thought about becoming a magician?"
"Of Mice and Men was alright but I thought there were alltogether too many men and too few mice" - mouse and proponent of new GCSE syllabus.
I would like to apologise for the public being too stupid to recognise high art.
A comedy audience is like a random sample of human beings... They are mainly stupid idiots.
Any set of categories can be rendered through multiple binary categories.
People look to Stephen Hawking for metaphysical insight, which is why his anti-philosophy stance is ironic.
The character of each force is different. Force is just one comprehensible aspect of different realms.
Opposites attract = what attracts we call opposites. What of mass?
Positive and negative is an illusion.
A central illusion is of the binary categories being a negation and a proposition and sex falls into the illusion giving gender.
You're a communist, I'm a capitalist, lets call the whole thing off.
Ultimately the Jaffa cake/biscuit judged that the fact it was called a cake wasn't relevant.
A = square, where A is member of class explicit sexual content.
I've always urged for Middle East peace efforts.
What do you call a thousand lawyers in a terrible accident? An ambulance.
I have a dream. I may not get there with you, but that dream is building my own home with Kevin Mcloud.
Gave an inspirational talk at local school. I said unfortunately the economy doesn't have any you-shaped holes.
Things you wouldn't hear if non-sexual subjects weren't prohibited.
Sex is the universal negation of all non-sex propositions. The unmaterial.
What if The Simpsons is reactionary?!
Genuinely angered by Star Wars cast. Make the geeks queue for ten hours for a bit of hype.
One Direction, that should be You and Me.
Apple to acquire Dignitas.
Mass attracts mass and is gay. Positive charge attracts negative charge and is hetero. Electrons are homophobes.
A minor detail presented as the predominant feature of an impressive possession.
Not not male but unmale.
unwoman unman unmale unfemale feunmale wo-unman. The English invented fe- as a prefix.
The mad animal.
£50,000,000,000.57
Does more need to be done to help hard working families or not?
If he can carelessly avoid millions in tax imagine what he can do when he’s careful!
Resentments get frozen in time when some injury can tie itself to some slight.
I'm all over the discourse like inconsistently spread butter on mouldy toast.
Today the leisure class work. You could make it up!
The time theory of value.
The official opposite.
I don’t mind the computers enjoying for me but I want to do my own suffering!
The economic notion of utility presupposes the absolute.
How many radical self transformations have you got left in you!
In the catastrophic and intentional destruction of the ego you may be able to save one or two prized possessions from the house fire.
Never trust an intellectual. Anyone who has delved that far into text has sacrificed too much of their morality.
But if we didn't pay bonuses then how would we attract the best talent away from productive activities and into value destroying money lending?
The right side of history? History?! The same history that is a 'slaughter bench, upon which the happiness of nations, the wisdom of states, and the virtues of individuals were sacrificed'?
A menu never gave me a stomach ache.
Beyond a certain level of sensitivity it is probably irresponsible to try LSD or have children.
One man’s labour shortage is another man’s full employment.
Beauty?! The Fascists were beautiful. That is an argument against beauty not for Fascism.
The definition of madness is the state of having a serious mental illness.
At any given time there is a single hegemonic cultural binary which all antagonisms are symbolically resolved by. It becomes the symbol and resolution of all antagonism.
I cleansed my mind of false ideas and realised there was nothing left.
I don't care about the mere suffering of millions. I want to achieve something much more and cleanse my mind of false ideas.
Met a girl down the local water park. She said 'nice veruca socks'. I said 'thanks, nice whistle'.
The term social/ethnic cleansing implies the end state is cleaner.
Ah history, you are like a room in the Crystal Maze.
Socialism is a means by which you can pretend you are intentionally weak.
Travel broadens the waist.
"it was such a lovely house" - neighbour on hearing three children were found dead.
A joke based around gender roles vs proffiterolls?
Might it be possible to prove that all that is possible is? There is only locality and non-locality of parallel realms.
A realm is a self contained force group.
If there exist all possible force groups then there must be some infinitely large force groups.
All non-trivial force groups would be made of a finite number of forces.
So long as there was no overlapping interactions there could be infinite phenomena in a given finite space.
Why can't all forces be reformulated as a curvature of space time?
The overlapping of twelve tone equal temperament and just scales is a mere approximate coincidence!
Standing on the shoulders of dwarves.
I do not measure a man by his wealth, but rather by the size of his nose.
She wore her learning like a crown.
Reality is an uninvited uncle.
A continuous stream of 'to a special grandma' mugs.
Let's drag this out as much as possible. Let's get our money's worth.
If time flies when you're having fun then trying to be happy means making your life end as soon as possible.
I'm like, why NOT start to party at 1130h? AKA 11.30am.
Tune the keyboard based around average notes hit by fret less instruments or voices.
A keyboard that adjusts all notes to just tuning based off the lowest note hit.
Lets see if we can ruin that baby George in time for the next economic crash.
I am but a mere poet slash philosopher.
Does the true feminist say 'I fucked your dad last night'?
Wages are a tax on slavery.
If the Chinese are better capitalists than the democrats could the west be better communists than the CCP?
Retroactive free will!
In the many worlds interpretation, you choose your path in that any other path is some slightly different version of you. Retroactively!
Quantum immortality!
If you could watch the thoughts and actions of someone else as they see them would you know you had no free will?
Cynics make the best lovers.
Great news. We're well on the way to the next crash!
Sometimes she chose an option that was totally embarrassing over one that seemed inappropriate.
"As in grammar two negatives make an affirmative, so in matrimonial morality two prostitutions pass for a virtue" - Fourier.
"Does this conversation mean this film passes the Bechdel test?" said Sarah. "Yes" said Rachel. An explosion destroys the cafe.
Bisexual marriage?
The height of equality is to expand the reigns of bondage to all!
I've figured out a way to control the distribution of air. Rich please.
Have moved into outside. Woods. Frightening.
Happiness! That's about the level a dog aims at!
"... but we fell out after I took a ferret to his stag do"
He was confused. The world seemed to provide him with a constant stream of unconnected effects.
What do you want to be remembered for? You think you'll be remembered?
He was so unsuccessful that he was reduced to being philosophical about things.
That brand of sex appeal that is unfashionable and provincial.
A charming young adult pops out to get dinner for two, but is taken by a restaurant and has a treat.
Representation fetishism!
Sexuality is the overlapping of dreams and reality.
James Dyson's vacuum cleaner is nothing short of an atrocity.
When the end of humanity arrives there will only be truth since the human is the only animal that can hold false ideas.
democratrocity
Antisecretarialism Secretary
I watch my mind like a bad fugue.
I watch my actions like a bad general.
I is a representation of the false notion of agency required in a formal system acting in a sense action loop with a unitary value measure.
The death of scholarship and the birth of research.
The nature of lying in the scientific literature.
Michael Mainstream is the funniest civil servant.
1. Locate worldview in which you are most noble. 2. Build rational arguments justifying worldview. 3. Evangelise power of rational arguments
Hey guys! Just found out I've won Best Male Nervous Breakdown on Social Media 2014!
The years fly by like episodes from a box set.
Great British Self Worth Delusion
Ok, it is officially too late for Mo Farah and Usain Bolt to milk it.
I'm really passionate about sexual love.
To marry the person you love is conservative. To love the person you marry is radical.
To be pedantic about things you have to say homosexuals have always been allowed to marry they just had to marry someone of the opposite sex
If you can't be trite at a funeral when can you?
The constituents are operating.
In fact it is less my gay marriage and more Nigel Garage.
In fact it is less Nigel Farage and more buy gel mirage billy on dates plippon.
In fact less brillig do-a-yarn-wok quicken and more silly spew-a-warm-lock chicken.
Brolly go-a-loom-duck written.
Billy no-alarm-clock Britain.
Are you a high quality person?
I am a vertical line.
I am the square root of minus one.
I met this person with a baby the other day, so I said 'are its genitals concave or convex?'.
The smallest hours breed the biggest thoughts.
"Billy no-jobs Britain", "Dunce of Downing St", "bunch of muppets",... I love high quality debate.
Singleton Marriage!
1. Buy your granddad something you want. 2. Wait. 3. Reap.
There's no dislike but there is an unlike.
Humanity is necessarily finite in time and space.
The best comedy is a lie. And that lie is "this is not a piece of socially conservative propaganda".
"Allow myself.... to introduce... myself" that is a great line.
If you want to be spoken to like a child you should start behaving like a child.
The imagined infant.
To be clever and choose to be an idiot makes you the biggest idiot of all.
...so called 'science teacher'...
A good way to win an argument is to put people's job titles in inverted commas.
Science is respected as long as it helps us kill. That it yields anything beautiful is an unfortunate accident.
Idleness for the working class is a tragedy. For the middle class a sin. And for the upper class a job.
An erection is a temporary illusion of power. A denial of the clear fact of no will.
Is there a sense in which the genitals themselves are a fetish? They have no inherent sexual content.
Brokeback Mountain is a piece of misogyny.
The difference between a woman and private property is a man doesn't hate private property when he owns it.
The reason men have traditionally hated homosexuals is because they think their love for each other is above mere sexuality.
The existence of convex and concave genitals is just a sick joke on nature's part.
All Christianity is an attempt to dispute Christ's central hypothesis that women and men are equal.
huwomanity
Man can't have evolved from chimpanzees because evolution is supposed to be progressive.
The wise man reflects only on life and never on whoopi cusions.
Monogamy is bourgeois hypocrisy that I can muster the intellectual strength to reject just once or twice a year.
I've reported my wife to the monopoly commission.
Gender is a social construct, like the sewer system.
I've come to dismantle the family.
If god really exists then why is there so much good in the world.
After my dad died I realised that the final scene in Star Wars where Darth Vader takes his helmet off is a sublime work of art.
A laugh track shows that actually it only has to be intended to be funny for you to imagine some other person who finds it funny.
A live audience provides proof that some other person thinks it funny but only if you know it to be local in space and time.
It doesn't really matter if something is in and of itself funny but rather that you can imagine some audience member who thinks it funny.
When watching comedy you have to look through the superficial message.
I reserve the right to be a pervert.
Someone who reaches their potential is called a genius.
I'm doing my bit for social mobility by heading downwards as fast as possible.
Reading is for prisoners and the insane.
A young Spanish man is emotionally taken by a pop song.
What word wears the crown of quotation marks better than expert?
... so I am married.
I'm married. What's wrong with me?
Cheating implies winning.
Go know thyself in a biblical sense!
The town's latent racism was almost adorable in its naivete.
One Friday, after taking from the hop and ejaculating in one of the town's women, she remarked, in conclusion, a burp.
Each one of the town's citizens is a self contained argument against democracy.
Watch a parent use love as an incentive. Then go and buy a wooden square LO/VE ornament.
It is racist to try and save the polar bear.
Ah man, a subset of sensory data turns me on!
Pick someone at random and tell me you believe in democracy.
The English genuinely believe in democracy! They should rather put a gun to their head than be led to safety.
I recommend using insects to transfer reproductive data like flowers.
The modern woman should have two anus.
The baby talking adult female. Is her husband a paedophile?
Dare I say it... criminal ideas.
No one ever said it changed the world about the condom like they did about the contraceptive pill.
Pornography doesn't prove its own unreality but the unreality of actual sex.
Sex without sex. Sex zero. All the taste. Zero sex. A mock orgasm. A product of materialism inherent in the scientific hegemony!
The animal is to god what a squarish piece of paper is to the pure concept of squarehood.
Oh shit! I think I just ejaculated on the divine!
Is there anything more beautiful than a tear on the cheek of a teenager?
"Oh mere esteem! I am but a humble animal." - Raph Shirley, Hemel, 2014.
I love esteem!
Mind body feedback.
If the same mind in a different body is a different person then it is relevant whether your genitals are concave or convex.
Hell is the impossibility of suicide. Heaven is its sublation!
The weak are more dangerous than the strong. The strong will merely attack you outright. But the weak take revenge!
Britain's failures are fundamentally comic. But they also have a habit of taking a joke too far.
In the heat of the moment when faced with the choice of killing a man or getting a dent in their car most will choose to kill.
One class takes control. Then another takes back control. Then it is taken back again and taken back again and again and again forever!
"All models are wrong but some are useful." The scientific notion of biological sex is ultimately a model.
What we seek for our children is the fiction of utopia. It is the singletons who stare down the truth!
Was Humpty Dumpty attempting to commit suicide!
Middle class working from home Slacker style movie. Frustrated creative impulses and elite overproduction leading to comic scenes of over intellectualism, and deluded and immature characters.
The kind of man to go ten years repeating the same stories and then casually mention some hugely significant new fact such as he is widowed.
The only way to sublate ressentiment is to accurately describe the process of production of the ressentiment.
I have lived in three flats that overlook car parks and I genuinely reject Joni Mitchells claim in the song Big Yellow Taxi (1970) that they're inferior to the paradise of primordial Hawaii. Give me yelling families over dull trees and the truth of homelessness over rank nature.
To seek in political analysis some sort of excuse!
Not merely modest. That would be bad enough. But proud of their modesty!
Full atheism must refuse the I-function. The word I must be absent. In this sense only schizophrenics are full atheists.
God is an implication of an any possible grammar. No grammar without the I. No I without the God.
There is no subjunctive.
The only thing to be gleaned from Nietzsche is the exclamation mark!
Power asks and impotence answers.
Trite words in some cemetary.
Oh no, I think I just did a shit in the divine.
And yet the flattery is false.
Next on her to do list was 'write a sentence worth reading in a thousand years'.
I was walking down the street the other day (in 1999) and I saw Ray Mears... trying to commit suicide.
"Blessed are the meek" - least meek man ever.
People take great pride in adversity because they can imagine they would otherwise have been great.
What is the symbol for Virgo? A hymen?
The hippocritical animal.
In a million years, when humanity is long extinguished...
Dear Keats, I did a shit last night and it didn't seem beautiful but it is true. What should I do?
You know, its like, I think this, I think that.
Humanism is more at odds with Atheism than Christianity.
I just feel like the best grandad in the world deserves more than this.
You know, we've all been there, wake up the morning after a big night, you look over the other side of the bed, and misery engulfs you.
I'm a forty year old man who tried to get in to the Brit school.
There are ideals and there are proper nouns for sets. To confuse the two is the great fallacy.
God is the set of all sets, which in containing itself, is necessarily infinite.
The fig leaf was the first hypocrisy.
Despite a tragic life he has an uninteresting face.
She saw a man prevent a cat from killing a mouse which so affronted her that she killed the mouse and the cat and the man in retribution.
His life is an amusing catastrophe.
I am now in a position to publish a critique of silly reason.
Beauty long waned, like a lump of mud... waiting.
Whichever is the man out of Torvill and Dean must take an interest in the diet and weight of the other one.
Have you tried Othello's cookies? They are very Moorish.
Mental wealth.
Comedy is telling the audience what it wants to hear.
You know... good... bad, it's all the same isn't it.
Democracy is like a bully who asks which eye you want to be punched in.
Disgust and hatred are both fetishes. Maybe love is too?
The mind is a gas. It expands to fill the space that contains it.
coincidence
A normalized infinite fingerboard!
The genius of the internet is to monetize thought.
What if painting preceeded language? Is it easier to understand a picture of a cat than the sound cat?
Pornography is a veneer, but isn't a real person one too?
There is something inherently hypocritical in the sex act.
"Get off my land or I'll call the police" - an insane tiger.
The human is the animal that resolves territorial disputes with a second order threat of violence.
Try and make birds observe property law.
Hell is other people's children.
The funniest thing I've ever seen is a twenty year old man talk about sex into a microphone. Genuinely hilarious!
Immortality is hell.
Lady Gaga is a contradiction in perms.
Saw a girl in the graveyard today. Nice tits and a classy veil.
The implicit symbolic content of a sentence from A instead of B.
Christmas is my favourite symbol.
I might go steal a lunch.
A skirt covers both legs with one piece of cloth. Trousers cover each independently.
Hands up who disagrees with democracy.
What was Sophie complaining about if she was given a democratic choice?
I cheated on my opponent in chess.
One is equal to one. One is not equal to one's servants.
Coca Cola used (faked?) footage from the riots to advertise their sugar water.
Why don't we have phone books anymore? Because there are too many Smiths and too many Jones you might Smith the Jones number?
Elite singles!
"the divorce of the century"
Making jokes about Islam is like my friend jumping in the pile of boxes in my GCSE art class. Forbidding it doesn't reduce it's likelihood.
Grief is a kind of vanity.
A = A', where A' is what I call the tendentious imperative on A.
The scientific method, widely considered a rigorous form of enquiry, is totally undemocratic.
The troubling idea that reality is fundamentally incomprehensible.
Misogyny is born of a failure to realise the untruth of your own phallus (by both sexes).
An English person receives a ten percent increase in self worth at hearing the word 'Hitler' or 'Hiroshima'.
A Nike advert with the slogan 'Air Superiority' is literally selling shoes by reminding you of the slaughter of innocent civilians.
All politics is distraction.
A diversion from the democratic position and then a fall back into it.
I love democracy. That is why this sentence contains the pleasure symbol cock.
The implicit censorship of competitive democracy.
Only a hypocrit can get angry.
The fake Christmas dinners had by tv chefs months ago.
I predict that The Secret Life of Walter Mitty will be the most perfect religious film of our generation.
Looking at himself in the morning mirror felt like returning to the scene of a crime.
She claimed (false) victory through understanding.
Star Wars may as well have been written by Jeremy Bentham.
The real tragedy of the hating couple is the kernel of original lust.
The hating couple who contort their minds into a worldview in which it is for the best to live another twenty years in squalor.
Is there anything so bleak as a hating couple?
I am a great wearer of noses.
The fantasy of the teenage boy's fantasy!
Those warriors doing remarkable things to preserve this unremarkable thing.
He looked at a lover from adolescence through a screen and a tear.
The sort of person who is proud of being up to date with the news.
The advertisers understand the importance of repetition.
Employment fetishism!
Why the refusal to admit bravery can be bad in judges' bizarre descriptions of murders as cowardly?
The genius of advertising consists in constructing a world in which you weak are good and better in making this purchase.
The bulk of the state propaganda machine in a democracy consists in making the weak feel good about themselves.
The weak man at rest constructs a world in which he is good.
"Oh, god I'd hate a religious funeral. I'd feel like such a hippocrit [looking on from heaven]".
Anything said about your own life is a lie.
What sort of timid and mediocre society demands its leaders have one sexual partner?
What you say, what you mean, what you think and what is.
Sarah realised there was no toilet paper and looked in her handbag remembering she had a copy of Also Sprach Zarathustra.
Sweet talking is the most aggressive talking.
Comisserate Sarah Phillips on her new job!
Your ambition is your tragedy.
Why does the population breed for no payment? For every other industry it is renumerated.
"Show me this moral man that impoverished himself to put pennies in the pockets of prostitutes" - the innocent Christ.
I went to sleep at 1913 and woke up in 2013 and all that had changed was fewer hats.
The coward would sooner "sacrifice himself for his love" than risk a genuine calamity; or worse, a success.
Show me a mirror and I'll show you an idiot.
Show me an idiot and I'll show you a mirror.
Show me a television and I'll show you an idiot.
Show me woman unburdened by life's disappointments and I'll show you a girl.
- Thing is, unfortunately you were born into an era of meaningless and banal work, said the honest careers advisor.
- I want to found a major world religion, I said. - Have you considered writing your CV with a computer, said the Careers adviser.
"Antz lacked stylistic flair" - literary crittericism
A Voyage Round My Father is about a man who accidentally drives around the M25.
"This was grotesquely disrespectful and offensive. I can't believe I wore an SS uniform on Remembrance Sunday." - An extra.
The strange little compromising calculations made by educated women.
People most appreciate what they consider facile.